In my 28 years of life, I’ve been lucky not to have to go through a romantic heartbreak. But over the last couple of years, I’ve been going through a different type of heartbreak — the heartbreak of losing a best friend.

And even though I can’t compare the two, it feels like this heartbreak is worse because it feels like no one can relate to me. This is not a friend that I’ve known for a few years; this is a friend I’ve known my whole life. In fact, I don’t remember a time when I didn’t know her. She was like a sister to me, so losing that has been extremely hard to wrap my head around.

The last time I saw and truly spoke to this friend was at my wedding in October 2021, and unfortunately, since then, we haven’t had a relationship; the part that hurts the most is I don’t know why.

I’ve tried to reach out a couple of times to show that I miss her and tell her I hope she’s doing ok, and it hasn’t seemed like she’s felt the same. The hardest part is that my family is still close to her, so I have to hear from them about how she’s doing instead of hearing firsthand like I used to.

I wish I knew if there was something I did or if it’s just our almost 25 years of being friends has naturally come to an end. Part of me is afraid to ask because while I’ve lived the last couple of years without this relationship, I don’t think I’m fully ready to mourn it and say goodbye.

From my perspective, we had a blast at my wedding. She was my maid of honor and gave a heartwarming speech about our friendship. She even gave me my “something borrowed". When we were young we got necklaces that said “Best” and “Friends" and bracelets that said “Friends” and “Forever". When we wore them together it would say Best Friends, Friends Forever. I’m not sure what happened to my half of the jewelry but before I walked down the aisle she gave me her half of the bracelet (the half that said forever) to wear. I couldn’t believe she still had that and I remember feeling like that was the perfect item to be borrowed. Unfortunately I’ve never been able to give it back.

Over the last two years, I’ve cried countless times over this friendship. From being angry that she doesn’t want to talk to me to upset that she feels like she can’t open up to me, to annoyed feeling like it’s easy for her to move on, to sad thinking about all the great memories we’ve shared and how we may never make new ones.

The other day was my birthday and it was the first time since being friends I didn’t hear from her. Our birthdays are six months apart, and we used to wish each other “Happy Birthday” and “Happy Half Birthday” every year on each other’s birthday. When we were children we thought this meant we were half-sisters and it was one of the reasons we initially got super close. The fact that this tradition of ours is over hurts the most because it feels like this is when I need to accept that maybe the friendship is finally done even though I don’t want to. And that’s why I’m finally writing all this because it’s been plaguing me for years, and I think I have to accept it’s time to let go.

I will always have a shred of hope that we can have some relationship again, but if not and if my friend ever reads this, I hope she knows I will always love her and care for her and I will always miss her.

Best Friends, Friends Forever was originally published in This Is Adulting on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Planning a wedding, while stressful, can also be super exciting and fun. From picking out the perfect dress to finding the right location, the experiences you get from getting married are truly ones to remember. Unfortunately, this year halted that for many brides and grooms (myself included) due to the coronavirus pandemic. As a covid bride, this year has been beyond hard. Already feeling lonely and depressed from the isolation at the beginning of the year was magnified because I was unsure what I would be doing about my wedding. As the months went on and the pandemic got even worse, I knew my dream October wedding was not going to come true.

Eventually, my now husband and I decided to postpone our wedding event but still get married in a small backyard wedding the same weekend. Looking back on the year and all the ups and downs we had with figuring out our wedding plans, I thought it’d be nice to share some things that help me get through being a covid bride for all my current covid brides who are still going through this craziness.

Find a Community Through Wedding Forums

When I wasn’t sure what decision to make regarding my wedding, I sought other bride’s advice. I spent many of the early parts of the pandemic on Wedding Wire and in Facebook groups reading through what people have decided to do for their wedding. When I was considering still having my wedding with my venue, I read different advice about cutting a guest list so if I decided to go that route, I could do so in the most respectful way possible.

Reading the forums and opinions of other brides helped calm me down and gave me a sense of community. Even though some brides didn’t know what they were doing about their weddings with covid, it was nice to know I wasn’t alone.

If you are getting married soon and aren't sure what the best decision is, I would highly suggest checking out what other brides are doing and finding solace in the fact that there are tons of others going through the same thing.

If You Want to Get Married on Your Wedding Day, then Get Married

It’s customary for most people to have their wedding and marriage happen on the same day, but who says it has to be that way? With the unpredictability of the year, many couples have decided to get married and save the party portion for when it’s safer. That is what my husband and I have decided to do for ourselves. We wanted to get married regardless of if we had our wedding or not- so we did. We ended up having an amazing time and have no regrets for not waiting to get married.

I know many people may worry that the wedding day will lose its meaning if they are married before, but if you don’t let that happen it won’t.

You can still save special things or activities for your wedding event so it still feels special even though you are already married. Since we had an outdoor ceremony, I wore a cheaper wedding dress so that I could save my fancier and more expensive dress for whenever we have our big wedding ceremony and reception. Even though we’ll already be married, I’ll get to shock my husband with my wedding day look all over again.

You and your partner should figure out how important it is for you to get married when you originally planned and if it’s that important, then just get married. You can always renew your vows or have the reception later. People will still come out to celebrate your love even if it’s a little later than planned.

Think of Multiple Backup Plans

Since the pandemic has become so unpredictable, it’s important to have multiple backup plans. Maybe you postponed, but you are unsure if your postponement date will still work.

Make a plan for best case, medium case, and worst-case scenarios. Think about how long you are willing to wait to get married and how many people you really need to celebrate with you and go from there.

My husband and I knew we wanted to get married this year regardless. We wanted to start building our life together and for us, it was important to be married before taking other steps. We moved our venue date to Fall of 2021 and had our small backyard wedding with our bridal party and parents instead. At that time, covid cases in our area weren’t going up, and we took a bunch of precautions to keep people safe but had the daily covid cases been as high as they are now back in October, we probably would have had an even smaller ceremony or just said screw it and gone to the courthouse.

If this year has taught us anything, it is to be prepared for all situations, so it’s super important to cover all your bases.

Celebrate with Your Partner

Whether you get married on your original day or not, I think it’s important to celebrate your day with your partner. Everyone should try to find happy moments in these troubling times, and celebrating your original wedding date will help.

Take a moment and go out on a date (safely!), have a glass of wine, or do whatever you both enjoy. Celebrate your relationship because while you may not have the wedding you envisioned, you will still have each other at the end of the day.

All in all, being engaged during the pandemic sucks, and I empathize with all the couples still figuring out what to do. I hope that some of my experiences and thoughts help those brides worried about their wedding. Hopefully, with the vaccine on the horizon, couples will be able to enjoy their weddings without worrying about how the pandemic will affect them. I wish all the brides and grooms the best of luck and hope 2021 is a better year.