You can’t control what people say, but you can choose what to carry…..

Most of the time, we say things to others without thinking. We don’t consider whether our words will hurt them or not. Yet in reality, even the words we speak carelessly can affect people deeply. Sometimes we lash out because we are in a bad mood, stressed, or simply overwhelmed. But while our words may disappear from our minds quickly, they can stay in the hearts of others for a long time.

From my experience, I used to take everything very seriously. If my family told me I was useless or not good enough, I believed them. I carried those words with me as if they were the truth, and I shaped my actions around them. That made me feel worthless for a long time. Later, I realized most of the things people say are not that serious. Think of your friends, colleagues, or siblings. Maybe you had a fight with them, and in that heated moment, they said cruel things. Were those words always the truth? Not really. Sometimes they were just reflecting their bad day, their stress, or even their insecurities. I collected all those negative words like I was putting them in a box. My sister would say something, and I put it in. A friend would make a harsh comment, and I put it in. Over time, that box became full of garbage with hurtful words, distorted versions of myself that existed only in my head. But one day I realized: even if people meant what they said, why should I let it define me? So I broke the box.

Now, I try to fill my box with good words. That doesn’t mean I ignore criticism or pretend negative feedback doesn’t exist. If something can help me grow, I accept it. But I no longer let careless words become my identity. We are human beings, sensitive to the stimuli around us. Even small things can trigger us without us realizing: heavy traffic before an important meeting, stress piling up from daily life, or simply being tired. Our minds react automatically, but that doesn’t mean we have to carry every reaction, every harsh word, as truth.

At the end of the day, life is too short to take everything personally. Words will always come and go, but it is in our hands to choose which ones we keep and which ones we let go.

Are You Living the Life You Want?

How many of us truly know the answer to that question? We can never experience the alternatives, so we can’t say for sure. We’ve all dreamed of so many things in life — some of these dreams come true, and others don’t. But what if I had studied engineering or medicine instead of psychology? What would that version of me look like? We can never know, because we don’t have the chance to live those other paths.

We want many things in life — wealth, beauty, success, and the list goes on. But is it possible to have it all at once? For me, we can never truly know if we are living the life we want. If there were a way to see a better version of my life in another reality, I might think, “That’s not the life I wanted either.” As human beings, we’re always seeking the better option. We’re not selfish; it’s just how we are. Would you prefer $10 or $1,000? Of course, the second option is better.

We dream about what our lives could look like, and it’s up to us to change our reality or imagine it. Maybe you own a small business and are content with it, but another successful entrepreneur might look at what you have and feel it’s still not enough. It’s all about perspective and how we perceive it.

So, how do we find happiness with the life we are living? It starts with recognizing that while we can change certain things, we should focus on what’s within our control. If something is beyond your reach and you’ve done everything you can, then it’s enough. Don’t let uncontrollable circumstances steal away your small moments of joy. And always remember: you can’t have it all at once.

“All the toys can’t be yours.”

When I first heard this, I felt a sense of relief. I finally understood why I had been feeling miserable and unable to enjoy the little moments of life. Comparing ourselves to others is something every human does. It’s part of us. Sometimes, we even have to do it.

One day, I had a realization: “Oh my god, every second of my day is consumed by comparing myself to others.” And at the end of the day, what did I have? Nothing but feelings of misery, loneliness, and inadequacy. “She looks great,” I thought. “She has a perfect family.” “Why am I not like that?” But the truth is, we never see what happens behind the scenes. Maybe her family isn’t as perfect as it seems, and maybe she has struggles of her own — just like I do.

Life is too short to waste it comparing ourselves to others. In doing so, we miss out on the beauty of our own lives. After that realization, I shifted my mindset. I began to appreciate the beauty in even the smallest things. Maybe I’m not the prettiest, and maybe I don’t have the same things as others, but that doesn’t matter. I have great friends, a loving family, and so many blessings.

I used to think I needed to achieve certain things in my 20s, but I’ve come to realize: it’s okay. You don’t need to have everything figured out by a certain age. Comparing yourself to others only wastes precious time. Every person has their own journey, and we are all so different. How can we truly compare?

So, the next time you feel miserable comparing yourself to others, remind yourself: we are all on our unique paths. They have theirs, and I have mine. And I’m happy with that.

Do you know how to feel happy? Or can you even experience your feelings fully? For me, and I think for all of us, we do not know the correct definition of happiness. We laugh, we feel happy for a moment. But is this happiness or something else? For centuries, philosophers and psychologists have tried to find the definition of happiness. But I think it is impossible to find one. We are always asked, “What is the meaning of happiness for you?” One person explains, “Well, for me, it is success.” Another says, “For me, it is doing the job that you love.” But how do you know if you are happy or not? It is a very tough question.

We do not express what we feel because we were born into a world where we are taught to keep our feelings to ourselves. When you feel happy, or you think you feel happy, your family or friend asks, “Why?” Or, after a moment, you encounter something bad, and you start to feel that it’s bad luck and that you shouldn’t feel happiness in the first place. I really wonder, when asked “How do you feel?” How do you know how you feel?

Humans are so complicated, and because of that, we should dive deeper to understand the reasons. If we can really face our deeper feelings, then we will be able to define what comes and goes. My mind is mine. No one can experience what I feel. Even in the same situation, both people will say, “I am happy,” but in reality, their happiness scales will be different as well.

Well, you might say there are thousands of studies about this issue. Yes, I know, but as I said before, your experience and my experience will be very different. How can you experience what I experience? You should be me; otherwise, it seems impossible. Because of that reason, I stopped defining what I feel. Instead, I say, “I experienced this kind of situation and I behaved like this…” I cried, or whatever the case may be.

When understanding why you think or behave the way you do, it becomes easier to understand why you feel sad or anything else.