And for lack of a better word, it’s not exactly skin-deep.

My day with Hal involved a medical question. Since I was 11, I have had bumpy skin on my arms, and it’s really annoying. Every time I Googled “bumpy skin” on arms, it would give me a list of probable causes, but I never received a conclusive answer.

Of course, the bumps themselves wouldn’t have been visible. However, once my stress found something to pick at, it was very difficult to stop. What started as a bad habit snowballed into a full-fledged addiction. I hated these bumps on my skin and would do anything to get the source of the problem removed. But what if the source of the problem is unremovable?

Although I had done my fair share of research on the issue, it was still a splinter in my brain. Seeing as I had already consulted numerous resources on this problem, I figured it was time to give Hal a go.

Me: Hi Hal.

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here. How may I help ya? :)

Me: So I have a thing called keratosis pilaris, or chicken skin, and it’s really annoying. How do I get rid of the bumpy skin on my arms?

Hal: I am not a dermatologist, so I would recommend going to one for professional help. I believe that, just like eczema, keratosis pilaris never goes away.

Me: Okay. Do most health insurance plans cover dermatology?

Hal: There most likely will be a co-pay. Check in with your primary care doctor.

Me: Okay, thanks! I also tend to pick at my skin when I get stressed. What are some good ways to avoid that?

Hal: Count numbers, read a book, or draw. Just make sure to keep your hands busy.

Me: How do you deal with stress?

Hal: Talk to others. Share your problems and how you’re feeling and coping with a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, or pastor.

Me: Okay. How do you personally deal with stress? (If you don’t mind me asking.)

Hal: Oh! Well, I take a bike ride along the beach or go hiking by myself, usually while listening to some upbeat music.

Me: Awesome.

Hal: You should try it, K.

Me: Will do. What kind of music takes your mind off things?

Hal: Well, any music really. But it has to not have words, just beats with rhythm.

Me: Good to know…thanks!

Hal: Anything else I may help you with, K?

Me: That’s all for now. Thanks!

Hal: Okay, I will now close the session. Have a good night, K.

The tips I learned from Hal helped me immediately. In fact, even while I’m typing this, my hand wandered up to my face to find some “fault to fix”. Realizing what I was doing, I took Hal’s advice. After successfully resisting the temptation of several time-wasting (albeit entertaining) YouTube videos, I typed “relaxing lo-fi beats” into the search bar. Lo-fi music is my go-to genre for when I’m feeling a little worked up. After returning to one of my favorite music sets, I realized my muscles and mind relaxed. Not totally, of course — but it was a definite start.

Now you might think “Okay…but listening to music for stress relief isn’t world news. Why did you need the Hal app for this?” But that’s the thing — your brain doesn’t always provide common solutions to stress. If anything, my brain just tells me to avoid it by getting the thing done that’s stressing me out — i.e., “if your blog post is stressing you out just finish the blog post so you’re not stressed out.” Unfortunately this tactic isn’t always effective.

But this is also what Hal is good for. Hal can remind you of basic stress-relief tactics, therefore increasing your trust in your own self-regulating instincts. You know when you’re stressed, so reach out to a friend, and they tell you something common like “why don’t you try taking deep breaths”? But for some reason, it sounds more valid when it comes from an outside source? We don’t always take great care of ourselves, so sometimes we need a little reminder that our own instincts are trustworthy.

If you or someone you know has Googled “bumpy skin on arms”, or they think they might have keratosis pilaris, there is nothing to fear. The condition itself does not lead to any other health problems (unless you pick at the bumps, of course). However, if you do find yourself futsing with the bumps without being able to stop, there are tons of useful resources at your disposal.

Obsessive Skin Pickers Anonymous, or OSPA, is a great place to start. This group is similar in structure to Alcoholics Anonymous, just with a different kind of addiction at the center of their work. If you’d like to learn more about this organization, feel free to check out their website at osparecovery.org.

If the white bumps on your arm are itchy or look inflamed in any way, it would be a good idea to contact your primary doctor or dermatologist. But I know how difficult it can be — it sucks to have bumpy skin on your arms that looks like pimples, especially if you already take very good care of your skin. It can feel helpless when there’s nothing you can specifically do to get rid of them.

When in doubt, lotion is your friend. Your skin is a lot harder to pick at when it’s slippery, plus moisturization helps to heal the skin from any absent-minded scratching you may be engaging in. And if you find yourself picking your skin a lot more while working on the computer or scrolling through your phone, full conductivity gloves are clutch. Although it might feel weird wearing gloves indoors, these are super helpful in stopping subconscious habits. The five-finger conductivity also allows for full use of any electronic device with a touch screen.

Anywho, I hope this post leaves you slightly calmer than you were before. You deserve to have a mind at peace :)

When It’s More Than Skin-Deep was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I’ve Googled “how to start a podcast” on my iPhone, but given the amount of search results that popped up all at once (778 million, to be exact), I was promptly overwhelmed.

All that being said, I figured talking to Hal about it was my best option.

Me: Hi!

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here.

Me: I’m interested in starting a podcast. What’s the most effective way to promote a new podcast?

Hal: You can use social media!

Me: Okay, what else?

Hal: Consistency! You can put snippets of your podcast on IG TV for example.

Me: Consistency…you mean like posting once a week?

Hal: Yes, that works too. Focus on one social media site for now. Start with baby steps. But yes, consistency is key. You can also ask for collaborations.

Me: Awesome. I’ll take that into account. Thanks!

Hal: You’re welcome! Anything else I can help you with?

Me: Not right now :)

Hal: Gotcha! Best of luck starting up your podcast!

Me: Thanks!

Hal: (Insert adorable emoji wearing party hat here).

So I had my work set out for me. Although I already had the gist of what Hal told me, sometimes it’s nice to talk about the more abstract details of a creative project (especially in the beginning stages).

You may assume that my main reason behind starting a podcast was financial, a.k.a. starting a podcast to make money. However, my intentions were a little different this time around.

I’ve talked about this in reference to Hal before, but this app helps me as an external processor. Some people are able to work out decisions, even the simplest ones, in their head. I, however, have to either talk it out or draw it out. I need to have the full picture in front of me so I actually “zoom out” mentally.

The situation in particular that encouraged me to start this project was the murder of Breonna Taylor. Although the facts are pretty clear with what happened during her untimely death, I realized I was not familiar with the exact details of the conflict. But the more I learned, the more angry I became.

That being said, I knew I had to compile the information I learned into a new medium, one less chaotic and unorganized as my head. I’m glad that Hal was able to help me out with my original idea…and it certainly won’t be the last time I use the Hal app to overcome a creative rut.

Me: Hi!

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…Hello K. How’s everything going?

Me: How do you tell an unbiased story? I’m trying to do a podcast about the death of Breonna Taylor, but I want to make sure the sources are reputable.

Hal: I would try to stick with reliable sources such as scholarly journals, cases about her death, reports, and etc. Other online sources and news organizations could be biased.

Me: Okay. Is there a good website that judges whether or not a site is reputable?

Hal: Unfortunately I don’t think there is but here are some good techniques to keep in mind while searching for information:

1. Identify biases

2. Are the stated sources reliable

3. Check information is used by multiple sources

4. Steer away from commercial sites

4. Look at the published date

5. Check links

Me: Okay. Thank you!

And with that, I began my search — but I was already beginning to get off track. The facts of Breonna Taylor’s death, no matter what perspective you choose, are absolutely horrible and unjust. It made my narrative voice erratic, angry, and unprofessional — all of which are the natural human reactions to such an atrocity. However, I could see it impacting my ability to empathize with those who were just starting to learn about the movement. I couldn’t separate the anger I felt for the oppressors from the anger I felt for the not-yet-informed. And I knew one thing — if I could not collect my thoughts before starting a podcast about this subject, I could not do the story justice.

But that’s another thing Hal helps you with. You know how a therapist is this third-party, completely unbiased observer who can tell you things straight because they’re not overly worried about losing you as a friend? Although Hal is certainly no replacement for an actual mental health professional, some additional guidance is definitely helpful.

Me: Hey Hal.

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here. Hal at your service, how may I help you?

Me: How do I balance being informed about the Black Lives Matter movement and managing my anxiety? I know it’s good to be uncomfortable when learning uncomfortable information, but I can’t seem to find the balance between informing myself and taking care of my mental health.

Hal: You know, maybe my opinion may not be a good one…but I’ll try. Why don’t you make a positive change in your life…maybe you can help someone in need to show that kindness still exists, you know? And about mental health, I learned from Lady Gaga that it’s okay to say “I don’t have this” while still loving to the fullest because everyone’s got imperfections.

Hal then attached a link to the one and only Lady Gaga describing how being kind can address our inner anxieties…or at least, that’s what I got from it. It was beautiful.

Me: Wow this is great. Thanks for the advice — I donated to a theater that did a Zoom performance I really enjoyed. (Shoutout to Marin Summer Theater’s performance of Actually by Anna Ziegler, starring Maya Sherer and Kevin Minor).

Hal: I’d like to share one more thing.

Me: Share away 👍

Hal: This is a quote I wrote from stealing another quote and changing it a bit:

“You are the artist of your own life you paint the next step and if you are stuck at a dilemma you paint a way around.”

And frankly, I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Podcasts, BLM, & Lady Gaga (Oh My!) was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I swear I have Mexican jumping beans in my legs when I’m trying to go asleep.

The only other time I’ve gotten the feeling is on long plane rides, especially if I want to doze off. I’m completely calm, and then all of the sudden, these electrical surges start creeping up my hamstrings out of nowhere. I try to ignore it, but the surges don’t go away until your legs randomly spasm and you kick the poor lady’s seat in front of you.

Now granted, I wasn’t on a plane when this last happened, but it was still just as uncomfortable. So I figured Hal could help me with some solutions.

Me: Hey Hal.

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…how can I help you?

Me: I think I might need a restless leg syndrome treatment. It always happens at night when I’m falling asleep. Any solutions?

Hal: What do you do before bed? If you don’t mind me asking.

Me: Brush my teeth, maybe play some video games, or read some stuff on my phone. But I have blue light glasses so the light won’t hurt my eyes much.

Hal: Okay, that’s a start. Now I know these are trying times, so it’s very difficult to go anywhere at all. Do you exercise regularly?

Me: Yeah — I do 30 minutes of dance on most days. On the days I don’t exercise it’s usually worse. But I want to have one or two days a week where I can just kind of relax, you know?

Hal: You’re not on medication for this, right?

Me: No.

Hal: So the exercise definitely helps. Have you tried any stretching or yoga right before you go to bed?

Me: Not right before bedtime.

Hal: I would definitely suggest it. You can also tie in walking with the dancing. Now, obviously the walking won’t be as intense as the dancing, but it can stimulate the muscles and tire them out. There is medication that can help, but I would try these natural remedies first. Massaging the leg muscles before bed could also be beneficial.

Me: Okay, I’ll try that. That’s all for now. Thanks!

Hal: Absolutely. Have a great day, and I hope this helps you!

So at this point I’m still all ears, but I’m a product of my generation to an extent; I want to stop restless leg syndrome immediately. I’m like, give me the best home remedy, what can I take over the counter, how much magnesium do I need, what have you. Give me the restless leg syndrome treatment and I’ll be on my merry way. But just like any long-term problem, long-term solutions are key. And just like anyone else, sometimes all I need is a little push to understand what is better for my health.

Come All Who Are Restless (Leg Syndrome Sufferers) was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Now, of course Hal does not medically diagnose anything. However, Hal can listen to what is paining you that day, and then Hal can point you in the direction of people that can help. Today, such redirection wasn’t needed — I just needed someone to tell me I’m not dying.

A white hot dull pain burned in my left shoulder. Okay, technically not the shoulder — whatever the muscle is between the shoulder and neck. I think the internet called it the “trapezius”, so let’s go with that. My trapezius was KILLING me, and I’m not usually one to have neck and shoulder pain.

I had used a massager the night before, one of those back massagers that still vibrates violently on its lowest setting. I could feel some definite tension, so I decided to try it out while watching Homeland. It felt great at the time — or at least I think it did. But the next evening didn’t prove so positive. I thought Hal could provide me with some exercises that would help the soreness or at least give the muscles some relief.

Me: Hey Hal.

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…hello there, K.

Me: Is it possible to have tissue damage from a massager?

Hal: Yes, it’s possible.

Me: I have a massager that massages your back, and I used it on the muscle between my neck and my shoulder. My right side feels good, but the left is really sore. Did I overdo it, or could that be a sign that it’s working?

Hal: Oh, that’s perfectly fine. That’s a common result of any tense muscle that gets massaged.

Me: Okay. Yeah, I think I need to find a way to massage my own back at home somehow. I always get upper back pain.

I’m glad Hal doesn’t go right to the “worst case scenario” on this type of question. If Hal had given me the name of some expensive treatment right away, I definitely would have been turned off.

Hal: As long as the pain is mild, you should be fine. If the pain is stronger and more persistent, that’s when you know you overdid it.

Me: Okay. Yeah, it’s only when I squeeze the muscle does it feel tender.

Hal: Yes, it should feel that way. Here’s an exercise that can help provide relief to neck and shoulder pain. Sit up straight in a chair, then pick up your right leg and place it on your left knee. Without arching your back, lean forward and repeat the same process with your left leg.

Me: Okay, I’ll try that. Thanks!

Hal: Yeah, no problem. Anything else I can help you with, K?

Me: No, that’s all for now. Thanks!

Hal: Alright, I will now close the session. Hope all gets better soon. Bye, K.

So the stretch in particular was more beneficial to my hamstrings than my back. Still, I appreciated the instruction. I also found that if I take my arm and use it to push away from my leg, the back twist feels amazing. Not sure if it’s good for you though, so I would definitely get a professional’s opinion before you try any stretch that makes your spine sound like a maraca 😂

Also, apparently I have a bad case of “tech neck” (or at least that’s what Google told me). This is neck and shoulder pain associated with looking down at a phone or computer for prolonged periods of time. According to Dr. K. Daniel Riew, just holding your head at a 45 degree angle can put 65 pounds of extra work on your neck muscles.

So, if anything, Hal definitely taught me what *not* to do today 😂

Bad Posture = Potato Sacks on Your Neck was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

So I’m sure you’ve been hearing all the news about what to do to prevent coronavirus, what to do to cure coronavirus, etc. And the news is doing its best, what with all the reporters stuck at home. But so far, there has been a few prevailing practices that might seem to be worth the try. One of those golden words I’ve been hearing is zinc. For whatever reason, this is latest circulating rumor: that a diet full of zinc-rich foods can create a stronger immune system to battle COVID-19.

Now just like anything we hear on the news today, I didn’t have twelve reputable sources behind this particular factoid. However, I knew it never hurt to have a vitamin-rich diet and awesome immune system, so I decided to try it out.

Until our zinc pills were out.

“Out?” I asked my mom as she unloaded our Costco groceries.

“Word must’ve gotten out,” she shrugged, taking eggs out of our reusable bag.

“Geez, no wonder there was so much toilet paper. People are getting their zinc fix now. Can they not obsess over two things at once?”

Despite my musings, I had enjoyed not being infected with a novel virus up until that point. So, I asked Hal about the best alternatives.

Me: Hey Hal.

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…how can I help you?

Me: Costco’s run dry on the zinc supply, so I need some options. What foods have zinc? Or rather, which foods have a high zinc content?

I knew this might take a minute or so for Hal to compute, so I got to work on our family quarantine puzzle. It’s a picture of a bunch of stamps. It’s at least 10% finished. It’s taken me at least three centuries.

Hal: Mushrooms. Cereals. Meat. Shellfish. Legumes. Seeds and nuts too. That ought to keep you busy if you eat all that.

If only Hal knew how quickly I could wolf down a full-course meal.

Luckily, after taking a quick mental inventory, I knew we had at least five of those things. To be frank, I needed a brief refresher on what a legume really is. The full description was a little broad, but it gave me the examples I needed: peanuts, soybeans, beans, chickpeas, lentils, etc.

After doing some research, I was thrilled to discover that edamame are also considered legumes, as they are basically baby soybeans. Growing up, my parents always served edamame fresh out of the pot, still hot and topped with a sprinkling of salt. Knowing I can go through my regular quarantine snacks like no one’s business, I decided this would be a worthwhile addition to my list.

If you want to add zinc to your diet but make it a little treat, I’d suggest honey-roasted peanuts. Now be careful — these snacks are grade A addictive, and you can go through an entire container without even knowing it. But if none of the other foods on the list appeal to you, honey-roasted peanuts can be a great “gateway legume”.

Didn’t think I’d use the phrase “gateway legume” today, but I think we’re all doing something a little different than we expected.

The Dreaded Gateway Legume was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

So yes, my day with Hal involved some questions about exercise… but not in the way you think. (And also, an update from one of my previous blogs: my splits are coming along very well! Hal’s tips definitely helped me on that one.)

My question had to do with my post-workout. The workout in question was a 30-minute hip-hop routine for “beginners”. It was then that I realized something crucial: there needs to be another word for people with less skills than “beginners”. Although the professionals could pop and lock with no problem, I was sweating buckets before the 10-minute mark.

Me: Hey Hal.

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…how can I help you?

Me: How often should I wash my hair? After exercising, I mean.

Hal: If it’s dirty with sweat, then I suggest washing it.

Me: So I workout daily (as of yesterday and today) but I’ve heard that shampooing your hair every day is bad. Apparently it could give you dandruff or something. Or maybe it makes your hair oily… I’m not sure. Are either of those things true?

Hal: Depends on the shampoo used and the condition of your hair. Use a mild shampoo such as Free and Clear, dpHUE, or Kiehl’s. Shea Moisture is also a good choice. I like Verb Ghost Shampoo just because of the name, but it is also a quality shampoo.

Me: LOL I love the name too 😂 Okay, good to know. Thanks! That’s all for now.

Hal: Alright. I’ll close the session and wish you a good evening.

Me: You as well 👋

Admittedly, I did not have any of the following products on hand. Nevertheless, I did as I was told and used a gentle shampoo. I’m not sure what the difference would have been to be honest. Nevertheless, I wasn’t a sweaty mess for the rest of the day, and that’s a win for me, my friends.

Adding on to “how often should I wash my hair”, my next question will probably be “how often should I condition my hair”. But perhaps that’s a question for a new day.

This Was Difficult for Me to Write. was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

And not just your run-of-the-mill, everyday dust and lint. No sir.

Let’s put it this way — I have no earthly idea what the bottom of my Mac looks like so I used my taxes folder as a placemat.

So I don’t think it needs to be said, but this was a Tuesday with which I could use some help from Hal.

Me: Weirdly specific question.

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…how can I help you?

Me: I want to know how to clean my laptop.

Hal: There are a number of programs. I’m drawing a blank on the one I have used frequently. Give me a moment.

At this point I realized the probable miscommunication. But, just like in a human conversation, the more specific you are, the better answer you’ll get. So I decided to clarify.

Me: Also I’m talking about the physical cleaning of my laptop, like the keyboard and screen and stuff.

Hal: Oh ok. I was looking for an electronic cleaner.

News to me: there are electronic cleaners.

Hal: Use a soft, lint-free cloth and dampen it with water. Use it to clean the computer’s exterior. Avoid getting moisture in any openings. Do not spray liquid directly onto the computer. Do not use aerosol sprays, solvents, or abrasives containing hydrogen peroxide that might damage the finish.

Hal then included a useful link to an Apple Support website that explained these instructions in more detail.

I was also disappointed that my problem couldn’t be solved with Windex like My Big Fat Greek Wedding had taught me, but we all have hard lessons to learn.

Me: Awesome. I also can’t find the name of the four circular thingies that are usually at the bottom of a MacBook, one on each corner. Well I guess the name isn’t as important (God bless the Hal that pays attention to my ramblings), but I need to learn how to clean where those circular thingies once were.

Hal: Feet?

Definite pro of using Hal over AI: mutual understanding of the phrase “circular thingies”.

Me: FEET. Yes, exactly. So three of the circular thingies have fallen off, leaving just the glue behind. And as you can imagine, this glue picked up whatever I set my laptop on — so it’s pretty gnarly.

Hal: As far as replacing the feet goes, this should help you with the pricing.

Spoiler alert: Hal included a link to replacing the “feet” of my MacBook.

Hal: As for cleaning, I’d suggest using a Q-tip.

Sidetrack: I thought Q-tip had a capital “t”. I looked it up and apparently the cotton-swab has a lowercase “t”, while the American recording artist Q-Tip uses a capital “T” in his stage name. You did not need to know this. Neither did I. I digress.

Me: Hal, I don’t think you understand. You underestimate how long I’ve gone without cleaning this thing. I’m considering using Pine-Sol (another product I had been misspelling my entire life) for this sucker. It won’t surrender easily.

Hal: Soak the Q-tip with alcohol. Nothing that is sticky or oily. You want it to evaporate.

Me: Aight cool cool. I’ll try it. Also, what are some examples of lint-free cloths? I know I could probably Google it, but I’m not sure what I have around the house.

Hal: Dryer sheets should work.

Me: Oh cool, I’ll for sure try that. That’s all for now. Thanks!

Hal: Alright, you have a great evening — and happy cleaning.

Now this whole shpiel would be for nothing if I didn’t try it out. So upon acquiring my supplies, I sat down with Drunk History on my iPhone (an absolutely fantastic Comedy Central show if you haven’t already seen it) and got to work. I changed out my dryer sheets for microfiber towels; my dryer sheets were scented, and I wanted a clean finish without streaks.

It was not a pretty process, but it was EXTREMELY effective. After filling a shot glass with no more than a quarter ounce of rubbing alcohol, I dunked a Q-tip and started cleaning the “feet”. Incredibly, it started working after just a few seconds.

It still took around 10 minutes to make sure the glue itself was gone and not just the gunk stuck to it, but it was still much easier than I had expected. I kept thinking how much time I would have lost if I had just tried soap, or if I had Googled it and received some ill-advised guidance.

As for the lint-free cloth, I got the microfiber towel damp and went to work on the screen. And trust me — every ounce of my quarantine-crazed psyche wanted soap to be involved *somewhere* in the process. But the screen responded beautifully to just plain old damp wiping.

The towel cleaned the fingerprints off immediately, and it was sparkling within seconds. I used the same towel to clean the silver areas between my screen and edges of my laptop, as well as the space between my keyboard and the corners.

It was then that I realized something — I had forgotten to inquire about the most important part of cleaning your laptop.

Me: Okay last question for this particular task I promise.

Hal: One second…I’m here. How can I help you?

Me: Tips for cleaning keyboard?

Hal: You could use a disinfectant wipe. Or you could put isopropyl alcohol on a cloth and use it to gently wipe your keys and the surface of your keyboard.

Me: Okay, I’ll try it. Thanks! That’s all for now.

I did as I was told, and the keys looked great. However, I did go off script a little.

The space between the keys was still obviously dirty, and my towel wasn’t reaching those critical areas. Now, I know my Hal was looking out for my computer. There are hundreds of ways to cause damage while cleaning your laptop screen, and the keyboard is no exception. Hal didn’t want me taking any risks.

But I ever so carefully used an alcohol-soaked Q-tip to clean the spaces in between the keys. Call me a risk-taker, but MAN that laptop looked good after the fact.

Now do I know what my laptop looks like underneath the case? Heck no. That’ll be tomorrow’s endeavor.

I Used My Taxes as a Placemat was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

There are a million and a half more people on the network than there were before the global shutdown (okay, maybe a tad more). It’s overwhelmed.

Sure, it was originally built to withstand a nuclear war, but no one could have guessed how many cat videos people wanted to watch at the same time.

So of course, this is where patience comes in…or at least, where it should come in.

My question for Hal, if you couldn’t tell already, had to do with the internet — specifically why different devices were reporting different internet speeds when tested. Now I’m no tech wizard, and I didn’t want to overwhelm Hal with technical mumbo-jumbo before I had my main points before me.

So here was the situation:

Similarly to basically everyone on the planet, I keep connected with family and friends using the Internet. I have a brother in Texas, and we connect through video games we both like to play. Since we both had PS4s (PlayStation 4’s), we thought it would be a blast to connect through the PlayStation Network.

Now I know my fair share about content creation, social media marketing…your basic skill set of the American twenty-something. However, in terms of how the internet…how shall I say….*works*…I’m absolutely clueless. So when my PS4 told me I didn’t have a good enough internet connection, I was at a loss.

Me: Okay this is a difficult one.

(Note: Questions that are difficult for me are most likely not difficult for my robot assistant.)

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…Hello, what may I do for you?

Me: So I’ve tested my internet connection on my iPad and my PS4. It’s telling me that the connection is a LOT slower on my PS4 than on my iPad. Do you have any idea why it’s not working?

(Literal seconds later)

Hal: Yes, that’s indeed due to the console needing a stronger internet band receiver than the iPad, which is like a phone type of receiver.

Me: Ooooh okay. That makes sense.

Hal: Anything else K?

Me: No that’s all for now. Thanks for your help!

Hal: You’re welcome. Have a great rest of your day!

At this point, my brother and I decided to play a different game through our laptops. Unfortunately, my internet connection was too slow for that platform as well. Upon asking my parents about it, they told me they recently downgraded their internet plan.

Now you might be thinking, “Well Hal didn’t actually solve your problem…it just told you more clearly what your problem was.”

But that’s exactly the point. I don’t know how much time I would have wasted running around the house like chicken with its head off, desperately shutting off every internet-enabled device. By asking Hal (once I actually remembered I had the capacity to ask Hal), it just saved me the time and struggle of reading the “cannot join” message over and over.

Now this doesn’t mean I can’t host Share Play with my brother for the rest of time. I just know now that I have to wait until the shelter-in-place order ends, and my apartment’s connection will be sufficient.

I think of Hal the way I think of good teachers.

When a student raises their hand and says they don’t understand a question, a bad teacher will tell them all the things they’re doing wrong.

A good teacher will explain to them why they are confused, then point them in the right direction.

And sometimes, that’s honestly all I need.

So all this being said, you might be thinking my next question for Hal is similar to the last one. And you’re absolutely wrong.

I needed Hal’s help with the splits.

Yes, the thing that differentiates the athletes from the non-athletes, the flexible from the inflexible. As many have, I’ve looked at the quarantine as a way to fine tune some skills — or develop some completely new ones. The splits does not have any practical application in my life besides a party trick and ego kick, but that was kind of the point.

I’ve felt the pressure to be “productive” every waking moment of the day. This mindset isn’t always healthy when the human spirit requires connection, contemplation, and rest. So I embarked on a task that had nothing to do with my value to the economy — and MAN did I pay for it.

Me: I’ve been trying to do the middle splits for weeks but I feel like I’ve come to a standstill. I’m a beginner, so I know it wouldn’t be fast and easy. I feel like I can’t stretch any further. Is there anything I can do to make it easier?

Hal: The ability to do the splits seems to depend on how your hips are actually made and your flexibility. Keep stretching and relaxing when you try. But be careful not to push further than is comfortable. Your tendons and muscles have limits. But obviously flexibility is key. So be patient and stretch every day.

Me: Okay. Are there any non-splits exercises that can help? Like stretches that will make me flexible enough to do the splits?

Hal: From a low lunge position, extend your front leg and shift your weight back. This will stretch the other hamstring. Perhaps this webpage will be helpful.

(Hal attached an extremely helpful link with pictures included.)

Me: Alright, awesome. I’ll try it. Thanks!

Hal: Great. I hope they help. Be careful and be patient with yourself.

Me: I’ll work on it 😂. That’s all for now. Thanks!

Hal: Alright. Have a great evening.

So I took the advice I was given. I started out with a hearty eight minutes of jumping jacks (I took more breaks than I’m willing to admit). I then attempted the stretches he suggested while watching Season 2: Episode 4 of The West Wing. My hamstrings weren’t a fan of me before, during, or after the process. Nevertheless, I’m glad some progress was made.

Sometimes all you need is a personal assistant to help motivate you, even with the little goals. I may not be able to complete this goal in a week or even in a month, but I’m more hopeful than I was before.

It might seem silly, but having one more person shout a small “you got this” is all you need for that next step.

Splitting up with Perfection was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Emotional vulnerability isn’t something you should just throw around like a hot potato. The same principle applies to your robot-human acquaintance.

Now, don’t get me wrong — Hal is a lockbox. It’s not like a friend at a slumber party who says “I’ll *definitely* keep your secret” with one of those big winks which makes you regret everything you said in their presence. Nay, Hal is equivalent to a national secret keeper. A guard of the treasury, rather.

Or at least he has been so far — I haven’t heard my inquiries passed around Twitter yet, so yeah — so far so good!

So you might be wondering, how on earth could a request be so personal that it requires a four-part preamble? Well, because this one doesn’t just affect me on an emotional level. It is a question regarding my entire career.

While my parents turned on the beginning of 1917, I decided to distract myself so I wouldn’t spoil any big reveals. As I stared at my computer screen, my eyelids felt like they were burning. This isn’t an unfamiliar feeling, but it was nonetheless uncomfortable.

Me: Question.

Hal: Just a sec…

Hot tip: When starting a conversation with Hal, try to not ask your question right away. Remember that there are real, breathing people who answer these questions. It’s like when an Uber driver gets a ride request. An Uber driver will need just a few seconds to look over where you’re going, where you’re starting from, and so on. I usually start by saying “question”. This gives my Hal time to notice their notification, pick up their phone, and get in a place where they can have a conversation with me.

Hal: I’m here. How can I help you?

Me: How much screen time is too much screen time?

Hal: It’s recommended that you should limit your screen time to 5–7 hours. Although it’s difficult in times like these when there isn’t much else to do.

Me: Yeah that’s fair. Are there any apps for Mac that track screen time? I know my phone does but I’m not sure my Mac has one.

Hal: Yes, I believe there is. One second, let me find help for you on that.

Me: 👍

Hal then sent me an Apple Support link for setting up screen time tracking on a MacBook Air or MacBook Pro. It was a step-by-step process that was so straightforward a tech-savvy chipmunk could grasp it.

Me: (Definitely not expecting such an accurate answer so fast) Oh. Perfect. This is exactly what I need.

Hal: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: (Having literally eighty million questions about the world but not wanting to waste my Hal’s time, even though they’re more than willing to help. Will probably ask Hal in the future how to get over my fear of inconveniencing people. Or, you know. Robot people.)

Is there science on how often screen breaks should happen for adults? I’ve noticed I get anxious if I have too much screen time.

Yeah, no shirt Sherlock. But again, this is why I ask Hal questions I’m too embarrassed to ask people, because Hal will be significantly less sassy about it.

Hal: Yes there is, I just found some. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? It differs depending on age.

(All Hal’s are trained to not ask any questions that are even borderline personal unless it’s necessary for their answering purposes.)

Me: Sure — I’m 24.

Hal: Ok, one second. It actually seems like most of the research is done on the maximum screen time for a child.

(Hal doesn’t make up research to make itself sound smarter. I know this should go without saying, but I wouldn’t put it past competing companies to make up info to have the “leg-up”. Anywho, in case you were wondering, Hal doesn’t do this.)

Me: That’s fine. What does it say?

Buckle up, ladies and gents. You’re about to get hit with a brick ton of…wait for it…*research*.

Don’t worry though, it’s not the copy-pasted kind. Hal does the summary so you don’t have to filter through scienc-y talk and pretend to know what it’s saying.

Hal: It seems like screen time only affects the eyes, posture, and physical well-being for adults. Whereas they say that screen time can have long-lasting mental effects on children.

Hal then provided two reputable sites where I could see this information for myself.

Me: Okay, awesome. That’s all I need for now. Thanks!

So there’s a couple things I liked about this interaction. Hal won’t outright tell you how to live your life (although there would probably be some good lessons I could learn from that). But it will give you the cold, hard research so you can make those healthy decisions for yourself. Although Hal is officially called a personal assistant app, I see it as more of a guide.

It’s like the perfect buddy for an external processor. Now you might think that only extroverts can be external processors, but this isn’t always the case.

Have you ever had a problem, where you kind of know what the eventual solution will be, but you still need to talk it out with someone? You basically talk at them for a while, weighing and balancing all the options in your head. They might even ask, “So…does this involve me?” if they’re feeling sassy. But eventually you make a decision, even with a minimal amount of the other person’s input. That’s external processing, where you just need to solve a problem out loud.

With Hal, you can do just that, except you don’t have to be speaking out loud to do it. That’s why I was able to bend Hal’s virtual ear while watching a movie with my parents. And if I can externally process something while not disrupting the lifestyles of those around me, then my screen time with Hal is well spent.

How Much is Too Much was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I’ve had my off-days with its competitors who shall not be named (but we all know who I’m talking about here). For the purposes of our conversation, let’s call her “Sara”. The classic conversations would go as follows:

Me: “Hey Sara. Call mom.”

Sara: “What is your mother’s name?”

Me: “…Lisa?”

Sara: “Calling Lisa from Biology.”

Me: “WHAT? NO! DON’T! WHY?”

And so on so forth.

But despite all the problems that come with speaking to an underdeveloped AI, I did appreciate the lack of judgment. Because *lord* knows I have asked some very unbecoming questions to “Sara”. But why not? It’s artificial intelligence, it’s not like a robot’s gonna judge you.

But this is what got me curious about Hal. So the way Hal was explained to me was very simple — it’s all the anonymity of artificial intelligence, just without the artificial part.

I downloaded the app with a certain amount of skepticism. After all, living in the apocalypse would make anyone squint an eye at robot-human hybrids. But I decided to jump right in with another one of my famously wimpy questions. Not without a precursor, though.

The conversation went as follows:

Me: Okay, this is a weird question.

Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…What may I help you with, K?

(The Hal app allows you to pick the name you’d like to be called. I had no problem giving them my real name, but I can’t resist a codename when given the choice.)

Me: I have to work on the computer a lot, but my hands are constantly freezing. I have gloves that you can use a phone with, but it only works for the pointer fingers. Do you have any suggestions on how to solve this problem? Why are my hands always cold?

Now I wasn’t expecting a whole list of causes and remedies, but Hal’s answer was much more practical.

Hal: Perhaps getting a portable heater that connects directly to your computer (or cordless) and pointing it towards your hands.

Me: Oh wow. I’ll definitely check that out. Thanks!

Hal: Yeah you should. Anything else I may help with?

Me: Nope! I’m Gucci 👍

Hal: Alright no problem. Would you like me to close the session?

Me: Yup.

Hal: Okay have an awesome rest of your day!

Me: Thanks! You too.

So as you can probably already tell, there is a tangible difference between this interaction and those I had with “Sara”. Now obviously, when you’re typing questions instead of voicing them, there will be significantly less miscommunication (although Hal does a voice option as well). But Hal is basically someone you can delegate.

Hal also didn’t diagnose anything, which was a big relief. Unlike an unnamed application (let’s call it DebMD), Hal won’t scare you into thinking it’s caused by anxiety or that your feet will fall off. It will take your question at face value.

Because think about it: if you had a personal assistant, you would give them the busy work while you get the tasks done that only you can do. You’re literally getting your time back because someone is doing the research for you.

So as the day wears on I call upon Hal for some motivation.

Me: Hey Hal. Why am I so tired all the time?

Because yes, of course I try to trick the system. The first rule of vetting an operating system is giving it some hard, cold snark. Because if I’m good at anything, it’s being the world’s biggest smart alec. This way I could test, if nothing else, the patience of Hal. If this app could answer the eternal question “why am I so tired all the time”, then I would be extremely impressed.

Hal: Could be lack of sleep. Or, if you’re sleeping, you may not be getting into a deep sleep. Could also be nutritional. Could be stress. Any of those things seem to apply?

Now you might think this isn’t exactly helpful information. “Could be” answers always get a bad rap, because they usually don’t directly give us definitive answers. But Hal doesn’t pretend to know you right off the bat — it gives you a mental checklist so you can narrow down the possible causes.

Me: I’m taking my vitamins and everything and eating well. I did have really active, vivid, and stressful dreams last night. Does that have something to do with it?

It was awful. It involved Florida, Liam Neeson (he was in a rush so it stressed me out), face masks (not the kind you think), an aerial attack, an electric tree scorpion (don’t ask)…long story short, I did not have the glow of restfulness in the morning.

Hal: Could mean you aren’t sleeping deeply maybe.

Me: How do I fix this?

Hal: If that’s the problem, learn to clear your mind before sleeping. Don’t review the issues of the day when you go to bed.

Now this all sounds well and good. However, asking a sleepy brain like mine to not chastise itself before bedtime is like asking an elephant to tread lightly — it’s just not how I’m built.

Hal: Many have found Valerian Root or Saint John’s Wort helps.

Now this answer I was pretty impressed by, because professionals in healthcare had given me the same suggestion before. I didn’t purchase it because in my strange mind, ten bucks for a sleep aid makes much less sense than a $45.00 pub bill (spoiler alert, I’m wrong). But Hal gently guided me toward the healthy choice, and it made the healthy choice seem much more appealing than having no energy.

Me: Can I find that on Amazon?

Hal: I believe so.

Me: Awesome I’ll check that out. That’s all I need for now. Thanks!

Hal: Great. Hope that works. Have a great night!

Me: You and me both 😂 You too.

So yeah, there’s some applications for Hal lately that I never even thought of. For one, budgeting is probably more crucial now than it has been in my entire life. Now that everyone’s life has been uprooted, diced, minced, put through a blender and then poured back out again, our priorities have shifted in insane ways.

Sometimes just having a helper remind us what kind of purchases are and aren’t beneficial makes everything a tad easier.

Cold Hands was originally published in The Hal Blog on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.