“What were you wearing?”

One of the first and most common questions surviving victims of sexual violence have been asked for generations.

Most of the time, this question is asked to seem as though it were out of curiosity to find out what actually happened. However, often times, there’s always some sort of accusation beneath it: “Maybe you invited it”, “You tempted them by wearing that, what did you expect?”

Many cases of sexual violence have proven that clothing is never a cause. Women or even children have been sexually assaulted while wearing uniforms, nightgowns, and even baby clothes. Regardless of what a woman wears, she has the absolute right over her body. No one is responsible for an adult’s decision to sexually abuse them.

Victim blaming has been a common practice amongst many people in our society. It comes in so many forms, we ask what they wore, what they were doing in someone’s house or car, why they didn’t fight back, why they didn’t report immediately or why did she stay. People go as far to say that if you didn’t report immediately, you have no right to report now. Victim blaming has many consequences, it can discourage survivors from speaking out due to fear of being disbelieved, ridiculed, judged or shamed. Meanwhile these predators walk freely looking for their next prey and the cycle repeats itself.

Consent is giving freely or agreeing to engage in a sexual activity. However consent to one activity doesn’t mean consent to everything else. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.

Being in a relationship does not also mean consent. Silence doesn’t equal consent .

According to the 1992 constitution, a child below the age of 16 cannot consent to sex, therefore even if he/she agrees, it is seen as defilement.

Children must not be treated as though they carry the same thinking capacity when it comes to sexual activities as adults.

Now let’s delve into the issue of accountability when it comes to sexual violence. More often than not, institutions, families and the society fail to respond appropriately to such situations all in the name of “ keeping it quiet” or “ not wanting to ruin the future” of the Perpetrators involved. How pathetic is that?

A clear example is the recent news about a girl who was allegedly drugged and assaulted for seven hours by seven men and their only punishment was to write essays just because they did not want to ruin their “ bright future”. The question now is, what happens to victim? The victim will forever live with this trauma for the rest of her life while the offenders continue to live and walk freely.

In Ghana, many families like the idea of settling issues at home rather than taking legal actions, all in the name of “preserving the family’s reputation” or “not washing your dirty linens outside” as they would say.

Due to this, many survivors have been conditioned to think that it is their fault these things happened, therefore they can’t be the reason why their offenders are punished.

It is about time correct measures are put in place, such that, victims can be able to report freely and without fear of being Judged or ridiculed.

Perhaps instead of asking questions like “what were you wearing?” we should rather make sure these survivors are safe, we should ask questions about consent, we should make sure that these predators are held accountable for their actions.

Let’s all come together and teach our children, our friends and families about issues of victim blaming, consent and sexual violence. Let us remember that clothing is not the cause of sexual abuse.

Change begins with you and I. Imagine a world where you can walk freely without fear of any violence.

So the next time anyone talks about their experience concerning sexual abuse, don’t ask “ what were you wearing?” rather ask how they’re feeling and make sure they feel safe and offer your help.

“If you have been raped or sexually assaulted and you have been blamed, or fear that you may be blamed, I just want you to understand this: You are not to blame. There is nothing you did to make someone hurt you, nor is there anything you could have done differently to prevent or stop it.” — Robert Uttaro (2013), To the Survivors: One Man’s Journey as a Rape Crisis Counselor with True Stories of Sexual Violence