We were sitting in a café, coffee cups sitting idly on the table, as he pondered my question: “Who are your mentors?”

I’ve made it a habit this year to ask the question in various meetings, both formal and casual.

The trend I’m noticing now?

The people who can readily name their mentors are almost always the ones who are leading in their respective fields. They tend to be the go-getters, the innovators, the leaders — not just in title, but in action and in results.

This made me think.

The Importance of Mentorship

Why does having a mentor make such a difference?

The obvious answer is that mentors can provide guidance, accountability, and invaluable insights that you may not be able to gain on your own.

But I believe above all else that mentors can give us an example of whats possible.

They’ve walked the road before us, they know the obstacles and opportunities. By modelling someone else who’s done what you want to do before, can significantly accelerate your pace when you navigate the complexities of career and life.

The Many Forms of Mentorship

And let’s dispel a common myth: To me mentorship doesn’t always have to be a formal, one-on-one relationship.

In today’s digital age, your mentors can be authors whose books you study, podcasters whose shows you always listen with a pen and paper in hand, or industry experts whose videos have given you “Aha!” moments.

These are all valid forms of mentorship that can significantly contribute to your growth.

My Wake-up Call

The unease in my friend’s eyes mirrored the uncertainty that many of us feel but are reluctant to voice.

Not having mentors often reveals a deeper problem too.

Mentors make all the difference when you know your goals. But if you don’t really know what you want in life and business, what’s the point of mentors anyways?

If you find it hard to answer the mentor-question, it might be time to reconsider how you approach your personal and professional development.

Your Turn

I invite you to think about what you want to achieve in your life and career. Really give yourself a moment to think. Just you, a good drink, and a pen and a paper.

Then ask yourself, who could you pick? Who are the mentors that have already done what you aim for?

The value of having a mentor can’t be overstated.

The next time someone asks you, “Who are your mentors?”, don’t let ‘I don’t know’ be your answer. Your future success might just depend on it.

I was reading the Four Hour Body by Tim Ferriss.

Ferriss was explaining how protein at breakfast accelerates fat loss.

”I already know this, boring” I thought to myself and started flicking pages forward.

Have you been in a same situation?

That you hear or read an important idea, but instantly think that you already know this thing?

Then you impatiently fast forward.

The reflex is natural because our brain aims to save energy.

Big mistake.

There are three questions that help me recalibrate when brain tries to fool me into impatience.

Let me share them.

Question 1: How deep is your skill with this idea?

There’s a difference between knowing something and having a skill.

Skill makes the knowledge real.

So ask yourself how deep is your skill on a scale of -10 to 10.

That goves you information about where you really are.

Question 2: How does this skill appear in your daily life?

Knowledge is now power, only execution is.

Same goes for a skill.

Having a skill is different than using it.

Hence the important disctinction is this — how is this skill reflected in your daily habits and more importantly your schedule?

Question 3: How do your results prove your skill?

Bringing an idea into daily routines and schedules is not the only thing that demonstrates skill.

Results do that even better.

Looking at my morning-weight, I can tell that my results with fat management are not what my brain tried to fool me.

So I flicked back to the page where I left off.

I read the chapter.

Then I went to the kitchen, and mixed a protein smoothie for breakfast.

Mistake avoided.

—

That’s it for today

Let me know what you think.

All the best.

// Antti from Kaizen Hour

// https://www.kaizenhour.com

Do you want something new for 2023? Something better?

I know I do.

And I also know that you’re the kind of a person who seeks the next level.

Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this. Right?

This process has been priceless for many. I ask you to read this ‘till the end and try for yourself!

I promise it will be so worth it!

As 2023 is about to begin and the current is about to close, I invite you to take inventory with me.

The blueprint for taking inventory comes from Lao Tzu, founder of the philosophical system of Taoism. He is best known as the author of Tao-Te-Ching.

For me, there has been deep value in each of the following five lines.

Watch your thoughts, they become words;

watch your words, they become actions;

watch your actions, they become habits;

watch your habits, they become character;

watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Based on this, there are three questions that I ask myself when I take inventory.

1. What about my thoughts I need to give up now.
2. What about my thoughts I wish to grow/improve/cultivate?
3. What do I want to add to my thoughts?

Here is how the process goes in practice.

Part 1: Letting go

Often I discover that there is a list of worries, grudges, self doubts and ruminating in past failures that I need to let go of. Past arguments to forgive and simply things to forgive myself about the past year.

I write these things on a paper.

All the small things and all the big things. Zero critical thinking, just train of thought.

After I finish writing I go outside with the paper.

I play Time by Hans Zimmer.

Then I burn the paper.

This ritual is a powerful metaphor for my subconsious.

After the ritual I usually feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders.

The first part of the process creates space for something new and something better.

Part 2: Planting the seed

To capture this new opportunity and fill the space with empowering thoughts, I take out a second piece of paper and write some more.

• What are some new and empowering things I wish to cultivate or add to my thoughts?
• What am I happy about?
• What am I excited about?
• Who do I love and who loves me?
• What am I committed to?
• Who’s on my side? Or who could be?
• Why I believe in myself more now?
• What are the new and better things I believe about other people and the world?
  Just the act of writing these things down generates new kind of feelings.

If you do this process with me, this is a perfect time to pause and reflect.

With these feelings, are you more or less likely to say beautiful things to others? Are you more or less likely to take better action? How will this feeling reflect on your character?

I bet you know the answer.

Now it’s time for the last action to light up the subconscious!

I seal this second paper in an envelope or fold it to never open it again.

When the time is right I play another song.

No Sacrifice, No Victory by Steve Jablonsky.

Then I bury the paper in the ground like a seed and leave it.

If it’s winter, I use a pot where I grow my chili peppers.

My peppers seem to like it!

Funny right?

I admit, this process felt silly the first time I did it.

However, the sense of new beginning and empowering emotions this process generated far outweighed the silly.

Hence, I do this twice a year.

Once before new years eve and once during the mid summer festival in Finland.

Now let me ask you.

What would it take for you to create a ritual like this for yourself? Could you join me this year and do this one before the Eve?

With inspiration an energy!

— Antti Niittyviita @niittyviita

P.S. Want to get letters like this from my inbox to yours? Check out https://www.kaizenhour.com/

”Does it ever end?! I’ve totally lost the control of my calendar” a friend confessed.

Then she showed exactly what she meant.

First two weeks of December full of back to back appointments.

No breaks.

”Besides, when will I deal with all the todos I have here?” she showed the list.

Have you ever felt that way?

I know I have. Too many times.

I had to go through the burnout to learn.

”If you don’t take CHARGE of your calendar, who would do it for you?” I asked my friend

”Yes yes, I know” she replied ”That’s a great idea, but how do I do it, if I don’t have time?”

The truth is that everyone has time.

The same 24 hours every day.

The thing is that your calendar and to-do lists are an unbeatable game.

Deal with one thing and more will appear. Email, Teams, Phone and Meetings, all make sure you can’t beat the game.

”So how do you play an unbeatable game then?” the friend asked me.

The trick is simple. If you always play and never pause to plan, you will lose. Guaranteed.

This is what seperates success from failure in time management.

For years I was buried by my calendar and to-do list. I desperately tried to figure out how organise it all. How to gain control of my life and work.

I kept waiting for the perfect moment when the calendar would have space to hit the gym or start the book I hoped to write.

The moment never came.

Until I crashed.

My recovery accelerated after understanding the Triad of Time.

Soon after, I learned the unlock to everything else in time management.

The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. This 7 step exercise completely changed how I manage time and feel about my daily 24h.

1. Take out pen and paper
2. Make two lists by answering — What’s most important to you in professional life? How about your personal life?
3. Score each item on your lists 1–10 (10 for most important)
4. Pick top three items from both lists and circle them. Now you have a draft of your priorities. How do these priorities show up in your calendar at the moment?
5. Open your calendar. Scroll forward and find the first 2–3 hour slot. Make an appointment for yourself titled with your biggest priority. Mark the appointment as ”busy” so that nobody else can claim that slot.
6. Observe. How do you feel about this priority showing up on schedule?
7. Repeat steps 5 & 6 for each of the 6 priorities you have on paper.

”Is this something you could do?” I asked the friend.

And she did.

What she said in her last message to me tells the story better than I could.

”If I don’t schedule things around my priorities first, someone else will book me!

Then I can be sure that it’s their priorities that appear on MY calendar, not mine.

I’m so grateful for this shift. I can now enjoy life again!”

So now it’s go-time for you.

Sit down for 15 minutes and do the work.

Put First Things First and reclaim your calendar.

With inspiration and energy!

Antti Niittyviita / @niittyviita

PS. Did you like this read? Want to get more letters like this from my inbox to yours? Check out https://www.kaizenhour.com/

That there’s just too much to do and too little of you?

Have you ever gone online to search for time management?

I know I have — countless times.

Earlier in my career, I often looked for a hack or a tweak that would change everything.

I never found that thing. I just wasted more time browsing for a solution.

Then a tweet got me angry

Time Management is nothing but your attempt to change how you FEEL.

“That’s some new age mumbo jumbo. I’m looking for hardcore tools to manage my stuff!” I told myself.

Yet I noticed that some people were outstanding in time management without apparent tools. And I wanted to figure out how.

So I started asking around.

Finally, I asked the CEO of one booming business here in Finland. “I want to find a perfect tool for time management,” I told him. “How do you manage your time?”

He returned with an innocent question, “Why is it important for you to find a time management tool?”

“To get my stuff and to-do’s sorted out,” I replied.

“Now, why is it important to you to get stuff and to-do’s sorted out?” he got curious.

“So I could get more time for myself and still get my job done,” I said.

“Ok. Why is it important to you to get more time for yourself?” the CEO pushed.

“To be able to do more things I love with the people I care about,” I replied

“Now we’re talkin’,” he said. “Why is it important to you to do more things you love?”

“To feel that I’m living for myself. To feel that I’m driving my day and not the other way around. To feel that I’m in control of my life… oh shoot… the tweet was right,” I told him.

The last advice the CEO gave was simple.

“Map out three primary feelings you are looking for when you think about time management. Then start to figure out what has to happen for you to feel that way.”

I thanked him. We went our ways.

After the experience, I started to ask around some more.

It quickly turned out that there are three primary feelings most seek when they think about time management.

1. To feel in control

The truth is that we can never be in control of other people, politics, pandemics, the weather, or the economy.

The same thing applies to most stuff in our personal lives too. We can’t control most things; we can only work to influence things in hopes that they will turn in our favor.

While control is mostly an illusion, the feeling of being in charge is necessary for well-being. To feel that you drive the day instead of the day driving you.

When people start to look for time management solutions, it often turns out they have lost their feeling of control.

So here is the question: What has to happen for you to feel in control?

2. To feel progress

If you have ever been in a new relationship and are freshly in love, you may know what soon happens.

After the first phase of hot mornings between bedsheets is behind and the real world starts to catch up with you, either one of you will wonder where this relationship is going?

It’s natural because people need to feel that things are progressing.

It’s the same with a garden, for example. If things don’t grow, they start to wither.

When people begin to look for time management solutions, it often turns out they don’t feel like things are moving forward anymore.

So here is the question: What has to happen for you to feel things progress?

3. To feel meaning

As a software quality professional, I’ve struggled a lot with this one in my career.

I’ve wasted a ton of hours doing things’ right’ at the expense of doing the ‘right things.

In other words, I wasted hours on work that had no meaning.

When things we work on aren’t connected to meaning, it eats away our energy.

Author Viktor E. Frankl observed the same during his years at concentration camps during the 2nd World War.

Based on his experience, he wrote a brilliant book called Man’s Search For Meaning.

People who found meaning in adversities seemed to live longer, and some managed to even thrive amidst horrors.

While today we’re facing way smaller problems today, the need for meaning is still there.

When people begin to look for time management solutions, it often turns out they don’t feel like things have meaning for them.

So here is the question: What has to happen for you to feel that there is meaning in what you do?

I call these three the Triad of Time.

It takes serious work to figure out what it would take for you to consciously generate those three feelings.

In the end, you will find the you-specific toolkit you’ve always been looking for when you searched for time management tools.

Have a fantastic end of year my friends!

— Antti from Kaizen Hour

PS. Want to get letters like this from my inbox to yours? Check out https://www.kaizenhour.com/

Finland was attacked by the Soviet Union in November of 1939 for the first time. It was called the Winter War. My grandmom enrolled as a volunteer to support the defending troops.

The memories of war and the generational traumas can sometimes still be felt in the finnish society over 80 years later. Lucky that the fourth and fifth generation finns mostly see the stories as legends of the olden times more than a painful reality of the past.

Ukraine crisis today, from where I see it, reminds me a lot about the stories grandmom told me when I was younger. I think I can even feel some of the pressure and pain Ukrainians must experience right now.

In childhood, my other grandmom only spoke Russian. Her parents had evacuated to Finland from western Russia right before the Winter War erupted. As Russians, they faced massive prejudice while trying to settle in Finland. It must have been unbearable at times.

Now, I can only imagine how worried and afraid some of the Russian soldiers must feel attacking their kin because of orders from above. And the shame and disappointment normal Russians around the world must feel for the decisions of their leaders.

There must be pain on both sides

Obviously the underdog gets most of my empathy in a situation like this.

Even though Russia seeks a fast resolution to their attack, to me it seems that the odds are not in their favor.

In the 1960’s in Vietnam, Americans won almost every battle. Yet, most would say they lost the war. In his book the Infinite Game, Simon Sinek raises a question that we don’t fully understand winning and losing, that there are other definitions of winning that exist.

Ukranians are essentially fighting for their freedom, independence, families, legacy and survival. Very meaningful things that have no real beginning or end. There is no winning or losing with motives like these. The whole point of the game is to keep the game going. And if you die, you die to give all important things a continuation. Hence, Ukrainians are playing an infinite game.

The attacker however has more mixed motives. For Russians, the fight is mostly about winning or losing battles, and eventually their campaign. In other words, as it seems to me, Russians are playing a finite game.

Both sides play a totally different game.

Those who play an infinite game are hard to beat. No matter how unlikely odds, they keep on going for reasons that are far beyond those who play with a finite mindset.

That is what my grandmom confirmed just as she‘s celebrating her 99th birthday.

She calls this phenomenon the “Spirit of Winter War”.

The times and minds of cold war should be far behind already. To me, most of humanity should already be playing an infinite game to make humanity better for each other and for the planet.

At this point I wish you dear Ukranians the most heroic Spirit of Winter War on your backs. You are not only defending your country but are the symbol of the infinite game.

Who am I to do anything? What do I have to share? What if my work is not enough?

Questions that undermined my confidence always came when I was about to post anything.

And even when I did, I was afraid to open my feed to read the comments. What if someone said it was worthless? What if someone said they didn’t like my stuff? What if it wasn’t trendy anymore? What if, what if, what if.

When I look back, I can tell that these fears have been there for most of my life. I’ve felt a fear of being an outcast from the social groups that I had. I desperately wanted to blend in and have people like me.

I believe that these fears set in during my first two years in junior high school. I was bullied and, on few occasions, beaten up and walking back home crying. Guess it was only deserved because a few years earlier, in the last years of elementary school, I played my role in bullying another boy. Karma is a bitch.

Based on the countless discussion I’ve had with strangers in seminars, workshops, and one-to-one meetings, I believe that the fear of not being enough pains most people.

While stories may change, I believe everybody develops this fear at some point in life.

One of the master skills in life is to face the fear of not being enough. And then learn to dance with it.

When I started my first experiment with Tiktok 18 months ago, I was again faced with familiar thoughts and feelings. Who am I to do anything here? What do I have to share?

The experiment was simple. Post one silly or fun video about me every day for 30 days. My aim was to create something that I usually was afraid to post and then share it with the 17 followers I had back then.

To give you an example, I’ve had a hobby of running half-naked in the snow for a long time but never shared about it with anyone. Now with the Tiktok experiment, I went all in. So here is an early video that I created on one of my morning runs.

Nothing even remotely professional. The minutes before posting this were full of self-doubt with a hint of shame in it. But the magical thing was that the minutes after tapping the” post” -button were filled with a sense of accomplishment and freedom.

Facing my personal insecurities and going through them instantly rewarded me with more confidence.

Before this experiment started, I always had to triple-think everything before posting to avoid uncomfortable feelings. What would other people think of me….?

So how did I overcome this mental block?

Just recently, I started re-reading the Harry Potter saga. I just love stories with wizards and witches in them. Magic feels so epic to me.

One distinction stood out to me this time. In stories like these, there’s usually a spell or enchantment that needs to be broken. And the quest can be dangerous and tedious. But think about this. What is the first step in undoing evil spells?

Of course, you first need to identify the evil spell; you need to know its name, and only then is it possible to go on the quest to dispel the evil enchantment.

I’m sharing this with you for a reason. The fear of not being enough is an enchantment on you. To feel free, confident, and accomplished in your life, you first must identify the spell that’s holding you back. Only that way can you learn to dance with your fears and move through them.

When I started the 30-day Tiktok experiment, I first picked up my journal and did a three-step process about my fears. This is how it went.

The Three Step Process

Step 1: Identify the fear that is holding you back

Stop for a moment and reflect. What’s the fear that is holding you back? Is there a fear of what other people might think about you? Do you fear feelings of shame? Do you fear feelings that emerge when you compare yourself to others? Do you fear feelings that surface if nobody notices you or your work?

Put that fear into words by filling the sentence” My fear of ________ is holding me back.”

Step 2: Reframe the fear that is holding you back

What if you lived five more years this way, slave to the fear you named? What would you miss out on? How would your confidence, happiness, and success be impacted?

Painful to think about that, isn’t it? For me, this exercise made the pendulum swing.

I wanted more freedom, happiness, and confidence in my life. First, I tried to ignore and suppress this fear, but you know what happens then. It was like losing on the legendary whac-a-mole game. The fear always reappeared faster and stronger.

Things truly shifted when I consciously started to reframe the meaning that I gave to my fear. So what could be the new and empowering meaning you give to the fear that you feel?

For me, all the fears of not being enough, shamed, compared to others or ignored boiled down to one idea.

Feeling these fears are like the Northstar that I used to navigate. My fear is the direction that I must take because all I want is on the other side.

Now it’s your turn again. Give your fear an empowering meaning. Complete the sentence “When I feel the fear of ________, it means that __________.”

Step 3: Summon confidence to move through your fear

Now you have given a better meaning for your fear. So how does it make you feel now to think about your fear? Most feel an instant boost of confidence after reframing the fear.

In this step, it’s time to make you ready to face your fear and move through it when you become aware of it the next time. The more confidence you have, the easier it is to make that move.

So first, let’s check in to your level of confidence. How do you feel about your confidence at the moment? Give it a score from 1 (very low) to 10 (heroic).

Next, think about a moment in your life when you were totally on top of your game — a moment when you felt very confident. Remember the situation in detail and focus on yourself. How did you stand? How did you keep your shoulders and back? What was the expression on your face? How did you breathe? What did you say to yourself? What did you focus on? Bring all of the details as close to you as possible. Really feel what you felt back then.

Then do a second check-in. How does your confidence feel now? Score it again from 1 to 10. Did you experience a small or a big shift?

If you did, awesome. It means that more confidence is already inside of you; you only need to summon it.

In this emotional state, are you now more or less likely to take action and move through your fear?

Taking these three steps is a way to condition your emotional muscles. This is the practice that will allow you to learn how to dance with your fears.

After I started facing my fear of not being enough with a Tiktok challenge, the funniest thing happened. That small 30-day experiment became a 60-day experiment, and things started growing. On new years eve, I woke up to a realization that I already had 100k followers.

It turned out that someone else found the authenticity and experimental mindset engaging too. So today, as I’m writing, the follower count is already 1.032.827 and growing.

Now, I find myself facing the familiar feelings of self-doubt when I’m about to push the publish button on this post.

I smile at my fear and push it anyway.

P.S. If you liked this text, please tap that clap! And then go and download my Confidence Unleashed -book here. It’s free until Friday!

Throughout the book, his motive for the pilgrimage was to find a sword that was hidden. Through the book he practiced rituals of some ancient tradition in hopes to become worthy of finding the sword. But nothing helped.

At the very end of the journey he finally stopped in a revelation. Not once, during the quest for the sword, had he asked the most important question.

I often meet people in my workshops who are eagerly looking for the how-to -solutions for their problems. A common way to look for answers is to open Google or Youtube and start searching.

Answers are easy to find with the abundance of the Internet. And it is very simple to start practicing too.

But what most don’t notice is that practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes permanent.

There is nothing worse than to run enthusiastically and then in the end notice that you were running in the wrong direction.

This is the Runners’ Problem.

Enthusiasm gets you going. Motivation keeps you moving. And practice makes it permanent. This is why the Runners’ Problem should be addressed before proceeding with any goal that you have.

The question at the end of the Pilgrimage was simple. When I find the sword, what will I do with it?

Now, think about your goals.

You too are seeking a sword of some kind. So what will you do with it, once you find it? What is the purpose of your journey? What does it mean to you when you finally wield your sword? Who will you impact positively? Who are you becoming on this journey?

If you think these questions are important, let me give you a challenge. Take out a sheet of paper, choose one of your goals and start answering the questions. Observe how you feel while you do this and when you’re finally done writing.

Now go and get to it!

P.S. Have you ever felt like you could need a bit more confidence? If you have, I’ve launched a video training called Confidence Unleashed. Over 340 people have already done it. Check it out here: https://niittyviita.gumroad.com/l/get-confidence

Runners’ Problem – The Question You Most Likely Forgot To Ask was originally published in Kaizen Hour on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.