“Wow, it must be really scary to be doing what you’re doing”

Subtext being i.e. quitting your secure job, giving up your home, travelling halfway round the world with no clear idea of where you’re going next.

You know what, no, it’s not scary.

Scary is hiding under a table in Parisian café whilst you hear gunshots ricocheting around the streets of darkness.

Scary is four painful days recovering from a double mastectomy, waiting to hear that your cancer is in the bin.

Scary is not knowing if it’s safe to close your eyes in your makeshift bed on the cold hard pavement, as your fellow homeless strangers vie for the warmth of your covers.

Scary is saying goodbye to your loved ones and stepping into a flimsy boat and setting off on a 750 mile journey across treacherous, open seas towards a promised new life in a unknown land.

Shedding one of societies labels for a while is not scary. It’s exhilarating and life affirming. It’s also affording me the opportunity, time and space to learn who I really am.

I’ve landed on my feet and I’m being hosted in a warm, comfortable home in the heart of San Francisco, meeting beautiful people that inspire daily, going to yoga at least six times a week, learning Zen meditation, volunteering for 826 Valencia, hiking across Northern California…really this isn’t scary. Particularly in comparison to the four examples above, I feel so blessed, lucky and fortunate. I have freedom, choice, space and time.

I am without inbox clutter, relentless meetings and office chatter, and the experiences that are taking their place, are teaching me about my values and moral compass.

I’m learning about being kind and patient in a realistic way, as in, perhaps the timeline I set to achieve certain things (all linked to that social status and security thing) weren’t realistic.

Also now I’m in it, jobless and consciously stepping aside from opportunities that aren’t exactly right, I’m learning so many more valuable life lessons. And generating fundamental heartfelt memories that will remain into my twilight years. Like volunteering at 826 Valencia last week, and witnessing a stern but fair teacher, gently coerce a shy, hesitant, young student put pen to paper and write her imagination down.

Yes I absolutely want to join an amazing company, work amongst the most incredible minds, but they have to be the right ones, they have to hold the same set of values and moral compass as me.

I’m definitely observing a sense of workashardasyoupossiblycanuntilyoureachblowoutglobalsuccessinfluencepowerandmoneyhopefullyyouwon’tburnoutonthewayup, here in Silicon Valley, that’s the whole point, right? But, as I start to rebalance my life to be more aligned and have equal weight in the ‘restorative’ tin as much as in the ‘driven’ one, I’m realising that whilst drive and ambition are incredibly necessary, there has to be this balance. It is possible to work hard but also stop, rest and restore week to week.

So a lot is occurring for me whilst I go from a to b on this current life adventure, and I didn’t realise the layers that were attached to this decision when I made it in April. Funny how this type of thing happens, you make a decision without consciously realising there was a bigger underlying reason lurking behind it. It’s as much about career climbing decisions as it is about finding out how to slow down, have patience, compassion and kindness. Starting with myself and building outwards to my loved ones and strangers I live amongst.

And to close this, a short story about a stranger, someone I met last Christmas — he told me he didn’t have any new year’s resolutions for 2015, aside from he was just going To Be. As the year starts to draw to a close and we reflect on the past 12 months, this thought keeps coming back to me, and I’m realising how much I was in need of this too. How in little ways it’s been calling me and messaging through different people and acts. Just last Saturday the incredible David Zimmerman at the Zen Center talked at length about equanimity, viscidity and being comfortable in the moment of Just This. It’s all we have, moment-to-moment. So how can we be happy and content in exactly that? That’s what I’m learning, that’s what my moral compass is pointing towards, that’s what all these experiences (and I guess mini-labels) in their own way are teaching me. Be comfortable in my own skin, be patient, be kind, be compassionate, and just be.

From this place of self-comfort, it will all pan out exactly as it’s supposed To Be.

And regardless of anything else, no, I’m not scared and it’s a wonderful wisdom I’m learning.

If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character. If there is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nations. When there is order in the nations, there will be peace in the world. Confucius

With thanks to my dear friends /editors:

Naomi Jessop, Laura Bradley, Mary Bonnett, Rimma Boshernitsan, Hawa Arsala, Hannah Lack

Two months ago I sent this email out:

This is finally happening!

I am leaving Dazed today. After almost five glorious years of expanding my mind and taking the Dazed Group brands to the next level. Working on truly visionary projects, backing Jefferson’s madcap ideas and saying, “yeah that’s totally possible, we’ll start now” when secretly I’m thinking “how the hell are we going to pull THIS one off?”

Dazed trusted me to forge my own global strategy and vision, to create a newly formed department designed to deliver global brand awareness, and to move the group beyond fashion into exciting new areas. There are a billion highlights — and all not just by me but from working as part of a team:

The AnOther Digital Limited Edition with Rihanna, Alexander McQueen and PCH

Jefferson speaking at Wired, SXSW, FT Digital Media and Web Summit

The 5th Anniversary of the Converse & Dazed Emerging Art Prize with Royal Academy

AnOther’s MOVEment with Sadler’s Wells

This past weekend’s Dazed Fashion Forum with Amazon Fashion

Launching a ‘Digital First’ strategy and rebranding Dazed

The covers: Lupita Nyong’o Dazed cover days before her Oscar win, David Beckham, Kate Moss, Michelle Williams, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Kendall Jenner, Scarlett Johansson, Alex Turner and so many more.

To go out on some stats achieved in my time:

1000% increase in Dazed online traffic from 2013 to 2015

145 live events (including three with Kate Moss and one with David Beckham)

10 global conference appearances by Jefferson, myself and senior members of editorial team

7 x film + dance + fashion collaborations with MOVEment

6 x media partnerships

5 x Dazed Group launches (inc video, agency, rebrand)

1 x Lunch with the FT

KPIs, ROIs, engagement and impressions blasted out the water as we introduced new ideas, themes and creative to our millennial audience and pushed our clients to try new things with brand partnerships.

Am I crazy? Why did I leave a job that really did enable dreams to come true…Well, it’s because I have a burning itch/desire/passion to push myself beyond my comfort zone and through my own personal glass ceiling. The Bay Area with all it’s wondrous impossible possibilities (not to mention the surf, yoga, forests, mountains, wine, coffee shops and weirdly almost constant sunshine!) has been calling me for some years now, so I had to come and seek it out for myself in real time. I want to immerse myself in the critical mass of technology quotient, ideas and intellectual inspiration.

Yes I’m missing my Dazed family like crazy, especially watching from afar as they blast through the Fashion Week season, but, I’ve caught up on some sleep and I’ve started the process of gathering my new crew — the SF #techtribe and been blown away by the amount of people I’m meeting that are truly changing the planet (for the better). Though it’s not been easy to arrive into a totally new city as a virtual stranger, thanks to the immense kindness of other strangers, friends of friends are becoming friends and as ever, I’ve witnessed and received immense (human being) generosity.

And somewhere on that Bay Area horizon my next dream job is ebbing closer…

Quitting my job at Dazed was in no way an overnight decision, it was through a lot of soul searching and examining where I’m at, what makes me happy. Do Lectures reappeared in my world after I’d handed in my resignation and at a time when I was back peddling at speed — it’s hard to leave a company like Dazed and the fear factor was off the scale. So I’d like to thank all 2015 Do-ers (co-attendees, organisers, speakers) for crystalising this top 10, essentially my beliefs and values. Nurture, Community, Environment, Simplicity and Sustainability steer my moral compass. Instinct, Vision, Fear, Stoic Awareness and of course being a Woman are integral to how I’m going to read the situations, opportunities and adventures presented to me.

Being a conference junkie, it was only a matter of time before I made it to a small farm in Cardigan, Wales for the Do Lectures. Each year, David and Claire Hieatt welcome 80 strangers to their home for a weekend of collective inspiration, late night smoky camp fire chat, estuary runs with samphire sampling, gin palace partying and, of course, the mind-blowing rapid fire lectures from extraordinary-yet-ordinary people.

1. Nurture

Parents take note — several Do-ers spoke of being nurtured from an early age; teenage Irish scientists Emer Hickey & Ciara Judge, whilst ignored by academia and industry, were backed and supported by their parents. Do Book Co publisher Miranda West spoke of having “stability and a clear runway” from an early age while creative director and Instagram photographer Dan Rubin talked of an encouraging, alternative upbringing.

2. Community

The Do Community is a very special thing to be a part of and many speakers described their passions being cultivated in places with a sense of community. “Magic comes from people,” said Chris Barez-Brown, author of Upping Your Elvis. Matt from BeerBods talked about their most popular weekly format — their ‘beer of the week’ — as a communal and shared experience.

3. Environment

Cultivating a ‘Sense of Place’ is important. Your environment creates a “stronger connection to self and everything around you,” said Suffocation’s James Wallman. Jack Bevan from The Ethicurean talked of shared experiences collectively binding people, creating ritual processes in their community and environment.

4. Simplicity

Voluntary simplicity and minimalism can be a positive thing. The key is to find happiness, status and meaning in experiences — things outside of ‘stuff’. Be an experientialist, take a sabbatical… ‘We are in the Experience revolution’, said James Wallman.

How about we live more simply, think about our environment, care for our community and channel this caring with a more sustainable way of life?

5. Sustainability

Cambridge lecturer and all round lovely Welsh man Steve Evans gave some staggering statistics (try this one — over one TRILLION dollars a year is invested in subsidising the oil and gas industries). The problem is not technology but INERTIA. Being efficient is ultimately less profitable, so less exciting to government. Evans talked of the foundation, Circles of Sustainability, and how our communities need to become more interconnected. We must lead a more sustainable life if we are to have a global environment that is future-proof for our children.

6. Instinct

Instinct is a common theme in the Do Lectures; many speakers are clearly inspired by an inner guiding light. “Out of logic and feel intuition,” explained Barez-Brown. Chef Anna Jones, the author of A Modern Way to Eat, was led by what she described as “an over-riding instinct and intuition.”

7. Vision

Along with instinct, have a vision (and balls): “Blag, the answer to all great creative is to BLAG and if you are going to blag then GO BIG!!!!!!” — Barez-Brown again. “My goal is 20 books on a carousel,” said Miranda, Do Books. “Channel what you love into something with a purpose” said Claire Elsdon and “Set a moonshot vision” suggested Steve Jennings.

8. Fear

Acknowledge fear and use it to empower you. “Saying ‘I don’t know’ as a leader is a very powerful thing,” said David Marquet, an ex-Nuclear submarine captain. Overcome fear of ignorance by unleashing the power of learning.

9. Stoic Awareness

…And then, when a scary situation crops up, it might be exactly the right place for you to be right now. As Ryan Holiday’s talk on the stoic meditations of Marcus Aurelius proposed, life is about tackling our challenges head-on in a consciously positive and calm way: “What stands in the way becomes the way,” he said. Holiday used the example of Jack Johnson’s method for dealing with a crowd’s racist taunts — the worse the crowd, the nicer he was. “We don’t control what happens, we control our response,” Holiday explained. In every situation there is the chance to action VIRTUE and practice excellence.

10. The female perspective

The female voices at Do were some of the most inspiring. It was interesting to note many worked on projects that helped others. Ciara and Emer researching for a cure to world hunger; Claire teaching African midwives to ride and fix motorbikes so they can reach remote villages; Miranda setting up an alt publishing company; Anna Jones extoling the virtues of vegetarian diet for all; CJ Bowry using her phenomenal powers of persuasion to get shoes onto the feet of African children with her charity Sal’s Shoes. And, not on stage but equally powerful behind the scenes, Paola of The Ethicurean, Claire Hieatt and Anna Barez-Brown, wife of Chris and founder of Shine4Women.

10b. If all else fails, just “put little hats on things” said Dan Germain of Innocent Smoothies. Or, like Unbound’s Dan Kieran, shout “SPIELZEUG” from the rooftops whilst tackling your fear of dying.

Do Lectures 2015: “Through inspiring others you can inspire yourself.”

Now, “Who’s that calling? California you say…” “I’m comingggggg!”

West Coast dreams for Real. Wish. Me. Luck!