how Nebraska is attempting to bring back the death penalty

The other day I went to the DMV to get a Nebraska driver’s license and to register to vote. As I was leaving there were two people standing outside with large clipboards asking people to sign a petition. Usually I try to ignore such people (a skill I picked up while walking past many of the very determined and seemingly indefatigable Greenpeace advocates throughout the streets of Chicago), but this time I was interested in what these two people were trying to get my signature for. They didn’t fit the stereotypical description that I have been used to seeing over the course of the last few years in Chicago. One was a male, probably in his late twenties or early thirties, wearing that classic black Tool t-shirt from Hot Topic and baggy black jeans. If this weren’t Nebraska I would have thought maybe I went to high school with this guy or something. He kind of had that look. The woman that seemed to be with him, and I’m sorry that I can’t think of any better way of putting this, looked like someone from the “after” side of an anti-meth advertisement poster. She was kind of wandering around talking to herself, sometimes deciding to engage with someone leaving the DMV. Those whom she decided to try and talk to did their very best to avoid eye contact while promptly power-walking to their vehicle.

When the guy asked me if I had signed the petition, I asked him what the petition was for.

“Oh, it’s for the death penalty, man. This is to get it on the ballot so the people can vote for it instead of the government doing it for us.”

I hadn’t realized yet that people were petitioning for this.

“Oh. Sorry, I don’t think I can sign that.” I said.

“Oh, ok. Thanks, man.”

The woman simply continued walking in circles, kind of mumbling to herself.

I walked back to my car feeling a bit down that there were petitions for this already. I knew that there was some vocal groups of people against the repeal of the death penalty, but I hadn’t anticipated that there would be people asking me to sign petitions to bring it back. I was elated that Nebraska repealed the death penalty at the end of May, and I was so thankful that Nebraska provided a decent example to other conservative states that yes, Republicans and Democrats can come together on a political issue and pass significant laws.

I knew the governor was strongly against it. He was making national headlines over his energetic support of the death penalty, despite it being repealed. He even made it on a segment of John Oliver’s show, Last Week Tonight. But I didn’t realize that meant there were going to be people standing outside DMVs and standing on street corners trying to get signatures. I’ve even seen people “dancing” with “Support Death Penalty” signs on the street like those Liberty Tax people dressed up as the Statue of Liberty, or like the 16 year old kid who works for Little Caesar’s dancing around with a “$5 Hot and Ready” sign like there’s no tomorrow. Only this time it wasn’t a Statue of Liberty (thank goodness) nor an enthusiastic 16 year old kid at his first job. It was an older (maybe seventy or so), white haired man pointing at cars and directing them to his booth to sign the petition.

This particular scene was at the parking lot of a Target down the street from me here in Omaha. I was a bit shocked by it, honestly. It was above 90 degrees. It was sunny. This is how he wants to spend his day? This is what he puts his energy into? I didn’t get it. And it bothered me a bit.

My gut reaction was to judge them. Why do they want to fight this so hard? What could possibly make them this motivated when there are so many other issues which are focused on saving lives or helping people. There is just so much riding against the death penalty here in the United States that I just don’t understand why people fight for it so hard.

But my judgment was soon dispelled by my genuine sense of curiosity. Why do they fight so hard for this? What makes them set up a tent in the parking lot of Target to try and get signatures? Maybe they have a good reason? Maybe they have even lost a loved one due to a brutal murder or something? Who knows?

[Side note: I have been trying to live into some of the values I hold more consistently. I have values of empathy and of courage and of authenticity and honesty. I am NOT the type of person to engage in a conversation with strangers, especially ones that are politically motivated. But I thought this might be a good example of a time to live into some of the values I hold.]

After thinking about some of these questions, and realizing that it really did no good for me to come up with narratives of my own, I determined that I would take the time to ask them myself. So, after stopping at Target for some things, I drove over to the back of the parking lot to ask a few questions. I was unnecessarily nervous about the encounter, but determined it would be good for me, and perhaps I could learn something. I wasn’t there to persuade them against believing in the death penalty, but rather to learn why they are so motivated to be for it, so much so that they are spending their time in a tent in the parking lot of Target on a hot summer day trying to get people to sign a petition.

When I got out of the car a man came out to meet me, clipboard in hand, and I engaged him with some questions. The man was a guy I’d estimate to be in his mid to late 40s. He was wearing a bright yellow shirt that said, “Support the Death Penalty.”

The following is an abridged version of my conversation. I’ve also edited a bit of the conversation for it to flow better, but I have not taken away whatsoever from the integrity of the conversation:

Me: Hey. I have a few questions about all this. I find this whole thing kind of fascinating and am amazed by how passionate people are about it on both sides of the issue. I am curious as to why you guys specifically are so invested in it — enough to set up a tent and ask people to sign [the petition] and things like that.

Him: Yeah, I know. But there’s Jenkins for instance. [A man who is on death row in Nebraska.] And I think about it, and you know, I think ‘what if that was one of my kids or my family?’ You know? That’s the thing right there. It doesn’t have to be for all of them, but the worst criminals, I believe yes. You know? Because they’re sitting pretty in there. And then they talk about how the injections are expensive and everything. Well, isn’t it an expense to keep them in there for thirty years, or whatever time they have?

Me: Yeah. I think that’s the practical thing, and I think a lot of the Republicans, I was surprised by this, have fallen down on this issue and are against [the death penalty.] It’s the practical side of things. It’s actually a cost benefit. It’s actually more expensive to have [the death penalty] because of all the court appearances and things related to that. Some of these things…

Him: I know. They’re trying to dispersuade you to not, you know…

Me: I know, but do you believe that “life means life”?

[NB: This a phrase used by anti-death penalty advocates. At this point I was holding a flyer that was given to my wife when she left the DMV by a person representing Nebraskans for Public Safety which had bulleted out a number of strong arguments against the death penalty.)

It was also around this time that I realized that I’m not a good interviewer, and I asked too many questions in a row and brought up too many details in a row and should have been more patient. But this is literally the first time I have ever tried anything like this before, so I know how to improve for the next time I try something like this…]

Me: And the victim’s family is dragged into the appeal process over and over again. And what that looks like. Or how [supporting the death penalty] looks like compared to something like the Charleston situation where the families boldly came out and said, ‘I forgive you,’ you know?

Him: I don’t know. I’m kind of both ways. But then again, for the worst criminals, like I said, if it happened to one of my family members I’d probably just shoot them myself, you know? If a kid was molested and killed and everything, what would you do, I mean? You would think about it.

Me: Yeah…

Him: That’s what I’m talking about. So that’s what I, I’m for that. For the worst criminals, you know? So basically, that is what this [petition] is for, I think, because they don’t do it for everybody. It’s the worst criminals. I mean, Jenkins. Look at that dude. So…it’s up to you. All it is, is to get it on the ballot to vote and that’s about all it is. It starts next year, in November or something like that. Get all these signatures on the ballot and we get to vote on it, so…that’s entirely up to you as to what you want to do.

Me: I’ve been curious about this whole thing myself. I moved here from Chicago a few months ago and I’m still getting used to the whole Nebraska political environment. I’m trying to understand better what it is like here.

Him: Oh, ok. So you’re not registered here?

Me: I just went to the DMV a couple days ago and registered to vote.

Him: Ok, it’s up to you.

Me: How did you get involved in this level of it?

Him: Well…I support it, but I’m getting paid too.

Me: Oh, ok.

Him: I was laid off and a temporary service brought me here. But I do support it.

Me: Is it a non-profit supporting this or what is…

Him: I’m not even sure. (A few chuckles.)

Me: Oh, that’s interesting.

Him: I don’t force anyone to do anything. It’s up to whoever wants to sign.

Me: Ok. Well, I appreciate it.

Ok, so that was my conversation. In a way it reminded me of freshman speech class in college because of how nervous I was. And also similar to how I felt after my speeches in college, I looked back and wondered why I was so nervous and why I skipped so much that I had wanted to say. But this was a learning experience for me.

I had played out a few scenarios in my mind as to how it would potentially go, but I hadn’t thought about someone who really didn’t know the arguments for or against very well. When I pulled out the flyer from the anti-death penalty group he sort of rolled his eyes and thought that all the arguments on the flyer were things just being told to me to “dispersuade” me from believing in the argument. (He’s probably right, because I agree with all their points…)

At the same time, he wasn’t really willing to engage in a deeper level beyond how he would feel should a person kill one of his own family members. And I get that. I can respect the empathy of that. But at the same time, that’s about as far as he goes. He implied that if it weren’t for the death penalty he’d want to just shoot the criminal himself. I think a lot of people share that sentiment.

I intentionally brought up the Charleston situation to counter or maybe challenge that sort of thinking, but I didn’t really leave any room for a real response — and I really wish that I had. It was the one point in our short conversation that he said “I’m kind of both ways.” So I guess the “worst criminals” would not include a white-supremacist going to a church and killing nine black church members at a prayer meeting. I assume he has rape or torture in mind when he says the “worst criminals.” But that’s another topic for another day, I suppose. And maybe I shouldn’t assume.

I wasn’t really prepared for someone to be there because they were being paid by a temp agency. He’s just there to get paid, and if he gets a few signatures, great. But he didn’t seem too invested one way or the other. He supports the idea of death penalty, but clearly that’s not what really motivated him to be there.

My goal, like I said before, wasn’t to persuade him, but rather to listen and see what his motivation was for being there on a hot summer day. In the end I found out that it was simply a job, and a way to get some money after being laid off. I get that. I will say that it feels a bit strange that people are paid to get petitions where the end goal is the government using the death penalty to kill our own citizens, even if they are the “worst criminals.”

It was an enlightening conversation, albeit brief and clunky. But I did learn some things and I hope to try something like this again in the future. Being a good interviewer and listener is something I want to improve at. The more I do it, the more I’ll learn.

I think finding out why this person was at least involved at this level gave me a real narrative to work with, rather than making up one of my own. I’m glad I challenged myself to do this and that I was encouraged by a few friends that I brought this idea up to.

I’ve included some details about how the death penalty was eventually repealed here in Nebraska. See below for a sort of timeline of important details that led to Nebraska finally repealing the death penalty.

It may have taken 37 tries over the course of 40 years, but Nebraska on May 27th officially abolished the death penalty, becoming the 19th state to do so, along with Washington D.C.

Here’s the quick rundown of how things went down:

• Despite a last-minute emotional appeal from Governor Pete Ricketts, state lawmakers voted to pass Legislative Bill 268 on May 20, 2015.
• The bill replaced the use of lethal injection with life in prison.
• This repeal effort differed from the many attempts of the past because drew support from a significant number of Republican senators.
• Reasons given for the support of the bill were “the higher costs of carrying out a death sentence versus life in prison. Some said they have come to oppose the death penalty for religious reasons, while others said it’s pointless to keep a punishment on the books that’s rarely implemented.”[1]
• On May 26th, 2015 Gov. Pete Ricketts vetoed the bill, sending it back to lawmakers who now had the opportunity to override the veto with a minimum of 30 votes.
• On May 27th, 2015 the legislator overrode Gov. Ricketts’s veto with a vote of 30–19.
• Gov. Ricketts responded: “My words cannot express how appalled I am that we have lost a critical tool to protect law enforcement and Nebraska families. While the Legislature has lost touch with the citizens of Nebraska, I will continue to stand with Nebraskans and law enforcement on this important issue.”[2]

Other relevant info:

• Nebraska hasn’t executed a prisoner since 1997, when the electric chair was used.[3]
• The veto came two days after one of Nebraska’s 11 death-row inmates died in prison of natural causes.[4]
• It does not apply retroactively to the 11 men on Nebraska’s death row. However, it would leave the state with no way to carry out their executions.[5]
• Gov. Ricketts donated $100,000 to Nebraskans for the Death Penalty in an effort to restore Nebraska’s death penalty.[6]
• Between Ricketts and his father, Joe, the founder of TD Ameritrade, the two have given $200,000 of the $243,866 in funds raised by the group.[7]
• “The anti-death penalty coalition, Nebraskans for Public Safety, reported raising $400,000 in cash in one donation from the Proteus Action League, an Amherst, Massachusetts, social justice organization.”[8]
• “Nebraskans for the Death Penalty must collect about 57,500 signatures of registered voters to place a referendum on the November 2016 general election ballot. If it can collect at least 115,000 signatures, the repeal of the death penalty would be put on hold until voters decide the issue.”[9]
• Ricketts has said he may donate more to the referendum drive, which has already been collecting signatures on street corners and parking lots across the state.

[1] http://www.omaha.com/news/legislature/death-penalty-repeal-passes-with-enough-support-to-override-expected/article_b1036632-fefa-11e4-8fed-77aa55beae0d.html

[2] http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/28/us/nebraska-abolishes-death-penalty.html?_r=0

[3] http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2015/05/26/nebraska-death-penalty-repeal/27987333/

[4] Ibid.

[5] http://www.omaha.com/news/legislature/death-penalty-repeal-passes-with-enough-support-to-override-expected/article_b1036632-fefa-11e4-8fed-77aa55beae0d.html

[6] http://www.omaha.com/news/nebraska/chambers-criticizes-ricketts-for-donating-to-death-penalty-effort/article_94d0802a-c6fc-5b2f-a1a8-45a2bc8e4035.html

[7] Ibid.

[8] Ibid.

[9] Ibid.

[A note to the reader: This is very much a working document of mine as I consider my views of empowerment and leadership. Please comment and add your thoughts or opinions. I’d love some pushback, too, if you happen to disagree with various aspects of what I have written.]

Over the course of my life I have had the privilege of being in a wide variety of leadership roles. In nearly every stage of my life I have been a leader of some sort in various groups or organizations, whether it be in Boy Scouts, school, or ministry. Empowerment is a term and a concept that has been used in nearly every group I have been a part of. Empowerment is often a goal of most leadership roles that I have experienced. We are told that a good leader empowers those below themselves — gives autonomy, gives power and responsibility to those under one’s leadership. And yes, I believe this to be true in a sense. But how this is done exactly is almost never explained. It’s just assumed that a leader will empower others.

What is required for a leader to be able to successfully empower those under his or her influence? Well, I believe this is crucial to understand if a leader is to successfully and consistently empower others.

One of the issues to first note is that the term empowerment is often thrown around with the assumption that we understand what it means. We may say that it means to give power to others, but what does that look like when it’s acted upon? Oftentimes what people call empowerment in reality looks like delegation. What often happens is that a person in a leadership role will see someone else taking on various responsibilities and deem that person an up and coming leader and then gives that person more responsibilities. Or someone wants to be involved in some way, and a leader puts that person in a role that might fit what the person wants to do.

So without ever taking any leadership courses at a university, these are details and thoughts that I have learned myself along the way.

An empowering leader is self-aware and honest.

For a leader to really flourish and be empowering, there is a prerequisite of being willing to be self-aware and honest about themselves. This creates an environment for them to be able to identify their own strengths and weaknesses. It allows for them to see where they have succeeded and failed in various endeavors of the past. It allows for them to be able to first admit their mistakes, and then to learn from those mistakes for further application.

An empowering leader knows their own gifts, strengths, and weaknesses.

Everyone has aspects of themselves that are gifts. These are the skills and characteristics that seem to come naturally, almost a part of one’s personality. Some people are gifted in being able to speak publicly for example. They are able to speak clearly and creatively communicate their ideas, thoughts, and stories. Some are simply gifted in this area, while others are not. Some are gifted in humility. They are the types of people that do things behind the scenes and are not bothered when they are not recognized for the work that they do. Gifts are the aspects that come naturally to someone. They are the parts of the person that are a part of their identity — and have been for as long as people can remember.

Gifts may be used and shown everyday, but some can be left undeveloped. Strengths, however, are usually the gifts that have been developed and nurtured in such a way that they stand out as a part of our identity and have become parts of our everyday actions.

Strengths are the skills and characteristics that oftentimes come easy, but usually they have also been developed throughout one’s life. Gifts and strengths often overlap, but not always. The way I like to categorize strengths is that they are the skills and characteristics that we have been told stand out in us and that we find our confidence in. They are the skills and characteristics that through training or life’s various experiences have been nurtured. Some people might have developed the skill of being a quick and improvisational thinker. This is a skill that might not have necessarily come naturally to them in the past, but through various experiences and schooling they have developed the ability and are very good at it. Some people might have the characteristic of being patient. This isn’t necessarily something that came easily to them, but throughout their life have been told they are patient and have continued to develop this characteristic in such a way that it has become a strength that stands out in their interactions with others.

Everyone also has weaknesses. These are aspects and characteristics of people’s life that have not been nurtured or addressed. These weaknesses usually arise throughout our lives due to the complexities of our personalities and temperament mixed with our life’s experiences. Most people, starting from a very young age, create coping mechanisms and ways to process the things we witness or hear about that lend themselves to be counterproductive to nurturing healthy habits, skills, or characteristics. Oftentimes these weaknesses are no fault of our own necessarily, but they remain hidden because we usually don’t want to analyze our weaknesses. However, oftentimes we are well aware of our weaknesses, such as a short temper or a tendency to judge people, but are unwilling to do the work necessary to change them due to our own pride or even because of our shame.

Naturally we like to focus on our gifts and strengths. And it feels good when people acknowledge them. We feel valued when they are recognized. And that’s ok. An effective leader knows their strengths and gifts well — and usually, they rely on them every day. But it’s even more important for an effective leader to know their weaknesses.

There are many advantages to knowing your own weaknesses:

• It illuminates the places in which you can grow.
• It helps to show the kind of people to surround yourself with and to learn from.
• It creates transparency with others and a sense of humility — a way to for others to see that you don’t have to act like you have it all figured out. Everyone has places in which they can grow.
• It keeps you as a leader in a place where you’re willing to learn — to still be teachable.

An empowering leader learns when and where their strengths become weaknesses.

The thing with leadership is that it, like most everything in life, is not done in a vacuum. We work and do life with other people. Other people who have personalities and strengths and weaknesses of their own. When working with people, things can get messy pretty quickly. Personalities clash. People can get defensive, prideful, or power hungry.

Most people lean into their strengths to help them in their tasks, relationships, and jobs. And for leaders, it is often their strengths that helped them get to where they are. That’s fine and normal. But in leadership, strengths are not always strengths. Sometimes the strength that helped someone become a leader hinders their ability to continue to lead well. Let’s say someone is skilled in making quick and wise decisions. This skill helped them stand out as a confident leader. And it was one of the reasons this person quickly became a leader in whatever circle he or she was a part of. But once this person was a leader, the skill of quick decision making might not be as helpful as it had been. The leader now has a lot more people to consider than just him/herself. To make quick decisions might not be a good thing like it once had been. People could be overlooked, voices not heard, and therefore problematic for good leadership.

So a good leader will be able to recognize these types of potential situations. They are self-aware enough to be able to recognize how strengths that helped get them to where they are, may no longer be strengths.

An empowering leader understands the value of diversity.

Because good leaders realize that leadership doesn’t happen in a vacuum, they see the value of those around them. They also don’t want surround themselves with people exactly like themselves. Diversity exists all around us, whether we can see it or not. There is diversity of race, which is what most people first think of when the word diversity is mentioned. Racial and ethnic diversity is such an incredible environment for empowering leaders. There are so many perspectives and backgrounds to listen to and learn from. Sometimes the act of simply listening to voices different from one’s own is an empowering act in and of itself. Being a voice for those whose voice is rarely heard or valued is a responsibility of an empowering leader. In fact, it may be a requirement of a truly empowering leader.

But diversity is not simply limited to racial and ethnic categories. There’s also diversity of age, gender, sexual orientation, theological background, socio-economics, political, and other cultural elements with people self-identify. An good leader understands that there is value in all this, and wants to understand and implement the strengths that come from all that diversity. A good leader recognizes this diversity and creates environments in which the diversity of voices, opinions, and beliefs can be spoken in a safe environment. That means the leader is first willing to be vulnerable before those he or she leads.

An empowering leader is relational.

This may be a very Western understanding of leadership, but I think it is very effective in any culture. We are relational beings, and I think we always appreciate it when leaders are approachable and relational. I believe that a good leader is willing to take the time to be truly relational with those he or she leads. He or she actually gets to know those around them. This means that a safe approachable space is able to be created. Being relational and approachable doesn’t undercut a good leader’s authority, it enhances it.

An empowering leader learns the strengths and weaknesses of those around him or her.

Because a good leader is relational, they are able to identify and learn the strengths and weaknesses of those around them. The leader is constantly people watching, observing those around them — noting how various individuals interact with each other, learning what they are passionate about, and what they value. The leader constantly keeps these notes in the back of their mind as they think about those they lead and serve.

What are some of the strengths of various individuals that are not getting utilized or recognized very well? Where are some of the weaknesses holding people back from growing or maturing as a person or potential leader? The leader then thinks about how various individuals could be empowered and given various responsibilities to tap into the their strengths and to help them overcome some of their weaknesses.

An empowering leader understands that true empowerment comes from the community, not from a leader.

This may be my most important insight. Something that I believe is unfortunately often misunderstood.

A leader is not someone who just recognizes a strength in an individual and then gives them responsibilities based on that strength. That’s delegation. It’s good the leader recognized the strength in that individual, but placing them in a place of power or giving them responsibilities isn’t necessarily empowering. It could be burdensome. The people they are leading might not appreciate their leadership style or strength. The individual’s weaknesses could be overshadowing their strengths.

A truly empowering leader understands that he or she is not the one who does the empowering — it’s the community that provides the empowerment. A leader is wise enough to place a person with certain strengths and weaknesses in an environment or community that will provide that empowerment.

An empowering leader appropriately places people, based upon their strengths and weaknesses, in environments that allow for their strengths to flourish and be recognized and their weaknesses to be nurtured.

This is critical for good leadership. If someone is a good at teaching and explaining things, then to place them in an environment in which they can teach others just makes sense. But the people that this person is teaching should also be willing learners. Maybe the person teaching is really great at explaining things, but severely lacks confidence. The people that surround this teacher should not just be willing learners, but encouragers as well. This group of learners could really encourage the teacher by vocally affirming his or her skills of teaching and explaining.

As a leader, it may even be important to let the group of learners in this situation know that this person is a really gifted and skilled teacher, but lacks confidence. Maybe the teacher also lacks tact as they teach or explain things, and the group of learners could provide feedback in a way which helps challenge some of the weaknesses that this teacher has. This allows for the teacher to have their strengths recognized, affirmed, and utilized while also aptly addressing their weaknesses in such a way that encourages growth. So in the end it is not the leader who actually does the empowering, it is the community. The leader simply helps create that an environment where empowerment can occur.

An empowering leader consults when possible with both the empowered person and the group or team they lead.

If the leader has successfully created an environment for a person to be empowered, then that leader doesn’t need to constantly be there. However, it is important to check in with the newly empowered individual. How are they feeling about their responsibilities? Do they feel that they have been able to use their strengths effectively? What has it been like to use those strengths? How have they been able to identify some of their weaknesses and perhaps start to lean into some of them?

It is also important to check in with the group when possible. From their perspective, what are things that are working? What are things that aren’t working as well? What have they enjoyed about the empowered individual? How have they grown under his or her leadership?

The model that I have just explained fits within situations where there the empowerment comes in the form of empowering leaders. But the key element in my opinion of true empowerment is that a community or a collective group of people is truly where empowerment is generated. It does not come from the top down. A leader may put the various pieces together or orchestrate events to occur — but the empowerment itself comes from the bottom up, not from the top down.

I recently read an article by Ta-Nehisi Coates in the Atlantic in which he refers to Robert Nisbet’s distinction between power and authority. I think his thoughts on power and authority are a refined and advanced reflection on my ideals of empowerment that I have just discussed. But it also shows the when people assume the power should come from the top down instead of the bottom up, major systemic issues can arise.

In his 1953 book The Quest For Community, conservative Robert Nisbet distinguishes between “power” and “authority.” Authority, claims Nisbet, is a matter of relationships, allegiances, and association and is “based ultimately upon the consent of those under it.” Power, on the other hand, is “external” and “based upon force.” Power exists where allegiances have decayed or never existed at all. “Power arises,” writes Nesbit, “only when authority breaks down.”

After an incredibly long and cold winter in Chicago, and the third snowiest on record, it finally warmed up enough a few days ago to allow me to entertain the thought that spring is indeed coming.

Due to my wife being nearly 39 weeks pregnant my mother-in-law had come up to Chicago the day before in preparation for the birth of my second son, and to help watch our other son. Earlier in the evening my wife had called letting me know that she would be home later than anticipated. With the combination of my wife arriving home late, my mother-in-law being home and able to watch my son, and the wonderfully warm weather, I decided that it would be a good time to take a night stroll through my neighborhood.

I popped in the headphones and went out for a walk. It was nice to see the streets full of life. People walking to and fro. Groups of friends hanging out, eagerly underdressed for the weather because of the hint of warmth in the air.

It was Pi day. Earlier on in the day I had gone on a walk with my mother-in-law and son to a local pie place to take advantage of the great Pi(e) day deals. At the time I felt somewhat guilty because I knew my wife would have loved to have been there with us. So as I passed by the local McDonald’s on my walk that evening I thought it might be a nice gesture for me to pick up a couple of those cheap pies for her. I knew she particularly likes the strawberry creme ones. She had had a long day, and she deserved some pie.

I have never been to our local McDonald’s in the evening before, much less a Friday evening. Apparently there are three groups of people who like to hang out at McDonald’s at this time of evening on a Friday night. And it was pretty cleanly segregated between the three groups of people.

One group, the largest group, took up most of the seating in the front part of the restaurant. Most seem to be in their mid-sixties or older. From what I witnessed, they all order the “senior coffee” for something like 65 cents and just sit around cackling about daily affairs. From the looks of it, it seems that they are the same group of men that sit out in front of the Bourbon Cafe during the summer, smoking incessantly.

The second group was that of what looked like mostly high schoolers. This was their hangout. I’ve seen this group of people here before at a time right after school had let out on a weekday. Kids running back and forth between tables, cracking jokes, flirting with each other. Some even trying to get some homework done.

The third group took up the back portion of the restaurant. From the looks of it, most of the group looked homeless or at least quite destitute. Dirty bags scattered around them, potentially holding all their earthly possessions. Some had cups of coffee or old hamburger wrappers on their tables. Most of them, however, were asleep either with their head on the table, or against the glass that separates the various booths.

I had bought some fries and a soda and had made my way to the back to sit and listen to some podcasts. Most of the people hadn’t even noticed that I was in their section of the room. I mostly just minded my own business.

A few minutes later, a woman with a large winter hat walked in looking for a place to sit down. She had a whole bunch of birthday balloons floating beside her in one hand and a Dollar Tree bag full of party decorations in the other. She reluctantly sat down facing me in the booth adjacent to mine. She gazed over to a man and woman across from us who were both sleeping. Her countenance fell with disgust. She saw an employee picking up the discarded trays and rushed over to him.

I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but spastically she pointed over to the two people sleeping in their seats. The worker seemed annoyed — not by the sleeping customers, but by the fact that he had to go try and wake them up because of this woman. I’m guessing that people aren’t technically allowed to sleep in the restaurant. But there were still seats, and they weren’t really doing anything that should be considered offensive. This woman just was overwhelmed with disgust towards them, and for some reason made up her mind to make it her mission to be sure they would not sleep in the restaurant.

The employee slowly made his way over to the two individuals and told them they needed to wake up. Clearly annoyed, they both opened their eyes, waited for the employee to get out of eyesight and went right back to sleep.

The woman thought this was some kind of outrage. She glanced at me to support her in her indignation. I would do no such thing. Right around this moment a young teenage girl, who I assumed was her daughter, sat down with her after being in the restroom. She had already missed the first encounter, but could clearly see that her mom was upset. She murmured about the sleeping individuals, jerking her head in their direction as she spoke. Her daughter slowly turned her head to glance at the two people and didn’t really seemed fazed. I’m guessing this is not the first time her mother has reacted this way to something that offended her.

At this moment the woman jerked off her winter hat to uncover a very, how shall I put it, robust mullet. I don’t know exactly what it was about the mullet, but it just made me laugh inside. There seemed something poetic about it, or maybe it made more sense to me. I don’t know.

She handed the balloons and bag of decorations to her daughter and went to go order. As she stood up her eyes were fixed upon the individuals, seemingly trying to wake them up with her stare of resentment. The daughter just got on her iPhone. She clearly didn’t care.

It took a while for her to come back for her food. In the meantime, the two individuals hadn’t moved an inch. They were sound asleep. As the woman came back with the food, she stopped dead in her tracks, stunned that they were still sleeping. She may have even gasped audibly.

When she got to the booth she motioned to her daughter to move to a different booth. They moved two booths over, still with in eyesight of the man and woman sleeping. Before the woman sat down, she went back to the counter to ask for the manager. A couple moments later the manager came out and begrudgingly told them to wake up. He didn’t even wait around long enough to see if they did wake up or not. He just did it out of duty. Like the other employee, he clearly didn’t care.

The woman was dumbfounded. Her face was red with anger and judgment. Reluctantly, she sat down with her daughter, who had already started eating by the point. For the entire meal she sat there glaring out of the corner of her eyes at the sleeping individuals. Throughout various points of the meal, the daughter tried to engage in conversation, but the woman just continued to stuff her mouth with fries and she shuffled with agitation in her seat because of the sleeping customers. It was sad to watch. She was so obsessed by the situation that she basically ignored her child sitting right in front of her.

I couldn’t grasp what it was that made this woman so upset. I mean, it’s McDonald’s. It’s not like it’s a nice restaurant. She couldn’t go complain to her waiter because there was no waiter. It’s McDonald’s!

As I witnessed this I was amazed by how much energy she expelled because of these two people sleeping. She became consumed with resentment toward them. Each interaction only fueled the fire. Her stares of judgment did nothing to them. They were sleeping. She could have sat with her daughter and enjoyed a meal together. But she made herself miserable by unnecessarily judging those two individuals throughout the entire evening.

As I bought a couple pies for my wife and headed home I thought about a quote that I heard somewhere. I can’t remember where I heard it first, but I know it’s one of those quotes that gets manipulated for various purposes. Anyway, I like it, and I think it speaks to the situation that I witnessed:

Living with resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other guy will get sick.