In response to ‘The Boys are Not Alright’….

As a summer camp director who works with hundreds of boys, adolescents, and young men each year, I’m happy to report there are a great deal of ‘good’ boys out there — humble, helpful, fierce (when needed), protective, and happily well-adjusted. I believe Mr. Black overstates his claim when he asserts that ‘boys are broken.’

I had met one of the men who saved lives in Parkland on a couple of occasions. Scott Beigel and I did not know each other well but we shared a love of camp and of teaching ‘old boys’ what it means to be good men. His sacrifice showed us what it means to be a man — he was a teacher and a protector to the end.

That said, there are too many who are, in fact, broken. There is an old African saying: “If you don’t initiate your boys into the tribe, they’ll burn down the village.” When you look at the rising rates of dropouts, drug use, violence, and incarceration among 13–25 year old young men, it tells us the village is smoldering.

And, because of the weapons we allow on the streets and our failure to instill the virtues of true manhood, a small group of adolescent and adult men are actively burning down the village.

This idea of intentionally building boys into men is as older than Aristotle though he (through Plato) was the first to make it widely popular. Our Jewish brother and sisters have been practicing the bar and bat Mitzvah for millennia to prepare their young to be useful members of their society. Our brothers and sisters in many African tribes and other cultures have done the same.

While this intentional training does not guarantee the results we want, it does give us much higher chance of positive results.

Yet, here we are — the most advanced, prosperous society the Earth has ever known and we are, too often, brought to our knees by some poor, sick man-child with an assault rifle… or a social media account.

I believe this happens because we are fail to intentional educate our boys how to be good men. And we, as a society, suffer the consequences.

There is a scene in the movie Gladiator when the aging emperor, Marcus Aurelius, sees his daughter overlooking a party of his senators and warriors. “If you had only been born a man, what a Caesar you would have made…. You would have been strong. I wonder, would you have been just?” he asks.

His daughter replies, “I would have been what you taught me to be.”

One scene later, Caesar Aurelius is confronted with the son he failed to raise. Aurelius meant well but never really did the dirty, hard, long work of instilling values in his son. Instead, his son’s adopted virtues led to patricide.

When parents fail to teach their boys to be men, culture writ-large fills the gap. Sadly, we all suffer for the lack of this intentional training.

Yes, it is easier to allow our boys to hide from the adults they need to become rather than to teach them to become so. As a parent of three growing boys with a job and my own interests, I’m certainly guilty of this from time to time.

But behind their earphones, screens, and friends, our boys are cut off from the stories and experiences that teach them what we need them to become… and ignorant of that which they must avoid.

The stories of our past and present will teach them of the future they are to create.

Want to teach a boy or adolescent to be a man? Start telling him stories of your past or those that are important to you. Do this once, you’ll have an impact. Do it for years, you’ll have molded him.

We have to redouble our efforts in building our boys to into the men we need. It starts with an understanding what being a ‘good man’ means. A suggestion: we need more men who are productive and protective, men who are tender and strong, men who are humble and wise.

And, it doesn’t matter what we believe. Like everything else, it’s a matter of what we do.

To those who are raising men like Scott Beigel, Aaron Feis, Chris Hixon, and Carlos Rodriguez as parents or mentors — thank you. We all need to do more to help produce men, young and old, who are like the heroes of Parkland. Let them be an example to the rest of us when describing what it mean to be a good man.

As for Mr. Black, I’m happy you want to help make a difference. And, I’d be thrilled to join hands with you to do the help our boys grow into the men we need.

There is too much smoke over the village for us not to do something — together.