What is your biggest story in 2016?

One word: Fulfilment.

I have to admit, I am generally fulfilled and happy all the time — to a point where people often ask me why am I so happy all the time or why am I seem so motivated all the time.

But in 2016, I truly feel what it is like to not be fulfilled or also known as, waking up in the morning feeling purposeless.

As I was sipping my favourite espresso while writing this, I look back and realised I was truly grateful that I was able to go through that phase of realisation. So what was the realisation and my biggest story of 2016?

TL;DR version: I accepted a job in a telco in May 2016 and I left within 3 months. Continue reading if you want to know more.

So earlier this year (April 2016), I decided to take a plunge into the corporate world — I got a job as a Senior HR Strategy and Special Projects. It was definitely a great opportunity for me as the role was challenging, interesting, and out of my comfort zone (something new). Also, this role allows me to fulfilled my long time desire to be in a consultant role. So, why not, right?

I could not ask for more in this job. The telco was a progressive and future-thinking organization — from its future direction and vision to its leaders. I was working directly with the CHRO, given the opportunity to lead a large scale project, and most importantly, be given the trust to make decisions right off the first month of my job.

If it is all so beautiful, full of rainbow and unicorn, what could possibly make me leave in 3 months?

As I was committing more time and energy into work, I realised something amiss. Important things in my life were slipping off my finger tips — my coaching business, my gym/sports time, my family time, and most importantly, my goals. This realisation makes waking up in the morning a chore, something I have not experienced in my life to the point even my partner realised that. I was questioning, why am I in this state?

Why am I in this state?

1. My value was breached

As much as growth and learning are both part of my core value, I noticed a more important value for me has been breached — Time. Being in the job has taken away my ownership over my own time, and thus, the choices that I make. This reminded me again on how important my values are for me. This is not the first time I have realised that I am feeling unfulfilled because my values was breached. Read more about my previous experience here.

2. My long term goal is not aligned to what I am doing now

The moment I took up this job offer, I knew of the consequences that would come with it. I gave it a try as I do believe that in order for me to reach my long term goal, this job could give me a great experience.I was having the limiting belief that I need a corporate title and experience in my profile to be considered a great coach. However, being in the role for 3 months has taught me that it is not true. This job could not give me a picture of the compelling future that I want. In that moment, I recalled this quote from Tony Robbins.

“Be fixed on your goal, but not your approach.”

That awareness led me to knowing that this job is not for me. However, the biggest hurdle is the decision. To quit or not to quit.

You have not truly decide if you are not taking action.

So, I chose to decide AND take action. I quit, on my third month. I would be lying if I say I was not afraid of that decision.

• What if people judge me and say I left because I was not good enough?
• What if people say I left because I am not willing to step out of my comfort zone?
• What if people (and my new friends in the telco) reject me because I am not part of them anymore?
• What if I am not good enough to get a better job?
• What if all my close friends and family around me judge my capability?

It was not easy. Fear of judgement, fear of not being good enough, fear of being rejected — these were all creeping in my mind. But I found out that all the questions were about external validation, and I know, external validation is not a sustainable source of motivation. I decided to ask my internal self.

Why is quitting the job important for me?

Do all these fears grow me or stop me from living my true self?

Am I in control of my happiness and fulfilment in life?

Will I regret if I do not quit and continue to wake up feeling purposeless?

The answers to these questions helped me to decide. My journey after I quit has been nothing but beautiful. In less than 6 months, I have:

1. Increased the number of my coaching clients by 50%.
2. Coached and spoke in more events than the whole of first 6 months of 2016.
3. Trained and mentored by Britain’s #1 Hypnotherapist, Marisa Peer and drastically improve my coaching practices.
4. Hypnotised 20 people within 3 months and learned to cure people out of phobias, fears, stuttering, and confidence.
5. Spent more time building my coaching business and started Life Redesigned.
6. Got invited to speak in Tedx.
7. Body fat reduced to 16% (though have since plateau after I got back from travel)

Do I know I will achieve all these when I decide to quit? No. But I know one thing for sure, if I don’t, I will be miserable. As 2017 approaches and you are making new year resolutions (or manifesto as my good friend call it), I invite you to answer these few questions before deciding on your goals:

1. Why is this goal important to you?

Your goal will only last if your motivation for the goal is intrinsically motivated — a motivation that comes from a deep desire to achieve it. Ask yourself, is this goal as important to me now as it will be one year from now? If yes, do it. If no, think of another goal. No, there is no maybe. DECIDE.

2. How would my life be different if I work towards this goal?

Achieving the goal is good, but knowing that you are progressing on a daily basis is amazing. Ask yourself, how would you feel different if you are working toward this goal? What aspect of your life will be positively impacted just by taking action and progressing in achieving this goal?

Progress is key, not perfection.

3. Is there a different way for me to achieve this goal?

As I realised earlier, you can be fixed on your goal but not the approach. Be flexible on the approach towards your goal. So ask, how else can I achieve this goal? Is there a better way for me to achieve this goal? Most importantly, most people have the same new year goal/resolutions every year. It is important for you to think of different ways of achieving your goal.

As 2017 is approaching, I wish you an amazing 2017 ahead, and remember, the time and year are created by human. Do not have a goal for the sake of the new year, have a goal for yourself.

Have a goal for yourself who has the choice to design your own successes.

To a great 2017!

About The Author

KarFei is a certified Leadership and Performance Coach for individuals and organizations. Since 2010, he has coached, mentored and trained more than ten thousand young working individuals across 25 countries in different continents, startups, and top organizations such as McKinsey, IBM, MaGIC, World Economic Forum, Tropicana Group, Schindler, Ingram Micro, Mindvalley, and others.

His insights and thoughts are reflection of his experiences and learning in coaching multiple startups, and entrepreneurs. His strengths lie in his ability to help his clients to turn thoughts into actions, to take action and progress in different aspects of their lives. KarFei aims to help people to create breakthrough and win in their game of life through Life Redesigned Co.

How do I sustain and keep my motivation up all the time?

Though it is not the first time for me to get this question, I am still very much baffled and find it hard to answer this question. And me being the curious self, I looked, read, observed, and reflect on all my clients and teams that I have coached and asked myself, “What makes them such a high performing individuals/teams?”

As I dug deeper, I realized the problem. The problem is not in motivation, the problem is in momentum.

Before I go into it, let’s understand the difference between motivation and momentum.

Motivation: Reason for someone to act/behave in a certain way; a general desire and willingness for someone to do something.

Momentum: Force, or speed of movement; the driving force gained by the development of a process or course of an event.

So, now let’s get into the core of the issue.

1. Motivation is feeling; Momentum is action.

We have all been there. Recall the time when you were super-charged, highly motivated? Which part of your body that you feel the most? Most likely, heart.

That is a good sign, it gives you the good feeling and the positive feeling that you really wanted something, and wanting to do something.

However, the challenge is that most of the time, what we want to do is not something that we can do right away.

You are motivated to get back into a healthy and fitness regime. You get that motivation as it is New Year, and you made that a resolution. Or you have seen a couple of friends who got fitter and fitter and you do not want to lose out. You are on FIRE.

With that motivation on the spot, you start to think of what to do; which gym to sign up for, which fitness routine you want to learn, online searching of all the eating clean habits and recipes, and the list goes on and on.

Suddenly you realized you have work the next day.

You might not be able to check out the gym you are considering to sign up. The more you read online about eating clean, the more confused you get. Little did you know, you are doing less and less. Heck, you don’t even remember the feeling that motivates you in the beginning.

Sounds familiar?

Yes, motivation dies off.

2. You are not lacking in motivation, you are lacking in momentum.

Progress only happens when motion exists; and motion is the results of actions.

If you have the motivation to go to the gym daily, but you did not plan your work to end on time, then the motivation is pointless.

If you have the motivation to wake up early, but your routine is to sleep at 2AM, it is then pointless to “keep/sustain your motivation”.

So, what is the implication here? Is motivation useless?

The answer is no.

Motivation is a good start, it at least gives you a good feeling to want to do something.

It is just unfortunate that we emphasize too much on the need for motivation to keep us going.

Motivation gets us wanting to start, action gets us started, momentum gets us closer.

In short, do not spend too much time thinking of your motivation to do things.

We spent too much time thinking that we need motivation to succeed. We were never so wrong.

Look at the diagram above, if I were to ask you, where does your goal sits? Would it be:

a) Motivation → Goal/Success; or

b) Motivation → Action and Momentum → Goal/Success; or

c) Motivation → Action and Momentum → Goal/Success → Motivation.

If you rely on (a), you are most likely doomed.

3. Motivation keeps you in fear; momentum gets you out of fear.

Remember a time when you were so fired up to start on a project? You were on fire, and so motivated to get started.

You were talking enthusiastically about it. You were sharing it with so much joy and belief. You started to write down your ideas and your plans.

2 hours later …

You realized you need more resources to get started.

You realized you have to travel for work the next week, or an assignment due.

You thought it will be hard to convince your family about this pet project of yours.

Everything suddenly seems more difficult. Fear starts to creep in from all corners — top, down, left, right, centre.

So the question is, is it motivation that you are lacking here? You tell me ;)

It is not that we lack motivation, but we allow fear to overcome us. Our goal is then not to sustain motivation, but to overcome the fear that is creeping up on us.

Face the fear head on, or start with incremental steps. There is ALWAYS a small step towards your goal, take that first.

One of my friend is probably the worse outdoor person I have ever known. To get her to jog/run for 100 meter will probably cause her to be breathless for the next 10 minutes (no kidding).

So in that case, I can either get her to start jogging, or not to do it at all. But she was determined to overcome it.

She started with really slow walk on the treadmill for 5 mins a day for 4 times a week. The following week, faster pace for the same duration. The following week, same pace, increased duration.

We repeated the whole process for 2 months. She can now jog for 40 minutes, at the pace of 7.5 km/h.

World record? Way off. Great achievement for her? Hell yes!

If she would have relied on her motivation to job, she is probably now still out of breathe after the 100 meter.

But she relied on the power of momentum. Week in week out, she faced her fear, and take actions towards them. With the momentum, it creates the positive feeling that helps her to keep going.

What is on the other side of fear? Nothing. Everything is what we choose to play in our head.

So what helps high performer to be at their peak all the time?

One thing for sure, high performers have their own down time as well. We choose to see what we want to see, but not knowing that there are a lot of things happening at the same time that we might not see.

High performers choose to determine their own motivation.

They work, they hustle, they practice to create the momentum that ignites their motivation.

They do not wait for motivation to find them.

High performers build habits and cadence that stick.

Do the same thing, at the same time, at the same place. Stick to it and make it a habit that lasts.

High performers know they are accountable.

They know the company depends on them. They know that they are accountable to their fans, their investors, their directors. They ultimately hold themselves accountable.

So the next time when you feel yourself saying, “I need motivation to keep going” or “I do not have the motivation to do”, try to ask yourself this simple question:

What is the one action I can work on right now (immediately in the next 5 minutes) towards my goal?

How much did you spend?

And this time, having just came back from a 15-days trip to Japan, I got this question.

How much did you spend on your skiing and snowboarding trip in Hokkaido?

This is how the conversation went.

Friend (F): It’s seems like you had a lot of fun in Niseko, skiing and snowboarding. I wish I can do the same. How much did you spend?

Me (M): Hmmm.. I think about USD $1000.

F: Whatttt?!!! That’s a lot of money for 3 days of skiing and snowboarding. You know I can use that money to buy a lot of things, right?

M: Yeah, but the experience is really amazing. Learning new things, and being able to do something different with my gf. Albeit we did suffer because of the ski and snowboarding boots (which is a real pain to our feet as first timer)

F: See! Why would someone pay so much to torture themselves? Lol!

M: Well, you have a point. But at least I’m happy at the end of it.

F: Yeah, buying new bags, watches, will make me happy too. And I can buy a few of them with that amount of money.

M: How long can the happiness lasts for you? Do you still remember the last time when you bought something and were really happy about it? Are you still happy about it now?

F: Well, few weeks maybe, or a few months.

M: Exactly. What I paid for my skiing and snowboarding experience can last me a life time. Or at the least, I can still recall that memory and laugh about how I fall on my ass or headed right straight into the 1-meter powder-like snow and can barely stand back up.

F: Hahaha!! Well, I can recall the time I buy stuffs too isn’t it?

M: You’re right. However, 50 years down the road, your grandchildren will not ask you how it feels like to buy something. But I’m pretty damn sure if my grandchildren ask me if skiing or snowboarding is fun, I will be able to have a good one hour long conversation with them.

F: ….

One of the value that I want to live by in the future as a role model to my kids is to experience life. And to me, traveling is an essential way to do it.

I made it a point to cut my expenses in various aspects of my life to cover for my travel. My girlfriend and I commit to travel to at least 2 countries a year. It is not that we are rich (that’s what a lot people say when they see us travel so much). It’s just that we have made a commitment to ourselves.

Go out and travel the world. Experience life. Live with a story to tell and then leave the world one day knowing you have shared a story.

P/S: the friend booked a flight ticket to Myanmar the day after our conversation.

2015's resolutions might have been a hit or miss (I congratulate you if you’ve hit your 2015 goals, even hitting one is a great achievement) but as you make your 2016 resolutions, have you thought of how to make it better so that your year will be more powerful?

Here are 7 tips that I’ll be using and practicing to live my 2016 powerfully.

1. Practice mindfulness and gratitude.

Throughout the end of 2015, I started practicing meditation and the results have be phenomenal.

I’ve not been a fan of mediation and mindfulness all this while as I thought it’s too slow pace for me (I’m a very fast paced and active person — my brain can’t slow down) but I told myself to give it a try.

I got started with Headspace, and I’ve been loving it.

It’s a simple and short 10-minutes guided meditation for anyone.

I start my day with meditation and end the meditation with a short 5-minute gratitude visualization exercise. In the last 5 minutes, I asked myself these 3 questions:

1. What are the 3 things I’m most grateful for today?
2. What are the 3 things that I’ll do today to make it a powerful day?
3. What is the end of the day that I want to have and how can I create it?

Try this and you’ll notice how your day will be positively charged.

2. Build a cadence.

We all live in a very busy world. We are all connected yet disconnected; our priorities are more often than not being determined by what others tell us; and we are so used to be busy but not progressing.

Building a cadence in our lives allow us to get shit done and progress instead of just being busy.

Building a cadence also requires commitment to stick to it. It is difficult to start in the beginning, but once you’ve started it for a week or so, it gets easier.

An example of cadence that I’ve build for the past few months:

Monday and Wednesday, 7–9PM: My gym time. Once I blocked it off on my calendar, no meetings or anything should be prioritized higher than this; unless of course something really urgent.

Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, 9–1030AM: Coaching sessions. With this cadence, I don’t need to go to my calendar every time a client wants to schedule our calls. I know it right away my allocated time for my clients and will propose the time for them right away. This also helps me to avoid scheduling meetings and appointments at the same time.

Thursday night: Movie time. My movie time with my girlfriend has been set for every Thursday night. No meetings, no coaching; this time is entirely blocked for personal time.

Start to build your cadence with ONE thing at a time. It could be a passion or hobby that you want to start working on. Or it could be the side start up project that you’ve always wanted to do.

What is that one thing that you really want to commit to?

3. Set yourself a challenge every 30 days.

A year will pass by really fast. A challenge every 30 days is only equivalent to 12 challenges for the whole 2016. Pretty easy isn’t? ;)

A challenge every 30 days does not need to be huge challenge like climbing Mount Everest or be a millionaire in 30 days.

Your New Year resolution could be to climb Mount Everest in 2016. Your first challenge (depending on your current progress) could be to hike 4 mountains in progressive timing in 30 days.

On the other hand, your 30-day challenge could be non-related to your resolution too. It could be to say thank you to your colleague before you leave work every day for 30 days, or to talk to a stranger on the way to work every day for 30 days.

This 30-day challenge is not a random challenge. It’s just a simple way to challenge yourself to do things that you’ve always been afraid to do or wanting to do but not doing it.

We all strive on solving challenges/problems. They teach us so much and will be able to give us so much satisfaction and fulfillment at the end of the challenge.

Share with me what is your first 30-day challenge?

4. Connect. Be present

You are only as successful and powerful as the people you surround yourself with.

What I’m going to say here will be controversial, but I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

We have a lot of friends in our lives, but we forgot that not all friends are made equal.

Some are friends who you believe will grow together; some are old friends who you’re happy to have to reminisce old times and happy memories: and some friends are just as good as hi-bye friends.

So, categorize your friends wisely and choose to spend more time and connect with friends that help you to grow as a person.

Remember, it’s ok to be selective on who you want to spend time connecting with.

Not all friends are created equal and not all friends are meant to be forever friends.

When you have the friends who you really want to spend time with, then be present. Give them your time and give them your attention. Be curios and really ask and listen about them and their stories. Share new knowledge and learn from each other.

As much as we are connected in many many ways (Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, Telegram, etc), we are pretty much disconnected with people around us that matter.

So, connect and be present.

5. Manage your finances.

We live in a time where debts are on the rise. A young fresh grad could have accumulated thousands of debts from study loan, car loan, insurance, etc.

This is also the time where we were told what we need to buy, not what we want to buy (thank you very much social media and peer pressure).

If you want your 2016 to be as powerful as your life can be, you do not want to mismanage your finances.

Start by allocating certain portion of your income as your emergency fund (it will save you in the future, I bet all my savings on this), another portion as savings, and you can work on your finances on that. A good benchmark for emergency fund is that it has to be no less than 6 months of your gross income.

I have emergency fund, savings, travel fund, learning fund, and personal fund. Feel free to create your own fund for your own needs ;)

6. Take good care of your health.

No, I don’t mean eating clean or cook everything clean yourself.

Your health is a combination of the nutrition in your body, physical health and mental health (this is covered in #1).

If you can take care of your health, you have all the energy in the world to do anything you want.

I’m not a fitness or nutrition expert, but I do experiment with different types of healthy practices. You should also look for something to try and see how it helps you.

From bulletproof coffee, to paleo, to intermittent fasting, each of them has their own benefits and disadvantages. Read them up or try them yourself. Or talk to me. I’ve tried a few of them or known a few but yet to try. I’ll be trying intermittent fasting in 2016 ;)

Lastly, exercise. As we work harder and hustle even more, this often gets deprioritize. A simple 30-minute workout can help you to destress and regain the focus you need to get shit done.

7. Find a role model, mentor or a coach.

You will not be as powerful as you want to be without a role mode, mentor or a coach.

8 years ago, I’ve starts to truly know what I want and take action towards it is because of all the role models in my life. I want to be like them and I want to emulate them. That’s my motivation to hustle and to go crazy in my goals.

Today, I learn from the best coaches around the world so that I can be a successful coach. I have a coach that helps me to gain clarity and take action towards my desired vision of my life.

Sometimes, to be successful and powerful, all we need is a person to kick our ass; that person can be anyone that can play a role as a role model, mentor or a coach.

Look around you. You’ll have access to someone like this easily. Make full use of them.

These 7 tips are extremely doable immediately. Start making your 2016 as powerful and as successful as you want it to be. You deserve more than you think.

Just so that all these are not just lost and stored only in my mind, I’ve decided to list down my gratitude list for 2015.

1. I’m grateful that I’m alive — Yes, I’m extremely grateful to have lived 2015.
2. I’m grateful that 2015 marks the beginning of the 8th year of my relationship.
3. I’m grateful that I’ve fulfilled my goal to travel to 3 countries a year.
4. I’m grateful that I managed to check off my bucket list to bring my girlfriend to Switzerland.
5. I’m grateful that my girlfriend and I fulfilled our promise to go back to Japan.
6. I’m grateful that my parents are alive and healthy.
7. I’m grateful that I finally managed to attend a seminar by Tony Robbins.
8. I’m grateful that I’ve managed to double the number of coaching clients that I have.
9. I’m grateful for I am selected to lead the Global Shapers Community Kuala Lumpur Hub.
10. I’m grateful that I’ve read 12 books in 2015. 50% off from my goal, but I will do next year.
11. I’m grateful to be able to level up my coaching skills and be certified as a leadership coach by one of the world’s most sought after leadership coach, Marshall Goldsmith.
12. I’m grateful to be checking off my bucket list to learn to ski and snowboard (will be doing it later in the evening).
13. I’m grateful that to be paid to do what I love and what I’m good at.
14. I’m grateful that to work in one of the best workplace in the world (votes by Inc), Mindvalley.
15. I’m grateful that I finally managed to own a property.
16. I’m grateful for all the friends around me that I managed to keep and connect.
17. I’m grateful for all the new friends that I’ve met.
18. I’m grateful for all the opportunities in 2015. From coaching in MaGIC SE Bootcamp to conducting coaching for the world’s #1 IT distributer, to various start ups.
19. I’m grateful that I’ve represented Kuala Lumpur to be in World Economic Forum.
20. I’m grateful that I’ve failed, more than once.

As 2015 is coming to an end, what are you most grateful about?

How has 2015 been for you and how can 2016 be better?

Every thing in our minds come from all the information that we receive on a constant basis in our daily lives. We receive more than 2 million bits of information every second, and those information creates the thoughts we have in our mind.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), our minds play tricks with us. We are only able to retain less than 4% of our experiences and memories while the rest moved on to your subconscious mind. Don’t trust me? Remember the last time when you were holding your keys or wallet on your hand but you kept searching for it? That is exactly what happens when we are overloaded with information.

1. Start with identifying the source of your thoughts.

Where do your thoughts came from? How do the thoughts made you feel? Positive or more negative?

Also, identify thoughts that are actually within your control and those which are not.

2. List down all the negative thoughts that you want to change.

You can only change what you decide to change. Choose the top 3 thoughts that you would like to change and write it down.

Use this simple trick to decide if they are actually the top 3 thoughts that are so important that you want to work on them.

1. Are you in control of the thought, situation/context/issue?
   As there are so many thoughts going through your mind, you need to learn to define the locus of control of the situation.
   There is no point in changing something that is not within our control (in which is our innate human behavior — blaming or giving excuses to external parties).
2. Is the thought stopping you from moving forward?
   Spend your time and focus on changing thoughts which are needed to help you to move forward. Really really give this question a thought. This will help you to decide to change your thought which is stopping you from making important financial decisions or just being disagreeable with a friend on a political topics. Either option is fine, but make sure you are choosing an option that grows you :)

If the answer to both the questions above are a sounding YES, then do list the thoughts down as something that you want to change.

Your thoughts shape your intention.

Clarify Your Intention

Whatever goes though your mind essentially sets the precedent for your intention. Your intention answers the question of, “What do I really want?”

This step is really powerful as it will defines what you will manifest and achieve. We have all experienced moments where we constantly whisper to ourselves “Please do not let this happen to me” or years ago while in university, you wished so hard that your lecturer will not call your name and pick you out but she just did.

Is it luck? I doubt so. When you have certain thoughts on your mind, you automatically set the intention to the world through various means that you are not aware of.

Your pupil dilated. Your lips became tense. Your face became red. Your body shrinks.

That is how your lecture is able to locate you easier and call you out.

Similarly in our life, once we are able to decide on the thoughts that we want to change, we can then set our intention to change them.

How?

Based on the 3 thoughts that you want to change, these 2 questions will help you to do just that.

1. Where am I and how has these thoughts affected me?
   Define where you are now because of the thoughts. How has the thoughts affected you in any way right at this moment in time.
   Example: If you just came out of an really awful discussion/meeting with your team, ask yourself, how has this affected me? How has this thought affected my team? Where are we now after the meeting? Are we still at the same starting point as we are before the meeting or has it gone worse?
2. What can I do to move forward?
   This is a simple formula to set the right intention. Ask yourself what can I change or what can I do now to progress.
   Our thoughts (analysis-paralysis) often cloud our judgement to move forward. By being conscious of this question, we start to move from a problem-oriented to solution-oriented state of mind.

Your intention creates Actions.

Create Your Action

The only way that situations will change is only when you decide to take action. Taking action is tough. Because it requires a lot of energy to start, and sometimes a bit of letting down our ego to take action.

Here is the A.C.T. Model that will help you to decide which action to take.

A: Action

What is the one action that you can do/take immediately to make sure you can progress?

You will need to list down a specific action to answer this question.

C: Consequences

What is/are the consequences to the situation if you take the action above?

By consequences, it does not mean negative consequences. It is the positive ripple effect that you assume would happen when you take the action above.

Time: Timeliness

When can you complete the action that you have decided above? Now? Later in an hour? Tomorrow?

This last element is crucial as it will define if you are going to take action or not. The longer you have to wait to take action, the more reasons you can give yourself to procrastinate.

Lastly, once you have listed down a series of actions that you can take, rate each of the A.C.T. in terms of its impact.

A: How comfortable are you with taking this action? If it is a 5, that means you are comfortable and you feel good about this action.

C: How positive is this consequences? If it is a 5, that means it is an action that is a game changer.

T: How quickly can I take this action? If it is a 5, that means it is an action that you can do right NOW (you can make it happen in less than 10 seconds).

If the action scores the highest, it is an indication that you should start with that action first.

You can have multiple actions that you can take to solve a specific thought, hence this rating will help you define which to take first. This gives you a kickstart in terms of really turning your negative thoughts into a more empowering thoughts and actions.

For every thoughts that you want to change, you are required to go through Step 1 to Step 3.

These 3 simple steps will be able to help you in living a life of empowering thoughts rather than a life full of negativity (complaints, inaction, procrastination, indecisive, and others).

Remember, your life will only change when you truly take actions.

“Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”- Anthony Robbins

Your life has been conditioned by society. Your perception of what you need to be successful, your idea of how a business should be like or the ideal relationship that you should have are results of societal conditioning.

All of these because of ONE simple thing that we want in life: Success.

How you define success is entirely up to you. Your definition of success is fully defined by the reality in your mind. I have talked about this before in my previous post here.

In your journey towards success, you may encounter some common myths which could be holding you back.

Myth 1: You want happiness.
Truth: You are chasing for progress and growth.

That is right. Everyone wants happiness. However, the truth is that it is not happiness that you are chasing after but instead it is growth that you craved for. Happiness is a byproduct. It is not something that we can chase, obtain, catch, or grasp.

Happiness is a process of BEING; a state in which you can BE in only when you are growing.

You might have been through this or have seen people going through this in relationships. If you ask anyone who has been in a relationship long enough the question, “How do you sustain the relationship?” More than 80% will agree that their other halves are significant to them because of something in their partners that make them complete and grow together.

“You have two choices of what to do with anything life (or your partner) gives you. You can either punish yourself or your partner with it, suffer, and feel pain, or you can decide to learn from it and apply it to your future. Choose the second option — learning, adapting, and enjoying is what we are designed for! When you have conflicts or misunderstandings with your partner, choose to learn, appreciate, embrace differences, and change your approach. This is the path of ultimate growth!” — Tony Robbins

Myth 2: You want freedom.
Truth: You want the FEELING of being free.

Everyone talks about being financially free or the freedom of time (having more time). In reality, you are craving for the feeling that you have when you are free and not the freedom itself. See, we never really have complete freedom.

As a kid, your parents are probably taking care of you full for your well being. As a university student, you would imagine yourself to be free but financial restrictions kept you from unrestrained freedom.

Going into your career, you think of yourself as a financially free adult but you are bound to supporting your parents, financing your insurance, student loans and much more.

Total freedom was never truly there. Hence you crave for the feeling of having the said freedom.

If freedom is what you are looking for, try to look around you at the people whom you looked up to. Think about Elon Musk, Warren Buffet or even the late Steve Jobs.

Each of them have the time and money to do whatever they wanted to but what did they choose to do?

You know it well. They continue to hustle daily, making a difference in the things they loved doing.

They find freedom building products that make a difference or revolutionary ideas worth pursuing.

This is something that you can learn from these role models.

They understand that the feeling of freedom is achieved through relentless purse of something worth waking up to.

Our need for freedom is a myth.

Look for ways to search for the feeling of being free. The feeling of being free could simply mean volunteering in a shelter home every weekend or spending 2–4 hours a day after work to build your own start up.

Remember that; do not try to achieve freedom. It does not exist.

Look for the feel good factor in things that you do. That will be more worthwhile than searching for freedom.

Myth 3: Your goals are your stepping stones for a better future.
Truth: You want affirmation and certainty.

“I will get a good job if I study well and get into Harvard University”.

“I will have to save for 5 years before I can start my own business”.

Both are amazing goals to have but they have blinded and tricked you into believing that you can only achieve your desired life only when you achieve certain goals. That is what killing so many of my clients. They were made to believe that only by working for 3 years in the company do they deserve a promotion or raise. That is pretty much crap.

Why would that happen? The need for affirmation and certainty.

Telling yourself that you need to save for 5 years before starting your own business gives you the affirmation and certainty that the business will DEFINITELY happen after 5 years because you have saved for it.

Fact: It will only DEFINITELY happen if you start doing it NOW.

Attaching your end goals to some other goals will only take away the compelling reasons to achieve your end goal. STOP DOING THAT. It does not serve you.

Affirmation and certainty are only achieved by taking small steps. Small steps to start the progress that slowly builds up your momentum. I call that “Positive Momentum”.

Once you managed to gain that small positive momentum, it will be a positive spiral that injects that drive and push towards your goals.

Don’t get me wrong; there was a moment of pain, and a gazillion (ok, I exaggerated) of “What can I do if I accept it?” thought which ran through my mind the moment I said the big word “NO” to the potential client.

To accept or to reject this contract has been in my mind for awhile after the initial discussion and after the trial and error phase of the project.

$10,000 is a huge amount for a side project I must admit. 40 hours of work per month for 6 months. I could have pay for a lot of things in my life; got my vacation covered, or savings for my house renovation, or heck, I could even check of my bucket list of paying for my parents’ all expense trip to Europe with that pay. But I did not.

You must be thinking, “Who in a sane mind would reject that kinda pay?!!”

Yes, me. I just did.

Why would I do that?

1. It was not a “Fuck Yes” moment.

You know those time when making a decision was such a breeze? That feeling that hits you straight and the decision was right there? It was so easy that you will want to say yes right away?

Yeap, this contract was not that. It was a project with a lot of uncertainties in mind. There were more moments of “Should I, Should I Not?” than moment of conviction. Conviction whereby I knew this is exactly what I want and will do for this project. Conviction whereby I knew exactly what and how I could contribute 101% for the project.

For me, Fuck Yes is an important aspect in my decision making. It reflects my conviction, commitment, and persistence in making things happen for the project. It is also directly proportionate to the effort that I will put in. Why are these important?

Attitude + Effort = MASSIVE Results

Fuck Yes is something that we always look for in life. We want to work on meaningful careers that will make us willingly put in the extra effort to make things happen. We want to live a life where we are committed to do something and happily doing it. Those are fuck yeses.

Recall moments when we accepted and committed to things that were not a fuck yes? Yes we learn, but if feels pretty shitty, no?

What if, we learn to accept things and only do it if it is a fuck yes? Even if we know it could go wrong, but we are willing to give a fuck yes to it and give the best shot?

Start living a life of fuck yeses. Nothing less, because you deserve the best that you can get. It will change your perspectives and change the way you life your live and experiences.

2. It does not contribute to my goal.

For any of you who know me, my BHAG is to coach 1 million people around the world. Don’t ask me how, but I know I can and I will.

Having coached, mentored, and trained more than 10,000 young people around the world, people do look for me for perspectives, consultancy and advisory on projects and programs related to young people. This project is one of them .

The project does compensate me quite well financially, but it contributes close to nothing to my ultimate goal. This struck me because how often did we say we have goals but we make decisions and actions which are against or not related to our ultimate goals? It’s pretty sad to see that happen, isn’t it?

We make more and more decisions and actions on our day to day life that were not related to our goals and ultimately they suck up so much of our energy and time. When that happens, we start to live a life of “What ifs?”.

What if I did not make the choice back then? What if I make that decision differently back then?

Start to actually live your goals. Don’t just talk about it. Be mindful and conscious about it; write it down and paste it all over your room. Make decisions congruent to your goals. Take small steps. Your goals might change along the way, but that is OK. What matters is that YOU worked on it instead of giving excuses.

3. It did not motivate me.

Well, at least not at this point of time.

I am a firm believer of doing things because they really motivate you or because they are align with your values.

My motivation has always been a key driver in what I do. For me, my motivation has mainly revolves around my purpose, or Ikigai.

Ikigai is a Japanese concept,whereby it means “the reason of being”.

I am excited and motivated by my reason of being; To coach people so that they are capable of elevating their being for a better and purposeful life.

Recall, how many times have we spent saying things like, “This does not motivate me” or “I am demotivated, I can’t do this anymore”.

This is exactly the reason why I said no to the project. If I can’t wake up every day feeling excited and wanting to get my hands on the project right away, something is wrong. And I don’t want to live my life that way.

Ask yourself, what motivates you to wake up this morning to get to work? What motivates you to stand strong despite all the challenges you faced? Would you wake up and do the same thing for the next few years? If the answer is no, time to make a change.

Motivation, just like passion, is not born. It is experienced. Don’t go looking for it, but go and experience it. Your experiences are in direct relation to knowing what really motivates you. Do more, grow more, live a life.

The main reason why I shared this post is because I feel a strong compelling reason that a lot of people out there are doing this; saying yes for something that is not motivating and always afraid to say no.

The moment we say yes for something that are not empowering nor motivating us, we are essentially saying no to a potential fuck yes.

A mentor once told me: “Go big or go home”. I learned it and twisted it; “Fuck yes or no”.

And it is OK to say no.

Do not let others determine your actions, your life and your real reason of being.