It’s 100% possible to be wildly thrilled for someone and still feel that tinge of envy about an opportunity we want for ourselves.

That’s natural! We see the happy ending and compare our messy middle with it, and our brains are hardwired to do that.

But what about what we don’t see? The bits that come before the Instagram-worthy end goal.

The loneliness, the rejection, the showing up to do the work when no one is paying attention. The envy that happens when you see someone less qualified get opportunities you want. The frustration when people don’t “get” your work.

What we don’t see is the people showing up to advocate for their work day-in-day-out. We don’t see the rejected TEDx pitches, podcast pitches, book proposals, the potential clients who say no.

Let’s shine a light on the messy middle — on the work that happens when no one is watching (or applauding or heck, even liking our posts).

I was so struck by Derek Siever’s How to Start a Movement TED Talk, in which he shows a “lone nut” — a dude dancing like no one is watching, and then someone joins him (almost instantaneously).

But here’s what you don’t see: that’s not exactly how it went down. That guy was letting his freak flag fly for a good 5 minutes before someone else joined in. He wasn’t looking around, hoping, or even paying attention to anybody else. The dude just kept dancing. And eventually, he was surrounded by people dancing just like him. He inspired a movement.

The purpose of this project is to shine a spotlight on that time when no one is dancing with you. The journey we don’t post on Instagram when we’re trying to advocate for our work, get other people to buy in, or distill an idea into something valuable to others and profitable for our business.

I want to empower and inspire you to keep advocating for your work. To keep refining that message until it resonates. To show up with the imperfect message. To take more bold risks and to make more bold asks.

I want to help you feel less alone, less defeated, and less frustrated while you’re trying to gather your people and break through with your message.

This project is for the misfits, rebels, mavericks, and anyone who doesn’t feel like they fit in online business. It’s time for us to band together so we can lift each other up and impact more people with our work. Together.

Ready to Join the Community Project?

This is an online community project designed to achieve three things:

• Demystify how business owners keep their motivation high and keep showing up even when it feels like no one is paying attention
• Share stories and ideas about what it takes to get buy-in from people and the actions these business owners took to get more people on board with their message.
• Teach you how to get other people to become champions and advocates of your work

Ready to join us? Go to www.drmichellemazur.com/me for all the details and to join the community.

Dear Event Organizer,

I get it. Running an event is complicated. You’re dealing with the venue, catering, scheduling, AV team, budget, getting butts in seats, and pleasing the powers that be.

But, my dear event organizer, we need to have a serious conversation about not paying the people who make your event worth attending.

The speakers.

I doubt you are paying the caterers, the AV team, and the marketing team with “exposure.” Or by saying that our event is so prestigious that these companies should be excited to participate and waive their fee.

Being professionals, they would laugh and hang up the phone if you offered them “exposure” in exchange for their expertise and services.

Yet that is all the payment that you propose to your speakers: Exposure.

The fact is that you can’t pay rent with exposure, buy food with exposure, or pay for your kid’s ballet lesson with exposure.

Exposure gets you pneumonia and little else.

The speakers are the draw to an event. They are the reason butts show up in the seats and the fact that you don’t want to pay these people needs to stop.

The more you charge for people to attend your event, the more you need to pay for the speakers that those people will hear.

For instance, let’s say you charge $1000 to attend your conference. What if you took $100 of that fee and put it towards a speaking budget. If 500 people attended your conference, you’d have a speakers budget of $50,000.

Speakers aren’t expecting to get rich from your event, we are expecting to get paid for our experience, expertise and energy.

And if you’re thinking, “Michelle, we are barely breaking even at that price”, then raise the cost of your conference by $100 so you can afford to pay your speakers.

Being able to pay your speakers only benefits the event that you’re putting on. Paying your speakers ensures that you attract high-quality speakers to your conference.

The better speakers you have, the better the experience your audience has. The better the experience your audience has, the more they will talk up your conference to their colleagues which means you’ll be able to put more butts in seats for your events next year.

It’s a win for you, a win for your organization, and a huge win for the speakers who deserve to be paid for their work, experience, and expertise.

For the love of all things good, pay your speakers,

Michelle Mazur, CEO of Communication Rebel

2 childhood lessons I spent 30 years unlearning

Remember, when you were in 2nd grade? Sitting in those uncomfortable desks that housed all your worldly-school possessions. The teacher poses a question to the class…and there was always that one kid…

The kid you thought was about to dislocate his shoulder.

The kid who someone lit a hot fire under his ass because he was jumping out of seat crying “Oh, Oh, Oh.”

The kid who begged for the teacher to “Pick Me! Pick Me, Mrs. Ryan! I KNOW the answer.”

Friendly and kind Mrs. Ryan would scan the classroom and rarely if ever pick that kid.

This kid was NOT me. I was the kid sitting quietly in the back making intense eye contact with her Trapper Keeper praying to God, Mrs. Ryan would pick anyone else.

Whether you were the shy quiet one or the kid with dislocated shoulder, in that moment you are taught a crucial life lessons:

You must be chosen to voice your brilliance.

Then there is the valuable lesson from P.E. class — good old physical education — it’s dodge ball day (whoever was the creatin that thought it was a good idea that 8 year olds throw rubber balls at each other should be strung up…just sayin’).

Our gym teacher choose his team captains for dodge ball based on strength, speed and agility.

Based on my athletic prowess of a sloth instead of cheetah, I never rose to the auspicious role of team captain.

Instead, I stood in a crowd of kids, hoping my name would be called.

The moments ticked by. There are 6 and then 4.

Now just 2.

Finally, it’s down to just me.

I’d smile like I just won the sports team lottery.. Run and join my team who sighed as I past and immediately started plotting what they’d could do with me so I wouldn’t cause their upcoming defeat.

Inside I felt a small part of me die. I felt ashamed, sad, and like the utter outcast. I wasn’t good enough, and didn’t measure up to my peers. Even though I kicked major bootie reading out loud in class when the teacher could cajole me from my cocoon of shyness (I did all the character’s voices and enthralled all who heard my voice)…well that gal is an easy target in dodge ball!

Anyone who has ever been chosen last knows:

Not being chosen hurts…a lot.

In 2nd grade you learn, you must be picked and that not being the chosen one is a painful, humiliating moment.

We carry that lesson into adulthood. You wait for a college to pick you. Then an employer to pick you from an endless abyss of resumes. Then your boss to pick you for that big promotion.

And I’ve noticed that when I have been picked — it sucks.

:: The job that I prayed for sucks the life force out of me.

:: The college acceptance I eagerly sprinted to the mailbox to find, only to end up transferring from that school 2 years later.

:: The dream job in Hawaii (that all my friends were green with envy about) was the loneliest place on the planet for me.

Choice leads to action which is a heck of a lot more satisfying

It’s took me over 30 years to unearth, dig up, and dust off that truth.

Choosing to forge my own path and start a business is infinitely more satisfying than working for the dude (not the cool Jeff Bridges dude).

The college that I chose for myself produced an infinitely better education for me and was a heck of a lot more drunk…fun.

Leaving the dream job in the land of coconut bras and grass skirts for the land of clouds, rain and Kurt Cobain provided me with more people and a textured life.

Put your hand down and stop waiting to picked.

How can you start choosing yourself TODAY?

What’s the one thing you can do TODAY (not tomorrow) to start choosing yourself?

Instead of waiting for that speaking gig to come through, throw your own event?

Waiting for the perfect publisher to come along and pick your book, start writing and self-publish.

Want to be on a podcast and tired of pitching, start your own.

It doesn’t even have to be that bold, start small and just show up and do the work.

When you work hard, incredible things start happening!