We need to bring civility back instead of making insults, derogatory comments, and name calling the new normal.

Listen to my new episode where I discuss the power of language in this political world. And how screens don’t protect you from the reaction from the real world.

Check to see if you have two-factor authentication

Check to see who can see your posts

Check to see your Ad preferences (this is a very interesting section on how Facebook Targets advertisments to you.)

Check to see if your friends list is private or public

We learned a lot about Facebook this past week. One, that privacy is STILL an issue. And, we learned many people like United States senators miunderstand Facebook’s place in the online world. this week’s episode takes a look at questioning how to define Facebook and to ask ourselves — are we also to blame for being disillusioned with the notion of online privacy?

Tea with Dr. J Episode 3

Roseanne’s reboot success says a lot about what is missing in Hollywood — civility. Listen to my thoughts about how Hollywood has maufactred the uncivil behavior seen in our daily lives.

Listening is a lost art. And it took a 30 minute sitcom for us to have a nationwide AHA moment.

As always, I invite you to sit down with a cup of tea, and an open mind. And, this week think about how the media has affected civility in America.

These ideologies about celebrity are bleeding into our political world… if a politician is not well-known–they might not stand a chance.

But, if you put a household name on the ballot, name recognition–not achievement will win. If Oprah did choose to run for president–her name recognition alone would make her President of the United States.I would feel sorry for her opponent.

Welcome to my new podcast, Tea with Dr. J. My new podcast will talk about politics, social media, and journalism. I have always been an academic who analyzes current events. I love to think differently about our world to better understand it.

I also like to teach and coach people over social media best practices as well as how to brand yourself as a thought leader.

Episode 1 talks about Facebook and the data breach. I try to understand Facebook’s impact through visionary Neil Postman. In 1993, he prepared us for the change and chaos we are seeing today. Let’s remember Facebook is still new and we had no idea the impact Facebook would have on society ten years ago.

My podcast invites you to sit back with a cup of tea, open your mind, and think about how technology has changed your life.

I wrote an article last week titled Time, Patience and Happiness: Tips on surviving a Job Loss. After I published that article, a weird, yet inspiring chance meeting in a doctor’s waiting room inspired me to write this article and to continue to document my unemployment journey.

Since I’ve been unemployed, I have found comfort in finding inspiration and signs that good things are on their way. There are not many days the universe sends in reinforcements in a doctor’s waiting room.

Last week, I was at the cardiologist with my Dad. First visit. Nothing serious (I hope). At first, I wasn’t going to go with him and decided to go at the last minute.

When we arrived, I entered the very small waiting room and I noticed a well-dressed older black gentleman sitting on the couch. Black fedora hat, white shiny shirt, dress pants, sparkly shoes — topping it off with dark sunglasses.

I sat down in one of the chairs across from my Dad. After a few minutes, I nod to the mystery man and he says, “You look like you love to read. You are a reader.”

Yes, I am! Especially since I have almost finished all 13 novels by Louise Penny in record time. I devour books.

“Yes, I do, you’re very perceptive.” I pulled out my eBook reader to show him. He told me that his father was a pastor and would read to him and his siblings. He said, his father wanted to give them the essence of the knowledge so they could build integrity in their lives. Once I told him I was professor (I didn’t tell him I was unemployed), he said that is why you glow. You have purpose. You share your integrity.

He continued to tell me about his philosophy on why readers have a lot of integrity. He then said I glowed with purpose and, “I can tell by the end of the year great things will come your way. Great things will happen to you.”

The mystery man continued to say, “I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe every person we run into is already set in time and place.”

I jokingly said, “How did you know I lost my job?” Knowing he had no idea I needed to hear this message at this time in of all places a cardiologist’s office. I had been struggling all day to try to put into perspective a job opportunity I feel less than enthusiastic about.

The older lady across the room (the waiting room was small — bedroom size) and she yelled after overhearing I was unemployed, “WHEN YOU LOSE A JOB THAT MEANS A BETTER ONE IS ON ITS WAY.” (Later, she also told me Meryl Streep and Robert Redford married after years of a torrid affair. When I told her she read fake news — she said NO, I read it on Facebook!)

I looked at them both and said, “Wow, this is like group therapy.”

The funny part is — my dad was not listening. The mystery man was talking very low and I knew my dad with his lack of hearing had no idea what we discussed.

Mystery man said he could tell great things are going to happen to me. He repeated I have the energy of great integrity and I glow. You have purpose. Then he said when you have a diamond it’s hard and resilient unlike glass that is breakable. Both are shiny, but one is fake and the other is natural and indestructible. He said, “You are the diamond. You have a greater purpose.”

His phone rang.

He stood and shook my hand. And said, “This was meant to be. You have purpose.”

He left.

Three words.

1. You
2. Have
3. Purpose

Wow… powerful words.

An AHA moment.

I’ve thought about the mystery man since that brief encounter. One of my friends asked, “Did you follow him out of the room to see if he vanished?”

I was too afraid.

The words haunt you.

You

Have

Purpose

Are words I will never forget.

When you are unemployed, you often wonder “What is my purpose?” You feel as if people didn’t see your purpose. You feel as if you lost purpose.

Since that day, I thought deeply about those three words. Concentrating on how much power those three words have.

You (you’ve had it all along).

Have (you own your purpose).

Purpose (more than a job).

I have a Ph.D. I love my research. For ten years, this job gave me purpose.

I mentored students, I thrived on my student’s successes and their AHA moments. These moments proved my purpose.

I also knew I had my own purpose outside of the classroom. My research led me to the White House, The State Department, media interviews — all to help people better understand social media. These experiences allowed me to share my purpose.

Now that I am unemployed — what is my purpose?

I looked over at my Dad. I have purpose.

I thought about my book I’m writing. I have purpose.

I think about my friends. I have purpose.

I realized I have more purpose than JUST being a professor.

You

Have

Purpose

You have MANY purposes.

As for finding a job? Your gut and heart will find your purpose at the right place, at the right time, with the right people. The conversation I had with mystery man is a lesson.

You have purpose. Believe in yourself. Trust your integrity to guide you to the right place, at the right time, with the right people. You are more than…

Great things will happen because you have purpose.

A job loss feels as if you lost your purpose. Look around. You have purpose. You haven’t lost that purpose. You already HAVE purpose.

A new beginning is scary. And through that fear we lose sight of our purpose. Today, I was reminded that someone saw me. Mystery man saw my purpose without knowing my name.

How many people in your life tell you, “You have purpose?”

Not many right?

Write these three magical words down on a sticky note. Place the notes on your bathroom mirror, your computer screen, your dashboard, your refrigerator — I don’t care! Remind yourself that without a job, YOU HAVE PURPOSE.

Whatever that purpose is — trust your heart and your gut to make the right decisions. Trust that the right place, right time, and right people will enter your life. You have to keep yourself open to everyday inspiration — even if you find that inspiration in the oddest places. Mystery man might be right — there are no coincidences.

Keep your integrity. Keep your grit. Keep your joy.

A job does not define your purpose. Your purpose is you and what you give back to everyone you encounter.

During a hard time, like a job loss, remember NOT to let the situation break you.

Be the diamond.

After almost 11 years teaching at a university as a non-tenured professor, I was laid off. A new dean came with curriculum changes.

Shocked. Yes.

This shock led me into a depression. A contemplative state of mind on “What do I want to do with the rest of my life?” and “Am I a failure?”

Have I figured out my next step?

No.

Kinda.

Sort of.

Then — I realized — I don’t have to have it all figured out. It’s okay to stop and reflect before taking the next step.

No classroom will prepare you for changes in your life like a job loss. Here are some lessons I learned and I hope inspire you to realize that a job loss does not define you.

Grieve

Grieve. Cry. Let all the emotions out. It’s okay if you do. Having to find a new job is SCARY! Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t grieve for what was lost. To move on is to stand still and take in all the emotions you are feeling from the loss. I dedicated 10 years to a job to only be considered number 5 of 7 being laid off. I was told, “Don’t worry, you’re not the only one.”

Being laid off is hurtful, especially when someone does it coldly and without knowing who you are and what you’ve accomplished in the 10 years you’ve been associated with your workplace.

You may go through the 5 stages of grieving: Denial, Anger, Barganing, Depression, and Acceptance.

It’s okay. Feel. Don’t let anyone tell you to move on until you are ready. You will have good days and bad days. I promise you’ll wake up one day realizing what a favor that person did for you. Would I want to go back to my workplace? No. Not after gaining distance from the situation.

Friends

You learn who your friends are during the hard times. Good friends will check on you and make sure YOU are okay. They will listen and will help you.

You may even be surprised WHO reaches out to you. I was. And you may be surprised who does NOT reach out to you.

I reconnected with friends I lost touch with because we were too busy to get together. Life gets busy. But, reconnecting with my friend MaryAnn provided me with new insight into the consulting business. I revised my LinkedIn page to reflect that I am open for business if anyone so chooses to hire me as their social media/communications consultant. I also remembered how much fun MaryAnn and I have when we do get together.

I also learned — colleagues are sometimes colleagues — not friends. (Even though you thought they were)

A good friend once told me, “Not everyone has the same heart as you do.”

Remember that. Not everyone will react to your news and want to be a friend. You need quality friends — not friends of convenience.

You will gain distance from daily work situations to realize some people were never your friends.

At this time — surround yourself with people who energize you — not deflate you.

Time

You have TIME.

Think about that: Time.

Remember when you used to say — I wish I had time to (Fill in the blank).

I have time.

I have time to finish writing my book. I have time to hone my cooking skills. I have time to READ A BOOK for pleasure. I have time to take long walks. I have time to start writing what I want to write about. I have TIME.

One friend, who was also laid off, is redoing her bathroom. She volunteers for the American Red Cross. She also found out she loves to do aerial yoga.

What have I discovered about having so much time? I discovered it’s truly a blessing to stop the rollercoaster ride. Since 2002, I graduated with an M.A. and a Ph.D. My mom passed away all while writing my dissertation and starting the job I was recently laid off from. I created a reputation as a social media and politics expert.

Whew! I am tired.

I am not going to lie — taking a break from the rollercoaster ride of always trying to gain respect is NICE. Let’s all take a deep breath because stressing about my next lecture, or staring at a pile of grading vanished. I have the gift of time — TIME to pursue the academic career that will take me to the next level. Time will tell.

Time to reflect.

Time to nap.

Time to explore my writing.

Time.

Advice and Awkward Comments

As an academic — not many people understand the academic job market. Fall is the academic job season. I was laid off in the Spring with only 6 months to find a job for Fall. I knew I would not be employed by Fall. All you can do is relax.

Academics apply for many academic positions in hopes we rise above the competition. Academic positions are for the following school year. Yes, usually a year out. Academics do not apply, interview, and start the next week. The process takes a while. As an academic you hope you at least get a phone interview.

You do not have to be excited about every job interview, but you owe yourself to explore every opportunity. I tend to become anxious about opportunites I may not want since I have applied to jobs other than academia. As my friend Melissa said, I can always say no thank you.

People have a hard time forming the right response to your situation. Not everyone will agree with your goals and your dreams. Some people may think you are not worthy or qualified to pursue such goals and dreams. What people say to you will sometimes leave you in wonder:

“Oh, you’ll be much happier someplace else, you never really fit in here.” That’s EXACTLY what you want to hear right after you get laid off.

“You should be a social media manager.” I would LOVE to consult, but tweeting for someone else is not why I spent years pursing a Ph.D.

“You can attend mixers to find a job.” No, unemployment office, academics are introverts and usually at home writing.

“You deserve a job where they value you.” Ummm… so I guess you never did value me while I worked with you?

“Don’t broadcast on social media you’re unemployed. People don’t need to see the bad times in your life.” I disagree. Tell people you are unemployed. I pursued possible opportunities because I DID broadcast I was laid off. My next opportuntiy may even be happy that I am available. Don’t underestimate yourself and your worth. A job loss does not define you.

Ignore unsolicited advice and awkward comments. Many people have no idea what they are saying. Friends and family feel uncomfortable because of many reasons — mostly their own insecurities.

The best words of support — “I’m here to listen.” “I’m here for you.” “Let me know if I can help” “Would you like to go to lunch?” “Coffee?” better yet, “Want to go grab pie?”

We want someone to listen — not someone to fix it for us. Just because an unemployed person doesn’t know what their future holds — don’t mistake that for thinking they failed at their last job. We are looking for a bigger and better opportunity. I sometimes do not have the words to express exactly what that job will be. Once grief subsides, grit to succeed settles in — and as a friend — you need to be there to encourage.

Don’t discourage — encourage.

Network

Networking is the greatest tool. I have reached out to folks to say “Hey, any advice for someone looking for a job?”

LinkedIn is your friend. Many academics don’t use LinkedIn (I know I didn’t). I connected with a lot of students, but not other academics. What was I thinking? I thought I was secure at my job. Go ahead — reach out to people in your field. I recommend ALL academics use LinkedIn. Since participating more on LinkedIn, I’ve gained more insight into what happens outside the walls of academia.

I have formed a nice community on LinkedIn. I have connected with university deans, presidents, professors both tenured and non-tenured (a professor is a professor in my opinion). I connected with people who I would love to contact about my research who are in industry. I connected with journalists who interviewed me. I connected with people who have or had my dream jobs, especially those in political communications who once worked at the White House. I managed to collect some hefty contacts.

Do not be afraid to say hi and introduce yourself — either online or offline. The worst case scenario is a possible contact says no. Move on to the next contact.

Most of the people I have reached out to became connections. I contribute to the community by posting on LinkedIn. I want my LinkedIn community to see my name frequently.

Additionally, people reached out to me to ask if I had left my former job. One contact tried to figure out how to hire me.

Social media is a GREAT tool. I am a social media scholar. Of course I’m going to use social media. I tweet on a regular basis. People know my brand on Twitter Dr. Janet Johnson (@janetnews) where I try to make sense of this political climate we live in today. Moreover, I interact with other Twitter users. Be fearless on Twitter, yet civil.

Tweeting connected me to great people. Build a brand-a job loss is NOT going to change your brand. I am still the same academic with the same research agenda when I had a teaching job. I built a reputation, a brand, and a career. No job loss will silence me or take away my dreams.

Moreover, if someone wants to get together and brainstorm with you — do it! I am grateful for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with friends. I have time.

Be Patient

During this time you will have to dig deep within yourself to pull yourself out of feeling like a failure. I found a great article that I didn’t know I needed to read — until I read it: Sandy Peckinpah’s What if Every ‘No’ Meant ‘Not Yet’.

What an aha moment when I read about the concept Kuyashii.

Kuyashii is a Japanese word that stumps translators because it means so much more than the literal word. It’s the emotion you feel when you fail, but that emotion becomes the inspiration to fuel the pursuit of achievement.

It’s the ability to pluck the negative from a devastating experience and transform it into a personal dedication to winning. — Sandy Peckinpah’s What if Every ‘No’ Meant ‘Not Yet’.

The article shares when you come out of feeling like a failure — you will gain the grit to succeed.

I feel as if right now — I have that grit.

I didn’t know how to describe how I felt until I read Sandy Peckinpah’s article.

I have found through this unemployment journey — the universe will lead you to exactly what you need at the right time.

My dear friend Helen, wise beyond her years, gave me a pep talk, “When you stay positive, positive things happen to you. The right opportunity at the right time, with the right people, at the right place will come.” Helen had to adjunct for many years before she found her academic home. She NEVER lost sight of where she wanted to teach. My friend received a full-time job at the right time, right place, and of course the right people who make her better.

Dr. Janet Johnson on Twitter

Some inspiration for today. I do believe opportunities will present themselves to you at the right time. Patience.

Patience is what I had to learn. I had a promising opportunity in the Spring, yet I didn’t get the job. Why? Because that was my ‘Not Yet’. I struggled to find the patience in myself to realize that (and of course Sandy Peckinpah’s article helped).

Once you realize to be patient with yourself and be KIND to yourself, your positivity will start to flow into opportunities — opportunities to meet new people, reconnect with friends, explore options, and create new career goals.

Be Patient. Think positively. Opportunities are on their way.

Find your Happy Place

Your job loss does not define you. Embrace and celebrate this new journey.

To do so, I became my biggest cheerleader. I remind myself to think positively by Googling inspirational quotes. I know it sounds silly, but it works to put yourself in a better mindset. I started saving and sharing quotes. As much as I want to be inspired, I also enjoy inspiring others to be their best.

I read articles about success. I read articles about how to become a more positive person. I follow motivational twitter accounts.

The Secret on Twitter

You have a clean slate, and you can start over - right here, right now. Find your joy and live it!

I feed my soul with positivity. Every night before bed, I ask Alexa to play Oprah Magazine, which then Oprah reads me an inspirational story. I often wonder if Alexa is spying on me because some nights the message seems so personal. Again, the universe feeds you what you need at the right time.

I exercise, I try to eat healthy, and I laugh. Bring joy back into your life. Remember you have time to create healthier habits.

A job loss is a transformation, and what could become a beautiful journey discovering YOU. Not an ending — it’s a beginning.

Follow my journey through unemployment in my latest article about unemployment: Three Words to Repeat when Unemployed

I am an academic. I am supposed to know how to write a book, right? You would think after a 150+page dissertation I could write a book in my sleep. As I found out — you are never really prepared.

My research centers on social media, politics, and journalism. I trace the history of technology through politics and journalism showing how technology influences the way we engage with information. I had an idea, and decided to write a book.

After the publisher accepted my book proposal — I admit — I freaked out as I signed the contract.

What do I do now? I have to write a book!

I was excited at the same time. I have a little over two chapters left to write and I have figured out there’s no real formula. Everyone’s writing style and approach to writing is different. Here are some of the top lessons I’ve learned about myself and about the process.

Close The Door

Close your door — close OUT the world — online and offline. I still struggle with this because my instinct is to multitask. If I meander out to make myself a cup of tea I am asked to do another task that gets me OFF my writing goal for the day. Be careful. Make it clear you’re only taking a break.

Turn off ALL notifications on your laptop, tablet, and smart phone. I have also posted on Facebook asking friends not to text me until after my writing session.

Instead of trying to do ALL day writing sessions — I have found if I guard 1–2 hours a day to sit down to work on the book — I am more productive. I commend people who can sit at their desks for 8 hours and churn out words. I am not one of those people — unless I’m in the writing zone.

Stop the Guilt

I have stopped feeling guilty about unproductive writing days. Why? Because the next day I tend to be very productive. Ideas must ferment and bake in my brain. I sometimes use this day to read or free my mind of what I wrote about the day before.

Research is a journey.

Allow your ideas bubble up to the surface. If you are constantly stressed by wanting to put words on papers — ideas will become stagnant.

When you return the next day — you will find that your brain is open to more ideas. The words and ideas will finally mesh.

Guilt takes energy. Use that energy to contemplate your writing goals for the next day. Don’t underestimate days off — your brain is still whirling around your topic.

Exercise and Eat Healthy

I am more productive when I MOVE my body. I hit my professional goals better when I am also meeting my personal goals.

If I can make time for exercise — I feel better about every aspect of my life. My diet gets better — my mind feels healthier — and my body is NOT as stiff after a long session of research and writing.

Positive Friends Only

The most important part is to surround yourself with positive people who believe in your goal. When you do this — you will never feel guilty for saying NO to your friends.

The ones who understand your goal will understand NO. The ones who don’t understand NO don’t understand your goal.

Avoid anyone who is negative. I once had a tenure-track colleague ask me when I announced excitedly that I received a book contract, “Why would you write a book when you’re non-tenured faculty?” Deflated my excitement (but just for a moment).

Not everyone’s goals will align with yours. I am not writing a book because I HAVE to — I am writing a book because I WANT to. I believe in my research. I LOVE writing about emerging media, politics, and journalism. Do not let anyone deter you from your goal. Not everyone wants to be a friend and a supporter.

Otherwise, occasionally say yes to your positive and uplifting friends. You need to get out of your writing bubble. Laugh. Share a meal. Have fun.

Recently, I was at lunch with a friend and we brainstormed new ideas on the back of receipts. Collaborating with smart people is fun and energizing. When you arrive back home — close your door and see the words unfold on the page.

Remember: Positive people make you feel energized. Negative people suck the energy out of you. Choose wisely.

Read

Read a book for pleasure.

WHAT? But, I’m writing a book?

It’s okay to read for pleasure. I find that reading helps my concentration and focus. My brain is focused on a good story instead of watching mindless television shows or surfing the Internet.

A good story will also feed your creativity. I wake up thirty minutes earlier just to have quiet reading time. I remind myself that the author I am reading was probably just as hesitant to share their writing as I am. I find my reading time meditative.

I also find that reading books ABOUT writing inspires me. Find an author that inspires you to become better. Currently, I am enjoying reading Helen Sword’s Stylish Academic Writing. When I feel as if I need to feed my writing soul — I pick up this book and read an excerpt.

Share Your Writing

The most important part of the process is to share your drafts with people you trust to give you feedback. I often share my chapters with a select few.

I will reveal a badly hidden secret about academics — a lot of us suffer from imposter syndrome. I sometimes ask myself why would anyone want to read my research or ideas? Why? I should stop writing — no one cares.

I’ve come to this conclusion: I don’t care if you like it.

All it takes is one person to connect to what you’ve written. If I can help someone understand the political communication climate we live in today — I have succeeded. If I make one person think about how we use social media — and for them to recognize ways of communicating better — I have succeeded.

Go ahead — share your work. You will become a better writer — a better academic. I fear the peer review process — but that means I will become stronger at accepting constructive criticism as well as become a stronger writer.

Get over your fear!

If you’re scared of a new challenge — then you’re doing something right. Every new challenge I have been afraid of has made me better — personally and professionally.

Share your writing— it lessens the fear.

Gratitude

One colleague exclaimed, “Ugh! Don’t you hate writing books? I just do it because it’s what I have to do.”

I never felt like that since I started writing.

Everyday I feel gratitude I get to write and research. Of course you will feel frustration — that’s normal. Every time I sit down at my laptop — I feel gratitude I’m allowed the opportunity to write my book.

You can choose to feel dread. But, what if you felt gratitude each time you sat down. I guarantee you will feel differently about your work. You will feel pride, you will feel inspired, you will feel motivated. Gratitude brings more joy to your writing and your projects. Try it.

Conclusion

If you’re asking yourself should I send in my book proposal? I say send it. My first book proposal was rejected. I then refined my ideas and found my niche. I found my voice.

Your ideas matter.

A book is your interaction with the world’s conversation over that topic. It is okay to doubt yourself for a minute — just don’t let the doubt freeze your dreams and goals. Being fearful, yet excited, about a new opportunity means you are on the right path.

One day soon I will be able to hold up a book with MY name on it that has MY ideas in it. Not many people will accomplish such a goal. I’m very lucky to be given this opportunity.

If you’re lucky enough to be given the opportunity to write your book — embrace it with gratitude instead of dread.

And, share your journey with others.