Here’s how I am offering to use it for embodied and integrated living-

a 30 minute intentional movement and meditation invitation.

Here’s the visual you can pull up while you put on the playlist.

Then move your body, in any way that you feel called — possibly in and out of stillness.

I aligned the songs to the principles.

1. We start with Gratitude. SONG: Thank You. Be Beautiful Chorus.
2. We move into Honoring Our Pain and the Pain of the World. SONG: Anchor by Novo Amor.
3. We stay with the pain and move with it like water in our body, our practice. Song: Let that Water Wash Over Me by Peia.
4. AND Now, shifting towards Seeing with New Eyes. What’s possible from this place of deeply rooted gratitude and acknowledging the pain of the world/ humanity? Song: The Universe by Gregory Allen Isakov.
5. And b/c dreaming and dancing feels good- We GO FORTH — with the energy of new paradigms. Song: Days to Come by Bonobo
6. And closing our practice, our integration with GRATITUDE- the cycle and spirals return and return again and again…Song: Thank You by Beautiful Chorus.

I found myself telling someone recently, “ I just don’t know where I belong.” And she replied, “ You belong everywhere and to everything.”

And in that moment, that old story of “ I’m different” came right to the surface.

I smiled b/c I know this. I know this. I know this. I took the hebrew name, Shamirah bat kol — to name myself into the world, “daughter of all.”

Talking with my kids about so many shootings this week in our country, is it the guns? is it the pain of not belonging? is it .. the list goes on and on.

We circled the idea of how to find ourselves in the world, why and how people can get so disconnected that they take the rage out on others, and what can happen when we don’t feel like we belong in the world, or to each other. What horrible crimes, violence, murder, can happen when we don’t feel connected. Simple, yet so powerful.

I told them I spent a long time feeling separate, different, isolated- observing more than living. It’s one of the reasons I love to read, it’s where I can go hide and where I belong to the page, the story, the words.

And yet, In many ways, I have found my place in the world. Not the human world as much as with being snuggled up with my dog, and the trees on my street and the way the mud forms in my backyard after it drizzles and then I walk barefoot to feel the earth, and the earth sticks to the bottom of my feet. and I like it.

Belong. {long to be} I realized that my belonging grew ( OF COURSE) when I allowed myself to BE and to honor the longing that is being human. So many of us have these unexpressed longings. Sometimes, we don’t even know what it is we long for! But I know deep in my bones, that this experience is part of what it means to be in a body.

To be alive. To live in the mystery.

Some say it’s an existential longing to be reunited with the Divine one.

Some say it’s the longing for Mother/ Womb.

Some say it’s related to the fact that we are going to die.

Some say it’s the effect of the societal oppressive systems we live under.

I don’t know. I just feel that LONGING TO BE. And that’s where I Belong.

I remember her as beautiful and kind, as a light and a leader at school. From a big family, she was known and loved. The summer she died, I read her obituary over and over. She was there the last day of school, and now she was gone. She would not be buying backpacks with us or pencil cases, no Trapper Keepers, no 5 star notebooks. She was dead.

A.’s death rocked my little 10 year old world and she became the first person I remember actively grieving, honoring with tears in bed. The first young person I knew who died, the first time I realized you did not have to be “ old” to die.

Last weekend, I had the pleasure, privilege and HONOR to attend the Institute for Birth, Breath and Death retreat in Asheville. I have been a member with the Institute for a while now, taking some of the courses around shadow work in healing professionals, holding space for abortion loss, world religions, and more.

The Institute partners with the Center for Conscious Living and Dying(CCLD), which I was thrilled to learn more about, as some of you know, I’ve been dreaming of starting some sort of death collective here in DC- and was excited about being in community with other death/ grief professionals to hear about possible collaborations, innovations and of course, the LOGISTICS of creating all of these things!

As a Death Doula and Grief Educator, I have been offering Death Cafes since 2020 and Community Grief Circles & Rituals on topics such as The Living Eulogy, Writing our Obituary, Backwards Mapping Our Life, and responding to grief in real time with communal experiences and gatherings. Expanding, opening, increasing and elevating the conversations around death, dying and grief are very important to me and I belive the healing and liberation of all of us.

Being in dynamic evolving relationships with grief practices and death conversations has impacted my daily life in countless ways- including cultivating an increased sense of awe and wonder about the mystery we are all in, connecting my relationships more deeply AND it has given me a great steady, stable foundation for LIVING, which I think, is just so divine.

The more I study dying, the more I love living- what a miracle!

The retreat gathering was something so special- the people, the land, the care, the attention- the yoga and the music was all just harmonious and in flow. I am grateful.

I met incredible humans who care so deeply about a good death, good grief and good living. What a gift!

The Sanctuary is a place of respite that is owned by CCLD and is a place where people can go and have Community end of life care. It’s also an AIRBNB to support the center and enjoy the incredible land.

You can learn more about this kind of work, community and care, here.

I hope you will spend some time on these sites, and join these communities if they feel aligned in any way. WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER.

To be part of the DC community on living and dying- you can subscribe here.

My podcast- on death/ grief practices

CCLD- Center for Conscious Living and Dying

IBBD- Institute for Birth, Breath and Death

May we journey together in sacred presence,

through all the beautiful and HARD parts of life and death-

May we grieve together, cry together, love together and hold hands as we flow and grow.

XO, P.

In the Spring of 2007, just weeks before the end of the school year, I quit.

I walked out the doors and I never looked back.

Only in my dreams would the conversations play out.

Only in my dreams would I see the cast of characters.

Only in my dreams for months, would I be apologizing.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I lost contact with almost everyone that I had been working so closely with.

On that Spring afternoon, I lept.

I jumped.

I wept.

I entered the unknown.

The road less traveled.

I walked away from my title. My career. My students. My life.

No net. No net. No net.

Recently, I was watching the Movie, Life Itself.

It’s full of these moments in time, that forever change us, that we replay in our heads, the pivitol moments where, no matter what, we can never go back.

“You have had many ups and downs in your life. Too many. And you will have more. This is life. And this is what it does. Life brings you to your knees. It brings you lower than you think you can go. But if you stand back up and move forward, if you go just a little farther, you will always find love. I found love in you. And my life, my story, it will continue after I’m gone. Because you are my story. You are your father’s story. Your uncle’s, Rigo, my body fails me, but you are me. So you go now, give me a beautiful life. The most beautiful life ever. Yeah? And if life brings us to our knees, you stand us back up. You get up and go farther, and find us the love. Will you do that?” — Isabel

When I walked out the door of the school, I knew I was never going back.

But I also knew that I would be okay.

Somehow, deep in my soul, I knew that I could be brave.

That I could change my story.

This past year, I have done a lot of work with Ayurveda and Ancestral Healing.

What is Ancestral Healing? It’s going back to your stories, your elders lives, it’s telling their stories, listening to their stories, it’s acknowledging the blood lines, the trauma and the tragedy of being human, it’s bowing down to the mental illness and addictions, the abuse, the suicides, the racism, the ugly secrets buried in dark closets and bringing them to light. BUT, not with shame or blame, only with love and compassion. It’s about seeing the whole human, in that moment in time.

What did their life feel like? Look like?

What struggles did they face?

If we know that our cells carry the stories of our ancestors, then it’s up to us to share them, tell them, breathe into them.

No longer afraid of what we might find, but curious and open to the discoveries that we make.

I am finally in a place to receive the wisdom, to face the questions and to bring forth the qualities of strength and forgiveness.

“I’m not sure whose story I have been telling. I’m not sure if it is mine, or if it’s some character’s I have yet to meet. I’m not sure of anything. All I know is that, at any moment, life will surprise me. It will bring me to my knees, and when it does, I will remind myself, I will remind myself that I am my father. And I am my father’s father. I am my mother. And I am my mother’s mother. And while it may be easy to wallow in the tragedies that shape our lives, and while it’s natural to focus on those unspeakable moments that bring us to our knees, we must remind ourselves that if we get up, if we take the story a little bit farther…

If we go far enough, there’s love.”- Elena

When I was not really paying attention to my life, the seasons just flew by.

I was not tuned in enough to feel into what was happening around me.

I did not know that each season had it’s own unique set of qualities that were effecting my emotional and physical body. I mean, of course I knew it was cold in the Winter but I continued to push a very full and busy schedule, eating salads in the name of health, and drinking ice water.

Ayurveda has taught me about the 5 element theory. If all living things are made of the 5 elements, INCLUDING US, then in order to feel vibrant optimal health, you have to consider what’s opening on the outside AND the inside.

DUH! SO simple, COMMON SENSE! ( that’s what I love about Ayurveda, it makes so much sense)

So, as we turn the corner to end Winter, I want to remind everyone that in this season, there is a “melting” of the emotions that can happen.

You see, in the COLD, DRYNESS of Vata, sometimes our emotions freeze. We can keep things inside. We isolate. And then, as we start to warm up, tears start to flow. We start to feel and feel as our whole world shifts to Spring. Blossoms and possibility and births all over.

So be gentle with yourself as you awaken. Be curious as to what happens in this season. Take notes, pay attention.

Next year, when you get to the same season, look for patterns.

Yep, I said, NEXT YEAR.

Create a relaxed attitude towards what’s happening, look at the long game.

There’s ease in this approach.

What happens year over year in my life? as I age? my children? my relationships?

What hard things have I been through?

What can I celebrate?

What has come to an end?

Last year at this time, what was blooming?

What had died over the long Winter?

What shifts occurred inner and outer life?

May we be blessed with awareness of the season.

May we hold our hearts as we grieve.

May we relax into the changes rather than resist them.

May we see the cycles of life as fuel for our days, balm for our souls.

May we feel the feelings that arise and allow them to move through our bodies and our lives.

May our lifestyle choices fuel and strengthen our relationships and connections.

May our stories and experiences enrich our days and deepen our presence.

May we bring our whole heart to our whole life.

The Village, a non-denominational, multi -faith, community that centers healing circles, studying sacred texts, gatherings, movement practices, intuitive wisdom, and living into the bigger questions of life and death.

The Village is…. at the intersection of spirituality, non linear growth, SPIRALS, regenerative practices in health, healing, wholeness and harmony.

This is what we are about: Intersection of justice, wholeness, holistic well-being, spirituality & embodied, integrated living.

WE TEND THE HEART through ritual, prayers, portals, seasons, cycles, archetypes, embodiment circles, ancestors. We honor land, people, wisdom, the elements, and one another.

By using the wisdom of the moon, the natural seasons and cycles of the land and the earth — we can learn how to find our place in our lives, our communities and in the world.

Whats the problem we are trying to solve?

So many people using external, mind centered, productivity hacks to “ live a better life” and yet.. they are restless, overwhelmed and underwhelmed by life.

People want to make changes, and try so hard. People read all the books, all the emails, all the podcasts and yet, are still seeking, never able to keep up, always behind, spinning your wheels.

We believe that the missing link is a deep connection to the natural elements.

We must see ourselves within the larger context, within the regenerative vortex, within our own place in the world.

We do this through diving into time, space, dreaming, singing, breathing, moving, listening, storytelling, feeling, writing, dancing,

Together through shared circles, conversations and support, we find ourselves rooted, whole, steady in the ebbs and flows, creative, alive, energetic, connected and loved.

Right on time.

We Prioritize:

1. A Sacred Shabbat. No“work” time carved out weekly. We rest, play, slowly unhooking from the demands of the world for this sacred time. We unwind by creating rituals that feel so good. We mark the time each week of our lives reflecting back and looking forward. We land ourselves in blessings and prayers of awe and wonder.
2. Follow Mama Moon. Notice when she appears small/ dark, allow yourself more rest/ quiet/ introspection time. Set intentions for the rising. When she is full and shining brightly and illuminating, remind yourself to Go for it. Make love- dance- play-let your hair down. Wild and messy emotions encouraged! Let yourself feel the aliveness of all the parts of you.
3. Elements as Medicine. Pay attention to the elements as healing qualities for all aspects of life. Use water to help soothe you if you are over heated mentally, emotionally, physically. Use fire if you feel heavy or stuck and need to burn through something mentally, physically, spiritually. Use earth to ground you if you feel anxious, or jittery or afraid. Lay down on the earth and let her support you. Connect to the air element within each of us as a mystical spirit. Follow the breath, connect to source if you need some extra divine love. Or sit outside and listen /feel for the winds of change. Look up and smile at the mystery of it all.

We are a community open to explore all aspects of life and death. Through earth -based practices, intuitive wisdom, rhythmic ritual, sacred texts, community circles, mystical teachings and our own experiences with the sacred/ divine, we explore deep listening, healing, wholeness and regeneration for humanity as a lifestyle choice.

The village at the intersection of spirituality, non linear growth , SPIRALS, regenerative practices in health, healing, wholeness and harmony.

Closing grief circle for what we were- and moving into the Village for what we have been.

LOLA INNVOCATION

May we feel the feelings that arise and allow them to move through our bodies and our lives.

May our lifestyle choices fuel and strengthen our relationships and connections.

May our stories and experiences enrich our days and deepen our presence.

May we bring our whole heart to our whole life.

May we feel the feelings that arise.

May we honor our lifestyle practices & rituals.

May we bring our stories and experiences

May we bring our whole heart to our whole life.

What is the LOLA Community?

LOLA Community with ( rising) Kohenet Pleasance Silicki ( Shamirah)

The LOLA Community is a home for multi-faith, intergenerational, learning, community and conversations.

The LOLA Community was founded by ( rising) Kohenet, Pleasance Silcki, a wildly curious and creative Jewish woman who wanted to bring people from diverse backgrounds together to learn,study, support and circle together. In a world that is spiritually anorexic with very little communal space for authentic, deep, conversations on all aspects of life and death, the LOLA community was created s a guide of transformation. SHe tends to communities and and She helps / guides / mentors and facilitates connection to the seasons, cycles and spirals of life and death as a path to healing and wholeness. Through ritual, ceremony, circle — she helps us find our way to the portal of ancestors, guides, and supports in all realms to reclaim and celebrate all aspects of life and death as a transformative path of being human.

Do I feel restless b/c of you?

I want to shed my skin, feeling the pulses of Spring move towards us and yet… it’s cold. I’m here. Stuck? Holding? Scared?

This is when they said you would be different.

Do I question my being and purpose and life b/c having you changed me?

YOU gave me the name that felt easy and natural and delicious from the start.

Dear Girl, you are 11 and I’ve lived a thousand years in your arms.

Never have I known someone so intimately, like this mother knows her child.

And NOW, layers of clothes and doors between us.

You do not belong to me.

Your flesh is not mine to sculpt, you are not my art, not my muse.

I watch you from afar now, standing your ground, speaking your voice, pushing back, speaking up.

You are powerful and embody all that grace and all that heart — a childhood full of curiosity and exploration heart-fullness and connection can bring to a girl seen. to a girl who was heard. to a girl who was loved.

In the mirror, similar. You remind me of someone.

And yet, in the story, we come from different worlds.

You have it easy, you don’t even know that. How could you?

Your home, your love, your story does not look anything like mine.

Just like mine does not look like hers before.

And just like the 4,000th kiss goodnight that I will plant on you this week with the words,

May you be happy.

May you be safe.

May you be healthy.

May you live with ease.

I wish you with every cell in my body, Happy Birthday.

Last week I was on the treadmill at my favorite fitness class.

This is where I go to think and breathe and relax. I spend a few minutes here most days, I don’t go all in or try to push myself to the brink of exhaustion. I mostly just jog or walk uphill and shake my wrists, arms and do breathwork and feel my body moving.

Often times, this becomes my meditation for the day. I pay attention and I get these amazing downloads from my intuition on the treadmill, a podcast theme, a blog post topic, a resource for a client, an offering for our community… I have come to trust an honor this treadmill time as a real gift in my life.

I’ve been thinking about some really big decisions for our family and I have noticed some fear, doubt and negative thoughts creeping in around the choices I have to make.

I am a gemini and I can always see things in multiple ways, usually with no “WRONG” decision.. which at times is really awesome and at other times, quite confusing.

I have a lot of options that I have created and mapped out and there is no one who can come into my life and tell me “ the best” thing for my family.

The truth is, I don’t even know what “ best” means anymore. I “fail foward” pretty much every day, constant learning mode.. shifting, pivoting, listening…

I believe in alignment, inspired actions and living into our true nature, beyond status quo. Beyond what we even think is possible. I believe that we are not really in control of our lives at all, that things are always flowing to us and away from us and a harmonious life is accepting that dance.

This way of being/ planning/ living is an act of love, intuition and as usual, letting go.

So when I got on the treadmill last week and the thoughts of fear started to show up, I took a deep breath and told her, “SHHH!”

Out of no where, my inner mentor, my guide, my protectors voice came in loud and clear.

“Pleasance, YOU CAN DO THIS. If ANYONE can do this, You CAN!”

Suddenly, my pace sped up, my steps, lighter!

I felt like I was flying on the treadmill and I kept hearing, “ If ANYONE CAN, YOU CAN!” I had a huge smile on my face as the class ended and I basically skipped home.

No matter what I decide to do, I know that I will support myself and decisions, and that feels like the ultimate freedom. I don’t feel trapped by others ideals or expectations, even in a city that thrives on “ keeping up” with the neighbors.

I chose.

I decide.

I create.

I design.

And I just have to say, that even right now, in this moment if you are thinking- “ oh that’s nice for Pleasance, but that would never work for me.” I’m going to tell you right now, that it is possible. We do not always have control over all aspects of our lives, I know this is a privilege BUT one thing we DO all have in common no matter the situation is HOW WE TALK TO OURSELVES in the moment, in our heads, during times of chaos or unknown or stress.

I share this with you so that the next time you are facing a crossroads, decision or being called to rise up/change your life -is it possible you could find the voice that will support you and cheer you on?

What does she say to you? How does she remind YOU of your true nature?

I encourage you to listen for her, what does she whisper to you?

And as you shift more towards this way of being, the questions and the doubt and fear starts to dissolve. A lot of women I know and work with have thoughts and questions and doubt that swirls endlessly- sometimes into perfectionism, sometimes into paralyiss… almost always with a sense of TELL ME WHAT TO DO or TELL ME THE RIGHT WAY to do it.

Dropping into my soul to work with these questions and talk to my soul sisters about its, creates a

I’m still in the process of mapping out what changes we are going to make and what our life will look like WITH my biggest ally and supporter and mentor guiding me through the process, myself!

She wandered into my bed and started filling my head with all sorts of stories about how nothing I do is worth value, how I’m not really helping “ anyone” and thus, not worthy and wasting my time.

Then she told me I should probably find something else to do with my days b/c my current work is of no value.

I put my hand on my heart and on my belly and did some breathing. I rubbed my feet with some oils and I felt her move through my belly . I did NOT push her away or believe her, I did not get mad at her. I invited her to be with me. I did a bit of journaling about where she might be coming from, but to be honest, it did not feel that great, so I put the journal away and went back to reading my super fabulous book ( The Boston Girl, did you read that? Goodness it is amazing!)

I went to turn off the light and go to bed and something told me to check my email.. here’s what I found:

“Wow. Your podcast with Paula really woke me up.

Since I began working with you, I’ve read here and there about your work on intuitive eating and thought “I don’t need that — I’m a healthy weight and eat want my body wants!” Which was true, but as you may recall, that did not mean my body was well. For the last three years, I suffered horribly from migraines. Debilitating. I had headache one out of every three days. And mine had a large gut component. There were serious disturbances. So, yes, I was “thin”, but I was not well. But I thought I was well because I was thin.

Fast forward and recently I have gotten my migraines more under control through a combination of lifestyle efforts and medication. I feel better than I have in years. BUT…I’ve put on weight. Not much, 5–10lb., but enough that I notice. It came on over the holidays mostly and then I spent January and February trying to “be good” (i.e., return to my normal, healthy-ish way of eating with some mindfulness of not indulging too much, but no real restriction of calories or anything). My weight has remained constant.

Instead of thinking, “This is my healthy weight.” (FWIW, it was my weight before kids), I became fixated on losing a few pounds, getting back to “thin.” I noticed a growing irritation with myself for not losing the weight. And that, of course, impacted my relationships. I was more irritable with the kids because I had this nagging feeling of failure and lack of worthiness because I had “failed” to lose the weight.

So, what did I do? Two days ago, I joined Weight Watchers (which I have done “successfully” a few times before). Immediately, the feelings of restriction and anxiety over social situations (there is food there I don’t know the point value of!! Will I binge?!?), the obsession over foods entering my body, the blindness to what my body was asking for and instead feeding it what had the fewest “points.” And, with all that, the twisted feeling of control — the high I imagine anorexics have when they refuse food. ARRRRRGGGHHHHH. But I promised myself it was just for a little while until I could get back down to this mythical number that I thought represented my healthy state. Then I could feed myself.

Then I heard your podcast. Mind blown. Wow. Wow. Wow. I believe everything you and Paula are saying. And yet…and yet…I find myself thinking, well, I can embrace that once I reach my goal weight (yes, I see how twisted that is). Even though I agree with what you are saying, these convictions about weight and health are so so deeply entrenched, I don’t know if I can let them go. Even though I want to. I don’t want the cycle of shame I feel when I my gravitational pull is stronger (LOVE THAT — it makes it clear how very very irrelevant weight is!!!) OR the torture of monitoring every single morsel that goes into my body and the GUILT I feel when I fail. I have been here SO MANY TIMES. And I don’t want to be here. And I don’t ever want my children to be here. But I don’t know how to get from here to there. I think I will start with the Intuitive Eatingbook you recommended and lots of journaling and meditating. But I know it will not be overnight. And, in the meantime, I know I will keep after my “goal weight.” And I know that when I get there, I will try to pretend that everything is OK again, but now I know it is not. I know this is all wrapped up in larger issues of self-worth that I need to continue to address. But I’m aware, and that is the first step. And I want to change, which is the second. And I have a step planned. And I know you have created a supportive community.

So, this is all to say, “thank you” for opening my eyes to the unhealthy patterns that have been governing my self-image that I thought I had conquered because the scale read the right number, but I now realize run much much deeper. I continue to grow stronger each day through the Thrive practices and your podcast. The growth and new connections you talked about really resonated with me — I feel I have grown in so many incredible ways since I first took Thrive, which is incredibly empowering and energizing, but I now see I am being called to go deeper.”

THIS IS WHY I DO WHAT I DO. This incredible, beautiful woman- sharing the TRUTH of challenges and growth and dimensions of culture which we dig into, which we question, which we ask for ourselves- IS THIS TRUE? IS this how I want to feel? Is this what I want to pass on to my children? Does this really matter?

Not much else to say, but YOU KNOW, I woke up SUPER EARLY the next day.. eager to get “ back to work” b/c I KNOW it does matter.

One by one by one by one.. and the Ram Dass quote comes to me, “ We are all just walking each other home.”

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,

P.

My son needs me. A lot. More than I think I ever realized. Like most children, our time with him has been up and down. His emotions are still quite big. We ask, Is this normal? I don’t even know how to define that anymore.

And then, the truth comes out. It’s always been like this, yelling and screaming before going anywhere. A release of fear. Anxiety. In his little body.

And so now, he needs me. To be here, to have space and presence with him. To take the time to take him in nature. To lay and snuggle and feel deeply supported. I am his person these days, his anchor.

We are developing skills to help him and as we start to switch his school and get him mental health support, I realize that my role of playing big is to just sit here with him.

At times, this just feels so hard for me. I want to be out with people and learning and teaching and sharing. I want to be writing and moving and doing AND YET, Playing Big is staying home. Showing up. Building that solid foundation for him to Thrive. This is a privilege, this is my work, this is an honor to crave out the space to be with him and yet, I still get restless. I want more! The pitta/ ego always searching for more.

My practice is to sit here, often in silence with him. Often just being together. That’s what he needs after a long/ full day at school with too many kids and too much noise.

And so the path of the mother is one of questions and unknowns. Will this make a difference in his life, at all ? Does this matter? And as I continue to do my version of “ Playing BIG” by staying home more and. by working less, by laying around more, and achieving less -I bow to the challenge of this stage while sweet and quiet it’s not the easy road for me.