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What Happened & Where I’m Head

Why I disappeared from Medium, what happened, and how I’m rebuilding with Substack and a new Medium account.

I Owe You an Explanation

I want to be completely honest with you all. The past few months have been difficult, and I know I’ve been absent. During the time I was sick, my Medium account was revoked. Medium had actually sent me an email regarding one of my posts about their payrolling system, but because of my illness, I never saw it in time. By the time I realized, it was already too late.

As much as I love writing, I also have bills to pay, and losing that account was a heavy blow. I reached out to Medium multiple times, but I never received a reply. For a while, I thought about starting my own personal blog, but the costs were more than I could handle. After long and hard thinking, I decided to take things slowly and begin again on Substack, where I can write freely and also earn enough to sustain myself.

I’ve also opened a new Medium account, so if you’d like to continue following me there, I’d be grateful to have you back.

Your support means everything to me. Whether you subscribe to my Substack, follow my new Medium account, every bit helps me keep writing and sharing my voice with you.

I also intend on using this account as a means of promoting my new Medium and substack account so you will get updated when I post

And if anyone want to promote their work, business, services or product I can also do that here just email me

Here the link to my new Medium account and my Substack account

Thank for reading

• WordswithAsuquo | Substack
• Asuquo kevin - Medium

An Apology From the Heart, What Happened & Where I’m Head was originally published in Activated Thinker on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

When the heart remembers old wounds, but the soul still hopes for new beginnings.

Choosing to open your heart when it still remembers what it felt like to shatter.

Love is supposed to be soft, isn’t it? It’s supposed to feel like safety, like warmth, like a home you can return to without fear. But when you’ve been hurt enough times, love doesn’t always feel like that anymore. It feels like a risk. It feels like standing on the edge of a cliff, knowing how beautiful the view is, but also knowing how far you could fall if it all goes wrong.

I’ll be honest with you: I am scared to love again.

I’ve been through too much to pretend otherwise. I’ve walked through the kind of heartbreak that makes you question your worth. I’ve been left in silence when all I wanted was an explanation. I’ve loved deeply only to realize my love was being played with, dismissed, or taken for granted. Those moments carve scars you don’t forget. They change the way you show up in love.

So now, when something real comes along when you come along my first instinct isn’t to run into it. It’s to pause. To protect myself. To wonder, what if it happens again?

It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this fear. You didn’t break me. But the truth is, my wounds don’t always know how to separate you from the people who did. Sometimes, I guard myself even when I don’t want to. Sometimes, I keep a piece of me hidden, even when I ache to give it.

And I know that’s not fair.

Because the truth is I want to love. I want to love you fully. I want to give without fear, to trust without hesitation, to open my heart and let it all pour out. I don’t want to hold back. I don’t want to live in fear of love.

But healing is a process. And loving again, after you’ve been hurt, isn’t something that just happens overnight. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes small steps toward believing that maybe this time, love won’t destroy me. Maybe this time, it will build me.

So if I hesitate, if I seem unsure, if I guard my heart too tightly please know it’s not rejection. It’s not that I don’t see you, or that I don’t want this. It’s just me fighting the battle inside between fear and hope.

Because the truth is, I do hope. I hope I can love you. I hope I can let my heart soften again. I hope I can rewrite the story that love left me with

I’m scared, yes.But I’m also trying.

And maybe, if love is patient enough, if you are gentle enough, if I am brave enough then this time, love might not just be something that breaks me. It might be something that finally heals me.

• WordswithAsuquo | Substack
• Asuquo kevin - Medium

Learning to Love After Being Broken was originally published in Activated Thinker on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

In a world full of noise, they bring you silence, safety, and ease.

Some people feel like home from the very first moment you meet them.

Sometimes you meet a person, and it’s not dramatic, it’s not fireworks, it’s not even loud. It’s quiet. It’s simple. And yet, it feels like something inside of you exhales for the first time in a long time.

You just click.

There’s no performance. No script. No need to shrink or stretch yourself to be accepted. You’re comfortable with them in a way that feels almost familiar, like your soul recognizes something before your mind does. It feels like you’ve known them your entire life, even though you may have just crossed paths.

And that comfort it’s rare. Because most of the time, we walk around the world guarded, questioning ourselves: Did I say the wrong thing? Did I sound stupid? Did I look okay? Are they judging me? But then, someone shows up, and all of that chatter in your head goes quiet. With them, you don’t have to ask those questions. You don’t have to think twice. You just exist, and existing is enough.

It’s the kind of connection that makes you feel like a child again when life was simpler, when laughter wasn’t forced, when joy wasn’t calculated.

Around them, you find yourself smiling without even realizing it. You find yourself laughing the way you used to before life got heavy. You find yourself safe in a way that feels almost unreal.

Safe not because the world suddenly changes, but because they change the way you experience it. They don’t demand anything extra from you. They don’t make you feel like you’re competing for their attention, or like you have to earn your place in their life. With them, you don’t have to audition. You don’t have to prove you’re worthy of staying. You can simply be.

And that kind of safety? That’s what we all crave, whether we admit it or not. It’s not about finding someone perfect, or someone who checks every box on a list. It’s about finding the person who feels like home. The one you don’t have to tiptoe around. The one who makes you believe that love, in its purest form, isn’t about performance or perfection it’s about presence.

Because sometimes, the rarest gift isn’t passion or excitement or even romance.

It’s peace.

And when you find peace in another person, hold onto it. Because in a world that constantly asks us to pretend, to overthink, to compete, to perform finding someone who makes you feel safe to just be yourself is nothing short of magic.

• WordswithAsuquo | Substack
• Asuquo kevin - Medium

The Rare Peace of Feeling Safe With Someone was originally published in Activated Thinker on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I had to learn that peace doesn’t come from their words it comes from my choice to let go.

Closure isn’t handed to you. Sometimes, you have to build it yourself from the pieces they left behind.

I never got the apology.

Not the “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Not the “You didn’t deserve that.”

Not even the smallest acknowledgment that I mattered, that the pain I carried was real.

All I got was silence.

And silence hurts in a way that words never can. Words can sting, but silence lingers. Silence doesn’t close a door — it leaves it cracked, just enough for you to keep peeking through, just enough for your heart to wonder if maybe something will shift, if maybe one day they’ll come back with the words you always deserved. But they don’t. And that waiting eats at you more than the truth ever could.

So I had to build my own closure.

Piece by piece.

Out of broken sentences, unanswered questions, and long nights where I replayed every moment searching for a reason that was never going to come.

I had to forgive someone who never asked to be forgiven. Do you know how hard that is? To carry the weight of someone else’s wrong and decide, for your own peace, that you have to set it down, even if they never offered to take responsibility? That kind of forgiveness doesn’t arrive overnight. It doesn’t crash in like a wave. It drips in slowly, moment by moment.

It comes the morning you wake up and realize you didn’t think about them first thing.

It comes the afternoon you see something that reminds you of them and feel sadness, but not the urge to reach out.

It comes the night you cry quietly, not because you’re waiting for them anymore, but because you’re letting go of the version of you that begged to be seen.

Forgiveness comes in fragments. It comes every single time you choose peace instead of chasing an explanation that won’t heal you. Because why is a dangerous question. Why will spin you in circles, keep you up at night, convince you there’s a puzzle to be solved — but the truth is, some people don’t give you answers because they never had them in the first place. Some people choose silence because silence costs them nothing, while your pain costs you everything.

And that’s when I realized something: closure isn’t something someone else hands you. It’s not in the words they never said. It’s not in the apology you never got. It’s in the moment you stop looking for their voice to heal the wound they created. Closure is born the day you decide their silence will no longer define your story.

No, I never got the apology. And maybe I never will. But what I did get was stronger. I got to meet the version of myself who doesn’t settle for half-answers or half-love. I got to learn that peace doesn’t always come from understanding someone else’s choices — sometimes peace comes from deciding you deserve better, even without the explanation.

It hurt like hell to accept that. It still does, some days. But I’d rather carry the ache of unspoken words than chain myself forever to someone who never saw my worth.

So no, I didn’t get “I’m sorry.”

But I got freedom.

And in the end, that’s the kind of closure that lasts.

• WordswithAsuquo | Substack
• Asuquo kevin - Medium

The Apology I Never Got was originally published in Activated Thinker on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Screenshot of my stats as of 8/18 ended

Not every month will bring a breakthrough, but every month can bring progress.

This month has been surprisingly good.

Better than last month. I can feel the shift, slow but steady, like the tide moving in. My stats are healthier than before, and while the earnings aren’t jaw-dropping, they’re quietly building up in a way that feels encouraging. No articles less than a dollar, others trickle in with $2, $4, even $6. But the real win is that a few of my pieces aren’t dying out after the usual 24 hours they’re still getting picked up days later. A few reads here, a few reads there, and suddenly it’s not so small anymore.

It’s progress. And progress is worth celebrating.

Of course, I see other writers pulling in $600+ in the same timeframe, and part of me feels that tug the quiet whisper of, “Why not you?” But instead of letting that discourage me, I’ve started using it as fuel. Because if it’s possible for them, it will one day be possible for me too. It’s not a question of if. Just when.

August has been kinder than July. July was kinder than June. That’s a pattern I can live with. At this rate, by December, I’ll have saved enough to buy myself a new laptop not just as a tool, but as a reminder that every view, every read, every dollar was earned word by word.

Views & Reads

This month so far, I’ve had 7.7K views.

Not bad. Not spectacular either. It’s the kind of number that feels like throwing a party where a hundred people show up, but half of them just glance around, nibble at the snacks, and slip out the back door. That’s the nature of it though headlines, timing, curiosity. Some people read, some people scroll right past. Out of those 7.7K views, 2.9K actually read something. Less than half. Still, that’s 2.9K real people who stopped long enough to give me their attention.

And to me, that’s not nothing.

Followers & Subscribers

On the brighter side, my following has grown. I’m now at 2,863 followers up by 536 this month.

That jump feels good, not just because of the number, but because engagement has grown alongside it. Real conversations are happening. People are coming back.

Email subscribers have climbed too now at 1,299, with 346 new people this month alone. The email follow notification feature is working better than I expected, though I do sometimes wonder if everyone who pressed follow knows they’ve signed up for emails. Either way, it’s growth. It’s connection. And that’s what keeps me writing.

Earnings

And here’s the part that really makes me pause: $51.84 so far this month. That may not sound like much to some people, but for me, it’s proof. Proof that the words I type into this space can create something tangible. Proof that consistency matters. And proof that improvement is possible.

I still hope Medium tweaks its system it feels strange how quickly articles stop being shown after the first couple of days. But what I’ve noticed is that the deeper people read, the better the payout per read seems to be. It’s not just about clicks; it’s about connection.

Because here’s the truth: when momentum slows, the fear of single-digit earnings is very real. And I won’t lie the day that happens, my farewell post might be short and bittersweet. But right now? I’m not at that day yet. Right now, I’m writing, you’re reading, and together we’re watching to see if September pulls off a small miracle.

Will I hit $100 this month?

Maybe, maybe not. But either way, I’m grateful.

Because every dollar, every new reader, every line I publish is a step forward. And steps forward no matter how small eventually carry you to the place you’ve been aiming for all along.

So I’ll keep showing up. Keep writing. Keep pressing publish, even when I don’t know what tomorrow’s stats will look like. And if you’ve been following this journey thank you. Truly.

How’s your week been? Your month? I’d love to hear. And if you haven’t yet, maybe check out a few of my other pieces. And don’t forget to clap it really does help.

Here’s to progress, even when it’s quiet. Here’s to writing, even when it feels like no one’s listening. And here’s to the hope that September will bring something unexpected.

Thanks for being here

Last Quote of the Day

• WordswithAsuquo | Substack
• Asuquo kevin - Medium

My Stats and Earnings 18 Days in August was originally published in Activated Thinker on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Admiration can blind you but how they make you feel will always tell the truth.

You can think they’re wonderful but if you feel lonely, anxious, or invisible, that’s the real relationship.

Your heart deserves more than someone who makes you question your worth.

You have to be able to separate how you feel about someone from how they actually make you feel. It sounds simple, but it’s not. Because when we care deeply for someone, our feelings about them often blur the truth of our experience with them.

I may feel that a person is incredible that they’re smart, funny, thoughtful, even beautiful in ways that words can’t capture. I may see their potential, the goodness that lives in them, the things that make me want to hold onto them. That’s how I feel about them. And those feelings are real. They matter.

But here’s the part that stings: despite all of that, they can still leave me feeling empty. They can still make me question myself. They can still leave me lying awake at night wondering why I’m not enough, why they don’t show up, why I feel unseen. That’s how they make me feel.

And the truth is, that’s the part that defines the relationship.

We often want to cling to the way we feel about someone because it gives us hope. It tells us that maybe if we just love harder, maybe if we’re patient enough, maybe if we give them one more chance, the way they make us feel will one day align with the way we feel about them. But that’s not how it works. Hope doesn’t erase hurt. Potential doesn’t erase patterns.

Because how someone makes you feel isn’t accidental. It’s their choices, their actions, their consistency, their effort or lack of it. You might see them as wonderful, but if being with them leaves you anxious, small, lonely, or unwanted, then that becomes your daily reality. And it doesn’t matter how much you wish it were different your reality is the truth you have to live with.

And here’s what I’ve learned: people don’t remember the lists of good traits we attach to someone. We remember how we felt in their presence. Did they make us feel valued? Or did they make us feel replaceable? Did we walk away with peace, or did we walk away heavy?

At the end of the day, you could write a book about all the things you love about someone their smile, their kindness, their intelligence but if every page ends with you crying yourself to sleep, then that’s the real story. That’s the relationship you’re in.

And it’s hard. It’s hard to accept that the person you think so highly of, the person you care so much about, might not be the person who makes your soul feel safe. It’s hard to admit that love isn’t always enough, that your feelings about them can’t heal the way they make you feel.

But maybe that’s where the growth happens. When you stop confusing admiration with connection. When you stop romanticizing their potential and start honoring your experience. When you realize that no matter how good you think they are, if they consistently leave you feeling like nothing, then your heart deserves better.

Because love isn’t just about who they are it’s about who you are when you’re with them. And if being with them dims your light, then that’s the truth you have to face, no matter how brightly you see theirs.

• WordswithAsuquo | Substack
• Asuquo kevin - Medium

The Hard Truth About Love : When Who They Are Doesn’t Match How They Make You Feel was originally published in Activated Thinker on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Because pride has ended more relationships than distance ever did.

Can I ask you something just a hypothetical, but one that might sit heavy on your chest for a moment?

How would you feel if you never saw them again?

Really think about that. Not in the casual, “oh, they’ll always be around” way we normally brush off those thoughts, but in the real, gut-wrenching sense of loss. If you woke up tomorrow and they were gone not just out of your life, but out of this world would you miss them? Would your heart ache at all the things left unsaid, all the calls not made, all the words you held back because of pride or ego?

Because here’s the truth nobody likes to face: tomorrow isn’t promised. We walk around like it is, acting as if we always have more time, more chances, more tomorrows to make things right. But one day, there won’t be a tomorrow. One day, the door might close for good and whatever you didn’t say will echo inside you forever.

So if the answer is yes if you’d miss them even a little then leave your ego at the door. Ego won’t hold you when you’re lonely. Ego won’t comfort you when you realize you waited too long. Ego is just a mask we hide behind, trying to look strong, trying not to look desperate. But love isn’t about looking strong. Love is about being honest, being soft enough to admit, I need you. I care about you. I don’t want to lose you.

Call them. Text them. Say the thing you’ve been putting off. Show them that they matter while they’re still here to feel it. Because there’s nothing worse than realizing you valued being “right” or “in control” more than you valued their presence in your life.

One day, your pride won’t matter. One day, the only thing that will remain is the question: did I love them well enough while I had the chance?

So I’ll ask you again: if you’d miss them, even for a moment, why wait?

Because tomorrow… tomorrow might be too late

• WordswithAsuquo | Substack
• Asuquo kevin - Medium

People mistake kindness for weakness, but it’s who I am

Even when it hurts, I’ll always love with everything in me.

I think my biggest problem is that I care too much.

I’ve tried to change that about myself at times, tried to act like I’m nonchalant, tried to play it cool but the truth is, I’m just not built that way. I can’t pretend not to care. Whatever you do, it affects me. If you don’t respond to my text, if you leave my call unanswered, if you go quiet without explanation… I notice. And not only do I notice I feel it.

My mind starts to wander. My heart starts to ache a little. I catch myself wondering: What if they’ve found someone else? What if I don’t matter anymore? What if they’ve decided I’m not worth their time or attention? These thoughts don’t just disappear. They sit with me. Because that’s the kind of person I am I don’t detach easily, I don’t love halfway.

See, I’ve never been the type to make people feel like they’re a nobody in my life. If I care about you, you’ll know it. If you’re in my life, I’ll make sure you feel like you belong there. I’ll never make you feel like you’re unwanted, or like your presence doesn’t matter. That’s just not who I am.

But sometimes, it feels like in this generation, it’s become “normal” even “cool” to act like you don’t care. To play games with feelings. To withhold love and affection as if it’s some kind of power move. To treat people like they’re replaceable, even if deep down you know they’re not.

And I’ll be honest, that’s something I’ll never understand. Because I can’t do it. I can’t play with emotions, I can’t fake disinterest, I can’t act like you don’t matter to me when you do.

When I love, I don’t just love with my heart. I don’t just love with my mind. I love with my soul. And that’s different.

Because one day, my heart will stop beating. One day, my body will no longer be here. But my soul the part of me that loves endlessly that will always remain. That’s why I pour into people with everything I have. That’s why when I love, I love deeply. Not because it’s easy, not because it’s safe, but because that’s who I am.

But here’s the painful truth: when you’re someone who loves like that, when you’re someone who shows up wholeheartedly, people often take advantage. They see your kindness as a weakness. They see your heart as something to toy with. They test your boundaries because they assume you’ll always forgive, always stay, always give more than you receive.

And the sad part? Sometimes they’re right. Sometimes we do stay longer than we should. Sometimes we do give more than we get. Because loving deeply makes you hope that maybe one day it’ll be reciprocated. Maybe one day they’ll see your worth. Maybe one day the way you love will finally be returned.

But more often than not, it isn’t. And that hurts.

Still, no matter how many times I’ve been hurt, I can’t bring myself to change who I am. I can’t bring myself to treat people like they don’t matter. Even when I’m the one bleeding, even when I’m the one carrying disappointment, I still can’t shut off my soul.

Because that’s who I am. I am someone who cares too much. I am someone who feels deeply. I am someone who will love you with everything I have, even when the world teaches me not to.

And maybe one day that will be the very thing that breaks me. But I also know it will be the very thing that makes me real.

WordswithAsuquo | Substack

When Loving Deeply Feels Like a Weakness was originally published in Activated Thinker on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

No viral hacks. No secret blueprint. Just showing up and writing what felt real.

Seven months.

That’s how long it took for me to finally get paid for writing on Medium.

I joined the Partner Program in February, starting with almost nothing — a tiny follower count, no grand strategy, and absolutely zero expectations. I didn’t come in with a “viral” blueprint or a curated posting schedule. I came in with a head full of ideas I genuinely wanted to share and a willingness to see what would happen if I just kept showing up.

And guess what?

I actually earned more than I thought I would.

Not thousands. Not even hundreds. But definitely more than the “maybe a couple of bucks” I imagined.

How It Really Started

If I’m being completely honest, I didn’t start writing because of some lifelong dream or deep-rooted passion. I started because I wanted to make money.

That was my fuel at first. But something changed. Over time, the act of writing stopped feeling like a transaction and started feeling like freedom. I found myself enjoying it more than I expected enjoying the process of putting thoughts into words, enjoying the quiet moments of creating something from nothing.

By May, I decided to give Medium a real shot no half-hearted attempts, no “post when I feel like it” mindset. Just a simple plan:

• Write about things I genuinely think people will care about.
• Keep it real. No fake promises. No “make $5K in 2 days” nonsense.
• Stay consistent, even if no one is reading.

And that’s what I did. I wrote pieces I would have bookmarked myself things like:

• Stop chasing people who are fine living without you.
• For the Ones Who Smile Through the Pain
• The Version of You I Waited For Showed Up But Not For Me

The Article That Surprised Me

One of my pieces unexpectedly did well.

It didn’t go “viral” in the loud, Internet-breaking sense. But it found its audience quietly, consistently.

Here’s what the numbers looked like:

Title: What I did to get more reads and email subscribers

Views: 778

Reads: 559

Claps: 3,742

Earnings (as of Aug 14): $16.39

No outside promotion. No paid ads. Just Medium’s own mysterious algorithm doing its thing.

That taught me something important: even if your post doesn’t blow up with thousands of claps or comments, it can still land in front of the right people the ones who actually read it, maybe more than once.

What Seven Months Taught Me

I’m not here to pretend I have the “secret” to success on Medium I’m still figuring it out myself. But I’ve noticed a few things:

• Being real is underrated. I wrote the way I talk, and I think people felt that.
• You never know which post will take off. Some of the ones I put the least thought into ended up doing the best.
• Loyal readers are gold. Even with a small following (2.7K by July), some people stuck around. They read deeply, came back for more.
• Depth matters. It feels like Medium notices when people spend real time on your work.

My Earnings So Far

Here’s the running total:

• Total earnings: $0.26(February) + $1.41(March) + $3.06(April) + $2.93(May) + $27.27(June) + $70.71 (July ) + $35.20(14 days of August ) =$140.84
• Followerfs: 2.7K
• Email subscribers: 1.2K

That’s $140.84 in total. Not life-changing money. But it’s proof that showing up works.

Why I’m Staying

Seven months reminded me of this simple truth:

You don’t need to be everywhere. You don’t need to “go viral.” You don’t need 100K followers. You just need to keep showing up with something real to say, in your own voice.

I’m still learning, still experimenting, still figuring out what works. But I’m enjoying the process and that’s what’s making me stay.

If you’re just starting out, I’ll tell you what I wish someone told me:

Don’t chase applause. Don’t wait for perfect timing. Just keep writing. Keep sharing. Keep putting your voice out there.

Because you never know who’s reading quietly.

And sometimes, that’s where the magic is.

• WordswithAsuquo | Substack
• Asuquo kevin - Medium

7 Months : From Zero Expectations to $105 My First Paycheck was originally published in Activated Thinker on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.