Chapter 1 — Jeb was a nose picker

Since he was a snotty little toddler, Jeb had been a world-class nosepicker. Jeb’s father worked the nightshift for the local six flags amusement resort and spent most of jebs waking childhood asleep. As a result, Jeb was given ample after school parenting white-space to develop and excel at a portfolio of bad habits like gaming, poor snack discipline, and inappropriate web activity. But Jeb excelled at nose-picking — he was by any measure, an olympian digger.

Jeb perfected a series of techniques but his go-to was the “pinch and roll flick dart”. The Dead Kennedys’ poster on the back of his bedroom door became his target range of choice.

Jeb would swivel in his chair between PubG games, Face the picture of Jelo Biafra and execute his signature move. He pined for the ability to bring this devastating kill into his virtual world, but alas, holiday in Cambodia would have to do.

Jeb would place his grubby index digit at the apex of his left nostril — which resembled a form of wizard’s sleeve — and seek out his hollow point ammo.

The perfect snot would be a semi-dried bolder deep in the canal who’s extraction required navigating an elastic type extraction motion as the boogie was pried from its headwall and dragged down the sleeve. Success looked like a large amoebic mass covering the tip of his digit but not easily falling to one side or the other.

Jeb would then take his blistered thumb and sandwich the projectile, gently caressing it first into a burrito like mouse-poo shape. Needing the detritus gently, he would then massage it into a perfect dense ball.

Loading the gun required similar attention to detail. The projectile would be gently rotated on to the nail of the index finger but sitting under the ball of the thumb.

looking at the poster, Jeb would choose his spot carefully. The tail of the B-2 bomber was his target today.

With a swift flicking motion, Jeb would catapult the projectile towards the target, mere milliseconds between the trigger being pulled and a loud dense knocking sound of the snot ball landing on its target. It sounded like an airgun pellet as it struck the tail of the plane — causing a tiny tear in the poster.

Behind him there were LOLS and emoji’s flooding the screen as his clan showed appreciation for his acumen on his twitch channel.

Chapter 2 — Biology class

The anatomy of the nose is a strange and wonderful thing. Jeb was learning how the source of his target mastery was one of the human bodies' more amazing sensory receptors. How it captured smell, how it processed air, and yes….how it was the perfect train stop for the gorgeous gunk rising from his lungs….

but then it happened….

Professor beaks placed a tiny glass slide on to the top of the capture area of his microscope hooked up to the large projector on the wall and flipped the switch. nothing appeared.

“Now watch carefully…” said beaks as he picked up the slide and gently placed the ball of his index finger on to the middle as if to make a fingerprint.

“Nothing appeared on the last slide as it was clean,” said beaks…..” pay attention….”

he placed the slide back on to the scope deck and gently moved it into the middle position. A gasp broke out in the auditorium as the large screen captured the image of the new slide he had placed his imprint on to…

“OMG….” one kid said….”That’s utterly disgusting said another…..”

There — on a 15 ft wall was the live image of the slide — complete with tiny wriggling sea slug-like creatures furiously vying for position.

“ This is what the inside of your nose looks like when you pick it,” said beaks with conviction.

“Your fingers act as bacteria traps all day — this is very normal and you wash them, wipe them place them in heat…….but when you pick your nose, whatever little creature that was stopping by when you picked your nose now has a new and wonderful home in your wizards' sleeve…..” — “the cave goes on forever and these little buggers will go explore….your throat, your lungs even your belly are the world's playground to these guys…..happy picking!!!”

As the bell rung, Jeb had an awful sinking feeling….He unknowingly allowed his habit of anxiety to become a one-way first-class ticket for a disease to enter his body. It was at that very moment that he decided to fix it.

Chapter 3 — Male and female

Some 4 months later, Jeb was standing on the stage in the very same auditorium with beaks, nervously waiting for people to take their seats. The room was unusually packed — people were standing in the aisles and there were several people in the back with cameras and note pads eager to get the first glimpse of what he was about to present…..

At 4 ft 7, wearing a FazeBanks shirt and old reebok sneakers, Jeb was not the most presentable sight. He’d been working through the night to get ready for this moment and his anxiety at standing up in front of 100 people had him constantly reaching to pick his nose. Of course, he never did……

Jeb had spent 4 months in his garage inventing a “cure” for nose-picking.

A tiny metal receptacle the size of a pin-head was attached to the inside of his wizards' sleeve and was acting as the female in a relationship with a wafer-thin circular metal ring positioning around the tip of his picking finger just below the end of the nail.

As Jeb walked slowly on to the stage, the lights went dim save for a spot shining from the back that circled him.

“Hello everyone,” said Jeb. “I want to show you my invention”.

He raised his arm and extended his finger that housed the wafer-thin ring towards his nose. Slowly, as he brought his picking finger closer to his nostril a tiny vibration began — only audible to him. As he got within 6 inches, the vibration increased, and as Jeb attempted to rest his finger on the apex of his nostril…..

ZAP!!!

Jeb was jolted with a tiny electric shock as he attempted to pick his nose — the force of the shock — while not dangerous — jarred his arm back down and away from the area. gasps rang out in the auditorium followed by a slow clapping and then a crescendo of cheers…..

He’d done it! he’d invented a cure for picking your nose!!!!

Meanwhile, In the back of the auditorium, Piers Kleiner of Perkins venture capital quietly texted his partner. He knew he had a fish on the hook…..

Chapter 1 — Strange things

Jebadiah smead was a strange man.

Born to foster parents in Dayton, Ohio Jeb developed an early and obsessive interest in experimental machines. A plump man standing (some would say sitting) at a spritely 4 ft 11, Jeb would spend days on end in the abandoned garage behind his home, building, tinkering, and occasionally blowing things up.

Smart he was, social he was not. Jeb graduated with high honors from MIT and turned down a lucrative research position at NASA in favor of returning home and resuming his unremarkable existence scurrying from his local blockbuster video store where he worked to the hardware stores of Dayton, Ohio and back to his rusting garage.

The days, weeks, and months passed….911 happened. Apple launched the iPhone….Jeb kept building and tinkering…..

One day, his mother was peering out of the window. She noticed that the garage had taken on a new persona……a A tinge of extremely bright phosphoric light was seeping through the gaps in the corrugated iron, and strange burning smell began to settle unnervingly on the property…..Whatsmore she had not seen Jeb in 3 days and was becoming a touch concerned…..

Chapter 2 — The Test

A large droplet of sweat cascaded down his brow, onto his fingerprinted circular specs, and eventually to the dusty oiled stained floor of the run-down structure that had become Jebadiah’s science lab.

Jeb peered intensely into a small window on the size of a makeshift furnace — a sense of manic expectancy held the air…….

“EUREKA!!!!” Shouted Jeb, “I’ve DONE IT!!!!!!”

Jeb reached down and unhinged the curve iron cast door of the furnace — swinging it open and carefully reaching in. As he felt the small fury mass on his palm, he gently clasped the ball and pulled his arm out of the furnace…..staring down in utter astonishment at what he had just retrieved.

There, in the palm of his hand, was a perfect white baby bunny rabbit: red eyes, floppy ears, and tiny thumping hind legs. Jeb stared in awe at the tiny lifeform for not 20 minutes ago; it had been a 19lb grumpy old rabbit on its last legs…..Not 20 minutes ago, Jeb had placed his prized pet of 12 years into the furnace in the hopes that his invention ould trigger a much-needed lifeform reversal — making Mortimer young and cute again — a reminder of Jeb’s innocent teenage years….. He’d attached his device — a work in progress to be sure — the machine shaped much like a shredder or a copier that accepted any form of a picture into its noisy feeder and converted that picture on to the lifeform that was now in Jeb’s hand……You see, Jeb had fed in a picture of a bunny, and his machine had done its magic and delivered his miracle….

His grumpy old rabbit had become a beautiful white bunny!

Chapter 3 — it all goes wrong

Jeb’s mum watched intently as the blinding light seemed to halt, and the noise and the smell coming from the run-down garage subsided. Jeb emerged with a tiny while fluff ball in his left hand, his right trying desperately to adjust his oil-smeared glasses on his polished bald head…..

“MUM!” shouted Jeb, out of breath and staggering badly. I’ve turned Mortimer back into my little bunny!!!!

She looked down in amazement as the tiny white fluffy creature peered from out of Jeb’s chubby grubby hand innocent as the driven snow…..it was then that she noticed something strange…..the bunny’s ears seemed to be growing at an astonishing rate.

“JEB!” said mom……” why are mortimers ears growing like that cherub? is that normal?”

Jeb looked down and went quiet. “I don’t know mum but that is very strange…..”

The bunny started to move in a more erratic fashion and as Jeb placed him on the floor he started to make a very un-rabbit like noise as he shifted and shuffled. You see the little bunny ears had grown to become bigger than the actual bunny itself and the awkward noises and movements were an attempt to continue to stand as the ears began to grow and balloon in size quickly becoming the size of lettuce leaves…..

20 minutes later, the bunny ears had become the size of balloons — growing uncontrollably…flapping in all directions and taking on a dumbo like an appearance with the tiny bunny seemingly unmoved by the size…

By evening, the ears had outgrown the entire house and the bunny had to be placed outside. Jeb was very concerned…..what could be happening, what had gone wrong????????

Just then — the noise of sirens could be heard and blue lights filled the night sky. The police were here. They had received multiple complaints of strange noises and sightings of massive white elephant-like ears in the back yard of Jeb’s house…

Animal control managed to corral the tiny bunny with massive ears into their van and while Jeb was trying to explain the chain of events to the officer in charge, a detective wandered into the derelict garage.

Chapter 4 — Beware of the double-side

“Whats this Trevor?” said the detective to his partner as he looked down on Jeb’s strange device attached to the furnace…

“Blind if I know!” said the sergeant as they continued walking around the garage.

Behind them, a sheet of paper fell out of the device towards the floor. Just before it landed a small gust of wind flipped it over…

The picture of the little fluffy rabbit that had transformed Mortimer was replaced by that of a Massive elephant that was on the other side.