For years, I thought I thoroughly understood what “separate realities” meant. I could recite the concept, explain it calmly, and nod along in conversations. What I hadn’t realized yet, was that my understanding had been trapped in the intellectual zone. It took a bizarre, eye-opening experience — followed immediately by an even wilder one — for the truth to shatter my comfortable assumptions.

At first, the differences were subtle and easy to brush off as simple human variance. From my own personal viewpoint, it was easy to observe:

• Some people are more extroverted and some are more introverted
• Some introverts become extroverts over time and vice versa
• Some love to dance others prefer to play an instrument
• Some chose to learn the flute, others chose the guitar
• Some forced themselves to smoke because they thought it looked cool
• Some would never put even an unlit cigarette between their lips
• Some would experiment with marijuana, and other street drugs, others would never even contemplate doing anything like that
• Some are afraid to die and others are not.

And then, the real shockers began to hit…

Living in the United States, I was used to a two-party political landscape. But almost overnight, the divide widened into a chasm. A visiting Martian observing humans in this country might genuinely conclude we were two entirely different species, so fundamentally opposite were our ways of seeing the world.

It struck me how harmless personal preferences can eventually scale up into rigid worldview clashes.

Then more and more differences among people began to show up…

There are those who believe in equality and those who believe in hierarchies.

Some turned to nature and homesteading as a way to get away from competition and the corporate cultures they felt stifled by.

Recently, a client’s story brought this dynamic into sharp, heartbreaking relief…

On the surface, it mirrored the classic relational standoff I had witnessed dozens of times in therapy rooms.

The husband had retreated into total silence, convinced his wife’s actions were actively destroying his chance at happiness. It was the quintessential ‘blame game’ — a dynamic so ubiquitous we often dismiss it as routine marital friction. But as he spoke, a much deeper, more tragic layer of separate realities unfolded: he believed she was entirely to blame, making any conversation pointless, while she blamed his withdrawal, convinced he was destroying the relationship by refusing to talk.

They were sitting in the exact same room, experiencing the exact same marriage, yet living in two entirely distinct psychological universes. “The blame game” is so pervasive that we accept it as normal, letting it construct invisible walls between us and blinding us to the deeper truth of how our minds work.

At first, it seemed understandable that the husband would stop talking to his wife because he believed that she got in his way and that’s why he was not able to have the life he thought he should have. I had heard some rendition of this from many husbands and wives through the years. “The blame game” seemed so insidious among couples, that it became a well known phrase that many used, which may have caused that idea to seem normal and natural, keeping the idea alive and in the way of any curiosity to look deeper.

Understanding this is like peeling an onion layer by layer down to its absolute core. At that core, you realize there is never anyone else to blame; there is only the way we are actively thinking about things at the moment.

That is the singular force that can ever separate two human beings — our moment-to-moment thought!

When the late Sydney Banks spoke about the great illusion of life — offering profound insights from his transformative 1973 enlightenment experience until his passing in 2009 — he wasn’t speaking in abstract philosophy. He was pointing directly at this reality generator.

When we awaken to the fact that our intense stress, interpersonal conflicts, and rigid convictions are merely temporary projections of thought in the moment, the terrifying solidity of our problems begins to dissolve. In that quiet space, genuine peace and connection become available.

The instant we realize we are not reacting to the world as it is, but to our own internal narrative about the world, the urge to blame evaporates — taking a massive weight of unnecessary suffering with it.

Why We Think Our Realities Are Absolute Truth:

Separate realities are far more profound than conflicting opinions or cultural preferences. They are entirely unique psychological worlds built from the mental conditioning we’ve absorbed — from parents, teachers, media, and culture. Out of 8 billion people on Earth, no two human experiences are identical, not even between identical twins. Yet across every single mind, our realities spring from the exact same source: the universal power to think, and the consciousness to experience our thoughts as absolute truth.

If you’d like to know more about the human condition from the discoveries of Sydney Banks: Click below for more information

The Teachings of Sydney Banks - Lori Carpenos & Associates

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

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Escaping the Blame Game: was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I woke up this morning with a question emerging from the quiet:

Who really hears you? It was the first thought of the day, a gentle nudge from the subconscious that refused to be ignored. I suspect you’ve had those mornings too — where a single realization clarifies the noise of a busy life.

At our core, it seems we all want the same things: to be seen, to be heard, and to be loved. When I allow my thoughts to flow without interference, I feel a surge of energy. This magic doesn’t happen when we try to “manage” or fix our minds; it happens when we simply listen to the deeper intelligence beneath the chatter.

This brings me to a question I’ve been intrigued with lately:

The Rarity of a Reliable Confidant

Is there someone in your life you can open up to without the subtle weight of judgment? Someone who holds a sacred space for you, respecting your journey and valuing you even more after you share your deepest struggles? True understanding is what connects us, yet it requires a rare kind of presence — the ability to hear someone without the need to tell another soul or offer unsolicited advice.

Most of us seek this profound connection in a spouse, a friend, or a family member. We yearn for that person who will set aside their own internal noise to truly witness us. This quality of attention is the highest form of love.

Take a moment to reflect: who is that person for you? Someone who knows you are wise and competent, who doesn’t try to “fix” you because they see your innate health. They listen with their own thoughts out of the way so you can express your full self without the static of external expectation.

If no one immediately comes to mind, please know you are not alone. This level of pure listening is rare in a distracted world, but it is a capacity we all possess.

Meet Your “Inner Friend”

I wasn’t always comfortable in the silence of my own company. That shifted when I learned to listen to myself without the harsh interference of an inner critic.

I discovered that when I began to understand the Principle of Thought, as the ability to think anything as well as free will, I realized I could accept or reject any thought that comes to mind. From there I developed a new relationship to my thoughts. It felt like having an invisible friend — like I was connecting with my own soul.

This “inner friend” is my constant companion, available during a quiet walk in nature, a warm shower, or the peaceful fresh start to a new day, before the daily tasks take over. It is the source of innate mental health that lives quietly behind the calculations of the brain. While our brains are incredible tools for logic and survival, they are not the entirety of who we are. They can judge and argue, but that deeper sense of presence? That is reliable, loving, and always home.

The same quality of listening that deepens our connection with others is exactly what reconnects us with ourselves. More understanding doesn’t just bridge the gap between people; it heals the divide within.

Finding Calm in Human Moments

In those moments before the brain fully engages, it feels as though the soul is listening. We often mistake our intellect for our identity, but there is a profound difference between the two.

Our brains function much like a biological computer, processing data and making calculations. They are a vital part of our physical system, but they are not the “soul” of us.

We’ve all seen the models in science class or the classic “brain in a jar” from old films like Dr. Frankenstein’s lab. But you cannot put the soul — or pure listening — under a microscope.

Pure listening is invisible, yet we sense its presence immediately. We know when someone is distracted, and we feel the profound shift when someone is truly present. That presence is where we find our shared humanity.

If you’re reading this and wondering when I’ll get to the point, notice that thought. That is the brain attempting to interrupt the moment, conditioned by a society that prizes speed over depth.

When we are disconnected from that deeper understanding, we often find ourselves caught in states of mind where we:

• Feel uncomfortable being alone or face heavy self-judgment.
• Find ourselves judging others or feeling defensive.
• Get triggered by a comment or caught in an argumentative mood.
• Mistake a temporary misunderstanding for a “hard truth.”
• Feel too afraid to speak up or too scattered to listen.

Most people listen only to advise, reassure, or prepare a rebuttal. Even with the best intentions, we are often so caught in our own thinking that we never truly meet the person in front of us. But when we set aside our agenda and listen with genuine openness, something shifts.

When people feel truly heard, they slow down. They hear themselves more clearly, new insights emerge, and trust deepens. Listening becomes a doorway into presence — a quieter state where clarity, creativity, and a deeper feeling of connection naturally arise.

Would you like to become that catalyst for the people in your life? To experience the feeling of helping someone solve their own issues simply by being a deep, quiet mirror for their wisdom?

It’s an amazing feeling to witness an insight dawn on someone’s face. And it is simpler than you might think. I invite you to join me in exploring this deeper dimension of life.

Over four online group sessions, we will explore listening not as a mechanical communication skill, but as a different way of being in the world.

Together, we will explore:

How to release the urge to fix, advise, agree, or disagree — and create space for people to discover their own insight and next steps.

How to notice when we are lost in thought and gently return to presence, openness, and real connection.

How to listen for wisdom

How a quieter mind allows fresh ideas, meaningful questions, intuition, and right action to emerge without effort.

How Deep Listening can open a sense of peace, meaning, and connection to a deeper intelligence within life itself.

What might become possible?

By cultivating this understanding, you may find yourself:

•⁠ ⁠building deeper, more trusting relationships

•⁠ ⁠feeling less pressure to fix or have answers

•⁠ ⁠becoming more present in conversation

•⁠ ⁠hearing what others are truly saying

•⁠ ⁠accessing greater clarity, creativity, and intuition

•⁠ ⁠responding with more wisdom and less reactivity

•⁠ ⁠experiencing a quieter mind and richer connection

•⁠ ⁠discovering listening as a state of consciousness, not just a skill

Who is this for?

This program is designed for coaches, therapists, leaders, parents, and anyone who realizes that more understanding is the key to more meaningful connection.

It is also for those curious about presence, insight, inner wisdom, and living with greater ease and depth.

There is no technique to perfect. Just bring your curiosity, your humanity, and a willingness to listen.

Four live online sessions

September 2026

Dates: Tuesday September 1, 8th, 15th, 22nd

Time: 12:00 noon Eastern / 5:00 pm UK / 6:00 pm Central Europe

Sessions will be recorded for you, if you have to miss one or two

Please send your Registration fee (£95) here: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/stefancyb/95...

PayPal will convert pounds to US dollars for you

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Follow Less Stress More Success for more on how to find ease, creativity, and new possibility in any moment.

The Invisible Architecture of Connection: was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Why you might feel lonely even when you’re talking to someone.

I’m talking about the invisible assumptions that keep us from true intimacy. We think we know what others are thinking, but in reality, we are often just guessing — and usually, we’re guessing wrong.

Let’s start with a reality check. Do any of these sound familiar?

• You’re speaking, but you notice the other person has mentally checked out.
• You’re finishing a thought, but the other person is already waiting for their turn to interject.
• You’re sharing something vulnerable, but they offer unsolicited advice instead of presence.
• You feel like you’re being interrogated rather than heard.

If you’ve experienced this, you’ve likely felt the sting of disconnection. We are an easily distracted society. Between notifications, emails, and the constant hum of our own inner monologues, we’ve forgotten how to simply be with one another.

We are all “mind readers” to varying degrees. From my decades of work in communication, I’ve found that even those who value presence often default to the distracted habits of those around them. I’ve caught myself stopping mid-sentence, letting the other person “hijack” the conversation because I assumed they were no longer listening.

But what if we could shift our perspective?

This ability is part of our invisible, natural design. This is how I know…

My own perspective shifted on it’s own when I stumbled upon the “Inside-Out” paradigm, known as the 3 Principles of Mind, Consciousness, and Thought which explains our internal operating system perfectly.

It reveals that we can only ever experience our personal thoughts about what is happening around us through the gift of Consciousness.

This is why two people can experience the exact same situation in completely different ways. They have different thoughts about the same thing. We can never truly experience something we aren’t currently thinking about — even if it’s not apparent that we’re thinking. We are always feeling our thinking, whether we know it or not.

As I began to understand how we all work this way, I stopped taking things personally.

Curiosity as an Antidote

Curiousity became my default. When we understand that everyone is navigating their own reality based on their own invisible thought patterns, it changes how we listen. We see that when someone “drops out” of a conversation, they aren’t rejecting us; they’ve simply been hijacked by their own mind.

The more I saw how we all work, the less frustrated I felt. Curiosity took the place of frustration. And it feels so good; like penicillin for the soul.

It shifted me from being a reactive participant in my past, to an observant listener instead. When I listen with curiosity, instead of judgement, even a dangerous driver or a distracted friend becomes a moment I naturally handle with grace rather than annoyance.

I’ve noticed that when I listen with a quiet mind a question might bubble up from a deeper place. That question, uncontaminated by the illusions of assumptions and analysis, often helps the speaker go deeper.

Deep listening may be the most powerful healing mechanism known to humanity, which we, as a species, are only recently becoming aware of.

The Art of Generous Listening

I long for connection, and I’ve learned that it begins with open, honest, curious attention. This is the space where insecurity, and the masks we tend to show the world, falls away and we get to see how amazing and psychologically innocent we all are.

True listening isn’t about responding like a game of ping pong; it’s about creating a space where the other person feels safe enough to share.

It begins with listening deeply to ourselves, first. Are you interrogating your own thoughts, or are you observing them with kindness? When we are critical or distracted, we feel disconnected from our deeper essence — the part of us that quietly exists beyond judgments.

An Invitation to Practice

If you’re craving more moments of genuine connection and want to learn how to listen without the noise, I’d love to have you join me.

My colleague, Stef Cybichowski, and I are hosting deep listening practice sessions in small groups, starting the first week of September. If you are on a mission to be heard deeply — beyond the usual assumptions and judgments — please reach out to me at lori@3principlestherapy.com

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Follow Less Stress More Success for more on how to find ease, creativity, and new possibility in any moment.

The Invisible Barrier to True Connection was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

And The Power To Choose How to Use It

This line struck me recently: The Creator of everything has given us the ability to create anything. There is a story behind where that came to me, but what matters more is what it actually means.

When I sat with it, here is what occurred to me: The Creator (regardless of the name you use for that indescribable force) granted us the power to bring new ideas into our shared physical world. And this gift came with a companion: free will. The freedom to choose — to decide which ideas we nurture and which we let go — this is where our true power lies.

I'm struck by how much more powerful we are than most of us realize. One of my most meaningful mentors, the late Sydney Banks, often said:

“Don’t listen to me — listen beyond the words.”

For a long time, I struggled to wrap my mind around that. I had traveled long distances just to hear him speak; how could he tell me not to listen to his words? But over time, I began to see the deeper wisdom behind it. The words were merely signposts; the true teaching was the feeling behind them.

The Cost of Misunderstanding

I started noticing how often misunderstandings arise in our lives. Couples, co-workers, siblings, parents, and children — the list is endless. I’ve seen angry customers in service lines calm down instantly the moment they realized a simple misunderstanding had occurred. In fact, I’d bet you know at least one relationship that ended over a simple misunderstanding.

A single sentence, or even one word, can mean one thing to one person and something entirely different to someone else. While we often look for the cause in our upbringing, family history, or past experiences, the truth is that misunderstandings are far more common than we’d like to admit.

Interestingly, I’ve noticed I can even misunderstand myself. One day, a conversation might feel urgent — a problem that demands “fixing.” The next day, the situation looks entirely different. You may have experienced that feeling of righteous certainty, only to realize shortly after that there was nothing to say or do; the situation resolved itself in its own time.

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on humanity’s capacity to create both monumental advancements and monumental challenges. Everything stems from free will that I mentioned earlier. I have a choice in every moment: I can stay stuck in a problem and make it worse, or I can pivot toward a quieter, gentler state of mind.

In that quiet space, I find it easier to trust my own ideas and discern the wisdom in others. My feelings have become my compass, guiding me on when to trust my judgment and when to pause until I feel more assured.

Even small decisions, like whether to hit “send” on an email, become clearer when I tune into that inner guidance system. This gift resides in all of us, yet it makes me wonder:

Why is the “loud voice” of ego — so easy to follow?

Perhaps it’s because the ego demands attention, masquerading as the best path forward. Meanwhile, the quiet, unassuming voice of wisdom is subtle. It doesn’t demand; it invites. It leads to the most empowering choices, not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us.

I find myself asking: Why were we created with ego as our loudest feeling, when the true path — the one of gentleness and clarity — is so often the quietest? I’d love to see your thoughts on this.

As Mavis Karn beautifully says in her book: It’s That Simple:

“Everyone needs a good listening to.”

Because I believe so deeply in the power of Deep Listening, I’m gathering groups for the next online group of sessions with paired breakout rooms on Zoom and we take turns “listening deeply” to each other, with some guiding principles to know first.

We have found these sessions incredibly beneficial for creating the clarity we all crave. If you‘d like to join us, please get in touch with your preferred days (Monday through Friday) and times of day (including your time zone). We will compile the responses and let you know when the next round of practice sessions begins.

Remarkable insights often come forth. We invite you to join us if you’d like.

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Follow Less Stress More Success for more on how to find ease, creativity, and new possibility in any moment.

The Creator of Everything Gave Us the Ability to Create Anything… was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Without overthinking or searching for an answer:

Who has truly listened deeply to me ?

How did it feel?

Who have I listened deeply to?

For many of us, being listened to often comes with filters — personal judgments, expectations, belief systems, or assumptions.

Even with good intentions, listeners may offer advice, attempt to shift our perspective, or “fix” the situation, unintentionally dismissing our inner wisdom. Often, these are caring people, but they don’t realize how dismissive this can feel.

It’s something I’ve chuckled about. I catch myself doing it too! As both a student and teacher of deep listening, I’ve learned to recognize the urge to help or advise. It’s like an inner GPS redirecting me from thoughts that could prevent the speaker from accessing their deeper wisdom.

Imagine a world where couples listen to each other without agendas.

Think of parents truly listening to their children, even during disagreements — those conversations could be transformative. When we were young, many of us resisted parental advice to assert independence, even when deep down we knew they had a point.

Now, imagine coworkers or bosses engaging in meaningful dialogue, free from personal biases. What a shift that would create in workplaces! What kind of world would that be? A respectful, fulfilling, compassionate one where hearts are truly open.

Reaching a critical mass of deep listeners could make this vision a reality. One deep listener grows into two, then four, and so on — spreading across classrooms, offices, homes, and communities. It has a ripple effect.

Deep listening doesn’t mean agreeing. It doesn’t mean giving advice. It simply means understanding what the speaker is feeling. It’s straightforward, powerful, and transformative.

It requires stepping beyond your own experiences and seeing the world from the speaker’s perspective. It’s like looking out at life through their eyes rather than yours.

When we quiet our inner chatter and truly seek to understand, something magical happens. Communication becomes authentic, and connections grow stronger.

Admittedly, it took practice for me. After decades as a counselor, I’ve had the chance to practice deep listening often. I’m far from perfect. My colleague and co-author, Jack Pransky, humorously calls it PDL — “Perfecting Deep Listening” — because no one can truly master it. It’s easy to get lost in your own thoughts, even if you were to repeat someone’s words back to them; without presence, their meaning gets lost.

However, when we quiet our inner chatter and focus solely on understanding the speaker’s experience, something magical happens. Communication becomes more authentic and connections deepen.

Many of us are so accustomed to being superficially acknowledged that we’ve forgotten what it feels like to be deeply heard. Often, the listener focuses more on their perception of you than on who you truly are — similar to watching a character on a movie screen.

Reflecting on my own experience, the times I’ve felt deeply understood have often been in deep-listening trainings. Though this might sound odd, it’s a reminder of how rare genuine listening can be.

When co-facilitating Deep Listening breakout sessions, I secretly hope for an odd number of participants so I can pair up with someone myself. There’s something profoundly grounding about being heard by someone with a quiet, open mind. In those moments, it feels like my whole being exhales, knowing that I’m understood.

Recently, I co-facilitated a webinar with Stef Cybichowski, which you can find on my YouTube channel. I’m grateful to everyone who agreed to have the discussion recorded. Stef recently returned from the annual “Listening World Conference” in Prague. He shared a touching story about how a simple act of deep listening transformed his relationship with his father shortly before his father passed. I’ve heard Stef’s story many times, but it’s so moving I never tire of it. Nearly everyone stayed past the scheduled time by the end of the webinar because the conversation went deep and participants expressed interest in practicing more. Of course we said YES, and we developed a four-session course beginning July 9.

Feel free to reach out for details or pass this along to friends and family so they can reach out. Imagine spending time with loved ones who are present for you, not to persuade or change you, but to listen with love and genuine understanding. This isn’t just a dream — this is achievable. I’ve lived it, and I’ve seen it transform others too.

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Follow Less Stress More Success for more on how to find ease, creativity, and new possibility in any moment.

Who Comes To Your Mind First?… was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

A friend recently sent me a story he wrote about his first memory in life. It was so engaging that it got me wondering how far back I could remember.

The memory that came to mind may not even be a memory at all. It may be a story I’ve heard so many times that it feels like a memory. Either way, it has stayed with me.

I was at a family gathering, sitting beside my father. On his other side sat my Aunt Belle. I must have been four or five years old. I’m 9 months old in the photo above.

Aunt Belle put her hands on my father’s knee, looked directly at me, and said, “This is my daddy.”

Apparently, I was having none of it.

“No, he’s not!” I protested. “He’s my daddy!”

As the story goes, I became quite upset. Tears were shed. My position was firm and non-negotiable. That man belonged to me.

Today, the story makes me smile. But it also leaves me with a question I’ve never fully answered.

Why did it matter so much?

My father worked long hours in retail. He left early in the morning and often came home after my brother and I were already asleep. Compared to my mother, I spent very little time with him.

What I do remember are Sunday drives. Trips to the beach in the summer. Occasional outings to a market where we bought pickles straight from a barrel. They were simple moments, but they were enough to leave an impression.

Looking back now, I find it remarkable that a young child could feel such a strong attachment to someone she saw so little.

I wasn’t old enough to understand sacrifice, responsibility, or the demands of providing for a family. Yet somehow I knew he was my father, and that fact seemed beyond question.

Perhaps that is what fascinates me most about this story.

Long before we can explain love, we seem to recognize it. Long before we understand relationships, we know who belongs to us and who we belong to.

Whether this is a true memory or simply a family story I’ve adopted as my own no longer matters very much. What remains is the feeling of certainty I carried as a little girl.

He was my father.

And somehow, I knew how much that meant.

What is your earliest memory? I’d love to read about it in the comments.

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Follow Less Stress More Success for more on how to find ease, creativity, and new possibility in any moment.

How Did I Know He Was Mine? was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I’ve been ghosted. More than once. But never with someone I had felt deeply connected to; after daily text exchanges for a few months!

No, he was not a scammer, I had verified that.

This time, something totally unexpected occurred:

Instead of spending days wondering what I did wrong, I found myself noticing something much deeper:

I was okay. I admit that I felt quite disappointed but underneath that feeling was something that felt rock solid. Something that didn’t leave when he left.

I can still have feelings of desire to connect with a man., even just through texts. That felt like freedom — that regardless of what happens outside of myself, I’m perfectly okay within myself.

It felt super reassuring. Even feelings most label as negative: loneliness, impatience, fear, disappointment, turned into a gift for me.

I was left with a deeper love for myself, from a place I hadn’t touched before.

If I could share just one message with the next man I meet, it might be this:

Fall in love with yourself first; beyond your accomplishments, how attractive you are, or what other people think of you. Fall in love with your ability to connect deeply with another. Fall in love with the deepest part of who you really are — where your ability to accomplish things, take care of yourself and others, and where your ability to feel love and connection, can always be found.

Fall in love with the quiet feeling that shows up when your mind settles down for a moment and you notice your ability to experience life; all the ups and downs, without judgment. I noticed in the moments I feel unconditional love for life itself, I am free.

Desire Without Shame

For a long time, I judged my longing for a partner.

I thought it made me look needy. Weak. I tried to suppress it, funneling that love into safe places — like strangers in the park with dogs or babies — people who didn’t know me and couldn’t judge me.

Over time, I had come to understand a truth that shifts everything:

No person or situation can give me a feeling. Every emotion is born from within — through my own thoughts, in the moment.

This insight, drawn from the teachings of Sydney Banks and others, gave me permission to stop blaming or shaming, and start listening to the deeper parts of myself and others.

Once I saw that, longing wasn’t shameful. It was sacred. It was proof that I was conscious.

Ghosted, and Gifted

One day, the messages stopped.

And then, just like that — silence.

No explanation. No goodbye. Just silence.

In the past, I would have spiraled:

What’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why am I not enough?

Ghosted and gifted sounds like an oxymoron. Yet it turned into an enormous gift when I became CURIOUS… I’ve noticed that curiosity is like a doorway to a deeper experience beyond the usual superficial interpretations of these feelings being something to alleviate.

I became quite curious — after all, we never even met in person!

It was so cool — we were texting almost daily, sometimes multiple times a day, for nearly three months. I remember putting my phone down in the car to avoid an accident and I was hit with a feeling like being in a romantic relationship; and even weirder was the fact that I liked the feeling! After all, I’d experienced, and heard from many friends and clients that relationships can break a person. But I know, with certainty, if I ever enter into a commited relationship again it would be a great match; and very easy to maintain and grow together through all the imperfections that arise.

Mind you — I’ve texted, spoken with, met and dated many men since my divorce, many years ago. How could I feel close to someone I’d never met?

I never even heard his voice. Yet our written words created a connection that felt real and tender. We shared stories, thoughts, and pieces of our lives.

I realized: It wasn’t him —

I was connecting to something inside myself: my joy, my attentiveness, my open-heartedness. It was ME — I had been experiencing myself, my inner world of thoughts and feelings!

My curiosity led me to a different question.

What if nothing is wrong?

What if every disappointment is simply another invitation to notice that what I’m really looking for has been here all along?

A thought landed with surprising clarity:

If he knew me the way I now know myself, he would never have left. I did not have to take a course in self-confidence or read books on the topic. It was just there, all along

Falling in Love with Awareness

A few days after this newfound realization, I happened to see Rupert Spira’s short video, Fall in Love with Being Aware.

That’s exactly what had happened.

I’d fallen in love with my ability to feel; to experience.

I loved the warmth I felt when he spoke of cherishing his mother.
I loved the safety I felt when I shared my stories.
I even loved my own tenderness, honesty, and yes, even the gift hidden in my hearing loss — my “perfect misfortune” that taught me to listen more deeply than most.

That’s when I saw the truth:
I hadn’t been in a relationship with a man.

I’d been in a relationship with my own awareness. And isn’t that always the case? Whether you’re single or in a long-term relationship — check it out — see if it’s true for you too.

What I Know Now

Yes, I still long for a partner — someone to share insights and groceries with. Someone to lean into at the end of a hard day.

But I no longer feel incomplete without that.

Ghosting didn’t break me. It revealed me to myself.

And in that revelation, I found something I never expected:

Love, rising from within.

When we fall in love with our own awareness — the quiet presence behind every feeling — relationships stop being about filling a gap and start becoming about expanding what’s already whole.

That’s the kind of love I want to share.
The kind that begins where I end.

Then we can RISE in LOVE together.

If this stirred something in you, please join me in a free webinar:

Deep Listening — June 9, 2006 at 1:00 ET

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Follow Less Stress More Success for more on how to find ease, creativity, and new possibility in any moment.

Gifted, Then Ghosted was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Most of us have been introduced to “active listening.” While it was well-intentioned, it often backfired. People learned to focus on the speaker’s words and repeat them back accurately, yet their minds were often already busy preparing a response. The words were heard, but the deeper meaning was often missed.

We’ve all experienced conversations where someone reacts to what they think was said rather than what was actually meant. A phrase touches an old wound, triggers a memory, or sparks a defensive response. Even when the listener can repeat the exact words, genuine understanding may still be absent.

Deep Listening offers something different

Deep Listening is listening with an open mind and an open heart. It is setting aside assumptions, judgments, and the urge to fix, advise, or respond. Instead of listening only to words, we listen for the meaning, feeling, and intention behind them. In that sense, Deep Listening is both practical and spiritual. It honors something essential in our shared humanity — the simple but powerful experience of being fully present with another person.

When we listen deeply, curiosity naturally replaces certainty. We become interested in understanding rather than interpreting. We stop trying to fit another person’s experience into our own thinking and create space for them to fully express themselves.

The impact can be profound. People feel seen. They feel heard. Relationships often become warmer, more connected, and more authentic. Deep Listening can transform conversations between partners, family members, friends, colleagues, clients, and teams. It helps build trust, reduces misunderstandings, and creates a sense of connection that many people long for but rarely experience.

Because Deep Listening has made such a difference in our own lives, we’re excited to share it with others on a free webinar on June 9, 2026 at 1:00 ET. The timing couldn’t be better, as Stef has just returned from the annual World Listening Conference in Prague, where he presented on this very topic.

We hope to record the session, but attending live offers some special advantages. You’ll be able to ask questions as they arise and participate in paired Deep Listening exercises in breakout rooms, where you’ll experience firsthand what it feels like to deeply listen — and to be deeply listened to.

We hope you’ll join us. The world needs more deep listeners!

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Follow Less Stress More Success for more on how to find ease, creativity, and new possibility in any moment.

Would you love to be listened to - like this? was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

​

This is a sequel to: “Gifted then Ghosted” If you haven’t read part one, you can read it here.

For months, Kasper and I texted almost daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. Then suddenly… nothing. Silence.

Years ago, that would have devastated me. I would have replayed every conversation, searched for meaning, and wondered what I had done wrong.

But this time something unexpected happened:

I didn’t need to know why.

I simply let it be.

Not because I was suppressing my feelings or pretending to be “spiritual,” but because something in me had genuinely changed. Apparently, I had come to understand more deeply the inside-out nature of life — that our feelings don’t come from other people or circumstances, but from our own thinking in the moment.

That realization changes everything.

Kasper and I had shared deep conversations — naturally I would have preferred for them to continue. But when the communication stopped, I noticed I wasn’t suffering the way I once would have. I wasn’t trying to “let go.” I simply wasn’t creating painful stories about it in my own mind.

That surprised me.

It felt like my old overthinking brain had quietly disappeared overnight.

Months later, I sent him a dramatic black-and-white marathon photo I knew he’d appreciate. He responded immediately. As it turned out, life had simply pulled him elsewhere for a while. We slipped back into regular conversation as if no time had passed.

Oddly enough, by then, the explanation no longer mattered.

The experience had already shown me something profound:

Feelings can never come from another person.

How could they? Kasper and I hadn’t even met in person when I first felt a deep connection with the stories he shared; they were meaningful and touched something deep inside of me. What I was experiencing was created within my own consciousness — through the Principle of Thought, brought to life by the Principle of Consciousness.

Understanding this didn’t make me cold or detached. Quite the opposite. It made me more open to love, with no attachment to any particular outcome!

Nearly a year after we first began texting, we finally met in person halfway between our homes — in the very town where I grew up. The meeting felt strangely familiar, warm, and effortless. We talked, touched hands, kissed each other’s cheeks, and looked into one another’s eyes as though we already knew each other.

Nothing dramatic happened.

And yet, something deeply meaningful did.

Afterward, sitting quietly before driving home, I realized something surprising:

I’m more interested in loving, than in being loved.

Being loved depends on another person’s capacity to access and express love through the noise of their own thinking — their fears, expectations, judgments, conditioning, and misunderstandings.

But loving? Loving is free.

Sydney Banks once said:

“If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.”

That understanding has given me a completely different relationship with my experience of life including connection with another human.

Kasper still texts me occasionally:

“Hello Beautiful.”

And sometimes I miss him. And then I remember that I’m not missing him I’m missing the feeling of connection — a feeling that has always existed within me.

That’s the miracle.

Connection is always possible because the capacity for love already lives inside us. I feel it when I see a toddler in a shopping cart at the grocery store, we make eye-contact and then I share a knowing smile with his or her mom. There are endless possibilities to connect with people, even strangers. I feel my chest puff out as though there needed to be more room for my heart that just got a little bigger.

After seven decades on this planet, I’ve seen how often life’s disappointments become the doorway to a deeper wisdom. The experiences we resist most, sometimes become the very things that wake us up to something larger.

Whatever happens next with Kasper doesn’t really matter.

I remain grateful.

He unintentionally became a muse, and one of my earth angels — not because he completed me, but because the experience helped me see more clearly that love was never missing in the first place. Since it comes from me, I’m the guardian of it; I alone decide how much I will give of it and how much I will withhold it.

And perhaps that’s what freedom really is:

Having so little judgment of life that experience can move through us like air through an open window.

Curiosity, is the doorway to connection.

Dawning Realization:

What I had already been exposed to about the “inside-out” nature of life experience, deepened even further:

• I realized I’m more interested in the act of loving than in chasing love from others.. Loving someone feels liberating — free from judgment or expectation.
• Being loved depends on someone else’s capacity to feel and express it, which can be clouded by thoughts of judgment, expectations, and past experiences.
• True love is unbinding and free of ego.
• The power of letting go, cherishing the present, and understanding that connection is always possible because love originates within ourselves.
• We can’t feel other people’s thoughts — they live in their minds, we live in ours.
• Every feeling we experience is the direct result of our own thoughts that we believe to be true.
• Self-confidence is built-in. It’s part of our ‘human design’, so to speak. Since our roots are spiritual, it’s only our acquired human thoughts that can cover it up.
• In the end, my connection with Kasper became less about him as a person and more about a spiritual realization: the energy of love flows through every human being. It’s up to us to embrace it for what it truly is.
• Love is a beautiful feeling even unrequited love, it doesn’t need to be returned; there’s nothing more beautiful than feeling love and connection — why not allow it to flourish?

*Life looks better and becomes easier, for those of us who became curious about the “inside out” nature of how life is experienced.

If you are curious too, you can find out more by joining my newsletter: “It’s An Inside-Out Affair” on the bottom of this page: 3principlestherapy.com which includes periodic bits of inspiration and invitations to upcoming events, such as “Deep Listening,” scheduled for June 9, 2026. Since that is coming up around the corner, you can complete the short contact form and ask for the zoom link for the webinar link for June 9: Deep Listening https://www.3principlestherapy.com/contact

This would all have sounded woo woo to me, in my not too distant past, but having been on this planet for seven decades I’ve seen: not only in my own life, but in my client’s lives as well, how much our previous experiences mostly the not so good, and even bad, experiences, contributed to some future, seemingly miraculous realization that would never have occurred to us otherwise.

Whatever will be, will be. That’s how energy moves… we’re not in charge.

Having zero judgment is like zero gravity, both offer unlimited potential and complete freedom.

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of human potential, inner peace & connection | Helping people discover the wisdom within through a deeper understanding of Mind, Consciousness and Thought

🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Thank you for reading to the end. If something resonated with you feel free to clap. You’re allowed up to 50, and please share your insights in the comments whether it’s a similar experience you’ve had with romance or in business, or any realization that surprised you, I’d love to read about it. I have found that shared insights can be a springboard for other readers to get curious too.

Follow Less Stress More Success for more on how to find ease, creativity, and new possibility in any moment.

He Had Me at Hello… was originally published in Less Stress More Success on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I have been ghosted before. More than once.

But never by someone I had come to feel so connected to through months of daily text exchanges. And no, he wasn’t a scammer. I’d verified that. He was simply a man I enjoyed connecting with, and over time our conversations became a meaningful part of my days.

Then one day, the messages stopped.

No explanation. No goodbye. Just silence.

What surprised me wasn’t that I felt disappointed. Of course I did. I missed our connection. I missed the anticipation of hearing from him. I missed the possibility of what might have been.

What surprised me was what I found underneath the disappointment.

Instead of spending days wondering what I had done wrong, I noticed something I hadn’t seen so clearly before.

I was okay.

Not because I didn’t care. I cared deeply.

But beneath the disappointment was something that felt rock solid. Something steady. Something that didn’t leave when he left.

That realization made me curious.

Why did I still feel confident?

Why did I still feel grateful for the experience?

And why, despite the disappointment, did I still feel open to love?

I noticed that I had genuinely enjoyed connecting with a man, even if it was only through texts. The connection itself had been a gift. The desire to connect was still alive in me.

I realized that regardless of what happened outside of me, something within me remained untouched.

I can still feel. I can still desire. I can still care deeply.

That insight was incredibly reassuring.

Even feelings most people label as negative — loneliness, impatience, fear, disappointment — began to look different. Instead of problems to get rid of, they became doorways. Invitations to discover something deeper.

What if these feelings weren’t evidence that something was missing?

What if they were evidence that I was fully alive?

As I sat with those questions, I found myself falling into a deeper love for myself than I had ever known before.

Not a self-love based on accomplishments.

Not based on whether someone chose me.

Not based on how attractive, successful, or desirable I appeared to others.

Something much quieter.

Something much deeper.

If I could share one message with the next man I meet, it might be this:

Fall in love with yourself first.

Not with your achievements, your appearance, or other people’s opinions of you.

Fall in love with your capacity to love.

Fall in love with your ability to connect deeply with another human being.

Fall in love with that quiet presence that appears when the mind settles and you notice life unfolding exactly as it is.

In those moments, when I feel an unconditional love for life itself, I am free.

Desire Without Shame

For a long time, I judged my longing for a partner.

I thought it made me look needy. Weak. Dependent.

I tried to suppress it.

Instead, I poured that love into safe places — smiling at strangers in the park, admiring babies, talking to people walking their dogs. People who couldn’t reject me because they didn’t really know me.

But over time, I came to understand something that changed everything.

No person can give me a feeling!

No circumstance can create happiness, loneliness, security, or love inside me.

Every feeling is created from within myself, through the way I experience my thoughts in the moment.

This understanding, inspired by the teachings of Sydney Banks and others, freed me from a lifetime of looking outside myself for what was already present within me.

And once I saw that, longing no longer felt shameful.

It felt sacred.

It was proof that my heart was still open.

Proof that I was still alive.

Ghosted, and Gifted

When the messages stopped, I could easily have fallen into old patterns.

What’s wrong with me?

What did I do wrong?

Why wasn’t I enough?

Instead, something else happened.

I became curious.

I’ve noticed that curiosity is often the doorway to a deeper experience of life.

Curiosity takes us beyond our first interpretation and opens us to possibilities we couldn’t see before.

After all, we’d never even met.

We had texted almost daily, sometimes multiple texts every day for nearly three months! I loved it. I felt like I was in a real relationship!

Since my divorce years ago, I’ve spoken with, met, and dated many men. Yet somehow this connection felt different.

How could I feel close to someone whose voice I’d never heard?

Someone I’d never sat across from at a table?

Yet the connection felt real.

Tender.

Meaningful.

As I became curious, another realization emerged.

Maybe it wasn’t him I was experiencing.

Maybe I was experiencing something within myself.

My warmth.

My attentiveness.

My openness.

My capacity for love.

The feelings I enjoyed weren’t coming from him.

They were being awakened within me.

That insight led me to a different question:

What if nothing is wrong?

What if what I’m really looking for has been here all along?

Then a thought arrived with surprising clarity:

If he knew me the way I now know myself, he would never have left.

Falling in Love with Awareness

A few days later, I came across a short video by Rupert Spira called Fall in Love with Being Aware.

The title stopped me.

Because that was exactly what had happened.

I had fallen in love with my own ability to feel.

I loved the warmth I felt when he spoke about cherishing his mother.

I loved the safety I felt when sharing my stories.

I loved my tenderness.

My honesty.

Even the gift hidden within my hearing loss — my “perfect misfortune” — which taught me to listen more deeply than I ever would have otherwise.

And suddenly I saw something I had never seen so clearly before.

I hadn’t really been in a relationship with a man.

I had been in a relationship with my own awareness.

What I Know Now

Yes, I still long for a partner.

I would love someone to share insights, adventures, and even grocery shopping with.

Someone to lean into at the end of a difficult day.

But I no longer feel incomplete without that.

Being ghosted didn’t break me.

It revealed me to myself.

And in that revelation, I found something I never expected:

Love rising from within.

When we fall in love with our own awareness — the quiet presence behind every feeling — relationships stop being about filling a gap.

They become an opportunity to share the fullness that is already here.

That’s the kind of love I want to share.

The kind that begins where I end.

And from that place, perhaps two people can truly rise in love together.

Author Bio

Writer | Explorer of inner life, connection & consciousness | Advocate of the inside-out understanding
🔗 linktr.ee/lori.3principles
🌐 3principlestherapy.com

Ghosted, Then Gifted was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.