You like flowers, he hates them. You like to talk; he likes silence. You like to do candlelight dinners; he likes to watch the television and eat. You like to take long walks; he loves driving his car everywhere. You like to share all your feelings especially the ones which show you’re only human and you have fears, he likes to bottle them all inside because he’s the man.

I could go on and on, but you get the point. You and your partner have two very different love languages. It isn’t that he doesn’t love you, it’s just that he probably won’t ever express it and say it in a way that you’d like. And the same is true for him — you’d never say or do things that he likes because you just don’t get it.

But the big question is what do you do in such situations — do you leave this guy because he and you will never ever say or do things that either one of you will like or agree to? Or do you stay with him and try and find a common path where you both could meet?

Traditionalists would say that you should stay with the guy because, duh, opposites attract. They would say that look at the bright side — you guys will always have something new to discover in each other as well as something new to do together. They would say that you would never get bored of each other and you would always have the spark alive no matter how old your relationship gets.

On the other hand, realists would tell you that dash straight out of the door. That this relationship will always feel like a lot of work. That one or both the partners will never feel happy or satisfied. And that overtime, there would just be bitterness left between the two of you.

I don’t have an answer on who’s right or wrong. So, I turned to the experts on the internet.

According to all famous relationship gurus, love is all about trying and making effort. And I guess in the end, that’s all that counts. Are you both trying enough to communicate? Are you both trying enough to show each other that you matter? The idea is to try and meet each other in the middle. That neither of the partner should feel overburdened or over saturated, nor feel small or guilty for asking too much or too little. That nothing can ever replace the basics of any relationship — trust, respect and honesty between each other.

And if you have that then I guess it only makes sense to stick with each other otherwise god knows how many ‘swipe rights’ it will take to even get the next ‘partner’ in this age of instant gratification.

What was the first relationship you ever had?

What comes to your mind when I ask you this question? Your first crush, your first date or your first love?

You know what I go back to, I go back to my childhood!!

When I was in first grade and I walked in a class full of unknown girls as a new student where no one returned my smile. The teacher made me sit next to a little girl whose face was covered with loose curls falling across her face and her eyes were way too big compared to her small mouth. But I didn’t notice all this then. All I remember is that we spent the rest of the day clinging on to each other and chatting endlessly. That was the beginning of my first relationship, with my best friend.

Today its been more than 25+ years and we are still best friends. We live oceans and miles apart from each other and yet we are connected. Thanks to social media and all other means of communication, the distance has never mattered for us. We have found a way to stay connected. She still knows all my dirty little secrets and I, hers, and we swear to take them down with us to our graves.

Since then, every time I moved to a new place or began a new chapter, I ended up meeting one such person and so the number of my relationships have grown. I have been so choosy about my friends that I can literally count them in one hand, yet, at the same time I think I have been so blessed to have met all these wonderful souls. They make me feel special, loved, happy but never ever fail to give me a reality check, if and when I need one.

I am sure you all have such people in your life. People you can call at 4:00am after a bad breakup just to cry it out or people you can call in the middle of the day to get you out of your afternoon slug.

The point is, then why is it that for most of us, friendships do not come to our minds when we are asked about relationships?

After all, doesn’t it require as much effort if not more to maintain one strong, solid, honest friendship. Come to think of it, your friendships are the first relationship outside your family that you ever indulge in. You could not choose your parents or your siblings, but you could very well choose your friends.

You choose who you want to spend all this time with, who makes you feel good, who listens to your secrets and never judges you. You choose who you don’t want to compete with but rather make fun of. You choose who can see you in dirty PJs and messy hair but still love you. You choose who you can share your favorite biryani with and not feel cheated. You choose who you can abuse after a drunken night and wake up to love them more.

And then once you have this person, you make all the effort in making sure that nothing ever comes in between your friendship. No third person, no lies, no judgements. Definitely, no competition, jealousy or bragging.

You make sure to give your time to them and never ever take it to heart if they forget to return your call. Because you know no matter how many days go by since you last spoke, you would pick it up right from where you left off.

This is why, friendships are your real relationships!

And just like everything in this modern world is tough, maintaining friendships has its own challenges.

Between work commitments, partners and conflicting interests or even distances, friendships can break.

Which is exactly why I am writing this. When things go wrong in life, your work will not console you, your partner might not hug you — but your friend will be there for you. He or She will help you come out of your hard times stronger and better.

And honestly, It doesn’t take too long to tell your friend that “I love you” and “I am thinking about you”; it doesn’t take too long to just call them and have a heartfelt chat; it doesn’t take too long to plan a weekend getaway just to see them (especially if you can).

No matter, where you are and whatever path you’re on — if you have these beautiful relationships in your life then make sure you indulge them with some extra love this weekend. I bet, in the end, it’ll be you who will be the happiest.

When you hold your child for the very first time they’re born or when you actually first come to know that there’s something growing inside you? I am not a mother, so I don’t know anything about this feeling yet, but I know one thing for sure. You can never stop being a mother once you become one.

It’s like something inside you changes forever. You never really live for yourself from that day onward. Your life is not yours alone. It is connected to another living, breathing soul forever till your last breath.

There’s also something very universal about all moms out there — they’re all selfless, so caring and always there for you, no matter where you are. That’s a mom for you.

My mom is also like that and more!

To be honest, I was never a mom’s girl. I was more of my daddy’s princess. My mom was the disciplinarian of our house, always correcting us, always scolding us and always trying to show us what’s right and what’s wrong. But she was also the rock of our house. She fought so many battles, and she still is fighting some, but through all of them she never lost the zest for life. She stood next to my dad, shoulder to shoulder, and showed us at a very young age that just because we are girls, we should never feel any less than a man.

She also showed us the importance of good education, and maybe the fact that she was a teacher and then a principal for the larger part of my growing up that I learnt from her the importance of putting education first. She used to talk about a time when both me and my sister were little and how dad didn’t want to pay for our expensive convent education. But she stood her ground and made sure that both me and my sister got to go to the best convent school and learn all the skills that she lacks. And so today when anyone praises me for my writing or oratory skills, I want to bow down in front of her and give all the credit to her. Had she given up in that moment to my dad, both me and my sister wouldn’t be what we are.

There are so many stories like this that I can write about her but what I want to write the most about is her ability to give. Throw the largest stone at her, and she would still smile and invite you over for maybe some tea. Tell her she can’t do something, and she will show you how it’s done with energy and fervor. Put a hurdle as big as a mountain, and she will climb through it inch by inch. She can do so much and never even ask for anything in return.

Maybe that is why I miss her so much. Now, when I no longer live with her, when I don’t see her around me all the time, when she is not there to care for me and love me. I miss her and crave for her. And I want to be like her. I think of all the things she would say or do, and I try to emulate every bit of her. I even get a sense of pride when anyone compliments me that I look like my mom. The older I get, the more I want to be her. I see her reflection in me when I look at my own.

So, thank you mom, for teaching me so many valuable life lessons. I hope to be half as good as you when I become a mother myself. And to you all who are reading this, go hug your mom if she is with you and if not then pick up that phone and have a long conversation with her.

So, to collect my thoughts and emotions, I am trying to pen down 30 lessons/facts/feelings that I have learned in these 30 years. These are no life hacks, no mantras for success and for sure, no confessions. Simply put, these are some basic truths about life that I have learned in these 30 years of my life and which I can come back to, say in another 5, 10 years, and update in case life taught me something more.

1.Love your parents and always find time for them — No matter how busy life gets, no matter how important that work call is, no matter how fun that Friday night clubbing is. Make sure to find time for your parents because, in the end, you’ll realize they are your biggest cheerleaders! When the world out there will be handing you lemons, they will help you make lemonade out of it and drink it along with you. So yes, go ahead, cancel all those plans and make time for them.

2.Fulfill your parents’ dreams — and no that does not mean go join MIT or whatever the heck your parents ask you to study. But get to know their hidden dreams and desires, the ones they set aside because you happened to them and their own dreams got sidelined. Learn about them, work bloody hard to fulfill them, because well you’ll never be able to genuinely repay what they have done for you. But the smile that you will bring to them when you fulfill their dreams will be beyond anything you have ever seen.

3.Fight with your mom but know that as soon as you leave her nest you will miss her the most — Whoever knows me from childhood, must be aware of how much I’ve fought with my mom. But as I moved away from her, I realized how important she is in my life and how much I want to be like her as I grow old. But those fights have also taught me that the person you love the most, you will end up going back to them, no matter how much you fight.

4.Follow your dreams — Don’t follow the norms. The world will make you or rather force you to follow the norms. But fight it as much as you can. Do whatever that not just makes you happy, but actually, makes your soul happy.

5.Your career and your passions can be two different things — just because someone else is able to make money being a beauty and lifestyle blogger does not mean you will also be able to do it. And it’s ok. Don’t compromise on your career or your passions — just find the right balance.

6.Money is important — don’t be fooled by anyone who says money is not important. You just need to know how much money is important and stop before you’ve let go of everything in your life just because you’re chasing money. Don’t chase it or ruin your life in the pursuit of money. But know that you just need enough to have the kind of life that makes you happy.

7.Don’t compare yourself with anyone — as cliché as it sounds — this couldn’t be truer than in the times we are living in now. Do not compare your life in any way with anyone because simply put, you are on your journey and so is everyone else. You can’t skip your path and be on someone else’s. So, what’s the point in comparing your life to someone else’s and being sad about it?

8.Be a cheerleader for everyone in your life and not just for your best friend or your girlfriends — Be happy for everyone around you and be happy for their successes. Don’t be the jealous kind. No-one likes that. Choose happiness at every step even when you don’t want to.

9.Get inspired by others — instead of being jealous of your friend’s success — be inspired by them. Ask them what motivates them and maybe try learning from that to fuel yourself.

10.Have a group of solid girlfriends — I have always been a closed person. The Cancer-ian in me takes forever to open up, but I have a set of solid girlfriends who I might not get a chance to talk to every day, but I know, if I need them, they will drop everything and make time for me. You need such friends in your life.

11.Always be open to meet people and make new friends — you will go to multiple places in this one life, work at multiple companies, maybe like me, change your country. Be open to meeting people and making friends. You never know when and where you strike an awesome friendship. So always meet new people and be open to new conversations.

12.Never lose sight of who you are — this is especially true if you travel and settle in another country. Don’t try and ape the people/place where you move, because simply put, you will never be one of them. No matter how much you try, you were not born or raised there, and that difference will always shine through. Instead, try to fit into that society and culture without losing yourself.

13.Never be ashamed of where you come from — especially not from your cultural background or ethnicity. Neither from your small town or your simple upbringing. You are not defined by your origins so why hide it. Take pride in it and always take a chance in showing it off. You don’t know how good you will feel by talking about your culture in a room full of people who might have different assumptions about it. You will gain a new sense of respect because you didn’t try to agree to the opinions of the world.

14. Feel good about your body — No matter what your size is — revel in your body. Use it in whatever way you can and always be proud of it.

15.Marry your best friend — I have not been married for long but if these four years have taught me anything it’s this. Love fades, attraction fizzles and life gets busy. So, if you want to stay married for long and find genuine happiness in it, marry your best friend or at least find a friend in your husband 😊

16. Experience true heartwarming love — but once in a lifetime, I hope you all fall head over heels in love. If you are lucky that might be your partner and if it’s not, then also it’s OK. You just need to feel the power and beauty of love that stirs your soul, spins your head and makes you so happy that your heart can never ever express in words.

17.Your heart will break, and you will still be fine — you might be one of those who will fall in love very young and stay with that person. Or you might fall in love multiple times and yet not be with them. Whatever is the case, you will be fine. It might not feel like that but trust me, you will be fine. You will smile again; you will laugh again; you will love again.

18.Each relationship will teach you something new — every new person you let in your life will teach you something more about you. You will discover your own strengths, weaknesses, pet peeves, which is why you should fill your life with multiple relationships (and I am not talking about only a romantic relationship here)

19.It’s OK to Cry — and no you’re not weak if you do. This goes for both boys and girls. If it hurts you, moves you, makes you cry, then go ahead and shed that tear. No-one will judge you for that. And if they do, then you honestly don’t need those people in your life.

20.Remove Toxic people from your life — just remove them. You don’t need it. Life is too short to fill it with that kind of BS.

21.Express your feelings in front of people and always speak your heart and mind out — If you love someone, say it. If you hate someone, hell!, say it as well, on their face. But not to hurt anyone or demean anyone. Be fearless in saying what you want to without the fear of ridicule or retaliation.

22.Don’t talk behind people’s back — Gossiping might make you feel good for those 5 minutes but trust me it doesn’t add anything to your life. So, do it if it makes you happy, bitch and then forget. Don’t just keep doing it for long.

23.Always Choose You — In the end, this is one life you have and while you live for others, remember in the end you are responsible for your own story. So always prioritize yourself and never put yourself second to anyone.

24.Keep the child in you always alive — never let go of that child in you who would dance in rain, laugh like a crazy person, hug and cry at the same time and demands attention. Preserve that child and don’t let the harshness of the world ever take it away.

25.Always keep learning — there’s no shortage of newer things to learn in this world. You must be curious and ready to push yourself beyond your comfort zone.

26.Get a pet — whatever you like. Dog, cat, rabbit, parrot or even an iguana. Well, not that, but if that’s what floats your boat, then why not. Get a pet because you need to understand what it is to care for another living being and the kind that does not speak like you. You will realize so much about your own self just by tending and caring for a pet. This will also be your chance to feel the power of love which is unadulterated and pure in the most honest way.

27.You won’t always get what you want but still, Dream Big — not all your dreams will come true, and you will learn to be ok with it. You might hate it in the beginning but slowly you’ll start to realize that it’s for the good. But never let that stop you from dreaming more.

28.Success is not a straight path — and it’s never going to look the same for everyone. So, spend time in gaining experiences rather than hustling for success.

29.Be grateful for everything — thank your stars, your destiny, your god for everything that you have in your life.

30. Lean into God — and by that, I don’t mean religion. But knowing and accepting that there’s a higher power up there who is watching us and protecting us no matter what. Spend time in praying, meditating and connecting with your soul and your god.