Hello, my dearest followers,

I hope you are all doing great!

I am back to writing as I had promised, though I took an extra month to make a comeback.

but here I am, finally!

As expected, my stats have dipped, my readership has declined to almost zero, my follower count has stopped growing, and most importantly I have lost contact with my fellow writers.

But nevermind,

the good thing is that I am here again, contrary to my trait of leaving all the things I am passionate about in the middle, hoping to get back to them one day.

And here is my plan for my future writeups: from now onwards, I won’t worry about my stats or exert myself in writing potentially viral content. Rather, I will focus on enjoying writing, just like we use to enjoy things a decade ago, before this hassle of monetizing everything; I would try to give my opinion about human behavior in society. Also, you may find my analysis of random phenomena and things of life in general.

So if this excites you, welcome to my league then :)

if this does not excite you, I am sorry for wasting your time. I will try to improve myself, I promise.

Have a nice day!

With a heavy heart,

and with a sobbing mind,

(Yes! I am crying in my mind right now)

I am announcing a four-month leave from this special place and community.

“So? why are you telling this to us? don’t you have something productive to write about? we’re not here to read this bullshit!”

The majority of you might say, and would then leave this story right away in search of that “productive” story.

Fair enough! you don’t owe me anything.

“Oh, but why?” A few of you might wonder and would stick around to see the reason for me taking a leave, and then sleep peacefully afterward.

After all, you now know why am I taking a leave.

One of you might slip into my dm and say,

“I will miss your stories Erum, it would be nice if you gave a second thought to your decision?”

(if I were good enough of a writer to touch a single soul from my writeups)

I wish I get one such message!

To all of you my 1700+ medium fam, I am taking a leave because life has come my way.

We plan one thing, and then, out of nowhere, shit happens, and then we have to cater to that shit and then we plan again and shit happens again, and … you know what I mean.

I have an exam due in February, for which I have to do some hard preparations.

Whether I will be able to crack that exam or not, I can’t say with certainty,

but I can’t take a chance on failure as the regret would eat me away if I did so…

THE CURSE OF CHOOSING OUT OF MILLIONS OF DIFFERENT CHOICES!

I am worried about my stats, and all of the progress that I have made in the past three months…

— What will happen to my now exponentially growing follower counts and daily views?

— My dream of reaching 10k followers by the end of this year, which nowadays seems within reach, will it be materialized?

— Or the four-month break would prove to be a death knell to my growing viewership?

— How further do I have to wait to make my initial $1000?

— What if I failed the exam and my writing growth becomes stagnant, then I will have to restart everything from scratch again…

And most of all,

I am worried about the fact that people might forget me, or I might not be able to get back on this platform.

You know that feeling when you take a break from something and then you forget about it and then it takes a lifetime to resume that activity again…

I fear that my writing career might have a similar fate...

I am so confused,

why do we even have to face the burden of making a decision?

let’s ask for help from mother nature,

let’s manifest a good future and good stats,

let’s hope that when I resume on this platform after four months I will have 10k followers and thousands of daily views and fans,

let’s pray that this story has gone viral and whosoever reads this story would come into a mysterious trance that led him/her to follow me, and miss me…

let’s say…. wait what?

What am I writing !?

Am I going crazy…!!!

SHIT IS HAPPENING…

PLEASE LIFE NO!!!

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed my story then don’t forget to subscribe to my email.

Also, be my friend on Twitter :)

The curse of making a choice was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

For six good years, I got nothing but rejection and failure.

• I failed to jumpstart my career in the textile industry owing to personal and situational reasons despite being an outstanding graduate of the field ( I am a textile engineer)
• I failed to pass governmental jobs tests despite studying days in and days out — I even don’t remember the number of times I appeared in these examinations.
• I applied for multiple private sector jobs and got called for an interview only once that followed by rejection.
• I lost all of my friends and social circle because I had no answer to their “what are you doing these days?”, those questions which were usually followed by deep silence.
• I was under strong, self-defeating peer pressure as most of my friends and batchmates moved ahead in their careers and I felt like a loser.
• My grief for the past and anxiety about the future had messed up my sleep schedule and I had become dependent on sleeping pills to escape from my reality for a while.

Sounds too sad and miserable, isn’t it?

The color of your life painting depends upon the attitude you paint it with: given the above circumstances, my life should be nothing but black and grey.

However, I choose to make it colorful and learned some valuable lessons in the process.

As the author of one of my favorite books “Man’s Search For Meaning” Victor Frankl has said it:

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

I choose a positive attitude towards my life and my setbacks turned into my biggest assets.

Here are eight factors that played a key role in developing me as a person and in turning my apparent bad luck to my advantage.

1. I have a supportive family: Luckily, I was born into a family that value people for their being and not their titles and accolades.
2. I choose to look at the positives: being not able to get a regular job means I have plenty of time which I can utilize to develop lucrative skills and find other means of making money i.e. freelancing, and consultation.
3. I accidentally got out of the career rat race: I don’t have to worry about the next promotion or portray myself as a success on social media; nature took me out of the disease of external validation and has set me free.
4. I got time to pursue my passion: I find my solace in touching the hearts of my readers and bringing value to their lives through my write-ups.
5. I become more empathetic: I learned to avoid unnecessary gossip by observing the insensitive comments of people about my career and marriage.
6. I learned to remain content with what I have: I have realized that if something is not meant for you, you won’t get it, no matter the amount of effort you put in.
7. I became more introspective: Though I spent most of my time within the boundaries of my home, I have got a bigger perspective of life; the career-oriented definition of life appears hollow to me. A happy life, for me, is spent in service of people.
8. I became grateful: Despite all of my failures and rejection, I still have the gifts of health, home, food, and income. What else does one want from life?

Some of you may resonate with this article but most of you may not.

I can’t imagine the difficulties of a person who wasn’t lucky enough to be born into a supportive family, or who is struggling with a life-threatening disease.

The point is that we all are tested with one difficulty or another.

It’s human to breakdown,

It’s human to feel cheated and betrayed by life.

But you should learn to rise above those momentary setbacks and try to broaden your horizon by looking at the grand scheme of affairs.

After all, as long as there is life, there is hope.

And hope is a very powerful thing.

It can do wonders for anyone who clings to it.

ANYONE!

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed my story then don’t forget to subscribe to my email.

Also, be my friend on Twitter :)

I got failures and rejection for 6 years: here is how I remain optimistic was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I turned 28 this August.

Twenty-eight years seem so unreal!

It feels like yesterday when my mother used to make me ready for school, tieing my thick, black hair into two braids — the hairstyle which I'm not too fond of.

It was only yesterday when I tightly hold onto my father’s hand while going to purchase my favorite sweet with him, fearing that I might be left behind, as he used to walk so fast.

life slips out of your hand so fast,

Too late for a realization!

Anyways,

Here are 28 random lessons that I learned in these 28 years of my life. Let me know if you find any of them relatable or useful.

#1 Prioritise your family — they are the only people who love you and will continue to love you unconditionally till the very end.

#2 Don’t prolong fights with your loved ones — life is not certain and there are no guarantees of mending ties in the future.

#3 Embrace mediocrity — contrary to popular opinion, making peace with the fact that you cannot be the next Elon Musk or Bill Gates eases your anxiety and helps you accept yourself more.

#4 Craft your unique definition of success — success is a relative phenomenon, one should not buy whatever they are posing as a success but should create their own parameters of success.

#5 Express more — it is highly unlikely that people would read your mind and automatically change their behaviors to meet your expectations. If you want something, express it.

#6 Take actions, don’t use planning as a means of procrastination — it is better to do a thing today and get failed/passed at it earlier in life than to do the same thing 5 years later.

#7 Don’t put on an act to impress others, be original and you’ll meet some cool people.

#8 Love the boring day routine — not every day needs to be extraordinary to feel contented.

#9 Forgive others no matter how difficult it might seem at first — for the sake of your mental peace.

#10 Some people will not love you no matter what — you are not what they are looking for and that is ok.

#11 Watch out for things that you are bringing to the table in any relationship before questioning the other person.

#12 Having a good night routine will solve half of your problems.

#13 Future isn’t as scary as it appears, chill out.

#14 Stress ages you more quickly than bad food does — so try to work out and eliminate the sources of your stress to feel and look younger.

#15 Always be honest with yourself — you will not be able to trick your heart.

#16 Rejection is better than regret — don’t gather regrets, they are worse than rejection.

#17 Being shameful for your mistakes and grateful for your blessings is still a mark of good character — so bring it back into your life.

#18 Be aware that monetizing your hobbies may/may not be a good idea — depends on who you are as a person.

#19 It is okay to have an existential crisis —it is an indication that you are among those few people who think and contemplate, and are not those people who are oblivious to themselves.

#20 Look good and put on an optimistic facade — no one wants to be around sad, depressive people.

#21 Lower your bar and don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t achieved something that you’ve planned to achieve — you are not in control of your life.

#22 Write more to articulate your thoughts.

#23 Spend money on a thing that you want to do but are procrastinating about — money will act as a pusher to get you going.

#24 Wake up early to automatically feel better than everyone else.

#25 Play and make friends with kids — it's a good thing to flex.

#26 Don’t put happiness on a pedestal — be happy at mundane, trivial things of life: a cup of tea, a smile, small chess wins.

#27 If you are not happy in the journey, chances are you will not be happy at that perceived destination — love your struggles and take responsibility.

#28 Kindness is underrated — it can go a long way!

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed my story then don’t forget to subscribe to my email.

Also, be my friend on Twitter :)

28 life lessons from 28 years in 4 minutes was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I have said the dreaded goodbye…

and it has shattered my world to pieces!

as if I have lost a part of myself…

That part which had become my whole personality,

The part which was very dear to me,

I have lost that part, with all my intentions, not to bring it again in my life!

but the memories…

what do you do of memories?

you cannot get rid of them…

they stay with you forever, ready to show up randomly in the subtlety of your mundane life

— whenever you cook their favorite food,

— whenever you listen to their favorite songs,

— whenever you hear the phrases they often use, when someone else uses them

the memories will eat you away!

And the heartbreaks that follow bring an equal amount of grief and sadness, if not less.

— who would listen to the trivial details of my life now

— who would I turn to whenever I feel the gushing sense of sadness and anxiety

— who would call me odd names to tease me

...

The tragedy of losing your loved ones is the greatest of all tragedies!

I have said the dreaded goodbye

and it has rocked my world to the core!

Goodbye… was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Why am I writing about my most embarrassing moments?

Should not I hide these moments from everyone?

I don’t know why I am doing this 😄

Maybe in this way, I will be able to forget them.

Or perhaps, my embarrassing moments have not been as awkward as I think them to be.

(Don’t make fun of me, please)

(Also, share some of your embarrassing moments in the comment box down below so that I may find some solace afterward 😆)

#1 When I ran for my life during one of my University lectures 😃

You may have been thinking “What’s so funny here, everyone would run for his/her life if the situation demands”, right?

But the funny part is that there was no danger to my life 😆

During one of my University workshops, I, along with my fellow batchmates, was standing around a gigantic machine (I forget the name of that machine)

We were listening to the instructor, who was giving us instructions about the ‘dos and don'ts’ of that room-sized machine.

After giving the instructions, the instructor started the machine.

As soon as he did that, a deafening, exploding sound comes out from that giant machine, making it unbearable to stand in that place.

Unaware of the fact that this was exactly how that machine starts, with all of that thunder and explosion, I started running straight out of that place, at full pace, thinking, everyone else was doing the same 😅

When I reached the safety point, I looked behind, worriedly about the safety of my friends, but there was no one behind me 😆

All my batchmates along with the instructor were looking at me from the distance, laughing their hearts out.

I never recovered from that incident 😄

#2 When I tried to be over-efficient in front of a guy I liked😅

We are all attracted to someone at some point in our life.

And when we come across such a person, we tried to appear/behave as perfectly as we possibly could.

The same thing happened to me. 😆

I once liked a guy from my University 😍, and we somehow managed to get into contact with each other.

Since I liked that guy, I was all busy, appearing to be the smartest, eloquent, and insightful in front of him (but my fake efficiency bubble burst out soon 😢)

One day, I told him that I have a presentation due the next day for which I am very concerned…

The night before that presentation day, I got a text from him saying “BOL”, which, in my native language Urdu, translates to “say something”

I saw his text, not knowing what this “BOL” stands for, and replied in Urdu, “Kya Bolun bhae Raat K Is Waqt”, which means in English “What can I say at this time of night!?” (frustrated tone) 😆 😆

And the rest was history.

I didn’t know BOL stands for BEST OF LUCK 😑 😑

This is why I hate abbreviations 😠

#3 When I rattled the public washroom doorknob while my mind was preoccupied

The last and the most embarrassing one was when I visited a hospital to get my clinical reports done.

I was at the hospital, waiting to collect my ultrasound report when I feel the need to use toilet.

I asked the man on the counter about the toilet and rushed towards it.

Unfortunately, the bathroom was busy.

Preoccupied with my thoughts, I started forcing and pushing the toilet’s door handle, forgetting about the fact that it was a public place and someone might be in there 😆 😆

The only thing in my mind was “why the door not opening if it is written that it is a toilet”

I looked around, hoping to ask someone about the reason behind the closed bathroom door 😃

But when I looked around, I observed that everyone in the sitting area was staring at me 👀 👀

I thought to myself “ what happened? why are they looking at me like this?” 😶

That was the moment when I came to the realization that it was a public washroom and someone might be in there!

I rushed back to my car, never to return to that place ever again 😆

Whoever that person was, in the toilet, accept my apologies. I did that unconsciously 😶

These are the three most embarrassing moments of my life up until now.

Rate my embarrassing moments in numbers with 1 being the most embarrassing in your opinion 😆

Also, share one of your most hilarious moments in the comments down below to ease my heart.

Thank You for reading!

If you enjoyed my story then consider subscribing to my email address

Also, be my friend on Twitter ❤️

The 3 most embarrassing moments of my life was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

It has been only 20 days since I joined Medium and these are the best 20 days of my life!

Here are my top five achievements on medium.com so far:

1. I have gained 1500 views in total, with more than 100 views on four consecutive days 😃
2. I have got more than 200 followers, 224 to be exact 😉. A million thanks to all of you 💌
3. I have received more than 1000 claps for the first time on one of my stories 😍
4. My story has got more than 50 fans ⭐️ and has got viewed more than 250 times (for the information of beginners, you get a notification when your story has gained 10 fans or 50 fans 😅)
5. I have gained 3 email subscribers ✉️ (a bit disappointed, but still, a big round of applause for those three people 👏)

And the most important thing: the valuable interaction I have had with my fellow writers, which can’t be quantified but tops all of my above achievements.

Thank You So Much Everyone From The Bottom Of My Heart ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed my story then don’t forget to subscribe to my email.

Also, be my friend on Twitter :)

I Have Got More Than 100 Views for the 4th Consecutive Day was originally published in theMUSINGS on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Consistency is hard, there is no doubt about it! 😧

Human beings perform around half of their daily task on autopilot.

In 2010, Harvard psychologists Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert used a phone app to randomly record what 2,250 participants’ minds were focused on at a specific moment. They discovered that the average person spends about 47% of their day on “autopilot”. 😑

Our minds hate it when we force them to do a new task. Our minds are lazy, they want to conserve as much energy as possible to deal with our survival instinct.

Since new tasks are energy-intensive, our minds put all the effort to make delays or even shunning our new hobby.

This is one of the fundamental reasons why most people give up on their hobbies early on as soon as the initial euphoria subsides.

So the question then arises is what should we do about it? Should we let our minds decide for ourselves what requires urgent attention and what not? Or should we work against the tempting maneuvering of our minds?

You must be thinking if our mind is doing it for us then it must be correct, but wait a minute, things are not as simple as they appear.

We need to be experts in at least 2–3 things to please our rational appetite and to feel valued in the competitive social world around us.

Thus, we can’t afford to be all lazy and inconsistent!

Here are the 6 common traits of people who are struggling with inconsistency.

Watch out for how many boxes you might tick and continue reading to get a hand on their practical solutions.

6 Common Behavioural Traits Of Inconsistent People

#1 They chase instant gratification

You are intelligent enough to know what I am talking about.

Instant gratification is the bane of our generation (I’m glad that I used this expression 😆)

These people seek pleasure in the present without giving a second thought to their long-term goals.

For example,

You have an entrance exam due next month for which you have made a strict plan. But you heard that your friends are going on a three-day trip to Dubai.

So you decided to go along as you believe in the “you only live once” philosophy (or in a more Bollywood manner: Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara 😆)

Hence, you trained your mind to not follow a good plan for a long period.

#2 Their emotions fluctuate with negative or positive feedback

They forget about their dreams and get carried away by momentary emotional changes. 😔

For instance,

You spent hundreds of dollars to look presentable at a conference presentation which is critical for your promotion but one of your colleagues said that your choice of dress color is too loud.

Bang! You forget about your presentation, and promotion, and keep questioning your dress selection!

The same goes with follower counts (and lots of other stuff). You become so obsessed with the dopamine spike that the likes and comments of your followers give you that you begin to forget your long-term writing goals.

#3 They have no clear answer to their “Why”

This is a trademark trait of inconsistent people.

They don’t have the clarity of why they are doing whatever they are doing.

Sometimes, they start to do something on the advice of someone. Other times, Other times, they get motivation from a 5-minute video of a motivational guru.😆 Or get impressed by the perks and privileges of some of their friends.

Often, their motivations are money, fame, cool trends, and hashtags.

Hence, they lack the inner calling for that particular task and thus get demotivated by initial setbacks.

#4 They make vague goals with no specific long-term plan

The devil is in the detail, they say, and they are right about it.

Ever wonder why so many of us failed at keeping our new year resolutions?

Drum roll!! 🎵 🎵

We don’t make a detailed plan!

For example, when we say that we will learn the Chinese language in 2022; it is vague.

But when we say that we will learn the basics of the Chinese language by January 31st in order to equip ourselves enough to converse in Chinese in a Chinese-speaking country — it is specific.

It confines the timeframe and domain of our goal and makes us more likely to follow it.

But, inconsistent people don't think this deep.

#5 They do their tasks alone

They want to sort out everything by themselves.

Most of the time, their attitude is ego-driven: “I don’t need anybody’s help, I can do it myself”, we often heard this from inconsistent people.

Often, they are fearful of their shortcomings. 😨 They don’t want to let other people see how poor they are at something.

Hence, they shut the door of valuable help from experts in the craft and get frustrated by repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

#6 They assume a straight path to success

When they speak of a thing or make a plan about a task, they are viewing it from their ideal self.

Their successful morning routine looks like this: I would wake up at 5:00 a.m., take a run for 30 minutes, take shower at around 6:00 a.m., have breakfast by 6:30 a.m., practice the skill for 2 hours, and then would go to the office by 9:00 a.m. …

And what happens the next morning, they wake up around 9:00 a.m barely making it to the office on time 😄😄

Success comes with all its unique hardships.

In practical life, there are millions of factors that are acting upon a person of which he is neither in control nor aware.

Since inconsistent people start a thing by only considering the success factor, they get frustrated when things don’t go their way

If you are still reading this article, I am 💯 sure you have the willpower to go beyond your initial hurdles and become a more consistent person.

Here are 6 practical tips which will hurry your consistency journey.

Six Practical Tips For Improving Consistency By 10X

#1 Seek a solid answer to your “Why”

Why you are doing something is more important than how you will going to do it.

‘Why’ gives you an internal drive; it gives you a motion to seek the answers for your ‘What’ and ‘How’.

It is only because of your ‘Why’ that you show up every day to perform a particular task even if you don’t feel like doing it.

As Simon Sinek has put it,

If you know the Why, you will find the How.

#2 Think long-term and create good habits

It sounds cliches but a long-term perspective is imperative for getting a consistent behavior.

If your goal is only to get selected for the college’s basketball team, you will revert to your old routine once you get into the team.

You need to work on your tasks until it becomes automatic. And that is only possible if your goal is sustainable for a long period.

#3 Bring clarity to your tasks and goals

Divide your long-term goal into short-term, achievable tasks

Make your tasks specific and removes the vagueness on which your lazy mind thrives.

When you plan beforehand that you have to take 1 swimming class every day at 4:00 p.m. sharp, and when you have already hired a cab that would always come to your home at 3:25 to pick you up, your consistency becomes a done deal.

#4 Build a system having the core elements of accountability and feedback

When setting up small daily and weekly goals, don’t forget to make yourself accountable.

let your family/friends know that you have decided to do so and so tasks for this week, and asked them to make you held accountable.

Or announce your goals on your social media.

No one wants to feel embarrassed in front of his/her social peers and would do everything to save himself/herself from this humiliation.😆

#5 Take yourself outside of your assumed limitations

I am not good at remembering birthdays,

I am not a good learner,

I get lost when it comes to directions…

These are all absurd limitations that we put onto ourselves.

Don’t fall for these!

#6 Practice mindfulness ☀️

It gives you control over your thought process and makes you watchful of the tricks that your mind plays.

Mindfulness makes you more present at the moment.

It reminds you of your long-term goals.

When you are mindful, you will not stop by to watch a game of cricket on the weekend when you have an exam on Monday.

Remember,

Success is not about avoiding the inconsistencies of life, it is more about managing them!

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed my story then don’t forget to subscribe to my email.

Also, be my friend on Twitter :)

6 Practical Tips To Improve Your Consistency By 10X was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I’m struggling to get my thoughts out on this white, blank screen.

I had tried hard to write something about anything in the past three days but to no avail.

I’m afraid, afraid of the unknown.

When I first started writing on medium, I was filled with the elements of excitement and hope; I was excited to let my thoughts out in the open, and I was hoping to get a view or two.

But now,

I’m crushing under the pressure of meeting the expectations of my followers and myself.

People are watching me; they are mapping my every activity! I’m under the spotlight!

I am not habitual of being under the spotlight…

…I am well aware that I don’t deserve this applause and appreciation, and I may not live up to people’s expectations!

…I want to write about valuable stuff for my audience, and not be self-centered all the time.

But in one way or another,

my fears and concerns always take the charge of my train of thoughts!

What if I have become successful? Someone whispers within me.

What if my story has gone viral?

What would I do then?

How would I then rebuild myself anew?

My self-image, my excuses, and my self-assumed limitations all would then render hollow.

I should not play this risky game in which there is a 50% chance of success — my mind keeps on suggesting me.

I AM AFRAID, AFRAID OF MY SUCCESS!

Whenever I start a thing, be it anything…

I don’t decide to win it,

I just hope not to fail!

and this has become my lifestyle! my identity!

Yet,

I was curious,

I was curious to find out if fear of success is a real thing?

and my curiosity had led me to google my mental condition,

and guess what?

I found an article that resonated with me!

(Or perhaps I fell into the trap of confirmation bias, I don’t know…)

Fear of success, the article says, is when you have an ongoing fear of succeeding, so much so that you might be inadvertently self-sabotaging.

It’s not that you think you’re incapable of succeeding.

Rather, you are afraid of the changes that success may bring and consider yourself incapable of handling it.

I’m afraid of the change success might bring,

I’m afraid of leaving my comfort zone,

I’m afraid of being in the spotlight,

I’m afraid of letting my self-identity be destroyed,

I’m afraid of everything but FAILURE…!

Do you also suffer from success anxiety? or is it just me? 😨

let me know in the comment box.

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed my story then don’t forget to subscribe to my email.

Also, be my friend on Twitter :)

I am suffering from success anxiety was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I lost my life in search of 100 followers.

This is the price of my being;

This is how cheap I am!

All it takes are 100 followers!

That’s it!

And I am ready,

Ready to through my life away:

The precious time of my limited existence on this earth,

My creative writing goals,

My peace of heart,

My family,

My sleep,

All of it!

I have thrown it all away!!

.

But I have achieved that milestone! You know,

I have achieved it!

Congratulate me!!

Send your wishes my way.

I have reached THAT MILESTONE!

— The target which kept me awake at night;

— The target, which made me check the medium’s application for million times a day!

— The target which forced me to neglect my family and friends;

I HAVE ACHIEVED THAT TARGET!!

.

.

I should be happy, right?

Why am I not happy, as they promised I would be?

The happiness which they sell us over and over again, why am I not feeling it?

Where has it gone??

Rather, I am feeling a void,

An emptiness;

As if, this is not what I want.

And it reminded me of a quote from Jim Carry who said that:

“I wish everyone could get rich and famous and everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that’s not the answer.”

I am having my Jim carry moment surprisingly at a meager achievement of 100 followers.

.

.

Is this what I am here for? I questioned myself.

Is this how shortsighted am I?

I jumped on the bandwagon, like everyone else, without giving a second thought to it.

I, a rational human being, have proved to be “not so rational”

I’m not in control, I have realized this once again!

— All those deafening mantras of freedom and free choice have suddenly become silent, leaving me amid my inner chaos!

I’m enslaved,

enslaved to all those popular slogans, and trends.

I’m a sheep in a herd of millions of other sheep…

Or even worse than that,

A sheep doesn’t carry with herself the proud tags of intellect, rationale, and freedom;

But I do carry those weighty titles,

and I am not living up to those tags!

However,

In this algorithmic-driven competitive world, do my emotions even matter?

“Emotions are garbage”, they say.

No one would ever read this article.

No one would even click on it.

It has no clickbait, or what you say “INSANELY KILLER TITLE”

It is not SEO optimized.

No one would ever open it, let alone read it.

Why would anyone spend his/her time reading about my existential crisis?

.

So congratulate me,

I have achieved my 100 followers goal,

And send your wishes my way !!!

P.S: This story is not an effort to demean the valuable contribution of my followers. From my 1st follower Zack Love to my 100th follower Patricia LeBlanc, I appreciate you all ❤️

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this article then subscribe to my email or be my friend on Twitter

Your life for 100 followers: deal? was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.