It has been almost four months since I moved to Vancouver. The physical move brought about many changes, such as changes in the weather, lifestyle, personal network, business, and many other things. Although I had imagined that this change would be disruptive, I did not know how much these new experiences would influence me to think about life and work differently.

Personally, I have started spending a lot more time walking outside in nature thanks to the abundant nature here. Here, it does not snow much during the winter, and once you have a rain jacket, boots, and an umbrella, it is fairly easy to walk outside on any day. Thanks to lots of walking, my muscles are firmer, and I can feel my stamina grow. Being in nature every day brings much peace and calmness as well. As soon as I enter the forest, my noisy mind gets quiet, and I experience being present in the moment.

My husband and I have also found a wonderful church. It is such a blessing to find a community where you feel love for God and people. Connecting with people organically on a regular basis outside of the family network was something that I had dreamed of in Ottawa for a while, and it is happening right now.

We now live in a place where the public transit line is a 3-minute walk from our place, which gives me greater flexibility and mobility to move around the city. It is mind-blowing how much your city infrastructure impacts your life. During these four months, I have personally met more new people than I had in Ottawa for five years.

With all these good changes, there were times that I had an internal battle with anxiety and doubt.

Moving to a new place made me feel a greater need to perform in my business to find stability and build a professional network quickly. And I noticed that when I operate from a sense of urgency, it often does not bring great outcomes. With my sense of urgency, I had a couple of clients with whom I was finalizing contracts, and then the deals did not come to fruition. These were moments of despair and learning as an entrepreneur, and I am learning to hold the space for it continuously.

At the same time, the last four months were an immensely valuable time of growth as a coach and consultant. I had my first speaking engagement at one of the talent development conferences, hosted several public and intact organizational workshops for clients, and completed my coaching engagements with my existing clients successfully. I am also serving as a co-chair of the international summit right now, and it helps me stay engaged in all adaptive challenges in managing a self-organized group, which is a fabulous experience for a consultant who works in human systems.

As you can see, this was a moment of experiencing all things at once. To be frank, it was messy and disruptive, and it demanded great energy out of me. Taylor, in her learning theory, shares that all learning starts with “disconfirmation.” Going through disconfirmation is unsettling, yet it is the birth of growth. Going through the period of disconfirmation is messy.

One thing that the last four months helped me reflect on more is allowing time and space for that messiness. We think most of the time that messiness is something to be cleaned up immediately. However, there is value in embracing the messiness in our individual and organizational growth, and it takes our energy and attention to cope with that messiness.

Coming to the closure of these four months, I started to feel a sense of renewal and a new beginning. It feels like I am finally arriving in 2023.

What about you? What messiness are you experiencing currently?

May your messiness bring new clarity and growth as you embrace this exciting chapter of life.

A truth that I held onto

I am one step away from legal blindness. I have corneal dystrophy, a rare disease for which a cure has not been fully discovered yet. My vision has been degraded over the years due to this condition, and I got to embrace that as my reality.

What it means to be living with a visual impairment is

1. I can’t read a physical book — the letters are too small and vague to read
2. I can’t recognize people’s faces unless they come very close to me
3. I can’t see the traffic light very well on sunny days
4. I can’t drive
5. When I facilitate or teach, I can’t refer to visual cues, so I memorize the entire flow of the presentation.

And sometimes I bang the transparent glass wall in the mall, as I don’t notice them.

Yes. You know by now that It is extremely inconvenient to live with my condition.

However, interestingly enough, I only got to realize that my life has been extremely inconvenient recently. It was because I was so accustomed to believing that that’s the truth of living with what I have.

Possibilities emerge when we hold a bigger vision.

However, things started to shift when I started having a bigger vision for myself.

My vision in life is to become a change agent, empowering people to bring their full potential through positive change. I want to meet as many people as possible to support them in creating the life and work they want.

To do so, I envision going for many different speaking engagements, being involved in teaching and community building, and traveling around the world. My husband and I love spending time in nature and how awesome it would be to see beautiful nature in a clear form without missing all the beautiful details. By restoring my vision, I will also be able to live a more active life, such as outdoor biking, climbing, snowboarding, etc. All these images of vision I had can become more possible if I restore my vision.

In fact, three doctors have already recommended getting a cornea transplant to restore my vision. But I hesitated, thinking that what if my vision deteriorated again after the surgery (which is possible with my condition)?

By doing so, though, I unconsciously disregarded the possibility of gaining my full autonomy with a restored vision. And it was because I held on to my own truth that my vision was deteriorating, and I had to accept this reality of life.

My own truth did not help me embrace the power of gaining back the vision I lost.

What sets us free from old truths — Structural Alignment

In the book ‘the heart of laser-focused coaching’, the author, Marion Franklin, introduces ‘Structural Alignment’ as a concept to walk people through living a life of fulfillment.

The structural alignment is composed of four parts: 1) Truth, 2) Vision, 3) Purpose, and 4) Spiritual.

Truth is about the beliefs we hold about our current reality.

Vision is where we want to go.

The purpose is why we want to get there.

Spiritual is a place of true inner peace and true self beyond the physical realm.

People can create a fulfilling and authentic life when four components of structural alignment are aligned.

Franklin claims that when truths people hold on to do not support their vision, people are not likely to progress to generate meaningful changes to get to the vision they want. It is because people will likely return to the same patterns of behaviors, which align with their current truth. So, it is crucial to be aware of what current truths we believe and unpack them to shift our perspective.

So I asked myself,

“If my truth is I can restore my vision and truly gain back the life of autonomy and freedom, what’s possible?”

The answer was Unlimited Possibility, Joy, Adventure, Fulfillment, and many more.

I also brought this topic to my coach for further exploration. And after further exploration and reflection, I could declare my new truth.

“I am truly ready to see the world.”

This is my new truth about my vision, and after careful thoughts and analysis, I decided to have corneal transplant surgery to regain my vision when the right donor appears.

What’s your truth?

Ask yourself,

“What truth are you holding on to?”

“In what way does your truth empower you to move forward with your vision?”

“If it doesn’t empower you, what new truths do you choose to believe in?”

It’s your own truths that will set you free.

Reference:

the heart of laser focused coaching by Marion Franklin

Two weeks ago, I was invited to facilitate a teach-back session in one of the colleges in the region. Teach back session is a job interview for corporate trainers and facilitators. The interviewers who are seasoned trainers will be the participants as you teach, and you will be assessed for your training delivery. I was thrilled that I made it to the teach-back session as it will open many doors to work with corporate clients for training.

The meeting for a teach-back session included an informal introduction and a teach-back session. It sounds straightforward, right?

Unfortunately, the word ‘informal introduction’ created some internal struggle for me. I have conducted countless interviews throughout my career, and my intuition told me if I introduced myself in a typical informal way, I would not be remembered by people in the room. On top of that, the corporate training department in college often hires highly seasoned trainers with over 20+ years of experience as their associate trainers. I had the significant experience to qualify as a competent trainer, yet did not accrue 20+ years of expertise.

So, I knew I had to do something different to stand out. But I felt stuck in figuring out how. In what way could I make a powerful impression on the panel interviewers? This question lingered on my mind for a couple of weeks, but I did not find the clarity I needed.

Two days before my teach-back session, I was lucky to find inspiration. I chanced upon the book ‘Stories That Stick.’ As I read this book, one thing became clear. Compelling stories will stick in our brains and make a long-term impression. What I needed to stand out was creating a compelling account of my career as a way to introduce myself informally.

What makes a compelling story

In Stories That Stick, the author Kindra Hall illustrates compelling stories often have these common denominators, which are:

1. Relatable character
2. Authentic Emotion
3. A moment that matters
4. Specific details in scenes

As I read through the key characteristics of a compelling story, I was reminded of one vivid moment when I became passionate about helping people navigate through change. Then, I started connecting how I could incorporate that compelling story into my overall career aspiration and topics of the teach-back. Now, let me share with you how I did it.

The defining moment of my career

It was about eight years ago. I arrived at work earlier than usual to prepare for the workshop I would facilitate. Then, I saw one of the engineering managers sitting in the training room. I will call him Dan (for confidentiality). Dan was a great colleague, and the people around him loved him. He always carried calm and positive energy around him.

As I walked toward him to say hello, I felt something was off.

He seemed to be occupied with something. He didn’t even seem to notice that I was walking toward him. As I got closer to him, I saw his completely deflated face. I was immediately concerned and asked him if he was doing ok.

And Dan sighed deeply and took a pause.

Then, he said, “Hmm…my division just announced another round of restructuring.”

When I heard what he said, I wasn’t surprised. Restructuring was a constant motion in the company.

However, his next line touched something deep in me. I still remember what he said next.

“Gloria, I had six managers over the last two years…. I think I had enough,”

Another deep sigh followed.

Helplessness.

I could feel his sense of helplessness, and my heart sank.

I imagined myself being in his shoes. How unsettling would it have been for him to have six managers within two years while managing the team? On top of that, he and his team need to manage additional changes that bring more ambiguity and uncertainty.

At that moment, I did not know what to say. Most importantly, I did not know how to support him in a meaningful way. I felt inadequate in supporting colleagues going through enormous uncertainty. And I knew I had to do something about it.

That’s when I asked myself,

“How can I empower people to navigate change effectively and leverage these opportunities for further growth?”

This became my guiding question for my career.

My Journey of answering the guiding question

That journey made me pursue different walks of development throughout my career. My curiosity constantly guided me to search for new answers to enable people through change.

I became a certified coach to support individuals increase their change agility and adaptability. Then, I started facilitating workshops to create space for group learning and increase team effectiveness by enhancing their skills. The more facilitations I did, the more I deepened my expertise in designing and facilitating experiential learning. It helped me support people to engage in acquiring knowledge and learning that changes their mindset and behaviours.

Ultimately, my curiosity has led me to learn more about facilitating effective organizational change. As a result, I pursued Masters in Organization Development and became a certified change management practitioner. In my last corporate job, I supported business transformation for a global customer success organization.

With all experience and learning that shaped my career, I have launched my own independent coaching and consulting practice to empower people through change.

Connecting the intention with the purpose of the meeting

Once I shared my defining moment and my journey, I connected the story with the intention of the meeting we were in. Here is what I said:

Partnership with the corporate training department in the college will create more opportunities to empower people through changes in collaboration with all of you. My expertise in leadership development and change management will help your clients enhance capabilities and organizational effectiveness in the long term.

Today, for the teach-back session, I will walk you through one module on change management that I facilitated across multiple organizations.

Impact of Compelling Storytelling

First, storytelling helps you connect with people at a fundamentally deeper level. When I shared my story of the pivotal moment, I started sensing that people were drawn to my story. They understood my passion, drive, and experience through my story. I did not explain what was written in my CV or my accomplishments. However, they connected with my professional experience and journey of achieving what I have done through my personal story.

Second, it helps people understand how to engage with you. As I shared my key expertise around supporting people through change, the interview panels knew when to engage me as their partner. When they hear the need for change management or leadership development, they will engage me to design and facilitate the training for their corporate clients.

Third and most importantly, I passed the teach-back session! I am now working through the final step to becoming their associate trainer.

Call to Action

Do you have a compelling story of your career? If you don’t, start creating one now. Your career story will make every experience and accomplishment you had come alive and will make a lasting impression on your interviewers.

As you craft your compelling story, please include these key elements.

1. Finding a defining moment that shaped your career or sparked your curiosity about something that you are passionate about
2. Craft a story with a vivid character, emotions, a moment that matters, and specific details
3. Explain how your career journey was informed by a defining moment
4. Connect your journey with the intention of an opportunity in front of you.

Let your talent be amplified through your story. Seize your opportunity.

Are you looking for some help clarifying your career story and determining how to move forward in your career? Then, let’s connect for a coffee! Book a connection call here.

Reference:

Stories That Stick: How Storytelling Can Captivate Customers, Influence Audiences, and Transform Your Business by Kindra Hall

Each of us has a unique gift

I have been married for almost six years. Since we have been married, I see how we are similar in some ways yet very different in other aspects. Among many lists of differences, I noticed one true talent of my husband. He is creative in drawing cute characters, composing music with a spark of inspiration, and creating awesome videos. For everything I mentioned, he self-taught himself to do them.

Early this year, my husband started his YouTube channel, and he started uploading his music and videos consistently.

However, after a few months, I realized he had stopped uploading them.

I was curious. What happened?

So I asked.

“I noticed you have not uploaded your video for a while. What’s going on?”

Then, he paused for a second and said,

“I don’t know if my video is good enough. I am not getting enough views, and the number of subscribers is not growing. It must be because my music and videos are not great.”

Coach in me started getting curious, so I said:

“So what I am hearing is, you stopped producing more videos because you don’t feel your videos and music are not good enough. I get it, but I am also curious. What makes you stop creating if they are not good?”

Then he said,

“Hmm, I am not too sure. Maybe because I felt I had to perfect them, but I don’t have the skills to make them perfect. I am not that great in what I am doing… and whenever I saw what I was doing was not great, I felt stuck. I guess that’s why I could not produce more videos.”

Now I saw that his inner critics took him over and led him to stop trying.

Wicked inner critics make us play small

Have you ever noticed these voices below passing through your mind as you go about your day?

“You are not good enough.”

“Why can’t you do this properly?”

“You are an idiot.”

“Who do you think you are to dream big?”

The truth is we all deal with this evil voice in our head, and I call them “Saboteur.” As the name suggests, the saboteur is good at sabotaging us. Saboteur judges you, blame you and belittle you. It does anything to make you play small.

This voice is with us 24/7, and if we get used to following it, we end up not trying and growing, as it becomes extremely unsafe for us to go against it. Unfortunately, though, most of people follow the voices of saboteurs instead of following the voice of their true selves.

On the flip side, what would be possible if we could move away from listening to saboteurs and start listening and following the voice of our true selves?

The answer is…

We will try.

We will fail.

We will learn from our mistakes and…

Eventually, we will transform.

It’s pretty powerful, isn’t it?

If the path to our transformation starts with not paying attention to the saboteur, how can we do that?

How to say goodbye to your saboteur

The first step to divorcing from saboteur is noticing them when they come. Most of the time, the voices of the saboteur are automatically registered in our brain without much awareness. As I am writing this article, I have been hijacked by my saboteur many times, telling me,

“Your English sucks. Go and correct your grammar before writing further.”

What I do after hearing that voice is to notice this voice and acknowledge its presence.

“Ok, here we go again. I hear you, damn little voice.”

After noticing and acknowledging the saboteur, the second step is naming the saboteur.

Going back to the story of my husband, I asked my husband a question.

“How would you call that voice that keeps saying you are not good enough?”

And he said,

“A little evil monkey. It pops up everywhere randomly and is so active that it moves quickly. It is very annoying.”

Giving names to our saboteurs helps us be more aware of our own saboteurs. It also gives us the language to explain its character, how it shows up, and its impact on us. On another note, it also helps us engage with our saboteurs through playfulness and creativity, making it easier for us to deal with them.

After naming your saboteur, the last step is to prepare the most amazing farewell party for this saboteur. Let’s imagine it is the last farewell party that you will meet your saboteur(s). How would you greet them, and how would you send them off?

When I asked my husband this question, he said:

“I am going to give this annoying monkey a lot of bananas until his stomach is fully stuffed, and I am going to send him off to an uninhabited island through a private jet.”

There you go! Now my husband has a ritual to send this saboteur off to the most luxurious feast and trip.

Call to Action

Let’s take a pause and reflect on your day so far. How many times have you been hijacked by your saboteur today? How did it make you feel? As you reflect on this, remember these tips.

1. When you hear your saboteurs, notice and acknowledge them
2. If you are ready to divorce your Saboteur, give them a proper name and understand their impact on you.
3. Give them the BEST send-off in your mind and practice this step repeatedly to weaken your saboteur.

Lastly, remember, your saboteur is not YOU!

You are a gifted human being with so much potential.

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson

This week, I embarked on a fascinating learning program called Positive Intelligence. The main learning from this program is becoming aware of our thought and behavioral pattern and building self-discipline to consciously unlearn and rewire the patterns in our brain to bring our fullest potential.

One of my biggest learnings was learning how our brains work in habit formation. And today, I want to share the key learning with you.

Neuroscience of habit formation

Do you remember when you first learn to ride a bicycle? When you first ride a bicycle, you become hyper-alert in sensing and coordinating movements while staying balanced. However, you gradually feel at ease in riding a bicycle. It happens because repetition makes it easier for our brain to form a new pathway. Similarly, our brain processes many signals from the external environment every day. Once signals reach our brain, they follow our brain’s pathway and create reactions. As our brains have many pathways, and over time, brains automate the way to manage these signals to create more capacity to process information and signals. That explains why riding a bicycle becomes so easy that you don’t have to think about how to ride it again once you master it.

Interestingly, depending on which pathway signals are transported, it can create negative or positive reactions in our brains. What’s fascinating is the more we use specific pathways, the wider and stronger the pathways become in our brain. So, it becomes easier for the signals to travel to bigger pathways and our brains will start automatically registering future signals to travel to a more frequently used pathway. For example, suppose we use a negative pathway to process the signals more frequently. In that case, signals will eventually take an automatic route to negative pathways and influence our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors to become more negative. It will become a habit for us to assume negative thoughts, intentions, and behaviors. Negativity becomes who we are.

Short-term negativity and vigilance in life can protect us from danger or risk. However, we also intuitively know that prolonged negativity may have a detrimental impact in the long term. According to Chamine, the research shows that when people engage with positive perspectives in life, they create far greater results and happiness than engaging with negative perspectives. If that’s true, how do we unlearn our default negativity and consciously choose to stay positive?

How to undo our old habit

When signals come into our neurons before it gets to an automatic reaction, it’s important to make an intentional break. It can be a form of noticing what’s happening, taking a deep breath, and taking a quick walk. All these simple breaks can be done in two to five minutes.

When we calm down our brain, we have more ability to be aware and consciously shift our thinking from negative to positive. When we can send a signal to a positive one, the muscle for positive thinking grows. It will strengthen the neurological pathway for positive thinking. Over time, it will become easy for us to choose positivity rather than constantly being exposed to negative thought patterns.

Take One Step at a Time

How did you start your day today? Were you in a rush to get to work, feeling overwhelmed by a never-ending to-do list?

Take a pause for 30 seconds, and notice what you are sensing in your palm. Put your hands to your stomach and feel the gentle movement. or take a deep breath. And write down what you have noticed. Practice it three times daily and notice what shifts for you.

May our brain be our friend, not our enemy.

Reference:
Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential AND HOW YOU CAN ACHIEVE YOURS by Shirzad Chamine

“When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” — Alexander Graham Bell.”

My first encounter with layoffs

It was roughly three months after starting my first real job. As I entered the office, I felt the strange air in the office. It was not the typical, busy, and vibrant morning at work. I saw people talking in a small group at the corner of the corridor, and some people were focusing on reading emails.

It turned out the company had just announced a major layoff. I still remember that fear of the unknown crept up in my stomach.

I asked myself: ‘What’s going to happen to my job? I just started.’

Even in the team meeting, team leads didn’t seem to have much information about these layoffs. And we were hanging in that ambiguity for a few days.

One day, one senior colleague sat next to me (we were in a mobile office.) Despite what was happening, my senior colleague seemed so chill and calm, and I had to ask him. “How can you stay so calm in the middle of this chaos?”

And I still remember what he said next to this date.

He said, “Well. I have no control over this situation. What can I do? I figured there was no point in sweating over what I can’t control.”

Then, he continued. “I learned that layoffs and re-organization could also mean an opportunity for reinvestment. You will soon see this layoff will bring new opportunities in other parts of the business.”

He said it so lightly, but it profoundly impacted how I embraced changes and my career in organizations.

And I want to share three key lessons I learned about navigating uncertainty in my career. I hope this will give clarity and encouragement to those going through uncertain career times.

Acknowledge things are out of your control

Many external forces impact our careers. For example, we have seen how Covid-19 has shifted the way we work. Sociopolitical uncertainty globally is giving a hot seat to the global economy, impacting organizations worldwide. We can neither get out of it nor control it.

There is something powerful about acknowledging we don’t have control. It frees up energy, and it liberates us. And it gives us renewed energy to focus on what’s within our control.

In any uncertainty, there is a place of ambiguity and certainty. Focus on what we can control.

The ending of one opportunity can be a door open for a new (better) one.

This brings me to my second point. You may be mourning for the lost opportunity or feeling worried about a potential loss of opportunity in this uncertain labor market. I understand how tough it must be. And as ironic as it sounds, I am glad you are feeling uncertain because you are entering a door of new possibilities.

When external changes force us to end our relationship with our unchanged world, we feel lost for a while. Yet, the opening of uncertainty allows us to explore something new. It pushes us to explore our uncharted territory. Instead of sticking with one opportunity, you have a space to explore various interests that you might have parked for a while.

What’s something you were interested in or passionate about but did not have a chance or energy to focus on?

What possibilities are there for you to pursue some career opportunities in the field of your interest?

Pivot and re-design your career instead of hopping onto a new job immediately

When we are uncertain, we sometimes try our best to remove uncertainty. If you are experiencing uncertain times in your career, you may want to find the next job or opportunities to land quickly.

Please do not rush. Instead, I invite you to re-evaluate your career and life and take the time to dive deeper.

“How does your career come into play in living a happy life? “

“What’s fulfilling work for you?”

“What legacy do you want to leave through your work?”

Dig deeper before you say yes to the next opportunity. Choosing what fulfills you helps you design your life.

Take your driver’s seat.

Do not let external forces drive your life.

Are you working on a change initiative? Check out these three early warning signs to understand if your change initiative is set up for success.

As a certified change practitioner, I have seen, experienced, and led many change initiatives in organizations. In doing so, I learned failed change initiatives have their common traits. I want to share these early warning signs so that you can evaluate the current status of your change initiatives and work on addressing any of these early warning signs to set your change initiative for success.

Sign #1: You don’t have an engaged sponsor

Can you imagine flying on a plane without a pilot? Leading change initiatives without an engaged sponsor is like flying on a plane without a pilot. Like a pilot, a sponsor in a change initiative leads people with a vision of where an organization is heading, course-corrects the direction when facing challenges, and is accountable for the successful landing and sustainment of a change initiative.

One of the biggest challenges in leading change is for a sponsor to stay engaged and committed throughout a change initiative. Often, sponsors are stretched too thin in their competing priorities and have little bandwidth to contribute to a specific change initiative. To create a positive engagement, set a clear expectation with your sponsor upfront. You can share how they can support and inspire people through communication, stakeholder management, and building engagement from their teams. Then, set a regular check-in to help a sponsor stay accountable for their involvement in a change initiative.

Sign #2: You don’t involve people who are impacted by change

Take a look at your project team for any change initiative. Who’s involved? Are there any people managers or employees who are impacted by the changes? If none of them is involved in the core project team, how are you establishing ongoing feedback channels with those impacted by changes?

Involving people in all levels of organizations is a key to building sustainable change. People resist change not because a change is bad but because they aren’t engaged in a meaningful way to shape a change. So go out, ask them for their participation, and leverage their thought leadership and insights on the ground to inform your next phase of change planning and execution.

Sign #3: You are not prepared for emergence.

None of change initiatives will go according to initial plans. In initiating a change, there is always unexpected emergence. Human systems are inherently complex, and they are unpredictable. We can only do so much to prepare in the most certain way we know, but change will take its own shape and form as your change plan gets rolled out.

When change initiatives are not going according to the plan, don’t panic. Just observe. What patterns are emerging? Name the pattern and gather people to lean into collective wisdom to address emerging patterns. Do not stick to the initial plan. Expect an emergence and stay flexible.

“People don’t resist change. They resist being changed.” — Peter Senge

Imagine seeing a mirror right in front of your face. Can you ignore what you see? Probably not. As you see it so clearly, you will either take a closer look or move away from it. That’s what the Weighted Decision Matrix (WDM) process does when we are stuck in our analysis paralysis.

We all have incomplete chapters in our decision-making

For me, that was about moving to another city, and I have been thinking about moving to another city, not just for a few months but for about four years.

I immigrated to Canada in November 2017 and settled in Ottawa, the capital city of Canada, where my husband was a local. Before coming to Canada, I had lived in Singapore for nine years. Singapore has tropical weather, with an average temperature of about 35 degrees Celsius throughout the year. I arrived in Canada during the winter when the temperature could go down to -30 degrees Celsius. It was an ultimate flip!

I remember one vivid moment, realizing that I could never settle down in Ottawa permanently. One fine winter day (at -30 degrees Celsius), I left the house and felt the strong wind hit my face. Within five seconds outside, my nostrils started freezing, and my eye felt sore. That odd sensation of overwhelming cold was quite something. At that moment, I also saw a glimpse of the future here. With a long, harsh winter where everyone was stuck at home for 6 months, I wasn’t sure if I could build a meaningful connection and be a part of a community where I could belong.

So I talked to my husband, and we started exploring the possibility of moving to another city. We researched different cities across Canada and went around different places. We talked to friends and colleagues who lived in these cities to learn more. We also went to some of these places for exploration. For the past few years, moving to another city has been a regular conversation topic over dinner.

Fast forward and four years later, we are STILL here in Ottawa. We spent a lot of time talking, researching, and exploring, but we did not make a decision. How did that happen? Why did we get stuck here for such a long time? Four whole years!

What’s Making Us Stuck in Our Analysis Paralysis?

In just one word, the answer is ‘certainty.’

Certainty is a magic word. Certainty never exists, but we always crave for it as if it exists. I, too, wanted certainty in deciding where to move. Like me, many of us are constantly postponing a decision because we are not certain. The risk seems too high without knowing what we will get. On the flip side, though, it also means if we feel certain, it is more likely for us to make a decision.

So, how can we help ourselves feel certain about decision-making? In his book, The Millionaire Fastlane, the author, M. J. DeMarco, introduces the Weighted Decision Matrix (WDM) as a way for him to consider multiple options in a structured way to find clarity and certainty in his decision-making. As I read through his process of using the Weighted Decision Matrix, a light bulb went on in my head. I had to do this exercise to find clarity in deciding our move.

Weighted Decision Matrix (WDM) and How to Use It

WDM is a decision-making tool that makes complex decision-making a simple process. It is useful, especially when there are multiple criteria and choices we have to consider in decision-making.

I will go through the steps of using WDM by giving you an example of how I used WDM to make decisions on moving to another city.

Step 1. List down all potential choices.

After research and visits to multiple cities across Canada, my husband and I narrowed the choices of cities down to Calgary and Vancouver, in addition to staying in Ottawa.

So we had three options to compare: 1) Ottawa, 2) Calgary, and 3) Vancouver.

Step 2: Write down all decision-making criteria.

Once you list all your choices, it’s time to consider all decision-making criteria. For us, the decision-making criteria were:

• Cost of Living
• Public Transportation and infrastructure
• Weather
• Opportunities for jobs in our field of expertise
• Proximity to Family
• Ethnically Diverse Community
• Access to Nature & Outdoor Activities

Step 3. Make a table to consolidate decision-making criteria and all potential choices.

When you have a full list of decision-making criteria, you can build a table that outlines the decision-making criteria in each row and make a column for each potential choice.

Here is an example of a table we built to evaluate choices:

Step 4. Rate each criterion from 0–10 (0-Low importance, 10-High Importance).

Rating a score for each criterion is a highly subjective process as the scores reflect what’s important to you. For example, public transportation was crucial for us in this decision-making process as I could not drive with my visual impairment. However, this might not even be a decision-making criterion for some of you. So list what’s important to you as a decision-making criterion and rate it according to how much you value it.

In the example below, my husband and I rated the importance of each decision-making criteria. Then, we put the score next to each criterion.

Step 5. Score all potential choices you have against these criteria.

Scoring each option takes some research and thought process. In each decision-making criteria, you will have specific elements that are important to you. For example, a score in the weather for us indicated the degree of extreme winter. The milder and less snowy it was, the higher the score was. Your high score for weather might be different based on your preference.

Based on what we value about the weather, Ottawa and Calgary scored low as both cities have long and very snowy winters.

Step 6. Multiply the score of each decision-making criterion and the scores you marked for each potential choice.

Now it’s time to get the score for choices against each criterion. For example, in getting the score for cost of living for Ottawa, as the rating for the cost of living is 8, and Ottawa scored at 8, we will multiply 8 and 8 and get 64. You will do this for each option per each criterion. Once you calculate all the options, then it’s time to sum up all scores for each option.

Step 7. Compare cumulative scores of each option and decide on the option with the highest score.

Now let’s take a look at the total score for each option.

• Ottawa: 275
• Calgary: 314
• Vancouver: 394

We see that Vancouver is rated the highest based on all considerations we value about choosing the city to live in.

When we saw this, there was no room for further confusion. We knew what to do.

Clarity leads to action

After going through WDM, we took action. We are moving to Vancouver and making every intentional step to make it happen. My husband is actively seeking a remote work opportunity that will allow him to work in Vancouver. I am building a professional network and partnerships with people in Vancouver to foster potential business collaboration. We also shared our intention of moving to Vancouver with all our family, including our in-laws, to keep them informed of our change.

Clarity helps you stay focused

When we shared the intention to move to Vancouver, some people said,

“Oh, it is really expensive to live in Vancouver. Ottawa is livable, and you have your family in-laws here. Why do you want to move?”

In any decision-making we do, there are always naysayers. In the past, we would have second-guessed our intention and desire when we heard this feedback, but we did not this time. We had no doubts because we knew which criteria we were deciding on.

Call to Action

Do you have any decisions you have “parked” for a while? Or are you experiencing analysis paralysis in decisions that you have to make at this point?

Take a pen and paper and start listing your options and decision-making criteria.

What decision criteria do you see that are important to you?

How are your potential choices scored against these criteria?

Bring your mirror towards your face. Discover what’s important to you and how you will honor it with your decision.

“Indecision is the greatest thief of opportunity.” — Jim Rohn.

Often, what is holding us back is not our inability to embrace something new, but our inability to let go of our old mindset and habits.

My Journey of Starting a New Business

I am entering my 3rd month of being an entrepreneur. As I reflect on these couple of months, one word that came to my mind is “reinvention.” I feel as though I am literally reinventing myself.

At the start of this journey, I didn’t fully comprehend the degree and volume of changes I would be going through in building my own business. Without knowing what I didn’t know and facing them as they come, swirls of emotion and ambiguity sometimes fell on my face. Now, I am still learning to navigate them.

During this time, though, I am learning one clear lesson. That is…

I am unlearning.

So, I want to share a little reflection on the lessons about unlearning.

Change Doesn’t Just Happen

William Bridges is one of the respected thought leaders in the field of organizational change. In his famous Bridges’ model of transition, he describes a change as an external event, where something old stops and something new begins.

One distinction he makes about change is the notion of transition. He describes a transition as a psychological reorientation people go through internally during change. Therefore, for us to embrace changes, we first need to manage our transition inside of our heads and mind.

Transition Starts with Letting Go

Managing transition starts with having a proper ending to an old reality. It involves a process of letting go of something old so that we can be ready to embrace a new reality.

When I reflect on letting go recently, I started to understand the deeper meaning of it. Letting go is not just about releasing feelings and a sense of attachment to something. It is also an active act of unlearning. Unlearning involves investigating our existing mindset, challenging our beliefs and assumption, and making space to generate new learning. Unlearning can be uncomfortable for most of us, yet it can be transformative. I recently experienced a powerful shift from one unlearning as I transitioned from a corporate worker to an entrepreneur. It is about unlearning my short-term orientation about results.

Unlearning My Short-Term Orientation Towards Results

Having worked in fast-paced global tech companies for many years, I was (or still am) used to creating results on a short-term basis. Most of the projects I managed spanned over a couple of months and I had to show the results by the end of these projects and moved on to another. I was sprinting all the time throughout my career.

Hence, in terms of building a business, I unconsciously expected to quickly create a business result. I almost considered entrepreneurship as a short-term project. I thought I would be able to figure out my branding, strategies, client creation, etc. within the first 30 days. For example, I thought I could build my company website within 2 weeks after I started a business. It turned out that crafting a story of a business on a website is much more than just building a structure of contents. A website embeds the philosophy of how I do business, clarity on whom I want to serve, and how I will create client experience. All these needed time and proper exploration, and I realized I could not just rush it to get it done.

When it comes to client creation, I am also unlearning my expectation to build a trusting relationship quickly. It would be every business owner’s dream to have many clients to serve. However, the truth is a genuine relationship takes time to build. Especially in coaching and consulting, people share their lives and organizational challenges in a very real and vulnerable way, and it takes many steps of faith for people to trust me as a coach and a consultant. So, I am learning to let go of my grip on rushing and to allow space for relationships to grow mature.

Through this unlearning, my perspective on building a business has shifted from a sprint to a marathon. I used to be a fast runner, trying to get to the finish line with adrenaline and hyped energy. Now, I am learning to be a marathon runner, pacing my breath and my energy for a long haul. There are still times when I force myself to be breathless and want to go faster, but I am reminding myself that each step will bring me closer to my vision. Having the perspective of a marathon runner helps me feel at ease to know that fruit of my service will come with consistent perseverance.

What Are You Unlearning?

Now, let’s talk about you.

1. What change(s) are you going through right now?

2. Where do you feel stuck in navigating change?

3. What’s one thing that you can unlearn to move forward?

As you reflect on the questions, please remember. You are getting one step closer to new possibilities.

“Before people can begin something new, they have to end what used to be and unlearn the old way.” — William Bridges

Are you looking for changes in your career? or Are you a leader in your organization and exploring how to make a meaningful and effective change in your team? Book a connection call here to explore how I can support you and your team.

Reference:

Bridges, W. (1991). Managing transitions. New York: Addison-Wesley.

Changing jobs is one of the most crucial decisions in life. It is because a career affects not just your work life but your finances, energy, relationship, and many more aspects of your personal life. The cascading impact of work on people’s lives is huge. Hence, any career decision is important, and nobody wants to screw it up, including me.

But, I know I made some bad choices in my career too. While these mistakes helped me mature, I paid the price for them. So I do not want to repeat the same mistakes. And I hope you don’t too.

So, I am sharing my personal learning from these mistakes, and I hope this will help you make a better decision if you are planning your next career move.

What we often miss when planning career transition

One fine day, you feel that you need a career change, and feel as though you need to quit your job. Interestingly, when you send this signal to the universe, you suddenly started noticing some stuff.

Your boss suddenly throws urgent random requests at you without much notice.

Meetings with colleagues feel like a waste of time.

Project requirements keep shifting and you are not sure what you are doing.

You are getting frustrated.

Every day, you experience more and more of that

Then, you become even more stressed.

As time goes by, you get disengaged.

Soon after, you find another opportunity and move on.

Does this sound familiar?

This happens to most of us. In fact, this is exactly what I did for most of my career transitions. And we repeat this experience in most of our career transition cycles because of our “confirmation bias”.

Confirmation bias is a tendency for people to draw on information and data aligned with their beliefs or values. It makes us focus on information that supports our beliefs and values, instead of putting enough attention into exploring data that disconfirms our beliefs. When we fall into our confirmation bias, we make decisions based on the data that confirms our beliefs. And maybe, there is nothing wrong with that.

However, it also robs us of the opportunity to holistically assess our career situation. When we make career decisions based on what we do not want to have or experience, we can miss the opportunity to assess what gains we already have in our current jobs. It is also possible that what we often take for granted at current jobs might not be offered in another career opportunity and it could be something important to us.

So, when we feel the need for career transition, it is equally important to assess the benefit of not making a career transition and explore if there are any aspects of our current jobs that fulfill our values, and desires. Without this critical reflection, we might end up moving to a new job or work opportunity that does not fulfill what’s important to us and become unhappy. Eventually, we will leave our jobs and repeat the same cycle over and over again.

Make a list of the benefit of “not making a career transition”

For those who want to move on from your career, here is my invitation to you.

Bring your pen and paper, and write down the top 10 things that you appreciate about your current work. If this is tough, write down a list of reasons why you should not change your career at this point.

I did this exercise to reflect on my past career transition recently, and here were some reasons:

• My manager and I had a good relationship
• Work was intense but I had a good work-life balance
• My colleagues were hard-working and very open, and it was great to collaborate with them
• Although things were not structured, I had an opportunity to shape some structures.

As I read this through again after writing, it made me wonder “what choice would I have made if I knew I value these so much at that point? Would I have made different decisions?”

And the answer is …..

I would totally think so.

Most importantly, I discovered I value relationships and opportunities for innovation in my career.

So now is your turn, Let’s read your list.

What items on your list resonate with you? and why?

What insights are you getting from writing and reflecting on this list?

Your reflection will help you gain clarity around what’s truly important to you. This becomes an incredible ingredient in designing your future career.

So, do not ignore it. Make a decision to honor it.