What would you do with an extra $10k this year? Pay off debt? Save for a house? Take that vacation? Give more generously?

It’s more possible than you think. And it’s the beginning of the year, so we are all already compiling our budgets (or at least we should be).

There’s only two ways to have more money: 1) make more money or 2) spend less money. The first is less predictable, but the second is entirely in our control.

The second pathway is what we will focus on here. I’m no financial guru but have been learning and experimenting with different ways to cut unnecessary spending. These are strategies I have personally leveraged in the last several years with good results.

The numbers and examples I use are actually based on fairly conservative estimates…which means you could save even much more!

1. Drink water only — $1,643 saved

It’s no secret that restaurants make a ton of money on the drink you order with your meal. The margins on that large sweet tea are incredibly high. If you had “just a cup of water” with every meal (even when you cook for yourself), you’d save a ton of money — and be a lot healthier on top of that.

Math
365 days x 3 meals per day = 1,095 meals each year
1,095 meals x $1.50 conservative average drink cost = $1,643 saved

2. Cut the cable! — $420 saved

We haven’t had cable TV in a while…and haven’t missed it. Instead we made a one-time $25 purchase for a digital antenna to pick up a clear signal on the basic channels in the area. We can stream the occasional show we really want to see as needed that doesn’t air on the the basic stations. A quick look at some of the cheapest cable TV plans in my area start at $35/month (which we all know almost double after that first year). So this cost-savings number is incredibly conservative. Realistically, it’s probably closer to $1,000.

Math
$35 monthly cable charge x 12 months = $420 saved

3. Buy everything with a cash-back card — $585 saved

Credit cards can get a bad rap. They’re only dangerous when you don’t pay them back in time. But if you’re confident they won’t tempt you to overspend and you’ll pay them off each month, they are a very good financial tool to use. Merchants already plan on eating a 3% credit card fee with each purchase so prices compensate for that whether you plan on using a credit card or not — so it’s in your best interest to use one.

There are a lot of good cash-back card options out there (here’s a list). Most give you between 1% to 3% cash back on everything you buy. We chose the Amazon prime card. As prime users we get a whopping 5% cash back on Amazon purchases and are trying to buy even basic household goods from them to maximize savings.

Math
$10,000 ($833/month) for food and gas x 2% cash back = $200 saved
$21,000 ($1,750/month) for everything else (except rent/mortgage since you usually can’t pay that by credit card) x 1% cash back = $210 saved
$3,500 on Amazon x 5% cash back = $175 saved

4. Use promo codes and discounted gift cards — $300 saved

People are shopping more online than ever before. With retailers competing to win your business, promotions are constantly floating around. I won’t checkout online before looking for an active discount. I use a browser extension called Honey that automatically tests every active promotion and applies the greatest discount available. It’s free, too. Seriously, it’s amazing — download it. It’ll save you money.

There is also an aftermarket for unused gift cards. People are constantly getting gift cards they don’t want and online marketplaces like Giftcard Zen resell them at a discount. I recently had to purchase a suit at Macy’s so I first bought at $200 gift card for $185 ($15 saved) to use. It has been a useful “hack”.

Math
$2,000 online purchases x 10% average promo code savings = $200
$2,000 purchases using 5% discounted gift cards = $100

5. Switch to a healthcare sharing plan — $8,556 saved

If your employer provides healthcare, this may not apply to you. But if you’re responsible for your own healthcare, this is a huge area for potential savings.

A very basic healthcare plan to cover a small family like mine would cost $1,130/month. I have been very happy with using a healthcare sharing plan (Medi-share specifically) as an alternative which costs around $170/month. Essentially, it protects you against expensive emergencies and you pay cash for your basic healthcare needs like check-ups, dental cleanings, prescriptions, care for the occasional flu, etc. If you need a big surgery costing more than $5k-$10k (the threshold depends the plan you go with), you’ll be covered.

Math
$13,560 for a year ($1,130/month) of traditional health insurance
$2,004 for a year ($167/month) of healthcare sharing covering + $3,000 of out-of-pocket healthcare costs = $5,004
$13,560 traditional healthcare - $5,004 healthcare costs on sharing program = $8,556 saved

Grand total: $11,504 extra cash in your pocket

One last tip

Hope you enjoyed the tips! Another tactic I will be testing this year — but is currently too hard to quantify and include in this post — is a family rule stating we aren’t allowed to purchase anything that’s not gas or groceries during the week. Those jeans I want? Have to wait for the weekend. That deal on makeup she’s looking at? Has to wait for the weekend. My theory is that being forced to wait a few days will keep us from making impulse buys and reduce our overall spending by 5% for the year (I hope).

I’d love to hear if you have any cost-saving tips you’ve used that work well. Comment and let me know!

Ben

With the endless Hurricane Harvey problems we could (and really should) be focused on, many have decided to instead channel their energy from helpful endeavors to hating on Joel Osteen and Lakewood Church — because that clearly doesn’t happen enough; not even in the middle of Houston’s greatest crisis.

Every tragedy needs a villain and somehow the man that never stops telling people to hold on to hope in tough times is just that.

People across the spectrum are outraged that Lakewood’s building isn’t already housing displaced families.

Just look…

Harold Itzkowitz on Twitter

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a flood victim to enter into Joel Osteen's church.

Mike Cernovich 🇺🇸 on Twitter

LOL at people just finding out Joel Osteen is a fraud. https://t.co/3UrNVNElj0

Matt Walsh on Twitter

Osteen isn't able to house people in his church but he could fit a few hundred families in this obscene castle he bought to honor himself

On that last one…I won’t get tangled in the tangent of debating ‘how wealthy is too wealthy’ for ministers to be, but I will say — even apart from the Osteen instance — I pity the pastor whose congregation desires to see him broke and financially struggling while they get to save for retirement and avoid having to buy everything used. After all, selling stocks or developing property or whatever you get paid doing should definitely be more generously rewarded than the work of saving souls and walking people through their darkest trials, right??? I digress…

Let’s ignore the fact that Lakewood’s parking garages are underground and flooded. Let’s ignore the fact that the facility has permanent seats throughout the entire sanctuary making it nearly impossible to put up bedding in that largest area of the building. Let’s ignore the fact that many of Lakewood’s own staff are themselves displaced and stranded. Let’s ignore the fact that current shelters are not yet at capacity and there is no great demand for additional space in that area (Houston’s massive convention-center-turned-shelter isn’t far from Lakewood’s property). Let’s ignore the fact that we have no idea what kind of plans are being discussed behind the scenes or what non-public action is already taking place.

Instead, let’s focus on the fact that one Houston church hasn’t publicly pledged within the first 48-hours that their congregation made up of the same Harvey flood victims will immediately meet every need in the city.

Many of these complaining Houstonians (and elsewhere) angry that Joel didn’t meet their official Biblically-approved-crisis-response-deadline have not personally been impacted by the flood. With homes perfectly suitable to house those in need of shelter, doors are locked. If you’re going to denounce Lakewood’s to-be-determined building-availability-status at least do it with a poor and needy stranger sleeping in your bed so you can avoid hypocrisy. As you say, “That’s what Jesus would do!”

Hypocrisy is no stranger to the average Osteen hater. Not all, but most:

• Accuse Joel of heresy but have never personally listened to an entire message of his and instead make judgments based on a few, selectively-chosen YouTube soundbites meant to demonize him.
  (I could easily find a 30-second snippet of words leaving your mouth that misrepresent what you actually believe if a mic was in your face at all times held by predators hoping you have a mishap.)
• Blast Joel for not preaching the true Gospel, but have never once preached the Gospel to anyone else and have led zero people to Jesus.
  (I personally know several people that are transformed, born-again followers of Christ because of Joel’s ministry. And, no, you don’t get to dismiss their testimony just because it doesn’t fit your bias.)
• Slander Joel for selling a book based on Biblical principles that encourages people to live their best life instead of writing strict theology books. At the same time, they buy books from their favorite Christian leaders on a wide variety of topics like culture, leadership, careers, and everything else unrelated to systematic theology.
  (As an aside: Joel hasn’t taken a dime from the church in over a decade. These books make up the bulk of his income and they’re not required reading in any form at Lakewood.”)
• Complain that Joel focuses too narrowly only on certain aspects of Christianity while, themselves, narrowly focusing on certain areas of Christianity that wrongly skew the breadth of the Biblical perspective in the opposite direction.
  (I believe in preaching the whole counsel of God’s Word. Contrary to the accusations of many that have been misinformed, Joel consistently speaks about trials and hardship being unavoidable for believers.)
• Gossip about all the things they dislike about him, but have never uttered a single prayer for him.
  (If you are one that believes he is hell-bound for his “false teachings”, why haven’t you pleaded with God to save him and bring him to truth?)

I get it, Joel pastors the largest single-congregation church in America which literally makes him the biggest target. Though it’s interesting how quickly believers find themselves huddled in the same corner with those that hate Christianity and all it represents whenever they start picking out the perfect stone to throw at a face that does nothing but smile and offer hope to hurting people.

Let me issue this clear warning: before you publicly denounce someone as being a false prophet, you had better do thorough research, investigate the fruit of their ministry, pray diligently, and be willing to give an account of your proclamation to God himself. Because, if you’re wrong, at best you’re bringing division to the Body and at worst you are an enemy to the work of the Holy Spirit drawing people to Jesus through a man’s obedience — like satan. Caution, friends.

A few people you look up to jabbing at Joel doesn’t justify it. I urge you to reconsider your position. Maybe you haven’t given it much thought until now. Maybe I’m offering a new perspective. Maybe it’s time to soften your stance a bit and ask God if you’re looking at it with His eyes. Guess who will be first to forgive you? Joel.

I am closely connected with some that have been behind closed doors with Joel and observed his private life for years. I have heard first-hand the behind-the-scenes stories. Sorry to disappoint, but there is no juicy gossip to pass along. The witnesses all share the same experience: Joel is the same person in private as on stage, he practices what he preaches, he never speaks negatively of anyone, he is generous beyond belief, he loves people, he is pure-hearted, and he loves God more than anything else.

Is Joel perfect? No. Is he closer than you? Probably.

Will he rebuild every flood-damage home and feed every hungry child? No. Will he do way more than you? Definitely.

Lakewood Church on Twitter

Coordinating with the city, Lakewood is a collection site for distributing supplies to the Houston area shelters. https://t.co/XxIbYde0L6

Charles Clymer🏳️‍🌈 on Twitter

Lakewood Church apparently bought countless air mattresses and are prepping to open their doors. Took a while but good news. #JoelOsteen

In this devastating time for the city of Houston, Joel’s message of hope will have an even bigger impact than his means of help.

His unwavering belief that you can have hope regardless of your circumstances if you depend on God is the best Gospel-truth anyone can offer in this moment.

I’m believing his Jesus-like love for people and refusal to engage with toxic negativity will eventually soften his haters’ hearts. They could learn a lot from his example and are the ones that need his message the most.

Ben

The tools that run my life.

Blah blah blah…these things will make you more productive…blah blah blah…let’s just get into it.

These tools help me and they will help you. Just trust me. I use everything on this list almost everyday.

Calendly (Scheduling)

All the back-and-forth trying to schedule meetings is a waste of time. Just shoot someone your Calendly link and they can pick from available times on your calendar in during times you designated.

Zoom (Video meetings)

The audio and video is much better and more reliable than Google Hangouts. You can also share screens and record the video meeting for future reference. Ditch Skype and get this.

Trello (Task manager)

This tool is so flexible. You can manage any to-do list or project with it any way you like. I love that I can forward emails directly to my to-list so I never forget/miss anything and don’t have to let unread emails clutter my inbox. It has an app, too.

Streak (Gmail add-on)

Don’t know how I would live without this. I basically use it for three features: 1) see when, where, and how many times someone opens an email I sent, 2) write emails now and schedule them to be sent later, and 3) save emails as a templates that can be used later in a new email without re-typing it or having to go copy/paste a previous one.

Squarespace (Websites)

It’s just way too easy to build, edit, and manage a website with Squarespace. You would have to make a really good case to use anything else. For $12/month, the platform is crazy value.

Zapier (Automation)

Zapier connects to almost every tool you use regularly so that they can “talk” to each other to automate tasks. If you find yourself manually doing any repetitive task, see if Zapier could automate it for you. For instance, you can have Zapier automatically add someone to your email list if they set a meeting with you. It has thousands of different “zaps”.

You may have heard of a few of these before, but hopefully you picked up one or two new ones. I’m a tinkerer and like to try every new tool that comes out, but these are the ones that continue to win out. They just work.

Enjoy.

Ben

Several months ago I was in a situation where I felt I was treated poorly. I felt used and taken advantage of — under-appreciated, un-invited, and ignored. I deserved better.

In that very moment, I sensed offense begin to slowly creep into my heart where it longs to live.

If I was clearly wronged, than being offended was entirely my right…right? Wrong.

Though I had every right to be offended, it’s always wrong to be offended.

You could find a reason every day to be offended by someone or something. The opportunities are unavoidable and endless. It come with living.

But, you know what I’ve decided? I will never be offended again for the rest of my life.

At least that’s the goal. Though it sounds impossible, I learned I must pursue it if I every want to live truly FREE.

Living life unoffended is living life free because it takes the power to hurt you away from everyone around you. Whenever you take offense, you are the victim and others can wound you at will.

If someone has the power to exercise control over you in that way, you are their slave and they can destroy you if they choose to.

When you’re unoffendable, you’re indestructible.

I want to share three phrases I repeat to myself that help fight off offense when I sense it.

1. “Nobody owes me anything. Everything I get is an undeserved blessing.”

The vast majority of all offenses happen in situations where the other person never meant to offend you. Most of the time this kind of offense occurs when someone doesn’t treat you the way you think you deserve to be treated. Or doesn’t do something you think they should have done.

It’s not a response to something that happened, but a reaction to something that didn’t.

When you get offended in this way — when someone didn’t mean to offend you — you are the only one at fault for two reasons: 1) the situation is revealing your pride and 2) you’re accusing an innocent party of guilt.

Pride says you deserve special treatment. Pride informs you what others ought to do for you without ever giving them the memo.

As these thoughts invade your mind, instead of taking offense, take them as an opportunity to address your pride. And take them very seriously. They are exposing hints of life’s most destructive force.

To keep yourself from offense, tell yourself, “Nobody owes me anything. Everything I get is an undeserved blessing.”

2. “They didn’t mean it.”

A revolutionary legal concept in America is the idea that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. So it should be in our relationships.

One of the greatest gifts you can give in any relationship is…the benefit of the doubt. Assume people have good intentions instead of assuming they had bad motives.

The hypersensitive mentality that people are constantly trying to exclude, belittle, ignore, or hurt you is the one of the most debilitated mindsets you could possibly carry. You are choosing to play a role of victim that nobody assigned to you.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. Here’s a bold statement: if you don’t give people the benefit of the doubt, you don’t truly love them. Love believes the best of people!

People deserve to be granted that grace, because you desperately need the same from everyone else.

Just keep telling yourself, “They didn’t mean it.”

3. “I refuse to be offended because I’ve already forgiven them.”

Sometimes people do mean to offend you and are trying to hurt you. This is pretty easy to spot when it happens. Again, that means most of the time people don’t mean offense — you really have to believe that, okay!

But, when they do mean it, what do you do?

If you’re like most and determine that you don’t have a choice in the matter, than you’ve already made your choice.

You do have a choice. You decide if you will receive offense. Offense can’t force it’s way onto you unless you accept it. You are not subject to its will. It’s an attack launched at you, not a blow delivered to you.

Every time you accept offense you give power to the offender. They claim the victory and know their diabolic scheme was successful. They win.

This is the more challenging offense to combat, but it’s a fight worth taking up.

I look to the example of Jesus. Whenever someone was attempting to wound him, disrespect him, or destroy him, his attitude was always the same, “Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing.”

The moment the offense came is the same moment he refused it. He kept his heart free from offense. He gave no man power over him in any way. They brought his body to death in an attempt to get what they really wanted: control over him.

But even in death they could not claim the victory they sought. To the grave He would not accept their offense. In this, He proved they had no power over him in any way.

Tell yourself, “I refuse to be offended because I’ve already forgiven them.”

If I refuse the power of offense to my friends and family, my enemies certainly can’t have it.

So what’s the point?

If others don’t mean to offend you, don’t take offense. If others mean to offend you, don’t take offense. Just don’t take offense.

Not taking offense doesn’t mean you allow people to mistreat or take advantage of you. It just means you reject offense and fight for your freedom in the midst of every situation.

Live free. I’m trying to.

Ben

Schools are about to let out and I just can’t stop coming up with ideas that “I would totally do if I was still a college student with a free summer”.

Let’s face it, flipping burgers all day, dealing with sassy retail customers, or mowing lawns in the summer heat for minimum wage is not anyone’s idea of an awesome summer. And you won’t get rich in the three months you have off doing any of those either. Why not try something that will really pay off if you hustle and will also be a better business education than that overrated degree you’re going $100k in debt for…

So if you are a high schooler, college student, or just someone looking to pick up some extra cash with a side-hustle, here are some ideas:

1. Lyft Driving

This one may not work for those of you under 21, but Lyft is a great gig. You can work as much or as little as you want and do it all on your own schedule. Lyft is similar to Uber, but I’m suggesting Lyft because the app lets passengers give you an extra tip right within the app (Uber doesn’t) and there are fewer Lyft drivers which means less competition for you. There are times where you can make up to $35/hour.

Don’t have your own car or have a clunker? Not a problem. Lyft even has a program where you can use a rental car while you work. You can become a driver here.

2. Flatscreen Flipping

A friend of mine told me about a guy he knew in college that would buy flatscreen TVs off Craigslist and resell them in his spare time. TVs lined every free wall of his place. He made $10,000 a month doing it.

It doesn’t have to be flatscreen TVs exclusively (though sticking to a specific product helps you focus and become a niche product expert), you can make some quick cash by reselling any high-priced electronic product. See how much the product is selling for on eBay, then scour your local Craigslist listings. Buy anything that’s listed below market price or that you can negotiate below market price. Easy. So many people selling on Craigslist are just trying to get a little cash for that Christmas gift they never used and are willing to sell at a steal.

3. Something-Expensive-That-People-Only-Use-Occasionally Rental

People hate spending loads of money for something they only use on occasion. Pick an item that fits that criteria and — BOOM! — you’re in business. Let me give you an example. Moms will be throwing outdoor summer parties for their kids and one of the things they’ll want is a bounce house. Purchase your-city’s-name-bouncehouse-rental.com url, create a free site with Wix, buy a bouncehouse from Amazon (some are as cheap as $200), put business cards in every windshield at nearby pools and toy stores and you’ll be up and running in no time. If you rent out the bouncehouse for $50/hour, you can make the money you invested back in one day. Everything after that is pure profit.

4. Small Business Social Media Marketing

Every (and I mean EVERY) small business owner knows they need to get in the social media marketing game, but are too busy or just flat out don’t know how…and most of the time it’s both. This is an area where your youth actually works to your advantage. Small business owners know that you understand that digital world better than they do and it instantly gives you credibility.

Spend a few hours to complete a free online class and become a certified Facebook ad marketing expert. These classes are given by Facebook itself which will be impressive. Flaunt your new credentials to all the nearby small businesses. Start where you are already known as a loyal patron and have a relationship like your barber, oil change shop, burger joint, or dry cleaner.

Sell them a “summer sales rush” package and charge them $500/month. Spend $200 on Facebook ads and keep $300. $200 is a fortune when it comes to Facebook ads. I promise, they will be thrilled with the results and it’s something you could even continue to do remotely when you’re back at school.

5. Water, Sunscreen & Glowsticks At Outdoor Events

With the kids and sun out for summer, people will be attending all kinds of outdoor events. Large crowds of people in blistering heat is a recipe for making lots of money. When people get uncomfortable, they will literally pay anything to avoid it. In desperation, they will buy stuff for way more than they would otherwise. Ever paid $8 for a fountain drink at a theme park before? Exactly my point. It’s not ripping people off because they have a choice not to buy it. The fair market price of anything is what someone is willing to pay for it.

Load up a cooler full of water bottles and fill boxes with sunscreen, glow sticks, and anything else you think people would have bought if they had more time to think ahead. Mark everything up 5-10 more than what it cost you. Here are example product prices: $2 per bottle of water, $4 per sunscreen pack, and $1 per glow bracelet. Those are huge profit margins! Then go to soccer fields and popular parks on weekends and attend every event you find happening outdoors in the city — especially every Fourth of July celebration. You can make hundreds of dollars in a day.

Don’t Like These Ideas? Not An Excuse.

These are the easy-money ideas that quickly came to mind. If I spent another 30 minutes, I could come up with five to ten more good ideas. The point isn’t how good my ideas are. The point is that it’s easier than ever to start a profitable business venture where you can be your own boss, set your own hours, and make more money than you could at a typical hourly-wage job. And you can do all while being a young, broke student. At the end of the summer you’ll be just a little less young, but a lot less broke.

Ben

bendebayle.com

I’ve gotten to know a lot of Christians from almost every different denominational and cultural background. Some are still stuck in spiritual infancy and others are progressing into maturity.

But there are a few that seem to be on an entirely different level. You know the believers I’m talking about. Many of these spiritual giants do not have a leadership position or a microphone in their hand, but you always feel closer God whenever they’re around.

These deeply spiritual Christians seem to always be on a spiritual high and never in a spiritual rut. They are steady and sure. It’s like they directly hear from God whenever they speak. No one questions they’re love for God— it’s genuine, feels easy, and has zero tinge of dry religion. They’re full of faith, humble, and holy.

I’ve often wondered what made the difference. Are they just uniquely graced with this deep spirituality?

When I consider it more, I can quickly disqualify reasons that aren’t primary factors. Here are some things that you would likely think matter most, but actually don’t make much of a difference in my experience: denominational affiliation, age, and theological training.

If not those factors, than what are some consistent commonalities?

There are three secrets that I have observed. And the good news is that they aren’t “secrets” at all. In fact, each is simple, practical, and entirely in your control.

Be encouraged, you can be a deeply spiritual person. And you should be!

Here‘s what the deeply spiritual do:

1. Consistent Bible Reading

This connects you to God’s personhood. Through reading, we learn what God’s character is like, what His plan is, and what His standards are. You would be shocked at how few Christians have ever read through the entire Bible even after years of following Jesus. But you’ll quickly recognize the correlating pattern between how carnal someone is with how little they read the Word. Conversely, you’ll also notice how spiritual someone is with how much they read the Word.

You must consistently read the Bible to be deeply spiritual. Tip: commit to a daily Bible reading plan so you don’t have to think about when and what you’ll read and instead just read.

2. Constant Prayer

This connects you to God’s priorities. Prayer let’s us hear what’s on God’s heart today, is where we exchange our will for His, and how we remain Spirit-led. Without constant prayer there is no connection, no repentance, no power to overcome, and no telling how we will respond to things.

The deeply spiritual don’t view prayer as an event, but a never-ending conversation. It’s the difference between having a business meeting over lunch versus texting your spouse throughout the day. One begins and ends. The other happens in spurts here and there, but never stops.

You must constantly pray to be deeply spiritual. Tip: write down a prayer list so you don’t have to struggle with what you’ll pray about and instead just pray.

3. Continual Worship

This connects you to God’s presence. Worship focuses our attention on the things above, reminds our heats of God’s power, and is the source of strength-giving joy. Continuing in worship is continuing in His presence.

It’s so easy to pull and away and depart from worship right after a weekend service. Most believers never learn how to privately worship apart from a corporate gathering. The deeply spiritual convert their homes and cars into sanctuaries where they can experience the presence of God at any time — in traffic, during morning coffee, while working out, or whenever.

You must continually worship to be deeply spiritual. Tip: make a playlist of your favorite worship songs so you don’t have to worry whether you’ll like what the radio plays and instead just worship.

That’s it. Sorry to disappoint. Nothing revolutionary here. Just the same old boring stuff that all Christians have heard a thousand times and know they should be doing anyway.

Everyone’s looking for a shortcut to transport to Jesus-like spiritual maturity with no effort at all. How can these duh! basics be the key? Because a deeply spiritual person is someone that acts a whole lot less like themselves and a whole lot more like God. That can only happen through Bible reading, prayer, and worship.

There are no shortcuts, cheat codes, or secret formulas to spiritual maturity.

All you have to do is those three things and I promise that you will become a deeply spiritual person. You won’t even be able to help it and you don’t have to do anything else. In fact, nothing else will do. There are no substitutes.

I don’t mean to make it sound easy. Though the most basic Christian concepts to understand, they’re simultaneously the hardest to do. They require work and discipline.

The deeply spiritual don’t always desire to do those three things, they just always decide to do those three things.

You can decide to do them too.

Ben

bendebayle.com

I was recently listening to a podcast where the topic being discussed was how to best build relationships with business and social influencers. Getting the attention of and the benefit from being known by these renowned figures is an attractive proposition. Who wouldn’t want to have favor with a person of great power and resources?

While listening to the strategy presented in the podcast, I reflected on how others have often commented on the opportunities I’ve had to connect with many in influential positions.

To clarify, I’m not buddies with A-list celebs or billionaire businessman. But I have been blessed with opportunities to befriend a few recognizable leaders. I don’t usually think much of it, other than to be thankful for God’s favor.

It made me question if there was anything helpful I’ve learned about what it takes to stand in the room with these men and women. I too often see many pursue relationship with high-profile icons in all the wrong ways.

A few thoughts came to mind. Here they are:

1. Honor, don’t Idol

I’m sure you’ve heard that nobody likes a suck-up. Well, that’s not true. The people that don’t like a suck-up are the people watching a suck-up do what a suck-up does.

To those unwilling to pander, being a suck-up is deplorable, but to the shameless it can be an effective strategy for getting an influencer’s time and attention. The problem is, as effective as the strategy can initially be it is ultimately a failing one.

If you ever find yourself in the room with an influencer because you idolized them with your words and actions, rest assured that when you try to maneuver your role from suck-up to peer you will be quickly ousted.

The moment you idolize someone they will demand your constant worship. And you’ll be the only one to blame for belittling yourself to the role of wailing fangirl. First impressions are lasting and near immovable ones.

Alternatively, if you approach an influencer as a peer and begin to project as though you’re of like status, they will quickly call your bluff. Forcefully trying to assert yourself as an equal and jockeying for position is dishonest and the door will quickly close.

Why? Not because highly esteemed people have big egos (rarely the case here), but because your overly-familiar tone will feel like an attempt to pull them down to your level instead of elevating yourself to their level of influence.

Just like a video game, you don’t have access to a level you’ve never been to before.

The balanced key is to simply honor.

How is it different? First, it’s not idolizing because it recognizes the person is just another fallible human like you. That alone will keep your engagement from feeling desperate and needy.

It’s also not being too casual and projecting as if you’re entitled to their time because honor recognizes the person’s unique accomplishments and value. That will keep your interaction from feeling disingenuous and disrespectful. Honor is rightfully holding the person with high regard whenever you interact with them.

That is honor and honor opens doors.

2. Connect, don’t Cling

Stage 5 clinger. We used this term in college whenever single friends would go on one, casual coffee-date with a girl and then soon after get barraged by texts —I mean like all-day-every-day barraged.

So scared they might lose the relationship, these girls (and guys do it, too) would unintentionally beat the budding friendship to death.

Don’t cling.

An already-swamped influencer will avoid feeling suffocated at all costs. If you’re always over-zealously texting, inviting, emailing, and creeping them, you’ll be the first to get blacklisted. The closer you try to get, the further you will drive them away.

Yes, it’s important to stay on their radar. You do want them to think of you if something comes up that would be perfect to involve you with.

The solution?

Connect with them. Instead of viewing face-time with them as an opportunity to parade how wonderfully capable you are, ask questions and find a meaningful way to connect on something important to them. Just because you might closely follow what they do, don’t assume you know who they are.

One real connection is stronger than a thousand flaky, self-serving pitches. After that, just keep the line of communication open and mutual. And if you have a good reason to reach out, do it. Seize opportunities to connect on things that align with their priorities (and yours).

You probably will be the one reaching out most of the time and that’s okay as long as the relationship feels mutual. It will only feel and actually be mutual if you’re making a real connection. People can only connect on things they have in common. Find common ground and remember this: interesting people are interested people.

3. Serve, don’t Use

The biggest and most important question to ask about anything and everything is, “why?” Heart-check time.

If the only reason you want the attention of an influencer is for what they can do for you instead of what you can give to them, you’ll get nothing at all.

The marketplace is all about exchange. Taking something that cost you nothing is theft. It turns you into the predator and they the victim. Whenever someone feels taken advantage of the only feeling that rises in them is one of justice to stand up to the bully. It instantly puts you on adversarial terms.

Manipulating ‘the game’ to get what you want is downright evil.

This all probably sounds a little dramatic, so allow me to tell you this: it’s not! In the social economy, those that [ab]use people for selfish gain are the criminals that undermine the entire system for everyone.

Influencers are so much more guarded than they would be had they not gotten burned…over…and over again.

You must start from the place where you ask yourself this question: would I consider it a huge win if the only thing I ever got from this person was the chance to show them how much I appreciate them and observe their life/work more closely?

This is the only attitude that can change the definition of success that eliminates the pressure which always perverts intentions. As long as you continue to put expectations on what you think someone ‘should do for you after all you’ve done for them’ you will always end bitter and offended.

You must accept that your role in the relationship is servant.

And serving to eventually get something someday is not serving at all, it’s work. You’ll sweat and toil with no promise of a payday.

You can only begin to serve in it’s truest form when you genuinely give to them, serve them, help them, and contribute to them with no expectation of ever getting a favor, a mention on social media, an invitation to an event, a financial hookup, an introduction to a big-shot, or even recognition of the friendship. If don’t feel that way, you’re better off not initiating at all.

Service says: you’re worth the effort simply because of who you are to me. It recognizes what they’ve already done rather than what they can do for you.

Serve your way into the door. Serve your way into their hearts. Serve your way to the top.

I hope this helps. It has worked in my own life.

Do it and you’ll find yourself in a seat at the table.

Ben

bendebayle.com

Preface: I am fully aware of how sensitive both of these topics are. I hope you can see my heart behind this post and how evil I believe slavery is. It’s a tough subject to even discuss, especially for those whose ancestry were victims of slavery. But that’s also the very reason that makes the following thought so impactful, albeit heavy. Without such strong feelings against slavery that we all unanimously hold, the following would not carry the force necessary to be effective. In the spirit of truth in love…

If you took a step back in time to the heat of the slave debate, you would hear very polarizing stances from both sides. What we now agree is one of America’s darkest sins was once up for legal (and moral) debate.

In today’s America, an issue inciting that same level of an emotional response is abortion. They are two different issues to be sure. I’m in no way insinuating there is a direct comparison.

But there are similarities that makes the slave tragedy more than a suitable example.

I selected the example of slavery because everyone now unanimously denounces it and recognizes how immoral it was through the lens of history. That consensus helps us to further contrast how diabolical and harsh pro-slavery arguments were in order to uncover equally logically and morally flawed pro-choice arguments currently being shouted.

So let’s highlight these pro-choice arguments in the same context as arguments used in favor of slavery in the 1800s.

If you sympathize with or even spout any of the mentioned pro-choice arguments I reference, I am not condemning you and I don’t hate you…I just disagree with you. Hopefully, you’ll adjust your stance by the conclusion of this short post (fingers crossed).

It’s hard to see beneath something until someone else brings it to light in the right context.

Disclaimer: this may be as hard for some to read as it was for me to write.

Flawed pro-slavery argument: “I want to be clear, I don’t like slavery. I think it’s terrible. But I also recognize that I can support freedom for African-Americans and also be pro-slavery at the same time. Though I do not agree with slavery, I also do not think it’s the government’s business telling plantation owners what they can and can’t do on their property and their business. It’s their right to choose what they do on their own property and the government needs to stay out of it!”

Related pro-choice argument: “I’m not in favor of abortion, but I still believe it’s a woman’s right to choose and the government should stay out of it.”

Here’s what abolitionist and president Abraham Lincoln had to say:

No law can give me the right to do what is wrong” — Abraham Lincoln

Flawed pro-slavery argument: “Please understand, it’s not an easy decision to own slaves. It is a very complicated, delicate matter that is often only decided after a plantation owner has prayerfully consulted his family, business partners, and religious leaders. Sometimes it’s necessary. So please be careful how you talk about slavery; especially in front of people that have owned slaves since it’s a sensitive subject.”

Related pro-abortion argument: “Having an abortion is a very hard, emotional decision, so don’t speak out strongly against it for the sake of those that have been involved with it in the past.”

Flawed pro-slavery argument: “I actually hate the term ‘slave’. It’s very negative. It makes it sound like human beings are forcefully being held against their will. We all know slaves aren’t human beings. In fact, the three-fifths compromise proves it. Slaves only get three-fifths the vote that the rest of us do. So from here on out, let’s refer to slaves as negros…you know, something not so human-sounding. It’s important to make that distinction. If you don’t, it can be very traumatic for the conscience of the slave owners. Don’t try to make slave owners feel guilty by implying slaves are human.”

Related pro-abortion argument: “It’s not a human, it’s just a fetus.”

Flawed pro-slavery argument: “I wish all of the people that are so against slavery were just as passionately in favor of getting slaves jobs and homes. They are so adamantly against slavery and completely dismiss what happens when you actually give a slave their freedom. Most of the time, they can’t handle freedom. They have no resources and would live in an impoverished environment. Do you really want them to live like that? At least slavery saves them from terrible lives!”

Related pro-abortion argument: “It’s better for a baby to be aborted than to live in a bad environment.”

Here is what civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had to say:

How can the “Dream” survive if we murder the children?
Every aborted baby is like a slave in the womb of his or her mother. The mother decides his or her fate. — Dr. Martin Luther King

Flawed pro-slavery argument: “Even if you do ban slavery, do you really think it would stop happening? It wouldn’t. In fact, it would probably be worse. Instead of publicly owning slaves where the government can at least regulate it and ensure safe, slave-owning practices, it would happen in secret where it would be very dangerous for both slaves and their plantation owners. Who knows what could go wrong in an underground slave-trade market. There would probably be more slaves than less.”

Related pro-abortion argument: “It’s better for abortion to be legal because it will happen regardless.”

Flawed pro-slavery argument: “I’m tired of the scare tactics the anti-slavery camp uses to sway public opinion. They will often carry posters of slaves getting whipped and beaten. Nobody wants to see the open wounds or violent tactics used by the professional slave-drivers hired by plantation owners. It’s all just a way to shame and guilt those of us in favor of slavery.”

Related pro-abortion argument: “Pro-life advocates shouldn’t show what an actual abortion looks like.”

What you just read made my stomach turn. It was hard to even pen some of those sentences. To think that some justified slavery in America — in many cases using similar arguments to those above — is unthinkable.

And yet, we are right in the middle of a nation-defining struggle where America must decide on which side of history she will stand. At the height of slavery, there were about 4 million slaves in America. There have been 57 million abortions since the Roe vs. Wade decision in 1973.

You do have a ‘right to choose’. You must choose where you stand and what you stand for.

But you also have another choice. As the famous abolitionist William Wilberforce said:

You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know. — William Wilberforce

Now you know.

Ben

bendebayle.com

“Eat healthy and get fit.” Great. “Wake up earlier.” Go for it. “Read four books every month.” Sure.

All of these are great and I’ll be setting similar 2017 goals.

But as I reflect on this past year, I find myself evaluating whether or not I’ve grown as person more than on what I have or haven’t accomplished. Am I a better person than I was a year ago?

In some ways, I think so. In some ways…probably not.

Which is why I’m focusing on something more important than exercise habits and career goals in 2017. I’ll be intentional about my development as a human being by setting some character resolutions (as I’m coining them).

Who I am is so much more important than what I do.

These character resolutions will focus on my behaviors and mindsets. There are a few areas where my actions and thoughts need to change.

So without further beating the point to death…

Here’s the list I’m committing to:

1. I’m fully committed to doing nothing halfway.

There are many projects I’ve started (the easy part) and only a few I’ve finished (the hard part). I don’t want to do that anymore. If something isn’t worth doing to completion it’s nothing more than a waste of time and a distraction.

Looks like I’ll be saying “no” to a lot of ideas this next year and it will be for the best. I want to be a finisher. I want that to be who I am.

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might — Ecclesiastes 9:10

2. I will not talk about anyone I’m unwilling to pray for.

I was far too willing to share [mostly negative] opinions of others this past year for no other reason than to be heard. It does absolutely nothing for me, the person listening, or the person being talked about.

If I don’t care enough about them to actually dedicate time in prayer for them, than I don’t deserve to speak about them at all.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. — Ephesians 4:9

3. When I think of some good that should be done, I’ll do it.

I sure have yapped a lot about all the problems that should be fixed and all the good things that someone out there should do. Talk is cheap. How many did I actually give my time, effort or resources to?

One of the most convicting thoughts stirring in me recently has been, “I can, therefore I should!”

Pause. Spend the next 10 seconds thinking about that. Go back and read it again. Really. It’s a weighty thought.

Not everyone will have the opportunity to do the good that you discover should to be done. Which means, when we encounter good we’re capable of doing, we have a responsibility to do it.

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. — James 4:17

4. I’ll inwardly silence cynicism and outwardly speak optimism.

Maybe seeing issues as more black-and-white comes with the territory as we mature. I don’t know. But if we’re not careful it causes us to suffer from what I call grumpy-old-man-syndrome. You know what I’m talking about. I don’t want to become the old dude that’s constantly upset and complaining about something…or everything.

Nobody enjoys being around that. It’s miserable. And sadly, this may be the hardest character resolution for me this year as the world increasingly gives reasons to be cynical and negative about. Cynicism and negatively are the toxins that pollutes the soul if allowed to. I must master my thoughts and optimistically dwell on the positive side of everything.

No, this is not naivety. It’s seeing the worst, but then choosing to profess the best in every situation.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. — Philippians 4:8

5. I’ll boldly vocalize what’s deeply important, and not much else.

Too many important things I’ve left unsaid. I had what I thought were good reasons to swallow them. But the real reason behind each of those reasons was always fear — of what people will think, how they will react.

At the same time, I’ve publicly expressed some thoughts that were nothing more than emotional responses not carefully audited by the consequences they would have. Most were regrettably unhelpful in any way. The feeling of getting something off my chest was always outdone by the bitter effects of those unruly words.

Social media is so lethal in that way.

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. — Proverbs 13:3

A year from now.

This will admittedly be a challenge. Character is developed over time. That’s why I’m giving myself this entire next year to fail at these often. I’ll wrestle through it.

Fail, repent, succeed, repeat. If all goes according to plan, time between that cycle should span further and further apart as the year progresses.

More than bragging that I made X more dollars or ate X more kale chips at the end of this year, I’d instead love to tell you how I became a better man — not what I did, but who I am.

Ben

bendebayle.com

PS-I decided these resolutions have to confront me face-to-face to truly be effective.

So I created a physical print to post in a place where I can see it daily.

If you have also been encouraged by this idea and randomly want a print of your own, I’m willing to ship one to you at cost…not trying to make a dime of something silly like this, but will happily do this to be helpful…cause I love ya.

If you want one for whatever reason: you can get it here.

This isn’t going to be the typical bashing of political correctness.

Too many have become brash jerks in an effort to fight back against those using political correctness to try and intimidate anyone with opposing opinions into silence.

Offending someone isn’t a badge of honor.

I hate offending anyone. I have always been this way. Sometimes, it has made me more passive and non-confrontational than I should have been in situations.

I tended to let stuff that should have been addressed roll off my back more. I just wanted everyone to like me…I still do…who doesn’t?

But, I notice I’m becoming bolder. And I’m asking myself the question: do I like the change I’m seeing?

I Care If I Offend You.

I heavily weigh the pros and cons of saying any controversial opinion. If there’s a chance anyone would get offended, I consider if it’s really worth saying at all.

My apprehension isn’t rooted in fear of criticism — I can take it. Instead, it’s birthed from a disdain for ever being the reason for someone’s hurt.

Sometimes it’s not worth it. I’m glad I have a [Holy Spirit] filter.

But sometimes it is. Sometimes, it’s not only permissible, but necessary.

So what’s the compromise?

Politically Correct: Bad. Diplomatic: Good.

Over the years, I’ve always looked to stand on strong truths with compassion. The following communication goal is what has helped me the most.

Never be politically correct, but always be diplomatic.

This is what I try to do.

Interpreted, that means to tell the whole truth, in the least offensive way possible.

It’s all about your intentions.

This is today’s version of political-correctness: don’t say anything if there’s a chance someone could be offended.

Where being diplomatic means: say it without any intention of offending.

It’s a subtle but important difference.

Being diplomatic means you consider how what you say will be interpreted. It means you carefully select your words.

It means you care about the people listening. It means you try to make what will be perceived match what you mean as closely as possible.

It’s not weakness. It’s strength.

It loosens ground instead of entrenching people deeper into their position.

I Can’t Care If You Get Offended.

You can’t keep people from being offended. The truth is offensive sometimes — regardless of how it’s delivered.

Where you can’t keep the truth from offending, you can keep yourself from using the truth as a weapon to hurt others. Don’t be destructively dogmatic.

In the end, our ultimate allegiance isn’t to someone’s feelings. Our allegiance must be to the truth, and truth only.

We must be truth-seekers and truth-speakers.

Keeping someone from all offense can mean you keep someone from truth. And that’s something I’m not willing to do. I can’t do. I can’t care if the truth offends.

The people most offended by truth are often the ones that need it most.

We can’t be responsible for people’s feelings, but we can be compassionate toward them.

So I will continue choosing to be diplomatic.

Ben

bendebayle.com