“When they go low, we go high.” — Michelle Obama at DNC 2016

Like many of you, I was moved by those lines. Like many of you, I wanted to draft Michelle Obama to run for president after that speech (I still do). And like many of you, I think our country is in the tiny hands of a [insert mean word of you choice].

Look, I voted for Hillary, I defended her among my peers, and I rationalized her flaws; only to see her lose an election where she had every advantage. I was in disbelief as well, but not entirely surprised as the entire run-up to the election has already whittled away my faith in the American system. (I’m sure somewhere out there Putin just felt warm and tingly.) And like many of you, I couldn’t help but rubberneck obsessively at the autopsy of the campaign for the following months, looking for a plausible rationale as to why this isn’t really our fault. It had to be Comey… or was it fake news? Misogyny? Voter suppression? It’s got to be the Electorate College and Twitter! Wait… does anyone else have a sudden urge to watch Rocky IV?

But none of this changes the fact that we lost — BIGLY! We got pummeled like Apollo Creed round after round, until we lost every branch of government. We tell ourselves that this was just the first act and it was only because the other team played dirty. Let’s simply ignore our attempt at trying to tie every Republican to the anchor we thought Drumpf would be, including the moderates and those who opposed him from the very beginning. Things will be different after our training montage because good ol’ American hard work will prevail. After all, if I can change, and you can change, then everything will change! #MOBAMA2020

To our credit, we did change, except it was into the very thing we were condemning just a few months ago. After rightfully criticizing the other side for partisan obstruction, political violence, and refusing to recognize the results of the election; we decided that “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” So, after five months, we’re still obsessed with overturning the results, except now with a sprinkle of Russian intrigue (how exciting!). Even after criticizing the other side for using violence to enforce political views, we’ve started riots, burned cars, and tried to lynch a 74 year old man with ‘dangerous ideas’. We act as if all the recent terrorist attacks and mass shootings were perpetrated by radical followers of The Bell Curve, and now it looks like we’re heading towards another government shutdown if we don’t raise the debt ceiling, because any marginal win for Drumpf is an unacceptable loss for America. So, to quote my college roommate, “are we high yet?”

Apparently not, because we’ve got this Gorsuch guy who is just a little too clean and a little too white, so we have to drag him through the mud to give him a little color. Apparently, people think it’s justified because of what they did to Garland, although I don’t recall a concerted effort by the Republican Senate to demonize Garland as a threat to America. But we’re clearly ok extrapolating a few select cases out of the thousands he presided over as an indictment of his callous indifference to the common man, his slavish loyalty to big business, and his secret desire to return us to a time of slavery using this wicked spell-book called The Constitution. Oh, and because he was nominated by Drumpf, he’s forever unclean (which makes you wonder why bother dragging him through the mud). While we’re at it, let’s also force a showdown that will destroy our best remaining bargaining chip to force cooperation, not to mention a fundamental pillar of the checks and balances our government is built on. None of this will keep him from being confirmed by the way, but our senators seem content to march off a cliff so long as the crowds are cheering.

Should I even mention the hypocrisy of the very same Democrats who did the very same thing in 2013, or the irony of us trying to delegitimize a judge while simultaneously asking for his condemnation on Drumpf’s previous attempts to delegitimize judges? But to be fair, he did it over Twitter and we at least bothered to write longer sentences with ‘the best’ words in the Huffington Post. And what’s this about Pence wearing a chastity belt to stay faithful to his wife? How dare he!?

When they go low, we go high…

LOL. Who are we kidding?

These last five months have made it crystal clear that the Conservative Right does not have a monopoly on slander, lies, hypocrisy, and a complete lack of self-awareness. We might be a few degrees higher because John Legend is clearly classier than Ted Nugent, but we obviously learned nothing from 2016. Our ‘diversity’ is apparently only skin deep because anyone who doesn’t think EXACTLY like us can GTFO. Whatever happened to the party of the common man, when it recognized that the common man is as different as they are numerous? We use to have space for people who are pro-life, pro-gun, openly religious, or fiscally conservative. We had Reagan Democrats, Blue Dogs, and most importantly, leaders who were “Americans First”, partisans second. But if we really want leaders of integrity, wisdom, and compassion, we first need to stop making liars out of the ones who try.

But it’s not hopeless.

Given where we are… the only way left is up.

I am aware that rants like this do not fairly represent everyone who identifies as a liberal or Democrat, but given the lack of prominent pushback, I think it’s fair to say many of us are at least complicit to these tactics.

As for whatever personal/political/career price I will reap for posting this, let’s not forget that sticking one’s dick into the beehive in an attempt to do the right thing is perhaps about as American as you can get. #YOLO