More often than not in the world today people are more likely to believe the story of an ex-girlfriend over that of the guy cause hey, equality!

Now I'm not saying I'm a saint or nothing but I hardly believe that anyone could be as venomous or as poisonous as we make them out to be.

But that's just the beginning of my story.

Just last weekend I was sitting in the middle of the studio I work for talking to my master and mentor about my issues with the fact that I could never be alone with my thoughts.

3 hours later after a long talk and a little bit of manly crying somehow I've sorted it out and suddenly it didn't matter that I was alone on Valentine's day this year (Sorry Crystal late night coffee and Pride + Prejudice + Zombies doesn't count).

Suddenly I could be alone with my own thoughts. The voices are still there constantly telling me I'll never be good enough. Anxiety reminds me that there's always work to be done, while Depression nags at me that no matter what I do I won't amount to anything.

But after Sunday the 2 constant demons I fight with daily suddenly stopped mattering and all that mattered was the music I work on.

I realised today while sitting in my room at 2 in the morning that this transformation started when she blocked me over Christmas over some misunderstanding of me sending heartfelt messages to people I love.

When she blocked me I felt angry, I felt annoyed, I felt desperate. It was unfair, everything that we were, we were supposed to be friends but suddenly I've become this terrible monster of a person to someone who I held dear to.

And after last Sunday, it no longer mattered. She's free to do whatever she wants and react however she can. It no longer mattered.

I learnt after that another ex of mine only kept me on Facebook because of some pictures but called me a choice set of names and blocked me after I decided that I need to end this charade of friendship and start eliminating the various chains that held me back from me being me.

Now I'm not saying I'm there yet, I'm probably not a good person either since my personal stance on things are decidedly neutral and very self-centered and I don't like blaming people for the way I've become (despite whining to my best friends about how the world sucks and I'll die alone and alcoholic). But I'm sure I'll get there someday.

I hope one day I can be friends again with the people who have left me behind or that I've left behind. We all say things and do things that hurt each other but no one should leave the world behind with things unsaid or deeds undone.

I hope you've found the peace I have.