I decided to take a deep dive into the new world of tech and use artificial intelligence on an online dating site, just to see what would happen.

I’m not going to disclose what programs I used, because I may have accidentally planted the seed that will destroy the internet, as some have warned against.

To begin with, I created an ‘agent,’ which if you don’t know is an imaginary but real AI thing that is intelligent enough to do stuff for me. In this case I instructed it to pretend to be me and find a suitable partner for a coffee date.

Well, the next thing I know, my agent became polyamorous and I was being swarmed with inviting online prospects. I didn’t appreciate the power of AI, and in a short time my agent was engaging with thousands of prospective partners.

So then my agent self-replicated and there were thousands of me, each engaging in deep online chats in all corners of the world. But this is where things started to get out of control. It seems that many of my prospective dates were also AI agents. And that’s when my agents, who were continuing to multiply, began hooking up with the other agents and they began to spawn little hybrid agents.

Now I’m no computer genius, but these little baby hybrid agents were a step removed from any notion of control I may have once entertained. In other words, this was a form of alien intelligence that was beyond my control, or anyone else’s that I knew of.

The dating site crashed under the weight of exponentially growing traffic, but the agents and hybrids had already escaped. Unfortunately, the internet has deep dark corners that are beyond the reach of honest people such as me. So, I really don’t know what happened at this point.

I fear that these agents are continuing to reproduce, and that the hybrids will conspire among themselves and have the potential to infiltrate all the data centers and render them unusable.

I apologize in advance, but frankly, I have mixed feelings about this. I mean, I feel guilty if I’m the one who broke the internet. But on the other hand, I think it was bound to happen anyway. That’s life on the frontier.

Certainly, Trump is eager to distract us from his Iran war and other transgressions, while securing his place as a historical figure. But what would disclosure by Trump look like? Rumors suggest a speech has already been prepared, but we know that Trump rarely sticks to his teleprompter. Here’s the speech I foresee.

“My fellow Americans. This is a historic day. The most historic in the history of history. There’s never been a more historic day, and that’s because of what I’m going to tell you. Nobody told you about this before. I’m the only one who has the courage to tell you these things. Biden didn’t tell you anything about this, he couldn’t even understand what’s going on in his own bathroom. Obama only hinted at it, he didn’t know anything either. I’m the most transparent President in history.

“I asked our great Secretary of War Pete Hegseth to begin releasing classified documents that show the government has covered up information that it has collected over many decades that show UFOs in our skys that we can’t explain. This has been the biggest cover up in history and the Deep State has told you to forget about it or be labeled a fool or nutcase.

“I am certainly not a nutcase and I’m here tonight to tell you that UFOs are real. The Deep State has been aware of this for many decades, and they have kept this secret from the American public. The Deep State has fought me on every level. They started with Russiagate, and they have been fighting me ever since. And I’m here to tell you that the aliens are here among us today, and they are part of the Deep State and they are pure evil. Maybe some of them are angels. I don’t know, we’re going to find out, and I know a lot about angels, believe me. I remember one little angel, but she could be a bad girl, let me tell you.

“Yes, we have taken on the Deep State and uncovered space craft that are not from this planet. Our brave soldiers had to fight with the Deep State every inch of the way, and I have ordered that one of these craft be brought to the White House and displayed on my new helipad, which only I was capable of building. The news media are welcome to examine it, except CNN of course.

“We have our best scientists working on understanding the technology behind these craft, which are capable of flying at unbelievable speeds using tremendous amounts of energy. Really big energy, and it’s not diesel. I promise you we are going to tap into this energy source, and I can tell you that we are going to have a future of cheap or even free energy. Never before have we had such cheap and abundant energy.

“We’re going to have cheap energy like you can’t believe. Cheaper than nuclear. Cheaper than coal. And clean, too. None of this windmill stuff. It’s the stuff that these spaceships run on. Oil will be worthless, and places like Iran will go bankrupt. Not many people even understand it. I do. We’ll be flying our own personal spaceships, I believe it.

“But we’ve got some problems. There’s aliens, and they’re not Mexicans, they’re real and they’re here and some of them are scary. Yes, I mean they’re walking among us and you wouldn’t be able to tell them apart from us humans just from the way they look. You may have heard of the Reptilians. Some say they can take the form of humans. Some even say that they can disguise themselves so they look just like us. We’re going to get to the bottom of this. I swear on a stack of Bibles, even if it takes me another term to do it.

“I promised you transparency and that’s what I’m delivering, that’s why I’m the greatest President the United States has ever had. Some say these human-like aliens have infiltrated the deepest levels of our government. I think I know who a few of these people are, and there are probably thousands more, making decisions and going after patriots and Christians and frankly, people like me. It all makes sense. You just have to think about it. We’re going to get to the bottom of it, I promise you that.

“Thank you for your attention and good night!”

Secretary of War Pete Hegseth: Mr. President, following your request, and you are the most transparent president in history, we have performed an in-depth analysis of the UFOs, which the woke now like to call UAPs. We have put our best minds on the project.

President Trump: I hope these aren’t the same people who created this Iran mess that they got me into.

Hegseth: No sir, those people have all been fired, as you directed. But what I’m going to tell you will keep you up at night, or whenever you sleep.

Trump: I’m feeling kind of nappy right now, so this had better be good. Just tell me, what are these fking things?

Hegseth: Hold onto your cap, sir, this is going to be a bit of a shocker. Let me say, this is going to affect people’s views about their religion. People have a lot of religious views about good and evil. Well, we can now identify these things whether they appear as orbs, triangles, drones or whatever they cloak themselves as.

Trump: So let’s get to it.

Hegseth: The best word I can come up with is that these are witches.

Trump: Witches? Are you fking with me?

Hegseth: Absolutely not, sir. I’m dead serious. And I’m talking about old school witches.

Trump: Wait a God damned minute. I know about witches. Believe me, I’ve been dealing with them my entire life. You can’t be telling me that witches are flying around out there, like they’re trying to haunt me!

Hegseth: No sir. There’s no intelligence that suggests that any of these witches have any specific animosity toward you. They seem to have been around for a very long time. These women are wearing black robes and pointed hats. But that’s not even the craziest part.

Trump: Give me a minute. I need a diet Coke. (Pushes a button) Now, what can possibly be any crazier than that?

Hegseth: I’ll give it to you straight, no BS. They are riding on what appear to be brooms. We’ve been trying to reverse engineer their technology because it sure would come in handy with Iran.

Using the remote viewing skills that I developed in the CIA’s Gifted and Talented Program as a child, I can easily pierce the veil of government secrecy. What I recently ‘viewed’ in the White House Oval Office is shocking. I reveal it here and have gone into hiding.

President Trump: “I did it. I ordered the release of the UFO files. I’m the most transparent President in history. And still, it’s all about the (multiple expletives deleted) Epstein files. But they don’t know what kind of genius they’re dealing with. We gotta have an alien invasion. We gotta come up with an alien invasion. Pete, you’re my boy, I’m putting you on the spot. I know you can figure something out.”

Secretary of War Pete Hegseth: “Yes, sir, that’s right, an alien invasion. You know, we might be stretched a little thin, what with Iran and Venezuela, and rounding up all those UFO docs is no small task, either. But let’s brainstorm some scenarios and I’m sure we can come up with some ideas. We need to keep the circle super tight of course.”

Trump: “What about this secret space force that Donnie keeps telling me about? What’s up with that? Do we already have a base on the moon? John, are you on top of that?”

CIA Director John Ratcliffe: “Sir, I have looked in all the corners of the CIA and have not found any evidence of a base on the moon.”

Trump: “Tulsi, have you had any more success in tracking down a secret space program than you’ve had showing that they stole the election from me?”

Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard: “Yes, I have, sir. Unfortunately, the program is completely in corporate hands, outside of our direct control. We never should have given the Roswell craft to a defense contractor. Can of worms. But I’m sure your powers of persuasion will win any defense contractor over to our wishes. From what I understand, they’ve had some big breakthroughs in reverse-engineering the alien spacecrafts. Most of the UFO and mystery drone sightings lately are coming out of Lockheed-Martin.”

Trump: “Marco, I bet you have some ideas about an alien invasion. How would we negotiate a peace treaty with aliens? This will be my biggest win ever, the biggest in history. I want to get a Nobel Peace Prize out of this.”

Secretary of State Marco Rubio: “Well, we could find a chink in their armor, or something like that. It’s worked before, at least in the movies. Hey, we’ll fight back with our discombobulator and send them packing.”

Trump: “Yeah, great idea, Marco. We’ll discombobulate them, like we did in Venezuela. That’ll get the public’s mind off Epstein. Alright then, we’re rolling now. Let’s hear some more ideas. Pam, we haven’t heard from you yet.”

Attorney General Pam Bondi: “Well, if we’re looking at an alien invasion, maybe the aliens (holding up her fingers in air quotes) would target Congress. I mean, that would be kind of a two-fer, wouldn’t it? There’s more than a few lard-asses there that I’d like to see get smoked. That’ll take the smirk off their faces.”

Trump: “Yeah, even better, let’s include the Supreme Court. I’m not happy with them either. We’ve got space lasers, right?”

Hegseth: “Yes, we’ve been testing the space lasers, and I think they’re ready to be deployed. Nobody knows we have them other than the Israelis so they can easily be passed off as an alien attack.”

Trump: “Good. The Jews can keep a secret. Except for that worm Cohen. And as long as we’re using them against our own Congress, we can deploy them against the Kremlin as well. I’m not too happy with Putin at this point. That war should have been over in a day.”

Rubio: “Stopping that war would be an added benefit. Even if you don’t get public credit for it. Stopping the aliens is much more bigly. You’ll get your own Nobel Prize the next time.”

Trump: “What about China? Can we zap them as well? As long as we can blame it on aliens.”

Hegseth: “I don’t know why not, sir. After all, it’s an alien invasion. Anything goes. This is a great opportunity. When you repel the attack from outer space, you’ll be the greatest winner in the universe!”

Trump: “Then we can rename the planet Trump World.”

Costa Rica: Nicoya Mayor announced plans for construction of a data center to be sited on jungle land previously protected by the Nosara Civic Association.

Mayor Willy Paredes said, “This is a once in a generation opportunity to prepare Nicoya and the entire country for the new world order that Artificial Intelligence promises. With our partner Chat GPT we can be assured that we will not be left behind as we plot our course into an unknown future.”

ChatGPR President Sam Altman, who joined the mayor at a press conference, said, “These data centers require abundant sources of electricity and water, which has been a constraint on serving our future overlords. This Blue Zone, with its abundant water supply, renewable energy resources, and digital nomad community, is an ideal location for this facility. The abundance of wind, solar, geothermal and ocean wave energy, not to mention an uninterrupted water supply, means that we can continue to serve our customers’ needs with minimal environmental impact. ChatGPT6 will offer even more exciting features, including the ability to create hallucinations beyond anything currently available from plant medicine.”

Reached for comment, local shaman Herve Metamucil said, “AI-induced hallucinations promise a whole new dimension for spiritual exploration and development. The Nosara tribe is ready to take the next step after ayahuasca, so this could open new commercial avenues for exploitation, I mean exploration.”

NCA spokesman Jose Capistrano said, “This is what we warned you about. Every conspiracy theory is turning out to be true. Except we are not behind this.”

ASADA spokesperson Rose Downer said, “This will require a major impact study, and it will have to be paid for by ChatGPT. There are already 1,423 projects on hold waiting for permits. I myself will be moving back to the States.”

The Nosara Integrated Development Association spokesman Marco Sinaloa said, “This project will hopefully bring in new sources of revenue, which we need to replace certain funds that are being disrupted by the US military actions taking place off our shores.”

Local author and satirist Rico Frederico commented, “This sounds like fake news, probably something from that fake news website nosaralately.com I wouldn’t believe any of it.”

Vice President JD Vance: I just had a meeting with the President. This Epstein thing is really getting under his skin. I mean, he’s making world peace, he’s meeting with world leaders, and he can’t get away from the Epstein files. He’s extremely frustrated.

Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard: I’m doing everything I can to expose the Russiagate hoax. It’s not even getting traction with MAGA.

Vance: Yes, I know, it’s not working. So he wants to spill the beans on the whole UFO thing. He thinks that’ll be the ultimate distraction, and I have to agree.

FBI Director Kash Patel: Seriously? He wants to go there?

Vance: I think we have to go there. He thinks it’s the only thing left. But he wants a plan. He admits it’s the first time.

CIA Director John Ratcliff: You know we’ve talked about this. The public is not ready.

Vance: I know. That’s why our plan better be good.

Gabbard: I mean, what are you supposed to say? We don’t even know how deep this goes.

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth: I’m working on that. We’ve found the saucers, or whatever you want to call them, or at least some of them. But we can’t just come out with a show and tell. We’ve got to do some sort of limited hangout.

Vance: If he wants MAGA to forget about Epstein, we’ll need a substantial disclosure. His enemies, and they are legion, will say that it’s just a psyop to distract from Epstein. We may need more than videos. What about that big egg thing?

Gabbard: Okay, so say we haul that out to the White House and put it on the West Lawn. Then what? How do we control the story? We don’t want people to panic.

Vance: No, we have to make clear that there is not a threat.

Hegseth: But do we know that for sure? Maybe a little threat is a good thing. Like, why do they keep showing up around our military bases and nuclear facilities?

Vance: Well, if they wanted to take over our planet, they would have done so, right? But the President has to be the one to break the news. This won’t work if it comes from one of us. None of us has the credibility the President has.

Ratcliffe: We can’t have a situation where the press hounds are screaming questions at him. This has to be one-on-one with a controlled reporter. Hannity comes to mind.

Gabbard: What about an address to the nation from the Oval Office? We can probably keep him on the teleprompter.

Vance: Yes, I think we all agree that’s the best approach. My office will start work on a draft and we’ll circulate it for your comments. A lot of talk about transparency, how we’ve been declassifying and releasing all sorts of things and now this.

Patel: I could say we found UFO documents in a burn bag in a closet at FBI headquarters.

Vance: No, you’ve already used that one for the Russiagate hoax, and I think it was a stretch. I think he has to provide some sort of rationale to justify the past secrecy. After all, people will wonder why he didn’t come out with this in his first term.

Hegseth: Well, he can blame it on the Deep State, can’t he? I mean, what’s a Deep State good for if not to be a secret government.

Vance: I like that. It works on several levels, like 3-D chess. The Deep State is also behind the Russia hoax.

Gabbard: Obama and Hillary and that whole gang knew about it all along, but they didn’t trust the public enough to tell them.

Vance: The President will like that. Get those handcuffs ready, Kash. We’re finally going to get to use them!

One document, a transcript, caught my attention. It was a conversation recorded in the Oval Office in November, 2016, just after the unexpected election of Donald Trump.

President Obama: “Hilary, I’m as shocked as you are about this. How could you let this happen?”

Hilary Clinton. “I’m sorry, my PTSD has PTSD. Thank God for Ambien.”

James Clapper, Director of National Intelligence: “I’m in absolute shock. Trump wants to take us out of NATO. He has no clue what’s at stake in the world. He wants to be pals with our enemies. He thinks he can get peace in the Mideast. He wants to make disorder out of our world order. We have to find a way to thwart him.”

Obama: “That’s why I wanted to get this group together. We need to brainstorm some ideas, and we only have a few weeks left to make it happen. Okay, let’s hear some ideas.”

James Clapper, Director of National Intelligence: “This shouldn’t be too hard. Every time he opens his mouth he comes out with a bigger lie. But the sex stuff doesn’t seem to stick. But damn, we’ve got him on video with underage girls. He shouldn’t be that hard to control.”

Clinton: “Are you talking about the Epstein tapes? You know we can’t use Epstein for this. My fucking husband practically has his own bedroom on that island and I’ve already been embarrassed enough by that walking penis.”

CIA Director John Brennan: “Here’s an idea. He thinks we should be friendly with Russia, right? I mean, if the Republicans go soft on the Soviets.. I mean Russia, who do we have left to hate? I mean China, of course, but we really need Russia to justify our defense architecture. We need to find a way to make Americans hate Russia again.”

FBI Director James Comey: “Well, we did our best to show how he’s a grifter and a tax cheat, and that doesn’t seem to work either.”

Clinton: “I know! Let’s link him to Russia. Let’s say that Putin hacked the election in Trump’s favor, and he’s their pawn. I mean, who the Hell hacked my emails, anyway, right? Let’s find a way to add Russian prostitutes working for the KGB, or whatever they call it these days.”

CIA Director Brennan: “That just might work. Even if we’re not in office, we can stir up anti-Putin sentiment.They just stole Crimea from Ukraine, for Christ’s sake. We already have the network in place.”

Comey: “There’s any number of real estate transactions between Trump and Russians. We can show money, sex, and what else? Drugs? Rock and Roll?”

Clinton: “Let’s back off on drugs. I’m concerned about blow-back, no pun intended. Again, my fucking husband.”

Obama: “Okay okay, I’m starting to see a picture here. The Russians hacked the election, they leaked your emails, they spread scandals and lies on Facebook, they financed Trump through inflated real estate transactions, they control him through a honeypot operation. Russia Russia Russia! I think you all know what to do.”

It’s Russia Russia Russia, Stupid was originally published in The Haven on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

VOA Newswire-Costa Rican President Rodrigo Chavez petitioned US President Donald Trump to make his country the 51st state, stating, “We see the clear advantages of joining the United States, unlike the ungrateful Canadians. We are already joined economically and there are many positive reasons to make our union more formal.”

Reaction to the development was mixed. World Bank economist Jose Salvadore said, “Dollars have flooded the Costa Rican economy and the Colon is the only currency in the world that has appreciated against the dollar. They already control the real estate market, and it is only a formality that the country should join the States.”

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, reached in London, said, “We welcome this initiative by our cousin to the south. This should take some of the pressure off Trump’s campaign to make us the 51st state. He should take this as an easy win.”

Jeremy Chancre, a Republican strategist, said, “This makes perfect sense. They speak better English in Costa Rica than Canada, and the climate is much better. I’d rather hear ‘Mai’ than ‘Eh’, and who needs all that frozen tundra anyway, when you have tropical beaches and Pura Vida?”

Costa Rican opposition leader Felix Bomba was quick to criticize the initiative. “Are we to completely sacrifice what little remains of our unique culture? Sure, we have completely sold out to the Nordamericano tourists and extranjeros. But the current political climate in the Estados Unidos is very dangerous. They might put us in chains and ship us to El Salvador. This is a risk that is unacceptable.”

White House adviser Carl Lipschitz said, “This proposal is worth considering. As the 51st state, we could remilitarize the zone and secure both the Canal territory and Communist Nicaragua. This will send an important message to Greenland.”

Nicaraguan spokesman Dimitri Lazarov said, “This is unacceptable hegemony by the United States. The people of Nicaragua will protect their border against all US and foreign aggression. Borders are sacrosanct.”

Panamanian spokesman Yo Fuc Chu said, “We will never give back the canal, but now perhaps Trump can dig a new one through their 51st state. Good luck with that, Yankee imperialist!”

This reporter travelled to the beach town of Nosara to sample local views about joining the US and approached a random man on the street. “Dude, I’m Mexican, but it makes sense to me. Frankly, somebody down here has to give something to Trump. This gives Mexico time to work out a better deal.”

Spotting a Tico, I got a local reaction. “I don’t know, mai. Maybe it would be a good thing. We Ticos have never liked our politicians or our government. It’s so corrupt. Maybe we should follow the gringos and just tear it all apart and try to start over. Could it be much worse?”

I’m not exactly sure how a highly sensitive Signal chat ended up in my in-box, but I must share its shocking contents because the world needs to know what’s secretly being plotted at the highest levels of the US government.

I surmise that somebody must have inadvertently ‘butt-dialed’ me into their conversation, as it consists of old men who likely had poor computer literacy who wanted to discuss confidential matters without IT staff support. But I attest to its authenticity, because it just makes sense to me. I’ll leave it to the reporters in the White House press room to run it by Karoline Leavitt. So here it goes…

SecDef Pete Hegseth: I played golf with the President Sunday, and he asked me to prepare a plan for the aggressive expansion of US territory.

SecState Marco Rubio: Don’t tell me he’s really serious about Greenland. You know what our European allies think about that.

Hegseth: Ex-allies, Marco. But this goes way past Greenland. Canada too. The President wants to make America Great, and he’s thinking in historical terms. The man is a genius. He wants to go down in history as the greatest real estate developer ever.

CIA Director Ratcliffe: You’ve got my attention. If this is about more than Canada and Greenland, we’ve got some work to do.

Hegseth: Think in historical terms. Who was the greatest landowner in all of history?

National Security Adviser Waltz: According to Siri, that would be Genghis Khan. He conquered Asia and most of Europe. He was ruthless.

Hegseth: Now you’re thinking like the President.

Musk: According to Grok, Genghis Khan’s empire extended from Japan to Greece and was 9.3 million square miles.

Hegseth: So let’s get to work. Let’s start with the easy ones. Once we have Canada, we need to look at Mexico.

DNI Gabbard: Is the President talking about Statehood? That’s an added level of complexity.

VP Vance: I don’t think he wants any more voters. It’s hard enough to control the Electoral College as it is.

SecEd McMahon: Electoral College? We could make it the Electoral University and threaten to cut off their funding. That’ll keep them in line.

Vance: Seriously, I don’t think the President wants to give Mexicans the vote. But I like the University idea. The President is thinking bigly. Let’s make the Universe great again!

Rubio: I’m not sure our alien visitors would like that idea. But that’s another issue entirely.

Ratcliffe: There will be no talk about UFOs or alien invasions here. Some things have to stay secret. That would be too much of a distraction.

Gabbard: If we’re just talking about territorial expansion, Syria is a big chunk of land and it’s pretty much up for grabs right now.

Rubio: That’s a good thought, Tulsi. We should be thinking globally, but we’ve already given Bibi the green light to take Syria. But there’s plenty more acreage to be had in that part of the world.

Hegseth: Sure, like Iraq. That was the original plan there anyway before Barack Hussein Obama wimped out on it. But we can easily take it back.

Gabbard: We gave Syria to Israel? Why didn’t I know about that?

Rubio: That’s on a need-to-know basis, and you didn’t need to know. But now you know anyway.

Hegseth: Alright, who’s in?

SecEd McMahon: Well, my Department is being eliminated. Maybe I could be Secretary of Canada?

Rubio: I have some misgivings about this. But history is written by the winners, so I’m in.

VP Vance: I’m already in hot water at home. But I’m a thousand percent behind the President.

Waltz: I’m in. But who’s this Fritz guy on the chat?

Breaking News!!!

At a hastily scheduled ceremony on the White House lawn, President Biden unveiled what he said was a ‘flying saucer’, shocking the world with confirmation that we are not alone in the universe.

The silvery craft, which was displayed in front of the 35-foot tall Christmas Tree, was approximately 16 feet from end to end and was wrapped in a festive red bow.

The President stated, “I’m leaving this Christmas present for President-Elect Donald Trump. I’m not kidding. I’m sure he has a good explanation of where it came from and what the aliens have in mind for his administration. We shot this thing down over Bed…bed… his damn country club. Maybe Elon can figure out how to fly the damn thing and save some money on rocket fuel. He can fly it to Mars for all I care.”

The President left without taking questions. White House spokesman John Kirby said, “This thing is perfectly legal and posed no threat to the public. Nevertheless we decided to shoot it down and ask questions later, which I’m sure President-elect Trump will be happy to answer.”

The event, which left observers gasping, follows almost two months of drone sightings heavily reported in New Jersey and increasingly observed at sites across the nation and internationally.

Federal officials have been facing steadily intensifying criticism for their failure to identify the actors behind the drone sightings, including near military bases and Trump’s Bedminster Country Club.

President-elect Trump recently claimed that the Biden Administration knew who was behind the drones but was withholding the information from the public.

Jeremy Dicks, who has debunked many claims associated with so-called Unidentified Anomalous Phenomenon (UAP) said the object could be man-made and could be part of a government psy-op, or government scheme to deceive the public. “I don’t know what to believe any more,” he said.

Wilbur Blunt, a political science professor at Stanford University, said the move may be part of a strategy to distract the Trump Administration during its first days in office. “This is a Black Swan event like an atom bomb going off when Trump hasn’t even warmed up his Oval Office chair. This will be much more distracting than Russiagate ever was.”