By dictionary, a frown face is to disapprove of something or to make a face indicating disapproval by turning down the corners of your mouth and furrowing your brow. But that’s just a physical outward reaction, what happens inside is almost termed a collapse — of your neurons, your left brain, your hormones, basically your entire ‘thinking’ system goes south.

Is it a good thing to happen? You’d say what kinda question is that? All that fancy #gyaan about letting your emotions out is super important blah blah et cetera. But you fail to realize what really happens in that one simple moment when you frown. Let’s go step by step.

Physical damage: The first and the most common thing is the usage of energy. You technically use double the energy than when you smile. The act of frowning somehow comes from the gut (Try doing it), you literally feel your tummy being cramped. Then comes the all-important facial muscles. It starts with your lips dispositioned to their optimum capacity semi-circle. Immediately connected to your lips are your cheeks which get stretched like pizza dough before entering the oven. And the forehead that has to shrink the way it would look at your old age. Followed by the internal strain (I’ll come to that), and your face. Shit! Even if you have the cutest face that gets 100 likes per post with an Instagram filter, I make it look shit, almost like a chewed over chewing gum. And also, they say your skin takes shape to its persistent shape. Do you want your picture on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or shaadi.com (if eligible) to be that frowning one? Some people try this to resemble cuteness though.

Mental damage: Again, with the usage of energy, there is a dissipation of a certain hormone (don’t ask me what, I’m just assuming) that deactivates your adrenaline. The moment you frown at the length of its existence, you could feel the negative vibe reaching your body — inch by inch. And a li’l dermatologic theory says that if you stretch your skin for longer, it remains the same (I am bluffing, it’s my theory). And just to add a li’l more ambiguity to this theory, it also degrades the quality of your skin (again, bluff). Let’s not get into the conversation about feeling low. Your next 3 to 4 hours are surely f*cked. You cannot concentrate on what you’re supposed to do. You’d crave alcohol, Redbull, caffeine blah blah. It gets you demotivated. Yeah! I was searching for the right overhyped term. Gosh! ‘Demotivation’ it is!

However, there are merits to this act as well. Sadly, only when you were a kid. You were called cute when you made that face. You earn a chocolate bar, a toy, et cetera. And you were so flamboyant that frowning hardly affected you in any way.

Let’s assume frowning only remains valid to when you were a kid. And as you seek maturity, you start inculcating things, pursuing things in a very very serious way. Hence, it becomes a part of your life and just another method to earn a chocolate bar, a toy.

There is so much in the world that you can be happy about. 1. Your existence 2. That you validate your existence 3. That this validation helps you remain happy. Now, you can very well debate, happiness is just in theories, there is no pursuit of happiness that really exists, et cetera. But yo! Who says happiness is materialistic? The other way to look at it is avoiding disappointment. The lack of bad energy is also happiness. The lack of frowning can also lead to happiness? Maybe this is taking a leap of faith. But surely would be a great start.

C’mon! This bugger wrote an entire thesis based on his imagination for you to avoid me. Itna toh banta hai?

After all, I am a frown face and I do not wish to love my existence.

CASE 1 — To hear out the world around you? To feel the emotions of your fellow humans? To be in line with your worldly mandates? To soothe yourself with your favourite music? To listen to those words of wisdom? To sense the calm on your planet?

CASE 2 — To hear out the distinct opinions of the world around you? To feel the rants of disdain of your fellow humans? To be against building a strong worldly mandate? To agitate yourself with that platform of confusion? To listen to those words of despair? To sense the noise on your planet?

Now, even if I call out for you to choose your case, you’d shout aloud CASE 1. You’d be an intellectual masterpiece if you chose the latter because you’re out there to pacify and make this world a happy place — basically, you proactively chose CASE 2 to elevate your fellow humans to CASE 1. But, we ain’t discussing these godly humans.

Basically, my problem is beyond your choice, my problem is with what you’re left to choose from. And let’s face it, as we head towards the mid 21st century, as much as we don’t want and wish to, our ears are prominently intercepting CASE 2.

Ok, wait! I DO NOT mean that we’re all living it the wrong way. I ABSOLUTELY mean we’re all keeping ourselves vulnerable to a lot of things that might lead us to live the wrong way. And by that, I mean keeping our inbuilt earphones wide open to pretty much anything and everything around the world.

Now, for a second, think about how you use an earphone? You CHOOSE what you wish to hear and you strongly believe in what you hear. Right from music to videos to content to everything that creates a sound effect. What’s really prominent is that you ensure there’s a filter to your choice of content. A strong filter that roughly defines your personality as a whole, your behavioural traits, your likes and dislikes. Not to forget, you’re also cautious in terms of what you would perceive through those earphones basis the time you own. So, beyond a filter to that content, you also prioritise your time investment.

Now, if you draw a parallel with your inbuilt earphones, your ears, you’d realise how easy it is to CHOOSE from what you wish to hear and also strongly believe in them. It ain’t difficult also to filter with your choice of content and of course the time quotient that prioritises it.

Ideally, we’re active for 12–14 hours a day when we interact with the world. Just imagine, if our time priority and filters are set, by the end of every single day, what you’d always perceive is CASE 1.

And by just mentioning this premise, I made the most common error on your planet — I just released an idealistic #Gyaan. You see, even this falls in CASE 2. How can I teach and preach you to adhere to an ideology which I haven’t yet mastered? Why would you even think about adopting this theory when you claim in a social forum that ‘I am fine/in love with my life!’? And you ain’t thinking wrong. But there is just too much of this floating around your universe, that might confuse you to think beyond what wrong could be…

The point being, make those ears work in real life like when you put on those earphones. Just believe that there’s one always plugged into your ears. Just feel that you always have a choice to pause, stop, play and hear what you’re interested in. Just be open to learning everything that’ll make you a better human being, whatever you think is right, whatever you believe is your belief, just try and act that only these reach your ears. Your neurones would be so so so happy and calm and so offloaded. Your everything (I really fail to define this) would be so much aligned for you to be positive in specific and your world to be a happy place in general.

After all, I am an inbuilt earphone and I do not wish to hate my existence.

You know no matter how sorted (lately, a term that humans excessively refer to for perfect living situations) your life is, your cranium, that left brain is always inclined towards pushing an excuse out of your tongue the moment you fail to deliver a planned deed.

An excuse is one of those exclusive entities that proves humans are the smartest living being on this planet. No matter if you’re called dumb, intelligent, brainy, slag — you would never miss this beautiful piece of real-time creation. When I say real-time, it is beyond what humans can do in real-time. Don’t believe me? Stare at a known person who’s nearest to you. See what he/she wants out of you in the next minute/hour. And if this doesn’t fall in line with your line of thought, *drum rolls* there is an excuse ready with you, in your subconscious brain already, waiting to be delivered through your senses.

Now, what is wrong with giving an excuse? If you analyze in practicality, it’s a subtle way to decline an actionable deed that is against what you think. In every other sense, it comes across as a legit action. It progressively becomes a ‘wrong’ when you use it in excess or when you’re thoroughly expected to do something and instead you throw one.

There is no proven theory that can account for losses that come out of giving excuses. There is also no proven theory that estimates the amount of character you lose because you give excuses. If you excuse me with these fancy data estimates, all that an excuse does at any moment is that it scales down a human’s thinking to a whole new low.

When you give an excuse to your folks, your boss, your colleagues, your friends, your maid, your watchman, your laundry guy, your milkman, your Amazon delivery guy — you’re judged low, you’re perceived as someone who’s running away from what is expected out of you.

Is this wrong? Maybe yes, maybe no! Depends on that situation.

Is that right? Absolutely not, because it kills a conversation. It disrupts the existing vibe between two human souls. It initiates detrimental thinking about that excuse owner in your head.

But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be used. Of course, you can excuse yourself from a boring conversation, from letting you pass through a human clutter, to gain somebody’s attention as and when required. These are subtle forms of excuses that would be ideal, if in abundance.

The problem is with the ones which come in a long-form statement and which is thought through. That can spoil any given moment to even be framed as life-destructive. Go back to your history books and check the number of civilizations that went down, the wars that were fought, the human thinking that evolved due to these very excuses.

Honestly, you don’t have to do anything big as mentioned above. Just keep chilling, and hear out what somebody has to say, not just those words coming out of their mouth, but take a minute to think why that concerned person is saying so. If it very well falls out of your thinking bandwidth, only then can you deliver an excuse which is termed a ‘good excuse’.

Beyond just thinking of an excuse, try thinking about why somebody’s aligning you with an action, it might save you loads and loads of relationships and goodwill.

After all, I am an excuse and I do not wish to love my existence.

Now, just check all of the above, you may term some of them as ‘absurd’. But, If I was recognized, an elite in this world, *drum rolls* I just introduced a series of perceptions.

My problem ain’t with the perception that’s build over solid research, excessive experiments judging the repercussions on human behavioral dynamics et cetera. My problem is with perceptions that are just built over because somebody/a group of people thought so that it would be right.

It hardly takes seconds/minutes/hours/not weeks for perception to become a reality. An unsaid truth that’ll reach the corners of this planet as a mandate or as a genuine way of life. Everything that we live with is a perception. Ok! Let’s make it more philosophical — Everything that we communicate with our senses to the world is a perception. This bugger’s writing this piece because his brain perceives this as one of the strongest mediums to reach out to the world. Maybe the world reads it, maybe just 2 people read it — One him and the other… (let’s not get there :p) — Point being, he picked up from the world around him that something like this exists and hence started practicing the same. Similarly, your brain’s active enough to scout every molecule around you.

You judge things and subsequently build a perception.

Focus on that word — Judge. Apart from that classic dictionary meaning, humans judge the world around them. Your senses are programmed to perceive, analyze, and react towards everything around you. Do you realize even you’re equally responsible about setting up rules on this planet? Things you say, things you believe in, things you expect from the world — it’s all building the very civilization that we live in.

And with this comes a heavy responsibility, such that it becomes so so so important for us to defer between the good, the bad, the right, the wrong. In fact, even these are just jargons that let you believe in a certain direction.

All that I mean for you is to perceive, analyze and react towards things that’ll be more constructive towards your well-being and for the larger good of the world you live in. No matter there might be a difference of opinion, your right might be wrong to the world and vice-a-versa. What’s more important is to maintain the legitimacy of your perception that contributes towards peace and harmony of the very world you live in.

Pick out history books and see how perceptions have shaped your society, your world. The same place where you’ll wake up tomorrow to start a fresh week. By the way, why the ‘fresh week’ funda? Why can’t you operate 20 days a month and 10 days off? See there? Every single thing you follow in reality is a perception built by someone, somewhere & at some time in the world. Of course, the above example makes sense because you work 5/6 days a week and then take a day off. Hence, it was a sensible reality to opt for. But, on the flip side think of those perceptions that were made and the realities you hate that were made out of them. And more alarmingly, the perceptions you’re building every day for yourself will be a reality sooner than you think.

So, What to do?

I’d say nothing. And I say nothing because you can’t subconsciously control this process. There are more than 1000 things you perceive on an average every day and you don’t have a microprocessor fit in your head to robotically act as per a certain defined logic. But, what you really can do is process these perceptions in a much smarter way. Think about that premise before you land on a conclusion. Think about the larger good of the world you live in, the way everybody could live in peace, and something that makes your world a happy place to be in.

After all, I am perception and I do wish to hate my existence.

The above statements compiled together are an ideal version of me. Like the filmy or bookish or TV commercial version of what I might look like. But you know what — you breathe me, you imbibe me even when you’re far asleep. You’d always look at the world through my eyes, always. Even if you don’t want to. I am an expectation, I hate my existence.

Just focus on that word up there — ‘want’ — the root cause to why I exist. You literally want the world when you start building an expectation. You’d be lying to yourself if you say you don’t want anything. It’s absolutely natural for any human to be wanting their desires but things go south when these desires might or might not fall into one’s personal capacity or intent. It’s a different process altogether if that same human needs to pursue those desires are strong enough.

Focus on the other word now — ‘need’ — the root cause of why I should exist. You work more ardently towards a goal when you need to fulfill your own/someone’s expectations. You would be more holistic in building your expectations because you precisely know your ‘need’. Immaterial to whether it happens or falls flat, the way your build an expectation would keep you smelling the soil. Honestly, I really like me when I am need-based than want-based. Let me explain this to you better -

I want to wake up early. I need to wake up early because I need to work out.

I want to start a business. I need to start a business because I know this bloody well.

I want to plan a date. I need to because even she’d love to (:p)

I want to stop drinking. I need to stop drinking because I feel weak and dizzy

I want to buy that car. I need to buy that car because I can afford it

See the difference? The want-based expectations are so much just in the air without any landing plan but the need-based ones have perfectly dwelled in your zone. Like something that has a defined reason, the ‘because’, that aligns you for an action you can completely manage and you are totally assured that it would see the finish line.

Now, take a moment of silence for this planet where 99% of you function with ‘want’ based expectations. And this exactly is the root cause of even the slightest ‘low’ that you feel in your day/life. I shouldn’t blame you. Why? Because you’re programmed to be this way. Why? Because that’s how you’re ancestors were poised. Why? Because even the first humans wanted to explore the world without a well-defined need :p

Now for a civilization that was based on the want perspective, the use of the word ‘need’, just a couple of times up there, won’t change your life overnight. But if you’re sane enough, you’d totally get what I mean. To sum it all, I can either motivate you or get you from being low to depressed.

Choose me wisely. Build me after you think. Krishna has had many nightmares :p This bugger’s now completely aware of what I mean and how I can screw someone so bad!

The point being, If you want me then you may talk to your hand! But if you need me, I am here to be fulfilled!

After all, I am an expectation and I do not wish to hate my existence.

There’s been this century-old debate on whether I am a preferable or an avoidable entity. Well, I feel everyone’s just wasted their time over this argument. Why? Because I arrive at my own purview. Let’s say I am divine. I’d bug you when I feel like it. I’d tweak the way you feel. I’d be your moment killer. I’d make you think. Well, not just think but also create a sustained impact on your thinking. Maybe it will change you forever — subconsciously. And this is inversely proportional to your mental strength. If you’re a sorted personality (in your head :p) — I’ll destroy you. If you’re a confused personality (again, in your head :p) — I’ll feed you with confusion. Technically, I am the only emotion that can break or make you, always, yet unknown to you. And all the above #Gyaan, mostly, would be a complete bouncer to you. Why? because you never ever thought about me!

Let’s say, no human ever said — “I hate nostalgia!”

From a dog lover who spots a breed he/she once owned to even the most powerful man on your planet, an Ex-POTUS, while he (Alas! No ‘she’ yet :p) passes by the White House would feel me. Now, the most vital thing here is what you feel next, like immediately after you feel me. Meaning, the moment you feel nostalgia followed by how you channelize your thoughts would literally define my utility. And what bugs me the most is humans often tend to be sad and emotionally agile followed by a wild swing into that ‘I miss this so much’ feel, in other words — SULK.

‘SULK’ — isn’t this a depressing word? Of course, you’d second me here. But in reality, we all SULK to a level we can’t imagine. I’ll say it again — SULK. Like S.U.L.K.

The reason why you read this word so many times is because you are totally virgin to the idea of how pathetic this emotional drug is and how it can spoil your moment/hour/minute/day/year/life. No matter if you had the best of me — you meet an old friend, visit your old city. The one cornered thought in your head would persistently say — ‘Shit! It was so good back then!’, in other words — SULK (sorry! Last time). Since you’ve experienced me, a neuron in your brain has R.I.P.ed and it would consistently create a snowball effect R.I.P.ing at multiple fronts. Literal meaning: A bad nostalgic moment is way better than a good nostalgic moment.

A bad nostalgic moment would make you sad for that moment. But it would never create an urge for you to create that moment again (Unless you’re Ranbir Kapoor from ‘Ae Dil Hai Mushkil’ — Amen!) which is still healthy. While, a good nostalgic moment would instantly create an urge for you to replicate that moment again because it made you happy at that moment and you strongly believe that it will make you happy again — which is so so so so so wrong!

Why?

Think about it this way — Imagine you happen to bump into or converse with your Ex-lover, 99% of the times you’d say — ‘Shit! I miss him/her’. 99% of the time you’d circulate a subtle to strong thought in your head — ‘Can we be together again?’

This thought my friend is the ‘WRONG’ I mentioned above. Because you’d start feeling every emotion associated with it failing to realize that situations and circumstances change every second (forget your timeframe of association). You can’t expect someone to be in the same emotional reference from your past. And if you expect this to be true, then please read the next blog on expectations coming week :p

Your world evolves every moment, so do you! And you can never ever ever ever EXACTLY replicate a situation/an equation — ever again. You ‘move on’ with life. The frequency with which you say this phrase ‘move on’ to yourself and others — just try imbibing it for real — once and your world would be such a happy place.

Anyways, Krishnakant’s promised me he’d just feel me (because he can’t avoid me, for that matter even you) and let it go! This bugger now understands how badly and subtly I can kill someone’s routine. And not just him, but even you should avoid taking me for granted.

After all, I am a nostalgic moment and I do not wish to love my existence.

This split-second contact, my friend, has delivered 1000 emotions. Now, You’re charmingly alert. You’re adorably nervous. You hang around. Your eyes are still ignorant to them. Your mind is racing to gauge how well you were acknowledged. You’re unclear, but your mind is clear of its demand. You drive a second contact. A failed attempt is the end of the story. But but but, a successful one will change you forever. You see curiosity. You breathe confidence. You smell a new beginning. This second contact will not let you sleep that night, positively. You’d reimagine the scene and embellish multiple theories of what this contact meant, a delightful analysis, backed with a playlist that helps to maintain the feel. You might have your own ways to describe this, like a flashy feeling of an obsessively strong, full of heart attraction.

I felt it first when I was 16. And every time I think about it or you think about yours, you’d have a smile on your face. We’ve all felt it, once. Some of us, multiple times. But what happens from here is absolutely subjective to each of the 7.6 billion people of earth. Some of us will give up pursuing this attraction. Some of us will not only pursue this attraction but also breathe their last together. And most of us will live between the above two situations.

There is so much written about love, the process, the situations, the associated emotions, et cetera. I ain’t a scholar (of this subject) to put forward another philosophy or theory. Rather, I just wish to voice out a simple question — Why does this most craved feeling often dwell into the most complicated of all?

Think about it! Many of us quote, “It’s complicated.” — Why? I love someone. That Someone loves me. And we live happily together. Simple right? What’s the complication buddy?

Love ain’t complicated, we make it complicated. Here’s why:

Case 1 — Clarity of thought: I love someone, but…

Whatever comes after that ‘but’ in all practical senses should immediately stop you from pursuing this love anymore. However, we tend to solve for this ‘but’. If you find your answers, there won’t be any ‘but’, Kudos!. Though many a time, we live & fight this ’but’ way too long, and it still remains unanswered. Sorry! It ain’t helping your cause. It’s like I love coffee but I am allergic to caffeine. I love coffee, but I can’t sleep after it. I love coffee but the kind I like ain’t available here. What does all of it mean? You can opt for tea, soda et cetera. But, as human minds we’d still try fighting the allergy, trying to sleep, and developing a taste for the available one. It ain’t wrong, you might succeed. Although, currently, skipping it will make your life much simpler, ain’t it?

Case 2 — Effortless: I love someone. That someone loves me. but…

This is the most prominent situation of all (for me, personally). The ‘but’ here affects your life, your career, your ambitions. Because it’s this moment of truth that decides how well you marry into the idea of companionship (a word, I was lately confronted with). Honestly, only if the ‘but’ solves itself effortlessly, on its own, will sort your life. You two will be a force like no other. However, if it doesn’t, then you’d hit a lag that is impossible to overcome, forget defying it. It’s like I love coffee, coffee loves me, but I am allergic, but I can’t sleep after it, but the kind I like ain’t available here. If you can effortlessly overcome the allergy, effortlessly intake coffee in morning hours, effortlessly choose another drink — then, consider yourself to be the luckiest on this planet. But if you’re feeling the allergy again & again, you’re living with insomnia, you’re compromising your coffee taste, then I think it’s just in good spirits to move on, however difficult it might seem now.

Case 3 — Unconditional: I love someone. That someone loves me. We live happily together. but….

Again, whatever comes after that ‘but’ will never ever solve for its own. In fact, it becomes the most important element that will dissolve your love, eventually. The most important aspect of human behavior is co-existence. We’re trained to co-exist, subconsciously, the day we’re born. Our most favorite co-existing humans are not the ones who make you comfortable but the ones you’re always comfortable with, irrespective of how they are. There isn’t a single human who’s perfect and apt with his/her deeds. We’re all flawed in some or another way. If you love someone unconditionally, you won’t find flaws, rather you’d find-correct them for your partner and vice-versa. I love coffee, coffee loves me, we enjoyed each other’s company but now I am allergic, but now I can’t sleep after that, but now the kind I like ain’t available here. You can expect these to solve on their own. As long as Coffee & I love each other, unconditionally, I will only have the decaffeinated one now, I won’t drink one with less than 8 hours to sleep, I will import an annual stock of the coffee I like. There is nothing more special than two people in love going out of their way to make it work.

Love is special. Love is rare. Love is real. Love is influential. I don’t believe it is complicated at all if we seek clarity of thought, make it work effortlessly, and pursue it unconditionally. Trust me, it owns the power to make you the happiest, the strongest living being on this planet, what are you waiting for?

After all, I am love and I only wish to love my existence.

For now, these lovelies below will help me remember my love. Happy Valentines Day :)

Now, take this imagination a step ahead and address the larger elephant in the room — the career/passion side of the spectrum. Actually, the reference bit did wonders for you when you were a teenager like when you were super expressive about what you wish to do when you’d be a big man/woman, and this wish might change several times basis how well you’re exposed to the world. But as you come of age and choose your *drum rolls* destiny (this is such a heavy word), most of us just want to live by it every day, just like a pillion rider.

Just like a pillion rider, most of us are sailing through heavy traffic expecting to reach a certain destination, a destination that might or might not resonate with your ‘super expressive’ teenage vows. And to be fair, while this is an easy statement to make, we all have every reason in the world to be that pillion rider.

Let’s begin with societal influence. The world’s functioning in a certain way, as reprimanded by our ancestors and destined by a handful influencers and go-getters. But beyond lauding those influencers and go-getters, their will and achievement to be where ever they stand, do we really build ourselves or think through about being one of them? Hell yeah, we do! We rigorously think about this 24x7, we think about how we’d function if we were in that position and most importantly how we’d correct the ‘wrong’ that they are up to. Alas! Not a lot of us go beyond just ‘thinking’ about it.

Why?

A beautiful phrase called ‘Comfort zone’. Heard about it? Of course, you crave for it. It’s always good to be in your ‘comfort zone’. But not when you live in that cocoon forever. And especially if you’re comfortable being a pillion rider. It clearly isn’t letting you explore what you could actually achieve in your life. Not that you know how far you could go with this ‘achievement’ bit but I strongly believe every individual can rule the world, i.e. if they really want to!

A couple of years back, I had this experience where I was asked to cherish my comfort zone. Like when I raised an opinion about attempting an unconventional effort within the industry I work for which is not what we usually adhere to, I was called an ‘opportunist’ and a simple question that I failed to answer — ‘what is my intent?’

Now, these people ain’t wrong when they call me one. Of course, I am an opportunist. Why wouldn’t I be one? When you see there is scope for something to be done which was never attempted before, why wouldn’t you call it out? Wouldn’t that let you take the rider seat? Wouldn’t that let you build yourself a new experience for the world you live in and of course your own self?

Aaah! But there’s no point ranting about it. Eventually, all that matters is what you’ve actually done… They say the journey is important. I’d say it is important when you’re on a vacation :p

All that matters is 1. Objective and 2. Objective Achieved. Anything in between is important but would not really matter in the end. Disclaimer: ‘Anything in-between’ should always be within the legal spectrum and you shouldn’t adhere to wrong practices.

Try thinking beyond what the world is thinking right now. 99 out of 100 times it might be weird, repressive, and herculean. But 1 out of 100 times it’s going to give you an expression of a lifetime.

After all, I am a pillion rider and I do not wish to love my existence.

Irrespective of your age, gender, caste, creed, belief, or financial capabilities, the moment you’re scheduled to attend an Indian wedding, your cranium cites excitement and a certain ‘look forward to’ feels. It doesn’t matter in what capacity you’re involved in this event. Maybe it’s your sibling’s, maybe your relative’s, maybe your friend’s sibling’s or maybe your month old colleague’s cousin’s — the point is you’re on the list, and you know what all to expect — from jazzy food to dressing up, from chance (if a bachelor) to dance. However, weddings are not just a mix of jazz and contemplation, endless foot-tapping music, or lavish cuisines, it has a larger than life fact that follows through.

The wedding scene isn’t just a camouflaged show of culture. Imagine, there are 29 different states, over 4500 cultures, and with every region comes a different way of ceremonies, a celebration to the minutest level of cohesive behavior. Things like a bride/groom’s movement restrictions to exact color of your wardrobe to the varied number of days in the ceremony to the importance of relatives and their roles during the procession, all this takes it to a different level of chaos. But trust me, this good chaos, better than any other level of chaos you’d find in your lives again, the chaos that you literally prepare for, chaos that’s considered the most sacred in the Indian culture, the way we all brag about it. And nothing forbidden comes without a struggle! Trust me, this is a real struggle, like the kind of effort people put in to get the right essence of chivalry and understand the proximity of what and how things go wrong within minutes… it’s all insane. But one thing that we ought to think about is how lives would change starting this very day, something that remains exclusive to the one who’s actually getting married!

And when I claim this change, it goes beyond changing the way you live, the way you wake up and cook breakfast, the way you prioritize your day, the way you schedule your evenings, maybe even the way you choose your consumer goods :p (these views are exclusive to me, might be completely different for you…)

The point being, marriage is not just about that one day when you look your best, behave in the soberest way, greet 1000’s of your cohesive well wishers, or end up being the last one to grab a bite. Marriage is an initiation to a new way of life, something that needs a certain adaptation, a new partnership that pretty much defines how you shape up the rest of your lives. And it’s so important that one is extremely ready to pursue these changes, that one would sense the upcoming iterations to build the required social, mental, financial (*add more similar responsible words) balance. Basically, you’re cent percent ready and prepped up in your head to execute this assignment and forever live with it :p

Well, I do not wish to even talk about love or arrange marriages and the entire dynamics that follow within each of them respectively. My point is exclusively about that change from ticking ‘bachelor’ to ‘married’ in your identity information. And to me or most of us, this saga starts in the early/mid-’20s. That one Sunday afternoon/evening, when your folks would subtly put this question in your head, at times even relatives act as a catalyst. 99% of the time we’re taken aback and the response is to be a ‘rebel without a cause’.

As life happens, the age of ambiguity picks up, and no matter how sorted you are, between the age of 22 to 29 (I don’t know if it exists beyond 29, I am yet to experience it), there is a certain level of restlessness that we all face. Might be a career, might be personal, might be academic, we basically fast track our process to be something, to be someone that you really want yourself to be. And in some cases, it keeps changing quite often. And while we all fight this ‘chase your aim’ battle, suddenly, the marriage phenomenon and its co-related ambiance infiltrate your environment. From ‘You should get married now’ to ‘Shouldn’t you be married now?’…

And what follows is a snowball effect of societal influx. The influence is so high, right from your friends getting married to your maid’s insisting your mom for you to get married to your social media shouting marriage (pre-during-post engagement/wedding, single/multi-angle, close up/wide, candid/generic, s/he’s the one photos and videos) to newly married neighbors to ‘only couple’ lounge entries, et cetera. Probably, the world around you signals F.O.M.O. to you.

Marriages are beautiful and an important act that is a part of your ‘chase to aim’, to live a balanced life which everyone should pursue. Yes! I believe in it.

v/s

Marriages are wonderful but a mandated act that is independent of your ‘chase to aim’ and should be pursued because you’re aging. Sorry! That’s a clean bouncer.

Like we all learn driving and one day we realize we’re fit to drift on the road. Like we all eat the world and one day we realize we need to be fit to live healthily. Like we all are mentored by someone and one day we’re aligned to mentor someone. Similarly, there will be one Sunday when my folks, my relatives, my maid would be the happiest when I address the elephant in the room and start pre-booking the necessities :p

“As they say, marriages are made in heaven. I would love to believe marriages are also scheduled in heaven and if I could schedule it. There will be a day that I’d be convinced to acknowledge and practice it. And personally, for me, that day will be coming soon!” — At least that’s how I attempt to convince my folks. What follows from them is a tapli (a hand’s palm slowly hitting the lower back of your head, primarily in case of disagreement of a view by this act’s initiator) that I get from them.

After all, I wish to experience wedding shenanigan, but for now, the below view awaits :)

Collectively, both on the receiver's end and on the donor’s end of these thoughts, I am a mandatory feel. To begin with, I am a strong feeling which nobody demands subconsciously. We all call out, “He/She has so much ego”, But, we’d never say it aloud, “I have so much ego.”

And why would you? You’d add this in your resume — “I own Ego”, Will you? These are subtle emotions that you wouldn’t want to be vocal about. And it hardly matters to me because I am omnipresent! None of you can survive without me. I get you to think high about yourself, I get you to think all full of yourself. I am ego, I love my existence.

To analyze my journey within you, the only time you’re deprived of me is when you were born. You never had a problem with the medic team that introduced you to the world, in fact, you were grateful to them. Henceforth, if you weren’t fed on time, you’d start crying which in the subconscious sense means you ain’t happy with the situation. And with other friends of mine called ‘ignorance’, ‘jealousy’ you’d subtly imbibe my existence.

As you grow up and as you’re introduced to the rules of your world, the ‘me’ within you gains a momentary spike. When you start analyzing the world around you, seek what’s around you, it is so natural that you’re influenced by my closest friend ‘desire’. The more you pursue it, the more I flourish within you and by the time you’re a complete grown-up, I have established myself on multiple fronts, just choosing situations to bug you, leaving you stressed, anxious blah blah.

Just think for a minute if I weren’t a part of your life. In this case, on the merrier side, you’d always have a beginner’s mindset, you’d be virgin to the word ‘offense’, you’d always be a student, you’d leave entitlement on the door, you’d be in your cocoon satisfied with your world — always. On the contrary, on the darker side, you’d be deceived of competition, the idea of challenging your self unless offended, you’d never fight for yourself, you’d never go that extra mile to prove it to somebody, you’d never realize what recognition (and allied feelings) would mean. Either way, I am like a piece of sugar you can’t ignore. You’d curb it to lose weight or feel less diabetic but you’d equally crave it. You’d find alternatives and consume it yet you’d know the original feel of consumption can never be replaced.

But one should remember that the ones who ignore it to the fullest are the fittest, both physically and mentally. What matters the most here is the ‘control on your craving’. Knowing when to ignore, how to ignore — persistently and dedicatedly is what stands super-duper important.

This is exactly how I exist. One can claim it in whisker — ‘I got no Ego’. But to maintain this line of thought is what matters the most. The way you shun me off in every such situation where you crave my existence. And the only way you could do this is when you place your motive, your ambition, your purpose, your passion… all of this — above you. It seems ‘an easy to deliver’ sort of a statement but trust me it takes so much to get this adhered to within your lives.

If you’d focus on this line above, ‘Always have a beginner’s mindset’. Think about it, if you never knew more than others or at least behave so, even if you did, I’d be deprived on both ends. And trust me I am such a vicious feeling that you can’t deny me unless you start denying it within yourself. If you think that you’d give up your ego only when the world is free of it then I am immortal within you and the world.

Having an ego can deliberately mean self-respect which ain’t bad Sir/Madame. The problem is when you add the word ‘hurt’ to it. That’s when we could stop playing the image game and focus on a higher purpose. That’s how you’d win over me. Krishna’s learning it day by day. I’ve punished him so badly in the past that he’s kept me far from even living by his side. Today, I see him so content and happy. I wish you’d have this similar stint soon.

After all, I am ego and I do not wish to love my existence.