I opened the email, dreading what I was about to read. I knew the writer of the email well, but I also knew he was about to suck the life out of me. What he wanted me to do was to serve as his Ph.D. committee chair. But, I knew it would mean a lot of time, a lot of talks, and little action on his part. I asked for advice from another faculty member on what to do. They told me “Advising PhDs is a worthy process — and it is hard work. This is what we do.” Thanks for the advice. Maybe I am lazy or just unworthy of my role — but I needed a better plan.

If you are a Ph.D. student, I have written before about

• How to get a Ph.D.
• The Ph.D. Process as published in IEEE
• Does it pay to get a Ph.D.?

But now I am talking from the other side, how do you manage a Ph.D. student and keep your sanity.

Define the Work

“The first step in exceeding your customer’s expectations is to know those expectations.” Roy Williams

I know what the expectations are for the Ph.D. faculty chair.

• I am the mentor for the students guiding them through the process.
• We meet and talk, often with little action from the student.
• Four other faculty members are on the committee, and they rarely do any work. In fact, I have to corral them to get them to participate.
• At the last minute, someone on the committee often causes trouble — challenging ideas the student has presented and throwing up objections to the whole process.
• While the burden is on the student to “fix” any issues, I have to again guide them through the process.

All this is a pain, and there is usually no win in it for me, except feeling good about helping someone. But truthfully, at times helping others is little reward.

The problem was, there are no clear expectations for the student.

The Ph.D. is about Testing Your Grit

The whole Ph.D. process is a game. you take classes, which are easy enough because you either pass or not. Each course has hard deadlines to keep the student on track. But then, the dreaded dissertation. The only real challenge here is that there are no deadlines and nobody to drive the student. On top of that, the process is not well defined. This might be by design, to have the student just go with grit and get themselves through the process. A lot is about self-motivation. It is like they are preparing for a marathon — no one is pushing them but the goal. (Actually, a marathon has a deadline — so not that easy.)

But the problem is, if you were preparing for a marathon, you would not want to take hours of my time talking through the process. You would not want to come and sit and talk about the process. You would not want to ask me how to work with the other marathon runners. If you did, I would just tell you to go run. You know how to do that. Forget the marathon analogy.

My Tipping Point — Create in a Ph.D. Advisory Process

“Creativity is the process of having original ideas that have value. It is a process; it’s not random.” Ken Robinson

When this request came in, I was already overwhelmed with other non-productive Ph.D. students, as well as my regular work. I realized I needed process. So I stopped, drafted out what I would need to see to be OK with his request to serve as the advisor. I sent this plan to a more seasoned and perhaps more cynical professor. He was also a highly productive professor. I asked him if I was pushing it too far? Was I being a jerk?

Contrary to my initial thought — this wise advisor thought I was right on target. So I went with it. I sent out the process document to the student who was asking me to be his advisor. It worked. He did not accept it — and found a new advisor. What a win. But, was I a jerk?

My Contract with my Ph.D. Students

Today, I have one new person asking me. It has been a while since I have agreed to serve. I pulled out the agreement and sent it to him. I know he will deliver — but I went through the process anyway. He quickly agreed. I even got the sense that he was relieved that someone was going to force him through the process. I can work with this guy.

Below you will see my agreement. I may be a jerk, but it really worked. As I am looking at this, I think I need more agreements like it. If you work with a lot of people who you mentor — you might consider something similar — if you are OK with looking like a jerk.

My Ph.D. Committee Participation

In order to best serve Ph.D. candidates who have asked me to serve as the committee chair or as a committee member, I have set the following guidelines. My goal is to provide the best service in the most efficient manner.

Committee Chair Requirements

If you would like me to consider being chair of your committee, you need to agree to the following.

1. Develop a research plan now. The Ph.D. is all about the dissertation, so without a research plan up front, you have no plan. And you without a plan need another committee chair. See below step 3 for creating a plan.

2. Publish with me as the second author in peer-reviewed conferences and/or journals. I have ZERO interest in serving you if you do not agree to publish your work in peer-reviewed conferences and journals quickly and frequently.

3. Write your proposal immediately. You will register for a special topic or non-dissertation research course during the first term I serve as your chair. The requirements of this course will be detailed later, but in short you will a) define your research topic, b) do your literature review, c) write the first paper of background material and submit to a peer-reviewed conference, d) write the proposal and e) form the committee.

4. Write and submit for publication at least one manuscript every quarter.

Committee Service Requirements

If you would like for me to serve on your committee, I need you to agree to the following.

1. Provide any publication to be for review before publication with me as an author in peer-reviewed conferences and/or journals. I have ZERO interest in serving you if you do not agree to publish your work in peer-reviewed conferences and journals quickly and frequently.

2. Set all meetings and final reviews up well in advance. Waiting until two weeks out and asking me to review your material or commit to a meeting is not acceptable. If you think you will not do this, note that almost every candidate does this last minute rush. I will not participate.

In either case, I expect you to sign this agreement and provide a copy back to me via email.

In the spirit of you getting done and getting done in this lifetime, the above guidelines are in your best interest as well as mine. My time is very limited, as are the other members of your committee. Your agreement to be serious and aggressive toward your degree helps us all use our time wisely.

Failure to meet these guidelines will result in me removing my name from your committee.

Thank you for your consideration.
Dale Callahan, Ph.D., P.E.

Originally published at www.dalecallahan.com on September 11, 2018.

Are you being overlooked for a leadership role? For many engineers, there is this awkward time in their career where they are starting to look at leadership roles, but their boss and others around them still only rely on them for their technical expertise. Though you may have a lot more value to offer your company in both your current engineering position and a future management one, no one may be noticing the potential but you. So, how can you stand out? Here a few tips on how to show leadership qualities in your current job.

1. Ask Better Questions

Don’t ask questions just to ask them and be thoughtful in the questions that you are asking. Oftentimes, the questions that you ask can be more powerful than the answers that you give because they get people to think deeper and involve others in the conversation. Look at the challenges that your company is facing and take time to really understand the underlying problem. Find the thought leaders in your company and seek out chances to ask them questions like:

• What are we trying to accomplish here?
• Why are we doing it the way we are doing it currently?
• What does success look like?
• What happens once we have success? What does that mean?

Real Life Example:

Often the problem being worked on is not the real problem. Recently I was working with a company who had a lot of effort in developing prototypes. But they needed to ask what the purpose of the prototype was. They needed to win over investors. Once a few questions were asked — they realized they needed less work to get in front of investors — at a savings of $200k.

2. Ask for Counsel

Everyone likes to be asked for advice. Actively look for feedback on projects that you are working on and ask leaders in the company how it fits into the bigger picture of what is happening in the company. This will create opportunities for discussions about the wider vision for the company and a chance to ask some of those questions above.

Real Life Example:

A colleague knew there were opportunities for her to contribute to her new team, but she was not sure how her part fit into the larger vision her boss had for the company. During a regular meeting with her boss, she made a point of asking for feedback on her work, asked questions about the bigger plan for the company, and volunteered to help in areas where she knew her past experiences and strengths could be beneficial. By asking for feedbck from her boss on how she was already contributing, she was then able to ask how she could contribute in bigger ways.

3. Make Meetings Count

There are very few people that like meetings, but there are a few things that you can do to make those meetings count more:

• Listen for the purpose of the meeting. The REAL purpose.
• Ask the “elephant in the room” question. You are not the only one who wants to know the answer.
• Ask the question behind the question — in other words — keep asking why.

Real Life Example:

A friend started paying attention to the purpose of the meetings that droned on all day. He started asking the obvious question. Before the meetings he would ask the purpose. Often with one phone call before the meeting, he solved the problem. The result was no meeting and a savings of wasted time. When he does find himself in a meeting, he asks about the desired outcome. His simple questions of meeting purposes has him labeled as the “get it done” guy.

4. Bring People Together

Be the one who knows of the other technology people who should be at the table. They may be in the same company or they may be leaders within the area that you are discussing. This will help you be seen as a facilitator for connecting people and ideas and it will help you become a go-to source for information.

Real Life Example:

I was working as a consultant for a large organization. A few rows over from where I was meeting was another team working on a significantly different problem. But — one of them knew me and knew I had expertise in their area. Soon, I was brought in to help solve their problems. The real winner (for me and them) was the person who introduced me.

Are you ready for a leadership role?

Being a manager in an engineering or technical field requires more than natural leadership qualities. If you are preparing to move into a management position, I invite you to check out the Engineering Management at UAB.

Original article at UAB Engineering Management

About UAB IEM

The Master of Engineering with a concentration in Information in Engineering Management (IEM) at the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) is a specialized program designed primarily for engineers and people in technical positions. The program presents business systems and soft skills in a curriculum that is based on actual engineering industry needs. The program is offered completely online.

Originally published at www.uab.edu.

There are certain soft skills every leader needs — no matter their leadership style. What are soft skills? And why are they soft? I always thought of soft skills like a gruff sailor would look at soft hands — wimpy and weak and belonging to someone who never worked. And, if there are soft skills, are there hard skills?

Yes. Hard skills tend to be easy to measure. Your ability to program in a language, your typing speed, your fluency in a foreign language, your degree in Computer Science with a GPA, etc. In other words, you can easily prove you have specific hard skills.

Soft skills are mostly about dealing with people — including yourself. They are soft because they are hard to measure proficiency. We know them when we see them. If you are not convinced you need soft skills, check out my previous article on the need for soft skills when moving from engineer or technology expert into leadership.

The number one soft skill is leadership — but since leadership is dependent on how well you do others, you will need to start with some basics in the following 5 soft skills every leader needs.

1. Understanding the Difference between Efficiency and Effectiveness

This is a soft skill I never see listed anywhere. However, if you are coming from the view of an engineer or technology expert, this one is critical.

We are used to thinking about getting more done with less. Shorter time, lower power, fewer resources, etc. So we look at work the same way. We want to just get it done. Or, we want to be efficient. But with people, this does not work. I realized this when I read the words of Steven Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People.

“You simply can’t think efficiency with people. You think effectiveness with people and efficiency with things.”

People are complex and have different styles. Two team members might react totally different to a change in a project. One might say OK and move on. The other might have a ton of issues, worries, concerns about it — even thinking the change means their job is going away. One conversation takes a lot longer than the other.

Both are fine. Both people might deliver great results. They just have different styles. They have different needs.

My desire is to have each conversation in 1–5 minutes. My reality — to be effective — is that one might take 30–60 minutes.

That is just people. And without people, I have no team. And without a team, nothing gets done, And if nothing gets done, I am not leading.

2. Effective Communication

Communication is the killer app. The number one challenge with people is poor communication. It is true at work, in non-profits, at church, and in families. We too often assume what others know and think. A whole lot of anger and bitterness is the result of unmet expectations — usually expectations that were never stated in the first place.

To become a better communicator:

• Ask. First, make sure you understand. This is very true in projects at work. Often we do not know what the real goal is, the real timeline or the expectations. I always like to ask “What does a successful outcome look like?” Often when I ask, I am met with blank stares. They have not thought it out. Now we can talk.
• Be clear on what you will deliver and when.
• When you cannot deliver or will under deliver, let others know immediately.
• Prepare for meetings and be ready to be present and concise.
• Be to the point. When writing emails — make sure the point is seen on the main screen if they are reading it on their iPhone.
• Write and speak less and communicate more.
• Draw pictures and diagrams to communicate ideas.
• Ask others if they understand what you are saying. Listen while they repeat it back and make sure.

3. Team Work

Even the simplest of projects takes more than 1 person. Complex projects like delivering or supporting products and services take a multitude of people. The biggest single challenge for companies and leaders is about teams. People seem to overall not work well together.

To be a solid team player is not a magic skill. You just need to think about others, getting the job done, and how you and your team members can get it done best.

Hints to Improve Team Work:

• Get to know your team. You do not have to be best friends but know them enough to know what is on their heart and what concerns them most.
• Realize everyone has a different style. Not better or worse — just different. Some people like to talk through details, others just want the facts.
• Before you meet with the team or even one team member, think through what you want to happen and what they need from you to make it happen. For instance, if you are meeting with a detailed thinker, they will need to see the numbers and details. Know what they need and be ready.
• Before going into team meetings — prepare. Knowing the styles and needs of others you can prepare.
• Ask for advice from your team. Everyone likes to be asked for advice. As long as you learn from it and do not ask the same question over and over.
• Seek to help them do their job better. What can you do that makes their job easier.
• Be on time. Deliver on time, show up to meetings on time. Everyone hates to wait.

4. Motivating People

Motivating might mean encouraging them. You will be a motivator to everyone, those on your team, those who you lead, and to those who lead you. A motivator quickly becomes a leader.

• Be a good team player. See above.
• Know what the overall mission of the team or task is and be able to state it. A lot of frustration comes from lack of clarity about what you are all trying to accomplish. If you do not know, then find out and share it. Everyone hates working on things when they are not clear what the purpose of the work is.
• Repeat the mission to those around you. When things get tough- remind everyone what we are trying to get done here. Often we get into the weeds.
• Be an eternal optimist. I know — this will be a stretch for some — but try it. Assume that we can get it done and tell them that. Others might balk at first, but keep saying it and working toward it.
• Thank them. When someone else delivers for you, thank them. Even in the small things. Surveys in corporations show that people do not feel underpaid, they feel under appreciated. You do not need a party or a trophy to feel appreciated — sometimes you just need a thank you. Say it — and mean it.
• Remember your leaders. Even they need motivation — so treat them like you would those on your team or those you lead.

5. Communicate a Vision

I know it sounds simple — pay them more and they will do what you want. But — you might have limited power over the money. This is good because the pay is not a great motivator. In Drive, Daniel Pink shares the 3 things that motivate people — and pay is not one of them (once they are over a certain level of income — which most are). What does motivate people is being part of something that matters and having some control over their own work.

When you are leading, you have to be able to state why something matters. What is the bigger issue you are working to solve together?

You are communicating a vision. We make vision out to be something abstract — but often it is simple. In one corporate position I held, my job was to track performance in our group so we could show the financial impact to the company. A simple idea.

Once I communicated the idea to others, people started helping — not because I was a great leader — but because they felt this vision and mission was important to them.

I had no authority over the team, they just wanted to be part of something that mattered to them.

Other Leadership Soft Skills

The big ones I have already listed. They are big because they are challenging. But there are other soft skills every leader needs, but they can be developed over time are:

Executive Presence (looking and acting like a leader)

A Willingness to Learn and Grow

I will get to those later.

Footnote: We all know we need soft skills for leadership. When new students come into out Engineering Management program, they tell us they flat out say this is what they need to know. Dealing with people, leadership, communication. They ask for the 5 soft skills every leader needs. So I know — you get it.

Originally published at www.dalecallahan.com on February 6, 2018.

Do you want to be a leader? Almost everyone who starts in our Master in Engineering Management program wants a position in leadership. They are usually seeking leadership in their current company, but many are looking to other companies. Most are eyeing an entrepreneurial venture as the ultimate leadership gig. Yes, everyone is looking to go somewhere involving leadership. But, I think it is fair to ask — do you really want to lead?

Leadership is Not Easier — Just Different

I am not sure why we are attracted to leadership. Is it power? It is having some control of the direction (a wake-up call on that later in this post) or is it just about more money. Perhaps we think the work is more glamorous or even easier. After all, a leader has others doing the work. Right?

While leadership has lots of benefits, it is not easier. It is just a different kind of work. Most who come from an engineering or technology expert role find leadership much more frustrating. Instead of dealing with systems and designs and implementations, they find themselves working with the most complex systems in the world — people. Hope you are looking for a technology challenge!

As I said last week in the article about the need for soft skills, being able to deal with people and enjoy doing it will help you be effective. It will also help you avoid the line to the Prozac counter. In leadership, we move from doing our job, things we controlled, to a much more complex system that is difficult to control.

Early in my career, my vision of work had me working with and controlling complex electrical or electronic systems that I could understand with great clarity and then work to solve problems. But, the work I ended up doing was leading — and boy — was that a complex system.

My first job out of college was a leadership position. I was leading 8–22 people (the way our teams were set-up) and working with and serving many other teams. And, just to make it more interesting, every person was old enough to be my parent — or in some cases grandparent. And — most were women. What a wake-up call.

Frustrating did not even begin to describe the challenges. I yearned to get into the more technical stuff in the company (which we had plenty of) but my days were spent being a leader. Or, perhaps the better term was a mental help professional. I spent hours breaking up arguments between two female coworkers, dealing with crying and yelling fits and trying to calm the daily drama. All my years that I had to overhear soap operas on TV was coming in handy. I was quickly needing mental health help myself. I liked the people — most of them — but could we all just get along?

The truth is, looking back, I had nothing to do. The team was set up so that they did all the work, and I just “managed”. But, the leadership/management was hard work- and very frustrating.

If you think my situation was unique — dream on. I have talked to leaders in all kinds of companies. Some lead highly educated professionals, some lead first-line workers. All will tell you that dealing with children is easier. As one friend, who is a Chief of Staff at a hospital told me, “At least I can spank my kids.”

So as you look at leadership — understand that it is a very different role. Even small changes in leadership responsibilities can be a big change in your work life. You can handle it if you want with a new (and growing) knowledge of soft skills — but do you want it? Some love it — some hate it.

Leadership in Your Current Company — Moving Up

Most people seem to want to move up in leadership in their current company. Sounds easy enough — you already know a lot about the company. But, each company has their own culture. Before you decide you want to move up the food chain in yours, make sure you know what leadership looks like. What is a leaders life like?

Recently, a friend of mine was seeking VP positions in his company. He is a great leader — awesome on the soft skills. But, as he was seeking the new position, his VP wisely said to him, “Are you sure you want this? Look at us, we all wear suits and ties every day without exception — you hate that. Then we go to meetings all day, and you are a guy who manages to cut meetings short. That will not happen here. “

Wise advise. To have some idea of what leadership looks like — look at how your current leaders spend their days. How do they dress? Are they happy? Do you want that?

When I worked for BellSouth, (now AT&T), I saw a lot of people who were union (first line workers) want to move into management. They would go through training, and when a position opened — some would get those management roles. They would trade in their tools for a clipboard.

While some prospered, most asked for their old job back. We would say “John has asked for his tools back.” They would discover that their old non-leadership job had less frustration and often — because of overtime, more money. When they moved back out of leadership — they would have these massive smiles on their face.

So, before you start down this path, ask questions of those other leaders and get an understanding of what their life is like. You may love it, you may hate it — but see clearly where you are trying to go. Not all companies will let you take your tools back.

Leadership in Another Company

But, what if you are looking for another company. The same issues are true, but it can be harder to see inside to learn how a leader lives. Look carefully at how the company operates. Get in touch with leaders at a level or two above where you are in the company (check out my post on using LinkedIn to find the right people). Take them to lunch or coffee and ask a lot of common sense questions about their day to day life on the job. Being informed will help you make a better decision. Making these connections is also a great way to open doors to opportunity and get offers.

Every company is different, and even inside companies the leadership teams often operate differently. So, do not set your sights on just one person or team inside the company, talk to a few and learn all you can.

I have spent a lot of time with corporate leadership. With some, they are excited and motivated and talk about their role with the company and their vision with great delight. They love what they do. Others hardly talk about their company or what they do. You can tell they hate their job. Some just complain about their job. It is not rocket science to figure out the culture of leadership. Find out before you leap.

Leadership Does Not Mean Being in Charge

I have often heard people say they want to be in leadership because they want to have more influence. I get that — it sounds noble and all — but it is not always reality.

One of my greatest lessons in leadership came very early in my career. I was to pick up one of our top executives at the airport to bring him to a meeting. Instead of going to the main airport terminal, I was directed to where the private jets came in. Wow — I thought — he is really important. Why was I picking him up? But, once I met him, I realized I was picking him up (instead of a limo or something else) because he was really pretty down to earth and a nice guy. (Yes — he was great at working with people — those soft skills again.)

On the way to the office, he was telling me that he had started in the company at the bottom climbing poles and doing the actual work. He spoke with great admiration of the company he served (something I did not feel).

“How does it feel after all these years to finally be in a position where you can make things happen?”

He looked over at me and simply said:

“I will let you know if I ever get there.”

Even in his senior position, as an international expert and leader in his field, he felt he had limited control and influence over such as huge company and industry. He was not frustrated about it — but he was aware that his authority and leadership had severe limits. He was a real leader.

Do You want to Be a Leader?

Leadership at its basic core is getting people to work with you to accomplish a mission. You have to LEAD and not TELL. You have to be the one to influence people and motivate them to want to serve a mission bigger than them.

Leadership is a powerful thing, and if done well, you can impact a lot of lives in a positive way — including yours and your families. But, it is a whole new kind of work that will require you to learn new skills and grow on a daily basis.

Originally published at www.dalecallahan.com on January 30, 2018.

When I started to work after engineering school, I was confused. Why did my high-end technical skills not seem as important as all the other things? Why did the people making the decisions seem either low on tech skills or like they had moved past them? All that time in engineering classes learning complex systems and design — and it is not really appreciated on the job. How frustrating.

Worse — and I mean really worse — was that the people in positions of power all seemed like they were “people people” — you know, the kind who like to network and be friendly to everyone. Yuck!!

Not only did I not want to do that, I also thought it was for wimps. But the truth also is, I was afraid to even try. Networking was not my thing. All those “soft skills” were not for me — or so I thought.

If you are like me, and see something on the other side and want to add more value to your company (translated to — I want to make more money) then you might want to take another look at those “soft skills”.

Soft Skills are More Important than Technical Skills

First, you have to admit — and I know it is hard — soft skills are more critical to your career growth than technical skills. There — I said it. Let it sink in. Send me hate-mail. Does not matter — it is just true.

I will even go further — even if you want to be your own boss and head for the entrepreneur’s journey where you can skip all the corporate garbage and games — soft skills are even more important there.

Why would I say this? For this simple reason. All money that will ever come into your pocket, all jobs you will ever get, promotions you will receive, all the sales of your products and services, they all involve one thing — people. And — dealing with people is the most complex system you will ever have to work with.

So let me restate — every opportunity in life will come through people.

Not robots or machines — but people. Deals are made by people — and people are who will recognize and use your talents.

People are the Problem — and the Solution

Be honest — where do your work challenges come from? Is it people or machines?

For the past few years, I have been running a Masters in Engineering Management program — where we teach students who have between 1 and 30+ years of industry experience. They range from technical first line employees to executives. I have a regular coaching call with every one of them where I ask “What is your greatest struggle?”

I wish I could say they were having a challenge mastering some tech skill, but in almost every case their problem has been about people.

Do not believe me — here are the questions from my last calls:

“My boss does not recognize my value and will not raise my pay to the level of others.” — PEOPLE

“My coworkers will hardly work with me. We are measured competitively and then asked to work together.” — PEOPLE

“We have poor leadership — and no one knows what we are supposed to do or what matters.” — PEOPLE

“I want to grow into a new role or leadership position — but not sure how.” — PEOPLE

“Working on the executive team is cut-throat and I cannot trust my coworkers or other leadership” — PEOPLE

“We are measured on one thing and told another is most important. How am I supposed to be successful?” — PEOPLE

“I am bored and want more responsibility — but my boss just ignores me.” — PEOPLE

“We have way too many meetings that are pointless — and no way to get out of them.” — PEOPLE

“What tools or resources would you recommend for a team that has a lot of moving parts and needs better communication?” — PEOPLE

I could go on and on about their issues. But sometimes the PEOPLE is you. Another common issue related to soft skills is self-management.

Just yesterday a student told me “Thank You for being honest.” Previously I had told him that the issue was him — he was blaming others for his problem and not controlling what he had the power to control. He got mad — but later saw the light. The person giving him the most grief was himself.

Another one I often hear is time management (one of the biggest common issues). Most are overwhelmed and overworked and feel like a ton is coming at them.

So, many of the greatest challenges you will have at work will be related to those soft skills. Become a ninja master at these, and life gets easier. Fail to master them, and frustration gets bigger.

You Can Learn Soft Skills — and Even Enjoy Using Them

OK — so you get it — people and soft skills matter. (Or perhaps you are getting ready to write me a nasty email — but that also involves dealing with people — so there!)

If you are breaking out in hives over this — then join the crowd. I certainly had a panic attack. OK — so maybe you are not as OCD and freaked out about people as I was — or maybe you are. We might call this being an Introvert — but I think that is not quite accurate.

So instead of labeling ourselves, just be aware that you can learn these skills, be great at them, and even enjoy doing them. (No — I am not speaking heresy here!)

I Hated Those Soft Skills

When I was in engineering school, the faculty brought all of the engineering seniors into a room to talk about careers. (A great idea that I do not see happen very often in engineering schools).

One of the speakers really hit me. He said, something like….

No one cares about your resumes — everything comes to you through your network. You need to network. People are the key. Your network, your teamwork, your leadership. That is where success comes from.

On hearing these words I literally broke out in a cold sweat. I had envisioned my career as sitting in a lab where they would slide pizza under the door to feed me. I would work alone and be brilliant. That was my dream job.

Teamwork, networking, being with people — yuck.

Perhaps I was extreme (and perhaps you are also) — but now I can tell you that it was a great blessing that I heard — and later understood — those words.

Fact is — I was not that great in the lab. And, I have found working with people is easier and much more profitable than working in the lab. I still hate networking events — but I know how to do them. But more importantly, I learned to network on my terms. I learned to be in control of my soft skills — and so can you.

You Do Not Have to Change Your Personality

If you are thinking that you need to turn into a soft wimp who walks around with a big smile shaking hands and slapping people on the back — you are wrong. You do not need to change who you are!

You do not even always have to enjoy it. Some of the best people I know in networking and other soft skills are highly introverted and quiet, analytical, and even brilliant engineers. But, they are awesome with people. They have mastered people like they mastered their technology. But — they do it their way being themselves. You can too.

You Will Love It

Engineers and technology experts love complex systems. They love to figure out how to make things work. Good thing.

People are the most complex system you can find. If you start taking a systems engineering viewpoint toward all the people you work with, you will learn to work the levers and turn the knobs to get what you need.

Where to Get Started Learning Soft Skills

Learning anything new is hard and overwhelming — especially if it is out of your comfort zone. Where do you start?

First, accept that you need them — and then take a deep breath and say “I have a lot to learn.” That is all you need. You do not have to be an expert on day 1, or even on day 1000.

Second, perhaps the biggest and most powerful skill is to develop a positive attitude. If you are a complainer or someone who always beats yourself up, start by trying to change your language — mostly to yourself. When you catch yourself being negative, stop and remind yourself you are learning and it will be OK. A friend of mine had posted on his computer screen “I am getting better and better every day.” As cheesy as that seemed at the time, he told me it was his reminder to stop kicking himself and make simple steps daily.

Thirdly, start where you are. You do not have to be perfect — just start with the awareness. Look over the list of soft skills I have mentioned. Start taking notice of what leaders around you do well. You might think it is just their personality — but you could learn. Just spend some time being aware.

In the next few weeks, I will be sharing some details about how leaders grow. I will be teaching you how to evaluate your plan for leadership, how to find and connect with mentors, how to network, and many other things you will need. But all on your own terms — without needing a personality change. So keep watch.

Originally published at www.dalecallahan.com on January 23, 2018.

I hear a lot about work-life balance. Frankly, it makes me feel guilty. I feel like there is a project I have not done. I need to get on it. It makes me feel as if I am living life wrong. I read the articles about how to balance my work and my life, and I have no desire to do what they suggest. Am I a bad person? Or, is it possible the authors of all this wisdom start with some bad assumptions?

What is Work-Life Balance?

I have been trying to work-life balance. But what is work? What is life? Are they really two different things? I mean — when I am working, am I dead? Or am I still alive?

What do we even mean when we say “work-life balance”? Not that I can know what everyone means, but I am pretty sure much of this talk is out of fear.

Fear of being a workaholic and never think about anything but work.

Fear of bringing our work home.

Fear of bringing our home to work.

All may be valid concerns. We all need some boundaries in life. At the very least we need boundaries with people. (Henry Cloud’s book Boundaries is a must read on this topic.)

But I get the sense these people who talk about work-life balance want us to have some kind of a mental scrubber that erases our brain as we walk out of our office heading home. Is this even possible?

How Do They Suggest We Balance Work and Life?

I know, I am using the dreaded “they” word — but I guess I mean the collective wisdom about work. I constantly hear my graduate students in engineering management say they need to develop more work-life balance — so the message is out there. When I hear others say they need more work-life balance — I ask what they mean. Here are some common answers:

“I need to not take work home.” “When I leave the office, I need to leave it all there and not take it home with me.” “I need to leave the office on time.” “When I am with family, I need to be present.” (which I think means pay attention to them)

“When I am working, I need to quit thinking about home and family issues.” (which I think means to keep your mind on work)

I guess all of these are good in theory — but are they really practical?

Why Work-Life Balance is Wrong

First, we have to face it, our work is part of who we are.

I know we live in a time where you are not supposed to identify yourself with your work. I remember being told that when I meet someone new, I am not supposed to ask them what they do.

Why not? Are they ashamed of what they do? Would they rather do something else? Or is their life massively interesting without their work? So if you cannot ask what you do — what do I ask you? (Where did you get those cool shoes?)

But I Hate My Job

A lot of people just hate their job. Survey results show that in the United States — arguably the freest country in the world — over 50% of the people do not like their work. Really? So is that why they are ashamed of what they do? Is that why they need balance?

We are defined by what we do.

Face it — whether we like our work or not — we are defined by what we do. Doctors, lawyers, CPAs, engineers, clerks, welders, … you name it … we are defined by what we do for a living. This is nothing to be ashamed of (if it is, you need to start rethinking how to find the work you will love to call your own)

We Need to Work Less — but Not for Balance

We wear businesses like a badge of honor. But, that does not mean we are getting anything done. In fact, often the most productive people work less — or at least they appear to be working less. I know in my job as an Associate Dean, I am often solving problems or trying to come up with strategy. As much as I would like to believe I can go sit in the office and start to strategize — it does not work. In fact, I often solve the problems while with family, while driving, or even while sleeping. Sure, if my job was to ring up customers, ship product out the door, or answer the phone, it would be hard for me to be productive when not at work. But for those of us in the “knowledge work” business, we need space to solve problems. Space is where creativity happens.

I used to feel guilty about this — thinking I needed to work more or show up more for meetings etc. But in reality — little of that produces results. Sometimes less truly is more.

What Should We Do Instead?

The real issue is not about work-life balance, but where are we spending our time. It is not a juggling act. When I am at home with my wife and kids, I am often thinking about work. In fact, my wife and my kids want to know some things about what I do — that is part of knowing me. They often inspire me to a new idea about a company or my work. I may not act on that — but I am certainly thinking about it. I might even jot some notes down to myself about the idea. I might ask others to help me think through it right on the spot. Their outside perspective on my work actually helps me.

The same thing happens when I am at work. I am often thinking of my family. Again, ideas hit me and I may even act on them.

The Freedom Goal

The one thing we want in our culture more than money is freedom. The freedom to do the work you love and work where you want and when you want drives many to an entrepreneurial lifestyle or to specific jobs that allow them a lifestyle of freedom.

If you get this freedom, what do you need to balance? Me personally, I am always working and thinking about work. As well, I am always thinking about and being with my family.

This sounds a lot more like priorities than balance. It is not work-life balance — it is making the decision about how we spend our time on our priorities.

If you hate your job or have developed a workaholic mentality — then go after the work-life balance and take action. But, if you are seeking freedom — where you love what you do and are proud of the way you serve the world, forget balance — instead just be who you are. Set some priorities and goals in your life and start taking action to live life. It is not a balancing act like a circus performance — it is about paying attention to what matters and living at the moment. You have enough to do without having a balancing act to add to the day.

Originally published at www.dalecallahan.com on January 16, 2018.

Yet, one of the most common questions my clients ask me is “What should I ask when in the meeting?” No matter what it is called (formal interview, an informational interview, or a reverse interview) you need to ask questions that will 1) generate the answers you need, 2) make a good impression, and 3) help you develop a good relationship. The relationship is the most important. So what do you ask? And perhaps more important, what do you do with the answers?

The Purpose of Informational Interview Questions

A lot of mistakes are made in informational interviews. See my post on the 4 common mistakes here. But the most common is a lack of understanding of the purpose of this interview.

The informational interview should help you learn about an opportunity. This might be to discover a new job. Or you might learn of a new startup opportunity. (I use these same techniques when I work with startups in my Building Your Own Business Course) The key purpose is to gather information. You need to learn. Learn about a company, a job, a profession, or an industry. You need to take a look inside and see if what these people do on a daily basis excites you. (Don’t think the startup is for you? Maybe you need to think about the risk of not having a company.)

Who You Should Be Interviewing

Since the purpose of an informational interview is to get inside knowledge, you should NOT be talking to Human Resources (HR) unless you hope to work in HR. The informational interview is best used when talking to a person who either has the power to hire or is someone you want to become. Think one or two levels above the job you want.

** As an aside — you can also use this powerful tool on the day job to create deeper relationships.

Three Questions to Ask During the Informational Interview

Question 1 — How did you get to where you are today? (Or “tell me your story.”)
This question breaks open the floodgates. It instantly opens up the interviewee because you are asking them to talk about themselves, which is their favorite subject. This trick I learned from reading the classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. So just be up front and ask them to tell you their story. Their answer will help you connect to them and them to you. You will learn a ton about how to get into the business they are in and what to do first. And, because you are asking an expert to talk about their favorite subject, this one question could take while. Expect their answer — with your followup questions — to take from 5 to 60 minutes.

Question 2 — What do you hate and love about your job? This is also a question about how they feel. But now you get to hear some pros and cons from their view. You might also learn some things they hate doing in their job that you love to do. For instance, while interviewing a cake designer, you may find out they hate talking to customers. This information tells you some of their business needs, since this designer might be very willing to hire someone who loves cakes and who also loves talking to customers. In other words, you might learn about a job opening they did not know about themselves.

Question 3 — What keeps you awake at night? (You can change the wording based on the conversation, perhaps to say something like “What is your greatest challenge?” or “What keeps you from making more profit?”) This question is literally a million dollar question. It has been used to find a niche in a market in which many a company were formed. Listen closely to their reply.

Their answer to this one single question will tell you what they are willing to pay for. Think about the question yourself. What keeps you awake at night? If someone could walk up and make that go away, would you be willing to hire them? Of course you would. And so will they.

I have used this question to uncover hundreds of jobs. Students and clients of mine have used this single question to find opportunities where there were no official job openings.

What do you do after asking the informational interview questions

The first two questions will help you understand their background and to open them up to talk. But question 3 is loaded with information. Some things to watch for with this final question:

• Do they struggle? If they struggle with this question and seem to not have a real clue about the business challenges they have, you might be talking to a middle manager or someone who is not the real decision maker. The true leader can usually tell you instantly where the challenges of the business lie.
• What is the cost? As they tell you the answer, think about cost. How much financial pain does their problem bring? If you are talking to a true business leader (and no this does not always mean the CEO or owner), they are likely to share this information with you. For instance, I had an occasion where someone told me their problem and it generated a $2.5 million risk. Another friend of mine was told of a problem which generated a loss of $5 million per month for his interviewee. We call these losses and risks pain. People will pay to make their greatest pain go away.

What to Do Next

Obviously you should follow up and thank them. But that was covered in my previous post on reverse interviews. (Sometimes the informational interview is called a reverse interview) But now, armed with the information from their answers, you are in a powerful position with this company. You now know the following:

• Is it interesting? If the company or industry is still interesting, you can move on to develop a deeper relationship.
• Were you talking to someone with authority? Based on their answers, or lack of answers, you should know if they have the power to spend money and hire you.
• Is their pain worth solving? Based on the third question about their pain (what keeps them up at night) you might have an idea of the money involved. A $1,000 per month problem is not really that exciting. A $10,000 per month problem can generate a job.
• Keep doing interviews. If you do 10 or more of these, you will likely find multiple opportunities.

Over the years, I have seen this approach be far more successful at finding jobs, and the right jobs, than sending out resumes, job fairs, online job boards and many of the other ways to find a job. The result of the informational approach is a relationship, which expands your network and can lead to new and exciting opportunities. Just remember — all opportunities in life will come through your network. The bigger your network, the bigger your opportunities.

If you are leading people for the first time you are likely a bit intimidated — and maybe a little excited. Leadership has this mysterious nature to it. Yet, when we step back we realize leadership is really about helping people help you to reach a goal. You are now part of a team and they need you to point the direction. How do you do that? I will share some basic leadership principles, as well as, some specific actions to improve your leadership.

Key Leadership Principles

Leadership is a moving target. If you are leading people for the first time or have been leading for years, the principles are all the same.

Attitude
Be positive, optimistic, and realistic. Attitude is very contagious.

Service
You are now serving both your leader and those you lead

Communication
You must be clear about what you want and willing to listen.

Team
Drop the “I” word excepting when taking blame or responsibility. This is not about you — it is about we.

Relationships
People follow you because you care about them and help them grow.

Setting clear boundaries and expectations
If you do not tell me what you expect, how do I know when I win? Be clear. Otherwise you will frustrate your team.

Casting and sharing a vision
We all want to be part of something that is going somewhere. Help me see where we are going and what we are working for.

Rinse and Repeat
Learn to repeat yourself often. Repeat your vision, your expectation, and your praise.

15 Minute Fixes for Leaders

These are all actions YOU can take in about 15 minutes that will have a dramatic impact on your leadership — especially when leading people for the first time.

1. Define customer expectations — Find out from your boss what his/her vision is for your team. Nothing deep — but how do they see a win. I prefer to do this in a quick conversation so I get their top of mind issues.
2. Repeat it back — Take what your boss told you and put in very succinctly into an email. Just say “This is what I heard you say, just making sure I got it right.” Wait for confirmation or clarification.
3. Share with the team — Email your team and tell them what the boss thinks. Use your boss’s exact words. Ask them for feedback — how can each of them contribute to the objective of your boss? Wait for their feedback. This might take you spending a little more time chatting with them to process it — but stay at it until you get some feedback from each person. Now in this process you have two key things to consider:
   a) What matters to your boss in his or her own words and
   b) How your team translates those words.It is critical that you understand the words used by each side. You are the translator from the strategic view of your boss to the tactical view of your team.
4. Now craft a quick vision statement for your team using the words they have provided. Again — use their words! Email it to them. (Yes, this is a 15 minute activity.)
5. Set normal team meetings (daily or weekly) and keep it SHORT. Send out an email announcing and then put it on your calendar.
6. Run the 15 minute meetings like this. Each person shares a) What are they working on and b) Where are they stuck. (Standing meetings are often helpful to hold the time down)
7. Write down what you expect from each person in email — keep it! (15 minutes per person)
8. Meet with them one-on-one and ask about their goals and how you can help them. (Might take more than 15 minutes per person — but well worth it)
9. Rinse and repeat quarterly or semi-annually.

While these actions are not everything you will have to do, they will put you way in front of what most leaders do to serve their people.

Originally published at www.dalecallahan.com on November 1, 2016.

Want to find ideas to start your own business? Like me, most of you struggle to with how to find ideas to start your own business. Finding ideas sounds so simple. After all, we have tons of business ideas — that is until it becomes real and we start to act. It is when we are ready to start that indecision and a lack of clarity begins to haunt us. We are often left frustrated thinking we have no real ideas. But, there is hope. Let’s start by looking at the problem in another way. Instead of looking for a business idea, consider you are a business that is in the Research and Development phase. So now, as chief of Research and Development (R&D), finding the idea IS doing your job.

**To hear more details about the list below go to the podcast. **

Five Tricks to Help You Find Ideas to Start Your Own Business (Your R&D)

One > Keep a small notebook with you.

I use a Moleskine, but some use Simple Note or Evernote.

Two > Change Your Environment (daily if you can)

• Get out of the Corporate Lobotomy mode — Get around others who are thinking ideas — mastermind groups, community of entrepreneurs, etc.
• Use your eyes and ears — not your brain.
• Not just going to Starbucks and thinking — but that can help. Get out and see what is going on.

Three > Expand Your Input

• Go to Bookstore and find business magazines and scan them. Entrepreneur, Forbes, etc magazine, blogs, etc.
• Use Feedly and create a reading list of content to inspire you.
• Do not feel guilty if you find you are also adding blogs about your hobby (home decor etc) but instead use them as research
• Talk to more people — what challenges are they facing (see my post on reverse interviews — a great way to find problems)

Four > Watch What You Normally Ignore

Every time information comes to you — podcast, blog, magazine, ad, etc — ask yourself

• What are they selling?
• How are they making money?
• Who is behind it?

Keep a list of all these things daily and review them during your R&D time.

Five > Use Frustrations as a Key

• Keep notes during the day/week of things that frustrate you and others.
• What is “broken” at work? What problems do you solve over and over in non-perfect ways. Weight loss and healthcare stuff has no caring people to help.
• Even simple things. Who solves those problems simple problems? Think about Zappos Shoes, Uber, AirBNB, or Shipt.

Conclusion

Remember, businesses are not always about genius ideas, they often just solve common problems. Look for problems right in front of you

Originally published at www.dalecallahan.com on September 27, 2016.

Do you have the technology skills, but feel left out of the leadership and decisions? Do you feel under appreciated? Is it as if all the important decisions go on with limited input from you — even when they are stupid decisions? How can you become part of the bigger conversation and get the bigger salaries to go with it? Do you need to do some engineering for your career?

Click to Listen to the Podcast

Key Principles for Engineering Your Career

It isn’t about technology

• No one talks about a hammer. The hammer is the technology.
• People care about the result of using the hammer.

Only those who get noticed get rewarded — The Janitorial Principle

• You never notice a janitor unless they have done something wrong.
• Key is to add value in natural ways.
• Your job is like that of a janitor. You have to work to get noticed.

Question the power — The power is not the answers you give — it is in the questions you ask.

• What are we trying to accomplish here?
• Why?
• What does success look like?
• What happens once we have success? What does that mean?

It is always about the people

• team members
• customers
• leaders

What Can You Do Now to Engineer Your Career

1. Ask Better Questions — Who are the leaders and thought leaders. Seek out chances to ask them questions.
 — What challenges are they facing?

The goal is to learn how your technical skills can solve their problems. But, you have to know about and really understand the underlying problem.

Often the problem being worked on is not the real problem. Recently I was working with a company who had a lot of effort in developing prototypes. But they needed to ask what the purpose of the prototype was. They needed to win over investors. Once a few questions were asked — they realized they needed less work to get in front of investors — at a savings of $200k.

2. Ask for Counsel — Everyone likes to be asked for advice. Seek out thought leaders to get feedback on your issues. The result will be that you get into a discussion and will learn of bigger things going on around the company.

3. Make Meetings Count — Listen for the purpose of the meeting. The REAL purpose. — Ask the “elephant in the room” question. You are not the only one who wants to know the answer. — Ask the question behind the question — in other words — keep asking why.

– Example: A friend started paying attention to the purpose of the meetings that droned on all day. He started asking the obvious question. Before the meetings he would ask the purpose. Often with one phone call before the meeting, he solved the problem. The result was no meeting and a savings of wasted time. When he does find himself in a meeting, he asks about the desired outcome. his simple questions of meeting purposes has him labeled as the get it done guy.

Originally published at www.dalecallahan.com on April 28, 2015.