As soon as you reach for your phone to take a picture, your experience of that moment becomes a mere digital reference.

Is it possible to be present in the moment and still capture it on our mobile devices at the same time?

Digitally documenting our experiences is the act of preserving the image, but the memory of it might be getting lost.

Imagine This

Maybe you are simply having a meal with a friend, or want to take a photo of your pet or child. You pick up your phone.

As the moment passes by the image you are capturing is accompanied by “what filter would look good?”, “who is going to see this?”, “who do I want to see this?”.

Mostly these images get published immediately.

So you upload it. That’s 5 minutes. And while you are there, you notice someone else has posted something. I’ll just check this one thing…. And that’s another 10 minutes.

Did you actually experience that moment you just photographed? Do you have any memory of what it actually felt like?

To take a photo or not to take photo

An image with a feeling associated with it can be priceless. We have been preserving moments of our lives into photographic memories long before the modern-day smartphone.

However, because we carry our camera phones with us everywhere, we now have a choice.

If taking the photo distracts you from the experience, is the image still worth anything?

A new way of approaching smartphone technology

I recently wrote an article about decreasing smartphone usage. However, my phone usage didn’t dramatically decrease until my health got the better of me one weekend. After a couple months of 12+ hour days, 7 days a week, I finally had no choice but to stop.

Social media and digital technology create a constant chatter that can clutter your own thoughts. This can make it hard to even know that you should be stepping back.

It’s important to take time away from social media to let your own thoughts run their course. These are your ideas. It is important to let them grow away from the noise.

Write down one to three priorities each day.

These are the things you want to finish before you turn on your phone or email in the morning. There is freedom in this.

This concept isn’t new. It’s been circulating the internet for some time being approached in a variety of ways.

It’s not just about being productive or increasing focus. This practice is about detachment. It’s about breaking a habit that doesn’t serve you and filling yourself with one that does.

Remove the app or delete the profiles that don’t make you happy.

I love this recent article by Darius Foroux. I do notice the less time I spend online, the happier I am.

I have certainly fantasized about hitting the delete button on every social media single account I have. I do believe it would make me happier. I may do it someday.

However, being in the digital marketing business (for both my graphic design and music business), these accounts do hold some business value.

Here are a few ways to maybe get around this:

1) Only focus on a couple of platforms. I haven’t deleted any of my accounts (yet). For my business, I have yet to determine if it’s better to delete an account I don’t use, or leave it in stand-by mode. I did limit my focus down to Twitter and Instagram. The other accounts are not accessed daily. If you don’t need an account, delete it or delete the app.

2) If you can’t get off your phone, turn it off. I still have a landline, so I can turn off my phone completely (and I do on evenings and weekends if I find I can’t “stay away”). Most phones also have a “silent” mode that let people on your favorites list ring through in-case of an emergency. There is no reason your mobile phone needs to be on all the time. Have a life without your phone.

3) Turn off all notifications. This one’s been mentioned before, but it’s worth saying again. Turn off ALL notifications. In my last article I had left on some of the “critical” notifications. Now they are off, including email.

Let’s bring back the 90’s. Talk to the person sitting next to you. Enjoy your moments.

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“Maybe you have been through everything you have, so you have the strength to endure what is coming next”.

These were not the words I wanted to hear at the time. They were spoken to me right after I had just picked up music again after a 4-year hiatus.

I don’t know what determines the path we have in front of us. That will always remain a mystery.

If you are reading this article, you know the exact minute that music found you. The world probably stopped spinning. Everything you knew up until that moment was now going to be different. Music would become you.

Getting Lost

I’ll forever be surprised by the many challenges we face in our lives. Life has always seemed to be more complicated then it should be. Maybe we create our own struggle or maybe it just happens. Either way, it can wreck self-perceived havoc on the things we hold closest to our hearts.

I fell in love with music so quickly and so intensely that along with that came an immediate fear of not having it.

Fear usually comes from something we feel we have no control over. Maybe it’s the fear of failure because you don’t think you’ll be able to succeed afterwards. Maybe it’s the fear of loss because the pain will be too heavy to bare. Maybe it’s the fear of fear itself. If we let it go, will we let it in?

Why “giving up” doesn’t actually exist

The words Give Up are defined as “cease making an effort; resign oneself to failure”.

Remove the idea of “give up” from your vocabulary.

Giving up can’t actually exist because as soon as you try again, be it now or ten years from now, you are no longer “ceasing to making an effort”. You never actually stopped. You are no longer resigning to failure.

Falling

I’ve been chasing a dream in music for over 15 years. There have been many hurdles and I did stop, three times in fact. At first I categorized these time periods as giving up, but then I came back. Again. And again.

A few years ago I made it through a second comeback after period of not being able to play music. Afterwards, in a state of complete exhaustion, I told myself “any more road blocks and I won’t make it again”.

For a while the momentum fired until I had accomplished some professional goals I’d only dreamed possible, only to be stopped in my tracks again, this time by tendonitis. For the third time I found myself facing the horrifying reality of a life without music.

How to hold on if you consider giving up

We all look back and think “if only I knew then what I know now”. Last year while battling tendonitis I had a chance to define what causes us to get stuck and how to keep from giving up.

1) Don’t panic

It is human nature to panic. You realize you missed an appointment. Left the dog outside. Ran out of coffee. Our brains send fight or flight signals programed to help us survive.

There will be a moment (or many moments) when you look down at your instrument and your gut will turn inside out. “What if I can’t do this?”

I urge you to observe emotions but don’t let them define you. Being fearless isn’t the absence of fear, but rather acting despite it.

2) Don’t get emotionally attached

It’s also human nature to compare ourselves to others. Human beings learn by observation. It’s the very premise of how we learn to speak and walk.

The overwhelming amount of information now streamed at our fingertips can be incredibly inspiring and also detrimental.

Everyone has a story. I continue to be surprised by the stories that come out when I finally talk to someone I’ve been admiring professionally. Everyone has doubt. Everyone has fear. Everyone looks up to someone that they think is “better then” them.

3) Never give up

After not playing the oboe for over 4 years (and even selling everything because I thought I’d never be able to play again), I remember sitting at a cross-road. Circumstances had changed and the moment to choose had arrived.

I could walk away right now (I didn’t even have an instrument anymore). I could take the safe route and go get a “real job”.

Or, I could endure the impossible task of picking up the oboe again from scratch. Unlike the first time I decided to pursue music professionally, I knew exactly what I was getting into this time. It was going to be the hardest thing I would ever do.

The irony was that it wasn’t even really a decision. It wasn’t a “choice” because I never would have chosen anything but music.

A few weeks later I used every last penny I had to buy another oboe. Two years later I went back to finish my performance degree. The intensity of it nearly broke me, but in retrospect the only thing that was harder then finishing my degree, was selling my oboe in the first place.

You don’t choose music, it chooses you. It never leaves you. All you have to do is be willing to never stop taking a leap of faith for it.

Originally published at indiebandguru.com on February 16, 2017.

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Some of us are searching for it. Some of us know what “it” is, and we are trying to hold onto it.

During a lunch conversation with an old friend the other day I started thinking about how to define a “calling”.

We talked about one of his former students from a long time ago. This kid was a master of graphic design.

At first I thought his student was just a prodigy. One of those naturally talented superstars. But as we talked, I came to learn he worked for it. Yes, he was talented, but he was all consumed by his passion for design and never lost focus on this single goal.

What if we are starting to have too many ideas?

Up until recently I had been focused on only one thing: the oboe. All consumed, if you will.

But after I graduated with a music degree (in oboe), I found myself branching out. I started playing different instruments, and different genres. I got lost in the possibilities.

It was when I found myself playing 7 instruments all at once one summer that an old quote came back to taunt me.

“A jack of all trades is a master of none”

It felt silly because three years prior to that someone had mentioned that quote in passing. My response was, “that will never be me”.

Are we heading into a time when our attention is too divided?

A multi-stream income seems essential anymore. Our external environment is also in a constant state of change. Plus, there are a vast amount of ideas you can generate from the internet (I’m not saying they will all be good, of course).

Despite wanting to narrow my focus, my music business ended up expanding into two different teaching studios and two separate performance genres. Then, I added a whole new career in digital design a year later. That has multiplied into a multi-focused business as well. Did I mention I still own 7 instruments? I play most of them.

And, I still continue to wake up in the middle of the night with more ideas.

The problem isn’t generating too many ideas though; it’s trying to follow too many at once.

Finding It

1. Know the one thing you can’t live without. That is, and always will be, your top priority.

2. Try one new thing at a time. I pledge this one based on experience. Trying several things at once will make it impossible to get an accurate trial on anything.

3. Write it all down, but not in a to-do list! Find another way to save creative ideas. Try a notebook or a vision board. Don’t get too excited and try to organize your ideas by project and due dates right away (you’ll burn out).

4. Get feedback (and not just from your friends). Do market research. Ask some people in your field of interest to get a sense if your idea will have any traction.

5. Experiment with your schedule. I found I have it’s best to focus on just one priority a day. You’ll need to find what works for you personally.

6. Plan on sacrifices. Life is not perfect. Each idea will come with a list of pros and cons.

7. You can always change you mind. Life IS change. We didn’t get a manual when we were born. If something isn’t working, stop and try something else.

Keeping It

In an otherwise complex world, a basic level of vitality can be simple.

The essential human need for food, water, shelter, and human connection is all tied into our essence.

I think who we are is connected by that one thing we can’t live without. Some might call it passion, love, or a calling. The trick is not to let it get lost in the noise.

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Someone told me something interesting today.

“Being in debt to someone is what keeps the energy of friendship alive between two people”

I like to think of this, instead, as two souls that continue to give unconditionally to each other. This exchange might be looked at as is the deepest connection of spiritual love.

It got me thinking about validation verses being “seen” by someone.

• You can be seen by someone, and perceive it as validation.
• You can not be seen by someone, and yet still seek validation.
• Or you can be seen by someone and know it (and I want to add, this can be terrifying).

Validation, whether self-perceived or given through someone’s words, is an empty exchange.

If it is genuinely given by someone, does it mean anything? Can someone else’s opinion, whether genuine or false, ever truly mean anything about YOU? Opinions are subjective.

Much like happiness and a sense of fulfillment or peace, validation has been long sought after. False as it may be, for a moment it can feel like we’ve achieved everything our ego (our mind) has ever wanted.

Even with complete detachment to validation, who doesn’t feel better when told “you did great”, or “you’re successful”? Some may seek those words and some may try not to, but no one will deny they are still nice to hear.

Although validation can be temporarily soothing, they hold no weight. And they shouldn’t hold any weight.

Detachment

One of my rules when dealing with a life crisis is “don’t get emotionally attached”.

This doesn’t mean you don’t care. This doesn’t mean you don’t feel. This doesn’t mean you have to change how you feel.

Remaining emotionally detached means you do not attach your emotion to your sense of self. Emotions and feelings are not attached to your self worth, your success, or your desires.

You might feel terrified, but don’t let it affect your decisions.

You might feel sad, but choose to be grateful.

You might feel like you failed, but you decide this moment can be a hurdle, not a stop sign (and you keep going).

Validation

Seeking validation is the opposite of practicing detachment.

It’s waiting for someone to tell you that you are safe, not alone, or successful in your endeavors.

It’s feeling sad and wanting someone, or something, to give you a reason to feel happy.

It’s being scared and holding yourself back.

You can not seek outside yourself for validation. It has to come from within. Outside validation may feel satisfying, but it is fleeting and ultimately, meaningless.

Being Seen

Maybe you know the feeling when someone see’s you before you see yourself. Maybe it’s expressed through someone’s words. Or, maybe exits and you don’t even know it’s there.

Several years ago I was attending an international oboe conference. It wasn’t the first time I’d been there. It was, however, the first time I’d been back since I’d stopped playing music six years prior.

The last time I was at that conference I had purchased a beautiful, brand new oboe. In going against my own advice, I was emotionally attached to that instrument. Not only was it a special one, it symbolized everything I wanted to accomplish at the naïve age of 20.

Little did I know, I would only get the chance to play on it for a couple months before I had to stop playing, and eventually sell it.

Against all odds, I had fought my way back (with a less speical oboe in tow). I was having it worked on by a technician when the person who had purchased my original instrument showed up, oboe in hand. He had to leave, asked if I’d hold onto it for him. I sat there with both oboes on my lap. Everything I was forced to let go of resting on one leg, and everything I was trying to get back, on the other.

Someone that sees ME was standing there. He asked, “are you ok”? I said “yes”. I actually thought I was. I thought I was handling the whole weekend well.

Then I got home and couldn’t stop crying (and immediately came down with a horrible cold). Someone saw me, before I could see myself.

Final Thoughts

Seeking validation is easier then being seen because the ultimate goal of being validated is to be told what you want to hear.

Being seen is raw. Someone who can see your highest potential might suggest you take a leap. Maybe they see your fear and want you to let go, but you can’t (or you don’t want to).

I am eternally grateful to the people who saw me before I saw myself. They are the ones that pushed me, and believed in me. They are the ones that allowed me to find and be fulfilled by what I hold dear in the world.

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When I fell in love with music I was blinded by a fiery momentum. There was no doubt I felt an immediate passion, but I remember looking to my hero’s on stage for answers. I watched their smiling faces and thought, “if I do what makes me happy, I will be happy”.

“Now I wonder, are the most powerful moments the ones that change your life, or the moments in-between?”

A misconception of happiness can lead to an endless search for satisfaction. The truth is, I don’t think we can sustain happiness. It burns too hot.

Passion

I recognized early on that I was actually chasing passion, not happiness. The mastery of a skill takes time and dedication. It takes perseverance. Turns out following your passion is just following a journey that requires you to never give up.

There was one moment that has always stuck with me though. It was neither a pivotal moment, nor one between. It was something else.

I had just passed a critical turning point in my life, and although completely unaware, I was also on the toes of another. Barely 20, a move to the big city brought me to Boston as a transfer student. I had been accepted to what was supposed to be my “dream school”. It wasn’t the moment I decided to leave Colorado for Boston that changed me. It wasn’t even the moment (two months later) when I later decided to leave Boston, that really mattered.

It was the moment I took my oboe out of the case for the first time after arriving. It was when I started to play. My world stopped spinning. I felt at home.

Who You Are

Moments can’t define who we are. They direct us. They ask us to choose. Under every passing minute is the essence of who we are. There is a sense of steadiness that comes from that, whether or not we we are able to define it.

When passion and your essence merge, the two create an unwavering connection. This connection will be tested. I’ve lost hold on it so many times, I’ve gotten used to the white space that follows in it’s absence.

What brings you back?

You just have to be willing to see that it’s still there. It never left. Your essence came into this world with you and your passion will always find it’s way back to you.

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