There is so much mystery and secrecy surrounding the contents of a woman’s purse, and all the conflicting advice makes it awfully confusing for women to know what the essentials are they will need. Luckily I am here to list the 10 most important things every woman should be carrying with her in her day-to-day life!

1. Red lipstick. Now remember ladies, you must wear this 24/7 or you will never find a husband.
2. A compact mirror. Use this to check that your lipstick is okay and to watch attractive men behind you on public transport.
3. A locked safe with tampons inside. This will ensure that they will not fall out of your bag and scare off any potential husbands.
4. A smaller purse full of scorpions. This can be a great conversation starter at parties or tinder dates.
5. A photo of your high school boyfriend and his new wife. That could have been you if you didn’t break up with him to go to college.
6. A list of all the men who never called you back. Give yourself a reality check if you start to feel any form of self confidence.
7. Enough money to quickly travel to your college ex-boyfriend’s hometown. You never know when he might call asking for another chance.
8. A wedding dress. Eventually some man will take pity on you and agree to get married.
9. Five bottles of wine. You never know when you might need one, or all five.
10. The pistol that killed Alexander Hamilton. You need to carry some form of weapon to protect yourself and I mean, you know this one works.

Isobel is a final year English Literature and History student in the UK. She is also on twitter and instagram.

10 Items Every Woman Should Always Carry In Her Purse was originally published in Lady Pieces on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.