I was a delegate for Bernie Sanders to the 2016 Democratic National Convention. I represented Missouri’s 2nd Congressional District. I’ve been mulling over what I wanted to say in regards to my experience at the DNC. Although my thoughts on the convention continue to develop, I do have two critiques about the convention pertaining to the representation of the delegates and the DNC’s “unity” narrative.

Representation:

45% of the pledged delegates (i.e. delegates that represent the people) were pledged to Bernie Sanders at 2016 Democratic National Convention. 1,846 delegates had pledged their votes and support to the ideals, policies, and values espoused by Senator Sanders. Is it crazy to expect the speeches to reflect those 1,846 delegates and the 13 million Americans who voted for them (especially when there’s such a big push for “unity”)? I asked that question to a Slate reporter who was interviewing me. She replied, “Isn’t this convention really for Hillary?” Well, that’s the problem. The Democratic Party shouldn’t just be for Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, or Bernie Sanders — it’s supposed to be for the people.

It’s hard to have true unity when you are not accurately representing a large chunk of your constituency. But this did not stop the DNC from continually pushing a narrative based on “unity” for the entire four days of the convention.

Unity:

Do you think sincere “unity”, sincere “love” can be scripted? When you have a disagreement with someone close to you, do you both just agree to forget the disagreement and continue on as if nothing happened? There’s plenty of examples one can think of that illustrate what true unity is and isn’t, but the best example I have is of what my state’s U.S. Senator, Claire McCaskill, did on the third day of the convention. See the below press release:

That is what the beginnings of true unity looks like. That is what Sanders delegates and supporters from across the country would have rather seen and been a part of. It’s not easy and it’s not perfect but it is a sincere first step.

There’s plenty of other examples of how the DNC didn’t walk the walk when it came to unity, such as not allowing Sanders surrogate, Nina Turner, to speak on Tuesday, or keeping Sanders volunteers off the convention floor…but really, with or without the behind-the-back tactics, the show for unity was hollow at best.

So, are people still skeptical about “unity” and Secretary Clinton? Yes, we are still skeptical. It’s hard not to be when she picked Tim Kaine as VP even though he has stances that do not align with progressives (or even Clinton herself in some cases). Her surrogates on the platform committee fought to make sure we didn’t have wording that denounced the TPP — even though she has changed her position to now being against the TPP. And of course, there’re the DNC emails that were leaked, which show some very clear bias for Clinton’s Campaign — which was something Sanders was suspicious of and called out back in April. So yes, many Sanders supporters are still reluctant to support Hillary, and I do not blame them.

I also do not blame Sanders supporters (or Sanders himself) who have agreed to vote for Hillary in November. This is not betraying your values the same as driving a gasoline-powered car, shopping at Wal-Mart, enjoying the comfort of A/C, being an entrepreneur, eating at Chik-Fil-A, etc. are not betraying environmentalist values, anti-consumption values, humanist values, or socialist values.

Being an American means living with an ever-present cognitive dissonance that stems from the contradictions of our lifestyle — and the more privilege you have the greater the cognitive dissonance you must acknowledge. The goal is not to be “pure” or “perfect” but rather to continually push for justice and equality. We all choose which contradictions , which sources of dissonance, we can bear and to what extent (some of us choose to ignore them — which is never a good idea). These differences in contradictions are also our strength and solidarity — they are our movement.

Rosario Dawson, a Sanders supporter, said it best in this video (also linked above).

The different reasons that they loved him [Sanders], is also fueling the different motivations to go in other directions. So some people are going full Green, some are Bernie or Bust, some are going to write his name in, some people aren’t going to vote at all, some people are going to vote for Trump, some people are going to vote for Hillary. You know it’s a very wide group of people from all across the States. So what’s interesting is that they were all able to come under the umbrella of him [Sanders].

Just as Sanders earned the votes of millions of Americans, Hillary will have to do the same.

Personally, I see Trump as a threat too great to ignore. It’s easy for me to say I simply “won’t vote” because a Trump presidency may very well have little to no effect on my life. But I’m not poor, I’m not Muslim, and I’m not an immigrant.(But, I may be affected by the bigotry he has validated across the country). I haven’t completely decided yet, but it is very likely I will be voting for Hillary Clinton in November — but it won’t be for me, but rather those who would be the most vulnerable to a four-year presidency rooted in authoritarianism, bigotry, and fear.

This quote from an article by Ta-Nehisi Coates (that was actually criticizing Hillary) sums up my feelings pretty well:

This is not a brief for staying home, because such a thing doesn’t actually exist. In the American system of government, refusing to vote for the less-than-ideal is a vote for something much worse. Even when you don’t choose, you choose. But you can choose with your skepticism fully intact. You can choose in full awareness of the insufficiency of your options, without elevating those who would have us forget into prophets. You can choose and still push, demanding more.

And speaking of making a choice while still pushing and demanding more, Jane Sanders said in an interview with Rolling Stone (which I highly recommend reading), that her Bernie are going to do just that:

[Tearing up] We did everything we could, but we didn’t win. And they were so sad about it. People have been making it sound like they’re mad, and they should just get over it. No they shouldn’t! They shouldn’t just get over it! What do you expect? How do you turn on a dime? We understand that. We understand that we earned their support and their trust. Now Hillary Clinton has to earn their support and their trust. And we will hold [the Clinton campaign] accountable because we are endorsing her. We are that much more committed to making sure [she follows through on her promises], instead of saying,Oh, it’s politics as usual, people change. We’re not going to let that happen. Not without a big fight, if anything. If the Democratic Party starts backing away from the platform, ever, we will fight like crazy to support the work that all of these millions of people did.

While most of what I said above was critical of my week in Philly, I did leave feeling inspired and empowered to become more involved in the politics of my community, county, and state. Luckily, Sanders doesn’t plan on stepping back from the political revolution he helped catalyze. He has created two new organizations (the Sanders Institute and Our Revolution ) which will help continue what he’s accomplished in the past couple years.

The Sanders Institute will focus on elevating issues and ideas — through media and documentaries — that Sanders said the “corporate media” fails to focus on, including the disappearing middle class, “massive” income inequality, horrific levels of poverty and problems affecting seniors and children.

Sanders said Democrats’ loss of about 900 state legislative seats in nearly eight years tells him a strong grass-roots movement is needed to get people to run for office and to show them how — from getting on the ballot to running TV ads. Our Revolution, a 501(c)(4) political organization, will work with several progressive groups to train and vet candidates.

It’s very easy to become disillusioned about the government if you only focus on the national stage. But in reality, the politics that affect everyday Americans are often much closer to home.

Stay informed, stay engaged.