Companies need employees who are engaged beyond simply getting their jobs done. They need connected employees who help to push innovation, agility, and efficiency across the entire organization. These types of people make up boundary-pushing teams that break the mold, excel at their work, and become truly masterful in their industry space.

The trend of “quiet quitting” works 180 degrees against that objective. Fortunately, there is a cure for quiet quitting. It is absolutely possible to help an employee shift from disengaged, coasting, and skimming, to being an important contribution to the team.

At its most essential, the idea is to create a shift in employees’ perspectives away from, “this company doesn’t care about me and it doesn’t matter what I do” to, “I have value, I matter, and I make a difference.”

A team member who believes the latter will have a completely different experience than one that believes the former.

The truth is that each person does have something valuable to bring to the table, that’s why they were hired in the first place. The goal in preventing quiet quitting is having everyone in your organization participate in moving your goals forward, and seeing that they are an integral part of that success. Leaders play a huge part in that shift to having people see that they matter.

What is Quiet Quitting?

Navigating the unspoken epidemic of “quiet quitting” feels like walking a tightrope. The underlying narrative of employees is, “This organization doesn’t value me, so why invest my all?” Leaders, in the opposing corner, are balancing shareholder expectations and market competitiveness. It’s a tug-of-war, but the rope is fraying fast.

As leaders, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing employees as units of productivity. Yet, the view from the employee’s desk is equally myopic: organizations are often perceived as soulless machines, churning profit at the expense of well-being. This disconnect isn’t just a business issue; it’s a crisis of humanity within our organizations.

What we need here isn’t just empathy but a strategy. Yes, you can quantify the human element; it’s not merely “soft skills” or nebulous values. In my coaching practice, I’ve seen how fostering psychological safety and promoting authentic dialogues can lead to tangible results. As the data points out, a people-centric approach isn’t just ethically sound-it’s financially savvy.

So, how do we bridge this glaring divide? The answer lies in the confluence of courage, vulnerability, and actionable leadership. It’s about transforming our organizational cultures into spaces where people feel seen and heard. Not just for the sake of humanity, but for the survival and success of the business.

In summary, let’s be brave enough to dismantle this culture of silent disengagement. Let’s combine evidence-based strategies with the kind of leadership that embraces the whole human. It’s not a zero-sum game; it’s a win-win opportunity that just demands a little courage, a dash of science, and a whole lot of heart.

The Solution: Putting People at the Center

In my journey as an executive coach, I’ve immersed myself in the complexities of leadership, effective communication, DISC behavioral styles, teamwork, and the practical aspects of training and development. Over time, I’ve identified what I refer to as the “Three Key Drivers of Employee Disengagement”:

1. Lack of Psychological Safety: This is when employees hesitate to share their ideas or concerns because they fear criticism or backlash. This inhibits creativity and innovation, and actually causes more apathy and low performance.
2. Disconnection from Work: This happens when work feels more like a routine chore rather than a meaningful task, leading to disengagement. Employees may feel disengaged from the culture, their peers or their own values in conjunction with the company values.
3. Weak Team Dynamics: This occurs when employees feel emotionally disconnected from their team, leading to a lack of collaboration and shared goals. We aren’t saying that everyone needs to be best friends at work, but there’s a level of healthy respect that’s missing in highly disengaged workplaces.

“People don’t leave companies; they leave managers.”

A 2020 study by the Society for Human Resources Management (SHRM) underscores this:

• 84 percent of American workers believe that poorly trained managers create unnecessary work and stress.
• 57 percent feel that managers in their workplace could benefit from training in better people management.
• 50 percent think their own performance would improve if their direct supervisor received additional people management training.

Managers, Step In

When you notice team members quietly disengaging, the first step is to reestablish their connection with themselves, their team, and the company. The quickest way to achieve this is often through their manager, whether it’s you or someone else.

We must find practical ways to make employees feel valued. When employees perceive their manager’s genuine interest in their well-being, everything improves.

A manager’s role is not just about task management; it’s about leading people effectively. In a fast-paced world, there are moments when we need to pause and remember that it’s not about being the best in the world, but about being the best for the world. Through fostering an environment that places your team’s needs at the forefront, you’ll notice how they organically prioritize each other and your customers with a practical and grounded approach.

“Your organization’s goals will only move forward when each individual realizes they are an irreplaceable part of that success. The moment you shift your leadership lens from ‘What can they do for me?’ to ‘How can I serve them?’, you’re not just preventing quiet quitting-you’re crafting a culture of enthusiastic engagement.” — Kim Carpenter, CEO — People at the Center

6 Ways Managers Can Create Connection and Minimize Quiet Quitting

Open up authentic dialogue.

Ask, “How are you, really?”and then actively listen. The key here is to create an environment that signals it’s okay to speak candidly. Put your judgment on hold, focus intently, and facilitate a conversation that allows for honest responses. You might uncover insights that are both unexpected and invaluable.

Prioritize your one-on-ones.

Nearly all of my coaching clients mention that weekly one-on-ones aren’t prioritized by their manager. One client reported, “My manager will show up 10 minutes late, and need to leave five minutes early. Or they call me from their car as they are driving, so they are not focused. So the conversation may be 10–15 minutes long, and there’s no time for me to share anything beyond a quick check in on progress. The conversations about my career advancement or what I could improve are forgotten. When I bring this up, they suggest we talk about it ‘next time’, but the same thing happens over and over.” Sound familiar?

Managers, this doesn’t help you get the best from your people. Hold your one-on-one sessions sacred. Make sure you get a chance to connect with the team member for the full meeting time. Learn about them and find out how you can support them.

You can also ask them to prepare an agenda for what’s discussed to be sure they are covering what they really need to talk about. Remember that these conversations are often more difficult for them than they are for you as their manager. How might you remember to bring connection into each call you have?

Utilize Team Health Checks.

Create ways to talk as a team about what’s working and what’s not working. I’ve created a Team Health Check exercise that’s incredibly empowering for teams. It’s a structure for checking in, assessing the health of several important areas, and making improvements, if needed.

This process can be the difference between a disgruntled, disconnected team, and an engaged, eager and collaborative team. I highly suggest you implement it.

Conduct Regular Stay Interviews.

The idea of “exit interviews” is well-known, but why wait until someone has already decided to leave? Conduct regular “stay interviews” to gauge job satisfaction, identify pain points, and discuss career aspirations. This proactive measure is grounded in research that emphasizes the importance of understanding intrinsic motivators for enhanced job commitment.

Create Peer-Mentorship Programs.

Studies have demonstrated the positive effects of mentorship on job satisfaction and performance. However, the source of mentorship doesn’t always have to be higher up; it can be lateral as well. Peer-mentorship fosters a culture of collective responsibility for each other’s growth and satisfaction, thereby reducing the sentiment that might lead to quiet quitting.

Host Innovation Tournaments.

One reason people engage in quiet quitting is the belief that their ideas are not valued. Host periodic “innovation tournaments” where everyone in the team can pitch ideas for projects or process improvements. The winner gets resources to implement their idea. This practice is supported by research showing that giving employees opportunities for voice and autonomy reduces turnover intentions.

Remember, these practices aren’t just boxes to check. They’re the foundation for a culture where people feel like they belong and can bring their full selves to work. When you build an environment like that, great work is the natural outcome.

Put Your People First and Have Them Win

If you’re looking for ways to rally your team, get them more engaged, and ultimately more productive, focusing on making individuals feel heard and valued is almost always the answer. It can be tough to jump in on your own, so if you’d like help getting started, reach out today. to set up a Momentum Session with us so we help you move forward faster.

Originally published at https://www.peopleatthecenter.com on September 11, 2023.

Let’s face it, when we talk about organizational excellence, conversations often steer toward metrics, performance indicators, and revenue numbers. But isn’t it strange that we seldom take a moment to ask, “How’s the team really doing?” I’m not talking about hitting quarterly targets or attaining short-term KPIs. I mean, do you genuinely know the emotional climate of your team — the group dynamics, the trust, and the fulfillment levels?

The Business Case for Team Health Checks

Let’s be clear: A healthy team isn’t just an aspirational concept — it’s an essential business strategy. This is not merely a humanitarian endeavor; it’s about organizational resilience and profitability. Here’s what’s at stake:

Reducing Turnover: Teams that are nurtured within an environment of trust are significantly less prone to attrition — a phenomenon that can be expensive, both emotionally and monetarily.

Unlocking Innovation: High trust levels and smooth communication can be a hotbed for groundbreaking ideas. Your next disruptive innovation is more likely to be birthed in a team that shares a collective psyche.

Being Crisis-Averse: Regular Team Health Checks provide leaders with the timely insights needed to intervene before minor issues become crises. It’s akin to catching the flu before it turns into pneumonia.

Elevating Job Satisfaction: Greater satisfaction doesn’t just make for happier employees; it makes for more productive ones. In an era where employee engagement is pivotal, this is non-negotiable.

Given these stakes, can you afford not to invest in the health of your team?

Designing Your Custom Team Health Check

With over two decades in the field of executive coaching and talent development, I’ve developed a comprehensive guide for crafting your own Team Health Checks. This isn’t just a managerial exercise; it’s strategic leadership in action.

The framework I propose is intended to spark self-awareness, instigate meaningful conversations, and generate actionable steps for team growth. During this evaluative process, your team should identify 3–7 focus areas that require consistent scrutiny. The goal is to have a shared understanding of what “healthy” and “unhealthy” conditions look like for each identified domain.

An Exemplar Team Health Check

What makes this process unique is its co-creative nature. Every team member should be a part of this evaluation, leading to a democratic definition of “health” across each focus area. Be prepared for this exercise to challenge your preconceived notions and enlighten you with perspectives you hadn’t considered before.

The output of this exercise is a shared vision, framed through collective wisdom. To facilitate this, I’ve prepared a downloadable PDF guide, taking you step-by-step through your own Team Health Check.

[Download the Team Health Check Guide Here]

Operationalizing Your Framework

Understanding the pulse of your team isn’t a one-time task; it’s ongoing maintenance work. The framework should be periodically revisited to accommodate for the ever-evolving nature of teams and their dynamics. I recommend a quarterly review to ensure that you are consistently in tune with the team’s well-being.

Cultivating a Culture of Open Dialogue

For these Health Checks to be fruitful, establish a designated time that’s free from other work commitments. Open, authentic conversations can only occur when team members feel their input is valued. Leaders, take note: Silence is not an absence of opinion but rather a space that invites contribution from even the most introverted members.

Facilitation Tip: To get quieter folks talking, say something like, “I’d like to get insights from all voices. Who has something to contribute that hasn’t spoken yet?” Or, “It’s important that we each have a chance to share perspectives. Take 3 minutes now to write some notes for yourself about these categories, then we’ll each take a turn to contribute our views.”

Translating Insights into Strategic Actions

Upon aggregating the collective insights from your team, the next move is to convert these data points into a tangible action plan. As the orchestrator of this process, your role as a leader expands beyond management; you become a mentor and, occasionally, a mediator. Here are some pointers:

Immediate Interventions: Certain issues might warrant swift action. Whether it’s a discord within the team or a resource gap, address these as priority.

Strategic Planning: Some solutions require a long game, which could even mean changes at an organizational level.

Leverage Your Assets: Recognizing your team’s strengths allows for a more balanced strategy, optimizing what works while improving what doesn’t.

The Value of an External Lens

There are moments when the guidance of an external expert can provide invaluable insights. As a seasoned executive coach, I can infuse your Team Health Checks with an objective, yet nuanced perspective. Let’s talk!

Team Health Checks aren’t a luxury; they’re a necessity — an investment in the human capital that drives your organization. By incorporating these into your organizational culture, you’re not merely shining the facade of your building; you’re fortifying its very foundation.

[Download the Team Health Check Guide Here]

Everyone’s a little nervous right now, have you noticed?

We’re all dealing with a challenging work environment. Leadership is freaked out about economic instability (is a recession coming? Wait, is it not coming? Are we already in a recession? What’s going on!?) Employees are wondering the same thing (am I getting laid off? Am I safe? What do I need to do to keep my job?)

Economists keep saying we’re not in a recession, and yet, companies are laying people off left and right. At the end of February, Elon Musk laid off another 200 employees — or roughly 10% of his remaining staff. Stalwart Disney is planning about 7,000 layoffs (some are calling it a “bloodbath”, very off brand for the family-friendly giant).

Indeed.com is planning to lay off about 2,200 people (~15% of their total staff). Google, Amazon, Microsoft, oh my! Need I go on? If you want to see a more comprehensive list of tech layoffs, check it out here.

All of this essentially amounts to one big question in the mind of almost every American employee right now: How the heck do I keep my job!?

Even Small Companies are Getting Nervous

With so many layoffs in the news, even people at small companies start to get nervous. And when people get nervous, it affects everything.

Nerves like that have a physiological impact on us, and guess what? It’s not for the better. When we think we could be on the brink of losing our livelihood, we shift into a fear response. I wrote about this recently, and talk about it all the time: when we feel fear, we risk having an “amygdala hijack”, a biological response that is intended to protect us (but ultimately usually just ends up sabotaging us).

To quote my previous article, “Why does this happen? One reason lies in your lovely brain — an almond-sized part of the brain called the amygdala that has the job of constantly scanning your environment for threats. When it senses a threat, it triggers the release of the “fight, flight, freeze or appease” response, along with stress-inducing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.”

Fortunately for those of us who study amygdala hijack and understand how to recognize it, we can avoid the negative outcomes that often occur if it’s left unchecked.

It might look like employees feeling scared to speak up, even though they’ve noticed something that needs to be addressed. Their amygdala senses a threat (“maybe I’ll get laid off if I rock the boat!”) so they simply sit quietly and hope someone else can take the risk of making a suggestion.

…And that kind of behavior is ultimately very bad for companies.

Cancel Culture Affects All of Us

We’re all living and working in this tricky environment of fear and cancel culture. We’ve all seen or heard of someone getting written off for something they’ve said or written — even if it was years and years ago! It’s scary! So people are feeling like they have to be super careful about everything they say and do.

And that’s not exactly a good environment for building trust and taking risks.

I feel this myself! Sometimes I feel super nervous about what to share on LInkedIn because I have no idea what hate speech might pop up in the comments. Will I accidentally write something that someone thinks is offensive? I know I’m not the only one feeling this way at the moment.

We now live in a culture where it’s not safe to speak up and speak out and be seen, and this affects women in particular. Women generally incur more scrutiny in the workplace. Fortunately, there are now many companies beginning to bring more awareness to unconscious and conscious bias, but in many cases, the same companies that talk a big talk are slow to create a work environment that allows everyone to step into power and have a voice.

What is the Solution?

I’m not here to point out a bunch of problems without offering some ideas, so let’s dig in.

For employees, it’s time to build your capacity to remain calm, centered, and confident even in the face of great challenges in the workplace. You won’t be able to control everything that happens to you, but you can learn to manage your reaction to them.

When things get me down, I often think about world leaders like Nelson Mandela who remained peaceful, positive and forgiving during and after 27 years in prison. We humans are capable of miraculous things.

Don’t try to handle everything alone. Get support from trusted colleagues, friends, or even hire a coach or therapist to talk it through and develop new skills with. See if your organization offers services around mental health. Take advantage of the therapy sessions often included with your health insurance policy. There are people out there who would love nothing more than to support you.

For employers, it’s about making space for your employees to show up and speak up. Create an environment of trust and respect that honors and uplifts all voices. Advocate for others, especially the people who are historically marginalized, and those that tend to be quieter. Make uncovering your unconscious bias part of your leadership development plans. Step up as a leader that encourages open communication and invites new ideas. Above all, listen, and then listen some more. Then take action on what people tell you they need.

Yes, all of this can be challenging. No, you don’t need to have all the answers. That’s why people like me exist. My job is to work with teams and individuals in cultivating exactly this kind of inclusive, resilient culture. Want to chat about it? Click here to find a time.

Why People at the Center? The numbers don’t lie. Many studies show that investing in developing your people and your culture is essential for creating a successful business. When employees feel valued and appreciated, they are better equipped to provide excellent service, leading to higher customer satisfaction — and ultimately stronger financial results.

By prioritizing the needs of their people, organizations can create an environment that encourages growth and innovation while fostering camaraderie among employees and affinity toward the organization at large.

Gartner studies show that employees who operate in people-centric work models — where they are seen as individuals, not just resources — are 3.8 times more likely to be high performing.

Great Place To Work has found that great workplaces foster an environment of clear communication, fairness, respect, and trust — while creating opportunities for people to grow as employees, and as individuals.

Atlassian, awarded “Best Medium Company To Work At” reports that 98% of employees say they’re proud to tell others where they work, and the same percentage also agree they can count on their leaders to act with integrity. Can you say the same of your company?

We founded People at the Center to support business owners and leaders to transcend the old command-and-control models of work, and shift to creating environments that bring out the best in people. We value and teach respect, authenticity, deep listening, candor and kindness.

As a result of being a People at the Center company, our clients like The Renewal Workshop reported over 95% satisfaction rating in Employee Engagement scores.

Our People at the Center Manifesto outlines the type of leadership culture we help our clients create:

Studies show that having a people-centric culture means high levels of engagement and job satisfaction among employees. Carolina Valencia, vice president in the Gartner HR practice shares, “Employers need to see their employees as people first and foremost. Our research shows that 82% of employees say it’s important for their organization to see them as a person, not just an employee, yet only 45% of employees believe their organization actually sees them this way.”

How do you reap the benefits of a People-Centric Culture? Investing in your people through initiatives such as employee training, recognition programs, increased access to career advancement opportunities, flexible schedules and hybrid workplace strategy can lead to tangible business results.

Develop leaders before you need them.

Companies need to think about developing leaders before they need them, which is why we created our Leadership Coaching and World Changing Women Group Coaching Programs. Lee-Anne Vallée stated at the ReimaginingHR Conference, “Organizations today don’t have the leadership pipelines they need, and weak leadership benches lead to slower revenue growth, slower profit growth and hiring externally more frequently than desired.”

Develop succession roadmaps and leadership training as a smart strategy for creating long-term success.

Good news travels fast!

When your culture is thriving, people tell their friends and former colleagues. Suddenly you’re one of those companies where productivity skyrockets and employee satisfaction scores soar…. but creating this doesn’t happen overnight.

It takes constantly tending to your People-First Strategy, and three core pillars of: Connected Communication, People-Centric Leadership, and Aligned Teamwork.

If you’re ready to create a more people-centric work environment and experience for your employees, we want to get the most useful information into your hands as quickly as possible. To that end, every other week we’ll be sharing real-world stories, inspiration, tips and interviews from companies who are on the leading edge of this new world of work.

Join us

We’d love to hear your stories too! Join us in shifting the narrative of work to one that honors the human being and boosts the bottom line. Subscribe to this newsletter and pass it on!

About Kim Carpenter

Kim Carpenter is a global speaker, author, coach and founder of People at the Center™, a coaching and training firm working with purpose-driven companies to retain top talent and develop leadership cultures that honor the human and boost the bottom line.

Over the past 25 years as an executive, mentor and coach, Kim has helped hundreds of business leaders achieve higher employee engagement, and millions of dollars in financial gain for their organizations by being more people-centric, and professionals elevate their career to receive promotions, pay increases, and jobs in new professions.

People at the Center offers one-on-one executive coaching, team training and company offsite experiences in Connected Communication, Aligned Teamwork and People-Centric Leadership. Find more about our programs at www.peopleatthecenter.com.

Anyone who has worked in Corporate America understands that your “boss” can make or break your work experience. As author Ryan Holiday says in his book Discipline is Destiny, “Being the ‘boss’ is a job. Being a ‘leader’ is something you earn… by moments of sacrifice… when you take the hit or the responsibility on behalf of someone else.”

Bad bosses come in many forms, but generally speaking, they are ineffective leaders because they don’t consider the needs of others over themselves. They can also turn the workplace into a scene of absolute misery.

“Bossism”

Since buying Twitter for $44 billion, Tech mogul billionaire Elon Musk has fired nearly half of the workforce — and even more employees have left on their own after experiencing his draconian management policies.

A recent New York Times article by Kevin Roose noted that Musk’s approach to leadership is essentially “bossism,” a term coined by writer John Ganz. Bossism supports a belief that big tech executives have given up too much power to their “lazy, overly-woke” employees.

For example, writer and crypto founder Antonio García Martínez reveres Musk’s Twitter takeover and even called it “a revolt by entrepreneurial capital” against the “ESG grifters” and “Skittles-hair people” who work for him.

Is this the kind of approach we want from our leaders? People who value profit over all else, with little consideration for the “Skittles-hair people” whose work makes these institutions possible in the first place?

Personally, I vote no, but don’t take my word for it: according to Microsoft’s Work Trend Index, 41% of the global workforce is considering a job change. In the U.S., only 33% of employees are actually engaged in their work. Engagement is important: when employees aren’t engaged, it means they’re unhappy with their job and dissatisfied with their work environment, which means they’re looking for other opportunities.

That translates to $1.5 billion spent every year in the U.S. looking for replacement workers. Alternatively, according to Gallup, companies with stronger employee engagement have 21% higher profitability than organizations with lower engagement.

People-centric leadership is essentially the opposite of what’s happening at Twitter, and at countless other companies across the country.

People-Centric Leadership

Being People-centric is a mindset, a way of being and a style of leadership that believes in honoring the value of human beings, and seeing them as your most important asset. When companies take a people-centric approach to building a business and culture, they intentionally support and develop people to not only learn new skills, but also to know themselves as capable, confident and self-empowered individuals.

In contrast to Bossism, the outpouring of respect and humanity that appeared in the news over NFL safety Damar Hamlin’s health has been heartening. After collapsing on the field from cardiac arrest, fans across the country worried for him. Large, powerful men cried openly on television. When the NFL told players they had five minutes to warm up and prepare to continue the game, the players pushed back. They said ‘no’, and refused to play. An hour later, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell formally suspended the game.

Thankfully, the players and coaches had enough leverage to demonstrate People-Centric leadership; they brought respect and dignity to the situation. No one was in the mood to watch football after a player lay lifeless on the field. It was a beautiful example of what it looks like to make a decision with compassion and put people at the center. It was the right thing to do.

Businesses Flourish When They Put People At The Center

When you get right down to it, companies only exist because there are people making all aspects of the business run. People at the Center’s mission is to bring forth a new world of work where people’s greatest potential is unleashed and leaders foster sustainable, healthy, humanizing teams that drive the company’s success.

If you identify yourself as a leader, you have probably also thought about what your metrics for success are. If it is about having a reputation as a company that people love to work at, that retains top talent even when they get better financial offers elsewhere, that fuels innovation and has a lasting positive legacy, you know that you have to create that culture. It’s intentionally built; it does not happen by chance.

One Gartner 2022 research study revealed, “Organizations that are able to develop more human leaders will find that these leaders’ teams have less turnover, higher engagement scores and better well-being,” said Caitlin Duffy, director of research in the Gartner HR practice. “Although these qualities may have been important for good leadership in the past, today they are non-negotiable — particularly to compete in today’s new talent landscape.”

Our clients share that through our programs they are able to improve their leadership and communication, build on strengths and overcome areas of difficulty, develop a high degree of influence and better negotiation skills, and increase their self-confidence, decisiveness and authority. All of this contributes to teams achieving goals more consistently, which in turn results in better company performance.

So, what style of leadership will you choose for yourself and your company? Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself:

• What are qualities that my favorite leaders share? Do I see these qualities in myself?
• What is important to me in my own leadership style? What values drive this?
• How do I want people to feel when I am leading them?
• What can I do to help the people around me become the best version of themselves, and the best possible leaders?
• Where can I do better?

Join me in creating a work environment filled with the types of leaders we hope to work with and ultimately become. If you’d like to learn more about developing your own skills or bringing people-centric leadership to your organization, we’d love to talk with you.

Slinking into the classroom for the first time, I tried to look unassuming, but the teacher caught my eye and said, “There’s a free desk right here in the front row.” I took a deep breath, slid my books into the metal frame under my wooden chair, took out a notebook and pretended to write something in it. I knew what was coming next.

“OK, everybody. Let’s welcome, Kim. She’s new here and just moved from Germany.” All eyes turned my way and I could feel them starting at my out-of-place clothes. I forced a smile and a tiny nod.

I’d been in this situation 8 times by the time I was in the 10th grade — New kid. Middle of the school year. Uncertain. Unknown. Uncomfortable. Unsure of myself.

When you’re a kid in a military family, you’re called a military “brat”. I have no idea why, because most other brats I know are the most disciplined, successful and motivated people I’ve ever met. We’re also trained to deal with uncertainty and change from a young age, which comes in really handy when dealing with a crisis situation like the one we’re in now.

As the daughter of an Army helicopter pilot, our family got stationed at a new military base about every three years, and we often had to switch housing multiple times during those stints. Change became my middle name, and I learned a thing or two about managing my way through it.

Here are a few things I learned growing up in a military family that I hope supports you during this COVID-19 Pandemic:

The first lesson of military life is that “Home” is wherever you are at the moment.

We used to have a cross-stitched sign that hung in the bathroom that read, “Home Is Where The Army Sends You.” But really, you learn to source Home from inside of yourself.

You find Home by being connected to the people you love. Even if you’re forced to distance yourself physically, you don’t have to distance yourself emotionally. Know that you have a home inside of you and in the love around you that nobody can take away.

The second lesson is that change is the only constant.

Everything is changing all of the time. Seasons change. The world changes. People’s lives change. That’s just reality, but most of us would rather eat dirt than deal with big changes.

In the military change is thrust upon you. Change in location, language, culture, climate, housing, or circumstance can happen at any time, out of the blue. When you realize that change is natural, and release control of every little thing, you begin to allow life to be what it is — ever-changing. The journey of being alive becomes the thing you relish.

Which leads me to the third lesson…

None of us know how long we get to be here, so be grateful for the moments you have.

When a political upheaval happens in a faraway land, and your dad leaves in the middle of the night with no warning, you start to understand how precious every moment is.

When life is touch-and-go in times of war, in times of pandemic, in times of great uncertainty… love the life you have. Love the people you love. Speak your gratitude each and every day.

These three things have been my bedrock, and they’ve carried me far. I’ve traveled to over 37 countries, many of those times alone. I’ve lived on four continents, recreated my life and career multiple times, and made friends around the world who are now my global family.

Make these things your bedrock:

• Find your home inside of yourself
• Embrace change
• Be grateful for the moments you have

Be well, my friend. Know you are not alone. Know you are loved.

I want to send out a special message of thanks to our doctors and healthcare workers, the soldiers on the front lines of this battle. Thank you to all of the companies donating and pivoting to create masks and equipment. To the people helping their neighbors get food and supplies and care. To the countless people giving love and encouragement and smiles and songs to loved ones and strangers alike. Thank you. Bless you.

It was the year 2001 and I had just been through a challenging divorce that forced me to rebuild my finances from zero. I was desperate to understand why it happened, and how to deal with my personal feelings of shame and confusion. At the same time, I was catapulting up the corporate ladder in New York City’s advertising industry faster than ever and starting to rebuild my bank account… but questioning everything in my life.

Inside I knew I was ready for a huge leap… and I knew something big was coming. I just couldn’t see what it was or how to get there.

And then 9/11 happened.

The tech crash soon followed.

In a few short months, I found myself out of a job, in the middle of a recession, with no clear direction and no savings.

When life turns upside down, you basically have two choices:

1. The “Go-it-alone, trial and error, figure it out yourself” route, or the
2. “Seek support, and learn from those who’ve been there and can show you how” path

In the time leading up to 9/11 and getting laid off, I had learned a LOT and had made impressive leaps up the corporate ladder, but I knew there was something much bigger calling me. Inside, I had a distinct knowing that it was my time to step up as a leader and this feeling like, “It’s now or never!”

I had never invested in “self-improvement” beyond stuff like massages or pedicures and paying for a coach at that time seemed insane. After all, I just lost my job, right? But I knew that I needed to do something radically different in order to see the radical change I wanted.

When I picked up the phone to call my best friend, I was hoping she’d talk me out of it. Maybe she’d tell me I was right; it was crazy, and I could just forget it. It didn’t make logical sense to spend thousands of dollars on a coaching package! I had given up my expensive Park Slope brownstone rental and downsized to a smaller place, but still, paying for a coach was way beyond my comfort zone.

My friend said to me, “Kim, it does sound kind of crazy, but it also sounds like something you should do. I say go for it!”

What my best friend saw was that this wasn’t an investment in my career path, it was an investment in ME. She also believed in me even more than I could believe in myself. (That’s what best friends are for anyway, right?)

So, even though I was afraid to spend the money, I was even more afraid to go back into a field that I didn’t feel aligned with — advertising. I knew it would be going back to the golden handcuffs, and something in me died at the mere thought of that.

I knew I needed the accountability and support and guidance of a leadership coach to really make the changes I wanted to see. I have not been the same person since I said YES to myself in that massive way.

Here are some of the things I’ve done since:

• Fulfilled my dream of taking a year-long sabbatical
• Lived in an ashram in India, meditating and studying the science of motivation
• Co-facilitated coaching workshops in Israel
• Relocated from New York City to a beautiful mountain town in British Columbia, Canada, where I found true community and wellbeing
• Become a dual Canadian-US Citizen with two passports
• Enriched my life by traveling to over 37 countries, many alone
• Used my leadership coaching skills to grow a digital marketing agency in Canada by 90X in two years
• Built my own leadership coaching practice that I run from a computer anywhere in the world
• Coached hundreds of professionals in leadership, resilience, and business development
• Ran my coaching practice from Bali for 6 months

Hiring a leadership coach is not for everyone, to be sure. Some prefer to stay in their comfort zone, grow little by little, and find their success that way, which is great. That was not my path. I wanted to make huge progress and fast and I knew I couldn’t do it alone.

If you are like I was — you know you’re meant for more, and you’re ready to make a huge leap even in the midst of the uncertainty and crisis — I want to help you find the right support.

Over the years I’ve had several coaches and mentors and I’ve learned (the hard way sometimes) how to pick the one that works best for you.

Here are a few questions to consider when choosing a coach or mentor:

· Do they have a proven track record of people they’ve helped?

· Did you trust them immediately?

· Have they been in business as a coach for a long time? (You define that for yourself, but I’d say at minimum 5 years full time.)

· Does their expertise fill your skill gaps?

· Will they force you into their process or encourage you to trust yourself?

When you look for a leadership coach, be sure to find someone who constantly challenges herself and stays out of her own comfort zone. That way you know you’ll have someone who will encourage you to stay out of yours.

Most importantly, you want someone who will not only coach you to find your own answers but teach and share with you what they personally did right and wrong. Because even though you don’t want to suffer the same mistakes, you do need to gain the learning that comes from making them.

— —

Kim Carpenter is a leadership coach and founder of World Changing Women, a support ecosystem for female business leaders longing to make a bigger difference for humanity. You can find more at www.kimcarpenter.net or www.worldchangingwomen.com

How to lead in turbulent times… especially when you don’t feel like it

I used to think that people had this “leadership” thing inside of them, or they didn’t. I thought those who led didn’t experience the fear, doubt, and frozen-ness that the rest of us do. I thought there was a magical elixir made just for them that allowed them to show up as extraordinary. I thought they were somehow born for it, while the rest of us weren’t.

Now I know that we were all born for it. We all have the elixir. And, we all have a fearful voice inside of us as well.

Leadership is taking responsibility to quiet that voice and choose to amplify the stronger, steady voice inside that knows what to do.

Leadership is a choice.

If you feel sad and lethargic and frozen, it’s ok. It’s natural.

For myself, in the midst of all of this craziness, I also found out a friend of mine has brain cancer… again. So, last night I numbed out with chocolate and wine and Netflix.

I’ve also been expelling energy by talking instead of doing my meditation practice. I’ve succumbed to worry and constriction instead of spending time breathing, reflecting and writing. I’ve even not spoken up when I disagreed with something instead of expressing a deeper truth.

If you’ve done some of these things, forgive yourself. None of the crappy feelings you’re having make you any less of a leader.

Just choose to lead.

Choose to use all of the skills, talents, and gifts you’ve cultivated through your life to stand up for what’s right. Use them to generate a peaceful, open heart and clear mind.

If you’re reading this, I know you’ve been training for this all of your adult life, and maybe longer.

Now’s not the time to wait for someone else to speak up first. Now’s not the time to wait until you’re “more ready”. Now’s not the time to get your message perfect before sharing.

Now is your time. Time for action. Time for showing up as the beautifully imperfectly perfect leader you are.

If not now, then when?

Get great at having the hard conversations so that you and your business can thrive.

As a business coach, I work with so many founders and startup teams who are incredible, smart, inspiring and determined. They live, eat and breathe their business venture. They tirelessly tweak their pitch, face rejection and take emotional and financial risks that would leave most normal humans trembling under the covers.

So why, in spite of this tremendous courage, do I consistently hear that great ideas die on the vine because people aren’t having courageous conversations?

At a conference this week for female founders, I heard story after story of struggle due to misunderstanding, miscommunication, hidden agendas, or simply an avoidance of having a hard conversation. Founders reported being cautious about talking to their investors in real, authentic ways. Power plays happen between team members and disagreements go unresolved, which erode trust and build a rocky foundation on which nothing survives.

I’ve also had conversations with VCs about hiring coaches for their startup founders or putting people through Communication For Leadership programs. Their responses always go something like, “We’ll be their coaches. We’ll mentor them.”

To be sure, startups need to be smart about where they are investing their money and energy. It’s important to be lean, scrappy and resourceful. However, when you notice that the communication stops because issues aren’t being spoken about, that’s the time to invest in the most important asset of your business — you and your team.