Stories by Dhanha Bien-Aime on Medium

What I Learned This Birthday Season

Dhanha Bien-Aime — Tue, 20 Apr 2021 23:38:50 GMT

Aries season is officially over. About 2 weeks ago I celebrated another year around the sun. April 5, 2021 was my birthday and I learned so much as I celebrate officially being in my mid 30’s. I went to an escape room, had brunch, had 2 dinners with friends and family. It was a great time at each event. What did I learn with these celebrations? l learned a couple of things that I will share:

Being a late bloomer and nerd is a blessing in disguise. Reflecting in my early 30’s about my teen years and 20’s I thought I was weird and missed out on a lot of stuff because I was a late bloomer and a nerd. I hardly dated, wasn’t in the social scene, and just went to work, school, and church. I thought I was missing something but honestly I can say that I live a drama free life with little heartache and unnecessary pain and pressure. Kudos to me for being a “boring”person.
Sex is overrated. Sex is good and all but it is really not much to it. It is crazy how growing up in church it is placed so much value and it gives you value if you wait to have sex. Honestly I can see why sex is so accessible because it so easy and a no brainer. It is not all that. In a society in which is everything is sexualized there is more to life than sex. Don’t get me wrong God created it and it is amazing but it is overrated.
Check on your friends. I reconnected with several friends over the phone and I learned a lot about life and myself. We live in world where people are afraid to give a real answer when someone asks you how are you? It is imperative that we find someone we can answer to and give a real response to that question.
Get out of your comfort zone. I need to get out of my comfort zone. I realized after grad school, I got too comfortable with myself. I need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I have restarted my fitness journey, hired a financial advisor, and I will travel this summer among other things.

These are the things I learned in my personal new year. I have grown so much since April 5, 2020. Until next year.

My Bad Decisions and What You Can Learn From Them…

Dhanha Bien-Aime — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 21:45:31 GMT

One sign of being an adult is making decisions. Decision making is a life long skill and there are countless articles about it. I am not going to write a whole bunch of strategies about making decisions. Instead, I will talk about some decisions I regret and what I have learned from them. These lessons will provide you with your own decision making advice from me.
What is my first bad decision as a young adult? I believe the college I went to. I only went to Baruch College because I would be part of the SEEK program. The SEEK program was a program created by CUNY ( City University of New York) to help low income and potential college students succeed in college. In other terms, I would be getting extra financial aid and academic support. It sounded good but to be honest Baruch College is overrated. I did not enjoy my stay at the school. The academics were too easy and I really did not enjoy campus life. I really only had one friend from that school and I hardly saw her. I should have chosen a school that would propel me to the media career that I craved early on in my life. The alumni network was very weak and I did not get the real career support I really needed.
Another bad decision I made in my college years was the major I chose. At first, I was going to choose business journalism to be a journalist but I heard there was no money in journalism. So I choose corporate communications. Did that help me? no. I currently am a substitute teacher at the New York City Department of Education. What a waste of time and energy.
The dumbest mistake I can attest to was taking a Master’s degree in Communications Arts. The degree did not help me at all. I am over 50k in debt and I am still in the job market searching for a coveted media position. It has been 11 years of no media career in a full-time capacity.
If I could do it all over again, I would have gone to Syracuse or Hofstra University. I would have taken a journalism degree and I would not go to grad school unless my employer paid for my degree. What I have learned from this: go with your first choices in life and do not listen to your parents who did not go to college in the United States.
Decision making means owning up to your bad decisions and moving on. I have owned up to my decisions. I am currently still looking for a media role and soon I am going to work on a graduate school loan re-payment plan. Please make your choices for yourself and not for anyone else. Decisions will always be part of life,choose wisely.

My 20 Plus Journey Into Personal Development

Dhanha Bien-Aime — Tue, 03 Nov 2020 18:06:49 GMT

Personal development is nothing new to me. I had my first taste of personal development when I was about 11 years old. My mom gave me a copy of “Chicken Soup for the Soul” It has been a 20 plus year journey of self-improvement. I started reading when I was 3 years old, the library was a favorite place for me to visit as a child. Reading to improve me would eventually be the norm for me. Instead of fiction, I was drawn to non-fiction books.

To me, personal development is improving yourself to the next level. I also listen to podcasts, have enrolled in some courses, and watch great content on Youtube. I love Instagram accounts that empower me as a Black queen. I am pro-black and all about improving myself.

However, I have realized some people in the personal development industry can just be like the crooked preachers on television. I am not going to mention any names but, one course that I enrolled in suggested that people download an app for a loan in an app that provided personal loans to people. Why couldn’t you tell the public that if you can not afford my program this is not the program for you.

I have spent so much money on courses and books. What I realize is that you have to be your own guru. Take all the knowledge that applies to you and run with it. Listening to everyone in the industry and being lost in the variety of opinions can be paralyzing. Also, you have to remember there is a difference between facts and opinions. Tread lightly.

What can you do to start your personal development journey? Look at yourself and see what you would like to improve about yourself. Do you want to build wealth? Read books about wealth building. Do you want to be more healthy? Watch youtube videos that you can relate to health. Choose wisely. Your diet does not only mean what you eat and drink, but it also means the content you consume and the people you listen to in person or virtually.

I have been on this journey to be the best version of myself since I was 11. I know I was so young. However, what I learned it is never too early or too late to improve yourself. Personal development is whatever you want it to be. You are your biggest life project. Invest in yourself. You are your biggest investment.

I Was a Writer All Along: Changing My Career From PR to Editorial World

Dhanha Bien-Aime — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 16:45:43 GMT

My Love for Media

I love reading content and creating content. In junior high school my favorite project was my creative writing journal. I remember writing a how-to guide on how to be cool. I mentioned who was hot, who was not and the cool brands to wear at 11 years old.I was ahead of my time. I always had an opinion and one of my classmates labeled me a know it all. I consumed the media watching MTV and VH1, and reading all the latest teen magazines. It was evident that I wanted a career in media. The turning point of what I wanted to do came when I was 13 years old. I had a school project to research three careers. I chose fashion designer, writer, but I was missing a third career. At the time I was a research nerd who would visit the library on a frequent basis. I asked my librarian about where to find information about careers, she told me about the occupational handbook. Being the bookworm that I am, I scanned through it. I found this job title entitled Public Relations Specialist. I read the job description and said to myself I will do a report on this career. Low and behold, I knew I could probably be a public relations specialist.
Before I graduated junior high school, I had to pick a high school to attend. I looked for high schools that had strong English or Communications programs. I said to myself I need this because I am going to be a Public Relations Specialist. This is all going through my mind when I was just 14. Fast forward senior year of high school, I look for colleges that have a communications program because I want to be in the media and be a publicist, so I thought. I start college and then I say to myself I really love writing and want to do this. I was confused and did not know if I wanted to be a journalist or a publicist. I declared my major in journalism but doubt crept in. This was the late 2000’s and there was the notion that print was dead. I really thought could I really thrive and write for a newspaper or magazine since everything is going digital. Some friends I talked to mentioned,would I even make a living as a journalist?So out of desperation, I decided to become a publicist which was an option but it was a safe one.I graduated Baruch College in New York City in 2009.

The Media Journey Begins

This is when the never-ending journey of being a publicist commenced. I went to so many networking events, volunteered, got scammed money, got told I look like a church girl, cried, went to many internship interviews, joined professional organizations, was angry, ignored by fellow publicists and still did not get my coveted pr position. What was funny all throughout this ordeal I still loved to write and consume magazines and read newspapers. In 2010 out of pure boredom, I started my blog “Yes I Have An Opinion”. In a particular pr internship, which was virtual, I interviewed Beauty and Fashion editors and posted on the company blog. Slowly but surely I was still writing despite looking for a PR role. In 2015, I joined the writing staff of YouTube series The Sasha Nycole Show. Another turning point occurred my friend Sasha Nycole and founder/CEO of Sasha Nycole Entertainment LLC told me do I want to do PR and write at the same time? I thought about it and thought about it. I still did not make up my mind. I then decided to try grad school for PR. Why would I do this knowing that you do not need a Masters to thrive in the PR world?

My Turning Point

Besides that point, I started grad school and took a special PR class in which I was the Account Executive. My aha moment came last Fall semester, PR is not for me. What is so funny is that most of my friends who knew told me why did I want to do PR in the first place. Taking that class showed me that I really did not want to manage relationships all day. I just wanted to be creative and create content on my MacBook. The networking aspect of PR took a toll on me, I started to not trust women in media because of my bad experiences. I stopped going to networking events. I realized this is not for me. Nonetheless, I thank God, I always continued doing my first gift which was to write and create content. Along the way, I met some amazing people who write for a living. I have decided to become a writer and create content full time. My goal is to write in a newspaper, magazine or digital outlet before I receive my Masters. It has been a long hard road. I always was a writer. I had to be myself and share my gift with the world. Side note: I also write poetry and plan to share this again in the form of spoken word.
To my readers be true to who you are. Trust the process. Be around people who support you and believe in your gifts. I was a writer all along and will be till the casket drops. Thanks for reading.