Conversation at the breakfast table this morning —

Sister: I like the smell of your coffee, but I don’t like the taste (too bitter).

Me: I like the smell of your coffee, but it’s too sweet.

Coffee is an essential beverage in my house. I start my day with a Nespresso Lungo, while my sister, Joanne, has her instant coffee mix infused with hazelnut. The flavour of my coffee is intense to get ready for the long day ahead; while her’s is sweet just the way she is.

At that moment, I realized that as much as we are creatures of habit (defaulting to our preferred flavours), our busy minds wandered to that other cup of coffee and we both said “I like what you are having”. This wandering mind sets forth throughout the day, and all through life as we turn our attention to the choices of the other — at times to validate our choices, and other times to change our minds as we realize that other thing may be better. How tiring it is to constantly compare and judge!

Now if we were mindful, we would focus on the coffee — appreciate its aroma, its flavour on our tongue, its emanating warmth, and the gratitude as we enjoy the cup of coffee before us. Evidently, I am not always mindful in enjoying the cup of coffee set before me but I hope to be able to cultivate more mindfulness in my life, and less of the wandering mind.

How do you enjoy your coffee?

Bodhi is his name, and holding him gave me a beautiful moment of mindfulness. Two days old babies generally don’t do very much other than sleep, feed and cry but with his eyes closed, Bodhi gave me a gamut of expressions from pouting and smacking his lips to knitting his eyebrows in discomfort. In those moments, I felt & developed immense love — a deep desire to understand him (his needs) and to provide for him (to soothe and settle him).

He is not mine (of course) but Bodhi’s presence was a gift. In that moment of carrying him, I was mindful to the reality of impermanence, and transformation; and his vulnerability evoked strength and courage. It was a beautiful moment that I look back with gratitude & immense joy. Thank you, Bodhi.

There has been a hub of activity in Singapore this month — thanks to the launch of Pokemon Go — and also because National Day falls on 9 August. It is that time of the year where we, Singaporeans, proudly proclaim our love for our home; and express gratitude for the safety, security, material comfort that we enjoy in this island-state. I found it hard to relate to the sentiments of fellow Singaporeans on their facebook status. It is not that I am ungrateful or unhappy. On the contrary, I feel deep gratitude for all that I have in my loving family, fulfilling work and endearing friends.

However, I have been feeling disturbed by the plights of some Singaporeans who are struggling with issues we rarely speak or hear of including social privilege & discrimination, addiction & abuses, mental sickness, etc —

• A woman, mid-twenties, told me that “as an Indian in Singapore, it is very hard to find a job as they will always ask for Chinese-speaking people”. Her father requires medical treatment and her mother has just been diagnosed with cancer, and she is terribly worried about the medical bills. While she has a partner whom she is ready to wed, they have agreed to put their plans on hold for a year in order to save money for their respective families before they start their own.
• A well-spoken man, in his fifties, with extensive experience in hospitality applies for a junior level Sales Administrator job that pays ~$2,000/ month. While he holds a vocational driving license, he does not drive a taxi as he cannot afford to pay the upfront deposit of $2,000.
• A man, in his mid-forties, is on the bend and making a honest (but modest) living after serving time in prison for drug-related offences. The hardest part of serving time was not seeing his family, and he was finally able to see his first-born child after only 6/ 7 years. He regrets disappointing his parents, and professes that jail-time was the only way that he could muster the determination to kick his addiction and get back on track.
• A Managing Director of a company in his early forties — in debt from gambling and suffering the mental stress of dealing with debt collectors who show up at his workplace; reconciling with children who are living with his wife whom he is separated from; and a messy relationship with a girlfriend married to someone else.
• The homeless and destitute living in welfare homes, who may endanger their own or others’ lives due to loneliness and/or mental illnesses.

I do not mean to evoke depressing thoughts on this day of celebration, but seek to create awareness that there continues to be social prejudice we are oblivious to — in this progressive and meritocratic society. It was timely that I came across this short and impactful video (below) produced by the team at UNSAID for The Privilege Walk project as it is a visual representation of the privilege distance between 16 young Singaporeans, and the odds stacked up against each on the basis of their gender, ethnicity and family background. My takeaway from this video and in talking to many Singaporeans — is that it does not help anyone when we judge from the perspective of our own lens. We will never be able to understand and empathize with another person unless we put ourselves in their shoes, and this goes further into listening deeply to understand who they are, how they have come to be, and what they need, before we extend a helping hand — should they ask for it.

There is never a boring day at my current job. This weekend, I was deeply humbled by the experience of being in the shoes of a private car for hire driver for a few hours. I ran through the gamut of emotions — thrill of being assigned a passenger, adrenaline of rushing from dropping off a passenger to picking up the next one, fatigue of non-stop driving and talking amidst navigating the roads.

The best moment was seeing the smiles on a passenger’s face when told that they get a free ride. We were piloting a new program at work — and being amateurs, our lack of knowledge could have caused delays or inconvenience to the passengers.

I also reflected on that guilty moment earlier this week when I was a passenger, and driver asked me if he could stop the ride temporarily to go to the toilet and I said “No, I’m in a rush”. I’ve been feeling bad all week — from the moment I let my “rushing here and there” mindset take over — and been thinking of ways that I could make it up to him. I forget to give him a good rating for accomodating my impatience and driving straight on, so I wrote in to customer service to compliment him. That said, I realize that a moment passed in “rush” — or lack of mindfulness for the other person — leads to a long time of regret. I am determined to show more appreciation to people around me, people who provide a service to me — be it whether they are paid for doing it, or they simply do it unconditionally; and curb the impatience and rushing mindset in me.

Every day and every life is precious. Even though I live far away from the crises in the world, and the pouring of refugees into Europe, the stories of people fleeing their home for safety and walking thousands of miles across Europe with their families (young and old), and the pictures of people washed ashore break my heart.

Jaclyn and me talked about it iover the weekend and while we had no idea how we would make it work — we want to. In a day, we have a plan and we are expecting baby slings and carriers in the mail. We plan to take a step at a time — to forward the carriers and slings to organizations that will take them (be it in Singapore or overseas) with the hope that every single one of us can make a difference to make someone else’s life a little better. This is not a world for strangers to stand by and turn a blind eye, but for us to take the step forward and ask “How can I help?”

What will happen to your donation of unused baby carrier and slings?

• Carry the Future (http://www.carrythefuture.org/donate/material-aid/#carriers) is a US based charity organization that takes carriers and hands them out to those in need in refugee camps in Greece
• Baby slings (and we know there are so many unused ones from 2015 SG50 Baby Pack) will be collected and shipped to Greece at our own effort and cost.
• Do message me at joyceyplim@gmail.com if you would like to donate or help.

No baby carrier/ sling to donate? No worries. You can play a part by sending your blessings and good wishes to all in the refugee camps in Europe. They may have escaped the terror in their home country, but they have a long road ahead of them to rebuild the home that they have lost, and a positive thought — or speaking of their plight with dignity and empathy would go some way in alleviating their hardship.

Learning True Love, written by Sister Chan Khong is the autobiography of a Vietnamese woman who poured her life into serving the poor and children in need. On one hand, I was inspired by her lifelong practise to look deeply into the needs and suffering of people (especially children); and to put herself into the “skin” of others in order to understand and act compassionately towards friends and enemies. On the other hand, I found it difficult to turn the pages when reading about the selfless acts of Vietnamese who immolated themselves in their rallying call for freedom of religion and peace. I had innocently picked up the book one evening and went to bed with it, and found myself sobbing hard at the words:

“Please try and be in the heart and mind of the person performing such an act of great love and sacrifice. To move the hearts of the hardest men and women, you have to give a gift of great value — even your own life. These people did not die when their bodies turned to ash. When I looked deeply at Thay Quang Duc’s sacrifice, I could see his love and deep commitment to human rights born again in me and in thousands of Vietnamese and others all over the world. We received the fire of love and commitment to act from his great sacrifice.” — Learning True Love, Pg 38

The socio-political situation in Vietnam, was, and continues to be a complex one; and this autobiography is my avenue for understanding the plight of the people most affected by the Vietnam war including the Vietnamese, the Boat People (refugees who escaped Vietnam in search for a better life after the war ended), even the American veterans.

What struck me was Sister Chan Khong’s efforts to seek refuge for the boat people to the extent of assisting Thay Thich Nhat Hanh to direct a ship, Leapdal, as well as, her outreach to international diplomatic connections to for the release of prisioners of conscience. Below, I share a poem written by Thay Thich Nhat Hanh, that was presented to the assembly of World Conference on Religion and Peace in 1976. I read this and reflect on the situation of the migrant refugees seeking safety in Europe, and feel sad that 40 years on, we have not learned the lesson of “true love”.

The Boat People — Thich Nhat Hanh

You stay up late tonight, my brothers.
This I know,
because the boat people
on the high seas
never dare to go to sleep.
I hear the cry of the winds
around me — 
total darkness

Yesterday they threw the dead bodies
of their babies and children
into the water
Their tears once again filled
the ocean of suffering
In what directions are their boats drifting
at this moment?

You stay up very late tonight, brothers
because the boat people
on the high seas
are not certain at all that mankind exists.
Their loneliness
is so immense

The darkness has become one with the ocean — 
and the ocean, an immense desert.
You stay up all night, brothers,
and the whole universe
clings to your being awake

Get a copy of Learning True Love at Parallax Press ~ https://www.parallax.org/product/learning-true-love-practicing-buddhism-in-a-time-of-war/

I am a person who focuses only on the destination and care less on the journey. The motto of “stop to smell the roses” do not resonate with me; and I push myself pretty hard fill up every moment of my day to juggle work, loved ones and personal interests. I have come to recognize this habit of “rushing” through my meditation practice. Consequently, I have become more mindful of the present moment, and the possibilities of every moment.

Thich Nhat Hanh makes it sound as if awareness is as easy and effortless as soaking beans in water. “You don’t need to push the water to enter the bean,” he has told me. “You let the bean be in the water, and slowly, slowly the water is absorbed… You are like these mung beans and awareness is the water. The practice is to bring your mind gently back to the present moment…” — Rachel Neumann, Not Quite Nirvana, 39.

Traveling to Vietnam through the Loving Work Retreat was a rich and nourishing experience for me, as it allowed me to deeply see and feel true love in all my interactions with fellow group members, friends from the charity organizations we worked with and visited, as well as, from the local community of Hoi An & Hue. I left Vietnam with a heart filled with gratitude and am inspired to return to visit my friends, and continue the good work we have done, and to see the fruits from the labour of our loving work.

LOVING KINDNESS: The members of the 2016 Loving Work Retreat formed ourselves as the Peaceful Cloud Sangha, and they became the first sangha that I’ve practiced with. Eating, sitting and walking mindfully everyday with my sangha gave me a great anchor in my meditation practice. But more than anything else, practicing hugging meditation truly allowed me to receive the loving kindness from each and every one of my friends in the sangha. The experience — of looking deeply into one’s eyes, listening intently to one’s words, breathing with them, and holding each other in a warm embrace without judgement — was liberating, and it continues to envelope me with a sense of love for self and for all beings.

JOY: I felt much joy spring from my heart as I played with the children at the Kianh Foundation — all of whom have special development needs due to a variety of physical or learning disabilities, but are happy and balanced children who receive education, therapy and life skills intervention from loving teachers. Walking into a class for toddlers and children aged between 2 and 6, language was no barrier even though I spoke no Vietnamese and they spoke no English. All it took was an outreach of my arms to carry them and a smile on their faces — in no time, I was tangled in a group of giggling children, two in front of me taking turns to be lifted into the air, one of them hanging on to my neck for a piggy ride. I felt deeply connected to the joy and innocence of the children and this gave me much joy in return.

COMPASSION: Mrs Vy Va Han is the founder of For the Children Viet Nam and she is a champion of books and reading for the poorest children in Quang Nam and Nghe An province. Her work is engaged in introducing libraries into elementary classrooms of the most rural and remote schools, and handing out scholarships to children whose parents cannot afford to pay an annual fee of USD 150 for their education. It was a privilege for me and our sangha to travel with her to the schools to hand out books for the libraries and to meet the families of the scholarship award recipients. I was touched by the heartfelt appreciation of the families — to see a small amount make a difference to transform the suffering and lighten the burden for the chilren and their families.

INCLUSIVENESS: I felt a deep sense of inclusiveness working to build an organic garden in the Cam Thanh Community Centre with my sangha friends from all over the work (Canada, Germany, New Zealand, USA), friends from Action for the City and local friends (Be Tran, and Minh Tran). In many societies, and at work too — we apply superficial labels of age, gender, ethnicity, educational qualifications to determine a person’s value. These labels had no place when we were all down on our knees to clear the land of wild shrubs and weeds; and on our posteriors to plant grass. When one of us fell sick and needed rest, another would take his or her place. The work under the hot sun did not feel tedious when we had accompanying music played by Peter; uncovered fine pieces pottery from the soil for Sylvia; and discovered nature at its best as we encountered ant hills, praying mantis,snakes and other creatures. We worked at clearing the land for a few hours each day and our consistent and collective efforts transformed an abandoned orchard into a field ready for an organic garden, fruits trees and a new office for Action for City. I am full of anticipation for how the organic garden will take root and become a place of learning, sharing and inclusiveness for the children who visit the Cam Thanh Community Centre.

Plan a trip to Vietnam! The Loving Work Foundation organizes two annual retreats, Loving Work Retreat and Joyfully Together Mobile Retreat. The goal of these retreats is to build a sense of global community participation, and they partner with humanitarian programs throughout Viet Nam to provide participants with opportunities to engage in service projects at a grass-roots, hands-on level. Learn more about the work here at http://www.lovingworkfoundation.org and plan a trip for March/ April 2017.

First posted on http://happinesshereandnow.blogspot.sg/ 22 May 2016

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free” — Thich Nhat Hanh.

The habit of sitting down at a table to eat breakfast did not come to me until my twenties — and I used to lament that my mother, who held a full-time job for as long as I can remember, was not a stay-at-home-mum who prepares elaborate breakfasts for the family.

My mother started working when I (the youngest of her three children) went to first grade and so I have only one memory of her being at school. It was the first week of school and she came to class asking the teacher for permission to excuse me for a second, then matched the size of school uniform she bought and left. All through first grade, I envied my classmates whose mothers would be at school with them, waiting for them in the canteen with food during break times.

I realize now that my mother taught me independence from a young age. More than that, she loves me in such a way that makes me feel free. It is the small things she does — the “heart” she adds to my breakfast — that tells me she loves me.

First posted 26 May 2016 on http://happinesshereandnow.blogspot.sg/?m=1

“If you have a loved one who suffers, you can be a compassionate ally for him… Play the role of a bell of mindfulness. Your squeezing the hand is like a bell, lovingly calling your friend to come back to himself. That squeeze means, ‘I am here for you. You don’t need to do anything but breathe.’” — Thich Nhat Hanh, No Mud, No Lotus, p. 42.

I met with a friend for lunch last week. While we had not met for almost half a year, I had been worried about his well-being as our recent exchanges signaled a sense of deep frustration and unhappiness within him. I felt compelled to ask & probe instead of glossing over the latest happenings in our work.

Like a bolt of lightning, the truth of his situation came as a shock over lunch when he said:

• “I was a high roller and everyone in this restaurant (above a casino) knows me.”
• - “I am living alone, moved out of the house from my wife and girls three years ago.”

I should have prefaced that this friend of mine is a CEO, someone whom I’ve seen work his way up the corporate ladder with hard work and effort, and strong negotiation skills. I also know him as a father to three lovely girls — whom he loves and counts as “most important” in his life; whose pictures fill up his Facebook wall. In the nine years of friendship, we exchanged how busy work always was and often encouraged each other in our career progression. And so, while I had anticipated troubles in his personal life, I had not expected such a complex situation.

We had a long lunch — and I found myself asking him many times — what is most important to you? I felt his sadness, disappointment, frustration and pain as he spoke of the complex relationships he had with the people he loved.

Writing this, I recount our lunch with deep empathy for his pain. Suspending my judgement of his deeds and actions gives me a sense of equanimity that connects me to his pain and suffering, and inspires me to be present with him — as a bell of mindfulness.

First posted 23 May 2016 on http://happinesshereandnow.blogspot.sg/?m=1