Usually, at this stage, I get comments such as “can’t you see that without critical thinking, there’s no way of making the right decision?”. Yes, you are right. Thinking things through before making a life changing decision is a very good idea.

Then, I get an argument that “you have to take people into consideration when making decisions. You can’t just look at the numbers!!”. Right again. It’s true that we don’t want to overlook our decisions’ cost on ourselves or other human beings. Looking at how my decisions align with myself and others is a very good idea.

At this stage I’m told that I’m flip-flopping, and that I make no sense. My response to this is: what if there is a 4-step process of making decisions that cover all of our decision-making faculties, both thinking AND feeling?

The challenge with arguing about the right way to make decisions is that our decision making is as unique as we are. Much like a 2-party political systems arguing over who is better than who, warring over what kind of decisions are right is never going to end. It is not until we realize that differing values dictate differing decision-making, that we begin to end the war on who is right.

There are as many right ways of making decisions as there are people, and much like in every other area of life, we embrace integrated processes when making decisions.

To achieve integrated and balanced decision-making, we must activate both thinking AND feeling decision-making faculties. There are 2 ways which both of these faculties operate: inward facing and outward facing.

To make balanced thinking decisions, we must ask ourselves whether the decision we are about to make is both effective (outward facing) and accurate (inward facing). In essence, asking ourselves if doing something is an efficient way to carry out the task, and whether we have all the facts to make an informed decision, will help us make good thinking based decisions.

Using only thinking faculties to make a decision has its down side, though. As our thinking faculties are not concerned with feelings of others or ourselves, we may end up making decisions that are not authentic to us, or harmonious in our relationships with others.

That’s why we need to include 2 feeling components to our decision-making as well. To make balanced feeling decisions, we must ask ourselves whether the decision we are about to make feels authentic to ourselves (inward facing feeling consideration), and if it is the most harmonious decision we can make for ourselves and others (outward facing feeling consideration). Making sure to cover the humanity of both ourselves and other allows us to make our decisions through the lens of compassion.

Using only feeling faculties to make decisions has its downside as well. Because our feeling faculties are not concerned with facts about the issue or what’s the best way to resolve it, we may end up building a life of emotional roller coaster. Thus, if we want to live a life of productivity and happiness, we must make our decisions based on each of the thinking AND feeling considerations.

When facing an important life decision, ask yourself these 4 questions:
1. Is this the most effective way of doing this?
2. Do I have all the facts pertaining to this issue, or do I need more details?
3. Is this the most harmonious way of doing this?
4. Does this feel authentic to me?

Answering each of these questions as well as you can will give you more integrated decisions. More integration in your decision-making gives you a more deliberately built life. These questions will harness your wisdom learnt in the past, they will ask you to pay attention to the facts of the present and they help you to stop issues coming up in the future. By using these questions you can deliberately build the kind of life you want.

Are you in a season of change in your life at the moment?
Do you need help with a big decision you are currently facing?

If you answered yes, we may be able to help you:

I have personally trained professional, compassionate and effective coaches to support those who need help with everyday decisions. These amazing people are called Integration Mentors. If you would like to speak with one of these mentors, contact us with your full name, the 3 biggest challenges you are currently facing, your time zone and the biggest city in that time zone and the best times of the week for you to speak and the office will put you in touch with the mentor we feel is the best fit for you.

You are not alone with your struggles, or at least you don’t have to be. We are here to support your journey. We would love to hear from you and see if we can help you resolve your struggles.

You can reach us at desk@merjasumiloff.com.

https://www.themyersbriggs.com/en-US/Connect-with-us/Blog/2021/March/Addressing-the-inaccuracies-in-Persona

If I was to write down everything I thought about this program, I would be repeating what has already been said about MBTI® not being designed as a hiring tool, the suggestion that MBTI® is using facial recognition as a part of the profiling, etc., so I won’t repeat the points made in this article.

What I will say, though, is that any tool in the wrong hands can be dangerous. A chainsaw is a great tool for cutting down dangerous trees or creating firewood for the winter, but it can also be a weapon in the hands of an unstable/intoxicated person.

Most tools can be weaponized by people who are overly confident in using them, or want to exhibit their power over others. Rather than taking the time to learn to use the tool thoroughly, the creator of this program seems to have jumped into several assumptions. Here are some viewer responses to this opinion piece:

• Those who understand the power and appropriate use of this tool will not be challenged by this misrepresentation.
• Those who who don’t may be misled by this dangerous misrepresentation.
• Those who are skeptical will have their biased confirmed.

It is clear that the creator of this program is not a professional MBTI® Practitioner, and instead of researching factually, has created a piece of work based on their perception.

I do and will continue to use “Persona” as a great example of an opinion piece and of what can happen when we jump past facts and into conclusions because of our own biases.

The danger in this program is that it promotes dis-empowerment through alternative [read inaccurate] facts disguised as education. Fear is an easy way to control people. It stops us from doing our own research and making up our own minds. Empowering the self and others via education and fact-based conversations is much harder.

Any professional MBTI® Certified practitioner knows the appropriate usage of the tool, and thus, uses it appropriately. We, as consumers, must ask questions to find out if the person who claims to be an MBTI® specialist has the appropriate training, and is adhering to the actual usage of the tool.

If we knew we could not fail, what would we go for in life?

We tend to overestimate how much we can achieve in a day, but underestimate how much we can achieve in a year. Being prepared to fail forward keeps us on track and helps us achieve our goals on a faster time line.

Most people are afraid of failure. They believe that failing at something is the same thing as being a failure. But failure is not a person. Failure is an event, an opportunity to learn.

Thus, a person cannot be a failure. It doesn’t matter what their mother, father or teacher may have said. If someone has called you a failure, it’s because we have failed to fulfill their expectations of us. That’s all. Thus, that failure was an event, an occurrence, not a person.

Identifying as a failure leaves us stifled in life. It leaves us at the mercy of perfectionism, false impressions and a facade we cannot upkeep. This is particularly obvious in the age of social media. If we take others’ profile at face value, their lives seem perfect. It is far too easy to compare our imperfect life to someone else’s shiny facade. It is hard to break the pattern of comparison because we are afraid of being criticized, singled out or ridiculed, if we don’t measure up.

The irony is, that it is those pretending to have a perfect life are most often also trapped in the dynamic. They are self-critical, self-conscious and feel like they are always competing with others. They have not yet exercised their own muscles for failing forward, and thus rely on appearances to keep them going.

The biggest gift your personal development can give us is to build up the real you. The one who is strong enough, smart enough, lovable enough. The real you that has so much to offer both to yourself and to the world. Let’s give ourselves a permission to become a beginner once more. Let’s change the conversation from being a failure into failing forward.

Failing Forward is an active process. It is where we try something and it doesn’t work exactly how we imagined. Instead of chastising ourselves for failing, we learn from having taken action. When we put in place the learning and try again, we get closer to our vision or goal. Then, we try again, fail again and inch forward once more.

Change is hard. If you could ask a child who is learning to walk, they would tell you how hard it is. How many times do kids fall and get up again, so that they eventually learn how to walk? Nobody in their right mind would criticize or ridicule a child for not getting it right the first time! No-one with empathy and compassion would call that child a failure. So, why do we do that to ourselves?

This is an excerpt from our 4 People Within course. If you would like more information on this 6-month transformation journey, head on over here.