The story I’m about to tell is by far one of the oddest things that has ever happened to me.If it didn’t happen to me personally,I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t even believe it.

I was 21 and had been drinking for a better part of the day,and by 9pm my sense of good judgement was nowhere to be found.I was at a local bar that I still attend regularly,with 2 of my good friends,Jesse and bill.In all honesty a lot of small details of that night are beyond blurry to me.But this is my recollection of what occurred next.

Bill had been talking to a woman next to him here and there throughout the night.She was in her early 30s,pretty decent looking,but was clearly either intoxicated or just not all there.Like most bars on a Saturday night it was loud,and I had been paying no mind to bills conversation with the lady.That was,until he leaned towards me with one of the most bewildered and just all around exasperated expressions I've ever seen on his face and said "bro,this fucking nutjob just told me she was a pirate in her past life".It took me a solid ten seconds to even comprehend such an absurd statement,but once I did,I immediately broke out into uncontrollable laughter.To be honest,I just assumed he was messing with me.I mean,nobody in real life walks around telling a complete stranger that they were a pirate in a past life right?Wrong,this lady was legitimately claiming,in a life previous to the one she was currently living,hundreds of years ago,in a land far far away,she was a pirate.Pirate,As in captain hook kind of pirate.After he and I argued for a minute or so about whether this lady really told him that until finally he says to her "tell him what you told me".

Without so much as a slight hesitation,in a very serious and confident tone,she tells me exactly what he said she told him

SHE WAS A PIRATE IN A LIFE PREVIOUS TO THIS ONE.

Now,before you go on reading,say that sentence to yourself a few times and really let it sink in.Think about what this obviously insane lady was claiming.To top it off,that wasn't the most troublesome part of all of this.It was the convincing and sincere manner that she said it.This woman without a doubt believed what she was saying,and even worse she was becoming visibly frustrated in the obvious fact that we were laughing at her.They say "hell have no fury like a woman's scorn,so just imagine the fury of a drunken woman's scorn,one who had spent her past life sailing the angry seas fighting off peter pan and the lost boys.

As I said,there's an awful lot about this night that i just simply can't recall,because I probably drank more that night then most normal people do in a month.However,I do recall being legitimately worried about what this lady was capable of if we really pushed her past her breaking point.I've seen people far more stable then her quickly turn their bottle of coors into a prison weapon at a moments notice.So i kind of pulled my buddies aside and convinced them to ease up,at least directly to the pirates face,and to just kind of try to laugh subtly behind her back.

Then things really got interesting.

The pirate waves down the bartender and insists he bring us four shots of tequila and bring us each a beer,on her dime.

Now,how do I put this delicately... Lets just say my friends and I would have probably kept Osama Bin Laden company that night if he was the one paying for our drinks.So now that shes paying for our alcohol,we not only have this lady as our new source of entertainment,but she's now also a source of free drinks.After the pirate kindly paid for a few rounds of drinks my one buddy Bill decides its a good to try and convince this nut that he also,was a pirate in his past life.Note to self:It is not a good idea to try and convince a lady that claims she was a pirate in her past life,that you were also a pirate in your past life.

This infuriated Captain Hook's alcoholic mistress to no end.She started saying things like "If you're lying,I'll find out" and "well if you were,we were rivals,I can feel it". I can honestly say I have never been so amused and frightened at the exact same time.My buddy shot back at her with gems like "You can disrespect my mother,you can question my man hood,but don't you dare say I wasn't a pirate in my past life". At this point,the alcohol and just sheer absurdness of this whole situation began to outweigh any fear I had about this lady murdering all 3 of us. So by now,I'm just laughing and joining in on the fun,yet still stepping in to simmer it down when I need to. I guess this pirate interpreted my kindness as my way of saying I was interested in pursuing a one night stand with a 32 year old hammered ex pirate. Because she started relentlessly requesting that I come back to her house with her.

Ladies and gentleman,I have put myself into many compromising and just downright dangerous situations plenty of times in my life,but there was just simply no way I was going to be alone with an intoxicated 32 year old woman who claimed to be a pirate in her past life,especially in the comforts of her own pirate ship,I mean,house.

At least not until one of my idiot friends, who clearly had no interest in my best interest,offered me $20 if I could successfully convince her to leave with me.

This was going to be the easiest twenty dollars I ever made.I figured I'd simply just ask her to leave with me,have a beer with her at her house,leave and go back to the bar to collect my winnings.Well,that is not how this story ends,at all.

"convincing" her to leave was not an issue,considering she had been trying to convince me to do just that for the past half hour. Much to my friend's amusement,the pirate orders a 6 pack to go,and we are on her way to her apartment which is a five minute walk from the bar. Again,at this point my only real memories of this night are only snapshots,or highlights if you will.Much to my regret,I don't recall any entire conversations with this lady once we got back to her place.However,here are some of the classics that I do recall

-At one point I notice that most the pictures in the apartment are of a young girl,a child,probably no older then 8.But you could tell these pictures were from at least 20 years ago.Just to try and make conversation I ask if it was her when she was a kid.The response I got was "Nooo,its my twin sister..." So I say something to the effect of "ohh you're a twin?" and she replies "Yeah,I was.but now she's DEAAAAAAAAAD".

I IMMEDIATELY DECIDE IT IS NOT SAFE TO BE HERE.

-There were a creepy amount of candles placed in extremely awkward and just downright dangerous spots,all over the apartment.I remember her lighting one with no problem,and then struggling to light another.I didn't think much of this until she proudly proclaimed "my sister alllllllllllways does this to me.

I REALLY HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

- I remember going to the bathroom,to text my buddies back at the bar where this lady lived in case this pirate murdered me before I ever made it back to them,it was a sincere possibility.I also remember stumbling across what appeared to be a little girls room.Without a little girl in it.There were stuffed animals,children's toys,play sets,I am pretty sure I even saw a few outfits laying around the room,but no kid.Now,its easily conceivable that this lady had a kid who was staying the weekend at her fathers (although I hope no Judge would ever grant custody of a child to a woman who truly believed she was once a pirate,and that her dead twin sister was responsible for her not being able to light a candle) but the thing was,this pirate didn't so much as even mention the subject of children all night,let alone anything about her having one of her own.Whatever,just another sign that I have to make my exit very soon.

I'd simply be lying or fabricating the story if I said I remembered much more of how the rest of the night went.All I know is I remember trying to make a subtle exit more then once,and this clearly upset her.Not like in a way that was dangerous,but i think she legitimately wanted company.I've always been a sucker for a woman's tears,even one who claimed she sailed the seven seas in search of treasure.I don't know what kept me there that night,and frankly,I don't even want to speculate.All I know is i woke up in a bed with her on the couch,and made my exit promptly.I physically felt like I was not going to make it home without puking the entire way,so I did just that.I puke puke puked all the way home,got in a shower to wash the pirate and shame off me,and went to church with my grandparents,because lord knows I needed God on that morning.

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I’d like to start by saying I’m glad I never partied with Diddy. I bought his debut album No Way Out, but only to listen to the parts with. Biggie.I hung up 2pac posters on my bedroom wall on Vista street, to me Hit Em Up wasn’t just a diss song, it was a cemantical missile that could be listened to on repeat.It might’ve been because of him, that I never let another kid call me out my name, didn’t matter if they were fatter, thin, small or bald and trim. Those were real beefs. Those were real disses. Back when if you seen the wife of the trifling dude who was talking slick, it was still acceptable and expected of you to possibly spit on his misses. They told us all was fair in love and war. A terrorist group with less members than the crips drove two commercial planes into the twin towers, as a way of saying they wanted war.I was fourteen on September 11th 2001, that was probably the first day I ever thought to myself “I should probably have a gun". Because I knew itd only be a matter of time before someone eventually tried to 9/11 me, all because I shined when I wasn’t even trying, at something they’re dying to but could never be. They’d justify it with an excuse of using a variety of my past, drastically bad and tragic behaviors. Tell everyone in my community I’m a thieving bully who steals from his relatives and attacks his neighbors. They leave out the part where they robbed an old lady for petty cash just yesterday, most likely to cop a sixteenth of crystal meth, a few loose menthols, some benzos and a lemonade. Stolen valor. I live the quiet life, sike I’m an unconvicted felon who’s never been read his miranda rights and would disappear his own kin if he ever witnessed them telling.All I know is I no longer recognize this Avenue. Pretty soon there will be homeless encampments where there used to just occasionally be a bypassing addict or two.

‘Sup Dawg. Listen if that wasn’t always how we opened phone conversations with each other, I’d never have opened a formal piece of writing like that. Not at age 38. I’m a scholar afterall.

But anyways, first and foremost, happy birthday, brother. I miss you more than even I could possibly put into words. But for me, today is about celebrating your life, and all you managed to do with it,not mourn your tragic untimely passing.

I do that damn near every other day. Every morning I wake up and it has become a habit to look at the picture of us I have hanging above my desk.

Some days it’s what gets me out of bed, on the harder days it sometimes has a way of keeping me in it. Because you’re not here. Not with me in the physical form, not here to tell your kids how proud you are of them of all they are and are becoming. Your daughters going to be a teacher soon, can you believe that? Kid could have literally done anything in this world she set her mind to but she kept it so humbly grateful to be a teacher. You were as good a father as you were a friend, mentor, son, and human being. If I didn’t have so much love for you I’d be half angry at you for leaving us so soon. But since we were kids, I could never stay mad at you. You were too funny. Too much of a character, friend, brother and kind hearted dude.

I want you to know that I do my best to do for your kids and family as I know you would’ve for mine if the roles were reversed. Though they don’t need me for much, I make sure they know I’m always here for them for anything in this world they ever need and always will be. My mission in life is to see that William grows up wanting for nothing he deserves and should have. Tori doesn’t need me or anything from me, she’s better at taking care of herself than I’ll probably ever be. God, you’d be so fucking proud of those kids.

But somehow,I know you’re still with all of us at all times. Especially on days like today when we miss you most. We’re taking William to go see you up the cemetery soon, he asked. He’s in kindergarten already. I think he reads better now than you did in high school, I’m almost certain of it. By the way, I know you never read the Bible front to back,regardless of how hard and how many times you tried to convince me otherwise. But hey, I never even considered doing so and have no plans on ever carrying on with such. It’s too long of a book, plus I prefer non-fiction.

Tell God that was a joke, and I said my bad. Lord knows I need his help getting through today as much as I need yours getting through damn near every day. But I always manage. And somehow, I know one way or another, you’re a big reason why.

Happy Birthday Wag, I miss you more than I could possibly express, but I know you’ve never truly left me and never will. I love you brother. I’ll see you later.

An Open Letter To My Deceased Best Friend On His Birthday was originally published in Journal of Journeys on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I don’t know how to open this. The I’m sorries are rotten,expired, and played out.Both the public and private. The ones I published, self-published, said to your face in tears,screamed, and every single one somewhere between.

But I am sorry. Even all these years and damn near decades later. I just wish you knew how deep a place from my heart this is coming from.

Shit to be honest, I wish I wasn’t writing this. I’m tired and frankly half embarrassed of addressing a nameless (out of much earned respect) ex on the internet, on a page I’m certain she wouldn’t bother to visit. I wish she’d have one last conversation or even just listening session with me, but that dream died a lifetime ago.

It all seems like a different lifetime ago. I was different. You weren’t married or a mother. You loved me. You didn’t have so many valid reasons to dare I say hate me. I take full responsibility for all of the above. I bought it all and threw away the receipt out of thoughtlessness and reckless abandon. A regret it feels like I’ll never fully recover from and a relationship I’ll never get closure that I maybe don’t even deserve on.

You weren’t too good for me but you were too good to me. Too good to get back what I returned to you. Too good for me to take all I did from you and all the nonsense and unwarranted bullshit I gave to you both during and after the worst loss I ever have taken,which will always be you.

I guess I just wanted to say I’ll probably never fully forgive myself for all of it. For the pain and tears I caused, and for deserving you not being willing to read things such as this, or even acknowledge I’m still half alive out here somewhere.

I suppose I just wanted to let you know, I hope your happy, not the smile on the outside kind, but the kind I once seemingly was able to make you for the years it was great between us. Actually, I hope you’re happier than that. Lord knows you deserve it. Like I deserve to be dead in your eyes and mind.

But darling, I’m still living and on some days even winning. It just ain’t the kind of winning I always hoped for. Because I didn’t want to win,make it, or exist without you.

I’m definitely still existing, but some days that feels like that’s all I’ll ever be able to do without you or closure on us, is merely exist. Maybe I bought that too. Karma shows up,spins the block, and shoots until it hits its intended deserved target.

And if karma shot real bullets out of a real firearm, I am 2pac in Vegas after the Tyson fight. I’ve learned the hard way, nobody ever truly gets away with nothing. It all comes back to us, and I’ve made my peace with that. I got what I had coming, which was losing the best thing I ever had, which will always be you. There’s nothing anyone including either of us will ever be able to do to change that.

I just hope you got or in due time get everything you ever wanted and deserve. I’ll always have nothing but love for you,no matter what.

Take care, dear. And I promise to not keep doing this, consider this one last goodbye, and I’m sorry for all I tore down irrevocably, instead of helping build and build up.

Love you, girl.

The Open Letter To The Only Woman I Wish This Finds It’s Way To was originally published in Journal of Journeys on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.