There’s a…annoyance?…we’ve all quietly agreed to: that the entertainment industry calls the shots, consumers just consume.

That Hollywood execs, streaming platforms, networks, and sports franchises somehow “own” your attention, your tastes, your time, hell, even your money. That their algorithms know you better than you know yourself. That you’re just along for the ride, and loving or hating everything they do. It doesn’t matter either way, as long as you post a TikTok, comment on YouTube, or head to Reddit; it all ultimately helps them control the business.

That can end, but it is on us.

Let’s be clear: you (or we) are the economy. Your subscription dollars, your views, your retweets, your cosplay, your fandom; all of it fuels the machine. And for too long, that machine has taken your data and your money, and turned it into executive bonuses, stock buybacks, and bloated IP empires that treat you like an afterthought. Worse than that, they don’t treat you with any form of thought at all.

You’re NOT Just a Consumer

Media companies love to make you feel powerless. “Don’t like it? Don’t watch.” “We had to cancel it — it didn’t perform.” “Prices go up, that’s just the cost of doing business.” These aren’t explanations. They’re manipulations. They want to keep you disconnected from the fact that you’re the reason the business exists at all.

Streaming giants don’t create value out of thin air. They analyze your behavior, scrape your data, build a profile based on your preferences, and then sell that profile. Sometimes, for their own analysis to manipulate your behavior, or to sell that data directly to advertisers and marketers.

You are both the product and the purchaser. And the more detached you feel from that truth, the easier it is for them to pretend you’re just lucky to be included. That they are the creative ones who ‘own’ these beloved (or new) franchises and can do whatever they want.

The Power You Forgot You Had

The most-watched show in America doesn’t get made without you. The Marvel Cinematic Universe doesn’t become a billion-dollar franchise without your ticket stubs. A hit single doesn’t stream a billion times without your earbuds.

Fans saved Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Fans helped bring back Community for a final season. Fans turned a director’s cut (Zack Snyder’s Justice League) into a corporate PR campaign. Fans built Stranger Things, Yellowstone, Squid Game, Fleabag, and The Last of Us into cultural moments. However, the fans often get overlooked in discussions about these entities. Fans don’t reap any benefits from their growth; fans build value for the IP that these companies so desperately want and need, but they don’t care about those who made them. Studios are more than happy to bring back a show that was cancelled, as it only means more merchandise sales, additional licensing fees, and excellent PR. In the end, they win again.

Stop Thinking Like an Audience, Think Like an Owner.

This isn’t just about being louder on social media. It’s about seeing your role in a different light. Every dollar you spend on a subscription, every t-shirt purchase, every stream, every rewatch — that’s a vote.

So let’s start voting with purpose.

• Don’t subscribe out of habit. Subscribe out of principle.
• Don’t just binge. Choose what to support.
• Stop treating bad shows like guilty pleasures. Guilt is how they keep you quiet.
• And yes, cancel a subscription from time to time. You don’t owe any platform loyalty. They certainly don’t offer it in return.

But What Do We Do?

Good question. Here’s a start, but I’ll have more thoughts:

• Track your consumption: Awareness is the first step. Are you supporting the kind of stories, creators, and companies you believe in?
• Support small creators directly: Patreon. Substack. Tip jars. Merch. It all matters.
• Ask better questions: Who owns this content? Who profits from it? Have they done anything for the fans?
• Talk to other fans: Movements start with shared frustration, then grow through shared action.
• Unite around a single issue: whether it’s fair pay, IP ownership, or transparency in streaming numbers, we can rally around something specific.

This Isn’t a Boycott. It’s a Wake-Up Call.

You’re not powerless. You’re not passive. You’re not just a consumer.

And the moment you start treating your attention like the currency it is, we can change everything. The entire system needs to change; more rants are to come, probably some boycotts as well, because then we can change everything, and quickly.

Another 5 Things of me getting things off my mind to the public, or at least the <10 people that will read this.

#1. My son is driving me nuts, has been wildly spending money, doesn’t have a job and seems to be disrespecting me at every turn. Boomers would tell me, “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child”, Millennials “Let them find themselves”, who knows WTF Gen Z would say. I’m Gen X— I’m trying to be tough and supportive at all the same time. Not working.

#2. I have written about my song periods before, I’m back into Ben Folds — there must be a reason for this. Right now, “Fragile” off his new album is playing, its so beautiful, give it a listen.

#3. I love my new job. Challenging but not insanely stressful. Fun, smart and opinionated staff who deeply care about what they do. Its a very interesting situation and I hope to help turn this ship to an exciting direction soon.

#4. I think I may have finally kicked my Kickstarter habit. I only have one active and haven’t been looking at new projects in months. I will back those that I have backed in the past — or friends that have one coming up, but I’m sticking with that. Over 1,500 backed projects for lordie’s sake.

#5. Do Beef Organ supplements really work? I will admit, I have been interested in trying. Not for muscle building or weight loss, just general health and well-being. I don’t really take a lot of supplements — I eat a ton of veggies, fruit, protein and plenty of legumes (LOVE that word) — but maybe I’ll try it for like 60 days… would be interested if I feel anything.

Have a wonderful day

I have been writing, in my professional life, a list of 5 Things for all staff at the companies I worked for; National Geographic, WWE, Canela Media, Public Radio, even back to my local TV station days back in the 1990s. Way before CNN launched their little 5 Things podcast and news site… (copycats). Not that this is any genius, never-before-done thing, but given that I enjoy writing them for work, thought I’d try and write them for myself. Without further ado, my 5 Things, which if I do this according to plan will be 1–3X a week… so expect it 1X a month.

#1. Attended my 11th or 12th Gencon this weekend — been going with an amazing friend all this time and my less-amazing (Ha!) brother, the last 3 years as well. Every time I think I’m done with the insane crowds, I have a blast and want to immediately come back — plus the 25K-27K steps a day are awesome.

#2. Got sad this weekend a bit seeing my ‘old’ in-laws (I’m a widow going on 6 years now). It was great to tell stories of my wife/their daughter, and it did make me smile, but when I left, I was filled with a great loneliness of missing her. Grief sucks.

#3. Sometimes we have strange reactions to moments that I don’t quite get until its done. I ordered Starbucks coffee on the way to work, as I often do. Got to Starbucks, walked in (I never use drive-thru for no good reason), and they handed me a bag of whole bean coffee. I ordered a 16 oz hot coffee. I looked at it, said thanks and walked out, then drove to Dunkin. What the Hell?

#4. My dog is too chill sometimes, makes me nervous.

#5. Do flies have personalities? We had 2 in our house last night, one was super aggressive and seemed to taunt us — the other was flying as far away from us as possible. I would like to know more about the nature & nuture of flies.

Don’t send generic messages or copy-paste lines to every potential match. Take the time to read their profile and craft a personalized message that shows you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. Trust me, it’ll set you apart from the sea of “Hey, how are you?” messages. Always, and I mean always, be open-ended — write like you are talking to them. Ask questions, be curious, and respond with full answers. Also, keep in mind that manners never go out of style, especially in the dating world.

On the flip side, don’t get discouraged by rejection. Hopefully, that part will be easier for you as you are older; thankfully, it was for me. I don’t take any of it personally and know that not everything works out. Not every match will be a perfect fit, and that’s okay. Keep a positive attitude and remember that each interaction is a learning experience. Stay open-minded and don’t take rejection personally — it’s all part of the dating game.

In conclusion, gentlemen, online dating can be a fun and exciting way to meet new people and potentially find love after 50. Honestly, it’s about the only way to meet new people, I found. I was too self-conscious to interact with folks at a bar, grocery store, or whatever. It’s a bit of a numbers game, so keep at it; it can be a lot of fun (even the bad dates, as long as no one is in danger)! So put yourself out there, stay true to who you are, and remember to enjoy the journey. Happy swiping!

I was reading an article the other day, I don’t remember the publication, I think it might have been by Columbia University, about the ills of social media. I’m certain the research was accurate, and I have no doubts the article was well intended. This isn’t about the article per se.

I tend to be positive in my view of the future. When anyone asks what Generation I wish I was born in, I always say, the current one. I think this generation has it best, and the one after this will have it even better. Sure, there’s some serious shit going on, but we work through it. I’m a parent, my job, as I saw it, was to try and develop a self-sufficient, critical thinker that learns about the past and questions everything. Younger generations are here to break down the past- sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't.

So, Social Media. I’m a light user, I dab here and there, and I rarely even go on Facebook or Instagram, unless I get some notification or it's a birthday that I feel like I should mention. A couple of weekends ago, I listened to to a couple my age (I’m Gen X, right smack dab in the middle) — rant about the problems with social media. They finally clued into the fact I wasn’t saying anything, in fact, I had gone to my phone and was doing a crossword. They asked me to join in.

I said what I always say, it's not helpful, but I say it anyways. Guys, it will be all right. Leave it to the ‘youth’ — they’ll figure this out, it's growing pains. Social Media isn’t going anywhere, and banning it isn’t going to help — we never learn anything from the past. Teach your kids, as best you can, how to use it and question it — knowing that the power of friends will affect them in ways we can’t control. Know that previous generations figured out the dangers of newspapers and magazines and radio and TV and films and VHS and even….gasp…Dungeons & Dragons.

Don’t mistake me, I understand the deep issues that revolve around politics, conspiracy theories, dangerous ideas, stalkers, etc., etc. Though I sound like it, I don’t mean to diminish those things. Yet, I do believe that kids will figure this out, we have to continue to help them see it, help them figure out new ways to think about it — they have the answers, we should give them the tools, not treat them like idiots that need to be protected.

I know this wasn’t useful, but made me feel better. Plus, Gen X rules

Grief still sucks. I experienced my greatest grief, to date (and hopefully ever) in late February 2018. Does it still hurt? Fuck yes, it still hurts. Life moves however, the train never stops. I used to say the train never stops moving forward, to everyone on my team at work. I thought I was some inspiring genius. I hate it now.

So yes, I still grieve, but it's so different now. I’m also extremely happy. In many, but not all parts of my life. its been over 2 years since I last captured my grief, and this isn’t a blog of my life, just spur-of-the-moment times to write that seem important for some reason. The irony is, I don’t feel like there was anything terribly important today, or recently, but I sat down, was listening to some electronic dance music (yes, I dance by myself in my apartment, not ashamed), and I felt like writing. So thought I’d see where it took me.

I have been dating someone since Sept 2021. I had been on a string of dates, but nothing that deep, and I mostly just used dates to pass the time and meet people. I wasn’t in the ‘comparing to my late wife’ mode, but I wasn’t in the ‘I’m looking for the next chapter of my life’ either. But sometimes, the universe has different ideas. I met a Greek Goddess, of sorts, as she’s not actually a Greek God — at least I don’t think so. I haven’t asked, to be honest, I guess anything is possible.

It started out awkward, but that’s nothing new for me. Hey, I’m going to fast forward, maybe someday I’ll go over the first year+ of our relationship, but not now, so stop asking. I’m here to write about the here and now, at least the here and now as I’m writing this in April 2023. This particular weekend, I had taken my youngest child out to a weekend of hiking and cooking, and my Greek Goddess (GG) went out to a reunion with her college buds. We both had great weekends and nerdily kept each other up to date via the medium known as texting. Google it if you don’t know what that is.

So, yes, I still grieve, but I also love. I don’t feel guilty, I don’t feel ashamed, I don’t feel sad about it. I’m freaking happy about it, and I won’t let grief take anything away from me on that. That doesn’t mean that I don’t grieve. I had moments this weekend, looking at my child, telling stories, that my old life comes back. I still miss my wife, there’s no getting around that, but that should not stop me from moving forward — fucking train metaphor must die.

My GG has brought so much into my life. Showed me how to believe in myself again, provides me with some social life so I don’t have to make my own friends again (introvert alert!), and thankfuls. Since Nov 2021, we have shared things we are thankful for every night (that we’re apart). Hundreds of these, 5–8 a night, from the food we ate to major life events. I never thought I’d do something like this, but habits are amazing things. Being thankful for things in my life changed me. I freaking made TikToks about Thankfuls, I mean seriously. It's given a completely altered view on life. I don’t even yell at stupid drivers in CT nearly as much.

So grief sucks, but sometimes it doesn’t. I actually like my grief, and I’m thankful for it. That may sound messed up, I don’t know. Widows out there may understand (Some, not all). I can’t change the past, but my grief is part of who I am. I’ve decided I’m pretty awesome, so if grief made me that way, I’m thankful for it.

Who knows what that all meant.

Yea, so its been awhile since i’ve mentioned my grief, not because I don’t feel it. Its always there like some dark shadow waiting to pounce. However, I always seem to know where it is and keep it down. I have seen over the past 7–8 months that I’ve made great strides. I feel as happy as I’ve been since…well..before. I remember the feeling of joy, and have experienced it often. I feel my path is more clear and i understand more about what I want over the next 5, 10, 15 years. Much has changed since my initial grief posts:

1. I changed jobs. Still work in the media industry, but now for a much different business. Having a blast learning the new ways of working, thinking and working my way through a culture I still don’t quite understand. Will it last? I don’t know, but I’ll do what i can for the time I’m with them.
2. I moved north. From MD to CT. Maryland being the state that everyone drives through to get to DC. CT being the state that everyone drives through to go to NYC or Boston. But, they are beautiful, amazing states in their own right that don’t get enough credit. I’ve found CT to be open, friendly and so far, quite amazing.
3. I started dating. While I started the process before I moved, I went into higher gear in CT. Meeting many women, having some wonderful dates and some horrible experiences, and everything in between. To all of my dates, I would like to thank you. Thank you for allowing me to find my path, to understand who I am and where I am in life better. You’ve helped me understand where in my process I am. I apologize if I was a crap date, but you still meant something to me and I will forever be in all of your debt. So, again, thank you.
4. I have gotten more serious about someone. I don’t know where it’s going, or what it means, or if she’ll wake up tomorrow and say to herself, ‘what am I doing?’. What I can say is when I’m not with her, I miss her. When I am with her, I smile, I laugh and I want to listen to every word she says. She asks questions, many amazing questions, I answer best I can and she listens, and is deeply curious and soaks everything in with intense, piercing eyes, they are mesmerizing. She is kind, giving, demanding of herself and others, driven, grounded, deeply empathetic and curious…always curious. i find that the most amazing, endearing, beautiful? I don’t know the right word, but to me, curiosity is intelligence, curiosity is caring, curiosity is everything. So where it goes from here, who can know, but I’m here for it.

I’m still on the journey, but the journey gets more exciting and clearer with every turn. I feel like I have someone that I can start to enjoy mini-journeys with and share in life’s great adventure. Where it goes, I don’t know, but i can’t worry about that now, what I can do is be the best me I can be, for my children, for her, for my friends & family- and of course, for me.

I have a music problem. When I get into an artist, I listen to them nearly exclusively. Spotify has enabled that habit in extreme ways. Now I can just turn to all songs from an artist and there I am.

I don’t mean I listen to them for days at a time, its months, years at a time. In fact, there are 3 distinct eras of music that I can relate to my life. Before I go further, sure, yes, I of course heard other music in this time, but in a given week anywhere from 60–100% of the music I listened to during that time was with that artist. So here I’ll psychoanalyze myself, because that’s healthy to do.

Phase 1: Paul Simon/Simon & Garfunkel. 1989–1999. I’m combining all of Paul Simon into one group. My first obsession, happened during my high school and college years. While everyone else was into Motley Crue and Nirvana, (I was so obsessed, I couldn’t think of other examples), I was listening to You Can Call Me Al and Flowers Never Bend With the Rainfall. I couldn’t get enough of Paul’s lyrics and both his easy going voice and Art Garfunkel’s angelic voice. From their early work in the 60s? to Paul’s solo and his best album, Hearts and Bones. Probably thought I was going to say Graceland, which of course is awesome.

My friends thought I was just trying to be different. My girlfriend thought it was ridiculous. I couldn’t sing along at high school dances because I didn’t know the words to any Billy Idol song, and I was secretly hoping they’d play Cecilia anyway.

Phase 2: Ben Folds/Ben Folds Five. 2000–2012. My longest phase and what is true with all my phases, I find artists well after they peak. I started to move from Paul’s deeper lyrics to Ben Folds simple stories about his life. His frenetic piano skills and his skillful ballads (I have no idea what I’m talking about) simply spoke to me.

I was introduced to Ben Folds’ music by a friend of my wife. She worked with a woman who knew the drummer of Ben Folds Five, had dated him in high school and still hung out at shows. I told her I never heard of them, she mentioned the song Brick, to which I just shrugged. That night, she came over with CD’s and we played “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner” and I was mesmerized. I can still remember the moment I heard Mess and how much it hit me.

I went to the CD shop the next day and bought up all the Ben folds music I could find. This spiraled into a massive obsession, probably my deepest. I ended up seeing Ben perform live 3 times, as well as his work at the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts. Amazing. Yet, I couldn’t give a shit about his hosting of the singing competition on TV. I just want the music, sorry celebrities. Actually, you probably like that — I’m not that interested in them, just their art — live your life already.

Phase 3: Twenty-One Pilots. 2013- Present. I’m currently in year 8 of my obsession with Twenty-One Pilots. My youngest daughter once said, hey, I think you might enjoy this band. I was bopping to Rocking the Suburbs, so I clearly didn’t have time for 2 guys in skeleton hoodies. Then she played Heavydirtysoul for me.

As is the norm, it doesn’t take much for me, just a single song. With Paul Simon it was Dangling Conversation, Ben Folds was Mess and now Heavydirtysoul. There’s some psychological evaluation that could be made there, but I’m not qualified to do so.

Once again, I ‘found’ a band well after its peak or at least proven popularity. (I had a brief stint with Cake that’s not worth mentioning in 2014). I went to 4 Twenty-One pilots concerts, bought hoodies and t-shirts and played it in my car while driving my teenage daughter and her friends around, thinking they thought I was cool.

But let’s recap.

When I was in high school and college, I listened to a band that was popular in the 60s and 70s- with a resurgence of Paul Simon in the 80s.

When I was out in the world, I startiedto listen to a guy just living his life and telling stories. I went on a ride with Ben Folds — finding himself, in and out of life, having children, mellowing out. I got all of it

I seem to be seeing my rebellious side as I get older with Twenty-one Pilots. Although they seem to be settling down now. I find their music to be so unique to them, passionate in the way they want to make music, 2 guys who just want to do what they do. I love them for that.

That or I’m extraordinarily lazy, once I find some music I like, just easier to listen to. I’m in the market for new obsession, let me know some ideas.

#1. I read a printed newspaper on Sunday.

That’s right, I’m <50, and still get a Sunday newspaper! Why would I do that? So I can read the Sunday comics (which actually come on Saturday) and the book reviews/arts section such as it is. Zits still has it going on, and I will also have a special place in my heart for Mutts and Brewster Rocket. Could I do those online, sure, but that’s no fun. Plus, I like the samurai sudoku in print, even though I always get bored about 3/4 of the way through and never finish it. Most of the paper then sits, unread, in a chair until recycling day. Makes no sense really. SHOCKING.

#2. Thor: Ragnarok is the best MCU movie

I may have subscribed to Disney+ just so I could watch Thor: Ragnorak on repeat. It is that good. It‘s charming, it has heart, and best of all it has Jeff Goldblum who somehow pulls off a celestial? being by still just being Jeff Goldblum. All of the other Thor movies are trash, but Chris Hemsworth puts his all into them anyways. I can’t get enough of that Ragnorak, though. Guess I know what I’m doing tonight. BLOW YOU AWAY.

#3. Pear Cider is not a thing

Cider, by definition, is made from fermented apples, not pears. So you can’t have pear cider any more than you can have skunk honey. Wow, that analogy doesn’t really work. I’m sure you can make alcohol out of pears somehow, but it’s not cider, so stop calling it that, immediately. The apple lobbyists are extremely sensitive to this and will hunt you down. UNBELIEVEABLE.

#4. My dog farts all the time

That’s all I have to say about that. NO WAY.

#5. I hate articles on what’s huge on Netflix

Not just Netflix, but any of the streaming platforms. These super lazy click bait sites pull up their Netflix account, see what’s trending and write the same article over and over again. This underrated film is killing it on Netflix. How do they know? Because it was trending when they looked at their account? More people probably saw the movie on regular TV, but that’s not clickbaity enough. Those articles are a waste of Internet space. Much like this article. TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

Funny thing is that I’m not in a dark place, at the moment, with my grief. Its always there, but it’s not at the surface today. Generally, I’m feeling excited about the future, looking forward to the rest of the day (I’m writing this mid-morning on a Monday), and have felt productive for most of the day.

So what about grief sucks on a day like this? The fact that I was feeling all of those things and still dropped the book I was reading (Later by Stephen King), fired up my laptop and started writing this. Grief was sitting in the back of my head just roiling by itself and forced my hand. I would rather be reading at this moment, but I felt compelled to get something down. Nothing in particular, just a sense of unease that was sitting with me.

I share these thoughts so that it helps those not suffering through intense grief maybe understand a bit better those who are suffering. I don’t want anyone to understand the grief of losing a close loved one at an age that it shouldn’t be happening. Loss at any age is difficult, but loss early in life is exceedingly difficult. It's important to know that those suffering from this type of grief can’t control much of it. I’m three years out from losing my wife of 21 years, and I still have moments of just pure sadness that overwhelm me. Sure, I’m better at handling it, as well as better at not showing it, but it is very much present.

It can be difficult to know what to do when someone is grieving, or it feels like it's a long way out and they should be further through it. Just be patient, don’t push too much, but do bring their behavior up, if you are a close friend. Sometimes I don’t recognize when I’m down and my friends will find ways to gently remind me — not to make me happy, but simply to help me see what they are seeing. I can then decide how I should handle it from there.

That’s all for today, seems my brain is appreciative of pushing out this short piece on grief today. I can feel my pseudo-headache receding and maybe I can dive back into my Stephen King book.