Home Is Wherever You Hide.

a story of discomfort. just that.

“Where you dey go?”

The strongly accented pidgin of the okada man startled me back to reality. I jumped a little and then stamped my right foot on the ground, pretending to dislodge an errant insect whilst hiding my embarrassment.

“Don't worry, I no dey go. I dey wait for person.” I could barely recognize my voice.

I had been standing by the side of a nearly deserted road for over an hour, resplendent in my white and green garb that loudly announced my service to the fatherland. I was feeling very uncomfortable.

Seated some distance away was a group of young men. Some were inside a batcher and I could see them nodding to the radio as a male singer crooned beautifully in Hausa. Outside the wood and zinc contraption, my real problem stood in a group. About four pairs of eyes were regarding me closely and I wished I’d never let Funke pressure me into tightening the area of my pants below my butt.

“Just a little,” she had said. “Do you want to return as single as you are now?”

If her exaggerated pout didn’t convince me, the deliberate gesturing that put her ringed finger in front of the camera one —two —three times certainly did it.

The okada man considered me a moment longer like he was weighing my excuse, then he grunted and started his ignition. I suppose he had found my excuse worthy. As he sped away, I realized that his presence had made my situation a little more bearable.

The men were stealing glances, talking, and I continuously heard the word ‘corper.’ I was pretending not to look, but I noticed the light skinned teenager among them with beautiful facial features pointing at me. He couldn’t have been more than 17. His pointed nose reminded me of my brother’s and I frowned.

My father used to have a favorite saying, ‘A man is only as strong as his family.’

It was from a long time ago, when we still lived in the boys' quarters of Uncle Ugo’s house —all five of us— and hoped every other night that his oldest son, Emma, would bring us a deep ceramic bowl containing a portion of their dinner.

Those days, father would have replied ‘yes’ to anything his older brother said.

‘Okey, you are really stupid.’

‘Yes sir.’

We will sell your daughter to the highest bidder.

‘Yes sir.’

Those were the days before father landed the job at Chev-Co that got our family out of penury. I was 11, but I remember the day like it was yesterday. Father had come back singing loudly in the tenor that betrayed his orthodox roots, and mother had joined him, rejoicing even without knowing the reason for celebrating.

In the following years, I watched father dissociate completely from his immediate and extended family. He said it was for his peace of mind because family only takes from you and never gives back. I learned that position and power influence perception—the truth changes along with circumstance.

Prince mirrored my father's detachment from family and anybody that wasn't a member of our social class. It was the only similarity between them, since Prince’s looks came from our mother—luckily. He was four years older than me, so I'd found childhood frustrating. There was always a precedent set that I had to go up against; people would avoid me once they learned that we were siblings, presuming that I was stuck up too.

The week before I left for Maiduguri, we clashed over my friendship with Funke. I had attended her engagement party, and spent a few days with her family at Ikorodu; Prince described both as poor use of my time.

Funke and I met in our first year at the University of Lagos and have been inseparable since. Her boisterous personality complimented my quiet one; where she burned hot, I was cold. I liked loose clothes in muted colors that kept me hidden; Funke wore bright colors and bold jewelry that no one could miss.

Prince's theory was that my friendship with Funke kept me in her small world.

“You have built your network around her, and those acquaintances cannot serve you. Is this how you'll make your way in the world? Will you follow her around your whole life?”

I hadn't been able to argue with him. I had always been just that: a follower.

Even in secondary school, whenever I made a new friend, I tried to fit into their world to make our friendship easy for them. I would join their own clubs, pick their convenient times, and hang out at their favorite spots.

Now that I think about it, I might've also been trying to make it easy for me to leave. Everytime a friendship ended, I could step away from the mess and return to my own untouched world.

He was right, but I hated him for saying it like Funke’s world was worthless.

Headlights flashed down the corner and advanced towards me. I stuck out my hand and flagged down the Range Rover desperately. I was prepared to take my chances against whoever was in the vehicle, rather than stay out in the dark, assailed by stares of strange men.

Since my watch struck 8 p.m., I had become increasingly agitated. None of my acquaintances in camp had stayed to serve in Maiduguri. I don’t see why I had to either but my father had opposed a redeployment.

The number my father had asked me to call was ringing but nobody was picking. It was either Honourable Roy's son was unfeeling, or he'd died and gotten buried with his phone. I left about 50 missed calls already and a dozen different messages since 6 pm.

Father had warned seriously against keeping late nights in Maiduguri town or staying out in quiet areas, especially since I didn't speak the language. For some reason, I logged into Nairaland the night before and typed ‘NYSC in Maiduguri’ into my search box. A few accounts of terrorism and insecurity kept me wide-eyed and the few hours of sleep I got were riddled with nightmares.

The car stopped, bless Jesus, and the glass on the passenger side wound down to reveal an aging man in a Tangaran cap.

“Adaku?” His smile was bright and welcoming. “I'm Caleb's father. Sorry to have kept you waiting this long. Please get in.”

I sat quietly in the air-conditioned car for a few minutes. Honourable Roy must have noticed my tired demeanor because he drove in relative silence until we turned into a distinctly posh area. The Old GRA.

“Caleb is passed out and that's why he missed your calls. I only noticed about an hour ago when I came in to check on him.”

“I wasn’t sure — you know how you young people lock your phones. But when I saw the name, I remembered that your father said his first daughter was coming today!”

His eyes were smiling again, but they weren't staying on my face. Tracing his gaze, I realized my khaki pants had my thighs in a tight embrace, and my arms tensed in embarrassment. I refused to show that he was making me uncomfortable, so I kept my hands glued to my sides and met his eyes.

“Yes, he said I'll stay here with you for a bit. I'll move as soon as I find suitable accommodations. I do not want to impose.”

“Oh, it's no trouble. Your father and I, we go way back…”

We drove through a blue gate into a beautiful compound whose floral scaping alone spoke of affluence. He parked the car and continued.

“...back then, Okey and I were inseparable.” He laughed. “Your old man was a player, always chasing after beautiful girls that he couldn't afford.”

His right hand left the steering wheel and found its way to my thigh. He squeezed once.

“...like you.”

The living room was dark when I stepped in, but my eyes adjusted nicely to the dim lighting. I looked around, taking in the plain yellow walls and the faint cobwebs clinging to the white ceiling. Apart from the plastic chairs and wide desk arranged office style, the only decor in the room was a big wall unit that housed an old flat-screen TV, DVD, and lots of picture frames on the lower shelves.

There were also a few old calendars hanging from the walls at intervals. I tried to be discreet as I scanned the dates on each calendar. ‘20, ‘21, ‘22—

“Hello? Adaku, you seem distracted.”

“No, no. Please continue. I was admiring the design on the calendars.”

The lady seated across from me, Rahila, rested her elbows on the desk again, pushed up her glasses, and resumed reading the guidelines in her book.

“...you can't wear trousers in the family house. No dating in the house. You get two meals a day—feel free to buy more if you need. You can't play loud worldly music. You must be back before the 7:30 p.m. curfew. You must attend devotions and fellowship at the chapel. You must…”

Rahila was reading in a robotic tone; I suspect she was just as bored of the process as I was.

I drifted off again.

It had been three days since I arrived in Maiduguri. Caleb was very different from the boy I'd met in my early teens; he was always drunk and had barely sat through one conversation with me. I spent three evenings trying to avoid his father's overly friendly hands, and I'd had it.

I found my way to the family house for Christian corpers, hoping to set up camp there until my agent found appropriate accommodations close to my PPA. It was a quiet and homely place, but I had a hard time with rules.

Too many rules.

As the lady kept talking in her singsong voice, a cold and empty feeling settled low in my belly. Loneliness.

I missed Funke, her loud voice, and her room which smelled of incense sticks. She would’ve known what to do.

I could've hidden somewhere in her shadow.

Note: I stumbled on this short story I wrote a long time ago and decided to share it. I edited some parts of it, but still I cannot decide whether I like it or not. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations 😂

Might be the age. Might be the wine. Still, cheers to reflection and choosing self.

Are we living?

It was July the 26th, and I was sprawled out on my best friend's couch.

No, this is not a tale of homelessness.

I was merely laying on her couch, thinking of how much work I needed to get through before the 31st. My WhatsApp was buzzing with messages from friends and family, wishing me a happy birthday. I would smile when a new notification popped up on the screen, blocking out some of the information I was scrolling through.

‘Your presence has become more like my menstrual cycle these days: irregular. But the friendship is steadfast.

Happy birthday my baby. I too love you.’

My friends have such a fun way with words, it’s no wonder I’m a little in love with them.

At 7am, I received an email which I had written to myself months before and scheduled for my birthday. It was simple, because I had written it at a time when I didn’t think I had anything going that I really wanted. I’d just thrown it together, asking myself questions. A dozen paragraphs. 10 questions.

‘Hey, future self. Are we living?’

The year I turned 18, I made myself a promise. I would make choices that I thought were good for me and choose the life I wanted.

The one condition I gave myself was that I would be aware of what possible cons my choices posed, and the minute they outweighed the pros, I would let myself choose differently. It was a promise that demanded I love myself, stay loyal to my well-being, and protect my spirit. I owed no loyalty to my choices from yesterday; I had nothing to prove to society; I could evolve at will.

I broke that promise to myself last year. I saw harm and because it was familiar, I walked towards it. I laughed in its face and flirted with it. I tested the ‘dullness’ of its edges, and in so doing, I brought myself to a place of war that I had long exited.

I had been so angry at myself for undoing such precious work — for turning my life on its head with my own hands.

After I read my email in its entirety, I cried. I wept for the girl I had been when I wrote it, the girl I had been last year, and the girl — nay, woman — I am now. I have come a long way.

And, yes. I have lost ‘that’ anger.

I am my Princess; I am my Priest

I'm 25, introverted, dissociative, and a toxic empath. No surprises there.

When you grow up as a talented and conventionally beautiful teenage girl, you learn what it means to be under pressure. My talents in writing, crafts, childcare, studying, drawing beautiful mermaids, and fixing the odd Tiger generator also meant extra expectations.

With great power, comes great responsibility.

From family to church, there was usually somebody who needed me for something, and I often had no say in the matter. To do or not to do? That was never the question.

What? When? Where?

Okay.

Those were all the questions I could get in at the time. But this lasted only until I discovered the universe’s gift of personal agency.

From then, I developed a capacity to choose myself that has kept me sane. I like my own space. I like quiet. I had to fight to have both.

I chose myself above men. I learned to choose myself above family when compromise was no longer an option. I chose myself too when the church said I couldn’t have both.

Has it come with consequences? Like mad.

Still, what price is too high to pay for my peace. My being.

The world does not just throw me a ‘copy that’ when I choose myself. As a woman, I’ve had to fight for the right and agency to make my choices. I’ve had to prove that I mean what I say and I’m not just some ‘stubborn girl’ who draws boundaries for the thrill of the chase. I do not play at difference because I seek attention. I needed to be heard, so I found my anger.

I am a woman of few words. No.

‘NO’

Even then, if I had to say it twice, it was one too many times. When I felt unheard or disrespected, I let myself get angry. By the time I was in my late teens, my anger had become my friend. I sought her out when occasion called for it. I got comfortable with her and the disapproval she evoked.

I set ultimatums. I raised my voice. I threatened. I cussed. I pulled a knife. I typed a paragraph and sent it. I built a reputation at home, school, and even at church.

She too dey vex.

Na so she go dey laugh, but no follow am play rough play o.

I learned early that I could choose myself, so I did. Every time.

Nobody else was going to do it for me.

You think you are now a grown woman

Yes. I am now.

I’d like to see anyone make a case against my fully formed prefrontal cortex.

The first time I had these words directed at me, I was 18. I had written a two-page letter to my mom in confidence. I wanted to tell her things that I couldn’t in conversation — because she was always stealing the words from between my lips. I tried to get her to trust me. To see that I didn’t do things just because. I put myself through grueling sessions of thought before I made decisions.

The opinions and convictions I cling very strongly to now, I took my time adopting them. I asked questions. Made research. Empathised. Experienced. Observed. Engaged. I wanted her to know that it was too late for me to unlearn agency — I was ruined — I couldn’t live any other way.

I had to live as myself or I would wilt away into nothing. No one.

It backfired.

She would later read that letter out, aloud, to my siblings. Some parts of it even made it to church sermons. I had said a lot of things, but the only thing she had heard was, 'I'm 18 now. Leave me alone.'

I’m not a person who’s great at expressing my emotions — with the exception of anger. I would mask often when I’m hurt or unhappy to avoid conflict. I would write to myself to get over things. Writing that letter to my mom was an act of vulnerability. I’ve never gotten over the way it was received.

Years later, at 22, she would walk into my room in the middle of a heated argument and say, "The problem is that you don't tell me anything. You just do things on your own."

Angrily, I responded, "Because I know that you would not even keep what I share with you confidential. I trusted you once; never again."

It ended the argument.

Last month, I overheard her conversation with a woman who had come to get some advice concerning her teenage son. I do not know what it was about, but I heard something that warmed my heart.

“He’s trying to trust you. Counsel him. Punish him if you must, but let it stay between you two.”

"Sometimes, we do things as parents without thinking, but our kids never forget these things. If you expose them to shame and ridicule, especially in their teenage years where they’ve become concerned about their image, they never forget it. Years later, they may bring it up and tell you 'Remember so so thing you did to me? I have never forgotten it."

Hearing her say those words healed me a little. She had learned.

It hurt a little less.

A human being — not doing

Today, at 25, I'm still choosing me.

It's a bit different now, because I've learned that it's not always a choice between me and others. Sometimes, it's a choice between me and myself. A choice where I lose, either way.

In these situations, I've often chosen the lesser of two evils. I want to learn to also walk away from situations where I lose, either way. To rid myself of the mental responsibility towards fixing or resolving everything. To learn to just leave.

Learning to remove myself from situations that drain me. To just be rather than obsess over doing, deciding, choosing, handling —

What would that feel like, I wonder?

We’ll see.

🧚🏽‍♀️

Film: Imagine Me & You. Year: 2005. Genre: Rom-com. Rating: 7/10 Director: Ol Parker.

“Tell me about the lily.”

It’s a cold night in North London; the streets are empty save for two young women who have just been dancing their hearts out to Kelly Marie at a DDR arcade. They are walking with their arms crossed, cocooned in the warmth of woolen sweaters, laughter, and intimate conversation.

The woman in a red scarf stalls at first, hesitant to share what she knows of this flower. But when her companion asks again, she folds.

“The lily means, ‘I dare you to love me’.”

Girl, please. For the love of God…

Last month, I was scrolling through old movie recommendations on TikTok when I found Imagine Me & You. It’s a 2005 film starring Lena Headey (GOT’s very own bad girl, Cersei), and Piper Perabo —who looks uncannily like the mother of dragons.

A Lena Headey sapphic romance? I was sold instantly!

Piper’s resemblance to Emilia Clarke is so great that I suspected the casting was intentional. I soon learned that I was wrong; it was filmed way before GOT’s cast was put together. Just another peculiar coincidence that the universe orchestrates to get our knickers in a twist.

Written and directed by Ol Parker, the movie is a serio-comic romance between Luce and Rachel, two women in different stages of self-discovery. While Luce (played by Lena Headey) is an out-and-proud lesbian optimistic about the changing laws and the possibility of marrying a woman she loves, Rachel (Piper Perabo) is a newlywed ‘straight’ woman who looks to have lived a placid and predictable life up until that point.

The tumult-ing

The film’s great tribulation is that Rachel was married to her best friend, Hector (a nice guy type whom she loved as well as one can love their closest friend), and Luce had been the florist at their wedding. I like how it opens up with a wedding preparation scene; there’s a flurry of activities, so I felt like I had gotten right into the thick of things. I couldn’t back out if I wanted to.

The romance between both women was one of those that sneaks up on and knocks the wind out of you.

From their first interaction at Rachel’s wedding reception, I could tell that they’d have great chemistry. Rachel looked every bit the troubled bride whose (ill-fitting) ring had fallen into a big bowl of punch. In retrospect, that was probably a sign from the universe that she did not fit into the life she was trying to live.

Or was it the life which did not fit around her?

‘Barbie-heterosexual-Rachel’ (as Luce’s friend described her) was not even aware that she liked women. A woman. Luce.

All my favorite things

As the plot unravels, I’m struck by the fluidity of each character. There’s a certain malleable quality to their assertions and intents. It’s one thing now, and the next moment, it’s another. For want of a better word to describe this quality, I’ll use ‘empathy.’

The characters demonstrated levels of empathy that are almost idealistic.

It wasn’t in the cringe way where everyone sets their differences aside to hold hands and sing kumbaya (I’m thinking, Love Actually). Rather, the empathy in IM&Y was mostly depicted as a sort of sad (quick, with barely any struggle) acceptance. An acknowledgement of differences, loss, and inevitable change that most people are too egotistic or cowardly to offer.

I am no better than most people.

I saw it in the way Hector’s best friend, Coop (a certified over-the-top playboy), slid into an easy friendship with Luce — after trying and failing to get her to discover his sexual prowess. I saw it in the way Rachel’s little sister, H, comforted Heck after he made the excruciating decision to let go of Rachel.

Hector: (Voice breaking) I’m trying to do the right thing, and now I think I should have not. ‘Cause if she’d stayed with me out of guilt, that would’ve been fine, wouldn’t it?

H: My Math teacher, Mrs O’Casey, has something she always says when people are sad. She says, ‘No problem is insoluble, given a big enough plastic bag.’

I sat with all of it for a while, trying to adjust to the picture of a world where people weren’t dogged in their desire to control the narratives around them. I failed. There was something a little too easy about the film’s flow from conflict to resigned resolution. A little too unnatural. However, it made for a happy ending, so I forgave it.

From Blue is the Warmest Color to Carol, and Disobedience, sapphic romances do not get enough happy endings. So, this film provided me a break from the tragedies and bittersweet reunions.

One thing I did not forgive, however, was how inconsequential Cooper turned out to be in the film. The posters suggest that he’s a leading character entangled in an equally messy romance, but he’s just a man who talks dirty and lies for a living. Spicy.

Favorite pair

There were several interesting relationship dynamics shown in the film. We had Rachel's parents, Ned and Tessa, whose troubled relationship kept me on my toes every second they shared screen time.

There was Hector and Coop, navigating their friendship under the harsh influence of a work culture that weighed heavily on Hector’s good-guy conscience, and there was Luce and her mom — my favorites.

While Luce’s character is confident and mostly decisive, her mother (Beth) is a blend of sweet and sarcastic. Their interactions provide insight into geriatric depression, and what social challenges it can present to older folk.

Favorite character

My favorite character was easily H, ‘Henrietta,’ played by Boo Jackson. Her philosophical and inquisitive nature endeared her to me in an instant. There was that one scene where she tells Luce that it’s okay to want to spend the rest of her life with a girl. She, too, would choose her best friend, Natalie Curtis, over some boring boy.

As she runs off with her friends, she turns again to Luce and says with childlike innocence, “It doesn’t mean that you’re a lesbian or anything.”

Cracked me up proper.

Favorite scenes

Faced with the reality of their feelings for each other and what it meant, both women decide to quit while they're ahead. It's an emotional scene (but I laughed a little and I'm not sorry about it); Luce runs after Rachel who has been spooked by Hector's admitting his fear of losing her at the flower shop.

Luce catches up to her and they have a sad little ‘lets-not-do-this’ conversation that ends with two lines of poetry.

Luce: Don’t forget me.

Rachel: I won’t remember anything else.

Do I not love enough?

I keep going back to the office scene with Rachel and her two coworkers. She reads aloud to them, an excerpt from a scientist's tribute to her husband. The couple had eloped together on the day they met and spent 42 years married to each other since.

Rachel: (reading aloud) …when asked how they could possibly have known it will work out, professor Harrison replied in true scientific fashion, ‘You don’t know. You can never be sure. But you take the plunge anyway. Sure is for people who do not love enough.’

Now, professor, you know plunging is also for people who are trained professionals.

While some people might think it bold and romantic, I think it wildly impulsive; I am distrustful of a love that knows without discovering. I don’t expect that I can be 100% sure, but, by God, I want to come close.

I think the people who ‘love enough’ to take wild plunges and come out unscathed are just lucky. Rachel thought so too. While the movie depicts the ending (where both women —in true romcom style— get reunited in traffic) as some wild plunge, I see it differently.

Rachel had done quite some work to make certain of her feelings for Luce. She also had to get freed of her guilt towards Heck and receive support from her family. If this isn’t sure, I don’t know what is.

Summary

Is this review about 19 years too late? Not for the girls at war with comphet.

I was little more than a toddler when Imagine Me & You made its theater debut, but I’m all caught up now and its different themes are relevant to the society I live in.

If you’re into the thrill of forbidden romances; you love classical music or geeky flower talk; and you like to keep things a tad delusional, Imagine Me & You is a great watch for a quiet evening.

Love and lilies, if you dare.

‘Sure’ Is For People Who Do Not Love Enough — Just Elope was originally published in Story Lamp Reviews on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Two days ago I saw a tweet that read, “What was the loudest lesson for you in 2023?”

I had a screenshot of the tweet ready and was going to share it on my WhatsApp status with my answer. The plan was pretty clear until I got to the part where I had to choose which lesson was ringing loudest in my head.

Boy, did I learn a lot of lessons this year!

I sat with my thoughts for a few minutes and finally decided that my biggest lesson was ‘REST.’ Good old timeout from work responsibilities, worries, and just about anything else that takes up a lot of your time.

Then again, I also meant ‘REST’ in the way 20-something-year-old Nigerians say it when we find your current business dull and unimaginative. We say it with a disapproving scowl because we cannot quite believe that we’re having to tell you to ‘wrap that shit up.’

You’re miserable and it’s not a good look on you, but like Duncan Lawrence in Arcade, you seem addicted to a losing game.

So, just stop. Stop already.

the beginning

In November of 2022, I spent a good 90 minutes (this might be an exaggeration, but it sure felt like it) pushing through the lengthy application process for a Software Engineering training course on ALX. In December, I received my acceptance mail with no small joy.

In my excitement, I challenged my proven inability to multitask, swearing by all the old and new gods that I would see the 12-month program through. It was going to be one of those I-broke-into-my-dream-career stories that sound a little too good to be true and leave even the saintliest of souls feeling a little envious.

I was going to lose nothing to this pursuit and gain everything.

Fast forward to today. The date is 31st December, 2023 — and it’s been eight months since I dropped the program.

Lord have mercy, that entire affair drained me.

unrest

Have you ever had to deal with chronic headaches that seem to echo your heartbeat every second you're awake?

I have.

It feels like somebody slid half a dozen rubber bands over your temple and just let them slowly taughten, digging into and muddling up your thoughts.

The first four months of the year were hellish; I was juggling two demanding content roles along with the ALX SE program, which is not popular for its flexible expectations.

The life I lived those four long months feels like a different lifetime today.

I was so overworked; my diet was shot to pieces, I put on more weight than I was happy about, and my skin was in such a terrible state that seeing my reflection drove me to tears. I’d developed insomnia because I was staying up nights to do my course projects or catch up on work, so I was constantly self-medicating to get some sleep. I was stretched so thin that the quality of my work was not spared.

It felt like my body was falling apart.

Fall-Apart Rabbit in Disney’s Bonkers comes to mind. But unlike the good-natured bunny, I couldn’t put myself back together at will.

Whenever a new part fell off, it stayed that way. No matter what I did.

letting go

April was when I accepted that I had let go of something. I had put one of my work contracts on hold, but it hadn’t given me enough time to destress. I got in some more rest, but the burnout still clung to me like a second skin.

Letting go of my main role was definitely out of the question. First, I belonged to a team that I loved working with, and (for freelancers) such spaces are few and far between. Also, every young person from a low or middle-income household understands the obligation to choose job security over the pursuit of personal dreams.

After April’s projects were rounded off on ALX, I sent in my request for a deferment. I would later extend the deferment by another three months before I dropped the program altogether.

In the month following the first deferment, my recovery was near instantaneous. My mental and physical health took a complete 360° turn, so it was impossible to regret my decision.

I found time to practice self-care, heal, and deliver my best work at Pointer Clicker.

what then?

In the grand scheme of things, great skin may not pay the bills or give me insight into blocks of code, but…

Here’s how quitting and resting accelerated the second half of my year.

• I was able to pursue and secure a short-term contract with a copywriting agency that I’d had my eye on for some time.
• I did work I’m proud of for a leading EdTech company in the UK.
• I started lazily taking a course in video scripting—an interest I’ve pursued and dumped more times than Shane dumped her love interests in The L Word.
• I hit my goal in savings early, which was great because the second half of the year was a lesson in survival.
• I did not lose all the weight, but I’m starting to like it here. I can now self-soothe with my palms full (the girlies that get it get it), and my sister has had to give up wearing my clothes.

what now?

So, my journey into the aspects of tech that interest me will take longer than I hoped. But, I have no regrets.

I would choose a long, happy journey over a short and miserable one that costs me my sanity.

Some people can juggle multiple projects, multi-task, and learn a tech skill in 72 hours. While I am in awe of them, it’s okay to belong to my slow-and-steady group, where we have to do one thing at a time. It’s okay for your journey to take longer if it lets you be happier.

I held onto this lesson throughout the second half of the year. I shed anything that proved too much, too fast, or too hard—making sure that I was as considerate of my mind as I was of my body.

This lesson in quitting applies to more than just career paths. I found use for it in dating, friendship, and decision-making processes.

To quote a slogan from Helen’s Blog, “Time, rest, breathe.”

Don’t always do. Sometimes, allow yourself to just be.

there’s more

I learned a couple of other lessons in 2023, which I’d like to share. So, here’s a list that you might find helpful:

• Be consistent with the few commitments you choose to keep.
• Don't compare yourself to others.
• Aim to be better at something today than you were yesterday.
• Add honey to your porridge (oatmeal, yam, and potato); it’s a game-changer.
• Wear those clothes, bestie. You will outgrow them.

Until next time, all my love.

You’re a small business looking to build a mobile app for your business and tap into the mobile craze, but you need help figuring out where to start. Every mobile app development tool you come across is either:

• Too expensive
• Not enough to bring your ideas to life
• Or just too complicated for your beginner-level developer skills

Don’t tap out.

Since 85% of Americans own smart mobile devices, it is necessary to establish a mobile platform for customers to interact with your business’s products and services. This means you must build apps that run on multiple operating systems [i.e., android and iOS]. You’ll have to look for mobile app development software that is both beginner-friendly and able to develop cross-platform software.

I’ll review the five best mobile app development tools for all platforms; learn everything from their functionality, pros, and cons to pricing.

However, at this point, you’re wondering if you can build an app without experience and coding knowledge. First, let’s lay that concern to rest.

Can I Build an App With No Experience?

Are you feeling like an impostor? Well, dont!

You can build an app for your business with no prior knowledge of coding. You can; I can, and I’m pretty sure old Rob down the street can, too.

You only need basic computer skills, an efficient open-source mobile app development tool, and loads of patience.

For an entrepreneur with no coding abilities, three main factors contribute to the difficulty in building a competitive mobile app in today’s market: the cost of development, lack of experience, and the inability to secure the right development team. — Mike Sims

You’ll have to find an app builder that defeats these obstacles. Your ideal mobile app development tool will be free [or moderately priced], user-friendly, and open-source. Check these boxes, and you’ll only have to navigate the platform, add your desired features [usually via drag-and-drop systems], and customize an app that fits your business’s branding.

You are a team of one, so you have to embody specific skills essential for the ‘pre’ and ‘post’ app development phases. The skills you need to make an app include: business analysis, idea creation, sketching, and design.

After picturing what you’d like your app to look like, it helps to sketch a representation of your ideas on paper and add design elements such as brand colors and fonts. Now, you’re ready to choose the best mobile app development software for your app.

Top 5 Mobile App Development Tools

A report from Statista showed that in 2021, 92.5% of Android users spent their internet time on mobile apps. The question is: how do you ensure that your mobile app is one of those that users engage with?

The myriad of open-source mobile app development tools available to beginners can be staggering, so we have narrowed down the options, considering the current trends in app development and user expectations.

The rich and interactive experiences we have come to expect on mobile apps have created new standards and expectations for all digital media, including the web. — David Murphy, Editor at Mobile Marketing Magazine,

Mobile app users have come to expect a fulfilling experience, and the mobile app development software below can help you fulfill those expectations.

1. Buildfire

The Buildfire app development platform helps small to medium businesses build cross-platform mobile apps that promote their brand. It is a high-performance app builder that offers fast and easy app development using a drag-and-drop function.

Buildfire allows developers unlimited customization options with JavaScript (on its development portal buildfire.js) and many pre-existing templates.

The open-source platform is arguably one of the best tools for mobile app development in 2022; it does not require coding knowledge and takes off the bulk of the workload associated with developing mobile apps.

One of the best features of buildfire is its range (45+) of plugins for media display, messaging, forms, performance tracking, YouTube, eCommerce, and other features that are relevant to mobile apps today. These plugins ensure that users do not have to leave the app to access certain services.

The existing templates and features on the platform meet most of the requirements for standard business mobile apps. However, Buildfire also provides an SDK to allow developers to reexamine and customize existing functionalities to make their apps unique.

Pros

• Builds intricate mobile apps and is the best alternative to custom mobile app development
• Supports easy app maintenance through intuitive user dashboards
• It gives developers complete control over app UI
• It boasts a wide array of tools and great UX
• Supports cross-platform mobile apps
• Open-source code
• Great customer support

Cons

• The Buildfire editor interface can be complicated at the start
• There are limited free plugins
• The paid plans are relatively expensive

Pricing:

The platform is free to use during the app development stage. However, you must subscribe to a paid plan to publish your app. The subscription covers updates, hosting, app store submission, data storage, and other essential services.

2. AppMaster

This is another platform where you do not need coding knowledge. You can conveniently build web and native mobile apps using AppMaster’s drag-and-drop function.

While most app builders focus on the frontend, AppMaster’s capacity for customized branding allows you also to create an AI-generated backend. The app-building process is quick and easy; you can auto-generate pages with ready-made components.

AppMaster will enable you to connect your app with various plugins like Zoom, email, Slack, etc. the platform also provides help guides to make the app-building process easier for new users.

Pros

• It is open-source and supports data migration.
• Easily connect your mobile app to third-party apps.
• Excellent customer support teams
• Affordable subscriptions for the paid version
• Supports app scaling

Cons

• The platform can use more UI flexibility for mobile and web interfaces.
• Some features are undocumented and can cause some confusion for users.
• The app template library is limited — there are not enough ready-made apps.

Pricing:

AppMaster has a free version with limited functionality, requiring developers to recreate projects every two weeks. The paid versions range from $5 to $955 monthly.

3. Flutter

Flutter is Google’s tool for building cross-platform apps from a single code base. It is open-source and available to developers free of charge.

Some of Flutter’s unique features include an easy-to-use framework, ultra-modern UI, and a rich array of open-source packages. Source code is written in Dart language and can be shared across platforms to save developer time.

Flutter also employs Pub — a packet manager with reusable libraries — and supports multiple plugins for improved app functionality.

Dart is a client-optimized language for developing fast apps on any platform. Its goal is to offer the most productive programming language for multi-platform development, paired with a flexible execution runtime platform for app frameworks.

According to a 2021 report by Statista, Flutter is the most popular cross-platform app development tool. In 2021 alone, 42% of developers used it to execute projects.

Pros

• No performance bugs
• Supports hot reload function for viewing changes in real-time
• Flutter apps perform similarly to native apps.
• The UI of flutter apps looks similar across different platforms
• Good collection of UI components

Cons

• Requires some knowledge of coding
• Limited plugin library
• The Dart language is not very developed and has limited use outside of Flutter.
• There’s not enough community support — probably because it is a relatively new technology.
• Large app sizes
• Flawed iOS support

Pricing:

Flutter is 100% free. However, developers may have to purchase specific IDES, tools, and integrations.

4. Xamarin

Xamarin is a cross-platform open-source mobile app developer. It is backed by Microsoft and uses a user-friendly C# code base, making app building very easy.

This platform uses standard UI controls, offers SDK, and allows you to create apps using .NET languages that developers can update to fit different mobile operating systems.

Due to Xamarin’s open-source nature, developers can share codes on multiple platforms. It has a well-equipped components store for UI controls, libraries, and third-party web services.

The platform works with Microsoft Azure to store and protect user data. Xamarin’s API is optimized to improve app performance; developers can customize more platform-specific designs using xamarin.ios and xamarin.android.

Pros

• Few bugs and a faster launch time
• Apps exhibit great performance metrics
• Active community support
• Has a ‘hot reload’ feature that allows you to see changes to source code in real-time Supports multi-platform code sharing

Cons

• Slow updates after Xamarin’s team introduces new platform features
• Large app size due to cross-platform function
• Visual differences between platforms
• You may need to customize the codebase for each platform — this means more work for developers.

Pricing:

The Xamarin platform is free during the coding and framework design stages. However, it would be best if you had a subscription plan to publish scalable commercial apps.

5. Android Studio

You didn’t see this one coming, but how can I leave it out?

Android Studio is one of the best open-source mobile development tools for Android apps. It is an easy-to-use IDE that saves time and resources.

As the official Android IDE, Android Studio provides excellent community support for beginners.

This platform boasts an excellent array of tools, templates, and plugins for app design. It has a great UI, and you can use the drag-and-drop function to simplify the building process.

You can use Android Studio without any coding skills. It works with the Gradle plugin to sync project files.

Pros

• Handy debugging features
• Highly scalable apps
• Apps have more functionality than cross-platform apps.
• No knowledge of coding needed

Cons

• It takes up a lot of RAM
• The platform is prone to freezing.
• Limited to building Android apps only

Pricing:

Android Studio is a free mobile app development tool. However, after building an app, you have to pay a one-time registration fee of $25 to upload apps to the Google Play Store.

6 Factors to Look Out For Before Choosing a Mobile App Development Tool

• Ease of use
• Availability of free trial runs
• Cost of subscription plans
• Platform longevity and long-term cost for lifetime app maintenance
• Required skill set
• Type of apps you want to build — web, mobile, or hybrid?
• Scalability

Summary

You can build an app for your business if you don’t have the budget for a native app developer. Identify the app best suits your vision and skill set, then jump right in.

Think of any process in construction, and I assure you, there’s already software designed to make that task easier. These software packages provide data security, efficiency, accountability, and increased productivity.

The many construction management software in the market range from comprehensive all-in-one software to point solutions that accomplish only a single function.

If you’re new to the industry or trying to implement changes in your standard business process, you’ll need to decide the software (for project management or other processes) that works best for your team.

The first step is to evaluate your existing site management systems. How do they interact? What additional features would you like the new software to have?

I’ve made a list of critical factors to look out for that will make your software selection process as seamless as possible.

1. Versatility

It is only fitting that this factor ranks first on our list. Why?

Imagine you set out to find software peculiar to a particular function, but in the process, you discover one that takes care of that function and other related functions.

For instance, you want takeoff software to organize and catalog your pre-construction process: this software helps document pricing, measurements, plan overlays, and summary reports.

Construction takeoff software is intended to streamline the production process for material takeoffs and is built from the ground up to help the user accomplish this goal.

What if you find a software tool that not only operates the takeoff function but also serves as accurate estimating software? This software would also manage your construction project proposals and bidding process. It’s the proverbial two-birds-one-shot thanksgiving dinner.

An excellent example of versatile construction takeoff software is Stack. With its excellent user reviews and wide range of services, it has become one of the fastest-growing businesses in the US.

With a 113% 2-year growth rate, STACK continues to positively impact the construction technology market and help users to drive business growth.

2. Functionality

When considering a software package, you must ask yourself, “How specific and detail oriented is this software?”

Look out for the features the software has to offer. You should find functions and options you did not even realize you needed. The software should go the extra mile and still be very comprehensive.

For instance, when you go through the templates of a Construction Risk Management Software, the questions to facilitate data collection should be thorough and cover all bases. If this is not the case, it’s a sign that that particular software is not for you.

3. Accessibility

An ideal software is one that you can access from any location and runs on multiple device platforms. Software tools that require an internet connection might not function well on remote sites.

Procore is a popular construction management software because it has a mobile app version that allows easy on-site data updates. Although it is a top performer, Stack does not offer this.

You may want software that can help you track time for on-site workers and monitor remote workers. In this case, it is best to use a software application like Time Doctor that works offline to allow access even without an internet connection.

Time Doctor captures real-time information that it later syncs and uploads to the central server. It also has a mobile app version for Android and iOS devices.

If you’re working on a project with many stakeholders that need to be kept up to speed, cloud-based software packages are ideal. They back data to the cloud so stakeholders can access it anytime.

Before you purchase a software package, know where and how it functions. This way, you’ll be able to pick one specific to your needs.

4. User-Friendliness

While your software may possess some complexity — depending on the task it is designed to execute — it should still be easy to grasp, understand and use.

User-friendliness is essential because it is expected that the software will be used by different people with different levels of understanding. After general training, the crew should find it easy to adopt and integrate the new software into their activities.

You would also want software whose editing functionality is top-notch. One that will easily allow users to:

• Set up and track budget execution
• Organize scheduling
• Map out milestones
• Delegate project objectives
• Generate reports
• Support import and export of drafts
• Enable easy sharing of important documents

These features are essential because you may need them at any stage of the construction project life cycle.

Software packages can have user-friendly features but be tough to navigate. An example is the ClickUp project management software. While it has many advantages, users often complain about the platform’s intimidating UI.

5. Security

Your data should be well protected. Look out for software designed to safeguard information.

Your ideal software would not allow unsanctioned changes to project information. How? Well, the best project management software should come with features like:

• Permission levels
• Granting access to specific users at different sections of the software
• Making it easy to share plans with stakeholders
• Granting access but not control to collaborators

It should also have its own fool-proof storage drive. This way, you can monitor where your data is stored and mitigate the risks of storing data elsewhere.

6. Integrational

A software tool that offers more than one point solution is a great idea. However, it should also allow seamless integrations with other construction tools or applications.

The hesitation to implement new software can result from additional factors, but perhaps no obstacle is more significant than the lack of an easy way to integrate it with other systems. — Mike Richer, Product Marketing Manager at Bridgit

Your new software should be able to sync with existing systems and tools. It must provide an easy data migration process and legacy software integration.

Getting a software package without the proper integration tools will create more work. You would have to start afresh with everything; abandon previous software packages, tools, and applications simply because you can’t merge them.

The ideal all-in-one construction software should facilitate customizations and integrations. Instead of trying to replicate a particular function halfheartedly, it should support easy integration with vendors who are experts in that function.

7. Cost

When it comes to construction management software, there’s a variety of pricing options available.

In the past, most software packages were run on licensing agreements, requiring hefty upfront payments. That is no longer the norm; cloud-based software now offers subscription packages based on the number of users and duration of use.

Look out for software solutions that offer a variety of functions at a relatively fair price to get value for your money. Regardless, be ready to pay for software solutions because the more they can do, the more expensive they will be.

Be wary of software solutions offering various packages at a giveaway price. Chances are they are neither comprehensive nor efficient. Most construction software tools have free and paid versions. The free versions offer limited functionality, while paid versions give users access to a broader range of services.

Conclusion

The construction sphere is evolving, and construction planning software is a massive part of that evolution. Construction software allows a construction business to set project timelines and budgets, providing owners and managers with an easy means of monitoring operations and logistics.

While searching for the best construction software for your team, remember to look out for those that come with regular updates and follow current trends.