Cuffing season, scientifically known as being “cuffed,” is when an unidentifiable airborne disease pushes those holding independent stable lives to suddenly feel insecure, forcing them to seek out companionship by any means possible. Similar to flu season, Cuffing Season distorts our mentality while making our bodies feel extremely vulnerable at all times.

This guide will give a background overview of Cuffing Season, as well as ways to overcome this lonely and regretful period of the year.

When is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing Season falls primarily between October and December, commonly known as “sweater weather.” Those affected by Cuffing Season may have also experienced similar symptoms at family weddings, Valentines Day, and during the ending of The Notebook. A potential indicator that Cuffing Season has started is an uprising of canceled plans by friends in relationships. Keep an eye out for early signs to avoid the problem getting worse. The first outbreak may occur after a recent Drake album release.

Symptoms

More than 30,000,000 people are affected each year by cuffing season, resulting in short-term relationships that are inevitably destroyed by the spring/summer time due to personality differences. It is important to acknowledge the common symptoms during Cuffing Season so they can be treated before things get too serious. Common symptoms include delusion, loneliness, anger, jealousy and sudden urges to download Tinder.

When to Contact Your Doctor

Please reach out to your doctor, or local tarot card reader, if you find yourself in one or all of these situations:

-Spending hours on Pinterest looking at couple’s costume ideas for you and your non-existent boyfriend to wear to the non-existent Halloween party you’re going to.

-Scrolling through pictures of you and your ex in the hidden photo app (that also functions as a calculator) and forgetting the last time someone put their arm around you.

-Breaking a Ziploc sandwich baggie and using it as a metaphor for the lack of security in your life.

-Listening to Adele's “Someone Like You” on repeat.

-Using the picture your ex-boyfriend from high school posted of his dog as an excuse to start a conversation that will inevitably lead to asking what his holiday plans are.

Treatments

Although there is no cure in feeling completely comfortable in your single status during Cuffing Season, Doctors have provided a list of precautions to take to get you through those lonely and cold nights:

Muting people on Instagram who regularly post pictures of them and their significant other (many found success doing so with John Legend and Chrissy Teigen.)

Avoiding couple-related activities, such as ice skating, apple-picking, midnight strolls in Central Park, and dining at Serendipity.

Replacing shows that have romantic sub-plots with NAT-GEO docs about ragged men with beards who live in the mountains (Alaskan Bush People works).

If you can identify and treat these symptoms early on, you can expect to have a stress-free and inexpensive holiday season (as well as saving your family the time and energy from meeting Derrick from Tinder).

Natalie McQuaid is a recovering binge watcher living in NYC with dreams of working literally any other job besides retail. You can find her asleep on most public transportation or on instagram/twitter .

A WebMD Guide to Surviving Cuffing Season was originally published in The Belladonna Comedy on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.