911 OPERATOR: Hello. We have received a report from your location indicating that someone is working from home…and possibly in need of assistance.

Jamie: Hi, I . . . uh . . .yes, I work from home.

911 OPERATOR: OK, that’s what we were afraid of. It’s going to be OK, just stay with me.

Jamie: Is everything OK? I just finished my coffee and I’m kind of in a good groove here with the project I’m working on.

911 OPERATOR: That’s what we’re going to find out. Don’t worry, I’ll stay on the line with you until we can get help.

Jamie: uh…

911 OPERATOR: Is anyone else there with you?

Jamie: Like, other humans? Oh jeez NO. How would I get any work done?

911 OPERATOR: I see. When was the last time you saw someone else? Was that today?

Jamie: Uh, my husband… he usually leaves a little after I start working, after that I can really focus.

911 OPERATOR: Anyone else?

Jamie: The UPS guy is usually here around 11:30, and Fed Ex a little later. I try to plan my breaks so they don’t interrupt me.

911 OPERATOR: I’m going to ask you to open the blinds. Let’s go ahead and let some light in.

Jamie: The blinds are always open. My home office is actually a little too sunny in the morning, but it’s really nice right now. The dog is curled up in the sun sleeping.

911 OPERATOR: There’s a dog there? When we the last time you spoke out-loud to the dog.

Jamie: Uh… I guess earlier this morning when I got frustrated that I couldn’t get this file to download on my laptop.

911 OPERATOR: OK. You’re forming an unhealthy relationship with the dog — the situation has progressed, but we can still help.

Jamie: OK look, I fail to see what’s wrong with talking to the dog.

911 OPERATOR: I see. (Pause.)

Jamie: Look is this really necessary? Did my neighbor call you? I told them that I work for a real company, it’s not an internet scam — I just work from home. I could tell they didn’t understand…

911 OPERATOR: It’s OK. Calm down. I need you to tell me what you’re wearing, OK?

Jamie: You know…just regular clothes.

911 OPERATOR: Outside clothes or inside clothes?

Jamie: Uh…Outside clothes. I’m at work.

911 OPERATOR: No, you’re working at home. Can you look down and confirm what you’re wearing?

Jamie: Sure. (Pause.) Jeans. I’m wearing Jeans. And boots.

911 OPERATOR: You’re wearing boots? What kind of boots?

Jamie: Um. They’re tall, and black. With laces. Like riding boots I guess, but with laces. They look cool. I really like these boots.

911 OPERATOR: You’re wearing boots inside? While you sit at your desk? In your home?

Jamie: Well actually it’s a standing desk, so I’m standing. And wearing boots.

911 OPERATOR: So you’re standing on your floor inside with boots on?

Jamie: Yes. Well, no. I’m standing on a anti-fatigue pad.

911 OPERATOR: Is that something you purchased to help cope with working from home?

Jamie: Actually my company bought it for me. Our whole team works from home.

911 OPERATOR: I see. Are you wearing a shirt? Did you put on a shirt this morning?

Jamie: I’m wearing a button-down shirt and a sweatshirt with my company’s logo on it.

911 OPERATOR: You’re wearing boots, and a sweatshirt, inside, at a standing desk. Is that accurate?

Jamie: Yes.

911 OPERATOR: OK I’m going to ask you a question and I need you to be honest.

Jamie: Uh….

911 OPERATOR: Do you work in tech?

Jamie: Yes.

911 OPERATOR: O.K., that’s O.K. What’s your name?

Jamie: Jamie.

911 OPERATOR: Hi Jamie, I’m Carl.

Jamie: Hi, Carl.

911 OPERATOR: Is your company hiring?

Jamie: Uh, yeah I guess so. Have you ever worked from home?

911 OPERATOR: No, well, I mean once I stayed home during a snowstorm at my old job. Does that count?

Jamie: Did you change into real clothing on that day?

911 OPERATOR: No. I stayed in my pajamas until 7pm when I realized I was the only person still online.

Jamie: I see. That’s not good. You’ll need to develop better habits if you want this to work. How much time do you spend commuting each day?

911 OPERATOR: About 45 minutes if I leave early enough in the morning. An hour and 15 minutes on the way back if I leave to head home right when my shift ends.

(Muffled sobs.)

Jamie: So you’re telling me you spend 10 hours a week commuting?

911 OPERATOR: (Sounds of hysterical sobbing.)

Jamie: Carl, I need you to stay with me.

911 OPERATOR: Thank you.

(Silence)

911 OPERATOR: I just want to work from home.

Jamie: Shh-shh-shh . . . I know you do.