Real life scenario:

It’s 6 am. My alarm clock goes off. I get up, guzzle the bottle of water I left on my night stand, and immediately start my daily home work out. Jumping jacks, push-ups, squats, planks and whatever I feel like doing with my curl bar. I finish my workout, and hop in the shower. I’m in and out. No burger. No shake.

I get out of the shower, review my journal and meditate. At this point, I’m getting ready to start my work day. My day is going without a hitch. My time management is ON POINT. I’ve finished my entire morning routine in under forty five minutes after waking up. I get dressed and decide get out and enjoy some day light.

I live in Whitehaven. Not a bad neighborhood in Memphis, but we don’t have many food options in the area nor a coffee shop, so I decide to drive out east. Maybe I would pass by a spot where I can get a nice salad and latte, because I’m an uppity negro. Ultra fancy.

I knew something wasn’t right when I left the house though. My day was just going TOO good. Nothing outside of what I planned was happening. As I’m walking out of the house I check for my phone, my wallet, and my keys. Everything was there. I leave the house despite my skepticism.

I’m cruising around the city, thinking of places to possibly eat, and I end up in the White Station area. There is a Whole Foods Market in this part of town, just to give you all an idea of the restaurant options available to me. Lots of healthy eats, fancy restaurants, and other grocery stores.

Here’s where the story takes a turn.

“Starbucks!” I said out loud to myself. I figured it was early, and no one would be out. I could get some coffee, a banana, and a small breakfast sandwich. Then hit City Silo for lunch after I finished writing and planning at Starbucks.

I make a right turn onto Poplar Avenue off Mendenhall, and BOOM! A volcanic explosion took place inside my stomach. All kinds of bubbling and burping going on. Sounded like I was boiling water. I didn’t have my morning release session.

I had to do something, and quick.

I weave my way through the AWFUL traffic on Poplar Avenue. (So much for people not being out) By the time I pull into Starbucks, some of my “symptoms” had subsided so I could enter the place cool, calm and collected. Or at least seemingly so.

I wiped the sweat off my forehead, and made my way in. Not many people, but still enough for someone to want to use the restroom if I were to tie it up for 10 or 15 minutes…oh anxiety.

“Do I wanna blow these white folk Starbucks restroom to smithereens?” I thought to myself. Before I could make a conscious decision, my stomach bowels gave me a strong Barack Obama, “YES WE CAN!”

I rushed into the restroom.

Clean. As I expected, but I still took the proper precautions, and did my duty.

This was the inspiration for the gusto of this post. I was simply out getting some air, being open to serendipity, and BOOM! My next blog post. Lmfao.

These are the 7 Commandments for the Use of Public Restrooms:

1. LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

No one ever wants to use the restroom in public. Whether it’s #1 or #2. You’d rather do it in the comfort of you own home. In the event that you do, location is the single most important factor in determining where to send your kids to whirlpool camp.

You don’t want to be in a shabby, run-down part of town. Chances are the employees at businesses in these areas don’t get paid enough to even THINK about cleaning a restroom.

My advice here is to locate a Whole Foods, or go to an area of town that has a Starbucks or some sort of juice bar. Those areas normally have the cleanest restrooms. Public Libraries in nice parts of your city or town is the next best option.

2. Dress to Impress

No, I don’t mean clothes. I mean the commode, silly. Once you’ve chosen your camp, hopefully a clean one, you dress that mutha’ up like a little black girl giving her first Easter Sunday speech at Riverside Baptist in Willacootchie, Jawjuh.

LAYERS! Even if it ain’t winter time. The minimum is two layers if my needs are urgent. Men don’t forget the perpendicular layer so your Johnson don’t touch the toilet.

3. Don’t forget the Threshold

You can get away with this at home, but when mother nature calls in public, don’t forget this commandment. You know kids love to play. Especially in water. So before you drop your kids off, make sure you give them that layer of tissue paper in the water so they don’t splash any water on you. Or rather you bum.

4. Remember you Mother

“Now when we go in this store, don’t you touch nothing and don’t ask for nothing” You remember when you mom used to tell this before ya’ll went into the store? Well, the same applies here. Don’t you touch nothing! If you do grab some paper towels first.

5. Skip a Stall

Starbucks gives you the luxury of single-person restrooms. Hence, why it’s my first recommendation. But in the case that you aren’t near one, skip a stall, please.

We both are already uncomfortable due to circumstances beyond our control. The activities we are about to engage will surely produce smells and sounds that neither of us want to experience from one another.

Plus, I don’t want to see your shoes and know who was taking a sh*t next to me when I finish. Thanks in advance.

6. Don’t hold back

“Let it go! Let it go!” Shout out to Elsa.

There’s nothing worse than having to use the restroom twice in public. When you have to do it, go all in. Give your best shot.

7. Hand Sanitizer is Acceptable

I grew up in a house where you washed your hands before and after everything you did. Going in the fridge? Wash your hands. Eating? Wash your hands? Going outside? Wash your hands. Just washed your hands? Wash your hands. We were some hand washing em-effers.

This is the ONLY time when hand sanitizer is acceptable to use if the place isn’t clean. Soap and water is key, people.

So next time you’re out and about, and mother nature decides that now is the best time, remember these commandments.

I was out running errands earlier this week, still gloating in all the positive, encouraging feedback I received from my first blog post. Side note, I do a lot of thinking and decision making in the car. I started thinking, “Damn, why can’t every Sunday be like this past Sunday?!”

I was up late finishing my first post, anxious as hell. Contemplating every negative thought in my head about what I had written. “Are people gonna read it? Does it sound good? Should I wait until I have my website up?” Eventually I got to the ‘fuck it’ point, posted it, and went to sleep. I woke up, had brunch with mimosas, and played with my Iphone X camera in the snow. By this time, people had read read the article. I was relishing in it all. I finally posted some shit, and folks liked it. I rewarded myself with wine, dinner, and few episodes of The Originals. A damned good Sunday if you ask me.

But looking back on it, my Sundays have changed very little from my childhood, less the alcohol. I would wake up early af. Eat breakfast, cheese toast and coffee, courtesy of Granny, then a long ass day of religious ceremony, and finally dinner. I still get a sugar high every now and then from all the peppermints and butterscotch I scoffed down during church service. Overall, not a bad way to spend your Sunday. Super chill how I like it.

So, as an adult, with the free will to do whatever the hell I want, I am dedicating Sundays, ALL SUNDAYS, for sippin’ and getting my shit together. I will use the day to eat, write, and reset my life for the next week. All this said, I am working on formulating a daily routine to help me accomplish my goals. I purchased a journal from the Best Self Company, which I believe is going to play a critical role in me creating a daily routine.

Keeping it brief, I’ll close out here. I have an idea on who I want my audience to be, but I still need to hone in on exactly what kind of content they want to read about, how long to make each post, and all that good jazz. Big shout outs to everyone who read, liked, shared, and retweeted my first post! I look forward to evolving as a writer, and providing ya’ll with interesting shit to read on Medium.

I haven’t decided what I’ll be writing about next week, but I think I want it to be informative, so, be on the look out!

Peace and love.

We’ve all been there before, “I’m gonna get my life together. For real, this time.” From money, to family, or even mental health issues, shit, I like to call these things, keep us from completing the simplest tasks.

Maybe it was washing that load of clothes that you shoved under your bed to keep from thinking about three days ago; or getting that extension on your cell phone bill that’s due tomorrow (my most recent shit predicament). Those dishes have been sitting in the sink for a week, but you refuse to wash them because your mother raised a slob and a slacker.

Before you know it, three weeks have past, and your life is in shambles. You’ve accomplished nothing you intended and that looming cloud of depression finally turns into a hurricane-tornado-wildfire, sliding you down the slippery slope of sadness into the lava of laziness and procrastination, where absolutely nothing gets done, and absolutely all of your time is wasted. What a drag.

For the past few years, this has been a dreadful repeating cycle in my life, and quite frankly, I’m sick of the shit. I’m twenty six years old, and worried that I don’t know how to function at a high level of productivity regardless of factors of my environment. Donald Trump is President. I’m broke, and can’t find a job that isn’t soul-sucking with decent pay. Donald Trump is President, and on top of that, I think I’ve developed anxiety issues. Oh, and my health insurance just expired.

Whew. I need some Hennessy.

I’m two weeks into the new year and the devil already wants me to knock his ass out, but I told myself at the end of last year, “No matter what happens in twenty eighteen, keep going,” AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’M GONE DO!

I’ll keep this thing short though. My name is Joseph Farrell Beasley, Jr., and I’m a budding entrepreneur, an insurance broker and service industry expert by trade, currently, and I will be successful.

So here’s to the rest of 2018. Here’s to me finally getting the courage to finally start blogging. Here’s to doing exactly what I said I would do. Here’s to letting go of perfectionism and fear, because that shit is for the birds. Life is short and I’m too old for that. Here’s to putting in ALL the work necessary to accomplish all of my goals this year!