Yesterday afternoon, I was informed that my job application for the undergraduate TA in the second semester was declined. As many of you may know, I was the undergraduate TA for the course Introductory Microeconomics in the first semester. Just like a normal applicant who values the job, I was really upset at first.

Usually, a company would be happy to renew the contract with a worker if the worker has performed satisfactorily. Workers’ turnover poses costs to the company. Particularly, the company has to hire new workers and train them again. A question thus popped up in my mind immediately: Did I fail to meet the standard?

I read the email again and again. The following is the extract of the email.

//I am sorry to tell you that we have decided not to offer you the UGTA job in the second semester. While I am sure you will contribute much to the teaching and learning of Intro Microeconomics, we also want to let more undergraduate students benefit from the UGTA job.

I mentioned to you about Economics Study Centre earlier. In case you are interested in helping students via the ESC, I would be happy to have you on the team of peer mentors.//

Undoubtedly, this job has helped me tremendously in the first semester. I learnt and gained a lot from it. Specifically, I even gained a postgraduate study opportunity because of it. Instead of a job, working as a TA is more like taking a course. The professor kept providing guidance and advice to me. I learnt, practised and was evaluated throughout the working period. Therefore, I believe that the professor truly wants more students to benefit as much as I did. I then told myself, the hiring decision of the professor might not be completely from the perspective of a company. He might also consider the job a lesson for undergraduate TAs. I was not hired again because I completed the “course” satisfactorily and there is no need for me to retake the “course”. I should move on to more advanced “courses” and accept some new challenges. The professor suggested me another job — working as a mentor in the newly established Economics Study Centre (Yes, it is a paid job too). A mentor will focus on helping students with their study of core economics courses, no longer limited to Introductory Microeconomics (which I taught in the first semester as a TA). The mentorship job is not in the form of class teaching, which I have enjoyed most. It could also be very challenging too because the scope of help is larger and the job nature is very different from the TA job. Yet, I am still willing to do it happily and gratefully. A new position means there are new things to learn. (You may find this thought silly and unrealistic, but this was built on my confidence in my teaching and the trust in the professor’s words.)

The rejection is a fact, but the interpretation depends on me. I felt much better after thinking in this way. I believe I can acquire new skills from the mentor position and excel in this new “course” in the next semester.

當上了ECON1210 Introductory Microeconomics的助教，第一次嘗試自己一人教四班約二十位同學的導修課，甚具挑戰。記得上第一節課時戰戰兢兢，擔心課堂表達不清晰，同學也不感興趣，而果然同學第一節課真的很冷淡。初時的我事事擔憂，有甚麼想法也不敢提出，連教材也不敢擅作改動，依書直說，但求無過。第二週教授（Dr. Wong）監堂後，直說了我很多的問題，當時的我倍感擔心，亦非常失望，那夜徹夜未眠。

其中一個教授給的意見是課堂用的簡報應該要貼合自己的教學，不應直用教材template，否則教材不屬於自己便會表達生硬，沒有充足準備亦會令課堂詳略失宜。這個意見看似簡單，但我確實花了很多時間去思考。當時亦想起了面試時問他當助教除了Presentation skill，還需要有甚麼Quality，他提到Organization skill。可能一個人的英文很好，表達沒有問題，但如果欠缺Organization skill，教書時便會跳來跳去，內容不連貫之餘亦會拖慢進度。Presentation skill與Organization skill雖然有關係，但卻有細微但重要的分別。

之後的課堂，我都重新整理一次教材，內容豐富和實用了，亦加了一些有趣的例子，同學上課有時都會笑一下。客觀上，雖然導修課的簡報template會上載給同學，但仍然收到很多同學電郵希望可以拿到我堂上使用的簡報，令我感到每星期苦苦備課也非白費，至少學生能察覺我的付出。

期中考試前後多了很多同學發電郵及到office問問題，這期間與很多同學熟絡了。他們有時會發電郵跟我分享考試的壓力、開心與失望。遇到擔心的同學，通常我都會先鼓勵他們。能進港大的學生質素應該不會差，很多時都只是欠缺自信，加上一年級剛轉換環境，有點不知所措。老師的鼓勵和信任其實對同學提升學習動力有很大幫助。有不少同學初時跟不上，功課都是抄回來，這種同學有些會自動找你幫忙，有些則隱藏了不敢找你，所以要從他們的堂課練習找他們出來。與這些學生多了溝通，他們有困難時便會找你幫忙，有些同學甚至慢慢能夠自己找到讀書方法，並嘗試理解和跟上進度，最後進步很大，經常寫很多感謝電郵給我。

雖然付出很多心機和時間幫他們補課，同學覺得你能幫忙，對你的觀感會很好，但後來反思這種做法錯了。有些同學因為莊務走了堂，有些同學上堂跟不上，各種原因找我補課。起初我都花很多時間跟他們從頭講一遍，其實這是過份縱容學生，令學生沒有先嘗試自己理解內容，過份依賴補課。所以後來，想找我補課的同學，我都會要求他們先理解筆記內容，然後交一份Summary給我，知道他有認真複習過再為他們講解忽略或誤解的概念。這樣既可以幫到他們追回課程，也能培養他們自學能力，適應將來大學生活。

另一個心得是學生對於老師能記得他們的名字會很高興。因為只有八十個學生，每次收堂課練習時，我都會記一下他們的名字，常發電郵給我或問書的學生我也會記一下。學生來問書時，如果不用問他們名字就能找回他的堂課練習跟他分析問題，他們會特別高興和驚訝。其實也不用特別花時間刻意去背，只是收功課時多看一眼，這樣也幫助我找到一直跟不上進度的學生。

期中試過後有位考得非常差的學生問我下學期會不會再留下來教，我說自己的合約是一個學期而已，如果我教出來的學生個個都不努力，學校也不會想我留低。然後他表達了對我課堂的讚賞，並希望我能繼續留下來，他說為了讓我能繼續教，他會認真讀書。當時聽了有點感動，但確實也半信半疑他是否說說罷了。沒想到，他真的每星期都來找我問書，複習之前的課題。雖然他的成績仍然很危險，昨天也為他和他的朋友補了課，但他是其中一個令我印象很深刻的學生。

課堂上還有一件意想不到的趣事。在教Externality一課時用了自己做例子，放了一張中學的照片，被一位師弟認出了。他和另外兩位朋友一直都是坐第一排的學生，雖然經常因為莊務繁重而在堂上小睡片刻，但也是聰明的學生，成績問題不大。他們每次都在堂上問問題留到最後才離開，後來亦有邀約我在12：30的堂後吃午飯。（註：已經注意了Conflict of interest，另外他們也知道我不會負責改卷。）可能因為我也是學生的關係，學生比較能沒有隔膜地與你溝通或找你幫忙，大概這也算是一個Undergraduate TA的教學優勢。

這個學期工作順利也是因為有好的同事幫忙。有一班既是同學又是同事的朋友，我常向他們請教。大家亦有在閒時說笑，相處得很愉快。大學上課沒有固定位置，一班百餘人，課堂上比中學時更難認識朋友。但現在大家都會到Office工作和做功課，大家多了穩定的連繫，更容易成為朋友，這是申請工作時沒有意料到的。

學期末，幾位學生碰到我時都說在Evaluation給了我很高分（但還不知道Response rate和整體分數），但更高興的是收到不少用心打了很多字的感謝電郵，亦有學生手寫了感謝字條給我。現在回想起初幾節課表現不好，同學對課堂不感興趣，到後來聽了教授的意見調整，同學的態度完全改變了，有種奇妙的感覺，亦很感謝他初時的批評，令我有如何改變的方向。後來的課雖稱不上盡善盡美，但至少從學生堂上的反應和課後的肯定，得到很大安慰，這個學期在教學的努力沒有白費。最後一節課學生跟我道別時（這是他們的用詞），其實也捨不得他們。

初嘗教學體驗，有很多事情都在摸索，仍有很多需要思考的地方，但這學期令我對將來的工作目標更堅定。

這篇文章只是有感而發，旨在記錄此刻的感覺和與學生零碎的片段，寫上來有點散亂。寫文時也想起在中大當數學系助教的朋友，大家亦同樣想將來在中學任教，分享了這篇文章給他，希望他能在文中教到一些工作上的共鳴。

（寫於二零一八年十二月六日凌晨。）