Good day, entrepreneurs.

Starting a business has been like everything else new that happens in life. Have challenges come up? Yes. Have people talked to me like I’m an idiot? Yes. Have I been having fun? Yes.

I recently launched my clothing brand (woo!) and would like to share the lessons I’ve learned along the way in hopes they help you in your business journey.

Whether you’re starting a business from scratch, buying a franchise, or even starting a new workout routine, the bottom line is…if you aren’t confident in what you’re doing, you’re going to struggle.

I’m here today to make you feel less alone in your bravery pursuits, give you some confident lessons, and hopefully make you laugh.

1. Acting like you know what you’re talking about (when you don’t) will backfire.

Ask the questions that need to be asked without fearing you will look stupid. In the beginning, you probably will. And who cares if you do.

Like Rebecca Minkoff says, “If you don’t have thick skin in business, you’re not going to get very far.” So thick skin I grew!

2. Comparing yourself to other people who have been in the game for 40+ years makes NO SENSE.

Or 5 years or really any length of time longer than what you have put into it. You should only be comparing yourself to the person you were yesterday. Truly.

Comparison really is the thief of joy. Nothing productive comes from comparing yourself to someone else.

3. If you are not being 100 percent you, you are setting yourself up for failure.

This can sometimes be a difficult thing to be in business because you’re supposed to be “professional.”

For someone who preaches mantras to BE YOURSELF!! for a living, I really surprised myself as to how not myself I was when discussing my brand with veterans in the industry.

While there is a tactful way to finesse your personality in situations that call for more “business speak,” you still have to be you. Your you-ness is what dictates your success.

4. Going with your gut is always the right answer.

Again, for someone who shouts this concept from the rooftops, I was surprised at the times I leaned into someone else’s advice over my own intuition.

I assume this gets clearer over time, but in the beginning, it’s tricky to decide what’s right for your business when you have so much newness and uncertainty thrown at you. Give yourself grace, but always go with that initial gut feeling.

5. Reminding yourself of your “Business Why” is crucial to your success.

I learned this from fashion business experts Ana & Klas Kristiansson.

During a fashion business course I took with them, they hammered the idea into our heads that the “Why” of your business will guide every single decision you make — from the fabric you choose to the manufacturer that’s right for you to the language you use on your website.

Anytime I’m stuck on a design decision or don’t know who I should collaborate with for an event, I ask myself my “Business Why” and the answer becomes clear immediately.

6. Finding the right people to work with is key.

I’ve said this once and I will say it again — I would rather be raking leaves with someone who makes me a laugh for a living than having my dream job with a boss who is a nightmare.

Even if you’re a one-man team, you work with your customers at the very least. On that note, keep in mind your vibe attracts your tribe.

7. If you don’t believe in what you’re selling, no one else will.

I almost fainted when my dressmaker showed me the kimonos she handmade for me. I was so in awe of them — and of her for her beautiful craftsmanship. There is no cooler feeling than seeing something you’ve dreamed up in your mind sit right there in front of you to touch and ogle over.

The kimonos I designed (and my fashion taste in general) are a very specific look. They are not for everyone, which is what makes them so cool and special and exclusive.

I don’t say this to brag. I say it to show you that if you are not completely in love and totally obsessed with your product, no one else will be.

8. You MUST find ways to keep yourself motivated every day.

And it has to be more than looking forward to your morning cup of coffee and your evening glass of wine.

For me, it’s listening to business podcasts, humor podcasts, and loud music, taking long walks, forgetting about my phone, perusing pretty places like boutiques, book stores, and organic markets for inspiration, reaching out to people in the industry for advice, and committing to four solid hours of work per day.

Any entrepreneur will tell you that “the highs are sky high and the lows are dirt low,” and they are correct. Both of those extremes are fleeting, so you have to find ways to keep yourself excited about your business in the in-between times.

9. Doing one thing that makes you uncomfortable every day goes a long way.

Another self-helpery tidbit of advice that works wonders.

For me, this is telling a mom at a park about my line, showing her photos and asking her opinion about the looks.

Instead of thinking, “What if she thinks I’m being self-promote-y?” I think, “What if this is the clothing brand she has been searching for all her life and I am the one giving it to her?!”

Being delusional can work. At the very least, it’s a true mental health hack.

Takeaway

Your you-ness is what makes you amazing, and it is what will separate you in business. Don’t water your personality down for someone who thinks you’re too extra. If you believe in yourself and in your business, you will be successful.

Thank you for reading :)

Ashley is a Connecticut-based writer & fashion designer specializing in mental health. Her work has been featured in Forbes, POPSUGAR, Well + Good, and more. She believes our weirdness is what makes us great, and advocates for everyone to be themselves, always.

Sign up for her cheeky mental health newsletter here.

9 Confidence Lessons I’ve Learned From Starting a Fashion Business was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

You know what Pride is and what it stands for, but do you know the backstory? Allow me to enlighten you.

June is Pride Month, loyally dedicated to the celebration of LGBTQIA+ culture, the support of LGBTQIA+ rights, and the raised awareness of issues affecting the LGBTQIA+ community. Through the promotion of dignity and increased visibility of the LGBTQIA+ group, we can work toward a more loving world where people’s differences continue to be celebrated, not shamed.

This June marks the 52nd anniversary of the Pride parade to commemorate the Stonewall Riots of 1969, where police raided a popular gay bar in NYC’s West Village, The Stonewall Inn. While these unwelcoming busts were commonplace at the time, this particular evening was different — the patrons of the bar fought back.

This lead to six days of protests and violent clashes with law enforcement outside the bar on Christopher Street and neighboring streets, starting what is now known as the Stonewall Riots, marking the beginning of the modern Gay Rights Movement.

Another monumental change for the LGBTQIA+ community was the legalization of gay marriage in the United States, not becoming official until 2015. 2015! A mere seven years ago. After decades of struggles and setbacks, this was a huge win for humanity.

Through parades, marches, and other standout initiatives led by LGBTQIA+ members and advocates, Pride is an incredible example of acceptance and equality — showing all individuals that they matter. The goal, after all, is to improve the health, safety, and wellbeing of people who identify as LGBTQIA+.

According to NYC Pride, this year’s theme is “Unapologetically Us,” acknowledging the struggle and resilience (and might I add fabulousness) of the LGBTQIA+ community. In honor and support of everyone a part of this exceptional community, here are some easy (and fun!) ways to celebrate during the month of June.

Attend a Pride parade or event

This is perhaps the most obvious way to show support for LGBTQIA+ members, but a great one nonetheless. From small towns to major cities, you are sure to find a parade, festival, concert, or other outdoor event dedicated to Pride no matter where you live.

Volunteer or Donate

You can support your community through a variety of volunteer initiatives such as supporting a local LGBTQIA+ youth center or working a phone or text bank.

You can also raise money for one of the endless organizations aiming for equality of treatment like the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, The Pride Fund to End Gun Violence, or The Trevor Project, a nonprofit organization focused on suicide prevention efforts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning youth.

Become an Advocate

Whether it’s standing by a friend or family member who newly identifies as LGBTQIA+ or peacefully protesting against hate crimes in your town, you can know you are making an impact by utilizing your voice for good by getting out there and being active.

Sometimes the simplest gestures are the best ones, like starting a conversation with others about their personal experiences of “coming out” stories. Doing so can spark larger discussions within your circle of friends, leading to action that benefits anyone feeling alone or lost with who they are and how they identify themselves.

You can also take the pledge to speak up against hate and intolerance by being part of initiatives like the It Gets Better Project, whose mission is to uplift, empower, and connect LGBTQ+ youth around the globe.

Support LGBTQIA+ Art & Culture

The LGBTQIA+ art community is known for its vibrancy, color, and influence. To show your support, you can catch an LGBTQIA+-themed play or movie, or visit an LGBTQIA+ art gallery. And you can always support an LGBTQIA+ artist by purchasing their album, attending a show, or cheering them on in real life or on social media.

Use Your Voice For Good

As time presses on and new issues arise, it can feel both liberating and defeating to celebrate something that never should have been in question in the first place. Through efforts of getting out into the world to empathize with those who are misunderstood about their place in the world, we can, little by little, make the world a happier, more peaceful place to be.

May the month of June serve as a reminder to accept others before we judge. To empathize instead of assume. To support instead of shame. And above all else, to celebrate for celebration’s sake.

Ashley is a Connecticut-based writer specializing in mental health & wellness. Her work has been featured in Forbes, POPSUGAR, Well + Good, and many more. She is a forever advocate of colorful jumpsuits, and believes our weirdness is what makes us great.

Keep up with Ashley via her mental health newsletter, Sip Sip, for weekly tips on how to keep your mind right.

Why PRIDE is Celebrated in June was originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

According to the CDC, flu season occurs in the Fall and Winter seasons, peaking between December and February, with “activity” lasting as late as May. That’s half of the calendar year of being prone to a viral infection that “attacks the lungs, nose and throat,” causing our immune systems to crash, and in severe cases, can be deadly.

We can’t necessarily run away from ever getting sick, but we can take the right preventative measures when it comes to common viruses like the flu, and now, COVID-19, including washing our hands, wearing masks, and getting vaccinated.

Shelle Allen, mother to Madi Allen, spoke with me about how the flu nearly took her daughter’s life, and how being unvaccinated serves as a reminder to parents and children everywhere that the flu (or COVID and other airborne viruses) does not discriminate — “it doesn’t care if you are young, old, healthy or have a chronic disease,” Shelle says. “It could impact anyone.”

Shelle shares her story because she wants to help parents and caregivers understand the importance of the influenza vaccination, which can potentially help others from going through what she did.

What Every Parent Should Know About Flu Vaccination

“Madi was a healthy and active 12-year-old looking forward to Spring sports,” Shelle told me. “But shortly before visiting a friend’s birthday party, Madi became sick; her cough and fever rapidly deteriorated into difficulty breathing and she was hospitalized with the flu and double pneumonia.”

This was back in 2011, a year that Madi did not receive her flu vaccine, which doctors informed both Shelle and Madi being vaccinated could have helped prevent Madi from hospitalization. Today, Madi still suffers from a “severe cough,” and in January of 2021 had to have part of her left lung removed due to the damage the flu inflicted over a decade ago.

On life support, Madi was quickly transferred to the Children’s Hospital in St. Louis where she spent three months in a near-death situation. For five weeks, Shelle wasn’t able to see her daughter while she was placed on an ECMO, ventilator, and dialysis.

“Being a parent to a child hospitalized with flu is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone,” Shelle commented. “Although most people are not impacted as severely as Madi was, her story serves as a reminder of the importance of influenza vaccination to help protect ourselves and our loved ones from potential serious influenza-related complications.”

After Madi came home from the hospital, Shelle joined Families Fighting Flu, a nonprofit dedicated to educating on the importance and seriousness of influenza. The organization encourages people to make a commitment to protect themselves, their families and their community by getting the annual flu vaccine.

“I’m so proud to advocate,” Shelle said of the organization, “because I don’t want another mother or caregiver to have to go through an experience like mine.”

A Doctor Weighs in on The Importance of The Flu Vaccine, and How We Can Avoid a “Twindemic”

If you haven’t yet heard of “Fluorona” here is your crash course, coming from Dr. Gregg Sylvester, MD, Chief Medical Officer of Seqirus, a global leader in influenza prevention.

“There is not an official medical diagnosis used to describe co-infection of both seasonal influenza and COVID-19,” Dr. Sylvester said. “While the probability of co-infection is low, it is possible. In general, having a viral infection like COVID-19 or influenza can compromise the immune system, which means that the person is more vulnerable to having a second infection.”

Dr. Sylvester states as our healthcare system “continues to be overwhelmed by the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic,” it is “critical that we do what we can to minimize any additional burden placed on the system by influenza.” In correspondence with the CDC, Dr. Sylvester notes that a flu vaccine is the best preventative measure against getting infected and preventing some of the serious influenza-associated complications.

“People of all ages, regions, and socio-economic levels have the potential to be affected by influenza and COVID-19,” Dr. Sylvester pointed out. “However, there are populations at a higher risk for flu-related complications.”

This includes adults older than 65 years of age, who have the “highest chance of susceptibility to influenza,” as well as children younger than five years old, “especially those younger than two,” Dr. Sylvester said.

Dr. Sylvester stated that research has shown that the “yearly influenza vaccine can reduce flu illness as well as more serious flu outcomes that can result in hospitalization” (like Madi’s situation), and that “children six months to five years (who are otherwise healthy, he notes) are at a high risk of influenza-related complications simply due to their lack of prior immunity.”

Just like our healthcare experts and professionals (in line with recommendations from the CDC) have been telling us for the past two years, if you are sick with the flu or COVID-19, you should stay home (with the exception of getting medical care), separate yourself from other people in your home, monitor your symptoms, and get tested.

For more information on the Families Fighting Flu Vaccination Promise, head to their website.

Ashley is a Connecticut-based freelance writer specializing in mental health. Her work has been featured in Forbes, Well + Good, POPSUGAR, Modern Mom Probs, and more. On a mission to make mental health work fun, she believes our weirdness is what makes us great.

Sign up for her cheeky wellness newsletter here.

Mother Shares How Flu Nearly Took Her Daughter, And Encourages Everyone To Get Vaccinated was originally published in Modern Women on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Spring has sprung, which means we are ready to climb out of our hibernation holes and get out into the big bad world.

In the spirit of Spring Cleaning, I thought it would be wise to remind ourselves of how to fully enjoy this season of purple tulips and evening glasses of Rosé, simply because sometimes we need reminding.

Whether you’ve got a case of the Springtime Blues or are rare and ready to get your Spring socializing on, here are four fabulous ways to ensure your mind stays as clear as the Spring blue sky.

Be Selectively Social

There has been a lot of talk lately on “leaving toxic friendships behind” and “surrounding yourselves with good people,” all in the name of wellness.

And there is merit to it.

Hanging out with people who energize you is invigorating — healing, even — while being in the presence of negative people and energy suckers is depleting beyond measure.

Be selectively social in every sense, from your social circles to your emails to your social media channels. Unfollow people (online and in real life) who are filling your brain with negativity, comparison, and plain old junk, and replenish with feel-good people/accounts.

Structure lunch into your day

Do you know why French women look so put together all of the time? It’s because they treat lunch like a sacred ritual. While there are many reasons why the French consistently out-chic us, here we are talking specifically about lunch.

French women don’t “work through lunch” or treat it like it doesn’t matter. Eating lunch is like breathing to the French. They do it so habitually that they don’t need to think about it, it just generates.

When you’re feeling that inevitable afternoon brain fog, shut your laptop, go get some lunch, and SIT DOWN to eat it. Doing so calms the nervous system, allows for better digestion, and fuels your brain to make it through the rest of your day feeling sharp, creative, and satisfied.

Stand up straight

Renowned fitness expert Denise Austin credits great posture as the ultimate wellness hack, and I agree. From better breathing and relieved back pain to improved mood and boosted energy, the health benefits of good posture are plenty.

I have been really intentional lately about employing good posture, and have noticed a positive change not only in my body, but in my behavior.

When you present yourself with your head held high and your shoulders back, you are communicating a high sense of self-worth and confidence.

Slouching, on the other hand, takes physical work and gives off the impression you are sad and have low self-esteem.

Meditate on your future

If you find yourself complaining about how your days are too boring or too chaotic or not fulfilling enough, try meditating on your future.

Set aside 2 minutes every morning where you do nothing but sit on the floor and envision what you want your days to look like — emphasizing how you want to feel in those days.

(If you want to take it to another level, light a candle, close your eyes, and sit in the traditional meditative pose with your legs crossed and your palms up).

What are you wearing? What is the energy like? Who are you spending time with? What needs to happen in order for you to feel alive and excited about your life?

Be as specific as possible with this exercise — from what the fabric your kimono robe feels like on your skin to what the chic restaurant you’re having a glass of celebratory Veuve in looks like.

Thank you for reading.

Ashley is a Connecticut-based writer specializing in mental health. Her work has been featured in Forbes, Well + Good, POPSUGAR, and more. Her mission in life is to make mental health work fun, and believes our weirdness is what makes us great.

Sign up for her cheeky wellness newsletter here.

4 Ways To Spring Clean Your Mind was originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

As moms, we need an escape from the mundane every now and again. We need vacations more than once a year. We need our girlfriends. We need candid conversations on how taxing motherhood is. We need laughter. We need pockets of sunshine when it’s raining. We need each other.

Whether you’re a brand new mom thrust in the tundra of newborn dizziness or a veteran mother smiling back at your great, great-grandchildren, it’s pretty amazing that we all have the same thing in common — the deep understanding of what a mixed bag of emotions motherhood brings.

Sometimes what we need most is for someone to look us in the eye and say, “I get it.”

When I became a mom, I learned the hard way that good mental health is not a given. Now, after the fact, I know that being proactive with your mental health is the only way you win in parenthood. And in life.

Here are 4 things moms can (and should!) routinely do in order to keep their mental health in tip-top shape.

Take Seasonal Mom-Springas

Aka solo vacations away from your kids and all other responsibilities so you can return home refreshed, recharged, and excited about life.

Having trips and other fun to-dos to look forward to is everything when it comes to mental wellbeing. These can be day trips, staycations, or weekend getaways — go to the spa, go shopping, visit friends, go on a wellness retreat, etc. The point is to do something indulgent for you and only you.

Own a Cool Mom Mantra

We are who we say we are, so when we repeat powerful, positive phrases about ourselves each day, we train our brains to believe them.

Self-mantras like “I am a badass,” “I deserve happiness,” and “I am in control of my day” are magic. They make the tough days bearable and the good days that much better.

Pick a Mindfulness Spot

While we can’t prevent the overwhelm and confusion of parenting when it strikes, we can put ourselves in a zen state of mind when we feel we’ve reached our snapping point.

Designate a peaceful area in your home (like your back porch or favorite sofa) when you need a minute to breathe. Meditating, even for a minute or two, holds the power to shift our mind and rid negative energy. It is a grounding practice reminding you that whatever chaos is happening will pass, and that you are in charge of your attitude.

Be Blunt with your Partner

When you’re feeling disconnected, tell your partner exactly what you need from them. A hug? A night to be left alone without feeling guilty? Take the initiative to plan dates if your partner won’t. And remember you are in parenting together.

Phrases like “I need you to cover bedtime tonight” or “We need to have sex” are necessary in keeping both your relationship and your mental health intact.

Thank you for reading!

Ashley is a freelance writer based in Connecticut specializing in mental health. Her work has been featured in Forbes, POPSUGAR, Well + Good, Modern Mom Probs, and more. Her mission in life is to make mental health work fun, and believes our weirdness is what makes us great.

Keep up with her cheeky mental health newsletter, Sip Sip.

4 Modern Mental Health Tips For Moms was originally published in Modern Women on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Wellness, previously reserved for the “elite,” has evolved from an unattainable way of living to a necessary means to keeping our mental, physical, and emotional health in check.

You don’t need to have an expendable income to reap the infinite benefits of wellness-y to-dos. Living a well life is about habits, not pricey trends — although if you can swing it now and again, fancy wellness is certainly enjoyable.

Here are 6 habits I have adopted in the realm of *Wellness* that any wellness buff will enjoy

Delay caffeine.

The first thing you should be putting into your body when you wake up is water. Water wakes up your organs and flushes out your stomach, cleaning your system and making you feel refreshed and focused.

If you wake up at 6 am, don’t have a cup of coffee until 8 am. Why?

According to Insider, “Cortisol-derived alertness and concentration tend to peak 30 to 45 minutes after waking up. Therefore, waiting about an hour will give you the ‘true caffeine’ effect.”

Side note: The anticipation of that first cup of coffee makes it taste all the better.

Meditate on your future.

If you haven’t jumped on the meditation bandwagon yet, meditating on your future may be a good place to start.

Pick a time each day, maybe first thing in the morning or right before bed, to dedicate a few minutes to sit down (sans distractions) and think about what you want your life to look like.

It is manifestation at its finest, and when done consistently, it works.

Meditate with your legs up.

In yoga speak, this is referred to as “Legs Up The Wall” pose. According to Yoga Journal:

“This pose gives blood circulation a gentle boost toward the upper body and head, which creates a pleasant rebalancing after you have been standing or sitting for a long time. If you are stressed, fatigued, or jet-lagged, this pose is especially refreshing.

But its true greatness is that it teaches us experientially that positive results can come from doing less, not more.”

This position calms your nerves, helps quiet the mind, eases headaches, increases circulation, and even improves digestion and sleep.

Put your bare feet on the Earth.

“Grounding,” or “Earthing,” is the act of walking barefoot on the Earth, whether it be sand, dirt or grass.

According to Dr. Lisa Bingham:

“When you walk barefoot on the Earth your body picks up free ions from Earth’s surface that act as antioxidants in your system.”

The benefits of Grounding include: decreased inflammation, less anxiety, improved cortisol levels, more energy, faster wound healing, and enhanced sleep.

No phone 2 hours before bed.

This tip isn’t novel, but there are serious health benefits attached including a better night’s sleep, increased alertness the next morning, and improved cognitive functioning.

Instead of looking at it as something being taken away from you, view it as gaining something new.

Whether that’s picking up a new hobby or spending quality time with your kids or partner, you will be amazed at how much time you have without being attached to a device. And how much more enjoyable life is lived outside of your phone.

Read to let your mind rest.

While self-help and business books hold their weight in the wellness world, we have to give our brains a break from constant decision-making and strategizing.

Reading for pleasure, aka anything fiction, is an incredible habit to incorporate into your evening wellness routine — perhaps replacing that late-night doom-scroll?

Reading fiction has been used as a form of therapy for centuries, increasing readers’ empathy, imagination, critical thinking, creativity, and mental performance.

Head to your local library and pick up a mix of humor books, fantasy novels, and psychological thrillers. Reading is, and always will be, cool.

Thank you for reading!

Ashley is a Connecticut-based writer specializing in mental health. Her work has been featured in Forbes, POPSUGAR, Well + Good, Modern Mom Probs, and more. Her mission in life is to make mental health work fun, and believes our weirdness is what makes us great.

She is the Mastermind behind Sip Sip, a weekly newsletter dedicated to improving mindset health in fun, creative ways.

6 Wellness Tips To Boost Your Creativity was originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Research has shown that ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), a disorder marked by inattentive and/or hyper-impulsive behaviors, which can impact development and functioning, is more heritable than most other mental conditions.

Brittany Allen, a single mother living in California with her two daughters, spoke with me about how she felt like a “failure” when her daughter, Emily, was diagnosed with ADHD at age three.

Hoping to share helpful tips with other parents and kids living with ADHD, and in the midst of continued external stress caused by the pandemic, Brittany continues to advocate for the mental health of families everywhere.

Feeling Different

“Emily was always a very different child,” Brittany tells me. “I thought it would be easier with her being my second, but her behavior was very different from my first child. Emily was incredibly active to the point of getting lost in grocery stores. She was so interested in her environment that she started having a lot of tantrums, about everything, and they weren’t normal 2-year-old tantrums.”

Brittany was diagnosed with ADHD herself at age seventeen, starting medication soon after, which she claimed was “very helpful,” especially in college. Going off the medication when she got married and had a baby, she didn’t think it was causing a problem in her life until her daughters got older.

“I started to connect the issues I was having in my 30s — a lot of problems organizing my life, my house was always a disaster, and I felt like I was playing catch up the entire weekend,” Brittany said. “I wasn’t enjoying working, I wasn’t enjoying anything, and would always question, ‘What is wrong with me?’”

Feeling extremely frustrated that she couldn’t “get it together,” both for herself and her kids, Brittany brought it up to her doctor who replied, “Well, you’re a mom and this is just how it is.”

A Day in the Life with ADHD

Like most kids and adults with ADHD, it takes Emily longer to do basic things because she gets distracted. “Eating breakfast, for example, takes longer than it needs to,” Brittany says. “If I’m not on top of her, we fall behind.”

With ADHD, the filtering mechanism in your brain doesn’t operate efficiently.

“I felt so relieved to be able to share these intimate insecurities about myself, like being late,” Brittany says upon her diagnosis, “because I never understood why I couldn’t be on time. My dad (who also has ADHD) is late to everything, too. So now we share suggestions with each other on what this article said or listen to a podcast where a researcher discusses ADHD.”

Emily is currently on medication that she takes on an as-needed basis, and Brittany says her daughter has become “more vocal” about taking the medication as she gets older.

“If she doesn’t feel like taking it, I don’t give it to her,” Brittany says. “I respect her decision.”

Finding Tools to Help

Brittany explains there are a lot of tools she uses to help manage her symptoms of ADHD, including listening to podcasts and finding resources that teach her and Emily how each of their brains works, and how to utilize those findings to their advantage.

Brittany credits preparation and routine as the main things that help the two of them navigate life with ADHD.

“Starting our day on a schedule sets the day up for success,” she tells me. “Going over our schedule the night before is really helpful. We have a lot of post-it notes, too (what we’re doing for school and when activities are), so when we start our morning, we refer to that instead of thinking of everything we have to do and feeling overwhelmed by it.”

Another tool that works great for the mother-daughter duo is eliminating visual clutter.

”Eliminating clutter from my workspace and her space made such a difference,” Brittany said. “The filtering mechanism in your brain for tasks just doesn’t operate efficiently, and clutter makes it worse. When I started integrating these tools, in our lives and in our habits, we prioritize making sure things are picked up, and we’ve seen so much success with this.”

Other things that have worked great were cutting Emily’s toys in half, and initiating short-term consequences and rewards, like telling Emily to pick up her dishes and then clean her room, before she could play.

Advice for Other Parents (and Their Kids) Living with ADHD

Brittany suggests focusing on learning tools for the entire family, stating everyone can become more successful by incorporating healthy routines the whole family can benefit from.

“Embrace that ADHD is part of your life,” she suggests. “Don’t just try and make it go away. There are different time-management tools that will help your brain filter tasks better, and the more you do it, the easier it becomes.”

Brittany claims that everybody can use these tools, not just people with ADHD. “Sometimes these tools are the only way we can manage tasks,” she says. “I also think there are a lot of undiagnosed adults. If they know they have it, they can see all of the tools to manage it and it becomes less scary because you feel more equipped to cope.”

Brittany says she is proud to be able to use her ADHD in a positive way, building good habits and understanding that medication isn’t “fixing” her brain, but helping her cope with the condition.

“I want Emily to grow up thinking, ‘I have ADHD and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished,’” Brittany says.

While our busy lives can be hard for our brains to process (especially when you already have trouble filtering tasks), they can be wonderful and fulfilling, too.

“You can still manage your fun, full schedule while not feeling overwhelmed by it,” Brittany says. “As long as you have the tools, you don’t have to be afraid of your ADHD — you can live a wonderful life with it.”

Ashley Alt is a freelance writer based in Connecticut specializing in mental health and wellness. Her work has been featured in Forbes, POPSUGAR, Well + Good, Modern Mom Probs, and more.

She is the mastermind behind Sip Sip, a weekly advice column for modern moms looking for ways to improve their mental health.

This Is How Millions of Moms, and Their Kids, Are Living Successfully With ADHD was originally published in Moms Don’t Have Time to Write on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

If being a mom is the “hardest job in the world,” why do moms get judged for getting help? From nannies and au pairs to daycare centers and help from our own parents, why do we feel guilty for letting other people take care of our kids?

When I moved to Connecticut, I was entertained by routine questions I received from fellow parents regarding my children’s caretaking. Questions like, “What do you do for fun?” instead of “What do you do for work?”and “What nanny service do you use?” instead of “What daycare center do your kids go to?” left me intrigued by the clear cultural differences that were present from just mere states away.

I grew up in Ohio, where parents dropped their kids off at in-home babysitters before jetting off to work — houses where 15+ kids were packed in with cartoons blaring and snacks at the ready.

Here (in Connecticut), it is assumed that the mother stays at home and/or has an au pair for her children. And in some instances, a nanny for each child (as I have seen firsthand).

While the snap reaction is to roll your eyes at these women who are privileged enough to have live-in au pairs at their beck and call, I wanted to take a look at the whole picture of why having a “Mother’s Helper” in the house was just as normal as having a family pet — and once I started asking questions, I understood.

These women, the ones with multiple nannies and postpartum doulas and “Errand Assistances” are privileged, obviously, but they are also smart. Why should they be judged for outsourcing help if that makes their lives more enjoyable?

They don’t buy into the motherhood martyrdom mentality that the Midwest pushes. “You sacrifice for your children,” I can still hear the women at the town salon hissing.

With spouses traveling frequently for work and grandparents unable to help when school gets canceled or kids get sick, what other option do working mothers have?

We all make some level of sacrifice when we become a parent. A day in the life of a single mom is filled with vastly different challenges than a day in the life of a heterosexual couple, and so on.

But the point is not to compare single mothers to nuclear families or wealthy moms to low-income moms or black mothers to white mothers, but to recognize that parenting is truly a team sport, and it’s about time we acknowledge it as such.

Instead of judging one another for the caretaking choices we make, and in many instances the choices mothers are forced to make, is it possible to come to a place of understanding and acceptance instead of judgment? Can we normalize “help” in motherhood?

We Need To Stop Striving For Perfection

Parenting expert Robbin McManne gives us insight on how moms can feel good about their caretaking choices, no matter if they need an extra set of hands because they’re working late, or vacationing with friends in Bora Bora.

“We need to stop thinking everyone else has it together but ‘me’,” McManne says. “It’s simply not true. Everyone struggles, gets it wrong, doesn’t know what to say, and fails. This is what it is to be human. When we do, we stop the façade of perfectionism and open up a space to be real. It helps everyone do the same.”

McManne also suggests we reframe what asking for help means, as many people think asking for help signifies weakness, when really, it’s the opposite.

“We need to stop telling ourselves we don’t need help or our needs don’t matter,” McManne tells me. “Why? Because when we don’t get the help we need, who suffers? US, and our kids! We’re giving them a mom who’s burnt out, exhausted, and barely surviving. Don’t we want to show our kids what it is to lead a happy and healthy life? When we’re running on fumes, we are quick to anger, frustration and impatience. THAT will impact your parenting in ways you won’t feel good about.”

Another thing we don’t tend to think about is how when we ask someone for help, it makes them feel good, McManne pointed out.

It’s nice to know you are needed, trusted, and loved by someone, whether it’s a text from a friend asking to chat, or a phone call from a neighbor offering to give you a kids-free afternoon.

McManne’s final reminder on normalizing help is that motherhood ebbs and flows. There are seasons when things are going well, and times when we really need help, which needs to be recognized.

“In the times you’re doing well, be on the lookout for someone who might need your help and reach out to them,” she advises. “There is so much joy to be found in giving, connecting, and helping others.”

Ashley is a Connecticut-based freelance writer specializing in mental health, wellness, and fashion. Her work has been featured in Forbes, POPSUGAR, Well + Good, Modern Mom Probs, and more. Her mission in life is to make mental health work fun.

Sign up for her cheeky mental health newsletter here.

“Help” in Motherhood Needs To Be Normalized was originally published in Modern Women on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

They say there is never a right time to start a business. Whoever “they” are is correct.

It was Mother’s Day of 2020. I was sipping champagne, scrolling through Pinterest and watching my son fish with his dad. The sun was shining and I was pretending, if only for a moment, that we weren’t living in a pandemic.

In retrospect, I was escaping the mask-mandated, terrified-to-touch-anything reality the way I know best — shopping.

As I welcomed the sunshine on my face and fantasized about a luxurious wardrobe that any good socialite would love, it hit me. I wanted to start a clothing business. And not just any clothing business — a business that would give women permission to reclaim the identities they lost through motherhood, divorce, a big move or other life-altering event.

I went home, got out my journal, and scribbled “VALT” (a play on my last name) in big, bold letters at the top of the page. I spent the next several months creating mood boards, conducting market research, and asking friends what their shopping pain points were.

I enrolled in online business courses to get clear on what I wanted my brand to stand for and the woman I wanted to cater to. I was a woman obsessed.

Then, just as momentum for my idea started to take off, I found out I was pregnant. And while being pregnant (or being a mother for that matter) shouldn’t deter anyone from carrying out their dream, the reality is that it does make it harder. But not impossible.

Instead of viewing my pregnancy as an obstacle, though, I looked at it like a business timeline. I have 9 months to figure out what I want to do, what I want to sell, and who I want to sell it to.

How I make progress on my business every day, with a baby on my hip

Fast forward 9 and some odd months later, and this is what my day consists of:

Opening up my laptop when my daughter goes down for a nap. Listening to business and fashion podcasts while I stroll her through the neighborhood.

Toting her around to fabric stores, boutiques, and coffee shops as I balance phone calls, emails, and zooms with designers and manufacturers.

In a way, having her with me all the time makes me more efficient as a business owner because I don’t take one free second for granted. In addition to seizing my work opportunities via her nap times, I set “me time” schedules with my husband.

Which brings me to my next point…

Having outside support is key

Here’s a hard-hitting fact for you: The majority of people don’t start the business they want to because they don’t believe they can do it. It isn’t about lack of money or resources, but a lack of confidence.

My husband (aka VALT’s CFO), is financially backing my business to get it off the ground.

Maybe getting a business loan or working with investors or starting a kickstarter is the financial support you need. For me, not owing anyone anything allows me to have full creative control without the stress of money hanging over my head.

And I’m not only talking about financial support, here. If you are thinking of starting your own business, you NEED support from your family, circle of friends, and community cheering you on along the way.

Advice to other aspiring womenpreneurs, mompreneurs, etc.

Utilize any and every free resource at your disposal. I still can’t believe that podcasts are free to listen to. Once you find the right ones, they can be SO valuable in giving you the tools you need to get going.

Online articles are great, too, as are social media outlets like Instagram and Pinterest, if and only if you utilize social media as a business tool instead of getting caught in a comparison trap.

Finally…Don’t let fear of rejection or looking unintelligent hold you back. Making mistakes along the way is the only way you’ll learn.

Email people you admire in your industry, and ask them how they got started. You will be surprised at how quick some people are to guide you in the right direction or provide a referral.

Reality TV shows like Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Stylish with Jenna Lyons, and random fashion documentaries gave me so much inspiration on everything from design ideas to hiring the right talent to having the right attitude of starting a business, in addition to the other self-serviced education I received.

Above all else, believe in yourself.

It sounds so cliché, I know. But seriously, nothing will happen unless you believe in yourself enough to make it work. My granular tip for this is to get dressed every day. Meaning, something a few levels above pajamas and something that makes you proud to look in the mirror and excited to begin your day.

Thank you for reading!

Ashley is a Connecticut-based freelance writer specializing in mental health, wellness, and fashion. Her work has been featured in Forbes, POPSUGAR, Well + Good, Modern Mom Probs, and more.

Sign up for her cheeky mental health newsletter here.

What Launching a Clothing Business is Like as a Stay-At-Home Mom was originally published in Modern Women on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Every few months, I go on a social spree. Aka a week-long bender of restaurant outings, happy hours, and shopping with friends I don’t get to see often. We laugh, we catch up, and we remind ourselves of how lucky we are to have one another in our lives.

I credit these social sprees to be the precursor to my positive mental health for weeks to come, and I make damn sure to sprinkle in phone calls, texts, and snail mail in between our in-person interactions in order to keep the friendship alive and thriving.

The way I see it, friends are nature’s antidepressant. Just like you have to keep taking an actual drug in order for it to work, you have to keep seeing friends in order for the friendship to stay intact.

And don’t just take my word for it — there are a plethora of studies showing how and why friendship is good for your health, including:

• Less loneliness and social isolation
• Improved confidence and self-worth
• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Increased personal development
• A sense of belonging
• Support through life’s challenges

My social spree got me thinking….

We make a whole slew of excuses not to see our old friends or make new friends. And while reasons like having young kids at home are valid, it really comes down to the effort we’re willing to put into keeping our quality of lives in tip top shape — with strong female friendships at the core of holding the rest of our lives together.

Author Bonnie Marcus said it best in her “Hanging With Your Girlfriends Helps You Live Longer And Happier” piece:

“Spending time with your girlfriends is essential for us to maintain our emotional equilibrium and sanity, especially as we age and most definitely when dealing with stress.

Our friends grant us a safe zone in which we can be our authentic selves.”

That said…Here are some friendly reminders to keep up with your girlfriends. Our health, literally, depends on it.

1. Friends make the shitty things in life seem less shitty. Whether you’re going through a breakup or divorce, were just fired from your job, or are at a loss of how to discipline your maniac toddler, talking it out with friends makes whatever we are going through seem manageable and less serious.
2. Friends make you feel like you are not alone. If you find yourself trapped in a negative thought loop of something like: “I’m not smart enough, I don’t deserve to be happy, I’m not being a good mom, I hate my thighs,” firstly, understand you are not alone in those thoughts. We all have them. Secondly, having friends validate your feelings reminds you that you are not alone, no matter what psycho thing your mind is thinking.
3. Friends make you better. Period. Whether you’re starting a new hobby together (like volunteering or reading), or keeping each other accountable via your health and fitness goals, pursuing healthy & happy habits with your girlfriend is always a better experience — and is usually more effective than bettering yourself solo.

Thank you for reading.

If you’re looking for ways to make friends, this is a good read.

Ashley is a freelance writer based in Connecticut specializing in mental health, wellness, and fashion. She has been featured in Forbes, POPSUGAR, Well + Good, and more.

Like articles like this one? Sign up for her newsletter.

The Health Benefits of Female Friendship was originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.