It’s an honest-to-goodness real story. Here we go:

As he stood there covered in his own drunk puke, John A. Macdonald figured maybe this time he had gone a bit too far.

Because it’s not a good idea to be absolutely paralytic. On stage. During a debate against your political opponent.

Granted, it’s an unorthodox strategy that not everyone will appreciate.

Especially in 1864.

His opponent leapt on this opportunity! This was gold! After all, we all know what would happen with a shameless, out-of-control politician.*

The opponent seized the perfect moment. He pointed and scowled at Macdonald. He demanded to the crowd, “Is this the man you want in office?!”

To which John A. Macdonald, even in his drunken state, had the most incredible comeback. He said that it wasn’t the booze.

In fact, Macdonald insisted that his current state was his OPPONENT’S FAULT! Because everything his opponent said had made him sick!

The lesson? You can always, always turn a spectacular fuck-up around. It’s just about re-framing it, and having the ever-loving audacity.

*Back in the day, this used to be a bad thing.

— — — -

This is an excerpt from the new self-help book Good Stuff to Read When You’re About to Lose Your Shit.

Crammed with stories, jokes, insight, cheat codes, science baby, unconventional knowledge, and a million other things, Good Stuff will help you let off steam AND look for the dots in your life so that you can connect them and make sense of times that make no sense.

This book is irreverent. It’s casual. It’s straight from the heart. And it’s yours for the price of 2 large coffees.

https://www.itsamandagraham.com/shop/p/buy-good-stuff

There is so much bad advice out there about breakups!

Years ago I found some advice on how to forget someone who was impossible to forget.

The advice said to imagine their face on a balloon.

Hold the balloon in your hands.

Say goodbye to them.

And just

let

the balloon

go.

Let it float away forever.*

*yeah, it didn’t work.

— — —

This is an excerpt from the new self-help book Good Stuff to Read When You’re About to Lose Your Shit.

Crammed with stories, jokes, insight, cheat codes, science baby, unconventional knowledge, and a million other things, Good Stuff will help you let off steam AND look for the dots in your life so that you can connect them and make sense of times that make no sense.

This book is irreverent. It’s casual. It’s straight from the heart. And it’s yours for the price of 2 large coffees.

https://www.itsamandagraham.com/shop/p/buy-good-stuff

But real power and influence can’t come from making people feel scared or weak.

You’re probably gesturing at the whole world, like “Ummm…are you sure about that?!?”

But go with me for a minute.

As time goes on, assholes get so unbearable that the only people who want to be around them are other assholes.

That means they’re well and truly screwed.

Because now they’re surrounded by people with no morals, values, or loyalty. People just as willing to fuck shit up.

You can literally watch it in real time. Take the people in power who abuse. Lie. Steal. Now look at the people around them.

They will all eventually sabotage each other. They have to, because that’s what assholes do.

That’s the asshole paradox.

Power and influence (I’m talking the real, long-lasting kind) comes from NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE.

You make it easier for people to thrive in healthy and awesome ways? You’ll be appreciated. You’ll be a leader if you want. And you’ll have a lot less paranoia and trouble in your life.

We never get stronger by holding people down. We DO get stronger by lifting people up.

Sure, a random trouble-maker will poke their ugly head up every once in a while. They’ll make things a little annoying.

But at least you won’t be surrounded by assholes.

I hope this gives you some comfort, knowing that there is some kind of justice in the world. We might never get to see it up close and personal.

Or we just have bide our time. Either way we can grin like Cheshire cats on helium that it will happen.

— — —

This is an excerpt from the new self-help book Good Stuff to Read When You’re About to Lose Your Shit.

Crammed with stories, jokes, insight, cheat codes, science baby, unconventional knowledge, and a million other things, Good Stuff will help you let off steam AND look for the dots in your life so that you can connect them and make sense of times that make no sense.

This book is irreverent. It’s casual. It’s straight from the heart. And it’s yours for the price of 2 large coffees.

https://www.itsamandagraham.com/shop/p/buy-good-stuff

Sometimes we need a little metaphor to give perspective. Helps us make healthy decisions.

Let’s say you see a cat attack a mouse.

You know, playing with it, taking its time, trying to give it a little mousey heart attack. All that freaky stuff cats do because although cats are cute and fluffy and TOE BEANS, deep down they are assholes to smaller creatures.

Now let’s say during this torture session, the mouse says things like:

“Are you mad at me, cat?”

“Don’t mind the cat, they’re just under a lot of stress right now.”

“I can make the cat nicer to me. I just have to be a better mouse.”

The mouse giving grace to the cat would mean the mouse was totally insane. Because that is not a natural, self-preserving response.

I’m not poking fun at us. But I am wondering why on earth we give grace to assholes who 1) mistreat us AND 2) would NEVER give us that grace back?

— — -

This is an excerpt from the new self-help book Good Stuff to Read When You’re About to Lose Your Shit.

Crammed with stories, jokes, insight, cheat codes, science baby, unconventional knowledge, and a million other things, Good Stuff will help you let off steam AND look for the dots in your life so that you can connect them and make sense of times that make no sense.

This book is irreverent. It’s casual. It’s straight from the heart. And it’s yours for the price of 2 large coffees.

https://www.itsamandagraham.com/shop/p/buy-good-stuff

It’s never fun. And it can do real damage if the stakes are high.

It reminds be of one of the best bits of advice I ever heard.

Can’t remember who said it- knowing me I probably picked it up from The Godfather or something.

So here’s the deal.

If you’re at a meeting, let everyone else talk first.

This doesn’t mean keep your trap shut until everyone gets up to leave. Then Columbo them with a “There’s just one more thing.”

It means when someone brings up a new topic, or it’s the beginning of a new meeting, let the others go first. So that you can hear what they have to say.

Here’s why waiting to speak gives you a strategic advantage:

• You’ll have time to frame what you want to say.
• You’ll have the information you need to react in the best way.
• You’ll clear out all the suckers (i.e. all of us before we heard this advice) who want to throw out ideas willy nilly. Most of those ideas get shot down because they don’t have the whole picture.
• You can bring up things no one else brought up.
• It’s a leadership play — it trains you to act with more authority.
• The group’s more likely to remember what you said.

I get how tough this could be for us impulsive people.

Especially if we have strong feelings about what’s being talked about.

Practice helps. Try it with an issue that you don’t really care about. Practice with your friends. Or family. Make it a game. Pretend you’re a character- the business badass version of yourself.

But do it a couple of times, and it will get a lot easier.

Plus you look cool and mysterious as hell.

You might be thinking, “Hang on, what if everyone learns this trick? Then everyone’s going to want to go last.”

Don’t worry about everyone wanting to speak last.

Most people haven’t got it in them to STFU.

— — -

This is an excerpt from the new self-help book Good Stuff to Read When You’re About to Lose Your Shit.

Crammed with stories, jokes, insight, cheat codes, science baby, unconventional knowledge, and a million other things, Good Stuff will help you let off steam AND look for the dots in your life so that you can connect them and make sense of times that make no sense.

This book is irreverent. It’s casual. It’s straight from the heart. And it’s yours for the price of 2 large coffees.

https://www.itsamandagraham.com/shop/p/buy-good-stuff

About 15 minutes into the first day of my last temp job, the boss stormed out of his office SCREAMING. He ranted. At the young people — new graduates who worked in a cluster, to my left.

I thought for sure he was going to slug someone, it was that bad. It brought back a lot of old memories from the cult church I went to.

My body SHOOK for ages after he went back into his office.

The lovely young people around me waved it off like it was nothing. A couple of even silently laughed to each other.

I had to stay at that job till I had something else lined up. The office was in chaos and the graduates were overworked. The shouting happened at least once a week.

On my last day, all the bigwig solicitors were in court, so it was just me and the graduates.

I told them they didn’t have to stay there. They insisted they had to. Really? Do your families want you all in this kind of workplace?

The conversation escalated fast (not in a bad way, in a truth-be-told way).

They all revealed to me that NONE of them (except one) even wanted to be solicitors at all. But their families made them take this path?!!?

No matter what I said, they wouldn’t believe they could actually do what they dreamed of doing for a living. They insisted that you gotta do what you gotta do and they’d just get over the disappointment.

It was gutting to know all these vivacious, fun, and intelligent people who were stuck. Possibly forever.

I won’t lie and say going for your dream is a free-cookies-and-money-trees-everywhere journey.

It’s definitely not.

Over the last decade, there have been times when it has SUCKED SO MUCH.

The instability.

The rejection.

The millions of times people don’t see your vision or what you have to offer.

But the RUSH you feel from every win. Every gain when you do what lights you up from within.

It really is something money can’t buy.

People say following your dreams isn’t for the weak.

But the way I look at it, not losing your mind while you do what you hate while a scary man screams at you in real time for the rest of your life is the real “not for the weak”.

— — -

This is an excerpt from the new self-help book Good Stuff to Read When You’re About to Lose Your Shit.

Crammed with stories, jokes, insight, cheat codes, science baby, unconventional knowledge, and a million other things, Good Stuff will help you let off steam AND look for the dots in your life so that you can connect them and make sense of times that make no sense.

This book is irreverent. It’s casual. It’s straight from the heart. And it’s yours for the price of 2 large coffees.

https://www.itsamandagraham.com/shop/p/buy-good-stuff

Even if you have to live in a studio tinier than a gnat’s ballsack.

It’s not elitist to say this.

You’re not selling out if you choose to live around people with more money.

Your status as a fellow cappuccino communist is secure. Promise.

Let me explain why. Here’s the context. Because I like to do things the hard way, I chose the cheap loft apartment in the crumbling, post-apocalyptic neighbourhood.

You must understand — I got the apartment because it’s fucking gorgeous. I have trees in here! When do you get a chance to get a loft when you’re broke AF? So I had the blinders on.

But then I realised it was one of the most dangerous neighbourhoods in Manchester. The street facing the end of my block had more crimes than anywhere else in the area.

I had to stay on guard every time we went out. It started to get old, really fast.

We use the same logic when we shag someone hot who we know is garbage on the inside. You can’t expect something tasty in a festering pile of crap.

As time goes on, the energy of a shithole makes it nearly impossible to escape.

Mentally AND physically.

It’s designed to keep you in despair. And fear. And blind you to all the good things that are possible for you in life. There aren’t a lot of options either.

There are lovely people around you- but they’re stuck in this shithole too. Going through the exact same thing.

Shitholes are designed to keep you in. Like a casino. Or house of worship.

And it has taken every fibre of my being to not go crazy while I try to get the fuck out of here.

The flat has been for sale for 4 years. It has fallen through EIGHT times as I write this.

Why?

Because no one wants to live in a shithole. They want to live in the best neighbourhood they can afford — because they weren’t an idiot like me.

Please don’t make the same mistake I did.

By the way, I’ve got a flat for sale if you’re interested.

— — — — 
This is an excerpt from the upcoming book Good Stuff to Read When You’re About to Lose Your Shit. Launch is 31st May. Click here to find out more and join the waitlist.

Make this one change that takes NO effort, and you will get RESULTS in your cold emails, job applications, etc.

Want to vasty increase your impact with NO additional effort? Especially if you find it hard to get responses to emails, job applications, etc.? 🤞

This is one of the best, most impactful tiny truths about one of our biggest (but most subtle) communication mistakes. Bringing this truth into my own life changed everything and I’m bringing it into the networking sessions too.

There’s ONE word we use ALL THE TIME that can really put people off without either of us knowing what’s happening or why.

It’s so natural we don’t even realise we do it. Especially in what we write.

But if we change it, we completely change how we communicate with others, bringing in much better results.

Ready? It’s the word “I”.

We use the word “I” waaaaay too much. The two most common places are emails and CVs.

Two examples:

Email: “I think your work is great and I would like to work with you. I’m a producer and I feel we have a lot in common in terms of feeling passionate about justice and I can bring a lot to your production.”

CV: “While in this position, I tripled the conversation rate. I negotiated 3 locations for no money. I used my skills as a content maker to create 10 videos for the website.”

Seems like no big deal, right?

Wrong. It puts us at the centre of the story, instead of the complete stranger who we’re trying to connect with.

If we simply take out the “I” as much as possible, and re-arrange with the other person at the centre, it makes an enormous difference.

Two examples re-done:

Email: “Your work is great — especially the ___ campaign you did. No doubt you have loads of people reaching out to work with you. But if you’re looking for a producer who shares your passion for justice, and who can bring extras like ___ to your production, let’s have a 15–20 minute chat. It would be great to hear your biggest priorities for the project.”

CV: “Tripled the conversation rate. Negotiated 3 locations for no money. Created 10 dedicated videos for the website.”

Sounds better, right? More collaborative? Less I-centred.

It really, really makes a difference.

How about you- were you ever taught about this in school or college? I certainly wasn’t and make this mistake for years!

Ever read a more cringeworthy networking-gone-wrong story?

Okay, this is my most EMBARRASSING networking story. It’s everyone’s favourite. Just to celebrate the penultimate day of this networking for outsiders series.

It was the early 2000s and I was working for the BBC in docs, but desperately wanted to be in comedy. We were the 5th floor, the comedy/entertainment people were the cool 4th Floor.

Now you have to understand that I was doing everything to get onto the Cool Floor. Everything except for get to know them, and have normal people conversations with them.

Until I got an invitation to a mixer. ON THE 4TH FLOOR. All the entertainment and comedy people! After I stopped hyperventilating, I decided to GO and get a 4th floor job.

Fast forward to the party. Thoughts were racing in my mind, “Don’t mess this up. Don’t talk too much about docs. Impress the comedy people.”

But it was tricky! Everyone already knew everyone. I had only one friend, we’ll call her V, who had just started working in entertainment. She grabbed my hand, and led me over to talk to her boss, an entertainment Producer who had worked there forever.

Now, the Producer was lovely! And so chatty! Was it really this easy? This thing I had been dreading? Was this a trick? Hooray! Result, right?

WRONG.

The problem was, I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying because I was obsessively thinking “MUST GET A JOB WITH THE 4TH FLOOR. MUST.”

Then the Producer asked me one simple question. “So what are you watching on telly that you love or hate right now?”

I don’t know why I didn’t go with a show I loved. Nope, I zeroed in a show that was driving me freaking NUTS. We’ll just call the show Silky, (because I’m not going to fall into the trap of publicly shaming it AGAIN).

Now was my chance to show I know how tv works! I went on and on about how much Silky sucked. The concept, the production values, the casting — everything about it was horrifying and there was absolutely no way of saving it.

By this point, I was pretty proud of my deconstruction. A few others in ear-shot joined us! Yes! I had supporters! We all hate Silky! Mental high-fives!

And then I finally shut up and waited for the inevitable “Wow, you really know your tv!” from her- maybe even a little applause.

And I waited.

Well, friends, I’ll give you one guess which tv show she had just finished producing.

She was nice about it but I was MORTIFIED. I escaped to the bathroom, shaking, frustration tears. V came in, asking what the hell happened out there.

Well V, what I did was create the most hellish situation by not listening.

Then I fled, into a cab and into the night, and refused to go to any more industry mixers for oh- a good year or two. You’d better believe I left the Cool Floor alone for a loooong time after that. So assume everyone knows everyone, everyone worked on every single show, whatever. Unless you want to roll them dice.

Tomorrow’s the last day of our getting-into-the-industry posts!

(The main image is from 9gag)…