Sunrises,

Sunsets,

days passed,

weeks passed,

and lo and behold,

months culminated in a full year,

2022 is done!

The year we hoped for several things,

extinction of COVID-19,

self-discovery,

love,

peace,

jobs,

wealth,

miracles,….

Thank God!

for the gradual re-adjustment,

to our old normal —

no side-eyes at unmasked fellas,

no masks in public!

Let’s all breathe a sigh of relief,

the worst of 2022 is behind us!

I hope you learned,

from the old, the new,

the good, the bad,

the ugly, the enigmatic….

I hope you learned something,

something new about yourself,

from the vast array of emotions —

anger, love, despondency,

frustration, joy, peace,

fear, grief, ambivalence…

I hope you continue to grow,

I hope you continue to nurture,

your authentic self.

As you indulge in reminiscence,

I hope you forgive yourself,

of the mistakes you made in 2022

out of sheer ignorance,

or human weakness,

the flaws are what make you human.

I hope you give yourself a pat on the back,

For persevering in the cold winter,

For working hard

despite the searing sun.

2022 is on our rearview mirror,

the year we

cried and wiped each other’s tears,

loved, laughed,

lost, won

hated, revenged,

sympathized, empathized,

forgave, were forgiven,

gave and received;

commensurate.

In all we are grateful,

we survived catastrophes,

thrived despite bumps and bottlenecks,

we are alive!

Whether we fell,

face down or face up,

whether we vaulted to the top or hit the rock bottom,

we are ready to rise,

rise like the phoenix from the ashes,

and live on.

We are stronger,

wiser,

more resilient,

we fought good fights.

BUT

the race is still on,

weapons blunt,

from the tough battles,

but we are ready,

to sharpen them,

as long as we have breaths in us,

and our earthly missions incomplete.

Fear will not seize us,

hope will propel us,

we will walk,

into the doorways of 2023,

with all that is left in us,

from the ware and tear in 2022 —

We will ring in 2023,

embrace it with courage, confidence,

grit, faith and hope.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2023!

Ⓒ Joyline Chepkorir

A Poem

I appreciate her –

My mother

She let me crawl

for as long as I needed,

to gain the confidence,

to rise up and walk,

Then run,

in pursuit of my goals.

I’m grateful for her –

My academic advisor

She let me crawl,

For as long as I needed,

So I could learn to walk,

through the ins and outs, the research

I appreciate her

She let me crawl,

get my hands dirty

in the maze,

So I could learn,

to clean up and write

grants and manuscripts

I appreciate her

She let me crawl

on the conundrum of datasets,

So I could learn

To rise up,

and collect my own data.

I appreciate her

For letting me crawl,

For giving me the leeway

To get lost in the maze,

Marvel in the conundrum of research,

make as many mistakes as I could

So I could learn,

and master,

the art of research.

I’m grateful for her

She let me crawl

So I could walk,

And then run

For the prize in the maze – the doctoral degree.

© Joyline Chepkorir

A poem

Reality is banging my head,

So hard, I can’t stand it.

Why has it taken me so long,

to mind the sweetness,

of my own coconut drink?

Why has it taken me light years,

to ignore the quantity of tannin,

in people’s wine?

I need to mind my business,

And live my life!

By Joyline Chepkorir.

Just landed in Paris airport

Sleepy, dog-tired

I would give anything in exchange for a place to lay my sleep-laden head

I just found my transfer gate.

Porté 2E-K

I quickly update my family on my travel

Then skim through WhatsApp statuses

Only to find pictures of my uncle

Trending in most of my relatives’ walls

My bloody eyes stemming from lack of sleep didn’t recognize the first photo

Then a second photo of my uncle enjoying a scrumptious meal, supposedly nyamchom, sends my heart racing

“Ooh no! Not uncle Davy”

A web of thoughts flood my mind….

Yesterday a lady in the supermarket seemed to have a received a distress call about the death of a family member and froze

She stopped serving me

Today I’m experiencing the same

Was it a foreshadow?

Last evening my mum was struggling to say goodbye to me over the phone

Could she have heard about the ordeal but couldn’t find the right words to break the news?

In the words of Oprah Winfrey,

“The universe is always speaking

Sometimes it whispers,

Other times is screams!”

We always have to pay attention — listen and observe.

You notice I’ve digressed

Because I’m still in denial. The truth is:

I was too late

Too late to stop death from surreptitiously snatching another loved one

A child, a brother, cousin, father, friend, a colleague…

I beat myself up

‘Cause I couldn’t remember the last time we talked or met

Sometime last year?

At grandpa’s house?

I don’t remember what you said

Neither the response I gave

My brain activated cortisol release

I was stressed, restless, numb…

To distract myself from the tears welling up my eyes,

I cover my head and face with a scarf

Hoping to sleep the grief away

As you would expect,

It didn’t work!

All I did was reflect about the brevity of life.

Uncle Davy,

I wish I saw the impending death

Me and the whole tribe and army behind you would have done everything in our power to fight the monster

Why you?

I have no answers

So I leave it right here

For God knows why

I will wipe my tears

In this airport

So full of life yet so deserted to me right now

I wish I could give you a last goodbye

Perhaps that would have made things better ?

I wish I could hug with family members in consolation

Poor me,

Too late now

I have to find ways to cope with this long distance grief

Till we meet again uncle

We love you

We will dearly miss you.

Sending love and hugs to our family members. May we all find the fortitude to bear the poignant reality of this moment

Joyline Chepkorir

Looking into the future is scary

Planning for it gives me

chills

It’s like listening to a lion roar

and immediately shooting an arrow at it,

hoping it will land on its jaws and tear off its canines.

A year from today,

Five years,

Ten years…,

I wish I could see you,

Even just virtually,

Since I can’t meet you.

I must confess

I dread thinking about you

I just want to hear the clock tick,

Second by second

In fact, I want it ticking slower

So I may have time to breathe

Before I finally meet you.

You remind me of fairytales — “Here comes the bride!”

Remember such tales?

The only difference is

I don’t want you to come

But I know you’re on your way

You’re an enigma I wish not uncover

You know why?

Because I still have some issues

Things I need to resolve within me — lack of confidence, doubt, unresolved trauma, imposter syndrome, name them!

All the self-sabotaging habits and emotions

I’m not ready to meet you yet

Hang on a moment please

I can’t fit in your elephant-sized opportunity

I need to increase in depth and breadth

Muscled with positive self talk, public speaking skills and discipline

I need to meet ME first

At a place where I’m comfortable in my own skin

Confident enough to seize opportunities at they come

Glazed with unflinching faith and hope!

Will you tarry a little longer?

By: Joyline Chepkorir.

Poem inspired by a career plan presentation today and the quote below

If you believe in yourself, the world will believe in you, because perception is reality (Priyanka Chopra Jonas)

Reflections in New York City

NYC (Photo by Todd Quackenbush on Unsplash)

May my faith be taller than my height, higher than these skyscrapers

May my fears be beneath my feet, lower than the foundations of these skyscrapers

May I be a mountain that others can lean on

May I be vulnerable enough

to lean on the shoulders of others

them that care and love me

May I be kind enough to listen,

and seek to understand

more than be understood.

May I be compassionate

not to myself alone

But to others all the same.

May I be forgiving,

Not captious.

Graceful,

Keeping no record of others’ mistakes

May my ways be pure

Honesty my shadow

Frankness my right hand man

Confidence my companion

May I be Me

Just ME!

Today I became a warrior

Against the deep-seated trauma

Masked by a facade of strength

Today I chose to excavate it all,

In tears, words and prayers

Today I defied a myth

That strong women need no therapy

Today I opened up to a stranger,

A trained counselor

Via a phone call

He couldn’t believe the burden I was carrying

He applauded my courage

To offload the encumbering yoke

Of unresolved strings of traumatic events.

He listened

And promised to keep it confidential

What a great space,

Ooh the inexplicable purging effect

Of talking it out

Of being vulnerable

Accepting to be human

Who chose not to be tossed, persecuted, abandoned, pressed, shamed

Lashed out at

Assaulted…

Ooh what a blessing

To accept the brokenness

And lean on the burning flame of hope

Of not being crushed

Though destroyed.

I feel powerful

Ready to conquer this war

A battle with the mind

Won with mindfulness

Meditation

Prayer

Whim Hof Breathing

Ginger, turmeric, Black pepper

Everything anti-inflammatory

I’m in for it,

No shame, no guilt

Just gradual healing

From the wounds inflicted on me

A reconciliation with trauma

And hope for a better future,

A healthier generation after me.

It had to start with me!

PS: Purposefully left unedited to sound more poetic — A reminder that healing is never a perfect journey, neither is it poetic.

By Joyline Chepkorir

Forgive when I retreat to my cocoon

It’s the haven I’ve known since birth

I hate not your coddle, neither your cuddle

A tune of my inner world at times I need

My cacophony of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

You can call it shutting down

Yet this I know to be

My adaptive dissociative response,

A nest to rest, replenish

or endure the pain

You know the other side of it

The conspicuous one

Fight or flight mode

You see the sweat on my countenance and palms

The shaky legs

The teary eyes

You hear my heartbeat

You see the struggle

to repress the jitteriness

My lips flapping,

This I can’t hide

Neither can I control it

I hope you will be kind

to listen to my venting.

A reassuring word,

or a tender touch

may be all I need,

For me to be in touch

with my inner world again.

I hope you understand.

By Joyline Chepkorir

Everyone I have ever met knew at least one thing I didn’t know. That’s why I value people. Each of us is uniquely gifted; and the only way to coexist and mutually benefit from each other’s talents and gifts is to honor this fact at the outset of every human encounter/interaction.

May your cup of love

Always run over

To fill the world around you