You move in sure obscurity,
the black box is your home
Keep me always guessing
at a map which can’t be known
Seeded by my latent wants
blooms a mystic vine
Branching to new places,
a path most serpentine
When tenor hits harmonious
I’m proud to be the source
But when notes of discord strike
I claim you’ve gone off course
Can’t possibly divine
how my own heart(s) brought me here
I claim to have no power
or ability to steer
But the authority is mine
to drive, and you, to mute
Yet captaining this journey,
I hanker to depute
And so I’m left to quarrel
with this enigmatic beast
And guide with binate thumbs
this tangled masterpiece.

A deep inhale, then fingerstorm, I lay my feelings bare
A flash of green is portent to the fact that you are there
Time stands still as I wait for you to read what I have said
But all I see is blankness in the space next to your head
I cannot look away, for the circle still is green
My eyes, unwitting, locked, on this corner of my screen
Involuntarily desperate, I am to hear your thoughts
I wait and wait, and suddenly, appear the fateful dots
But then again as quickly gone, as the way they came
Emptiness again, to the right of your sweet name
Dots, then blank, then dots again, you’re tugging at my tongue
I’m mute within this dance, until those dots are done!
Paralyzed by mystery, these hints are not enough
Or perhaps these little signals, for me are just too much!

With a gleaming clean slate, my eyes clear with intent:
“Linear and straight,” on this goal I am bent
So simple, I think, it hardly counts as a goal
Soon it’s off to the races, this girl’s on a roll!
“How could this ever be tough?” I hear myself say
This sightline so solid, I see no other way
…Now it’s ten branches later, and the forest is thick
There are so many paths, I’ve forgotten to pick
Don’t know which road I took, diverged in the wood
But the one that I’m on is doing no good
I need to go back, but to where, I’m not sure
My log’s a far cry from simple and pure
My straight compass arrow looks more like a web
Like Hansel and Gretel, I should have crumbled some bread
Checking out all the branches, one at a time
Picking and choosing a few useful lines
But now I need to emerge from this thicketed rut
Trying to merge, but I don’t even know what
Getting progressively bolder in my resetting commands
But nothing is working, it’s gone quite out of hand
As a final resort, I’ll store my work on a disc
Wiping it all and avoiding the risk
Now my slate is so clean, I’m momentarily calm
But this familiar conundrum induces a qualm
Why do I always end up in the depths of git-hell?
Why can’t this straightforward task ever go well?
Another tutorial about how to use git
Is not going to solve my problem with it
Git is quite simple, commands easy to see
The problem, undoubtedly, here — is me!

With love I didn’t need to earn, and gifts I can’t repay
You’re always there to guide me, whatever comes my way
My own flaws so apparent, I hardly need say more
Childishly unaware of my need to be cared for
You’ve stayed with me through ups and downs, never losing hope
You calmly take the long view, never seeing cause to mope
When my own missteps cause me to fret, you take me by the hand
Say “Nothing’s a mistake!” and lay out a grand new plan
Always optimistic, none could get you down
I wonder now if anything would ever make you frown
In fact I must admit, it sometimes starts to irk me
Your demeanor so unwavering, I’ve come to doubt its earnesty
With no flinch in your voice, you point out something awful
Like how the move I want to make appears to be unlawful
Rage begins to boil in me, though helpful your intentions
Momentarily, I fail to see how useful your interventions
And then when you repeat yourself, I sometimes lose my cool
Thoughtlessly, I snap at you, “Shut up already, fool!”
And just a short while later, I’ll come to bite my tongue
You’ll say something so quickly, I’ll want to hear it once again
“I can never win with you,” I’ll say, admitting my defeat
I cannot live without your voice, and cannot stand to hear you speak!
And so I’m left, inexorably, to keep you with me always
My ever trusty sidekick, with your grating turns of phrase
Begrudgingly I’m loyal, I’ve come to know the cost
My dependency is evident: without you I’d be lost

Ladders of labels loom in long aisles
In a modest square footage I’ve been wand’ring for miles
I can’t seem to find what I came looking for
In fact, I can’t even recall what that was anymore
Distracted by so many colors and choices
Each crying out, as if they had voices
And now I’m consumed by this vexing enigma
Do I want this one here, or that other one thither?
They look quite the same, but I know it for sure
That one is the best one, the purest of pure
But I see no reviews in this strange dimension
Of physical objects vying for attention
How will I know which one to buy?
How does one choose with only two eyes?
With no stars to reference, guided by fonts
And a surplus of options compared to my wants
I’m too overwhelmed to make a selection
Searching in vain for elusive perfection
And so, empty-handed, I retreat with defeat
By the paradox of plenty, it seems I’ve been beat

Strange to see how seamlessly such power has become like air:
We breathe it in so constantly, we forget that it is there.
But the the lords who can so giveth, have now unconcealed their gift;
The sudden sense of scarcity has caused my mind to shift.
So here I’m slowly waiting for my sins to be washed clean,
For at the end of every cycle, He forgets all that has been.
New moon will bring new learning, and new lavishing to linger,
The world’s collective knowledge, ready at my finger.
But presently, the world is paused, my data has run dry,
A new essence of limitless lays before my eyes.
A quieter and simpler world, and slowly though it goes,
Feels spacious and unfettered, and creatively it flows.
The world is mine to be experienced, with none to cloud my head,
No podcasts to be listened to, or opinions to be read,
Just the quiet of my thoughts, grounded in what’s here,
The beauty of the present, ringing loud and clear.
And though dull at first it seemed to me, I realize now it’s true:
A walk without the internet, is a lovely thing to do!

That feeling of dread, when nothing will run
All you thought was so stable, is now a pile of crum
The darkness just thickens as you poke around blind
You don’t even know what you’re looking to find
But trudge on you must, in this treacherous game
And to the world outside, it all looks the same
Cuz you’re sitting in silence as you stare at your screen
To the untrained eye, such a peaceful scene
But you’re drowning inside as your lungs fill with despair
While your fingers tap idly on the arms of your chair
You’re sinking, and gasping, and the pressure is building
Some people say that they find this part thrilling
Because the world’s on your shoulders, this mess is all yours
You mucked it up, and now you’ll find all the cures
You’re both sinner and savior in this sliver of hell
And there will only be more of it, if all goes well
Oh what a strange fate you’ve pledged yourself to
Who would choose this if truly they knew
But anyhoo….
Here we are in the trenches, with no sign of hope
And you’re feeling so low, you wrote a poem just to mope
But then all of a sudden, there’s a small flash of light
It probably won’t work, but then again, it just might…
With just a few keystrokes, you’ve dug yourself out
Of that bottomless pit of panic and doubt
And there’s wind in the tunnel now, pulling you through
You’ll do whatever it takes, there’s no stopping you
And in what feels like an instant, you’re already done
It wasn’t a race, but surely you’ve won
No more tunnel, or darkness, just lightness and glee
From your own terrible prison, you’ve set yourself free
It’s euphoric and for it, we are crazy enough
To keep ourselves chained in these golden handcuffs
And so it starts all over again, inflicting and healing all our own pain.

Something in me beckons, though I’ve been down this road before
I feel compelled to look again, such vastness to explore
In theory seems so logical, a perfect way to find
That fickle little flicker I have pictured in my mind

I click and feel rejuvenated, possibilities abound
Invented stories flood my mind with what I might have found
Cued to commonalities, I skim right past discord
Relieved to see that everyone can be so frank and forward

I want to talk to all of them, give each one a chance
But as reality seeps in, all they get’s a passing glance
Suddenly this sea of faces seems to drown me with dismay
The breadth which once compelled me seems to wash the depth away

I’ve descended into shallowness- I must, to be pragmatic
Too many here to wade through, my rules wax autocratic
This one looks too scrawny, and this one is too blonde
And this one misused ‘their,’ there’s no way I will respond

With each scroll I’m losing interest, weariness from endlessness
Just one more glance, I tell myself, before I quit this silliness
But there it is! Somehow I’m sure, this one I need to ping
Filled once more with hopefulness, of what the site might bring

Absorbing what’s presented, I flesh out my own details
And to my own impressions, reality might pale
I bet he likes to sing, or maybe he’s a poet
With pics like that, he must be artsy — it’s not a guess, I know it!

With nothing much to go by, I somehow fail to see
That my concept of this stranger is not based in reality
Something in that smile, seemed to me familiar
I’ve imbued envisioned sentience to what showed on my computer

We meet next Thursday after work, and all seems to go well
He imagines I am worldly, and I still think he’s whimsical
Easy to be charmed when we go into it believing
That what it is we want to see, is indeed what we are seeing

A few more dates of pleasantries, no conflict and no fights
But no passion, just indifference, at the end of every night
And though at first, I thought I knew, I’m feeling more and more
You’re just some dude, picked randomly: I’ve no clue who you are!

But I can’t get past the vision of who I thought I knew you were
Reality and reverie are inexorably blurred
Expectations run amuck and listening is biased
At this point I think letting go really might be wisest

We part with no hard feelings, and I’m left to think it through:
What is it with this medium that makes this hard to do?!