Happy Mother’s Day!

Any mom will tell you that the experience of raising a child is an exercise in unconditional love, patience, vigilance, empathy, and learning to listen to a perspective that is sometimes at odds with what you want or need in that moment.

As researchers, we too practice ninja-level observational skills and empathy for the people we study. So for Mother’s Day, I thought I’d share a few learnings from moms who research.

I asked them: “What ‘parenting’ tips and tricks do you use in UX research, and vice-versa?”

Here’s what they told me:

1. Your kid is not an extension of yourself. Neither is your user. Do not assume you know how your kid/user feels, wants, would react to a situation just because you deeply know them. Don’t project your needs onto them. — Funda Kivran-Swaine
2. Empathy makes me a great researcher, but also a better wife and mom. I believe that by exposing my son to people who are not like him, something we researchers experience often, he will have a greater capacity for empathy and will be a generally better person. — Beth Werner
3. Make your children — and participants — feel heard. To the extent possible, create a positive environment/feedback loop during conversations, make eye contact, and don’t check your cell phone when they talk (that’s bad form with both participants and kids). — Jill Campaiola
4. As kids age, you need to become more creative with your “interviews” (dinner or bed discussions). When the answer to “How did your day go?” is “Fine,” you need better questions. This is where I really learned how to set interview context — starting very general (“what happened today that excited you”) and then directing them into minutiae and uncomfortable topics. — Mary Lalomia
5. Storytelling: get good at it. Our leaders and users don’t have the time or attention spans to connect the dots themselves. Our job as researchers is to take the data and create a good story to bring the relevant truths to life. Kids are the same way. How many times do I have to read that same Thomas story?! — Eryn Taylor
6. What kids say they want is not always what they really need. You need to get to the bottom of underlying needs when all young kids are programmed to do is to express wants. When people of all ages encounter problems they don’t have immediate solutions for, it can be very hard for them to articulate solutions (wants). As parents, and as researchers, one way to move forward is to deeply understand the problem people are facing — beyond what they say they want — and discover together what they may need to solve it. — Funda Kivran-Swaine
7. Being a UX researcher was helpful training for becoming a parent. I had already learned that iteration based on observation is necessary for the best results. That’s how we ended up with just the right setup for the changing table, the highchair, and the crib. Of course, these systems will only be ideal for a short while, and then we’ll need a complete redesign for V2. — Anna Howell
8. You are your kid’s biggest advocate, even though you cannot choose who your kid is. Same with users. — Funda Kivran-Swaine

The most important mom/researcher connection of all might be one that Eryn Taylor mentioned in another comment: that we don’t have to do this alone. We’re much better as researchers and parents/caregivers when we ask for help, share our frustrations and successes, and collaborate. In that spirit, I’d love to hear your ideas (from dads, too!) about parenting and researching.

Author: Shivani Mohan, Director of Research, Facebook Marketplace

Illustrator: Sarah Lawrence

UX Research and the Wisdom of Moms was originally published in Meta Research on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

When I was little, I wanted to grow up to be a vet. A career in UX research — much less management — was not really part of my imagination or ambition. Even as I grew up, I never aimed to become a manager, and yet, here I am, enjoying an incredible ride mentoring people and managing teams.

What I’ve realized over the years is that management is a deeply personal experience. You might pick up some techniques from mentors or books, but for the most part you slowly develop your own style and philosophy, driven by who you are, your personal experiences, and the people you’re leading.

Here’s how three events in my life have informed the management principles I value the most.

1. Identify and nurture superpowers

When your workplace is full of brilliant people, it can feel like everyone assumes that you were always a straight-A student, just like them. But I was a terrible student for most of primary school. I struggled with spelling (I still depend on spell-check) and couldn’t memorize anything. I remember feeling pretty much resigned to being a horrible student.

One day, I had to stand in front of the whole class and deliver a short essay as part of a school-wide elocution competition. I loved wolves — and was addicted to reading Jack London — so I went up and spoke about them. To my utter surprise, I was chosen as my class’s representative. I still remember the feeling I had that day: I was actually considered good at something. After that, I worked very hard during every elocution competition to win.

The simple recognition of a talent changed my approach from apathetic to dedicated. It’s still a guiding principle in how I operate as a manager. The difference between a checked-out employee and a driven one, I’ve found, is often how well their unique talent has been recognized and utilized. That’s why I spend a lot of time trying to understand what excites each person on my team, and what they do better than anyone else.

Here’s how I put this principle into action:

• Ask up front: When I start managing someone, I ask them what excites them, what they consider themselves to be amazing at, and what their personal goals are.
• Observe: I watch for “shine”: does the person light up when they present in front of people? Do they write beautifully? Are they social and team-oriented? Are they big-picture thinkers? Are they detail-oriented?
• Recognize: I make it a point to express recognition when someone does anything really well. Sometimes I even work behind the scenes to remind others to do the same so that the person feels motivated to embrace their super power.
• Connect: People flourish when you connect them to likeminded people, or those who share a similar super power. I like to introduce my people to others within the company they might not otherwise meet.
• Challenge: When I recognize someone’s strength, I give them opportunities to take that skill to the next level. If they present well, for example, I try to give them larger or more senior audiences. If they’re very creative, I ask them to come up with an unconventional way to land a research insight.

2. Look beyond surface skills

I graduated from my masters in the summer of 2009 — in the trough of the recession. For an immigrant needing an H1B visa, the chances of getting a job in the U.S. were slim. Exhausted by a steady stream of rejection letters, I went to my school’s recruiting event. It was the month before I would have to leave the country. One company had an open slot because of a no-show, and I seized the opportunity.

I’ll never forget that interview. Chad, my later manager, grilled me with questions that seemed crazy, like “how do you decide something is an insight?” and “What do you think is going to be the next big innovation?” He was less interested in evaluating the textbook correctness of my answers than he was in understanding how I structured my thoughts, how well I responded to stress, my perseverance, and my drive.

I reflect a lot on that interview and Chad’s seemingly bizarre decision to hire me. As I manage teams now, I see his wisdom: the difference between brilliant and average performers often comes down to their drive and creativity, not only their skill. When I evaluate potential hires, I try to get a sense of those qualities, as well as their ability to think on their feet under stressful conditions.

Here’s how:

• Ruin perfect plans. After an interviewee proposes a plan for a certain research situation, I often throw a wrench in it to see if they can quickly adapt. It’s a way to get beyond rehearsed answers and textbook knowledge to get a glimpse of the candidate’s creativity.
• Value passion: I ask candidates about the projects they’ve been most passionate about to get a sense of how driven they are when they really love and believe in something. I’d rather hire someone with genuine passion in one area and shortcomings in others than someone who answers everything correctly but isn’t especially fired up about any of it. Training can fix technical deficits. It can’t light a fire under someone.

3. Support struggling team members

When I came back to work after maternity leave, I felt like a train had hit me. I simply did not know how to be productive. Sleep deprivation had stunted my ability to think on my feet — and to put in a bunch of extra hours when needed. I remember spending the first few months wondering how anyone could be productive as a mom. Over time, I learned how adaptive we human beings are, and things got better. The experience helped me become a more supportive and empathetic manager.

Before this experience, I often found it hard to grasp why some team members struggled to do what it took to deliver great work. Now, I work hard to create mechanisms that help team members when they’re going through a hard phase.

Here’s how:

• Rally the team:: When possible, I gather the whole team to express our support toward a colleague who’s going through a rough patch. We’ve made team videos, photo collages, flurries of personal messages. The aim is to let people know they’re surrounded by people who care deeply about them.
• Invest in community: I’ve helped create and maintain mechanisms that help us support each other during tough times (and all the time). We invest in new manager circles, women’s circles, and mom groups.

I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that I’m not done having personal experiences that change my management style. Maybe that in itself is another key principle for me: Staying open to experiences, inside and outside of work, that will help me continue to grow as a person and as a leader.

I’d love to hear about experiences in your life that have shifted the way you lead others. Please share them so we can inspire each other.

Author: Shivani Mohan, Director of Research, Facebook Marketplace
Illustrator: Drew Bardana

Managing from the Heart was originally published in Meta Research on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.