CAVEAT EMPTOR:

Most people want to read about people going through chemo about as much as having chemo themselves. I hope you will give this a chance as it tries to be funny, not dreary — and it is always positive with not too many gory details!

PROLOGUE

Nobody wants to go through chemo. It’s not on anyone’s bucket, to-do or wish list. The conversation doesn’t go: “It’s in the diary, skiing in Aspen this March, Greece in August, chemo in November!”

When it happened, I knew that my fears had come true. With my disease (Lymphoma), it was going to happen sooner or later. I was really scared but felt I had to be strong. I hoped I could deal with it and go back to normality unchanged.

My doctor informed me, in the kindest possible way, that the cocktail of drugs I would spend my summer imbibing would make me constipated, nauseated and fatter than I already was, that did not include the hundreds of other side effects I might encounter. The only good news was I might not lose all my hair.

As the commencement day neared, I was filled with questions:

What happens when they call you in for your first session?

Are you alone or in a room with hundreds going through the same thing?

Do they put the IV in your arm?

Can you read, can you move, do needlepoint, watch TV, text?

Can someone come with me?

What do you wear?

Will you feel cold, hot, tired, wiped out?

I was totally overwhelmed, as I’m sure everyone who has experienced this moment was. I was torn between wanting to seek advice and wanting to soldier on, not asking anybody anything and just getting on with it. I did a quick google search and found books, blogs, tips, advice columns.

The only postings I found went on and on about the negatives of chemo. Nothing talk about the positives. I know you are scratching your head in wonder. If you take an aspirin, no one complains, “Gosh, my blood is going to thin, my stomach might get a bit acidy.” They think, “Yeah, this is going to cure my headache.” I had to feel the same way about Adriamycin, Bleomycin, Vinblastine, and Dacarbazine. These drugs were going to save me and I was going to live. That to me was a big POSITIVE. Yes, my hair might fall out, I would feel sick to my stomach, but that was all par for the course.

WHAT DO LOUBOUTINS HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?

Even though I sounded gung-ho, I was filled with fear — fear of death, fear of missing out on the future, scared for my parents, my boyfriend, myself. Does this mean I will never get to trek to Machu Picchu, will I never see my wedding day, will I have missed my chance of ever having a child? When I look toward the future there is only a black void. It’s in my nature to put on a tough veneer and not let my guard down; take care of everyone else and be strong, so they don’t worry while inside I am terrified. Although the doctor is saying it’s curable — what about if the chemo doesn’t work? It’s all there under the surface, a miasma of destructive thoughts, and there has to be a way to deal with all this stuff brewing below that could very easily consume me. But how? Who is strong enough? Little by little, we need to find a way, anyway and mine, hopefully, will start with my shoe collection.

Now let me explain one thing. I am a shoe person. There are bag fetishists, clotheshorses, lovers of jewelry. My obsession is shoes. I scrimp and save to buy works of art from the world’s top cordwainers, mostly Mr. Louboutin’s creations. I have been finding them at shop sales, sample sales, outlets for years. The thing is, I don’t wear them! I always joke that I wish I had the life my shoes deserve…cocktail parties, dinners, soirees that get you photographed in Tatler, Vogue, Bazaar. They sit there in my closet, little statues gathering dust, looking beautiful without ever tripping any light fantastic.

As I packed my bags in London to come Stateside for what would be ten months of treatment, I looked at those gorgeous, untouched gems and knew they had to come with me. If I were going to a cocktail party every two weeks, then damn it, I was going to dress for one. No sweats, elastic waistband or “comfortable” clothes! I vowed that every time I went into the hospital for anything, I was going to look and feel glamorous. This party was invitation only and the dress code was glam.

Now I understand that not everyone has a Louboutin obsession like I do, but I do know that everyone must have a Louboutin equivalent — that something special that makes you feel and look fabulous inside and out. It could be the Target scarf you love to tie around your hair Jackie O style or the pair of earrings you wore at your wedding or the Payless shoes you bought on sale at an outlet in the late 90’s. Whatever it is, this is the time to get them out and feel your best — even when you want to throw up. Don’t wait.

Would this really help me conquer all those fears? I didn’t know. I was just beginning this journey and couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel — at least not just yet. Please stick with me and let’s get through it together.

NEXT POST: THE FIRST DAY OF CHEMO

I have a quick story to tell you, which I hope will make you feel a little better about yourself.

Many years ago, I had a friend visiting me when I received an invitation to attend a Versace fashion show and the party with the Foo Fighters afterwards. I was over the moon excited to go and threw open my closet to begin my preparations for the big night. I looked at my friend, sitting, reading on the couch. “What do you think I should wear?” Without looking up from her book, she casually replied, without even a moment’s hesitation,

“Who cares what you wear? No one’s going to be looking at you?”

I literally didn’t understand or comprehend what that meant, and said a simple “Wha??”

Then she followed with:

“There are going to be beautiful people there, models, why would anyone look at you?”

In my life, I had always been told I was beautiful by both parents and I kind of accepted what they said as true. I might not have been able to get dates and I was a bit chubby, but what a gorgeous face, I was constantly being told. So I believed it.

I burst into tears immediately and asked her why she should say something so mean. She said she wasn’t being mean. just realistic. When I told her that my mother told me I was beautiful, her answer was that my mother did me a disservice and that I wasn’t beautiful and I’d better realize this sooner or later.

She then went on to tell me that her mother told her “that she was looking for Mr. Perfect and that Mr. Perfect was looking for Miss Perfect and she wasn’t that, so she better lower her standards.”

It all made sense. Obviously she was spouting what her mother had told her all those years.

The question in my mind was — is it better to walk around thinking you’re a stunning creature when you might not be? Was it so bad to be a tad delusional? Had my mother done me a disservice? Was I ugly all this time? Would it even matter if I was ugly? What is ugly anyway?

Just because we all can’t be models — does this mean we should not care how we look like? Does it mean that we give up?

I believe we have a choice. We either feel good about ourselves and that projects to the people around us or we just might as well never go out. I feel sorry that my friend never had that positive reinforcement from her mother.

We all have to deal with our physical faults and, sometimes that sucks, but stop moaning about it and be the best you can be.

The moral of the story — I wore a cowboy hat and a British flag t-shirt to the show catching the attention of a journalist from British Vogue who wrote about me in the next issue! So there!

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Should you trust your mother when says you’re beautiful? was originally published in Best Bits Worldwide on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The time may have “come to talk of many things: Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax — Of cabbages — and kings…,” but all I wanted to do was sit down with my guest today to talk cocktails.

The mix of Alfonso Califano’s over-the-top enthusiasm and his inherent Italian hospitality is drawing them south of the river, before you can even say Alice in Wonderland. With his partner-in-cocktails, Simone de Luca, Bombay Sapphire World’s Most Imaginative Bartender UK semi-finalist, The Walrus Room, the Lewis Carroll inspired spot on Battersea Rise, is quickly becoming a player in London bar scene.

Alfonso grew up in tiny Pagani, Italy where community is everything, today he reveals how he made a city as big as London feel as small as his hometown. In the six months that he has been at The Walrus Room, the bar has gone from success to success. Of course, he loves when he pulls in the punters from trendier parts of town, but he is just as thrilled when the residents of Clapham keep coming back.

Where you can hear me drinking next:

Next week, May brings us whiskey month starting with the Kentucky Derby and all her Bourbon Mint Juleps, all the way to World Whiskey Day on May 20. We bring you Chris Hoban, the Brand Ambassador for R&B Distillery, one of the youngest in Scotland, but already making a mark.

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How one Southern Italian brought his hometown community to London was originally published in Best Bits Worldwide on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Bacari are now where you can find some of the best local food. These are the traditional wine bars that serve cicchetti, the much talked about food of the moment. Cicchetti are best described as Venetian tapas: bite-sized bits of baccalà (cod puree) smeared toast, deep-fried olives, tooth-picked pickled onions and anchovies, croquettes, etc. Wash these down with the local wine, prosecco or Aperol spritz and you have yourself a delicious Venetian lunch.

The Fish Market is bustling with tourists, locals, fishmongers and seagulls, especially on a Saturday. In the appropriately named, Campo Bella Venezia, MuroVenezia Rialtocranks out salsa music making the piazza into one big party. Setting up a tent in front of their small restaurant, they offer a great deal of lightly fried fish caught a minute ago finished off with a glass of local Frizzante for only €8.

On the other side of the campo, others huddle for a spot in front of the storefront that’s Al Mercà, vying for tiny sandwiches, fried olives and croquettes. Around the corner, the owners of ProntoPesce shuck oysters, sea truffles, and sweet scampi as quickly as they can. While inside, they’ve set up a few bar stools and tables so you can relax while enjoying their signature artichokes slathered with baccalà and fresh anchovies with onions. Just like their main restaurant, Alla Testiere, they serve both traditional cicchetti and their own interpretation of the Venetian classics.

A few steps away, Do Mori, the grand-dame of bacari, offers a little calma e tranquilità from the madness outside. Down a back street and a bit tricky to find, its dark wood interior, wine casks lined up against the walls and decorative polenta pots hanging from the ceiling transport you right back to the 15th century. Since 1462, Do Mori has been feeding hungry gondoliers, merchants and even the infamous Casanova. Don’t miss the Fragolino Rosso or Bianco, a sweet local wine that tastes of strawberries. As is the Italian way, some say Fragolino is illegal due to its method of production but some say it isn’t. While they are deciding, drink as much as you can, as it is absolutely delicious.

If emerging from there, you are still a bit peckish, hop the traghetto across the Grand Canal. You are now in Cannaregio, the home of the most innovative of the bacari in Venice. La Cantina in Campo San Felice has a completely different m.o. from the others. Here, everything is prepared to order. Given the choice of meat/cheese or fish cicchetti, the chef works his magic. Most are served raw — branzino crudo with onion, monkfish with samphire, tonno and radish, all slightly drizzled with the greenest virgin olive oil. The meat/cheese cicchetti are made with local salamis and cheese: a hard buffalo or gorgonzola dolce or something else equally as scrumptious. Sitting outside watching the people go by, spritz in hand, it’s hard to get up. Still, there is shopping to do and the Strada Nova in front of you is waiting to be explored. One last bite of Ca’ D’Oro All Vedova’s famous polpetto, if you still have room, and then the shopping can begin.

Later on that afternoon, make time for tea on the Gritti Palace front terrace along the Grand Canal. Looking out at the Ponte Della Dogana and Santa Maria del Salute, you are reminded that you are in the one of the greatest cities in the world. As the sun sets, a smile comes to your face as you realize dinner is not far off.

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The best food in Venice is not in a restaurant! was originally published in Best Bits Worldwide on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

We read all the time, yet everyone is telling us to read more. They use examples of smart people who read all the time: Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and other successful, well-read people to make us feel guilty about not having read enough.

Still we are reading constantly — tweets, blogs, emails, even Medium pieces are being read all over the world. What more do they want from us and why does this not count?

I adore reading an actual book, actually! When I go on holiday, half my weight allowance is used up on the ten hardbacks I insist on bringing with me. (Funny — I spend my whole adult life writing on a computer, I have never have gotten used to reading on an e-reader.)

A few months ago, Harvard Business Review (HBR) got involved with 8 Ways to Read (a Lot) More Books This Year by Neil Pasricha and, although I think they are worthwhile, I see how they are bound to fail.

Let’s begin with the assumption that you WANT to start reading more in the first place. I guess if you are reading this article, you do…so we will take that for granted. We’ll go point by point.

HBR begins with “Centralize reading in your home.”

SLS (me) — Do they believe that all potential readers have enough room in their house to put the TV in one and make reading in another? Not all of us have “dark unfinished basements.” Also loads of us LOVE TV and don’t want to get rid off it.My suggestion is that you make a plan with yourself, one ep of The Good Fight to 15 minutes of reading.

HBR— “Make a public commitment.”

SLS —Are your friends down the pub really going to care if you have decided you need a bit more Crime & Punishment in your life? Buy one book you’ve never read and start reading 15 minutes of it a day.

HBR — “Find a few trusted, curated lists.”

SLS — Whom should you trust, that’s my question? Maybe Bill Gates or Tim Ferris have crap reading lists. Judge a book by its cover! Go to your nearest bookstore and pick one whose cover and title seem interesting! You have to start somewhere. Or join a library! They need us, as they are dying out fast!

HBR — “Change your mindset about quitting”

SLS —They may have the luxury of quitting three or four books before getting it right, but you might not. It can get pretty costly. I say — try and damn well finish the book you chose by its cover. Otherwise you will never pick up another book again. If it’s really not your thing, go, give it to Oxfam and pick up another.

HBR — “Take a “news fast” and channel your reading dollars.”

SLS —He was spending loads on magazines and newspapers. You read tweets and emails. I am sorry, but this bit of advice is totally archaic. One thing he does say is use the library, but it took him a while to mention it . Still almost no one is reading magazines and newspapers (unfortunately), so I doubt many of you are spending money on that. If you are I commend you, keep reading them!

HBR — “Triple your churn rate.”

SLS — Give away more books than you read is their thinking. Well, maybe you don’t a dedicated bookshelf, because you read everything online or this is the first time you started reading. Read your one book and after it’s done — either keep it as a reminder of the first one or take it back to the library and pick a new one.

HBR — “Read physical books.”

SLS — OMG I agree with him. Get your hands dirty and read an actual book! It’s so much more satisfying. You can feel how much you have left and see how much you’ve read in that 15 minutes before MasterChef begins again.

HBR — “Reapply the 10,000 steps rule.”

SLS — You want to do something because you want to do it, not because someone’s told you it’s a good thing to do. People are always wanting to change other people, but it almost never works. The whole 10,000 steps or hours to people in their 40s feel like we already failed in the first place, so why bother.

So I know it’s not as simple as saying get a book and start reading it for 15 minutes a day but it seems a lot easier than following eight steps that might not really apply to you in the beginning.

How to find the time to read an actual book, if you really want to!? was originally published in Best Bits Worldwide on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Holidays to Greece can take many different forms — partying in Mykonos, sailing the Aegean, hob-nobing in Hydra but there is only one island where everyone goes specifically to eat: Sifnos. The father of Greek cooking, Nikos Tselementes, was born and bred here and, although he may not be famous to the outsider, every Greek has a copy of his book Odigos Mageirikis somewhere in the house. Published in 1910, it remains the go-to for every Greek chef. A pilgrimage to Sifnos is a must for the perfect Greek Salad seeker in all of us!

We had really heard very little about Sifnos before booking our holiday in Greece. There really is not that much written about this tiny island, which is exactly what attracted us to Sifnos in the first place. All we wanted were quiet, lazy days by the beach.

Our home base was the Verina Suites in Platys Gialos, one of the nicest beach areas on the island, and it was absolutely perfect in our eyes: simple, yet tres chic, Hellenic-style villas, plus a lovely pool which never seemed to be busy. The pool bar was near enough that a frappe or mojito was there practically on demand depending on how early you wanted to party. The service was impeccable and everyone was so helpful and friendly. They even managed to finagle us a car even though we had not pre-booked — not an easy task as the island was busy, or so they told us. In our opinion, we never saw that many tourists even though it was the middle of July!

When enquiring about our lunch options for the day, out poured the whole history of Sifnos as a foodie destination spot from Isidora, the GM. Beaming with pride, she informed us that all the restaurants are good, just with various degrees of good-ness. She followed this by explaining that, unlike other Greek islands, every Sifnos chef has a reputation to uphold so it’s tough to get a bad meal anywhere. Then she gave us in-depth descriptions of all the island specialities: mizithra, mastelo, revithada, revithokeftedes, manoura, etc. As the list got longer, I could feel my tummy getting bigger and bigger and it was only the first day!

1. Breakfast at the Verina Suites

Our first delicious taste of the island was breakfast at our hotel. This is not your typical breakfast buffet — island honey, homemade apricot, apple, pear, banana preserves, toasted sandwiches, eggs all made to order, fresh fruit (peaches, watermelon, cherries, melon) and yogurt all washed down with freshly squeezed orange juice. Greek-style French toast (or as I named it toast alla Greque) — egg-dipped lightly fried local bread dripping with honey and powdered sugar on top -was the pièce-de-résistance. Everything is sourced locally and you can tell. Breakfast is open from 9–11 and almost everyone stays the whole time contemplating their next big decisions — which beach today and where to eat lunch!

2. Omega 3, Platys Gialos

We headed straight to the sea and sand and sat under a huge umbrella waiting for our hunger to return sooner or later. Platys Gialos is one of the busier beaches but saying that it was still relatively quiet. We never had difficulty finding a lounge chair and umbrella and no one played music or disturbed anyone else. The water was warm and it was super clean. There was even an outdoor shower to wash off after the salty dip in the sea.

As it always happens, we soon needed to eat again. We wandered down the beach, flip-flops in hand, looking for Omega 3. This was the one place I was told not to miss by Isidora. It is the trendiest & tiniest spot on the island. Creative dishes using local produce and seafood: sea bream ceviche, potato salad with capers and fresh anchovies, tuna tartare and the like. It seemed empty when we got there but were quickly informed that only a few seats were left as the whole place was reserved for a late lunch.

3. O Drakakis

Our first night, we cabbed it up to Apollonia — the capital of Sifnos. (We had seen someone trying to hail our booked cab, so we picked them up along the way. Who should be our cab mate but one of the most important Cypriot baritones — baritone Kyros Patsalides!) Hands down one of the best places we ate for dinner, so of course we ate there three times in one week, was O Drakakis. Nestled in between jewellery and scarves shops sits this local, everyone knows your name kind of, spot. We were so lucky to grab seats for two in the middle of rush hour. The moment we sat down, the table of three next to us leaned over and told us that we had picked the best place in town. They then proceeded to order for us: pickled vegetables from the kitchen garden, chicken with honey and rosemary, zucchini fritters with spicy tzaziki, on and on. They then took out a piece of paper and wrote down the rest of the places we needed to try while in Sifnos! Thanks to the kindness of strangers, we had a plan!

4. Nero & Alati, Platys Gialos

Our second day here, we returned to Platys Gialos as our car was being delivered in the late afternoon. If your wants lend themselves to more traditional Greek fare and you are on Platys Gialos then Nero & Alati (Water & Salt) is your place. Greek salad in Sifnos comes with the local cheese mizithra instead of feta — a creamy soft cheese with a hint of sharpness. We followed that up with revithokeftedes (chickpea fritters), imam bayildi (eggplant heaven) and watermelon for dessert. We kept ordering one quartino of local white wine — one after the other after the other, until we finally admitted to ourselves that 4 quartinos equalled one bottle! What were we thinking? We are on holiday in Greece — drinking at lunch is de-rigeur (if you are into that kind of thing)!

5. To Tsikali, Vathi Beach

As we finally had our car, it was time to explore the other beaches Sifnos had on offer. Vathi beach was first — this long sandy beach is home to the fanciest resort on the island — the Elies Resort. When we arrived, there was almost no one there. To Tsikali is all the way at the end of the beach hidden from view by a wonderful church and monastery. When we looked for a table, we quickly realized where the crowds were. Super busy, everyone was eating what looked like the best roast chicken in the world. Even though I wanted to try the local mastelo (goat or lamb cooked in the oven with wine), I was swayed by the smiles on everyone’s lips as they tucked in and was not disappointed. After our watermelon, they brought over two sugary balls of an almond candy that I had never seen before. They were gone before the check arrived.

Check back for the next five in a week or visit Best Bits Worldwide to see them all now!

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Where to find the best Greek food like no other? was originally published in Best Bits Worldwide on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I’m not a scientist, nor a psychologist or even a doctor, but I’m putting it out there that I’m not sure you learn anything as you get older, except basic health and safety issues.

Don’t put your hand on a hot iron.

Blow out candles before you go out.

Don’t trust people online.

Maybe it’s just me but everyday I’m getting older and everyday, I may not make the same mistakes, I definitely still make loads of mistakes.

I certainly don’t want to poopoo what other people before me have said:

• Don’t take your body for granted …Gilad James
• None of the best experiences of your life will happen staring a computer screen, a phone screen or a TV …Evan Asano
• All you need is enough energy to see tomorrow …Mike Leary
• Keep trying until you get it right …Nikola Gjakovski
• All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them …Akhil Ramachandran
• Make sure to wake up smarter tomorrow … Adam Bielecki

Some of this is good stuff, but hey don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get around to following all those life lessons. Most of them are about risk taking and health and dreaming. Here is what I have to say on that matter:

Risk Taking — So you feel you missed out on the risk taking in life…well, if you had been more risky, maybe you would have gotten hurt or that would be that.

Healthier Lifestyle — I was the healthiest person in my family and I’m the one that got cancer. Sometimes it’s the luck of the draw! That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be healthy, but don’t beat yourself up about it.

Listen to your parents — To be honest, I probably should have done that. They said go to Law School and I wanted to act. If I had listened to them, then I would never have gone on to have a show produced Off-Broadway that went around the world.

Getting off your screen — yes you should have down time, but this screen has given me an outlet in which to pursue those dreams. I now have a blog and a podcast and it’s all thanks to this screen.

Still I do thing there are two rules that you should appreciate as you get older:

Kindness is Underrated — there is never a time when you should not be kind. This includes to yourself. Give that person you met a chance if they were kind — there is no weakness in being nice.

Don’t beat yourself up if you get to 50 and you still haven’t learned anything — There is never one way to do something and success comes in many different forms!

So keep at it with what you got and forgive yourself for not knowing everything!

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Truth be told up front, I produce a podcast of my own, so I am tooting my own horn here, as well as recommending some others I can’t live without!

Everyone knows the “Gary Vaynerchuk, Seth Godin, Tim Ferriss, Lewis Howes, Mike Dillard, Arianna Huffington, Mark Cuban, John C. Maxwell, Napoleon Hill, Nir Eyal, Neil Patel, RadioLab” Podcasts. As much as I love This American Life and Serial — they don’t need any more publicity.

There are tons of smaller, and not so small, ones that deserve your time, including mine! Here are

1. Best Sips Worldwide — I sit down with the best bartenders, brand ambassadors and distillers in the world to hear how they got where they did!
2. The New Yorker Radio Hour: Another great interview show —I think people may have heard of it but passed it over for This American Life! Learn what’s happening in the cultural world and get inspiration!
3. On Travel — Paul and Elizabeth have amazing travelers on their show. Want to go to Antartica, Rome, Scranton — they have someone on the show whose been!
4. Homecoming — (and pretty much everything Gimlet produces!) a creepy, twisted drama with Catherine Keener and Oscar Isaac.
5. The Opportunistic Traveler — “Shevo” as Evo Terra and Sheila Dee call themselves are funny, witty and clever and have great insights into travel and life.

That’s it for me today! Let me know what you think!

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Listen to the five best podcasts you’ve never heard of! was originally published in Best Bits Worldwide on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.