I’ve long been a reader of the myriad of articles that are posted every day on this wonderful community. The sheer joy of reading and relating to the experiences posted here is difficult to put into words. But never before has a personal experience affected me so profoundly that it compelled me to write an article about it, until today. I had to get it off my chest really quick.

It so happened that along with my group of nine other friends, I was traveling back to Sri City (where I currently live) by train after a much-needed two-day vacation to Goa. The train halted per usual at one of the intermediate stations.

Time: 8:13 PM IST.

At this station, a eunuch (hijra, in Hindi) boarded the train and entered the compartment. For those who don’t know this, eunuchs travel in Indian trains for the purpose of extracting money specifically from the male passengers. I’ll be honest, based on my past experiences with them, I’m a bit averse to all the kinds of hostile interactions that a single ‘no’ can trigger. They try to harass, insult, or touch you inappropriately if you refuse to give them any money. Even though I think that it is wrong on their part to extract something from someone unwillingly, turning them down isn’t really worth the hassle and it is always better to give them some money (however small the amount may be) and get them off your back. Basically, if you’re a guy who’s travelling in an Indian train without any loose change with you, you’re in for some serious trouble.

I was sitting with a group of four friends when this one vociferous eunuch entered. She started demanding money from all the passengers nearby. When she was done collecting from others, she turned towards me and started asking for money. I did not have any loose change with me. I thought to myself, “What do I do now? She will continue to pester me unless I give her something… But from where do I give?” I decided to tell her the truth that I was not in possession of any money. A brief conversation ensued:

Her: “Paisa nikalo bhaiya. Chalo jaldi jaldi.”
(Take out money brother. Come on, be quick.)
Me: “Nahi hai didi.”
(I don’t have, sister.)
Her: “Nahi hai matlab? Dekho bhaiya seedhe seedhe nikaal lo warna main badtameezi karke bhi le sakti hai.”
(What do you mean you don’t have? See, give the money straight up or I’ll be forced to misbehave with you.)
Me: “Arey sahi mein nahi hai didi. Chahe toh aap wallet check kar lo.”
(I really don’t have money right now sister. If you want, you can check my wallet, for that matter.)

This led her to believe that I really didn’t have any money to give. She seemed convinced and moved on to other passengers. A while later, after she was done collecting the money from the rest of the men in the coach, she returned to the front side where we were seated. She wanted to exit the train at the next station. Now, out of the five of us, two had left for another coach to sleep there and another had fled from the scene citing an important phone call. It was just me and my friend (let’s call him Sun) left there. I was sitting on the berth opposite to where Sun sat. She came and sat next to him and politely asked him if she could use the electrical socket to charge her phone for a while. He obliged. Then, she asked if I could sit beside her for some time. Hesitantly, I agreed.

What I was expecting to be an incredibly awkward experience turned out to be some of the most rewarding moments I’ve ever felt. She showed the two of us a YouTube video in which she had starred. It was a Kannada documentary that revolved around the lives of transgenders, their status in the society and the issues they face. She happily skimmed through the video to show us the parts where she featured, evidently feeling very elated with her work. On further questioning, she revealed her name, Sonia (the one that she had adopted as part of her identity) and the place she belonged to. She was extremely courteous throughout the conversation and so were we. We tried our best not to ask anything that was hurtful or offensive in even the slightest way possible.

While all this happened, she still wanted to know why such a seemingly well-off bunch of men refused to give her a single penny. This is how the conversation then unfolded:

Her: Kya bhaiya, train mein aate ho aur paise nahi rakhte. Jhooth kyun bolte ho? (What brother, you’re telling me that you travel in train without any money? Why are you lying?)
Me: Arey sahi mein paise khatam ho gaye didi. Jahan se train mein chadhe wahan bhi paise nahi the. Do ATMs mile but paise nahi the kahin.
(Seriously sister. The station where we boarded the train from had two ATMs nearby but both were dysfunctional.)
Her: Fir kuch khaaya nahi kya train mein?
(Then you didn’t eat on the train?)
Me: Nahi didi, kuch khaas nahi.
(No sister, nothing much.)
Her: Kitne ghante ho gaye safar karte hue?
(How many hours have you people been traveling for?)
Me: Kareeb chaar ghante. Abhi baarah ghante aur karna hai.
(Approximately four hours. We still have to travel for another 12 hours.)
Her: Oh… (pauses) Ek kaam karo, yeh rakh lo. (handing over 30 rupees, 0.461 USD to me) Iska kuch khaa lo. Fir pet bharke kisi doosre ki madad kar dena.
(Oh… Do one thing, keep this. Buy something with this and eat. When you feel satiated, try and feed somebody else in need.)
Me: Arey didi yeh kya kar rahe ho aap? Aapse paise nahi le sakte, ye galat hoga.
(Oh sister what are you doing? We can’t take money from you, that’d be a wrong thing to do.)
Her: Rakh lo bhaiya. Aapne didi bola na mere ko, apni behan samajh ke rakh lo. :)
(Keep it brother. If you’ve addressed me affectionately as a sister then keep this with you thinking of me as your own sister only.)

This one small gesture from her moved me deeply. Here is a person, who is generally considered as a disgrace to the society, thought lowly of and repeatedly ostracized, being thoughtful and trying to help out another fellow human being out of plain humanity.

As the next station approached, she got up and prepared to leave. Before getting off, she looked at us and smiled subtly. She then got off the train. She reached the platform on the other side and both my friend and I decided to look through the window and from that distance, wave her a final goodbye, only to find her waving back at us. She later disappeared into the crowd.

A few minutes later after she left, my friend Sun shared with me some of his personal experiences. He told me how he never treats them (eunuchs) condescendingly because he himself has been a victim of discrimination and racism in the past. He told about how he did not use to like it when he would get ridiculed publicly in his childhood and mocked because of his color. All of this taught me something very basic, but also something very important. Never treat another individual as inferior to yourself. All human beings deserve the same amount of love and respect. And we should continue to treat people this way not just because it makes them happy, but because it elevates our way of thinking about a fellow human as well. I feel that we really need to strip ourselves off these biases. And these biases come from “labels” — caste, color, sex, race, religion etc. These are ALL labels. Labels that we put on fellow human beings around us. We should maybe instead label every human being with just one universal label — human. Maybe that will make us treat everyone with an equal amount of love and respect.

I have a newfound respect for all humans, in general. Yes, I choose not to use any labels anymore. Love and respect are the keys to success and happiness in life. I strongly believe that practicing these in real life can lead to a more cordial, harmonized society where nobody is looked down upon for anything.

Cheers! 🍻