The following is a translation of a scroll recently discovered in a desert cave. Experts, unable to determine its authorship, believe it less a factual history than a myth, which, as the Ancient Greeks noted, is not something that didn’t happen but something that happens over and over again.

And then arose a Pharaoh who knew not Jefferson, whose tiny hands had never touched the soil. He knew only air conditioned by machines.

“Look,” he told his people, “the rules have become too numerous. We must deal shrewdly with them, lest they prevent us from keeping ourselves comfortable and our companies wealthy.”

Many rejoiced. Others resisted.

The first warning was delivered by an avatar, appearing simultaneously on the computers of the Director of the Secret Service, the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, and the CEO of the Pharaoh’s hotel enterprise.

The avatar resided in that uncanny valley between lifelike animation and filtered video. The Director thought it resembled Osama Bin Laden. For the Administrator, it invoked Obi Wan Kenobi. The Executive couldn’t decide: Gandalf or Dumbledore?

The voice had a strange tone, perhaps distorted to conceal its identity. The words, however, were clear: “Your great sage said, ‘as I would not be a slave, so I would not be a slave master.’ Yet your actions enslave millions in misery. Throughout the world, you inflict hardship that you do not feel. You violate your sacred covenant to be good stewards by seeing no other meaning in your natural environment than what serves immediate use and consumption. The One who shall be what he will be commands me to remind you that if such actions do not end, you shall reap what you sow.”

None of the three knew what to make of it. Following protocol, each sent it to their Chief Information Officer. None could find the source. They classified it as a vague, non-credible threat, the kind routinely received and discarded.

1. Blood

Three days later, a combination of already high sea levels and the second once-in-a-century storm that decade forced 85,000 Pakistanis in the coastal region of Sindh to evacuate. The damage was less than that caused by the 2010 floods, which killed 2,000 and affected 20 million. Still, the new wave of refugees overwhelmed already overburdened refugee camps. Scientists blamed the exceptional rainfall on the “freezing” of the jet stream, a phenomenon also blamed for unprecedented wildfires and heat waves in Russia and flooding in the United Kingdom, and predicted such events would become commonplace without concerted efforts to reduce carbon emissions.

Pakistan sought emergency assistance from the United States. The White House rejected the request but its official communiqué noted, “Pakistan is a fantastic country with fantastic people” and “the Pharaoh knows the people of Pakistan are excited about his reign and a future visit.”

The next day, the Pharaoh instructed the Administrator to prepare orders reducing restrictions on commercial developments in wetlands. That evening, at 3:00 a.m. in the Rio de Janeiro hotel branded with the Pharaoh’s name, baths in all the guest rooms began running blood-red colored water. A pipe back-up closed the drains. Slowly and quietly the water flooded the rooms.

At 5:00 a.m., guests began calling the front desk. By 7:00 a.m., all had been evacuated. The hotel management identified the cause and assured New York management they would reopen in two days. The Brazilian government forced other hotels to house the exiled guests at no charge, later receiving an exemption to tariffs the Pharaoh had imposed on imported steel.

The Vice Pharaoh read of the incident on page A17 of The Washington Post. He worried about the boss’s reaction but then thought, “Haven’t I heard about water turning red before?”

Remembering the wedding at Cana where Jesus turned water into wine, he wondered if Rio was a sign of the Lord’s imminent return to perform more miracles, with the Pharaoh as his instrument. He smiled and prayed, thanking the Lord for the many blessings he’d received.

2. Frogs

Two days later, the three received another video. This time the avatar said, “You turned a stubborn shoulder to my message. The One I serve instructed you, ‘The land shall not be sold in perpetuity, for the land is mine; with me you are but aliens and tenants. Throughout the land that you hold, you shall provide for the redemption of the land.’ Yet you do not redeem the land; you lay it to waste. I will again cause suffering upon you so you will know what is required of you.”

Each recipient wondered if the message was related to the Rio event and if so, what should be done? The Hotel Executive decided that any hint of a threat to the chain would be horribly inconvenient. Therefore it was best to consider the event a coincidence. The Director determined it presented no threat to the Pharaoh. Further, as he had just hidden millions dedicated to protecting the Pharaoh’s business assets under the guise of protecting the family, now was a bad time to risk opening any inquiry. He, too, decided that the best action was inaction.

The Administrator arrived at the same conclusion. There were dozens of pending Executive Orders to accomplish his goal of permitting certain friends to find, extract, and use coal, oil, and gas without government constraints. The Pharaoh was likely to sign the orders. Why raise reasons to reconsider? The three each further comforted themselves by noting the limited damage and ease with which the hotel returned to normal operations.

Three days later, scientists reported the discovery of thousands of dead Marsupial frogs, known as Assa darlingtoni, in the volcanic region of Costa Rica. Scientists cited the frogs’ inability to adapt to climate changes in their native habitat.

The next day, the hotel chain’s golf course in Scotland hosted a tournament to honor the Pharaoh’s Ambassador. However, when the golfers arrived they found the links swarming with Lithobates catesbeianus, commonly known as the American bullfrog, a breed that thrives in changing climates. It took hours for the staff to remove the frogs, forcing the event’s postponement.

Amongst the inner circle, only the Pharaoh’s eldest daughter intuited a connection between the events in Rio and Scotland. At a private dinner with her father, she suggested he publicly convey that he took climate change threats seriously, perhaps supporting the wise men carbon tax. He agreed and subsequently raised that approach with his Senior Strategist.

The Strategist, however, pushed back, saying that now, more than ever, it was time to be hard. The Pharaoh concurred and ordered opening up new areas for oil exploration.

3. Lice

The Director, Administrator, and Executive received a third message a few days later. The voice thundered, “Remember the One who commanded that you not destroy trees of sustenance, even if it aids you in times of war, as you are not free to destroy the legacy for future generations, even for momentary gain. As the One who created all is within all, is not your own redemption tied to the redemption of all? Again, I raise my staff so you will know that what you do is evil in the eyes of the One from whom all redemption comes.” For the same reasons as before — but with greater unease — the recipients stayed silent about what they had heard.

The next morning, UN public health officials in Ethiopia announced a lice infestation had affected over 100,000 people. Officials blamed the outbreak on another drought, which scientists said were more frequent due to climate change. The limited water supply forced poor families to drink dirty, parasite-laden water, and to neglect personal hygiene. Infestations followed.

The next day, the guest relations department at the hotel chain’s Chicago facility was overwhelmed with complaints about mysterious bumps and bites. One guest, Dr. Pamela French, recognized the symptoms affecting her and others as evidence of bed bugs. “Bedbugs?! Inconceivable!” responded the hotel management.

Nonetheless, she registered the hotel on the Bed Bugs Registry, leading to a news story and a new meme covered by every late night comedian. Despite the Pharaoh’s Counselor rushing to Chicago to give a speech mostly consisting of praise for the hotel, reservations plunged. Months later, Dr. French’s husband’s small company discovered that, for the first time, it faced an IRS audit.

At an Oval Office meeting the morning after the complete comedic coverage, the Vice Pharaoh wondered aloud, “Isn’t it curious how the red water, frogs, and bed bugs resemble the Biblical plagues?”

The Pharaoh shot back, “Oh, don’t go all two Corinthians on me!”

The Vice Pharaoh had learned never to correct the Pharaoh on matters of scripture. Or anything else. He just nodded.

The Pharaoh continued, “This is just some fucking bad contractors and they are going to pay. Believe me. Believe me.”

“I do, sir.”

“We are going to sue them so hard. So hard. We’re going to take everything they have, and I mean everything.”

The Vice Pharaoh considered going 1 Samuel 8:10–18 on the Pharaoh but thought better of it. Instead he said, “I wouldn’t want to be them, sir.”

The Vice Pharaoh smiled. The Pharaoh did not. At that moment, the Vice Pharaoh really didn’t want to be the Vice Pharaoh either.

4. Flies

The avatar’s fourth message said, “Remember the warning that if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out nations before you. Yet you defile the land, threatening future generations with debris, desolation, and filth.” The Administrator and Executive decided to destroy all evidence they’d ever received such messages. The Director stewed in indecision.

Several days later, in Faisalabad, India, an influx of fruit flies destroyed acres of mangoes, citrus, and guava. Scientists say fruit flies, which have an extraordinary ability to evolve quickly and adapt to climate change, present an increasing threat to crops throughout the world.

No one at the hotel in Miami worried about the news of crop damage, but they were bothered by flies. The sewer lines serving the facility had clogged and overflowed. The area filled with flies, forcing the lobby to be closed and fumigated, with many events canceled.

Upon hearing of the Miami incident, the Director decided to send the four avatar messages to a FBI official who worked on digital surveillance. When that official read his staff nerd’s report, he saw the messages had passed through servers controlled by “King Servers” a company with whose owners he’d collaborated.

He used a secure phone to place a call to a friend there. “Hello, Dmitri, it’s Frank.”

“Comrade Frank!” the Russian voice said. Frank hated how the FSB agents always called their FBI counterparts “comrade,” so everyone knew who was running the show. Nonetheless, he hid his sentiment. Dmitri continued, “Congratulations on your guy winning.”

Frank responded dryly, “Same to you.” Frank explained the situation, asking Dmitri to run a check to discern the original source.

The next day Dmitri called Frank, with a very different tone. “Vladimir is unhappy. When I traced the source, all computers in our system crashed. You sent me a Stuxnet trigger, you sookin syn.”

Frank did not speak Russian but deduced that sookin syn was not a term of endearment. He meekly replied, “I don’t understand.”

“Well, you will. Your friends will pay!”

The line went dead. Frank considered his options. He decided the most important thing was that nothing be traceable to him. He reported to the Director that the FBI had not found any actionable intelligence.

5. Pestilence

With the next message, the avatar said, “The One who commands me brought you into a plentiful land to eat its fruits and its good things. But you defiled the land, and made the One’s heritage an abomination.”

Shortly thereafter, European news reported an outbreak of the Schmallenberg virus in previously unaffected areas, as warmer temperatures have proven hospitable to the insects that transmit the disease. The disease affects cattle, sheep, and goats, reducing milk production and increasing birth malformation.

That evening, at the hotel in Toronto, the restaurant experienced a refrigeration and storage malfunction. All food and drink spoiled, including a number of fine wines and not-so-fine wines sold as a premium vintage.

Management discovered the cause of the breakdown but no meals could be served for days. The incident, by itself not newsworthy, triggered a Wall Street Journal report on the mishaps hitting properties of the world’s hugest hotel brand, causing cancelations, and increased reservations for competitors.

The next day, the National Security Advisor thought his summons to the Oval Office for a private meeting with the Pharaoh was to discuss the Wikileaks dump of emails between the Pharaoh’s son and accountants at the Pharaoh’s former foundation.

One set showed the son instructing accountants to send a campaign contribution to a State Attorney General despite its dubious legality. The phrase “Just send the damn check. My daddy gets to play by his own rules,” was plastered across all media, except Fox News and Breitbart/CNN, a new entity formed after the government forced AT&T to divest CNN before it would approve its buying Time-Warner Entertainment.

Seventeen intelligence agencies told the Security Advisor the leak came from the Russians. He had not yet told the Pharaoh.

The Pharaoh, however, had something else on his mind. “I told you that tough times require tough measures. This is no time for pussies. America is under attack. We need to put those bastards on notice and crush them. Crush them.”

“I completely agree, sir.”

“So here is what you are going to do. Stage an assault. Use folks who look like ISIS. Leak some emails that make it real. Then we hit ISIS bigly.”

“Sir, what would you like us to attack?”

“Well, that is up to you. Obviously a Marriot, a Hilton, or a Four Seasons would be good. Actually, all three would be tremendous. Tremendous. And do it in Sweden.”

“Sir, wouldn’t that shut down the tourist industry? Airlines? Restaurants?”

“I hired you to win, not whine. Don’t make me say ‘you’re fired.’ I did that to the last guy and I can do it to you.”

“Ah, yes sir. Working on a plan already.”

As he rose, the Security Advisor knew the best course of action: ignore the boss. He’d seen such tantrums before. The odds of a second request were low, and after the debacle involving his predecessor, the threat of firing was emptier than the Pharaoh’s promise to make students attending his university rich. He smiled thinking about how wise he had become.

He was halfway through the door when the Pharaoh interrupted his private moment of self-praise.

“One more thing. I don’t know why Putin’s unhappy but it can’t happen again. He’s got a lot worse on my son.”

“Yes sir.” With that, the Security Advisor exited, ruminating again on his own cleverness.

As soon as he was gone, the Pharaoh called his son. “Tell our guy to short Marriot, Hilton, and the Four Seasons. And the airlines too.” He hung up, also pleased with his own cleverness.

6. Boils

Afew days later, public health officials in Wisconsin and Michigan announced an outbreak of a mosquito-borne disease known as chikungunya. While the virus initially was only in Africa and Asia, it spread to the Americas in 2013. Scientists correlated the geographic expansion to climate change. The number affected was small, but officials feared a larger episode would soon follow. Due to state budget cuts in public health services, they knew they were woefully unprepared.

In Hawaii no one read of the infection. Conventioneers at the brand’s Waikiki hotel were too busy enjoying the beach to consider far away ailments. But when they awoke a day later, many reported headaches, fever, and muscle pains. They soon were diagnosed with Legionnaires’ Disease. This news went viral and, as with Chicago, the hotel’s reservations dried up.

When he read of this incident, the Director felt he had no choice. He arranged a meeting with the Pharaoh and told him of the avatar’s messages. To his surprise, the Pharaoh reacted calmly, simply asking, “What do they want?”

“Beats me, sir.”

“Maybe if we ban drilling in some ocean areas, they’d stop. Maybe they’d settle for some emissions limits. Could we try?”

The Director was shrugging when his smartphone rang. He thought he’d turned it off but as he grabbed it, he was stunned to see the avatar. It spoke, saying, “I will leave you to determine the actions by which you will respect the covenant with the One and prevent future damage.”

The Pharaoh did not appear surprised. He responded, “Okay, but the damage to the hotels stops today. Today. Got it?”

The avatar answered, “It will be as you say, so that you may know there is no one like the One.” With that, the avatar disappeared.

The Pharaoh smiled at the Director and said, “See? It’s all in the art of the deal. Amazing book. Amazing book. Best-selling book ever. I’ll handle this but in the meantime add extra security. You know where. And this remains between us.”

7. Fire and Hail

The White House requested that the EPA prepare orders to reflect positions contrary to the orders the Administrator had previously prepared but were not yet signed. The Administrator worried that the Pharaoh’s daughter — or even worse, Al Gore — had softened the Pharaoh’s thinking. The Administrator did not connect the new directives to the messages he had received and destroyed.

At the meeting to determine how to proceed, the attendees all noticed the difficulty the Pharaoh had focusing. Most attributed it to his constant glancing up to see how cable news was covering his 4:30 a.m. tweet comparing a monologue of the “failing and unfunny” Stephen Colbert to “Nazi propaganda” and proposing its writers “be investigated for unpatriotic views. Horrible!”

But those who knew him best saw something unusual in the Pharaoh’s vacillation — a desire to have someone else make the decision. At one point, he suggested holding a big rally and soliciting the crowd for its views. Then he asked, “Can’t we let Little Paulie do it?” which some interpreted as suggesting, for the first time in his reign, that an action was beyond Pharaonic power.

The Chief of Staff proclaimed, “Your power will not be questioned!” He called for final thoughts. The Counselor said she was certain the decision would be “100% correct.” The Vice Pharaoh, Strategist, and Administrator advocated maximizing extraction and exploitation. The Pharaoh wavered but finally agreed. Then he made each person individually swear not to leak his decision.

The Vice Pharaoh felt giddy as he rushed to call the Koch Brothers before the Chief of Staff could claim credit. Sure, he’d thought about what profit there was in his unquestioning devotion (other than taking credit where due) to one who kept him in the dark in embarrassing ways and, more important, did the opposite of what his savior would do; hitting his enemies back ten times harder instead of cheek turning. And yes, it wasn’t living by the Kingdom Principles, but look at all he’d gained!

The Vice Pharaoh shouldn’t have worried about the Chief of Staff who had been angrily taken aside by the Strategist and Administrator. The Strategist poked the Chief of Staff and yelled, “Too much daddy-daughter time. That fucking meeting should have taken five minutes.” The Administrator added, “God-damn Aspen socialite.”

The Chief of Staff smiled and agreed to limit such conversations. The Strategist and Administrator had the same thought: that spineless weasel is all smiles and no action.

Two days later, a massive fire broke out in the western United States. Scientists noted that climate change had caused higher temperatures, leading to drier forests and earlier snowmelts. Both make wildfires more intense and longer lasting. The Administrator released a statement blaming environmental regulations, claiming they made fighting fires more difficult.

The same day, an unusual hailstorm broke out in Manitoba, causing over $100 million in damages to property, crops, and livestock. The Canadian government, citing scientific studies, called on the U.S. government to aggressively address climate change.

The White House responded that the Canadian government should mind its own business. The Chairman of the Senate Committee overseeing climate issues argued that as the Bible says that “cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease,” it is “outrageous and arrogant” for scientists or Canada to suggest that humans affect the climate.

These events received scant coverage. The lead story involved the Pharaoh’s allies linking environmental groups to ISIS, citing news reports, all emanating from a website run by teenagers in Veles, Macedonia. Many believed them, including the FBI, which dispatched agents to interrogate the leadership of the groups and seize their computers. The agents had instructions to search for videos with images of someone resembling Osama Bin Laden.

The next day at 3:00 a.m., in the hotel properties in Panama City and Vancouver, fire alarms went off. Within an hour, all guests were outside — in Panama, in sweltering heat, while in Vancouver, in an unusual cold. Management could not disarm the alarms for hours. When the Panama guests returned to their rooms, they discovered the heating was stuck at a setting of 90 degrees, while in Vancouver, the rooms had the air conditioning stuck at 50 degrees.

The Hotel Executive called the Pharaoh to say, “Are you not aware how all will be lost?” The Pharaoh again proposed to the Strategist softening efforts to aid the extraction industries and adopting the wise man carbon tax. The Strategist told him “ They’re the enemy! Stop paying attention to those God-damn Tom Friedman pieces!” He suggested instead that Customs and Border Protection claim they caught thousands crossing from Mexico, and then hold a huge, tremendous victory rally, starring the Pharaoh. The Pharaoh loved the idea and forgot why he’d asked the Strategist to meet with him.

8. Locusts

South Sudan had long been unstable, but an infestation of locust made things worse. Many countries had made headway in reducing locusts and the devastation they caused by destroying crops, but recently warmer temperatures and droughts attributable to climate change were reversing that progress, with locust migration increasing and becoming more unpredictable. A small part of the average swarm of desert locusts could guzzle in a day an amount of food equivalent to that consumed by 2,500 people. While the Strategist was working on rounding up the usual suspects, a swarm of a billion locusts was destroying five thousand square kilometers in South Sudan.

The Director would not have read about the Sudan but for the fact that his church had planned a mission there that now would be postponed. He read the accounts with a sense of foreboding, and concluded he should warn the Pharaoh. In the Oval Office, the Pharaoh understood and ordered him to “Get that Osama character on the phone.”

The Director started to say that he did not know how to do that when, despite his phone being off, it pinged, signaling a Facetime connection. With the avatar.

The Pharaoh spoke immediately. “We have a deal, right? I will sign no more orders. I will keep in place the remaining rules. So we’re done here, right?”

The avatar replied, “We are not done until you act upon the words of the One who commanded you, ‘you shall not pollute the land in which you live…you shall not defile the land in which you live, in which I also dwell.’ If you do not redeem yourself, I will bring locusts into your hallowed places. They will cover the face of the ground so that it cannot be seen, devouring your most precious belongings. They will fill your grandest houses — something never seen by your ancestors.”

The Pharaoh tried a new track. “Look, I respect you. You are obviously smart. I’m very smart. Let’s work together. Come down to my place in Florida. It’s fabulous. You’ll love how I redid it. I mean, I have built some tremendous things, great businesses, made lots of money, and if we work together…”

The avatar interrupted. “The One who commands me cares as little for such things as for straw dogs. As you were told, ‘when you have eaten your fill and have built fine houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks have multiplied, and your silver and gold is multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied, do not exalt yourself, forgetting the Lord your God.’ Do not say to yourself, ‘My power and the might of my own hand have gained me this wealth.’ Remember the One through whom all things were made.”

The Pharaoh saw that his charm offensive, which worked on so many, would not work here. He shifted again saying, “Okay, I get it. Tell me what you want. I will protect the oceans and throw in some protections for Indian lands, too. I love the Indians. Fantastic people. No one loves the Indians more than me.”

The avatar replied, “The covenant between you and the One requires you work with all the nations who occupy its creation to undo the damage.”

The Pharaoh exploded. “You are breaking the deal! I’ve been more than fair, and if you can’t accept that, then you’re corrupt and I’m not dealing with you! Accept my offer or go away!” The image disappeared.

Several hours later, everyone in the hotel chain’s casinos heard a faint buzzing. It was high season for the casinos and they had never been busier. As the key to profitability was keeping the guests in the casinos, great effort had been taken to make exits hard to find.

The buzzing grew louder and then locusts began swarming through, first covering the floor, then the roulette, craps, and blackjack tables, and then all the slots. Chaos followed. The throngs searched for exits but with limited visibility only found fellow searchers, often grabbing in unintended and unfortunate ways. Riveting videos of the incident provided a ratings bonanza for news and comedy shows, but had the opposite effect on casino revenues.

9. Darkness

The Director expected that afternoon’s meeting with the Pharaoh to be unpleasant. The Pharaoh’s demand for extra security had backfired. The Secret Service established buffer zones for protests around the hotels, arguing that family members were there.

Unfortunately, the Pharaoh’s son posted an Instagram from Hawaii when the Service had said he was in Chicago to justify that buffer.

Ridicule followed, with some ranking Trevor Noah’s segment “Home Alone 6: Jr. and the Secret Service” as one of the Daily Show’s all time best.

Then a court upheld protesters’ rights to protest closer, citing precedent that allowed anti-abortion protestors to get close to abortion facilities.

The Attorney General did not want to appeal, as the anti-abortion movement feared any court decision might weaken their rights to protest.

A heavily leaked West Wing battle followed. While all the details were bad, the worst was the Counselor accusing the Attorney General of being a liar, a sensitive subject given the perjury charges he was facing.

This time it was SNL that struck comedic gold with a skit titled “Finely Tuned Machine” depicting an intricately choreographed Oval Office food fight. The protests’ size quadrupled.

The Pharaoh, however, was not interested in discussing buffers. He wanted to speak to the avatar.

When it appeared, the Pharaoh spoke. “Maybe I was rash before. I’m like that. That’s why people love me. And they really do love me. I mean, I could shoot someone…” The avatar’s image started to disintegrate.

“Wait, wait,” the Pharaoh pleaded. “Look, I’m open minded, but this climate change — nobody really knows.” The avatar, returning in 4K clarity, responded, “Remember, those who do not know have a heart that has become dull, ears that scarcely hear, and eyes that have closed.”

The Pharaoh tried a different appeal. “Okay, maybe I’ve said some bad things but these incidents are so demoralizing. Hey, doesn’t the good book say you should ignore my words, look at the good in my heart and forgive me?”

The avatar answered, “In truth it says the mouth speaks what the heart is full of and by your fruits you are known. And as the One’s creations are clearly seen, you are without excuse.” The avatar vanished. Efforts to retrieve it failed.

Two days later, the Union of Concerned Scientists released a report linking extreme weather events — made more frequent by climate change — to power outages. It was the fourth such report it had issued, each with increasingly dire predictions. The Administration ignored it.

It was similarly ignored by attendees at the grand opening of the brand’s hotel in Buenos Aires. It would be the biggest event in the city, if not South America, in years. Everyone wanted to be there. Everyone important was.

The call with the Pharaoh-elect after the election in which Argentina agreed to suspend construction rules to allow for expedited building had paid off with a generous weapons deal. The White House justified the deal with leaked emails suggesting a planned ISIS attack on Yacyreta Dam.

The media played it big, ignoring the grammatical errors suggesting its author was a native English speaker who simply used Google Translate. The Argentineans viewed the violation of construction rules as a small price to pay for Pharaoh’s kindness, and Pharaoh and his associates saw the financial losses on the weapons as a small price for their country to pay for enabling the hotel to be built on time and under budget.

The party began at sundown. The first hour was magnificent. Then, just as the Counselor began her opening remarks about how the hotel was the greatest one she had every seen, everything went dark.

There was no electricity anywhere in the facility. The back-up generators did not work. The back-up back-up generators failed. Even the flashlights didn’t work. The outage lasted until sunrise.

No one wanted to tell the Pharaoh but, not surprisingly, he learned of it from cable news. The inner circle decided the son-in-law should enter the Oval Office solo. A monologue followed, with the words “This was a unique, once in a lifetime opportunity to make billions!” and “I demand Congress or Comey investigate. Find me someone to sue!” loudly repeated, reverberating throughout the West Wing.

10. Death of the First Born

The Pharaoh did not see that day’s World Health Organization report projecting that climate change would cause 250,000 additional deaths per year from malnutrition, malaria, diarrhea, and heat stress. After all, cable news did not cover it.

He spent the morning in a meeting about the allowing immigration officials to deport parents and put their children in foster care. His daughter objected but the Strategist said, “They broke the law. One strike, they’re out.” The Pharaoh agreed and chuckled “of course we’ll use an alternative rule for our Attorney General.” Everyone laughed, except the daughter.

The Pharaoh spent the afternoon in his bathrobe, calling old friends, preparing for what he believed was the final negotiation with the avatar.

When he finally saw the image on the Director’s phone, he took a deep breath, and then spoke. “I’ve been more than fair, and willing to meet you halfway. But you have to work with me. Remember, I was elected by a huge margin, an historic record, to bring jobs and growth — not to do what you want me to do.”

“It is not I who asks,” replied the avatar. “I speak on behalf of the creator of all who prioritizes being over being useful, who wants all of creation redeemed.”

“Sure, yeah. But I’ve already promised to protect oceans and the Indian lands. I’ll throw in the national parks. No drilling there. That work? Totally reasonable.”

“You mistake me. I am not here to negotiate. I am here to bring respect to the covenant between the creator and the stewards of creations. You seek the best deal, but the One for whom I speak seeks the best world, one in which all creation is redeemed.”

The Pharaoh snapped, yelling, “You’re a total loser! Beat it, get out of my sight! The day you see my face again is the day you die!”

“Just as you say. I will never appear before you again,” the avatar replied. “But remember how the One set before you life or death and commanded you to choose life. You preen with pride claiming to choose life but your actions cause death. By sunset tomorrow, you will know the wrath of the source of life — and it is your face that will disappear.”

When the next day’s sun set, and nothing unusual appeared on cable news, the Pharaoh looked in the mirror, saw an image he loved, and smiled in relief.

But across the world, in thousands of homes in places that put up fences and gates to keep out the suffering of others, there were loud wails of pain, anger, and terror. Shortly thereafter, a traveling parent from each of those homes who was staying at one of the brand’s hotels received a message that their eldest child had discovered his or her Facebook profile was gone. A second message informed guests that on further examination, all social media activities of the child had vanished, and the child could not activate any account bearing the same name or identifying details. A third message, the most horrifying, informed guests that all digital photos of the eldest offspring had also disappeared.

In the first twenty-four hours, news reports ignored the attack. Compared to previous cyber attacks on Yahoo, Target, and Home Depot affecting hundreds of millions, this was miniscule, affecting less than 10,000. Apple, Google, and Facebook had emergency teams investigate, but the attack appeared to be random. No hotel guests suspected any connection to their stay.

Then, at a cocktail party honoring a business delegation to Ireland, word spread how all the delegates — who were staying at the brand’s hotel to curry favor with the trade negotiator — had suffered from the loss of digital life. The same soon occurred at events at all the hotels.

As guests began tweeting about it, using the handle #firstbornlossofdigitallife, the New York Times put the pieces together and tied the cyberattack to the hotel chain’s guest list. Hotel management, calling the paper “a well-known enemy of the people,” criticized the article as a politically motivated attack on the Pharaoh.

Still, within twenty-four hours, 97% of the hotels’ reservations were canceled, partners withdrew financial support for new projects, and major lenders notified management that the events violated the debt covenants.

The Hotel CEO called to tell the Pharaoh directly of the potential bankruptcy. The Pharaoh did not discuss business. Rather, he cried about his own erasure. He’d discovered his twitter handle and all his followers were gone — that all evidence he’d ever existed on social media had been eradicated.

11. Exodus

The next day, the Pharaoh signed several executive orders reversing his previous orders.

Then the Pharaoh tweeted from his daughter’s account that, “I’ve accomplished so many amazing things and won so much that I hereby resign and let my good friend, the Vice Pharaoh, take over.” Many of his followers, forced to read of this in mainstream media, thought it fake.

Two days later, a series of earthquakes rattled the home state of the newly installed Pharaoh, killing 250 and destroying 14,700 homes. Thousands were at risk for a multitude of diseases that follow such events. The new Pharaoh immediately signed an order providing federal assistance.

Scientists cited evidence that fracking caused the earthquakes. The new Pharaoh was blind to them, relying on the Koch Brothers who told him other scientists had views he’d like more. But now he saw a numeric parallel between the event and the Biblical story of Korach, and the similarity of the words “Koch” and “Korach.” It worried him. Ignoring data was easy. Ignoring such coincidences was not.

He believed God personally sent him messages. So, as he often did, he opened his New Testament to a random page, letting God decide what passage would provide light. His finger led to Mark 4:19: “…but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it proves unfruitful.”

The message troubled him. For the first time, he considered that he might have to leave that place of complete confidence that God’s message exalted extraction and exploitation above all. He prayed for God’s grace in dealing with the challenges ahead.

The news media overflowed with stories on the new Pharaoh. A few noted the irony of the state’s favorite son becoming Pharaoh coincident with its greatest natural disaster. None suggested causality.

Nor did any stories reference the 65,000 climate refugees forced to leave their homes that day, as 65,000 had to do the day before and were likely to do every day for years to come.

Despite their diversity in race, religion, age, and background, each refugee looked to the sky and spoke to the One, asking, with all their heart and soul, the same questions: “How long will we wander in this errand into the wilderness? What will be our promised land?”