You see yourself
drifting down,
The sea of despair
pulling you down, making you drown

You see that no matter the efforts you put,
It’s never enough, never for the likes of you.
“This is missing. That part’s wrong”
Would I ever be able to play along?

Deep down You know you can do better.
You try. Hard and relentless.
Yet you still end up a stick short.
Never enough.

This happens so many times that,
you start believing that you’re never good enough.
The work that you do, isn’t what you “CAN” deliver.
The world, though trying to help you achieve your own potential,
What can they do? If you’re not ready or UNABLE to achieve it.

The ecosystem you live in is running at a marathon race.
Yet you’re stuck. Pulling yourself up at a snail’s pace.
These hands could hold the world
but it’ll Never be enough.

There will be times where you’ll be tired,
Tired of fighting, Tired of Living, Tired of being dead.
Tired of waking up every day
To a never-ending, constant battle going inside your head.

But you bottle it up.
For fear of being misunderstood.
For fear of being broken again.
For fear of being taken for granted, again.

You’ll realize that not all people who ask “how’re you doing ?”
Want the actual answer. They’re just asking. that’s all.

The memories of our craziness abuzz in my head,
I go to the past,
revisiting the blithe moments we had
And those of the ones so sad.

Together we’ve grown apart
Fooling ourselves, “it's just a start”
Making a choice, taking a path so long…
Pushing ourselves to grow, move along
We still do ask, what’s wrong?

I wonder if we are content,
with what or who we’ve found
But with none of us to share around,
Will the bliss stay alive that long?

I remember the promises made,
To be friends till the end.
The reminisces in the sun and
The thoughts in shade. Our long and
lazy walks till the horizon’s bend
I remember the fun we’ve had
Cracking jokes, Oh so bad!

I remember the peace that we all had
A sense of belonging, a bit or a tad
I remember and cherish the joy
We were best friends, a girl, and a boy.

But I’m content, for now, we have,
Been and grown,
Each in their own resolve
Building ourselves a legacy to leave
The time’s web, ready to weave

Pulled in different directions,
Leaving is easier now, but
Shrugging off is not. For
The day you turn back,
You will see our footprints
in the sands of time. The ones
For you to follow. Leading you back.

To the place where I’ll be sitting…
With another jingle, a parody
Or just another joke to crack.

#friendships_of_old

Day by day I break,
Piece by piece,
Bit by bit,
But I hold on,
Hold on to faith,
That it’s gonna be alright someday,
I don’t know when, but I’ll smile too one day.

Every new presence
A glimmer of hope.
Every old memory
A stab of pain,
Of bent minds and broken hearts
Of sleepless nights and unspoken thoughts.
Endless, bottomless pits of pain.
Rancid, rotten tears as rain.

And I hold on,
Hold on to faith,
That it’s gonna be alright someday,
I don’t know when, but I’ll smile too one day.

People come and leave, as if
I’m a pathway, with crowds to weave
Half lonely, with everyone around
Half lost, nowhere to be found,
Where am I, who am I, I ask
Finding myself, the toughest of tasks
Acting happy is easier than
Talking about where it all began.

Every time I close my eyes,
I see a version of me
Too fucking tired
To move, to get up, to fix me
Of the pain, of the betrayal
Of the disappointment in myself.

Is it too much to ask for, I wonder.
If I’ve ventured far yonder.
Never to be looked for,
Never to be found.
Isn’t that what life’s about?
Faking things with everyone around?

Talk to me, they say
It’s time to move on and be strong they say
How do I tell them, I know it all.
It’s just the strength, that’s not left in me.
None at all.

How do I tell them, what I show them is fake?
A different kind of courage is all it takes.
Here I sit, on a wintery morning
Deep inside me, a relentless mourning

And yes, sometimes I feel like giving up but
Mark my words, I’ll come out strong and fitter.
For hope, has a way of breaking you down
And building you better, yet bitter.

But then, always has there been such a day
That all the emotions come out to play
Leaving me an empty husk, troubled,
Sad, scared from dawn till dusk.

Yet I hold on,
Hold on to faith,
That it’s gonna be alright someday,
I don’t know when, but I’ll smile too one day.

Turns out, we’re all addicted to, or driven to someone or something that is bound to either ruin us or rebuild us.
It’s a tendency, so hard-wired into us that we tend to go look for them; sometimes willingly.

Be it a person, who doesn’t love us back,
a memory that we shouldn’t hold on anymore to,
That one dream, that hasn’t and can never be a reality.
Or the never-ending what-ifs, that give you false hope, a false sense of security.

We know, we feel it and we see it coming light years ahead,
to just give us that jolt, that’d
shake us, shatter us, and bring us to the so-called reality.

Where the pain feels like pleasure,
Where everything makes sense and yet nothing does.
Where you’re walking around with your head ablaze.
Yet no one can see the flames.

Where you’re the only one, to get down,
And pick up the pieces, one by one,
Feeling the sting of the cuts, one by one
Braving it all.

For no matter what they say,
You’re the only one for you.
All. The. Way.

“The weirdest thing about the mind is that you can have a million things going on in there. Yet no one can see them. The world, just shrugs. They don’t know. They can’t.”

— Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive.