Now sit down and let me explain to you in details why you need to give gifts to your partner;

Giving gifts is a form of love language and doing it as a surprise makes it more thoughtful and intentional. if your patner’s love language is receiving gifts and you want them to feel loved, then you have to speak their love language. A surprise will bring life into your thoughtful gifts. If you are receiving gifts from them, you need to also give gifts in return.

Sometimes your partner might mention a thing or two to you amidst conversations and discussions but they might not outrightly ask. Sometimes, they screenshot pictures or videos of things they’d like to get but they might not outrightly mention it to you. Surprising your partner with some/all of these things without them asking (if you can afford it) shows that you pay enough attention to detail to know these things. This is a great way to make them feel loved and a thoughtful way to say "I see you and I love paying attention to you". A great way to connect and reconnect as a couple, if I do say so.

Everyone wants to feel appreciated and one way to say "thank you" to your partner is to surprise them with a gift, products or services they are in need of. It might be something that will make their work easy, or something to help them relax better or even a date to ease all the stress.

A gift surprise is an amazing way to appreciate your partner. You don’t have to wait till it’s their birthday or a special day, everyday is a special day to surprise your partner. So, get it lit, init!

You don’t need to have all the money in the world to surprise your partner because I know that is the excuse of some of you. Thoughtful, intentional gifts that you can afford will pass the message across.

Now, how will you stop practicing this witchcraft of yours?

Put your hands on your chest and say, “I will stop buying boxers and singlets only for my partner”

“I will invest in thoughtful gifts for them as much as I can afford”

“i will stop dragging broke men on Twitter”

Now that you have promised to change, plan to surprise your partner today and with our help, we will help you get it done with no stress at all. Consult with https://ln.run/NE8tE today and let’s put a smile on your patner’s face together!

Anyway, like I said, I have zero issues about that. Now, where I’m beginning to have issues is when you think you can bully me on my right for the simple reason that "you are an older adult". Then, we are really going to have problem(s).

So, let me give you the full gist. I went to the woman who grinds (let’s call her Mrs O) to help me grind my wheat and corn(My mum prefers to make some of her swallow food herself). Anyways, I’ve been there, ten minutes, twenty, thirty minutes while I waited for her to fix her grinding machine. All well and done, she started grinding starting with the corn. Now, I’m just there, minding my business, and guess what?

A woman that I’ve never seen nor interacted with before brought her own bowl of corn and dropped it, telling the woman she wants it grinded (let’s call her Mrs Y) . Now, Mrs O turned to Mrs Y and told her, I still have a bowl of wheat to be grinded after the corn she’s currently grinding. Mrs Y didn’t even look at me for one moment, she just shouted back that she’s hungry and she needed to eat. Hence, her corn should be grinded immediately after my own. You are getting the gist, right?

That’s how Mrs O begged her to chill for a while because I’ve been there for a long time. Now, as a good responsible person, what is Mrs Y supposed to do? I honestly expected her to turn and speak to me, at least asking me for permission politely for her corn to be grinded since she’s hungry. In all honesty, I would have accepted but guess what she did? She told Mrs O to make sure she grinds her own first regardless of me being there.
Trust me, I didn’t say a word. Now, Mrs O turned to me with pleading eyes and told me to please give her a chance. I just laughed and looked sternly at her as I said a very resounding NO in full capital letters as written. She was shocked, taken aback because I rarely spoke and she probably thought I wouldn’t have the confidence to say No. She tried again begging me. I told her another capital NO saying I was also hungry and I refused to be cheated.

Mrs Y kept looking at me, wondering what kind of mannerless girl I was to have refused her command. I made sure both my corn and wheat were grinded and I left there gracefully as if I had not just given Mrs Y the biggest shock of the day, or her life probably if she never had anyone disobey her.

I’m so proud of myself, my parents are so proud of me and I just want to say, I’m an ICON (laughs in me being the headline of the street’s topic).

If I want to teach my children to stand up to bullies, then I better practice what I hope to teach.

Anyways, Mrs O. later told my mom I refused to help someone (without telling her the details of what truly happened), my mom told her I already explained what happened in details and I am not to be blamed at all because I did the right thing.

She left shocked to her bones because she was probably expecting my mom to scold me in her presence and that my friend, is who I want to be as a mother, an ICON just as my mother is.

If you think you will bully my child and try to defame him/her to me, you will be shocked to your bones.

I feel so good, you can’t even comprehend it!

He was a good conversationalist, was fun, was carefree, didn’t really care about much, he just wanted to Love God, have fun and be happy. Sometimes I wondered how he finished medical school with good grades because he was really a playful person. I loved his Spirit, his child-like Spirit and as time went by, I saw him as a father figure.

My father is still alive and I have a good relationship with him so much so that, the kind of relationship I had with Dr Y. C always make me remember and miss my dad for the most time I was in school and didn’t get to see him. Dr Y.C was compassionate, loving. He fed me the word of God and I was sure he was always praying for me. I always looked forward to our meetings because I know that another word is coming to me.

Dr Y.C supported my shenanigans. I can’t believe he allowed me draw him one time just because I told him I had the recessive skill traits of an artist. I knew I drew rubbish but he was so happy to see the portrait, he said I tried but I knew he didn’t want to hurt my feelings and to think he even encouraged me to be better. It’s so funny now that I’m writing about it.

I remember then, I had my birthday and I composed a "thank you" message to the people that celebrated me. When I sent his to him, he was so happy. I can never forget what he said " Ebun, you are the only one that can make someone feel special even on her own birthday with your writings". I had not started writing formally then but what he said struck a cord that contributed to my courage to start writing formally.

He told me so much. I was his confidant, he was mine too. He always prayed for me, advice on my career. He just wanted me to serve God and be the best at everything I could . We were so close but all of a sudden, I couldn’t reach him anymore.

I was panicking at first, why was he not online? Why isn’t he answering his phone calls? Even if he was busy, he would normally check up on me to check how I am, I would then rant and he would tell me, it will be fine but not today, he wasn’t answering his calls. I reached out to someone who knew him as well and she said "it seems he has traveled out".

How?

When?

To where?

How again?

I felt a lot of things but mostly sadness and betrayal. How could he not tell me, ME, that he was traveling and worst of all, he didn’t route his number and I am cut off? I thought it was a bad dream and I went to sleep but I couldn’t. It’s almost five years now. So, I guess it’s real.

I knew he mentioned it to me once he was processing his travels but he mentioned it so mildly that I didn’t think it would be for another year and I thought he would keep me updated or at least message me when he’s over there.
I was in denial for over four years. I would call his number randomly, message him randomly. I would hope that he would message me from the blues one day and just tell me it was a prank all along to test if I would forget him. I would hope that I would hear his voice and laughter one day. I would message people to check if he reached out to them or if they have Another number of his but nobody did.

Sometimes I feel deep regret that I didn’t maximize our relationship as much as I should have.
I would pray for him randomly over the years, I wanted to know how he was, if he was okay, if he was doing well, if he was safe, if he was married as he wanted to (I would love to be friends with his wife), I wanted to know if he has had kids and if they took after his witty character. I miss my dad, Dr Y.C.

I know they say people come into your life for seasons but I don’t want to believe that that was our relationship. I wanted to give up many times and forget about him but I can’t seem to. I have never missed anyone absent from my life as much as I did him.

The Intent of writing this is to pour out my heart, hoping that this would make me forget about him and move on but now, I’m hoping that one day Dr. Y. C, you will see this piece and you will remember, that I never forgot you even if you did me and you might not know how much of an impact you had on me, but I would never forget it till my last breath.
I hope I see you again one day dad.

Yours in love,
Ebunoluwa.

One of the fondest memories I have of my dad was when I reported someone who had hurt me to him and I was very traumatized. He was angry, but I thought he was angry at me. Later at night, this man wept. I knew because my mom told me. I was hurting but he seemed to be hurting more, he checked up on me every single day. I cried in his arms and he told me everything was going to be okay. I had to pretend to be okay for him because every moment I wasn’t, he wasn’t too.

To be candid, I think Fathers are not celebrated enough.

They sacrifice a lot, they go through so much without complaining, they have the burden of the whole family on their shoulders.

Sometimes, we neglect them because we seek more attention from our mothers, sometimes we ignore them because we think we know better or we are better than them. Even this day, many of them don’t know about it because they are busy thinking of a better future for their family.

Not all fathers are fathers indeed. Hence, happy Father’s Day to all worthy fathers.
Here’s me saying you deserve to be celebrated every single day. Happy Father’s Day.

To every father who strives to be a father for their children, happy Father’s Day.

To every biological father who puts on the responsibility of a true father, happy Father’s Day.

To every father who adopted his children but treats them as his own, happy Father’s Day.

To every Step father or husbands to single mothers who treats his wife’s children as his flesh and blood, happy Father’s Day.

To every father in waiting, Happy Father’s Day, your children are here already.

To every father resting in the bossom of the Lord, Happy Father’s Day.

To every Girl dad who is satisfied with the gender of his child and treat them as equals with the boys, happy Father’s Day.

To every boy dad who is teaching his child the ethics of being a human first and seeing the girl child as a human rather than an opponent or a slave, happy Father’s Day.

To every spiritual father who watches over his children in the place of prayer and act as a guidance to them, happy Father’s Day.

To every male family member who acts as a good father figure to us, happy Father’s Day.

To every father in our schools , church and society who chooses to be a good mentor, role model and father us all, happy Father’s Day.
You are worthy, we love you and we see you.

Happy Father’s Day, fathers!

I act like I’m okay but deep down I don’t understand why you are wearing sunglasses inside an office or a restaurant. To the best of my understanding, sunglasses are supposed to protect the eyes from the rays of the sun, correct? I know I am but what I don’t understand, fine girl is why are wearing it in a confinement? I understand you want to slay but please now, it’s getting embarrassing, even for me to look at you.

I act like I’m okay but deep down ,I don’t understand why people are hawking their bodies on the streets and in the gyms. I understand the slogan "my body, my choice" but I think you people have now turned gyms into a venue to display your goodies, exchange contacts and snaps or how do you people call it?, to begin your route to adultery and fornication. I don’t understand when indecency became a trend, but I promise you, it’s not giving what you think it’s giving. It’s giving tacky and it’s very classless.

Modesty always wins, and I’m not "a pick me girl", I’m just telling you the truth.

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I want to understand if you people that eat Rice and Okro are cultists? No offense, I genuinely want to know what you find salivating in it. Like you mean, our beloved Rice with that slimy thing called Okro? I’m a Yoruba girl and the only time I call Okro into my business is when I want to eat Amala. Otherwise, let it mind its business. If you are guilty of this "Rice and Okro" allegation, see you in court!

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I can’t stand People’s pleasers. I’ve been there before and it wasn’t a good experience. So, I know how it is and now, I really can’t stand people who would go a hundred miles for people who wouldn’t move an inch for them. I’m not going to be sympathetic to you because you really need to learn how to say No. Yes, the ability to say “NO” in capital letters is a skill if I do say so. Yes, you can be kind to everyone which I do encourage but No, you can’t make sacrifices for everyone especially people whom you are aware don’t care about you and you know the funny thing, you are not even doing it out of the goodness of your heart, you are doing it so that you won’t hurt the person with your answer. Grow up and stop trying to please everyone. Be kind but say No when needed. If this gets you offended, then I’m speaking to YOU!

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I genuinely want to ask a category of people who "claim" they like Turkey if they are sure their taste buds are okay? I mean, No offense but are you sure everything is okay? Like Turkey? I don’t mean the country -Turkey, like we write it. I mean the protein- Turkey.

So, what happened to Chicken? Fish even? Pork? Even Goat meet? And all you can think of is Turkey. All I can say is, it is well with you the TurkeyNation.

I act like I’m okay but deep down I want to know what kind of parenting is going on in this generation right now. Now, don’t tell me not to blame the parents for what I’m about to say because I will. Now, when I was growing up and this is not too far ago, I’m entering my mid-twenties, "they didn’t born us well" to be pressing phone anyhow. Infact, for some of us that had small phones then, it was strictly restricted during tests and school exams. Even sometimes for no reason, our parents just seized it and I know many others that didn’t have the privilege of using a phone till they gained admission into higher institution. Did we die? No, because if I had died due to lack of phone and Internet privilege, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

Now, tell me why kids preparing for JAMB are doing Get Ready With Me (GRWM) to write JAMB? Like you mean you recorded a video and asked us to get ready with you to go to your JAMB center and you posted it on Obasanjo’s Internet? And you are kissing your boyfriend while "reading?" "And Kunle, you are using an iPhone 14? I don’t get it and that’s why I’m putting the major blames on the parents. I don’t know how y’all are bringing up your kids these days.

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I don’t understand some friendships I see these days. So, you have a very close friend but he/she is not cool with someone for a reason and that reason is very valid but you choose to also be close with that person he/she is not cool with and you are complaining that your original friend is drifting away from you. Can you even hear yourself? Do you think it’s funny? So, you expect your friend to be telling you about her life and all when you are close to someone she doesn’t like? I mean now, come on now. I’m not even going to say much before you say “my friend’s enemy (in this context, you know what i mean) doesn’t need to be my own enemies, I don’t inherit people’s enemies” but I hope you understand that your friend’s enemy too doesn’t need to be your friend! It all boils down to the level of friends you keep because some of y’all are tacky. Just use your wisdom. You don’t need to inherit anybody’s friend or enemy, just be yourself and play it cool! But if I were you, if my friend isn’t cool with someone for very good reasons, I would stay clear of that person too but what do I know? Until you put your hands inside pepper and put it in your eyes, your body won’t calm down!

I act like everything is okay but deep down, I don’t understand why people categorize their characters, weaknesses and bad habits on Zodiac signs. Why is it a justification for your bad character Aunty? Uncle, why are you using it as an escape from accountability? You have bad characters, don’t blame it on Zodiac signs and I honestly don’t know what my zodiac sign is and guess what, I don’t care because that’s not who I am. If you base your entire existence on Zodiac signs, I don’t know what to tell you bro! Be safe out there sis!

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I hope we can address the issues of Rude vendors too. Look, I know we always talk about how customers can be stressful, demanding, rude and impolite all because they believe they are paying you "good money" for your products and services. I’m a vendor too so believe me when I say, some vendors can be really rude and we don’t talk about this enough. My brother sometimes ago referred me to a vendor and when I messaged her, telling her about the referral and what I needed, she didn’t even return my greeting or welcome me. She just told me the price. I wasn’t offended, I proceeded to ask her how I was going to use it and the duration so I can know the quantity to get. She said "you will know when you buy". I was deeply offended here. Her tone, charisma, everything was off. I’m being polite to you, the least you can be is to return the same energy. You might want to defend her and say she might have been stressed with other customers but No, it’s not a valid excuse. Everyone is stressed one way or the other. If you feel overwhelmed, you shouldn’t have responded to my message immediately, wait till you are calm and then respond politely. You don’t need to transfer a customer’s aggression to other customers. Anyway, I didn’t get it from her and I deleted her contact straight away because her service is of no use to me. If you wonder why people are not patronizing you enough even though you have quality products or render quality services and you are affordable but they patronize someone who is more expensive than you or even the standard of their products is not up to yours, the difference might be in your customer service. People like where they are valued, respected, politely attended to, genuinely cared for. They are paying for it but they want value. So if you are being disrespectful in the way you receive your customers, I promise that you will not only lose them but every possible referral that you will get from them. Unless you change, but if you don’t, MARK MY WORDS!

I act like everything is okay but deep down, I want to know what goes on in the mind of people that wakes up, out on their camera, set their ring lights and begin to cry. Now I divided this into two categories;

You see some people will start crying on camera because their partners broke up with them, post it on Mark Zuckerberg’s confinement and now that it has reached us, what do you want us to do? Beat your boyfriend? Slap your girlfriend? I don’t get, what should we do? Don’t you people have families? Do you not have people you are accountable to? Are you shameless? Do you not feel concerned for your future? I honestly have no words.

Now, to those of you vendors that you will record yourself crying to market your products. You see, I did a course on Marketing and there was no module when they discussed with us that Crying is a form of Product promotion and marketing. So, I’m really surprised y’all. You know what the funny thing is? Many people will not patronize you because they can term you to being manipulative. If your products are good or you render good services and all things being equal, the least thing you might consider doing is begging people to buy your products because if you are bold, have good expertise and confident enough, your products and services will command people to come for it. Now, you are crying and you expect me to buy? Even, I am empathetic. Now, what do you think non-empathetic people will see you as? Answer the question yourself.
Now it’s all good, you have cried but ask yourself, is it recording? What if all the tears didn’t record and you have to start again. Oh My God, let me go and sleep.

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I am craving my favorite food. I know you want to know what it is, I’ve been called weird but it’s okay. Now, don’t laugh. I’m craving Soft Yam and fish sauce. Yes, I said it. I know I have triggered some of you earlier but forgive me, it’s because I’m craving my favorite food. Okay, bye.
See y’all when my craving gets satisfied!

I learnt the words “Gaslight” and “Sabotage” a little bit late despite my vast knowledge in grammar. You’d assume I knew what these words meant but I didn’t.

What made me open my dictionary to find out the meaning was regarding a case involving a couple and it was said that the man gaslighted the woman and she fell a victim of the sabotage.

When I knew what those words meant, I hated it, despised it even. I put up my hands, allowed my thumb and middle finger kiss and waved it over my head in the Nigerian “God forbid” style.

Sabotage simply put means “ to deliberately destroy or damage something in order to prevent it from being successful”

and Gaslight means “To manipulate someone psychologically such that they question their own sanity”.

These meanings are wicked, brutal even.

So, we all agree these actions are bad. We all agree that we hate them, of course except the evil perpetrators of these criminal activities will beg to differ.

But what should we do to you?

Yes, you.

You who would wake up everyday in the morning and wish yourself the barest minimum or even below that.

You, who would look in the mirror and wished you were someone else. Someone better, finer or perhaps more affluent. Someone whom you think doesn’t possess the insecurities you carry.

What should we do to you?

Yes, you.

You, who hurt yourself with negative words and hurt your mind with negative energy because you don’t think you are where you ought to be.

It’s bad that people get gaslighted by others, but it’s mean when you are doing it to your own self, deliberately self-sabotaging yourself.

If I may?

YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD!!!

Define your good.

Yes, I’m asking you to define what good means to you.

I’m not talking the barest minimum here, I’m talking what would make you feel on top of the world or make you fly in the sky. What would make you shine like the star that you are and that my friend, is your good!

You deserve everything good but first, you need to dig up a grave to bury your sabotaged and gaslighted self in it. I’m talking, something deep that will stay unalive forever.

You deserve everything good and like Sefi Atta “Everything good will come to you” and I add “only if you want it to”!

No, I didn’t forget to wish you a happy new year. So, happy new year buddies 🎈🎉. This is my way of gassing you up for the new year because this year, we need to get results. Hence, we drive right to action. So, be on the wheels ready!

I saw a tweet one time when a lady said and I paraphrase “your friends are not your customers, you shouldn’t expect any sort of business support from them and you shouldn’t be angry if they don’t support you, focus on your target customer instead”.

Excuse me please (laughs in dilemma).

I’m really confused and curious about what this lady meant. Is she playing?
when I saw this tweet, the first thing that came to my mind is, why should this be so? because really, why should it be so? Your friend, your own friend and you shouldn’t expect support from them? (Laughs again in second dilemma).

You see this all boils down to what your definition of friendship is because I think many people misquote the word “friendship” a lot of time although I understand that many people have friends for various reasons; some are vacation friends, some are slay friends, some are Instagram or TikTok friends. You see, I’m not talking about those group of friends, I’m talking about the kind of people you consider your go-to friends, your soulmates, your sisters, your family, people you cannot hide from, your circle.

Why has it become a common belief that if someone is your friend, that doesn’t mean you should expect them to support your business? I said “common belief” because I realized a lot of people agreed under this woman’s tweet. I counter and double counter that. I think people that have this belief has set such standards of friendship for themselves and they are okay with it.

Infact, I read a story of a woman who had been friends with someone for over twenty years and the concurrent issues they always had was that this woman’s friend never supports her in her career. She never recommends her to organizations in need of services she renders, she never stood up for her when people are trying to tarnish her image, all she does was smile and hide under the fact that “she doesn’t like talking too much in public” and this woman legit lost a very big opportunity that would have changed her life forever because nobody recommended her for the job and she got to know about the opportunity after the job slot had already been allocated. Now, she got even more pained to know that her so-called bestie was in the room when they needed someone to render that service and she never recommended her even though, she knew she was very good at what she does. This woman was so hurt that she was asking strangers anonymously if she should end the friendship. I told myself that this woman would really sabotage herself the more if she let that so-called bestie back into her life because that ain’t a friend, even an acquaintance wouldn’t do that to someone. That’s pure hatred!

Personally, I don’t believe in having a large circle of friends, for various reasons and one of the reasons is that I believe in intentionality, commitment and accountability in friendship. I can’t do that with many people, that is why I decided to limit my circle of friends to be small and within my capacity.
Now, I believe that one of my responsibilities as a friend to my friends is that I be of support to them in every area of their life, emphasis on every. I can’t be a support system to my friend emotionally and I neglect or ignore him or her when it comes to their business. That is a Capital No for me. If all you do with your friends is gist, gossip, eat out, take a vacation and all of that juicy stuff but when it comes to their business, career and life, you decide not to have nothing to do with it, then of what value and use is your friendship?

One of my friends has a business asides her career path, she is a make up artist. When she started her business, you would think I’m a partner in the business. I will post her flyer, post her works, encourage her, do ads for her so that people can patronize her, share opportunities concerning her line, be a critic sometimes and I still do that. look, she didn’t ask me to do so but I believe it is my responsibility to do so. This is the same energy I will give if any of my friends again decides to open a business.

Why would my friend have a running business and I think it doesn’t concern me, that would be a totally wrong mindset for me.

Your friends should be your support system in any area of your life that you need them and you shouldn’t have to force them to be there for you, it should be a natural obligation for them to do that.
Now, I know you might be having a lot of questions and probably one of them could be; "what if I don’t like the kind of business my friend is doing or I don’t like the quality?"
This is one of the most asked questions in this case and if this were to happen to me in the case of I don’t like the kind of business, I will communicate it with my friend. "Hey b, you know I love you and I’ve always supported you and I’m proud of you wanting to do something good for yourself but you see this particular business, I don’t really like it because it doesn’t go well with who I am and what I stand for and me supporting this business could be a misrepresentation to myself and I really want you to know I support you, what can I do to help?"

There are several ways of doing this discussion but this is just one of them. In the end, what you are doing is communicating your support, intent, and stand at the same time and even if your friend acts up, deep down, he or she truly gets you.

Now, If in the case of lower quality. As a friend, what I would do is to discuss it with him or her as well, probably they are just starting and they don’t have the funds to do it in a higher quality, if there’s any way you could help them, do so. Talk to them about it, if you can help them get sponsorships or a better training so they can level up, do so. Whichever way, they know you have their best interest at heart.

Another excuse some people give is that "they are busy ". I believe that people still make out time for people who are important to them and worst case scenario, you communicate to your friend and he or she understands.

Note of warning, don’t expect what you don’t give. If you don’t give support to your friends and don’t encourage their business, don’t expect such as well. Likewise, if you a great support system for your friends but you never get same and you have tried communicating it to them but you see no change, it might be time for you to have a change of friend or friends as the case may be.

Don’t sabotage yourself, never do so. You owe it to yourself!

We live in a world where people normalize saying irrational, confusing and deeply negative things. Especially in this Gen-Z people, they don’t think there’s such a big deal to saying anything they want to say because they think it’s just words and it ain’t that deep but If you belong to the school of thought which strongly believes that words are actually that deep, and yes, very expensive.

I believe that words are in fact of one of the most powerful instruments of change given to man. You can decide the trajectory of your life with your mouth, you can make or mar your life with your words, you can determine how your life will be with the kind of words you say.
Whatever situation you are in or whatever it is you are facing, the words that come out of your mouth will determine if you will emerge gracefully or you will leave with an utter disgrace.

You can shame someone with your words, you can make someone feel worthless with the kind of words you say, you can improve someone’s work rate with your words, you can increase someone’s value with still your words, this is not even funny but you can make someone a victim of bully with your words and God forbid make someone to commit self harm or worse, suicide.

Words are assets, powerful instruments that proceed from thoughts. Most times, when people are angry and they burst out provocative and hurtful words from their mouth, they are thoughts they’ve conceived in their minds but probably never found the opportunity to spit them out, now that they are angry, everything comes out flying in the window of their mouths.

Since words are an outcome of thoughts, it’s important to state here that thoughts is directly proportional to whatever you feed your mind with. The mind might seem to be in a subconscious state but it’s super active and pays attention to the minutest detail you can ever imagine. Have you ever wondered how you just know the lyrics of a song you didn’t actually listen to or have on your phone? Or you say a particular sentence and you are shockeed at why such word came to your mind? It could probably be a result of hearing the songs around your surroundings or watching a particular TV show that you didn’t even notice.

The point is whatever you feed your mind with is what will begin to occupy your thoughts and whatever thoughts you cumulate will end up becoming the words you say subconsciously and consciously.

Another thing is, if you want to change the trajectory of your words from negative to positive status, you need to pay attention to your surroundings and the people you surround yourself with. If the people around you believe in negativity and speak it all the time, you will soon begin to say it too sooner or later. Influence is a huge statement and your circle determines your influence status a lot. Like someone would say, “if you are surrounded by three foolish people, you didn’t count well. There are actually four foolish people”.

Sometimes, it is not what you are saying, it is how you are saying it. They are actually two sides of the same coin. If you are saying the right thing with the wrong attitude, you are still saying the wrong thing because you probably don’t even believe what you are saying. I learnt the hard way to watch my mouth, to be intentional with it.

You will get whatever you say with your mouth .
Words are powerful, use them for your own good!

Everyone has memories of themselves as a child. There are some you’ve forgotten, some blurry and some, so vivid as day. As a child, I was so eager to grow up, you know, to be an adult, to be independent and self controlled. I wanted to live my life as I please but guess who wishes to become a child now that she’s grown? Me, yesss, me.

I remember one time when I was eager to come back from school so I will play with my friends, roll in the sand, clean up, eat again and go back to sleep. No worries, no anxieties, just genuine laughter and friendship.

To be frank, I think we were not really informed about this adult thing and I don’t think many people were informed too. Turns out that living an adult life is way more complicated than being a child.

As a child, all I had to do was play, eat, sleep and go to school. I didn’t know how the bills were paid and why should I care then? I was only a child but look who’s filled with responsibilities now? Me, yes me.

As a child, I wasted food a lot because I didn’t like eating. I would pour my lunch in a nearby bush because my parents mustn’t discover that I didn’t eat my food. I will then carry an empty flask home and pretend I finished the food. Guess who’s placing food on calculation now? Me, still me.

As a child, I couldn’t pick any extra meat or fish in the pot of soup because my mum tagged it “stealing”. Guess who now confidently eats anything she likes whether or not people are present? Moi, moi Ebunoluwa ( that’s the good part though).

As a child, I didn’t have any cares in the world. I was just living, I had the best time and I wish every child has the chance to have fun-filled memories of their childhood because that should probably be the easiest phase of life.

Sometimes, I wish we can just take a break from this adult thing and become a child again, feel like a child, play like a child, sleep like a child.

If you are reading this, I hope your inner child comes out to play soon and you enjoy every bit of it. Cheers to taking a break and being a child again, even if it’s for one moment 🥂

I didn’t know what the word "introvert" meant till I was around fifteen years old. Prior to that, I just knew people said I was different and I was socially awkward. I was terribly shy and the thought of looking into someone’s eyes while talking to me would cower me. I desperately avoided anything that had to do with a one -on- one conversation with anybody. Not only that, I hated, I mean really hated going out, I just loved, still Love spending time with and by myself and count me out of anything adventurous, I shall not be found there.

Growing up, I remember my dad always told me that I would change as time went by. Everyday, I looked forward to the change but it wasn’t forthcoming. So, I decided to accept myself as the introvert that I am.

So, let me speak generally as an introvert on behalf of all introverts. One of the things that pointed me out as an introvert was the fact that I love spending time with myself. I know many people are foreign to this concept, no offense and I hope none is taken by the extroverts but I genuinely loved spending time by myself. Ask me what I have been doing in the house for a whole month and you’d be surprised at my list; sleeping, eating, writing, reading, dressing up in front of the mirror, acting like a model on the runway, dancing to Fuji songs in my room and talking to myself. No, I’m not weird, well, maybe I am but don’t ask me if I will do this in front of people, no thanks but yes, I love doing that all by myself. So if you call me and I tell you I’m busy, these are what I’m busy doing, there might be exceptions though, so don’t come for me (sips cold tea).

Secondly, we have a natural phobia for crowds. Why on earth would you invite an introvert to a place with crowd and you expect them to have "fun and be themselves"? No, that’s not going to happen. They are not going to be themselves, infact all they are looking forward to is to get out of that place and find their way to their room fast. For the love of God, the fact that they’re acting okay doesn’t mean they are actually okay. In our minds, we are already calculating how many seconds it remains to leave or cooking a valid excuse to leave. We just want to lie on our beds and my introvert friends agree with this.

Thirdly, before you call an introvert, ask yourself these questions;
What is the nature of the emergency?
Does this emergency warrant calling or can I send a text?

If I can’t send a text, can it wait till I see him/her physically?
If I can’t send a text about the real information, can I at least send a text to give the person a heads up on why I want to call?
Please make sure all these answers are no before you actually call an introvert. I personally have anxiety for calls. So some times that I miss calls, the phone is actually ringing beside me but I’m in no mood to pick up the calls and again, Kunle, why are you calling me on voice call or video call on Whatsapp ? The fact that I’m online doesn’t mean I’m available, please repent.

Another thing is, please and please, do not just barge in to visit an introvert. I beg you with the love of God, please ask to tell them you are coming to visit and make sure their social battery is a bit on the normal side. Make sure you are actually scheduled for a visit unless you have an exception because of your relationship with the person. Asides being an introvert, I think it’s polite for you to actually call someone before You visit, I think it’s a normal procedure but I have seen extroverts that actually don’t mind whether you call or not, infact, they are already bored by themselves and you just saved them a great ordeal by coming to visit but please and please, never try this with an introvert. Never do it!

On the other hand, if you are coming to visit, please understand that their social battery gets drained quickly (unless you are part of their comfort zones), please, don’t overstay your welcome. Once you see them starting to get distance and fake laughing, it’s time to go Chommy. They are tired, we are tired of the conversation, we want to refill our battery.

Another challenge I had being an introvert was that I had a huge problem in knowing how to make friends and actually Keep friends. My brother is an extrovert to the extreme and he could make friends in less than a minute by just starting a conversation and before you know it, they are talking like they’ve met one another for years. I just didn’t understand how he did it effortlessly as well as my other extrovert friends. I have been in a place for a year whereby the only thing I said to the people there everyday was "Hi, good morning" and "goodnight" or sometimes random questions about what I don’t understand but did I actually made friends? No, a solid big No. It was a huge challenge for me.

In all of these, the most important thing to me that I wanted to learn was how to Network. I suffered and missed a lot of opportunities because I didn’t know how to relate with people and how to respond to them. I had to consciously decide to learn how to Network and be socially aware. I attended different conferences and workshops but online and offline, I listened to speakers and actively praticalized it. Trust me, it wasn’t easy but I made the decision to be who I wanted. Now, when people meet me for the first time, they think I’m an extrovert. Many people find it hard to believe that I’m actually an introvert. It’s actually a pleasure to me and sometimes funny because that means what I had learnt and worked for had actually begun to show results. Nevertheless, I make people who care to know understand that’s just a part of me, the real part is the real deal!

I’m still me, the weird introvert who people thought would never be able to stand up in front of people, make eye contact and talk without skipping a line. I’m there now and it’s so surreal. I’m happy I’m now socially aware, (still learning though). I can no longer lose an opportunity because I’m afraid to make the first move or connect or speak up.

Dear introverts, you can still learn to be who you want despite how you are naturally. Don’t resign to fate yet, you can really be who you want to. Likewise dear extroverts, introverts are trying to be more socially aware too, give us some grace!