As a designer, I believe that my goal is to achieve clarity, to see myself, my work, and the world around me as it actually is: not as I want things to be, not as I fear they are, and not according to stories I may have written in my own head. Once I have clarity about my projects, my progress, my relationship to the people I work with, and my own desires, I am better able to make connections, see new possibilities, decide between alternatives, rate iterations, and try a design path. Essentially, we can choose what we want to let go of, to keep, and to change. This can be a difficult process, to get to clarity, and here are three tools that I am trying to embrace: curiosity, compassion, and contradictions.

When I’ve worked hard on a complicated project, with multiple teams and many changes in direction, I’ve sometimes become frustrated with the company, with my team, and with myself. I want faster progress. I want clearer direction. I want our work to matter. It is very natural for anyone to be frustrated with a situation in which things don’t go the way we want. The problem is that IF I stay in a state of frustration, it can hinder improvements in how I productively collaborate. When I’m stuck in frustration, I find that I am closed to growth and learning. I am finding that the antidote to that kind of frustration is to use the tool of curiosity. When I encounter a situation that disappoints or angers me, it can be helpful to stop, take a breath (even if I’m still upset) and try to ask questions: “why is this happening?”, “I wonder why this person sees things differently than I did?. I find that the more I ask questions, the more I open myself to new information and new perspectives. In addition, when I pause and become curious, it is more likely that my “hot” emotions will calm down. When I am then calmer, I am better able to have a collaborative discussion. I can’t choose my emotional responses but I can learn to choose my reactions.

Another question (borrowed from Brené Brown) that I find helpful to ask myself is “In what ways are these other people really doing the best they can?” We do this as an extension of curiosity but also with a nod toward compassion. Compassion is the second tool with which we can start to build toward greater clarity. When I have concern and caring for both other people and ourselves I can start to see that, fundamentally, everyone really is trying to do their best. I may not agree with other peoples’ definitions of best or what the goals should be, but when I feel a real caring, I can start to give more permission to both the people around me and myself. Sometimes we can be the harshest critics of the world around us and center our thoughts on failure. When we allow in caring, we instead start to focus on that which is universal, that every one of us struggles, every one of us is trying hard, and that underneath it all, no one really knows how to make sense of the world. It is most helpful when our compassion comes from a place of understanding that many of us suffer when we feel that have lost control of the world around us. Understanding this, the unease that everyone feels when they realize that they don’t have control, helps us to see a universal aspect of being human.

Finally, I come to the useful, albeit nuanced, tool of contradiction. It is a part of life and part of work — that there often is a tension between various simultaneous desires and between various ways of seeing what is happening around us. One manager is giving one directive and another manager is giving another and they both may be valid. We often have to accommodate the needs of different users that might contradict each other. I want my own individual contributions to be recognized AND I want my team to be recognized as a cohesive whole. One of the most difficult aspects of working together in uncharted areas of innovation is that we often face these contradictions. Knowing that these are a part of the experience — that I can expect it — allows me to welcome such contradictions without struggle. Rather than resisting these moments of contradiction I try to remind myself that they are normal, that they are part of the learning process. More often than not we have to make decisions with incomplete information. If we let ourselves become upset every time there are contradictory needs, we will be less productive, less open-hearted, and ultimately suffer more. Instead, it can be helpful to embrace the notion of “yes, and…”. Yes, situation A is true and yes, situation B is also true even though they both may seem be at odds with each other.

I hope that my take on curiosity, compassion, and embracing contraction can inform your mental landscape and the ways in which you move in the world. Thank you.