How Life’s Trials Humble and Shape Us

Ever wondered how life’s toughest blows can be the very making of us? Two decades ago, I found myself in a lecture hall, captivated by the presence of V.S. Naipaul. His demeanor was solemn, almost detached, a stark contrast to the reverence he commanded.

The crowds swarmed in, waiting to lay there eyes on the literary genuis who put their tiny island of Trinidad and Tobago on the literary map. But he appeared unfazed by it all.

Back then, I mistook his solemnity for 𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦, unable to comprehend how someone so gifted could appear so unfulfilled. It took me years to grasp that his brilliance wasn’t in spite of his brokenness, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝘁.

𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗱: 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝘂𝘀, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝘂𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗲 𝘂𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘄𝗲’𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲.

Humility is often seen as a virtue, but it’s also a powerful teacher. It strips away pretense, leaving us with the raw essence of our being. As creators, this humility becomes our lens, allowing us to capture the human experience in its most authentic form.

For 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴, this journey is particularly profound. Our words become vessels for the universal truths we uncover in our darkest hours. Through humility, we find our voice — not as a shout into the void but as a quiet resonance that echoes in the hearts of others.

In embracing our humility, we discover that the very things that humble us are what make us profoundly human. And in that humanity, we find the wellspring of our deepest creative expression.

Now I can fuller embrace the journey that he spoke of that night — of being ostracized and embraced at the same time in foreign lands and I can see that the very things he was being honored for — may have been the very same things that only came to him through the darkest hours of his pain and grief.

But he transcended it — at least on some level. As a fellow (albeit different) writer , I have set a goal to do the same — but hopefully with a smile on my face — 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵.

Kieran Andrew Khan is a writer, entrepreneur, agency founder, radio host and journalist. He also didn’t own a camera when he attended the VS Naipaul lecture in the 2000s and since smartphones were also not invented, the AI-generated photo will have to suffice. You can find him at kierancan.com.

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It’s only suffering if you think it is.

I said what I said and you at first are going to instinctively react to this statement thinking, “Easy for you to say, you don’t have X like me.”

The truth is we are ALL suffering. Especially in an age of always-on highlight reels while we lie in our beds and rot, it’s easy to think everyone has it easier than you. But the ancient Stoic truth is that, it’s only suffering if you think it is.

Those relationship implosions? Losing that job or client? That pain you can’t shake? Those financial troubles? Yes, even dreaded diseases and losses of loved ones. None of these are suffering outright.

It’s hard, outright challenging, to explain to people that there are no negative experiences in life — because they instinctively think my life must be great with only positive experiences. But no.

In the last decade I have:

• Gone broke
• Lost every client at my company
• Dealt with insane health challenges
• Had TWO major surgeries, one of which traumatised my body so badly, that I briefly left my body (if you want to hear about that, lmk)
• Lost my Dad (and hero)

If I didn’t change my perspective on how I saw life I would not be here today. I have learned to look at every single experience in life, ‘good’ and ‘bad’ through the exact same lens, which is:

“What Have You Come to Teach Me?”

It’s the same way I look at a decade in which:

• I rebuilt my company to revenues and work I couldn’t dream of
• Landed some of the biggest clients in T&T and the world
• Changed how I live, eat, move and sleep
• Lowered my stress levels while upping my productivity
• Learned to embrace my spirituality
• Learned to love myself (truly)
• Picked a better quality of friends
• *I can’t say there was anyway I learned to live with the loss of my father.

By changing how I look at the things that came to destroy me — as teachers, as challengers — I turned the very events that should have broken me into the things that built me. And the things that should have inflated my ego, as events for which I am simply grateful.

With this viewpoint nothing positive or negative ‘happens to me’, instead I chose how I react to life’s events — because that is all they are — events — and I am grateful that I get to experience them.

Because the odds of my life-force taking human form on this planet, at this time, in these circumstances are so infinitesimally small that I am damn glad I get to be here.

For all of it.

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Except I called him Luis Hart. I knew who he was, but I was nervous. When they say you should never meet your heroes, now I get it.

You’ll embarrass yourself.

Every Friday, I would leave Presentation College, where, as a prefect, I could invent a reason to leave the compound to pick up a $1 copy of the TT Express newspaper and in it, BC’s column. A couple of things on this you need to understand, though:

• $1 was alot for me back then. It wasn’t an easy choice as in 2001/2002, you could either get a cup of soda fountain Coke for that $1 or add another dollar and buy a beef or cheese pie that would actually satiate you for the entire morning from recess to lunch. Inflation, folks.
  The point is I usually had $5 a day; this was a 20% purchase.
• Leaving school in uniform during school hours in those days was a risky predicament. Police could and would often stop and ask why you were out. And given that the entire walk to the newspaper vendor was the road to the school, a teacher could ask the same at any moment. Most times, they would understand. It makes you wonder why newspapers are not more readily available in schools (or at least libraries)
• No one was going to be caught dead buying a firetrucking newspaper. The only people who read those were grandparents and Government workers. Everyone else was rushing to get that week’s Showtime entertainment newspaper for the centre poster pin-up of Britney, Sean Paul or whoever it was that week. And the music lyrics. You younger Millennials and Z’s have no idea!

So, back to meeting BC, shoelaces hanging from my lips after attempting to swallow the foot in my mouth, he was most chill about the faux pas. It was one of those expensive events he probably equally loved and loathed — an opening of a restaurant packed with the glitterati and the who’s who. He seemed like I felt. At home, but out of place. Comfortably uneasy. He was happy with the small talk from the fawning, rambling, fumbling man-child. At some point, we went to refresh our drinks and parted ways.

In case you’re wondering, this was not that long ago. Feeling a little social anxiety, lost between the Faris-worshippers, the media, and the high-falutin business community types, I retreated to the restroom. I pull up to the urinals separated by those suggestions of dividers, and then here that voice go,

“So you want to work in radio or the newspapers?”

BC was also recouping from the onslaught of the society function outside and was now shadily taking the piss at me for my mistaking the iconoclastic newspaper man, for the infamous radio man, while actually taking a piss.

“Both actually, but I already do write for the newspapers,” I replied.

Now I had peaked his interest, and he asked which of the major dailies, to which I replied that I had so far published in two, hoping to hit the hat-trick as a freelancing wordsmith like him, before adding,

“Too bad The Independent isn’t around again.”

Score. He laughed.

The Independent was a short-lived fourth newspaper in our Fourth Estate in which BC had been one of the driving forces and voices. In fact, I had switched from buying the Express on Fridays to the Independent once he had moved over.

Finishing our urinal chat, we shook it twice (cuz three times, you’re playing with it), washed our hands and took our chat back into the restaturant that was now full of noise, but empty on conversation.

He soon realised that I was the person that would reply to his emails now and then — one time asking his advice on copyright and ownership after some struggles with one of the dailies). I told him that I aspired to write in newsprint because of him. To write for those who didn’t have a voice. To simplify the complex or to lighten the burden of what it sometimes means to be a Trini. And to voice the things that others could not see. He wasn’t one for praises, but he was appreciative.

BC was an accomplished Caribbean man. A barrister (lawyer, not a Starbucks coffee-maker) by training, he chose writing instead for his living. He was the editor of one of the longest-running magazines (on food — Cre Ole!), a keen cultural observer, a sometime film critic and an always unbiased political critic. He delivered words in a way that betrayed his high-brow choice of studies but did it so the everyday man, the ‘Trini to d Bone’ woman, could understand and enjoy.

He reminded us of our collective responsibility as a people and did it with uncommon humour and humility.

To the eternal Friday, thank God for BC Pires.

This National Savings Day we’ve put together some tips to help you save money on groceries.

Set your food budget

Before you figure out what you should be spending on food, it’s important to know what you are currently spending on food. Keep your grocery store receipts to get an idea of your spending habits. If you eat out, make sure to include this in what is being spent. Once you’ve done this, you can get an idea of where you can cut down on spending.

Plan your meals

With your budget in mind, create a list of meals you would like to make for the week and write a shopping list for all of the ingredients needed. Stick to this list when shopping for your groceries.

Top tip: When creating your meal plan, take a look at what food items are being offered on sale and base your meals around those deals.

Buy in season

Fruits and vegetables are cheaper when they are in season. Avoid waste by buying fresh fruit at different stages of ripeness. Choose some fruit that is ripe and ready to eat, and some that will ripen in a few days. That way you’ll have enough time to eat all your purchases. If you think you won’t eat them in time, you can put them in the freezer for a later date.

Buy frozen or canned

If fresh produce is out of season or its too expensive, frozen or canned items can be a great option as they are just as nutritious as fresh items. They will also have a longer shelf life. If using canned fruits, look for items that are canned in its own fruit juice rather than a syrup and if using canned vegetables, rinse them under water first to wash away some of the sodium.

Keep an eye out for promotions

Tru Valu regularly offers discounts on various grocery items. Every month we offer Tru Basics, big discounts on essential items for a limited time. You can find Tru Basics in-store, on Tru Valu’s social media page, or online at shop.doortodoor.com.

We currently have three specials ongoing:

● Double 10 Specials which offers discounts on various Chinese grocery items including sesame oils and sauces. This promotion runs from the 3rd to the 12th of October 2022.

● Divali Specials which offers discounts on some pantry items, beverages, cheeses and spreads, frozen, and household items. This promotion runs from the 3rd to the 24th October 2022.

● 12 Month Giveaway where one lucky shopper will win $2000 in groceries every month when they spend $200 and over. Your total bill must include $25 in participating Nestle products which include their range of milks. This offer runs from August 22 2022 until August 19 2023.

Cook in bulk (or Meal Prep!)

For some people, preparing meals everyday is not an option as there may not be enough time to cook due to their schedules. Choose a day when you have the time to cook several meals at once, doubling up on recipes to ensure you have leftovers or to freeze for a later date. This way, you know there will always be food at home and it can cut down on how much money is spent on ordering in food.

Order groceries online

If you fall into the trap of adding items to your shopping cart that aren’t on your list, you will end up spending more than you intended. This can be avoided by doing your grocery shopping online. DoorToDoor is TruValu’s grocery delivery service which allows you to shop for most in-store items from the comfort of your home. One of the many perks of using DoorToDoor is that it allows you to search through their recipes and add the ingredients listed in a recipe straight to your cart.

Get to Saving!

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Tru Valu Supermarkets is one of Trinidad and Tobago’s leading supermarket brands. As a responsible supermarket chain we believe in educating and informing our customers to make responsible decisions each day to improve their wellness and wellbeing.

All of the content presented by Tru Valu Supermarkets on our Medium channel, including written text, photographs, videos, and graphics, as well as other resources we might include is meant to educate and it should not be perceived as a substitution for professional medical or financial advice, as well as diagnosis or treatment. Always consult your doctor, nutrition advisor and other specialists before making major lifestyle and diet changes.

Tru Valu Health and Wellness Program, Article 49

Information supplied by Kirstyn Church, Associate Nutritionist, Nutrition Consulting Services. TruWellness is managed by Huckleberry Media Company.

Budget Bites was originally published in Tru Wellness on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

It’s 10:30am and the table at Canvas Bistro is full of laughter as I join Blaxx and his team for breakfast shortly after Boxing Day 2015. A band member is hinting that their PR manager never brought the pastelles she promised over the season, which immediately triggers Blaxx to regale us all with how legendary his mother’s punch a crème is. Though we are at the cusp of one of the shortest and busiest Carnival seasons in years, this veteran of Soca shows no signs of worry or concern — something that he says has come with years of experience.

“We’re expecting at least three events every weekend — sometimes up to eight or nine as we get closer to the height of the season,” he explains. “Christmas was a busy season too, I think people don’t realize that I cover a range of music too. So while I love my Soca and Carnival, we had a number of Christmas corporate bookings too.” His PR manager chimes in, “He is one of the more versatile singers in the industry, so he can cover your Carnival fete or say, do a rendition of “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire too!”

“No way — Chestnuts?” I ask.

Blaxx immediately breaks into a rendition of the Christmas classic.

Persistence and the Work

What’s clear from meeting Blaxx (real name: Dexter Stewart) is that the passion for his craft is perhaps actually grown over his years in the industry. There are many a musical artiste who simply continue because it is all that they know or can do — but not one Dexter Stewart.

“My fans are my number one priority and that’s how it always will be. It is an unrealistic approach to simply put out a song or two and wait for it to be picked up. You have to push — the marketing, the PR, the actual making of the song, the riddim, lyrics, it’s all a series of moving parts that come together to make a hit. And even now I’m still learning about some of those parts. But the commitment is always to fans at the end of the day. As the artiste, YOU have to put in the work!”

And there’s a side of the artiste that many also perhaps only catch a glimmer of as he performs. He is very often found, taking a break between songs to chat with the crowd, share a story, and impart some nugget of wisdom or a joke.

A couple years ago in the heyday of Woodford Café, Movietowne’s Christmas party, I remember him telling the crowd that it was a difficult road for him to where he is today as a recognised face of the Soca fraternity. “They told me I was too black! I sweat too much. I’m not marketable!” he told the crowd before bursting back into another hit that everyone there knew, word-for-unmarketable-word. He remembers the moment and notes that a lot has changed since then. “I have moved past that. That was a time for me and a struggle, but eventually you get to a point where that doesn’t matter anymore.”

As we chat, he recognises that I have removed my sunglasses at the cafe as we started to chat, while the rest of the table have left theirs on, likely a consequence of too many late nights of rehearsal. “You work late too and on your computer there typing, you can put yours back on,” he adds.

Mine are some knock offs, his are labelled so I remark, “If I had nice ones like yours I wouldn’t take them off.”

He passes an extra pair over to me. I put ‘em on.

“You’re a creator too — a writer. You have to look and move like the boss you are.”

He approves of the look with a laugh and this photo he posts to his Instagram in the moment.

The Man Behind the Mythos

Along with some quiet contentment, has also come his own personal lifestyle changes. His eldest son Kello knocks on his door every morning to get the morning exercise regimen in. He himself has already had his breakfast of fruits before we started chatting. “Part of that energy on stage is the physical energy. Over the years I have learned to pace myself as I go from venue to venue, but maybe it’s a little bit of getting older too that I see the need to take better care of myself too,” he says with a laugh.

Another aspect largely unknown to most is the artiste’s penchant for always giving back — to people, to communities and more. “It’s in my nature to help people, if I can, I will. But that’s for me, something that I do personally — not for public knowledge.” His team recalls visiting Siparia just recently, where though he was raised in Morvant, is the place of his birth. A team member chimes in, “It was like the Prime Minister had come to visit!”

Blaxx himself has five beautiful children — three girls and two boys: Faith — the baby, Harmony, Lisey, Tyrrel, Kello — and ‘lots more throughout the world.’ “I love kids and I have hundreds of kids — god-children, adopted kids, those who passed through Roy Cape and all the younger creative people here that I take the time to mentor and chat with. I really believe that as a lead singer it’s important to impart that knowledge — so that you can tie the past and the future together with those who have influenced me, going on to influence others moving forward,” he points out.

“We have not realized just how far we have come as a creative force — we have other countries looking at our music and looking to it for inspiration and guidance. It’s spreading over the world like a wildfire and it’s time that we formulate this more formally as an industry,” he adds. But that is something I have talked and talked about and tried to help bring to fruition. In it’s time it will, I will say no more, but we really do have to be mindful of the immense strides we have made and the success we have achieved.”

The same can be said, about the artiste we know and love as Blaxx, and his team.

In the years that followed this interview for the 2016 Carnival season, Dexter never once passed me without stopping to chat. He loved people. He loved teaching and mentoring. He loved sharing. And he loved his fans, his music and his team.

I still wear my shades, indoors out and all around. Cuz Blaxx told me so.

A version of this originally appeared in the Trinidad and Tobago Newsday.
Dexter Lewis passed away on 28th March 2022 after a battle with covid-19. His unique voice and catchy music can be found in a great mix here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKY4GUmdw4s.

I found myself puzzled at the carnage of the past few days, weeks, months. There are those moments in life where one piece of bad news meets another and then another still until you can do nothing but be immobilised by it. And then there’s another.

Like all events in life, I look for the message behind the medium. But that gets harder when you lose a friend or are greeted with someone’s news of suffering that no human should ever have to endure. In those moments, you question so much about balance, peace and God herself. And it is precisely in those moments that we see that the most challenging events bring the harshest of lessons — the ones that we cannot learn in a calm day at sea but can only derive in the fiercest of squalls.

With so much loss of life in the last year that we are told about daily through national and international medical updates, it’s easy to think we live in some of the worst times ever in history. But imagine, for context, that global mainstream media existed in WWII. The comparison doesn’t equate when you factor in the despair and loss of life.

Every day, good and bad things happen. But when the news lands in your garden, it’s hard to see out of the darkness. In these sobering times, the message for me has been that the chaos provides an opportunity for laser-like focus — clarity. Not on the vapid din that embraces our being every day — but on the things that truly matter.

The Thing We Truly Have

The things that matter are often the things we overlook on those sunny days at sea. We neglect our health, assuming it will always be 100%. We ignore our family members — they’ve been here all along, where else will they go? We don’t stop to have that chat with a friend because they will be here tomorrow, or we seek other goals at the expense of those friends. We ignore what we think we have as we seek the things we think we need to have.

And in so doing, we ignore the only thing we have — time.

We do not have friends or partners and lovers; we do not have family members. They aren’t ours. The only thing we have is time with them.

And that notion demands that we be present. That we be there for them. That we see and don’t observe. That we listen and don’t just hear. That we love even in the times when it’s difficult.

The carnage of this world for all intents and purposes hasn’t changed. The world isn’t (statistically at least) deadlier or darker. Our constant and immediate exposure to it is what’s changed. We haven’t plunged deeper into the abyss; we simply have been learning its size and scope.

In Clarity, Calm and New Coasts

With a correct adjustment to the things that matter — in that clarity, we find calm — the sense of self that is our true nature as human beings. No baby is ever fixated on anything other than love and perhaps, the next meal. But somewhere along the journey, we are taught and heralded into a world of hustle and false goals and false gods. Many of the events of our life are forcing us back to our true nature of serenity. Many of the things that happen to us are hurting us but also seeking to help us.

The irony is that should we persist in that state of calm, more will come. But as soon as we adjust to a loss or as soon as we feel better from the struggle, we set out into treacherous seas again.

The lesson we need to learn from the chaos and carnage is clarity and calmness. But that is the start of the journey.

Sometimes, like Zeno the Stoic philosopher, we are shipwrecked to find shores unknown.

“Now that I’ve suffered shipwreck, I’m on a good journey,” — Zeno.